"Grief is an amputation, but hope is incurable hemophilia: you bleed and bleed and bleed."
-David Mitchell, Slade House
Chapter 23: Breathe
Breaths came out shallow and rapid in succession, as fleeting, insincere and disorienting as the events of the past few hours had been. The doors of the hospital flew open and he tumbled outside, exposed and trembling like a raw nerve under the sky's indifferent gaze. It was a pleasant day, for the rest of the world - the sun shone bright and warm, the cicadas sang their static tune, and squirrels darted between trees as they began preparations for autumn and the cold winter months that would follow. Life carried on. The universe had not stopped.
Naruto realized that sometimes when you break - that this time - you can't be fixed. Instead, pieces continue to fall away, and you break and break and break until there's barely anything left. He was nothing but a mere shadow of himself, and what did still remain of that self hurt and ached and made it near impossible to breathe.
The expression on his face was entirely too peaceful: eyes closed, mouth slightly opened, and all completely still, as if he were only taking a nap. Sasuke's skin was incredibly pale, which made sense given the sheer amount of blood leaking out all around them. Naruto was no expert on anatomy but had enough mind when looking at his stomach to recognize that the visible parts of Sasuke were not supposed to ever be visible or out in the open.
It was perhaps the first time Naruto had looked at Sasuke and not thought that he was beautiful. No, not because he was suddenly flawed in that way, but because there was nothing poetic, handsome, or even remotely appealing about watching the person you love turn into a corpse.
Doubling over and bracing his hands on his knees, Naruto did not fight the bile rising from the back of his throat. His gut clenched several times before violently heaving, but all that came out was stomach acid and the bit of water he'd drank that morning during physical therapy. Still his body heaved, desperate to clear out the invisible toxin making Naruto feel ill. It was a fruitless effort, grief could not be purged by any emetic.
"I did everything that I could, Naruto. His heart gave out. I'm...so sorry," Tsunade said.
"What do you mean? We just got here," Naruto responded. "Surgery is already over…?"
"Yes, Naruto, I...Sasuke passed away."
Another protest from his digestive track sent him reeling forwards, coughing and sputtering and choking on nothing.
Grief, he'd begun to realize, was just another form of love. Like water and ice, they were fundamentally the same yet differentiated by the conditions under which either state prevailed; love begets grief and that grief may yet melt back into its love, but grief cannot precede it.
Naruto's grief was an amalgamation of all the love he wanted to give Sasuke over the years, but could not. When he cried it formed the lump in his throat and rose in an upwelling to leak from his tear ducts, wetting his vulnerable gaze and decorating his cheeks with glistening candor. Some nights it would pool in his abdomen while he slept and Naruto would wake up feeling bothered, skin burning red hot as if he were glass submerged in a fiery kiln by some unseen gaffer. Lingering within every kiss he shared with Hinata, it was there still: intermingled with that alike but separate love he held for her, preventing Naruto from ever feeling wholly satisfied and instead constantly reaching for some ceaseless itch, all while wondering 'what if'. Caged behind his ribs it thrummed against the back of his sternum and curled around his lungs in a commensalistic dance, perfusing the contents of his chest such that he would become hollow and bereft were it ever to leave. Like a drug, Naruto was addicted to this sorrowful love; his body ravaged by cravings as it denatured his self-control, leaving him jittery, starved, foaming at the mouth, and willing to risk it all for one more hit - despite never having gotten a proper taste to begin with.
When his stomach was done emptying its emptiness, Naruto stood upright, spitting out as much of the thickened saliva swarming his gums as he could, before wiping the excess from his mouth with the back of his hand. He'd fled from the room as soon as Madara's body fell, the elder Uchiha dropping like a sack of potatoes. Exactly how he imagined Sasuke's had, upon hearing it thud against the bathroom floor. It made him sick - literally - and it made him furious. Regardless of whatever Madara did, Sasuke had still died. He had successfully taken his own life.
Most people didn't get lucky like that, didn't have a Madara or whoever else. Because that's all it was, in Naruto's mind: luck. It didn't make anything better, didn't undo what happened, what he saw and what he felt. Naruto was relieved and ecstatic and so fucking grateful for what Madara did, but nothing was fixed by his sacrifice. There was a problem before Sasuke's death and a different problem created by it, one traded for the other; now, the old issue was back, the new one was here to stay, and both were compounding one another. So, it didn't change the fact that Naruto's heart had shattered, that his mind was fractured, that his spirit was utterly decimated in Sasuke Uchiha's wake, or that he too had drowned in his own despair, had died kicking and screaming in that hallway-
Naruto turned on his heel and stormed back through the double doors at the hospital's entrance.
-because no one was reviving Naruto. No, he was not so lucky.
Blood roared in Naruto's ears as he wove through the bland corridors, back towards the OR where Sasuke should have woken up. When he arrived, however, there was no sign of the Uchiha he was looking for - only Madara, as his body was being covered with a sheet by Lady Tsunade and one of the nurses. Tsunade's head snapped up when he approached, concern flooding her features.
