A/N: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters related to the franchise. That all belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. I hope you enjoy the only thing I do own...the plot. Also M rating for language and possible sexually explicit scenes (really just wanted to be safe with the rating).
-TNHGTNHGTN-
Hermione opened the door to the Head of House common room and was immediately hit with the stinging smell of firewhiskey. Nott was currently sitting on the loveseat, and from the doorway she could just make out his silhouette, the only light coming in was the moon from the small window in the kitchenette. His hand was propped up on the armrest, balancing a crystal tumbler gently in his hand. She raised her wand and lit the fireplace bathing his angular face with bright yellow light.
"Draco, I told you I didn't want to talk to you anymore." He sounded tired. His voice was ragged as if it had been damaged from screaming, and he didn't even raise his face to look at her. Just lifted the crystal tumbler with amber colored liquid to his lips and started to take another drink.
"Accio firewhiskey. So, since you are using his first name I will assume you are emotionally distressed." She started smartly as she crossed the room, grabbing the glass of whiskey from the air and downing it in one hard swallow. She relished in the burn as it slid down her throat knowing that she was going to need the liquid courage tonight.
A small sad smirk appeared on the side of his face, "No, Granger. I am just tired. Where have you been?"
"Rowena's Study." His head shot up and his eyes narrowed at her then. He stood slowly from the couch, teetering as he got his bearings underneath him before starting across the room. Hermione was too fast though, and just as he was about to slam his bedroom door shut in front of her she held out her hand keeping it open.
"We need to talk." She said as she pushed her way past him, crossed into his room and plopped herself on the chest at the foot of his bed. She folded her arms in front of her and looked up at him. He had his head hanging down in front of him so his bangs blocked his eyes. His hands were at his sides currently clenching and unclenching into fists, and his breathing was becoming more erratic. The door closed quietly behind him.
"Granger...get out." He had never had anything less than warmth in his voice towards her, so the sudden icy quality to his timber threw her off guard for a moment. She knew from what Malfoy had told her that Nott had a dark side. A side that apparently made an appearance in defense of her. She had never seen it and something in his voice rattled a cage in her that screamed a warning after years of fighting. But this was Nott, and he had never hurt her. He would never hurt her. So, squaring her shoulders and keeping her wand in hand just in case she stayed put.
"No. I am not going anywhere until you talk to me." Her mouth was a thin line as determination lit her face.
"I don't want to talk to you right now, or Draco for that matter. Go back to Rowena's Study and be with him. I just want to drink or sleep, but since you stole my fucking firewhiskey I guess I will settle for the latter." He said the icy tone dropping in temperature until she was sure she was going to get frostbite from it alone.
"Talk to me and I will leave."
"Why cant you just fucking go you goddamned Gryffindor. Leave it for once in your fucking life." He looked up at her then, his blue eyes blazing and a deep rich blue that reminded her of storm clouds. His strong jaw was squared as his face was pulled into a snarl. He looked angry, but there was something just below the surface. When she searched his eyes she could see that buried just below the anger was pain that he was trying to hide.
"Why did you get in a fist fight with Goyle?" He stared at her for a second before letting out a sound akin to a growl.
"It doesn't matter!" He said as he turned his face away from her. "It has never mattered."
"I think it does matter," She heard him scoff a little as she repeated words back to him that he had spoken months ago,"and friends don't leave each other when the other is hurting." She said standing so she could face him. She tossed her wand so it landed on the chest she had just vacated. She was partially scared of releasing accidental magic as she could feel her skin tingling as her emotions became more uncontrollable, but more importantly she wanted Nott to see how much she trusted him. The sound of her wand clattering to the ground seemed to work its way through him before he released a low sound like a wounded animal and spoke again.
"Please, I can't do this anymore." The anger in his face melted, and he just looked broken. He was pleading with her and his voice had lost its ice until he sounded slightly like a small child.
"Do what?" She braved.
"I can't be second."
"What do you mean?" She crossed the room, placing her small hands on his chest, but he avoided eye contact as she got closer. Her chocolate brown eyes searched his face, trying to get him to look at her; and for a second she thought that he might. His heartbeat under her hand sped up and she relished in feeling the strong badum badum under her palm. One moment it felt like he was leaning into her touch, as if he could rest against her like she was a strong tree. Then, he threw her hand off of his chest and stormed over to his bed.
