Trigger Warning might be needed. I don't know for sure, but this is my warning JIC.

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Chapter 20

November 11, 2004 – Lillian Goldman Law Library – 8:30pm

"There you guys are."

Rory cut her eyes up as she sat chewing on the eraser of a pencil stolen from her bun, "Hey Colin." She immediately went back to reading the passage in front of her, glaring at the page as she made some note in her binder. Haphazardly sprawled out across three chairs, Finn snored softly as his feet snuggled into Rory's lap and his head propped on her backpack.

Colin flipped one of the wooden oak chairs around and sat down parallel to Rory, "You ready for that exam tomorrow?"

She didn't bother to look up again, "Yeah, I finished a while back. I'm just looking into some extra credit."

"Oh, well I showed up at the perfect time then." He smirked and leaned back, "I'm sure you need my legal expertise."

She briefly shook her head, "I'm good."

He barked a laugh, "Come on… like you could find a more qualified legal tutor!" He snatched the book up, scanning to see medical jargon, "What the…"

He put a finger in as a placeholder on his page and flipped the front to read the cover: Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault: A Forensic Handbook.

"Oh shit…Rory…" he sheepishly pushed the book back over to the statuesque figure across from him. He rubbed his hands over his face. "Look…I'm…"

She cut him off, pushing Finn's feet off her lap and standing. "I'm heading back to Finn's. Don't follow."

Finn flailed wildly as he woke, allowing Rory access to her backpack as she hurriedly stuffed her books in the bag. He scratched his head, "Hey there mate…here for your…" His voice trailed off as he saw Rory's frenzied pace.

Voice thick with emotion, Colin tried to apologize, "Rory, look I'm really sorry."

"Finn, let's go."

Colin grew roots for a few moments as he watched Finn steal Rory's bag and crook his elbow around her neck, drawing her into his side before calling his best friend.

"Hey man, everything ok?"

"My Rory duty got shifted to Finn. I screwed up, man." Colin exited and started walking back towards his apartment he was sharing with Stephanie this year.

Logan sighed, pushing away the schoolwork he'd been neglecting while dealing with all the Rory-drama and heading to his wet bar. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he poured, "What happened?" It seemed everyday brought more problems and he was starting to relate to his father. He shuttered.

Colin gave a quick re-cap, "I wished you could have seen her face. I mean, I know she wasn't happy about us all sharing Rory-duty to begin with, but I really screwed this up. I didn't connect all the dots. Did you know?"

"Yeah, she asked us to keep it quiet." Logan lied as he chugged his scotch.

November 22, 2004 – Finn's Apartment

"Finn!"Rosemary called out as she entered the apartment.

"Over here!" She followed the voice to the master bathroom door. Finn was seated outside the door, a book in his hand.

"What are you doing?" She gave him a quick kiss and propped a curious hand on her hip.

As if he was talking about the color of the sky, "Love's taking a shower."

"Yes…" Her tone was curious, "that still doesn't explain you sitting outside the bathroom."

Exasperated, "I'm on Rory duty Rose. I'm making sure nothing happens."

The redhead had had enough. She yanked him up by his hand and drug him into the living room, closing the bedroom door behind her.

"Finn, this has GOT to stop!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Being locked up and having you hovering like this can't be good for Rory's recovery." Rosemary's voice was exasperated. Her boyfriend and his best friend had practically been locked in his apartment for nearly a month now besides classes and trips to the library. Now he was guarding her as she showered?

Finn grabbed a nearby vase and threw it across the room, shattering against the brick wall, "How could you possibly know what's best for her? I'm her best friend. You don't know what you're talking about!"

She wanted to be angry. Every fiber in her body was screaming to throw things, shout and fight back… but she knew it wouldn't get her anywhere. She softened her voice, "Look, I know you're feeling guilty. It wasn't anyone's fault that this happened, but we've got to help Rory live again. She can't hide from this forever."