"Naruto, where did you go, are you alright?" Tsunade asked, reaching towards him.
He swallowed the urge to laugh at the ridiculous question - he'd already tarnished too many of his relationships within the past hour. "Where is he?"
"Sakura is with him - he's being transferred to a room in the hospital's inpatient ward," she said. "North wing, first floor, room two-oh-nine."
"Huh," Naruto exhaled. "Thanks, granny."
Naruto hurried out of the room before she could try and get him to stop and talk to her; try to provide parental guidance, or something. Tsunade had lost her two most important people to horrific injuries as well, and if anyone could understand what he was going through it was her. But he didn't want sympathy right now. Shit, what he really wanted was to just hit something; not any person, but a tree or a boulder or an entire fucking mountain, to try and vent the pressure mounting in his skull. First he wanted answers, though, and Sasuke was going to give them to him.
Even he knew that the only reason he hadn't gone completely psychotic yet was because, for once, Kurama was withholding his chakra. In fact he was hiding it, actively resisting Naruto's anger, an unprecedented happenstance. Then again, today was full of those, so was it really all that surprising that the 'demon' fox didn't want to get involved either?
When Naruto reached room number two-zero-nine, his recollection of the time between leaving the OR and arriving at his destination had already faded. A faint shroud of chakra tickled his senses, in what appeared to him to be some kind of sound barrier put up for privacy. So it was true, Naruto thought: Madara's jutsu had really worked. Blinking as he stared through the thick, glass cut-out in the door, Naruto watched Sakura fuss over her companion and patient, pressing a plastic water cup to his lips and gently coaxing him to take in the clear fluid. Her eyes were rimmed in red and her hands shook but they were tremors of shock, weariness, and relief; not anger. Not hurt. Perhaps Sakura was stronger than him, perhaps she just had less of a heart.
Or, perhaps, the factors determining their individual responses were far more complex than a simple black or white dichotomy.
The door creaked open and Sakura's gaze shifted up to meet his, mouth opening slightly as apprehension flickered across her features. Naruto's eyes drifted downwards and focused on the gentle pulse of Sasuke's throat as he swallowed small mouthfuls of water, his skin still paler in color than usual and adorned in a clammy sheen, but otherwise appearing healthy. Alive. Black eyes fixated on the wall in front of Sasuke, refusing to look at Naruto while Sakura quietly left his side. She stepped towards the blonde, opening her mouth to speak and then closing it a moment later. Instead of saying anything, Sakura cast one last forlorn glance at the fragile man behind her and left the room, leaving the two of them alone.
Instantly, the air became colder, as Naruto's darkened chakra permeated the space around them; the silence hung thick and heavy like a fog, stretching on and on and on without either man daring to break it first. Sasuke scratched the back of his head, causing the blanket wrapped around him to slip down and reveal a somewhat boney forearm not covered by the thin, half-sleeve hospital gown they had dressed him in for the time being. He was much thinner than Naruto remembered him to be at the end of the war. He looked frail, like he might fall apart and disappear again at any time.
Sasuke was such a soft and messy thing, Naruto thought, nobody knew how to take care of him. Except for Naruto, and Sasuke refused to let him do even that much.
"How could you?" Naruto asked in a low voice.
Finally, Sasuke's eyes flicked over to him - guarded, weary, and so infuriatingly difficult to decipher just like they always were.
"I have so much shit that I wanna say to you, Sasuke-"
"Then say it," Sasuke said, interrupting him.
"What the fuck were you thinking, Sasuke? How could you, how could you do something like this?" Naruto yelled, the sudden rise in volume causing Sasuke to flinch.
Sasuke's breathing sped up in tune with his heartbeat, but he did not say anything or make any attempt to answer the blonde.
"A part of me feels bad for you, you know," Naruto began again. "But at the same time I, you just look so weak and I'm mad at you! Fuck, Sasuke. I don't mean to be insensitive, but god dammit - look what you did! I had to, I had to put..."
He glanced down at his lap, gaze unreadable, and then looked back up at Naruto.
"I'm so fucking upset!" Naruto cried, voice cracking as tears began to flow anew from the corners of his eyes. "How could you be so selfish? You left me, you left me completely helpless. I had to pick up your fucking intestines and stuff them back inside of you, Sasuke. Shit, dude. What the fuck do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry," Sasuke whispered, emotion cracking through his stony exterior and exposing his guilt and despair and humiliation to Naruto, but it wasn't enough.
Naruto laughed, short and bitter. "You're fucking sorry, how rich . Then why the hell did you do it? Why, Sasuke? You should have just talked to one of us. Why would you do this to me?"
"To you? " Sasuke snarled back, the blonde's anger rubbing off on him. "I didn't do this to you , Naruto. This isn't fucking about you! Not everything can be fixed by talking about it. There comes a point where talking about it doesn't make you feel better anymore, and that point came and went years ago. So I just lived with my mouth closed and my walls up and my heart hidden because it was the only way for me to survive."
