As the Sky May Fall

by EirlysLavellan

Slow burn Bucky/OC: Alice was always sure of the way her life would turn out; though her entire perspective shifts upon being forcibly added to the Avengers. She never thought she could be strong especially when faced with a love she thought had died in 1945. She'll do anything to keep him safe even if that means turning against the new family she's built. [Follows MCU][Rated: T/M]

20. Castle

As the Sky May Fall EirlysLavellan

The Avengers Marvel Comics

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Summary: Alice was always so sure of the way her life was going to go, however, her entire perspective is changed upon being forcibly added to the Avengers. After the Invasion of New York things quickly change and she realizes that everything she thought she was, is nothing close to what she ever imagined especially when she realizes that the man she had thought was dead turns out to be forcibly working for HYDRA as their Winter Soldier. She swears she will do anything to keep him safe even if that means going against the new family she has built.

Disclaimer: I am a poor college grad and am receiving no payment whatsoever to write this fiction. If I was, in fact, getting paid for this, I would not be a poor college graduate that I can assure you. All rights are reserved to Marvel, D.C. Comics, and Walt Disney Pictures and Columbia Studios as well as the amazing screenwriters, directors and producers, and actors who created this film. I only own the subplot as well as Alice Alexander and any other unrecognizable character throughout the plot.

Story Type: OC-Insert – Slight AU/Fix-it come Endgame

Main Pairing: Eventual Bucky/OC

Other Pairings: Slight Nat/Cap, Maria/OC and OC/OC

Rating: T/M

Warning: Spoilers, character death, violence, suggestive themes (such as sexual assault/self-harm/depression) and vulgarity.

Author's Note: Why hello again fam! Here is the next chapter for ya!

I know, two chapters in one week? HOLY SHIT! Anyway, there's a whole lot of stuff in this chapter as well as my first mutant crossover! EVERYONE WELCOME TO THE STAGE...mehhh...you'll find out ;)

But, with all of that said, let's get to my thank yous and review replies from those who might not have an account here on FF to get a private response!

As always a special thank you to: simmerandcry, and Guest for their lovely reviews!

*If you don't have an account no worries just leave me a name in your review and I'll answer you in the beginning of the chapter! For anyone who has an account I always shoot you a PM as soon as FF allows me to see the post ;)*

Also a HUGE thank you to everyone else that has favorited and followed this here story of mine. I hope you all enjoy and please don't forget to R&R!

Guest - I am so immeasurably happily you love her nickname, lol. It took me forever which is dumb because I mean...her name literally implies it, but I digress, haha! But anyway thank you so much for your review and I hope you enjoy this one as well!

WHEW now that we're here, on to the story beauties~!

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As the Sky May Fall
Deadpool /|\ Age of Ultron
Chapter 20

Early January 2015,
New York City

Alice glanced at her phone and frowned softly.

She was running later than normal after dropping her car and her dog off at Avengers Tower and playing twenty questions with Tony. She knew that if he really had been that curious as to her errands that day he would have followed her or at least insisted on coming along with her. Alice had been adamant about visiting an old friend and he had thankfully dropped it instead asking questions about her preferred colors and sizes so that he could begin making her a suit much to her chagrin and amusement and she promised to send him measurements and her preferred look with further details to his StarkPad as soon as she finished it. Alice didn't like hiding things from her friends, but she knew she needed help outside of the Avengers for what she had planned and she had finally managed to get the ball in motion.

If she was going to take on HYDRA in an effort to keep both herself and Bucky safe, she knew she would need someone who couldn't easily die and so her search had led her to Wade Wilson.

She recalled Colossus and Logan arguing about him just that morning when she had visited Professor Xavier in regards to her mutation and knew that while he wasn't connected to the X-men, he would be the perfect ally to have and if he was like her and Logan then that was all the better. Through some quick research she found he liked to frequent a bar in the darker parts of the Bronx that was called Sister Margaret's Home for Wayward Girls, though she also knew it to be called the Hell House which she didn't know was supposed to reference some sort of cover that mercenaries in the area used or if it was some kind of inside joke.

Either way, Alice knew that that is where she would find Wade – Deadpool – Logan had scoffed at the name and Colossus merely looked disappointed at the choice as he was the one tasking himself with recruiting the wily mercenary to the X-men. Something he had failed to do in the three years since the mercenary had been discovered to be a mutant. Negasonic Teenage Warhead, or Ellie Phimister as Alice knew her as, and merely shrugged and simply said: Fuck him, who cares. Alice had never laughed so hard at such a blasé dismissal before in her life and found she quite enjoyed the teen's presence and she assumed the teen merely tolerated hers.

She shook the look she remembered the Professor shooting her – as if he knew what she had planned and didn't approve – from her mind as she continued to think. She had never been a part of his mutant academy, nor had she ever been a part of his team so she didn't care for his opinions on the matter of her personal life, but she respected when he did impart advice since he really had no reason to. She knew he didn't approve of her methods, but also was aware that so long as her actions didn't trace back to mutants or harm the undeserving he would do nothing to stop her. They had a mutual respect in that area considering she was significantly older than him and had been dealing with mutant affairs much longer than their known existence and she respected him as a leading authority for modern mutants.