He spared a glance over his shoulder to the closed bedroom door. "I don't want to hear it Rose. My best friend was raped, beaten, and drugged. She spent hours having her entire body documented by the hospital, being interrogated by the police, and when she just wants to go home to her apartment and recoup, we find out that the mother fucker bugged her apartment by pretending to be from the security company." He threw himself on the couch now and put his head in his hands. "I have to be here for her. I love her more than anyone. She's my sister."

Rosemary eased over to put a hand on his shoulder, trying not to take offense to his words, "Logan's done with class at 1. Let's give them some alone time. We can go get some food and watch a movie." She looked over his personal appearance: over a week's worth of patchy facial hair, stained clothes, and greasy hair. "Maybe take a quick shower and get ready?"

Finn sighed loudly, "No Rose. We can't go frolicking on a date right now. It's not the time or the place. When Logan gets here, I need to go pickup Rory's medication."

She stood up abruptly, "Well happy fucking birthday to me. At least take a damn shower. You reek."

He stood up in time to see her slam the door. He glanced between the front door and the master bedroom, finally shaking his head and walking back to the master bedroom.

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"There's my girl." Logan walked into Finn's apartment to find Rory laying on the couch. He'd spent weeks trying to figure out how the hell he was going to have this conversation, but he couldn't put it off any longer. "How was your day?"

She shrugged and glanced back at the television screen. With a quick leap, Logan was sitting in front of her with the TV turned off.

"Can we have a real conversation?"

Silence.

He leaned out to grab her hand, but she suddenly had the desire to braid her hair. She fumbled, not looking him in the eye as she pulled her ponytail out and meticulously started the braid.

"Let's start with that. Can you tell me why you won't let me touch you? Is it because of….everything that happened?"

She shrugged indifferently, finishing the braid then ripping it out and starting over.

"Rory."

More deafening silence as the braid was quit and started again.

"Rory." His patience was wearing thin. "I know you're going through a lot right now, but for me to be here for you, I need you to talk to me."

When she didn't respond this time, Logan felt his last straw snap. He snatched up his keys and wallet, slamming the door as he left. He'd made it all the way to the lobby when he fell onto the nearest couch. He wanted nothing more than to run away from this as fast as he could; however, the small still voice in the back of his brain told him he was better than this now. He heard the rumble of a storm outside, the rain already starting.

Rory hated storms.

He scurried to get back up the elevator and into Finn's apartment. When he found no trace of her on the couch, he was drawn upstairs by a sliver of light. The storm darkened the entire apartment, giving it an eerie gloom. Lightning flashed every few minutes, lighting up the stairs. The door to the guest bathroom stood ajar, allowing just enough space for him to see Rory seated on the edge of the tub. He eased the door open, "Rory…"

Rory's eyes bulged; her face guilty. In her hands was a razor blade, red with the blood that Logan could now see was coming from her inner thigh.

"What the hell?" His voice mangled anger and fear to come out as a weird baritone.

She tossed the blade into the trash and bolted, brushing past Logan and out into the garden.

The rain was coming down in sheets now, thunder rumbling in the distance as Rory looked up to the sky. The cold water burned her fresh cuts, the pain a welcomed friend. Due to the rain, no one could see into the garden which was lucky as Rory had nothing on now but a plain white t-shirt and underwear. Her pajama bottoms abandoned in the bathroom in her rush to escape Logan.

He'd discovered her secret.

"RORY!" His voice billowed over the thunder, his hands on her shoulders whipping her around to face him. "What were you doing in there?!"

She glared straight ahead into his eyes, "You wouldn't understand."

His eyes ping-ponged hers frantically, scoping down her body to investigate any other scrapes he might have missed. He saw the dark red running down her leg, "Rory…were….were you trying to…?" His throat constricted tightly around his vocal cords, stopping anymore words. What had he done?

She hung her head, "I haven't had the nerve. Just been…" She paused as the pain tingled her legs. "Just been trying to feelsomething."

Logan softly placed his arms around her shoulders, squeezing as he kissed her head, "Rory, I'm so sorry. I should have protected you. Gone with you and not let you out alone. I'm still just too selfish and now I see what that can do. I'm sorry. I've never loved anyone like this; I just want to help. Please let me. Let all of us help you."