"Survive? Gutting yourself is what you call surviving?" Naruto scoffed.
"God, you're not listening , Naruto. That isn't what I meant."
"Fuck you, I am listening! What are you saying , though? Huh?"
"I fucking hate myself, okay?" Sasuke replied, his voice rising sharply in pitch before breaking off; the sound of a dam cracking under the force of an entire ocean's worth of suffering. "I don't belong here. I don't deserve to be alive right now, and I didn't deserve to before, either. I lost my entire family when I was seven. Itachi forced me to watch it through his eyes. Every. Single. Murder. My aunt and uncle, cousins, pregnant women, infants . I had to see him skewer every last one of them. Over and over again."
Shifting to sit on the edge of the bed so that he was facing him, Sasuke afforded Naruto the full view of his face. Tears were streaming down Sasuke's cheeks, and it was rare for him to cry. Although lately, Naruto noted, he had seen Sasuke cry more often than he had during the entirety of their adolescence.
"Do you know how that feels, what that does to your head? I've been suicidal since I was nine, Naruto. Nine . Don't you get it? Killing Itachi was my only reason to live, to keep going. And Itachi is dead now, I killed him, so that was it. There was nothing left for me! Nothing but guilt, and pain, and feeling worthless, and all of the nightmarish shit cluttering my mind."
"Fuck you, Sasuke," Naruto said in a half-whimper, half-yell.
"Excuse me?" Sasuke scowled. "Sorry, is that not good enough for-"
"You had me. You have me, Sasuke, you always did - all you had to do was let me in." Naruto's voice had softened considerably, settling back into a more normal tone for him.
The rise and fall of Sasuke's chest did not come without effort, that much Naruto could tell - he seemed conflicted.
"No, I don't," Sasuke murmured. "I can't. I don't deserve you, and you don't deserve to have to put up with me. Everything I touch, I ruin, Naruto - I won't do that to you, too."
"Are you shitting me, Sasuke?" Naruto laughed incredulously, a fresh wave of rage heating his cheeks. "You did ruin me! You died , Sasuke, you were dead. Gone. Gone . You left me, and I felt - no, I feel so fucking lost without you. So you don't get any say in what I do or don't deserve. And I hate the fact that you think the world is better off without you. What if Madara hadn't been here, or hadn't offered himself up? You died, you goddamn bastard, and it broke me into a million pieces. And even now, even now I'm not sure if I'll ever find them all again. It killed me, too, but there isn't anyone around who's gonna fix that, you know!"
"But you still have Sakura, and Kakashi, and Hinata, and everyone else. Don't put so much value in me, idiot!" Sasuke argued. "I'm not worth the trouble. Not good enough for you. Not enough, period."
Naruto turned around and stormed towards the door, but he didn't leave; instead, he located the barrier seal and performed several hand signs before infusing it with his own chakra. The window in the door and on the exterior wall both darkened, indicating that they were now sealed away from the outside world, tucked into a space where there was nothing of importance beyond the two of them.
"Didn't you hear anything I said after our fight in the valley, Sasuke?" Naruto asked, turning back around and rooting himself in the ground several paces away from the man in question.
"Of course I did. I get that you value me as a friend, but-"
"No. That isn't what I'm talking about."
"...what?"
Clenching his fists in frustration, Naruto tried not to let his anger run rampant again. Surely Sasuke was playing dumb right now, he wasn't this stupid. Friend. Friend. That could not have been anything other than a joke.
"You took everything from me today, you know," Naruto said. "I had even started thinking about us, about….something stupid, so don't worry about it. But now-"
"About what, Naruto?" Sasuke demanded.
"About you and me, Sasuke. You were always beautiful to me, always enough for me, you were always the one I was so certain about."
"I...what are you even saying, Usuratonkachi?"
Naruto took three long strides towards Sasuke before stopping so that he was standing directly in front of the other man. Sasuke was a bit taller than Naruto, and when he straightened his back fully while sitting on the bed his head landed at just about chest level on the blonde. Reaching a tentative hand out, Naruto grazed his fingers along Sasuke's forehead, brushing his unkempt bangs away from his eyes. He trailed a single digit down the bridge of Sasuke's nose, the soft touch causing the latter to shiver ever so slightly.
Continuing his descent, Naruto traced along the outline of Sasuke's lips; soft, enticing, unattainable, not belonging to him. When he reached the edge of Sasuke's sharp jawline Naruto splayed his fingers out over the left side of Sasuke's face, cupping his cheek and tilting his head upwards. Sasuke's dark eyes swam with a mixture of confusion, anticipation, and a faint trace of longing as he waited with bated breath for whatever Naruto was going to do or say next.