Alice shook her head once again as she hailed a taxi, directing the driver to the bar and sitting back. It would have perhaps been cheaper to take the subway or even walk, but she had never felt comfortable in the underground transportation and it tended to trigger her claustrophobia faster than if she was trapped in a taxi and she honestly didn't feel like braving the cold January air in New York City already bundled up in a thick yet stylish trench coat and turtleneck in an effort to keep heat. Alice preferred the cooler weather of fall or spring, but bitter cold was where she drew the line. It was something she had to explain more than once when she and Sam had begun to playfully argue about why their preferred seasons were better than the other while she had been setting up Christmas decorations over the holiday in their shared apartment with Steve.

The three had been effectively living together since the summer and they had settled into an easy routine during that time. Steve had his own apartment in Avengers tower, as a matter of fact, they all did, but the patriot hadn't wanted to stay by himself. Tony had taken special care and thought of each member's preferences before assigning them apartments, which spanned an entire floor of the tower and each had a different layout – again based on preferences – with the only common thing being the small entryway that spanned about ten feet between the apartment door and the elevator to that floor. It was a nice touch that allowed them a bit of privacy and so no one could just take the elevator directly into any of their individual apartments.

The penthouse was a common floor for them all which included the central lab and work area – commonly used by Tony and Bruce – and housed much of the team's equipment as well as the bar and lounge area. It had been set up so that it was merely an area they could lounge together if they deemed fit and have team meetings or, in Tony's case, lavish parties. It was also where the quinjets landing pad was located – once being Tony's personal landing pad that removed and stored his suit. This floor, being the largest, also held most of Tony's personal projects and robotics assembly including the Iron Legion that was still in development that Tony and Bruce were on task to finish in the coming weeks, the billionaire's obsession and desperation for it to work concerning.

The next floor down from the penthouse belonged to Thor. It was mostly set up as a two bedroom apartment that had a launch pad on one single side of the tower that allowed the god to take off and land as he pleased and imprinted with the design left from the Bifrost upon his first visit. The launch pad merely looked like a balcony, but stepped down into the god's living room and was locked by Jarvis and would automatically unlock when the god would land. This floor was also shared by Clint and was set up with a series of sweeping balconies so that the archer could have view of the city – the apartment on the smaller side due to the man hardly ever staying at the tower himself.

The next floor down had been given to Alice. Alice's apartment, unlike Clint's single bedroom, was a four bedroom with three and a half baths with a widely open concept. It had been decorated with a more farmhouse feel that had modern appliances and modern accents – a blend between the two styles that she had taken care to adjust to her own liking. Jute rugs ran through most of the common areas of the apartment including the living room where she had a cream colored sectional set up with light oak fixtures which included the coffee table – which was a large trunk-like piece she had attached wheels to so it could be moved easier – and an entertainment center. She enjoyed interior design and Johanna Gaines was her idol and so there were woven baskets and other knickknacks, taking her male roommates into account with pieces they also enjoyed. Steve and Sam mostly let her do as she liked with the space considering Steve did have his own apartment and Sam was merely crashing with her, but she had insisted they pick things out that they wanted and also encouraged them decorating their own rooms. The fourth room acted as an office and library of sorts – it was what was meant to be the master bedroom, but the three had converted it so that they could fit three different desks and desktops so they could work on whatever they needed to in their own space. Their kitchen was all black cabinets and black marble with sharp silver appliances that Alice fixed with a few backed bar stools that were made with a cane texture and macramé. It was incredibly cozy and always smelled nice because the mutant had an extreme candle addiction as Sam and Steve quickly figured out, though the patriot was aware of it having lived with Alice briefly before. When she had asked Tony why he had given her one of the top floors he insisted it was because he liked her best and so that he could bother her whenever he felt the need since his lab was in the penthouse.

A floor beneath them belonged to Steve, though he was rarely on that floor if at all since he didn't have much and didn't want to brave another trip to IKEA with Natasha and least of all Alice who seemed to enjoy teasing him about that one time in Washington DC, besides, the mutant had a better view of the Manhattan skyline and it made his inner artist sing. Alice had helped him set up his actual apartment, much to his chagrin, to act as an art studio and a place where if any of the team wanted to meet with him privately he could do so without she or Sam accidentally walking into the conversation or overhearing. He was the team's leader and so Tony had thought it best to place him in the middle of everyone so that everyone could easily meet or visit with him. When Alice had told the genius that Steve was currently bunked up with her, he had nearly cursed and asked why he even bothered. The tone was teasing and so Alice didn't think much of it, merely explaining that it was being used as a meeting area and art space which Tony had accepted with a sarcastic smile.

Below Steve's apartment/floor was Tony's abode. His was perhaps the most modern of the apartments and for obvious reasons. He shared this space with Pepper on most occasions since he rarely seemed to occupy his time with Stark Mansion, liking the hustle and bustle of Midtown much more than the outskirts of the city where admittedly he felt disconnected and haunted by the memory of his parents. He had built a landing pad very similar to the one in the penthouse so that he could take off and fly whenever he truly wanted to. Though he had the entire floor to himself, much like Thor, he always seemed to have a room available for Rhodey whenever he popped in for an extended visit. Alice had only met him once or twice and never for prolonged periods of time so she didn't know him well enough to have an opinion, but she found that he at least leveled Tony out which was all she could really ask for until she got to know him.

The next floor down belonged to Natasha and like Clint's it was rarely used, however, since she had exposed herself to the world she had taken up residence within the tower much more frequently. It was closer to the ground and was closer to the stairs so she had easy access to entry and exit points while still remaining secure. Like Tony and Thor, the entire floor belonged to her and had a more traditional layout as far as apartments went with hints of modern tucked in with more antique furnishings. Alice had quite liked the look of Natasha's place and the two women had traded styling tips back and forth, the mutant surprised by how opinionated the Russian was about her space. The redhead also had a small dance studio built into her apartment and one that Alice knew better than to ask about, though she had commented that the floor length windows truly made it feel open – a comment that had the tension in the woman next to her easing slightly. Despite what some may have thought the interior of the apartment was mostly light wood and white countertops to brighten the space with accent walls that Alice had been surprised in the color pallet. Natasha had merely shrugged and said her favorite color was blue and that she preferred pastels.

