Oswald shivered as he pulled his jacket off, hanging it on the rack as he closed the door and locked it. Luckily his mother had finally given both him and Murphy keys, since she'd been staying at her sister's house more and more frequently since she'd fallen ill.
He yawned as he unbuttoned his vest, walking towards his room. He opened the door and saw Murphy laying in bed.
"Are you asleep?" He asked, shedding his clothes, not really caring where they ended up.
"Not really," Murphy yawned, sitting up in bed and looking up at him. "Long day?" Murphy had been off today, so things had been quiet, but Oswald looked dead on his feet with exhaustion.
"You have no idea." He said crawling into bed next to Murphy. He gently pushed him back down to go the bed and cuddled up next to him, wanting the comforting feel of Murphy with him.
For a moment, Murphy remained still, surprised that Oswald finally was actually touching him again. In the few days since Oswald had forgiven him, they still hadn't so much as cuddled. The tension had let up, and he'd been allowed back into Oswald's bed, and Oswald didn't seem angry… But Murphy had nonetheless started to wonder if Oswald was having second thoughts after all. But maybe all he'd needed was a little time.
Murphy wrapped his arms around Oswald, relieved that he was able to hold him again, and ran his fingers lightly through the back of Oswald's hair. "Everything okay?" he asked.
"Fish was in a bad mood today. Maroni hasn't been making his payments to Falcone. Samson has been pocketing the money and she's pissed." He said quietly. "Of course Falcone already handed him over to Maroni but Falcone is pissed at Mooney for not catching it sooner. She doesn't have Samson there to take it out on, so ..."
Murphy winced. "So Mooney decided to make you miserable because you were there," he finished. Which, unfortunately, was something neither of them could do a damn thing about. Fish Mooney would continue to treat Oswald however the hell she wanted to. He held Oswald a little closer and kissed him softly on the forehead. "I'm sorry you had a shitty day," he said.
Oswald nodded. "I wish you were there today. Everyone was laughing at me." He said, his right arm going around Murphy's waist, his left hand on Murphy's chest.
"Everyone we work with is an asshole," Murphy said, one hand resting between Oswald's shoulderblades, the other still running gently through Oswald's hair. "I wish I was there too. You shouldn't have to deal with this crap alone." Though he doubted there was much he could have done to help. It bothered him how much Mooney seemed to single Oswald out for humiliation. He understood that she felt the need to publicly assert her power, but… it seemed to him that Oswald was on the receiving end far more often than any of their coworkers.
"It could have been worse I suppose," he said. At least she hadn't punished him for the mistakes he'd made today. "I'm just glad to be home."
Murphy nodded. It could definitely have been worse. And that was somehow just as terrifying as it was comforting. Things could always be worse. "I'm glad you're home too," he whispered. He was quiet for a moment, just holding Oswald's thin form against him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against him as he breathed.
After a while, Murphy broke the silence. "This… is kind of off topic," he said. "But… how do you feel about this? About us, I mean?"
Oswald glanced up at Murphy before looking back at his chest, his hand running over the soft hairs on his chest. "Confused ... Mostly." He said softly.
That made sense, all things considered. Murphy looked down at Oswald. "Are you confused about what you want, or about what I want?" he asked gently, then added: "Or about whether you can trust me." That last one at least, was probably still an issue.
Oswald sighed and pulled away from Murphy slightly. "All of the above. I don't know what you're looking for, or what I am to you. If I'm just going to be a fuck buddy or ..." Oswald paused and shook his head. "And to be honest I like you Murphy, I really do but ... I'm still confused about ..." He paused shyly. "I don't know if I like you in ... You know ... That way because I like men or if ... If it's just because you're the first person to ..."
"To find you attractive?" Murphy supplied. Which he did, immensely. But just because no one else had felt that way about him before didn't mean Oswald was in any way obligated to reciprocate that feeling. And Murphy was aware of that.
"No." Oswald said his voice barely above a whisper. "To look at me like I'm human."
Murphy felt a sharp pain at Oswald's words. "Oswald," he said quietly. "You are human. Everyone should treat you like one. You don't owe me anything for that. You know that, don't you?"
"Yeah well ... It's hard to think that when no ones told you that before. My mom doesn't even look at me like I'm human. She's kinder than everyone else but ... She treats me like a child ... Like some kind of porcelain doll that she has to protect lest I shatter ..." He sighed and looked up at Murphy. "You're the only person to treat me like I'm someone ... Not something to be protected or put on a mantle, or like some flightless bird. But ... You look at me and you see me ... And ... That frightens me a bit."
"I'm… kind of frightened by this too," Murphy admitted. "Just by how quickly I started to develop such strong feelings for you. You're not just a fuck-buddy to me, I assure you." He looked back into Oswald's intense eyes. "I care about you deeply. And you're the only person left in the world who cares about me at all." Somehow, alarmingly quickly, Oswald had become everything to him. "But… I know you're still trying to figure all this out. And that you might decide that this isn't right for you after all, and… and that's okay. But I can't help wanting to be with you, in whatever way you're willing to have me." He smoothed back Oswald's hair. "If you want something more casual until you're sure, I'll understand, but… I would really like you to be my boyfriend."
Oswald felt panicked by that, his body stiffening slightly. Murphy ... Was asking him to ... To be his boyfriend? It sounded so juvenile but at the same time ... He'd never had a ... A boyfriend before ... Or a girlfriend for that matter. He was just so confused. He knew this was wrong ... Was raised to know that men didn't date men ... Or have sex with them for that matter. It was against everything Oswald had been raised to believe. But ... It felt right.
"I-" Oswald paused not knowing what to say. "I'll ... I'll have to think about that." He said quietly, nervously. He felt as if he didn't make the decision now Murphy would walk away, but he couldn't make that decision now ... Maybe that would be best. If Murphy walked away. Just like everyone else. That he was used to. That he knew how to react. He closed his eyes and looked down so that Murphy couldn't see his face.
Murphy felt Oswald stiffen next to him. He hadn't meant to make him uncomfortable. Maybe, given the circumstances, it was too soon to even ask. Oswald's personal confusion aside, they had just spent five weeks barely speaking to each other. But Murphy needed to make his intentions clear, to get it through Oswald's head that he really cared about him, even if he couldn't really expect much of an answer right now.
Still. Oswald hadn't flat out said no. He was thinking about it. Murphy could still be hopeful.
"Okay," he said softly, looking down at Oswald, but his face was turned away. "Take all the time you need. I just… wanted to let you know how I feel."
Oswald looked up at Murphy, almost surprised he was so supporting that he needed time. He nodded and moved back into Murphy's arms, exhaustion still tugging at him as he struggled to stay awake.
Murphy kissed Oswald softly on the cheek as he took him into his arms, and held him close, enjoying the feeling of just being near him. As much as he would like some form of commitment eventually, some sense of security in this relationship, he could be content with this for now.