He was hesitating, staring at Sasuke's lips and grazing the pad of his thumb back and forth along the full bottom half and causing him to shift uncomfortably beneath Naruto's gaze. Sasuke blinked and it was as if his long, thick lashes were enticing him, trying to draw him closer. Did he want to cross this line? Did Sasuke want him to? Did Naruto even care? Naruto wasn't sure whether or not they would be able to go back to the way things were if he-
No, Naruto decided, halting that train of thought. What a farce. Nothing was ever going to be the way it was before, not after what happened. There was nothing left for Naruto to lose, so he might as well indulge in this one thing just to see what would happen, how it could feel. What they could have had.
Bending down, Naruto closed the distance between them until their noses were almost touching. He could feel Sasuke's breathing pick up again: cool, shallow gusts of air fanned across Naruto's mouth and chin, pushing against his own warm exhales.
"You're wrong, Sasuke. I did lose everything," Naruto whispered, tongue darting out to wet his lips.
Sasuke stared back at him, unblinking, waiting and hoping against hope that Naruto would keep going.
"You are my everything."
In the span of a single, fluid moment, two lifetimes worth of anticipation collided and collapsed into a singularity, echoing outwards with all the terrific longing of unfulfilled desires. Naruto slanted his mouth against Sasuke's, tender and compassionate while he held back the enormity of the need he felt, lest he overwhelm the man. Instinctively, Sasuke froze - despite the equal fervor of his own want. He was shaken up, sensitive - they both were - and Naruto knew this, only lingering together for a moment before pulling away again.
He looked at the rose colored blush tinting Sasuke's cheeks and the wide, unbelieving look in his eyes; a stark contrast to his usually cold and masculine exterior. Though it was not new information, being this close to Sasuke reminded Naruto that his eyes were not so black and lifeless as they appeared to be from afar: they were a rich, purplish brown, almost like the chocolates Sasuke claimed to abhor. Chocolates that - every year during their early teens - he had so craved to gift the Uchiha with each time Valentine's Day rolled around. But that was not something boys did for other boys, it was not accepted at the time and even now was still painfully taboo outside of their peer generation. So Naruto would sit back and watch with disguised, petulant glee as Sasuke mercilessly rejected the advances of any who approached him. It felt like he was seeing Sasuke like this for the first time all over again, and Naruto thought he looked breathtaking under this renewed light.
"I misspoke that day, when I said that I loved you," Naruto said. "There is no past tense. I still do. Fuck, I don't think I'll ever stop."
"Then don't stop," Sasuke said, his voice faint but sincere. "Don't stop, Naruto."
Not needing to be told a third time, Naruto kissed him again with a little more confidence, and Sasuke returned the gesture in kind. Feeling him press back caused a contented sigh to push its way out from Naruto's lungs. Even after all these years, Sasuke tasted the same as he remembered; it wasn't an exact flavor that Naruto could describe, but rather it was familiar, and correct. He didn't taste like something distinct or other, he tasted like fresh air or cold water on a hot day - like he belonged, like he was an extension of Naruto's own being. Sasuke was a part of him, not some fleeting sensation such as 'taste'.
He did, however, smell surprisingly pleasant for someone who had recently been a corpse; then again, Naruto had been sweaty, bloody, and most previously a dry-heaving mess, so neither had room to complain about potential odors. A moot point in the end, since they couldn't have cared less either way.
The hand cradling Sasuke's face combed its way through his bangs and along his scalp, nesting comfortably within the silk strands covering his nape. This new grip allowed Naruto to pull them even closer together, claiming Sasuke's mouth as if it had always belonged to him. Which was how it should have been, Naruto thought, as Sasuke's right hand flew out and fisted itself into the soft black cotton of his shirt, clinging onto him like a needy child. Humming with satisfaction regarding Sasuke's eager reaction, Naruto gave a light tug on the base of his lover's hair, causing his jaws to part open in a surprised gasp.
He seized the opportunity provided to nudge his tongue into the warm embrace of Sasuke's own keening mouth, drawing a low moan out of the other man. Gripping at Sasuke's hip with his free hand, Naruto settled himself as best he could between the other's legs. He could practically feel the velvet, smooth texture of Sasuke's skin beneath the airy fabric of whatever sorry undergarments had been provided by the hospital.
The hunched over position soon grew uncomfortable for Naruto, and didn't provide the unrestrained access he so desired. As gently as he could - though still without warning - Naruto lifted Sasuke upwards by the backs of his thighs. Ignoring his adorable yelp of surprise, Naruto turned them around and sat himself down where Sasuke had been, placing him onto his lap so that his legs were straddling him. It was a position he'd only ever seen or used with women, and so Naruto was slightly worried that Sasuke might hate it; but there was no protest from the other man.
Instead, he impatiently molded his lips and tongue back with Naruto's, wrapping his one arm around the blonde's shoulders to keep himself steady. After letting the blanket fall from Sasuke's shoulders, Naruto slipped an arm around his waist for added support, simultaneously tightening his hold on Sasuke and pulling them that much closer. The slight movement caused an unexpected, faint, and shockingly pleasant friction between their hips, and Naruto reflexively bit down on Sasuke's lip, eliciting a delicious sounding, high-pitched whimper from the raven.