Below her was Bruce's abode and like almost everyone else he had the floor to himself. Tony clearly had always intended to put Bruce's apartment below everyone else's because the man was uncomfortable with heights and didn't like to feel trapped. It was something Alice learned about the doctor after the incident in DC and after she had come to live at the tower full-time. His concern being in the event that he Hulks out then at least he's closer to the ground and wouldn't feel restrained – something he admitted his other half didn't like and the mutant could sympathize. His floor, like Tony's, was decked out in modern accents and the genius had taken time to install an escape-hatch for the doctor for if he did Hulk-out and needed to jump. It acted as a chute that took him immediately to the ground floor and exited into an open car lot that was monitored by Jarvis in the event someone needed to calm him down. Bullets only served to make the Hulk angry.

Tony had also had a bit of fun at their expense and had placed symbols on the outside of each of their apartments that coincided with either who they were or what Tony thought would be funny. Thor's was his hammer, Mjölnir, Clint's was his bow and arrow, Alice's was the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland – a play on her hero alias and her name – much to her chagrin, Steve's was his shield, Natasha's was the Widow symbol and Bruce's was a DNA strand, a joke on him being a bioengineer.

During the last few months, Alice had begun working through a duel doctoral program through both NYU and MIT that Tony had been able to pull strings through, happy enough that she had decided to take him up on the offer at all considering she hadn't initially wanted to. She, Sam and Steve continued to work on tracking Bucky, without much luck, with Steve joining the Avengers on more and more missions around the globe – their recent conquest being in Canada where Thor had magically reappeared and demanded to know what was happening and that they needed to find Loki's scepter as it had gone missing after S.H.I.E.L.D's collapse. She had been happy to see the Asgardian once more and he had become obsessed with Rumsfeld, the dog happy enough to follow the large off-world man around the tower whenever he was around and he would speak to the dog as if truly understanding him nearly as much as Rumsfeld seemed to understand everyone around him. It had startled her at first when he had laughed while they were playing and he had spoken to the dog as if they were in a boxing ring insisting that the dog shouldn't speak of peoples mothers in that sort of way.

Thor had once told her about Allspeak, which he was fluent in, and she had assumed it meant any spoken language…clearly it worked for animals as well.

She sighed softly to herself as she glanced out of the window as they turned into the Bronx and she watched the comings and goings of the streets they passed, resolving to walk back despite her earlier reluctance after catching a look at the meter.

After a half hour trip, which Alice knew could have easily been made in less than half that time, she paid her cab and stepped out onto the sidewalk and ignored the large and shady characters that seemed to loiter around the entrance and she stepped past them, making sure her carefully constructed aloof mask was in place. She knew this place was seedy at best and to be careless would be a mistake. She was Override in this world (a play on her mutation – as she seemed to literally override death – as well as her role as a hacker over the last thirty years) and she knew better than anyone that if they managed to trace her back to the Avengers she would have a fight on her hands. Stepping into the establishment she quickly found a seat at the bar and was surprised when the bartender sided up to her quickly.

"What'll it be?"

"If you've got Old Overholt Rye, I'll take it on the rocks…if not Bean works just as well."

"Whiskey…huh, you look more like a vodka soda type."

She knew he was making the judgement based on her outfit and had to withhold her smirk of amusement. She had worn a cream turtleneck that fit her snuggly and beneath her brown trench coat. Black, high-waist skinny jeans were cinched around her slim waist and were cuffed just over her black pleather sock boots with a two-inch heel. The outfit in general wasn't one she would normally wear considering it tended to be slightly impractical, but she felt good in it and decided it was a decent sacrifice especially if it made her seem like less of a threat. It was a style choice she decided was Clint's influence with a little allure peppered in by Natasha to really sweeten the deal, she thought humorously.

Alice's groomed brow arched as she leveled him with a deadpanned look, "And you look like the type of guy that'd prefer daiquiris with the cute umbrellas."

"Point taken," He grumbled before shuffling over to the liquors and pouring her drink, "Wanna start a tab?"

"No, that's okay." She remarked as she slapped cash on the bar including a tip and pushed it closer to him and sipping at the whiskey – she knew better than to have an open tab at a place like this.

A card could give away too much information and she was trying to stay as anonymous as possible. She took in the bar, using the mirror that lined the wall in front of her to keep those at her back in view and watching discretely the comings and goings of patrons and was not blind to the looks she received from her corner of the bar. Despite the bartender's sarcastic and less-than-pleased attitude, he was rather chatty with the people sitting at the bar, including one man that had a face that looked burnt beyond all recognition. Alice didn't pay much attention to him – already knowing him to be Deadpool thanks to Colossus's description – despite the hushed whispers between him and the bartender, their eyes darting her way more than once. After a short while the bartender meandered his way back to her and her brows quirked in amusement. Flirting was clearly the way he was going to approach her odd appearance and she almost laughed.

"So…you don't look like my usuals."

"I suppose not," She remarked dryly as her eyes passed the mirror behind him, a look that did not go unnoticed to the man.