He turned to face her, his blue eyes still the strong blue of storm clouds over an untamable ocean as he marched back and forth between the tiny space of his bed and desk. He waved his arms frantically as he started yelling, "I can't be second to him. All my life I have been. I was second to him when it came to impressing our fathers. 'Why cant you be more like Draco, Theo? Draco is a good lad, everything a pureblood heir should be. See how he mocks that muggle!'" Nott was frantic as he quoted his father, "I was second when it came to quidditch, even when we knew I was the better flyer. Fuck! Even you thought that he was second in the class. I have always surpassed him in almost every course we took together, but no one noticed me! No one could with his flamboyant tendencies and obnoxious personality. Did you know that the only course he could beat me in was Potions?" Nott ran his hands down his face and took a deep breath before turning to her, locking eyes. His eyes held so much emotion in them she released an involuntary breath. She had never seen him this way, as he was always so careful to guard his emotions, but now it was like all his walls were down. He looked at her sadly for a moment before continuing in a quiet voice. "But you know what Granger, I could have lived being second to him in every aspect of my life as long as you noticed me. As long as I could have mattered to you. I mean I matter to you as your friend but not as-"
"Nott, I did notice you," He released a humorous chuckle and rounded on her. Standing several feet away he began to run his hands through his hair. To say she fancied the boy before was one thing, but seeing him like this...so raw...she felt her feelings grow. When he spoke again his voice was hard and left no room for argument, and Hermione just stared.
"No, you didn't. When we were on the carriage you didn't notice me. I spoke first and you even thought he would be Head Boy. Who would think about silent Theodore Nott in the background when there was Draco Malfoy to consider? How could I possibly be Head Boy?! When you came to Rowena's Study, you saw him first. You grabbed his hand first to dance. You fell asleep with him on the couch. You stood in the Great Hall and let him hold you.
"You want to know why I got into a fist fight with Goyle? Because I couldn't stand to hear what they were saying about you. What they have always said about you. Sure, Malfoy is better now and I am thankful he has seen the light every fucking day, but yet again even though I saw it before him I am second. No matter what has been told to me about how I should act or how I should behave, you have always made me second guess it. You and my mum. I knew muggle-borns were no less than I was years before him, but when it came down to it you chose him instead of me!"
"Nott…"
"Stop calling me that! You call him Draco now why do I have to be Nott? Why can't I be Theo?" She saw the tear slip from the corner of his eye. He took a shuddering breath, his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. In the moment that it took him to notice his tears had begun to escape the cool mask he wore all year was back in place, he squared his shoulders and bit his bottom lip in frustration. He took several deep breaths and Hermione saw the walls shift behind his eyes.
"Stop it!" She screamed at him. He stared up at her, as she saw another wall slide into place. "Dont block me out! Don't occlude please." It was too late. She saw him slowly retreat to a safe place where he couldn't be hurt. Where every thing that ever caused him pain was locked behind several walls and put in boxes with lead lids. These thoughts and memories were then dropped down into the parts of his mind where he didn't have to think about it anymore. She couldn't help herself as she started to cry hot tears of frustration.
"I noticed you." He said quietly as another wall was about to shift into place. He looked down at the floor in front of him, his hands limp at his sides, "I noticed you on the train when you were looking for Longbottom's toad. When you spent hours in the library second year looking for Slytherin's Monster. When you used the time-turner third year," She looked up at him trying to see him clearly through the haze of tears. He knew about the damn Time-turner...how? She didn't have time to dwell on this question because he continued, "I noticed you before the Yule Ball. When you stared at Krum because you found him attractive. When you would sneak glances at him when you thought no one was looking. I was...I was looking. I was so pissed when you did that to your hair just so you could look pretty for him. Don't you realize how beautiful you already were?" He looked at her then, blue eyes piercing her soul as they searched for an answer to the question he had posed. When she offered none he continued.
"I noticed you when you perfected the charm on the fake galleons. When you cried over Weasley and the blond girl." He took in a shuddering breath as the wall tried to shift into place. He was holding it back, waiting for something. "Why couldn't you notice me, Hermione?" He was whispering now his voice strangled with raw emotion, and the way her name sounded coming from his lips caused a shiver to roll up her spine. It felt right.
Remembering the night when he stumbled into their common room drunk Hermione had an idea. It was a crazy idea and was putting herself up for possible heartbreak but she couldn't figure out any other way to make him see what he meant to her. Taking a step towards him, dropping her eyes because she was scared to see him when she revealed her secret, Hermione began to speak quietly, "Do you know what I smell when I breathe in Amortentia?" He waited, she glanced up and saw his eyes lightening in color before her as his expression remained guarded not daring to hope. "I smell your spearmint toothpaste and the way the scent of parchment clings to your shirt after you spend hours in the library. Those would be enough, but I smell one other thing...I used to think it was freshly mown grass, but now I know that something is inexplicably you. I didn't realize it was you until this year, the night after you saved me from the water...but you are my Amortentia. I didn't know the potion was pointing me towards you, but it was.
"I-I am sorry I didn't notice you sooner. But this year I have noticed you. You are all I have noticed. Every second of every day for weeks I've noticed nothing but the color of your eyes and the way you make me feel. I've noticed how soft your hair looks and how strong you are. I noticed you trying to cast the Patronus when no ones looking, and how you leave the Great Hall after lunch. I notice how sometimes when you think I see you vulnerable, you put up extra walls to make sure you block the emotions."