It felt like Naruto was in a dream. He dreamt of Sasuke often, it was true, and so somewhere in the back of Naruto's mind it all seemed a little too perfect, too convenient.
An additional layer of desire began to build within both of the men: something repressed, something they each - separately - had only ever indulged in during private moments, alone with nothing but their hand and lecherous thoughts of the other to keep them company. Naruto boldly slipped his hand beneath the open-back of the hospital gown, splaying his fingers across Sasuke's hot skin and grazing over the bump of his spine. He really has gotten thin, Naruto thought, smoothing his hand upwards and over the back of his rib cage where the skin was more sensitive, and wondering if he had been this boney earlier that morning. How he had possibly failed to notice. Just like he had failed to notice that Sasuke was-
Sasuke was slumped against the wall at an unnatural angle, blood draining from his body and his peaceful, sleeping face to pool on the bathroom tiles. And his stomach, oh god; he was no expert on anatomy but even he knew that these things weren't meant to be visible.
"Naruto!" Sasuke's shout dispersed the fog in his mind; he was becoming impatient. "I asked, about what - what were you thinking 'about us'?"
And just like that the dream ended, and all of the darkness and harsh truth of reality came crashing down around Naruto. But the feeling, that blissful wholeness, still lingered on his lips - and even though he knew it was not real, Naruto was breathless when he woke up.
He stood back in that same spot, three long steps in-between Sasuke and himself; back where the fantasy had begun, back where the two branches of fate were budding and ready to sprout into trees. The air felt meaningless and stagnant as it sat in Naruto's lungs, incomplete now that he was disconnected from the sweet exhales of the moon in front of him.
Naruto remembered how he'd fallen with such terrific speed, and compared it to how easily he had melted within the dream just then. How easy it was to abandon all else, and to be selfish. He should have known better than to fall more in love with Sasuke. He'd told him about his heart: that it was cold, relentless, broken, and irredeemable. But foolish, naive little Naruto had just flashed his goofy grin at the raven-haired boy, and told him he would fix it. He would bring Sasuke back to the village, or worst case, he would die to keep Sasuke from destroying it. They would die together because if Naruto had to kill Sasuke anyways, then there would no longer be any reason for him to go back home or become Hokage. Not if he wasn't complete.
In the end Naruto failed; now everything was over and he was the one who needed fixing.
They were living in different chapters of the same book, and for a long time Naruto hoped that they would meet up again before the story was over. And maybe they would, eventually, but 'eventually' was not that moment. 'Eventually' was not today.
Anger and sadness roiled in the pit of Naruto's stomach, dark and storming and threatening to come untethered - and that is how Naruto knew what path he had to choose. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a good reason.
Vulnerable black eyes were still staring at Naruto, watching him carefully and swimming with anticipation, with hope. For a moment he was almost sucked in all over again, ready to fling himself into Sasuke's space, to kiss him with all of the passion that he'd withheld during that short dream - that illusion of a beautiful unreality - and bind them together in eternity. But Naruto Uzumaki was stronger than some carnal temptation. Or perhaps he really was just scared, terrified of whatever unimaginable anguish awaited him if he were to somehow sink even further into abyssal depths of their bond. Afraid that the red string of fate would tangle itself into a noose and wrap around his neck.
"I told you it's nothing. Look, I'm sorry, Sasuke-"
It was killing him, what he had to say, because what he really wanted to say was precisely what he'd said in that other world.
You're my everything, my all and more.
"-but I need room to breathe."
When there was no blatant protest from his friend and the grief - the sorrowful love - started to upwell again, Naruto spun around and began to walk out of the room, dismissing the barrier he had placed. Pulling Sasuke's Hitai-ate from his pocket, Naruto stopped and stared at the relic for a moment. To him, it was a physical symbol of the truth that existed between them, of that particular thread in their bond which held the potential for something greater, something unknown, something dangerous. Something Naruto had held onto for so long, waiting and hoping for a chance that he now decided had come too late and at too great a cost. Something he could no longer bear to keep watch over while foolishly believing that Sasuke would ever be ready to accept it, that he would suddenly become capable of being something he was not. So Naruto ripped the bandage from his heart, believing that Sasuke would understand what this action meant, and hung the old hitai-ate on the inside doorknob for Sasuke to retrieve.
In his mind, this was him taking the easy way out, too - the path of least resistance - and was perhaps the only time in all his life that Naruto had put himself first. The only time he chose something other than just 'Sasuke'.
A part of Naruto wished he could have a second chance to meet Sasuke for the first time, to re-do those critical moments leading up to the present so that maybe, maybe they would have a chance. It hurt that this was the end for them - they were supposed to be better than this. They could have been the greatest story. But even if he didn't want to, there were things in life that Naruto had to accept, or had to learn, and there were people he couldn't live without that he would have to let go of regardless. It would leave - and already had left - a gaping wound in Naruto's heart, one that he knew was probably never going to heal, but he couldn't just sit around and stare at his wounds forever.