"Looks like you've done this once or twice…"

"Once or twice," She agreed, humming around another drag of her whiskey and shrugging. "Not my first rodeo around these types of places."

The bartender snorted, "Yeah, we don't get pretty women in places like this. Not enough music or whatever."

"I'm not here for music," She remarked with a smirk against the lip of her glass, "in fact, I'm looking for someone."

She ignored when he threw his head back and muttered a: Am I only good enough for information at the ceiling before returning his eyes back to her, the cool brown glinting behind the lenses of his glasses. "And who're you looking for? Justin Bieber?"

"You could say that," Alice remarked with humor and matching his exasperation with a dry lilt. "I'm looking for Wade Wilson."

"The fuck why?"

Her eyebrow arched and she smirked, reaching into her jacket and producing a card, "Here I thought you were a good sport…make sure he gets that. I'm sure he's here and there and I'm not exactly ignorant that you and he are close – maybe next time, try covering your annoyance and concern with disinterest, Weasel."

"How the fuck…?"

"Look at the card and make sure Wade gets it."

She shot the rest of her whiskey and smirked once again before tucking her hands into her jacket and beginning to meander away. She had been surveying the bar consistently since she had stepped inside and knew she wouldn't just be able to walk out the front door near as easy as it had been to walk in. Alice was proven correct when a large and lumbering man with a clean shaven face stopped her, his hand encircling her bicep and bringing her to a short stop. She raised her brows as she glanced from his hand to his face with complete disinterest.

"Hey wait just a second girlie…" He grinned at her, shuffling slightly so she could see the glint of the blade he had in his other hand and she sighed. God forbid she go anywhere and not have to fight for one reason or another. "What do you think you're doin'?"

"Losing my patience, evidently," She remarked as her other hand dropped. Of course she hadn't left Avengers Tower without arming herself at least slightly and she knew she could put him down faster than he could draw the knife he had clearly shown her as a sign of intimidation. When his brows furrowed tightly in confusion Alice sighed, "Small words for the pea-brain, got it. I'm leaving and you're going to remove your hand or you're going to lose it. Your choice."

"That won't be necessary, Georgie, now will it?"

She turned her eyes briefly to the man standing beside her and watched as he addressed the larger man preventing her from leaving and quirking a non-existent brow in question. Alice's eyes flicked back towards the other man who seemed to immediately back down now that the other man had stepped in, watching as he stepped back and away.

"Heard you were looking for me, Step Up Revolution."

Alice's lips quirked into a humorous smile before nodding politely, "You got somewhere to talk that's a bit more private?"

"You're not propositioning me?"

"Not at present…if that changes you'll be the first to know."

Wade grinned suddenly, the expression nearly stunted by his disfigured face and Alice snorted as she took in his attire of jacket and hoodie over a graphic tee dictating something decidedly lewd about Barbara Streisand and jeans with a utility boot to match. She nodded for him to lead the way and followed after him quickly as he stepped out into the crisp air that seemed to have descended upon the Bronx and promised some kind of winter mix. Alice kept close to the other mutant, her boots barely scraping the pavement beneath her as she maintained her place slightly behind him. After a few turns he stepped up to the entrance of an apartment complex. Her brow quirked in question, missing his assessing gaze and glancing at the random passerby in trepidation, suddenly wondering if this was a good place to speak given the amount of people meandering by.

"You wanted to see me…and you don't look like the creepy fuck-your-face-up kinda gal."

Alice's brow quirked once again, "I did…it's twofold actually." She turned her gaze back to meet his eyes and sighed softly, "When Black Widow dumped both S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA's secrets –"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, Salvation Army." She shot him an incredulous look at the nickname and waited for him to continue, her face expressing her impatience, "I'm not a superhero and I'm not going on some kind of quest to save the world."

"I'm not asking you to," Alice interrupted with a frown. "I'm actually requesting the opposite. When their secrets were leaked I mined my way through that data dump and found something about you."

Wade's bare brow quirked in disbelief and he laughed loudly. "Yeah, okay."

"Wade Winston Wilson, born November 22nd, 1973 to Hailey Wilson and unconfirmed father Slade Wilson – though, confirmed by the way, I checked – in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada and has a medical file that ranges depending on who you ask, though many doctors theorized that you had some sort of mental disorder…you do, but not DID or schizophrenia like they assumed, no you've got ADHD and merely enjoyed messing with them. You then somehow managed to join U.S. Army Special Forces before being dishonorably discharged for not following orders – I assume that was more to do with your moral code rather than actual insubordination since you racked up over 41 confirmed kills – and then later being recruited to CIA-sponsored Mercenary Assassins. Two years ago you were diagnosed with advance-stage cancer in your liver, lungs, prostate and brain and then you were offered a chance to be cured…given false hope by what you didn't even know was Weapon X and I assume you still don't even know that that was what they were called." She spouted off easily, having hacked into his background after hearing Colossus speak about him, trying to endear him to Wolverine while she waited for her meeting with Xavier that morning. "Now correct me if I'm wrong, which I sincerely doubt, but that's you, isn't it? Ringing any bells yet or do I have to find another half-assed recently realized immortal surly enough to make Scrappy Doo look like less of a side character?" Her eyebrow arched challengingly and he stared at her for a few moments before she continued. "Now that I have your attention, the reason I'm telling you this is because I was taken by Weapon X's Department K branch back in the 60s and had a shit ton of blood drawn because – yay me I won the genetic lottery – I'm an original carbon copy on the immortal train – Wolverine isn't even the original. Point is, they took my blood and used it on you in a fucked up version of a serum that they'd been working on with help from HYDRA. Welcome to the family."