He felt her whip back to look up into his eyes, "This is NOT your fault, Logan! It's mine. You'd all be better off if I wasn't around to cause all these problems. Everyone has to take turns babysitting me. I don't know how to talk to anyone anymore. I just feel so empty. I feel guilty for existing." Hot tears stung her eyes and mixed with the cold rain.

A cracking of thunder in the distance made Rory jump and screech slightly.

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore."

Rory absorbed the seriousness in Logan's face.

"I. LOVE. YOU. And so do so many others! Your mom, dad, Francine, Richard, Straub, Emily, Stephanie, Colin." He fiercely stared into her eyes, "Finn. Can you imagine what it would do to any of them to know that you were gone? Never around again and all because we couldn't do enough to keep you? Don't be that fucking selfish, Rory. Suicide is selfish. If you can't live for yourself, live for them. For me."

"Logan…it…it hurts soo bad." She sniffled juicily, suddenly feeling as if she couldn't stand anymore. The cold sunk into her bones, causing her to shake wildly. "I haven't been completely honest about what happened."

"I know."

Her eyes shot up to meet his then narrowed, "Colin."

He nodded, "Yeah, I acted like I knew. Rory, why wouldn't you tell me or the others?"

She downcast her eyes again, "I'm disgusting Logan. I told Finn and Francine, but that's it."

Jealousy crept into his bones, "When did Finn find out?"

"The day in the hospital."

He blew out a shaky breath, now was not the time, "Rory, please let. me. in." He placed a hand on her breastbone, "All the way in."

She suddenly threw her arms around his neck, "I'll try."

He scooped up her legs to hold her bridal-style and took her back inside into the bathroom. He eased her onto the toilet and turned on the shower. "Warm up, won't you? I'll go downstairs and grab you some dry clothes." He leaned down to kiss her cheek, but she grabbed his face and guided it to her lips.

He softly traced her chin, "Please don't give up."

She nodded, sniffling.

He had almost closed the door when he heard his name softly, so he peeked his head back in, "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry." Her eyes cut over to the waste basket.

He shook his head, "You're still here, aren't you? No apologies necessary."

The next morning, Finn woke up early to find Rory in the kitchen making a pot of coffee. Logan had just left for his last class before Thanksgiving break.

"Well good morning Love. Pleasant surprise to see you up."

An easy smile was painted onto her face, "I slept the best I have in weeks last night. No nightmares. I need to sleep in the bed with Logan every night."

Finns surprise to her using more than three words was evident on his face, "Wow! That's amazing! Do you want to start sleeping downstairs with me then? Maybe it'll help?"

She nodded, "Maybe so, we can try it out when I get back next week." She absently stirred her creamer in her cup.

Finn, never a big coffee drinker, poured himself some juice and then pulled Rory into his side, "How are you feeling about that?"

Rory hadn't seen her family in person since that day nearly a month ago when they'd all banded together to find out about her attack. She had been on the receiving end of numerous phone calls, a compromise for space she assumed came at the request of her grandmother.

"I don't know. Nervous. Logan and I had some big conversations yesterday. I'm…" Her voice trailed off, "I'm not sure what I need, but I know I can't keep on like this." Rory looked up to see worry in Finn's eyes. She noticed how dark the circles under his eyes were and how his shirt hung a little looser than it did the last time he wore it. She'd missed so much in just six weeks.

"Finn, I don't want to be a burden on anyone's life anymore, especially not yours."

He started to start to say something, but she quickly interrupted, "I know what you're going to say, but I know my behavior is taking a toll on you. When's the last time you hung out with Rosemary? I haven't seen Colin or Stephanie in weeks either."

Finn didn't want to tell her Colin had been missing because he had banned him from his apartment after the library incident. A confession for another day.

He hung his head and mumbled softly, "I think Rosemary broke up with me."

"Wait…what?"

"We got into a huge fight yesterday. She was being ridiculous and I'm not sure where we stand on the way we left things."