Life carried on - people depended on Naruto, and Naruto couldn't be dependable if the person that he himself became dependent upon was unreliable.
The first lone wave in a new ocean of tears cascaded down Naruto's cheeks, sweeping across the shared continent of their love and eroding the edges until it became unrecognizable, as Naruto shut the door on 'what if' and sealed their fate for the final time. Thus the sun and the moon would continue their cosmic dance, circling around one another but never drawing near enough to become fully immersed within the other's orbit.
xxxxxxx
xxxxxxx
9:51 P.M.
The day bled into nightfall and Sasuke waited, but Naruto never showed up again. When darkness fell over the outside world, things became so much more difficult, and now Sasuke had neither the literal Sun nor his sun to keep the black from swallowing him whole. He hadn't moved for the entire day since laying flat on his back after retrieving his old hitai-ate from the doorknob, where Naruto had left it. Where he had finally ended their game of cat and mouse.
Sasuke held the forehead protector above him, tilting it to and fro and hypnotizing himself with the flashes of light caused by the shift in reflection of each movement. The thing that hurt Sasuke the most wasn't that Naruto didn't want him anymore, but that he had wanted him and no longer did. It was the ultimate rejection, and probably well-deserved; but still it ached, forming deep bruises all throughout his heart.
The hurt was only compounded by the things that Sasuke hadn't gotten the chance to say. Because he had seen his true self, his unbreakable bond to the sun, but Sasuke had been too busy answering Naruto's questions of why he did do 'it' and failed to address why he would never do such a thing ever again. Why his biggest regret in life was that he had said no to Naruto every step of the way due to his own uncertainty. Why now, after today, he was finally ready to start saying 'yes'.
It almost felt like he had let his guard down, only for Naruto to yank the rug out from underneath them both. But that wasn't a fair analogy, because even if that was how it seemed from Sasuke's perspective, Naruto wasn't actually a mind-reader. Naruto could read him well, yes, and even liked to think that he could literally read Sasuke's thoughts, but that only applied to things which Sasuke had expressed before in some way - Naruto was only ever making predictions based on past behaviors.
Normally it was an accurate enough assumption to go on, but not in this case. Sasuke hadn't ever done anything like what he'd been about to do. However, old habits die hard: he clammed up, shut up, and sat back like a mute idiot without saying anything, even as Naruto turned his back and left the room.
Naruto had never walked away before.
He hadn't just walked away from Sasuke, either - no one could find Naruto. Sasuke thought everyone should have been panicking, but Sakura reminded him that Naruto had dedicated his life to protecting the village. Naruto would never leave the village. And Naruto was human and was dealing with a lot of emotions, just like Sasuke and herself, and probably just needed a little time to himself. Alone with mother nature, and possibly Kurama.
Sasuke thought it sounded pretty reasonable, what Sakura said. That was something he himself struggled with. Logic came naturally to Sasuke - he was very logical and calculated in most things, especially in combat. Logic was a science that followed clearly defined rules and employed critical thinking. It was the framework for reasoning about something, but reason itself was subject to personal opinion.
That was why 'reason' has always been something that both Naruto and Sakura surpassed him in; they excelled in the area of reason - Naruto especially, when it came to interpersonal matters. So, Sasuke was grateful for Sakura's voice of reason. Hers was gentle and accessible, not overwhelming and intense in the way that Naruto's was. Instead of clashing with his structured way of thinking, Sakura's ideas would slowly ebb into his mind's ocean of logic-derived information, and there they swirled together into comprehension.
The entire afternoon seemed to last a lifetime, and somehow just by having her sit with him while he laid back and stared at the ceiling, only conversing when it occurred naturally, Sasuke started to understand Sakura Haruno a little bit better. He could be certain that she was still his friend, even if Naruto was currently an unknown. That was someone, and for today that was enough.
When Sasuke heard the creak of the doorknob beginning to turn his heart jumped into his throat. Had Naruto returned? He wondered. The door eased open and it was not Naruto, but someone equally unexpected standing on the other side.
"...Aratashiki?"
"Sorry to bother you," she said. "Can I come in?"
"Uh, sure," Sasuke replied.
He was wary of her as she walked over towards the window, stopping in front of it and staring out into the night. Sakura had told him earlier that she'd been in a coma since their battle. Apparently the girl hadn't been joking or being dramatic when she hastily explained to Naruto that she was 'not going to wake up for a while'. Sasuke had been a little pissed off at the time, thinking that Aratashiki was leaving them just to take a nap or something.
However, something strange had happened then - something Sasuke couldn't completely explain, and didn't understand regarding how she did it. Naruto and Sasuke had been thrust...somewhere, either back in time or into someone's memories. It was different from merely showing a memory, like how Itachi had shown him memories. They were living out the memories, experiencing every thought and emotion that the original actor had.