Wade's eyes narrowed on her before roughly grabbing her arm and stalking through the apartment building, sliding out a backdoor and pushing her against a wall, using the brick to keep her there. "Who told you?"

"Told me what?" She snorted, nonplussed at the rough treatment, though she did wince slightly when the brick behind her dug into her back despite her layers, "That you were an experiment or that you were Special Forces because now I'm confused."

"Don't play stupid with me."

"Oh, so your wonderfully charming and acerbic sarcasm is only reserved to you, gotcha. Look, I don't care about that. I found you because Weapon X has been working with HYDRA the chuckleheads that were all over the news early last year? Yeah, those bag of dicks, and I'm planning on taking them out, but I can't do it alone. I've got my own score to settle with those assholes, since you were wronged by them just as much as I was, I figured I'd look you up and see if you wanted in. Again, my seeking you out was twofold. I wanted to take some form of responsibility for what they turned you into and I need help destroying them. Seemed to be a fair trade off."

"Look, I don't know who the hell you are –"

"Easy enough to clear up, I'm Alice Alexander."

The look he shot her wasn't amused, "But whatever you're selling I don't fucking want it. Fell down that acid-dream of a rabbit hole once, Wonderland, not looking to do it again."

"You're looking for a mutant known as Ajax…right?"

Wade stopped mid-turn and stared at her. The woman, while small in height compared to him, stood tall and unbothered – she hadn't brushed herself off from where he had roughly slammed her into the wall and she showed no sign of it having hurt her despite knowing that he hadn't been gentle. He took in her built and narrow figure, her eyes a cutting whiskey brown framed in darker makeup that made the optics appear to be glowing, but otherwise wore no other traceable makeup and he was reminded of Vanessa. Pain gripped his heart as he thought about his girlfriend – fiancée he corrected himself; he had proposed to her two years ago with a ring-pop after all – since he hadn't worked up the courage to even speak to her yet. With a frown he narrowed his eyes at her, the look slightly distorted on his disfigured face.

"You know Francis?"

Alice shook her head, "Know him? No, but I can help you find him."

"And in return I help you, that it?"

"That would be my deal. I'm sure you were able to work out who I am by now."

Wade's eyes narrowed further, "Yeah, who the hell calls themselves Override? Better yet, who has business cards made with their alias on them? I swear the Avengers make less and less sense the more I hear about you guys."

"I'm just someone who has enough connections that I want to stay hidden," She remarked with a smirk and ignoring the comment about the card she had slipped Weasel – the card only had a silhouette of a cat head on it and she knew it would be enough to get his attention, something she didn't bother to point out to him since she had only made it for that purpose and that purpose alone. "My work with the Avengers would certainly put a damper on the whole vigilante, antihero thing I'm going for at the moment. And I can try to keep as many of the Professor's mutants off your back while we work." When he stared at her she shrugged again, "The deal works out more in your favor than mine. I'm just looking to take out HYDRA and Weapon X all together…maybe save my special someone from them in the process, but it would also help us weed out where dickless and his merry band of chuckleheads has gone."

The other mutant considered her for a moment before giving her a sharp nod, "Alright deal. But if I don't like where this is going…"

"You're welcome to leave at any point," Alice nodded as a genuine smile tugged at her lips. "Though, I would prefer if you stuck around…it'd be nice for someone to have my back."

Wade considered her for a moment before nodding slowly, "Alright, you got a deal."

The brunette offered the man a small smirk before handing him a slip of paper, "My number is on this. Do try not to lose it and should you decide to get cheeky and sell this number out to telemarketers, just know I do hack for a living now."

"Point taken, Macklemore."

-0-

Alice made it back to Avengers Tower in less time it took her to get to the Bronx and she sighed softly as she opened her apartment door, removing her coat and hanging it on the coatrack that Steve had painstakingly made sure she and Sam used – neither anticipating the patriot to have acute OCD about certain things. She immediately leaned down on reflex as Rumsfeld trotted over for his greeting before glancing around the apartment and finding it to be mysteriously empty.

"Where are they boy?" She questioned the dog in what both men dubbed her "animal-voice" which they pointed out every time she used without thinking. The slight ribbing was normal between the three of them and did little to actually bother her. "Where did S-squared get off to?"

"Steve's downstairs training and I was in the office," Sam stated as he entered the area and offering her a quirked brow at her attire, "did you raid Nat's closet?"

"No," She smirked before giving the large dog a final pat and moving into the kitchen that was just off of the entrance and beginning to make herself a coffee from the espresso machine she had convinced Tony she absolutely needed. "You want a coffee?"

"If you're making them I'll have an Americano."

"You're such a dweeb," She snickered and earning a pout from the Pararescuer. "Anything else?"

"Nah," Sam waved her off. "Jodi was by earlier asking for you…she has questions about the software update you had Tony install into our suits."

"I think it's payback."

"Payback?"

"For asking Maria about that weird blue French horn that's in her office."

"She has a French horn in her office?"

She pressed the ground espresso into the filter and attached it back to the head and pressing the button and waiting for the hot water to push through to the small pitcher she had set beneath it to catch the coffee before answering him, "A blue one yeah. I dropped off a few things she would need about the HYDRA base in Chile that we got that tip on and noticed it hanging up on the wall. She turned six shades of red and rushed me out of the office."

"Wait...Maria Hill…the same Maria Hill that whopped my ass during training the other day?" Sam guffawed suddenly, "No…I can't. You win, you broke me."