Rory felt a wave of anger, "NO!" She slammed her mug on the countertop and glared into Finn's confused eyes, "HE does not get to take anymore away from us. He's not taking your relationship Finn, I won't let him."

Finn pulled her in for a hug, "I'll get her back when I have the time. I've got to focus on my family first, Rory. You're my family."

"Finn, I've got other people who can help." She sighed, sitting down at the bar. "I don't want you to lose Rosemary over this. You guys are so good together."

He shrugged, "Rory, did I tell you why I couldn't be in the hospital room waiting like everyone else?"

She shook her head.

"It made me physically ill to see you like that. I threw up in your bedpan the first time we walked in. I hadn't done enough to try and protect you. I brought you into this world with these people. Who knows if someone I introduced you to do this? I just…" His voice fell off.

She grabbed his hand, "You and Logan." She blew out a breath and shook her head, "It's not your job to protect me. I'm a grown woman and anything that happens is either my fault or the person who did it to me. I've been struggling….it feels like my fault. I feel disgusting. I'm in so much pain Finn." Cool tears trekked down her face, "I need you guys, but I won't ruin your lives over it. I'm going to get help. Logan and I talked last night. I'm going to talk to my family on Thanksgiving and see what my next step should be."

Finn pulled her in for a bone-crushing hug, "Love you sis."

November 24, 2004 – Huntzberger Residence – Hartford

"Logan," Mitchum walked into the family library to find his son poking at a fire absently, staring at the cellphone in his hand. "Waiting on a call?"

Logan nodded, "Yeah, Rory text and said she'd be getting an update today. Just anxious is all."

All of Hartford had heard about Rory's attack. The gossip mill had been swirling with reasons and potential suspects. Shira had gotten into a particularly heated debate at the club when Logan's name was mentioned.

Mitchum's original intent on searching out his son was to discuss upcoming business trips and his required attendance at a few meetings – what to expect and what he needed. Rory's quiet voice about getting to know his son echoed loudly, so Mitchum decided to table that and just check on his son.

"How are you doing son? I know Rory means an awful lot to you."

Logan looked back at his dad, shocked, "I'm…" He paused. "I don't know, Dad. She's having a really hard time and I don't know how to help."

"Well, how's the investigation coming?"

"The police say they're working on narrowing down the suspect list. They've been a little closed lipped about the details, but Sean doesn't understand why we can't get more information. All his contacts won't give him anything."

Mitchum sat down at his desk, "I've got contacts who might b helpful. I'll make a few calls and see if I can find out anything."

"Thanks Dad, I'm sure Rory would appreciate that."

"It's the least I could do. I owe her."

Logan turned to look at his father curiously, "What are you talking about?"

The older man laughed, "Well, first let me preface by asking that you not get angry at her or I."

"What did you do?" Logan was scowling now, not liking the turn of events.

Mitchum held up his hands in surrender, "Relax son, I just asked for her help on how to connect with you."

Logan felt his knees get a little weak, so he sat in the chair in front of his father's desk, "What did she say?"

"Well, she told me that I should quit treating you like an employee and start trying to get to know you as a person. Now, I was offended at first. You're my son, why wouldn't I know you? I've known you your whole life. It took some green college girl in love with my son to make me realize I'd never taken the time to get to know you. I've assumed you'd be just like me, but that obviously wasn't working. My father's strategy wasn't working. It's been better the past few months between us, no?"

Logan sighed heavily, "Yeah Dad, it has been better. I didn't realize you were just trying to be my Dad to get into your company."

Mitchum slapped his hands on the desk briskly, "Dammit Logan! I'm not doing this just for the company. I know you think that's the only thing I care about, but I love you son! I don't want to make the same mistakes my father did and us barely tolerate each other until the day I die. I know I've done everything wrong in your eyes, but I hope that you'll let me learn from my mistakes and us actually have a real relationship."

Logan's phone started to ring, but he looked at his dad first, "Me too, Dad."

AN: We are heading in the right direction! Next chapter will be some fun and some developments on Teddy case. Think we've got about 6-8 chapters left, who can believe it? Not me!