They first saw memories of a child living in another world, a place not unlike their own but still completely alien. And, they'd soon realized, that was because it was literally alien. Kaguya Otsutsuki was a young girl, not more than fourteen, and was simply going about her daily life alongside some companion whom they were watching it all through. Sasuke had quickly deduced that the perspective they were seeing things from was Aratashiki's own, which was soon confirmed within the memory.
After that, they had seen some of Kaguya's own life during which she lived among humanity. Including the more important interactions with her sons Hagoromo and Hamura, and the eventual fight which resulted in her concealment within the moon. This was the part that vexed Sasuke - that Aratashiki was able to show them someone else's life, a life that she herself had no knowledge of - beyond the fact that it had certainly been lived.
The surreal experience did not last long, but was still long enough to show them a potential weakness within their foe. One that was, while unexpected and a bit ridiculous, very useful in the end, and that allowed them to distract her long enough to perform the seal.
He had only glimpsed a fraction of this woman's abilities but they baffled him, and often he speculated about what it would be like if they'd been fighting her instead. They managed to defeat Kaguya, but it was only by the skin of their teeth, and although she wasn't too far behind, Kaguya didn't show the same level of power that Aratashiki had. In fact, Kaguya had seemed a little afraid of Aratashiki.
So if they did fight her, he did not think it would go very well. And Sasuke Uchiha had difficulty trusting that kind of power.
"Not to be rude, but why are you even here? Aren't you immortal?" Sasuke asked.
"Immortality simply implies immunity to the state of being subject to true death. It provides no protection from the consequences of being alive," Ara murmured. "There is no escaping cause and effect, only side-stepping it for short periods."
Sasuke was neither looking for nor expecting such a bizarre and cryptic answer to a simple question, and for a moment he was reminded of the pain experienced when trying to have any kind of discussion with Itachi.
"Okay." He couldn't think of any other way to respond.
Ara snapped out of her trance and turned towards him, an apologetic smile on her face. "Sorry. I'm not here for treatment, just being kept so they can run tests or something. Not, like, experiments or anything….it's a long story, and I don't feel like talking about it."
"Ah. So then...was there something else?" Sasuke winced. He didn't intend to sound so rude all of the time, but apparently that was his way of speaking.
She glanced down at the hitai-ate that was now clutched against his chest.
"I don't wear mine either," Ara said. "I tried for a while - even made a big show of putting it on when they gave it to me. That was the last time I put it on, though."
He wasn't sure where she was headed with that statement, but nonetheless Sasuke found himself nodding in acknowledgement, encouraging her to continue. After all, he didn't have anything better to do, and being alone was not ideal. Having to listen to his own thoughts was not favorable, either.
"I don't know if you even remember what I showed you, but I've always been an outsider. Even if I were human, I wouldn't fit in here, not completely. I'm...not educated about a lot of things that are integral to actually being a part of society; some of which isn't ever taught, but learned through having normal life experiences. And I don't have the 'Will of Fire' either. I'm not a shinobi. I have all this power, but honestly? I barely even know how to use most of it, all I do know right now is that I used it and in doing so almost completely ruined everyone's lives. Now, anyone who recognizes what I am probably won't trust me. You don't trust me, either."
The last point was correct, and it felt more like she was stating a fact rather than attempting to call him out. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Ara, just staring at her for a moment and wondering why she chose to come confide in the black sheep, the suicidal maniac - and then he 'got' it, and felt a bit stupid.
"Well, it sounds like we have a bit in common, then," Sasuke said. "Welcome to the 'shunned by the village' club."
Aratashiki laughed, leaning back against the window. "I wasn't going to say it first, but yes. I guess...I just wanted you to know that your sense of being an 'Other' is valid, even if no one else understands, or dismisses it. So there is always me, if you need someone who can relate. However, I won't claim to understand how you feel about everything else."
It felt like she was proposing an alliance of sorts, which Sasuke didn't expect. Up until now she'd been, to him, an intimidating background presence and nothing more. Interacting with his classmates as if they were good friends, sitting and watching over himself, Naruto, Madara, and Hashirama while they debated with one another inside of her dimension, showing him and Naruto part of another life. Yet even when he was living through her experiences, Sasuke wasn't thinking of 'Aratashiki' as a person. Not until talking with her in the present moment.
Sasuke realized then that he'd thought of almost everyone in his life that same way whenever he initially met them.
"Thanks," he finally replied, supposing that he shouldn't turn away a potential friend. Or even a potential acquaintance, since he had a chronic lack of either.
When he looked back at Aratashiki she was staring at the ground again, biting her cheek in apparent conflict about something. Remembering that she had been unconscious for more than a month, Sasuke had a strong inclination that she wished to seek information from him.
"No, it won't be insensitive to bring up. In fact, I'm happy to discuss literally anything other than my current situation," Sasuke said with a short laugh.