"Well…I may have also mentioned that she had received a text message from a Ted Mosby and that was why she kicked me out."

"You think it's a boyfriend?"

"No, actually, I think it's someone who thinks he may be a boyfriend…or at least thinks coming on strong with someone like Maria is wise. Still trying to piece together why he keeps calling her Robin though…"

Sam stared at her poleaxed, "You hacked her phone?!"

"No…" She snorted before placing his drink on the counter, having added the hot water and espresso to the mix. When he shot her a deadpanned expression she shrugged, "Yes…she wouldn't answer my messages!"

"That's not an excuse!"

"Seems to be the only way to get anyone's attention around here," She muttered snarkily as she began preparing her own drink.

Sam watched her from the small breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the living room. He had learned through living with her that the mutant struggled with friendships and tended to push people away before they could get too close – something she was desperately trying to change about herself – which is why it hurt her more often than not when the team didn't seem to answer her finding that the action while Alice thought was normal, tended to come off as clingy. As he examined her, sipping at the coffee she had made him, she put the finishing touches on her own drink – an oat-milk latte as per usual (there were three different milk containers in their refrigerator considering Alice didn't like the taste of regular milk and Steve preferred whole milk to Sam's skim milk) – and turning to lean against the counter. She would normally clean up the machine before indulging her own coffee, but it seemed she was impatient and noticing her slight shiver he immediately understood before passing her the wool cardigan she normally left on the backs of the stools that lined their breakfast bar. She thanked him, tugging the warm cover over her shoulders and taking a long sip of her drink.

"Cold out there?"

"Disgusting is what it is."

Sam's brow arched, "I thought you liked the winter."

"No, I like the idea of it…log cabins, snow, Christmas lights and warm fires with hot cocoa...I much prefer late fall or early spring. Just cold enough to wear layers, but not so cold that it makes you genuinely regret getting up in the morning," She snorted, suppressing another shiver and taking another long pull of her drink. The coffee scalded her tongue before healing over almost immediately after and earning her a pinched look from the former Pararescuer.

"I don't know whether to be jealous that you can drink your coffee like that or worried that you think it's okay."

She shrugged, "It helps that I have a mutation that heals it almost instantly."

"Been working at it?"

"Not for lack of trying," She smirked, "I think Natasha's jealous that I've been training more with you, Clint and Steve. We're currently using Jarvis to track how fast I can heal after certain types of trauma."

"You're insane…both of you…it's the only reasonable explanation."

"Watch it, Wilson, she may hear you."

"Too late," Natasha snorted from the doorway as she looked in between them before helping herself to one of Alice's premade protein shakes in the fridge.

It wasn't unusual for the woman to magically appear in their apartment over the last few months and especially since coming back from her solo mission in her homeland. As soon as she had gotten back, she had grabbed both Clint and Alice and spirited them away to talk and get a haircut, her once lengthy hair tickling her chin by the time the archer had finished styling it. After that the two women and Clint had a long discussion about what had occurred and the mutant had felt it necessary to spill her remaining truths to both. Natasha reached down, patting Rumsfeld on his head as she turned, flopping onto a stool beside Sam.

"Xavier said that I may be able to expand my ability to heal instantaneously, but to do so would mean I need to be under a constant state of stress. Nat and I have been working on creating that stress in a more controlled environment."

"Meaning," Natasha stated after taking a sip of the chocolate, peanut butter and banana shake, "I get to beat the shit out of her until she's not able to heal as fast." Sam looked between the two women with brows arching towards his hairline and earning giggles from both before the former spy turned her gaze to the mutant, "How'd that go this morning by the way?"

"About as great as I expected it," She sighed. "The professor doesn't approve of much of what I do, but he knows he has absolutely no right to protest what I choose or choose not to do because: a) I'm older than him and b) not one of his students. He was annoyed when I asked him to spare Logan a few minutes with me."

"Nothing about how to develop your mutation more?"

"He seems to think that it can be developed, but wasn't really forthright with the how."

Sam frowned, "Isn't his job to help mutants?"

"Normally, yes," She nodded and tucking her cardigan closer around her form and crossing her arms to keep the garment closed around her frame – clearly still cold. "But he and I have always been at odds. He likes me more than Magneto, but that's like saying that you hate apples but you like apple juice."

"That doesn't make sense," The man sighed, running a hand over his recent shape-up, having forced Steve to go with him to the barbers after insisting that the patriot would enjoy the experience – Steve, did in fact, enjoy the experience. They all looked up when Steve entered the apartment, taking in the scene before him.

"What doesn't make sense?"

"Alice had her appointment with Professor X this morning." Natasha answered before taking another sip of the protein shake from the straw, the scene comical with the way she glanced at them all with the straw clenched between full lips – she almost looked like the cat who ate the canary and Alice didn't appreciate it and especially when Steve's head snapped in her direction as if looking for an explanation.

"Went to talk to him about my mutation and how to help it develop," She gave him the short-story before returning to what she had been saying when the patriot nodded in understanding. They had spoken about it briefly the night before while Sam had been out scouting a lead on Bucky. "And I said the same thing, Sam. Xavier and I disagree on quite a lot. He believes that all mutants should have a controlled environment to learn their mutations, which I don't necessarily disagree with, but those kids live there and while some don't have a choice I think they should be able to choose. He and I butt heads about the methods more often than I care to admit…I turned out fine, but he treats every case like it's world ending and like all telepaths he's a manipulative shit especially when he believes it'll help for the better."

"But he's better than this Magneto, right?"