She was looking at him again, his eyes had lightened to a beautiful cerulean. Almost that perfect shade of forget-me-not that she had seen in the alcove. When he made no move to come towards her she started feeling anxious and lowered her gaze from him before fiddling with the edge of her jumper sleeves. Feeling like she had waited too long and had lost her chance with the one person who might understand her and all her quirks. Someone who would study with her for hours and not judge her for the ink stains that sometimes smudged her face. She figured it was what she deserved for making him wait while she gathered her courage. She let a few more tears fall before backing towards the door. "I...I am sorry it took me so long Theo."
As soon as his name passed from her lips she heard him let out a low and strangled groan followed by a husky, "Fuck it," When she looked up he had advanced towards her crossing the entire length of his room in two long strides.
He grabbed her face on either side with his large hands and lowered his lips to hers. She expected the kiss to be hasty and rough as all kisses she had ever shared were, but this one was slow and soft. As soon as his lips touched hers, Hermione knew she was home. It was like fireworks were going off inside her lower stomach, and the residual sparkles were layered in every place his hands touched. She tasted the spearmint from his toothpaste and the spice of the whiskey and let out a low moan that he captured greedily. He took his time moving against her mouth and she readily responded moving one hand up to tangle lightly into his dark hair as the other rested on his waist. When she tugged his locks he released a sound akin to a growl and tried to lighten the kisses only to have her shove his face back against her. He pushed forward with a grunt as he moved his mouth on hers in a powerful dance that lit a fire under her skin. After several moments his hands sunk down to her waist and he tried to gently push her off.
"Granger, I should have done that when Zabini first dared me too. But I was scared, self preservation and all that… and now- now we can't." He said lowering his forehead to rest against hers. He was breathing hard and she struggled to think clearly as the haze of need began to lift.
"Why can't we?" She asked breathlessly, trying in vain to capture his lips again.
"Malfoy-"
"You are smart enough to realize I have no attraction to the blond ferret." She said, a small smirk she had learned from her Slytherins forming on her lips.
"You...you mean...you're not-"
"No...we're not, never have been and never will be. Now if you would still rather not kiss me I'll just lea-" She couldn't finish the sentence because his mouth was on hers once again, only this time the gentle kisses were replaced by more ferocious demanding ones. He pushed her into the door and she relished in the sting of the wood against her as he began sliding his tongue against her lips. She opened her mouth needing to taste him completely and she wasn't disappointed. Amongst the fire whiskey and toothpaste was something that was inexplicably Theo. It reminded her of his scent and she moaned as her tongue danced in his mouth. His hands came up and tangled into her hair, holding tightly to the messy curls that he loved so much.
When one of his hands dropped to her waist and started to move up her shirt she realized where this would lead and using every last bit of will power she pulled away, "Theo...how...how drunk are you?" She asked as he moved to kiss along her neck making goosebumps kiss her flesh. He moaned into her neck, and licked the flesh there sucking lightly but not leaving a mark.
"Not too drunk...just enough to still know what I'm doing," He said as he started to lick the pulse point just below her ear. The hot breath on the wet spot on her neck caused an involuntary shiver to raise down her spine.
"I want this Theo, but not like this. Not with you all tipsy on firewhiskey" She moaned as he kissed her again, biting the soft flesh below her ear before gently pushing him off.
He brushed a curl that had fallen into her face back on her forehead before placing a small kiss there. He nodded slowly before looking at her seriously, "Just so you know I am super fucking disappointed in my decision to drink." He nipped her neck lightly one more time before stepping fully back.
"I'll see you in the morning." She reached for the door and pulled on the handle, but he grabbed her hand to stop her.
"Please don't go...we don't have to do anything else...I just...please." His eyes were that irresistible shade of forget-me-not blue again. Her new favorite color. She gave him a small shy smile before toeing off her shoes and climbing into his bed fully clothed. She smirked as she noticed her Gryffindor blanket was currently covering the Nott family crest on his quilt.
"Just for tonight, and no funny business Nott or I may sick Ginny on you,"
"Wow, threatening me with Red? Really needed to pull out the big wands, huh?" He asked climbing in next to her, "I promise, no funny business." He rolled on his side to face her and reached out slowly to grab her hand, winding their fingers together and resting them on the pillow next to his head before closing his eyes. Hermione watched him as he started to drift off to sleep and the worries of his day slowly melted from his face. She let a large grin spread across her face as she inched closer to him placing a small kiss on his nose, and then his cheek, and finally a light chaste one on his lips. She hoped, in the quiet of Nott's dorm, that tomorrow he wouldn't regret what he had said and done under the influence of the whiskey.