Pale blue eyes flicked upwards to meet his gaze. Their blue was speckled with yellow and more teal in color, rather than the deep sapphire of Naruto's. He was thankful for this distinction. Sasuke's initial impression was that Aratashiki was very similar to Naruto, and in some ways that was true, but at the same time she was unequivocally disparate from the blonde - a reality that wasn't obvious to him from afar. When she hesitated again, Sasuke continued to guess her thoughts.
"You want to know what happened. With Kaguya."
At last she moved, sighing and nodding her head in confirmation.
"Yeah...I've kind of been dying to know, and right now you're the only person I can ask," she said, grinning sheepishly.
"Don't feel bad. Do you mind if I just show you? It won't be interesting if I explain it, I'm not a good storyteller."
She agreed to the idea, and so Sasuke used his mangekyou sharingan to put her under a genjutsu and relayed his memories of the fight.
After Kabuto's body had been taken over by Black Zetsu and forcibly turned into the Ten-tails jinchuuriki, Kabuto used his new and immense power to unleash a literal tsunami of chakra-absorbing snakes. The disgusting, writhing mass of reptiles swept out across the battlefield and swarmed their forces, greedily sucking down the chakra of anyone unable to escape. Which was the majority of their shinobi. In less time than there was to react, he had apparently leeched enough of the stuff for Zetsu to call forth his 'mother' - and that was when Kaguya appeared.
To add insult to injury, Kaguya immediately cast the Infinite Tsukuyomi so that she could begin collecting her chakra from the rest of the world. Sasuke, Obito, and Madara were able to block it's light with their rinnegan, shielding themselves along with Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, and Aratashiki's unconscious body. Soon after, Team 7 confronted Kaguya - who Aratashiki noticed never spoke herself, instead letting her creepy zetsu do it for her - and refused to give audience to the monologue Zetsu had prepared.
Kaguya dragged them through several of her dimensions as they fought, and - both surprisingly and unsurprisingly - neglected to bring Aratashiki or Madara Uchiha along for the ride; a wise decision on her part. Meaning that, for an entire day and while the world was in limbo, Aratashiki's body was dutifully babysat by a crew of very powerful zombies, and Madara.
Aside from that comedic bit, the battle was quite harrowing for Ara to watch. Naruto and Sasuke's strength was impressive, but it was still only enough for a narrow victory. Things could have gone terribly wrong at any moment. Additionally, if not for Hagoromo, the aforementioned heroes along with Sakura, Kakashi, Obito and the Bijuu would still be trapped inside of Kaguya's hellworld. Apart from the Bijuu, they would have also all been dead by the time Aratashiki woke from her slumber.
The vision lasted less than a minute, and when it ended Aratashiki had gone pale, an anxious look in her eyes. He thought the reaction a little odd, since she ought to be relieved that everything turned out okay.
"Um, thanks, for showing me," she finally said. "I...I'm sorry I wasn't able to help."
"You did help. Thanks to you, Naruto had a moment of genius that won us the fight," Sasuke pointed out.
There was a beat of silence while she stared at him in confusion.
"The um, well when you showed us Kaguya's life, Naruto drew the conclusion that-" Sasuke paused, trying to think of a proper way to word the statement "-basically, that 'reverse harem' jutsu Naruto used to distract her wasn't a fluke. He had good reason to believe that it would work."
Realization dawned on Aratashiki's face, and a moment later she exploded with laughter. "Oh my god. I just wanted to show you her abilities, I didn't think her thirst was going to be...and that means that even as an adult she was still...oh my god."
Even the most dire of situations and the most dangerous foes could still be a source of great humor. In Kaguya Otsutsuki's case, her own romantic personality and her unrestrained desire for men of particular types had been used against her not once, but twice - the second time leading to her demise.
"Yeah, well, that's why they call Naruto the 'number one most unpredictable ninja," Sasuke laughed; a short-lived sound that more closely resembled a huff, and soon the amusement fell from his face. "Naruto's always been special…"
Naruto was everything, Sasuke thought, and he'd walked away.
Aratashiki didn't say anything else. She sat on the ground and they remained in comfortable silence for over an hour until Sasuke began to doze off, at which point she bid him goodnight. Sasuke told Ara that she was welcome to come back at any time, if she ever felt inclined to be bored inside of the mental health ward rather than her own hospital room. Both the joke and the offer caught her off-guard for a moment, but then she began to laugh, and warned him to be careful what he wished for. She promised to return, however.
Sasuke was glad, thankful for the assured company after so many years of loneliness.
AN: I promise things will start to look up again, haha. Sorry for the NaruSasu/SasuNaru tease...even if they don't end up together in this timeline(well...for now) its still important to acknowledge their relationship. Like, I can't just ignore that entire dimension of their characters, yanno? Anyways. Now that the first big Monkey's Paw moment is bygone, we'll actually move on and see about the post-war society, and confront that bitch Kaguya. Time to put our Moon jujuitsu to use ;)