Alice considered the question, knowing that while none of them could relate she could understand why they would think such. Magneto was certainly more radical than Xavier, but she didn't feel particularly strong in regards to either of their beliefs and it's what made her significantly less popular with other mutants and why she tended to avoid them. But as far as she was concerned she had outlived many of them and she didn't need other mutants' opinions to validate what or who she was.

"Magneto…is notoriously less patient than Xavier when it comes to mutant rights." She chose the words carefully and fingering her necklace as she spoke, "He thinks that mutants are human's evolution, therefore we're superior, and he's never had any problem in letting normal people get caught in the crossfire if it meant protecting a mutant. Eric and Charles are two sides of the same coin. Eric was experimented on at Auschwitz," She said by explanation to Steve who frowned openly. "When HYDRA was suddenly taken down during the war, those who were in concentration camps that exhibited strong traits especially were taken."

"How'd you know about him?"

"I treated him briefly before he ran off…only reason I knew who he was, was the tattoo on his wrist. Most Jews were given a number…not unlike mutants who were taken for experimentation."

"You sympathized with him," Steve seemed to understand, "but that doesn't excuse the actions taken afterwards."

She shrugged, hiding the wince at his words as she turned to clean up the mess she had made of the espresso machine. She heard a smack, muffled by fabric, and a muttered ouch as she ran the water through the filters. "He and I aren't so different…I just decided world domination wasn't worth putting on my list of things to do."

"I'm sorry, Al…I didn't mean it like that."

"I know…it's fine." She shrugged again before placing her cup in the sink. "Anyway, Xavier didn't give me much else other than pushing my mutation to its limit and Logan wasn't all that helpful either...more focused on arguing with Colossus. So long as I don't die again I should be able to work it like a muscle." She then sent a meaningful look to Natasha who shrugged lightly, tucking a curl behind her ear and offering the mutant a smirk. "Let's try to avoid broken bones though…I'll run a few diagnostic tests with Bruce later to see if hairline fractures will help strengthen my bones so that I'm not wobbling around like a newborn deer every time I have to refuse them."

"I'll bear that in mind," The Russian nodded. "How's everything going with the Barnes case?"

"Like shit.", "Not great." Sam and Alice chorused together earning a longsuffering look from Steve and an arched brow from the former spy. Sam took over, "We've managed to read through the file thanks to Alice's translation…but it's dark man."

"I told you both that you may not want to pull on that thread," Natasha said, though this was directed at the mutant and patriot.

"It's not just that," Steve sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, stepping around the mutant to reach the fruit bowl in the corner. "It's almost like he's completely disappeared. No instances and no traces. The last lead we got was last night and that turned out to be a dead end."

"Where?" The Russian frowned and watching as Alice took the offered half of banana that Steve held out to her, a silent apology that the mutant clearly was accepting.

"Brooklyn."

When Natasha met Alice's eyes the mutant shrugged, "Don't look at me. I already told them both that I doubt he'd stay in the US considering how thorough the CIA and FBI have been with putting him on the most wanted list. He's smarter than that."

"Have they alerted Interpol?"

"Not yet," Alice sighed and ignoring the looks from both men. "It's only a matter of time though. Last time I was on the run I went to the very places that they'd think would be the last place I'd go. Department K was in Canada and I had been picked up here in New York so they either thought I'd run to another country or go back to the Eastern half of the states. I went West because of that and wound up in San Francisco before Fury found me." She tugged her hand through her straightened hair – something that hadn't gone unnoticed to the men in the apartment, Natasha knew that it was a girl thing to get dressed up to feel better and if it worked for the mutant then she wouldn't say anything. Alice continued, oblivious to the looks being sent around the room, "The only good thing about this situation is that they don't have enough information to immediately identify him and he's stayed hidden for this long. I've been working on it, but I'm scared to run facial recognition because I haven't developed a program that I'm confident would make that exclusively accessible to us."

"Meaning that anyone would be able to find him," Steve concluded with a sigh. When Alice nodded he frowned. "How far have you managed to get with the serum?"

"Honestly? Not far," She frowned, "between my classes and Zola's notes being vague at best it's been hard to break down the serum's composition and figure out if it's exactly like yours. What I did manage to figure out though was that it's apparently the very same he was being given when he was taken with the 107th. It may be why he was able to survive the fall."

The patriot offered her a small smile, "Does this mean you need a blood sample?"

"I'd prefer to say no, but I think I'm gonna have to take you up on the offer." She frowned, "I wanted to avoid it as much as possible, but I shouldn't need much…just enough that I can run a test or two. I'd much rather not leave too much to chance while I compare the serums because I don't need that information getting out."

"Probably for the best," Steve agreed with a nod. Alice sighed softly with a tired smile directed at him.

"Other than that…I've gotten about as far as deciding that if Zola wasn't really dead and gone this time – trust me I went looking for that smug asshole on the web – I'd take more pleasure than I should killing him." She snorted derisively, "Phillips, for as great as a Colonel and leader as he was, was an idiot thinking it was smart to bring him in."

Natasha's brow arched, "Oh you managed to get that far in the S.H.I.E.L.D dump."

"No…Steve told me and I made it a priority to make sure that he didn't escape on the web when the two of you were blown up in that bunker." She deadpanned, earning snorted laughter from Sam and a muted groan from Steve. "I also managed to find that my information wasn't dumped…thank you for that, by the way."

"As I was dumping S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA's secrets I made sure to get rid of any trace of you in their records…but that doesn't mean that HYDRA didn't already get their hands on it especially if Pierce was looking into it."

"At this point, who knows…I'll see if I can trace it when I'm not otherwise occupied."

The Russian quirked a brow at the mutant's answer, but didn't comment. The Avengers all knew Alice was pursuing two different doctoral degrees at the moment and had been limited to the tower for missions – something she had insisted upon when she took up Tony's suggestion. Natasha also knew that the mutant was still dealing with her fragile mental health.

"Have you guys found any other traces?"

"No," Steve answered the Russian's question as Alice chewed on the banana she had seemingly forgotten about until that very moment.

"I don't want to rain on your parade any more than we clearly are," Sam began tentatively as his gaze bounced between the two and he could feel Natasha shifting next to him, "but have either of you considered that he doesn't want to be found?"

Alice and Steve shared a look before the patriot frowned. "I left him once even when he refused to leave me…I'd never forgive myself if I didn't go looking for him this time. I won't do it." The group's eyes turned to the mutant to see her eyes were gazing at the floor as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, her hand weaving his coin between her fingers. "Alice?"

Her eyes jerked up to meet Steve's concerned gaze from the corner of her eye before her eyes flickered to both Sam and Natasha's, "I know he doesn't want to be found…"

"Excuse me?"

"Let me finish," She snapped at the patriot before settling her glare at the counter of the breakfast bar, her hazel eyes not meeting anyone in the room. "When I found him on the banks of the Potomac with you he seemed…different…cognizant even, but not at the same time. He recognized who you were not because you were Captain America, but because you were Steve – you said so yourself that he seemed different once your mask came off. I don't know if he recalled me as clearly considering I don't look like I did in the '40s if at all, but all I know is that he was completely blank when I saw him last…he kicked me around that bank interior like I was a soccer ball and it wasn't him…maybe he does remember and feels guilty for it. Most people freak out when I brush off fatal injuries if they don't already know I can do it." She sighed, "If he's truly regaining his memories, which seems to be the case, he's going to retreat to places he can lay low and keep away from the population just enough to prevent him from relapsing back into the mind of the Winter Soldier." Her gaze finally met Sam's, "Does that sound about right or is my psychological analysis off?"

"No, it's congruent with most cases of PTSD in its early stages…" The former Pararescuer admitted with a sigh before meeting Steve's eyes. "If Alice is right then we can assume – with his training alone – that if he doesn't want to be found he won't be…not until he chooses to come out of hiding or he's forced."

"Let's just hope he chooses," Alice sighed softly, her arms circling herself tighter, "he hasn't had autonomy in a long time…he deserves that at the very least."

The group fell into silence before the mutant excused herself, muttering that she was going to her lab in an effort to run further analysis on Bucky's file, the apartment door shutting behind her and the sound of her heeled boots disappearing down the hall. Natasha was the first to break the silence as she sighed.

"We need to be careful with her still," She then narrowed her eyes at the two men, "while she's doing better, constantly challenging her opinion isn't going to help her."

Steve frowned, "I don't know what you want me to do. We're both invested in this."

"We know that, Steve. We're not saying that either of you are right or wrong."

The patriot's eyes turned to Sam who had been quiet since he had initially posed the question that had led to the tension in the room. "And what do you think?"

"Are you asking because you want to know my answer or because you want me to agree with you?"

"I just can't help but feel as if she's deliberately leaving things out."

"She's disassociating," Sam sighed as if the conversation with the patriot was taking more energy than he had at that moment. "It's how she handles her feelings and keeps them from affecting her thought process. She's trying to look at things clinically because it's the only way she can deal with everything going on. You should know that considering how long you've known her and how close you two are."

"Steve," Natasha began softly, "we aren't telling you these things to hurt you, but so that you understand that it may not be the way you deal with these things…Alice is still dealing with what happened to her. For all intents and purposes, Barnes killed Alice. I warned you back in May that this is going to be a process."

"You saw the fight?"

"It wasn't a fight, Steve…it was a lamb sent into the slaughter."

Sam shifted in his seat, "Dude, you saw the way her face looked like on that monitor when she got in touch with us at the Triskelion. She was beaten to death and we both know it."

As Steve went to leave the apartment – assumedly to apologize to the mutant – Natasha stopped him, her hand encircling his arm and she shook her head, "For now, just leave it…she'll come to you when she's ready. Just…take it easy with her."

The patriot only sighed in defeat before nodding slowly and muttering an excuse to leave as well before disappearing down the hallway to his own room. Natasha shared a look with Sam who raised his hands in a clear sign of surrender and taking a pull of his coffee and sighing, "Which one you wanna tackle?"

"Dealer's choice."

Sam only snorted in amusement before sighing softly, "You take Cap…I'll get Alice."

"You sure?" Natasha's brow arched, "I thought you would've jumped on the opportunity to try and get through to Steve…he tends to be the easier one."

"True, but I think he needs your brand of tough love."

"Just be careful, Wilson. She isn't the only one hurting here."

"Right," Sam nodded as he stepped into the kitchen to rinse out his mug. "I can see how the two of them had a falling out in 1945. They're both stubborn idiots."

The Russian chuckled, "Our idiots."

"And they wouldn't know how to actually talk about their problems if it bit them in the ass."

"True," Natasha chuckled, "Good luck."

"You too."

-0-

Alice pulled her hair back into a low bun as she stepped into her lab, the furrow to her brow only accentuating the scowl on her lips. Her mind kept circulating the discussion that had occurred in her shared apartment with the boys and she couldn't help but sigh. She and Steve had always had a hard time navigating their feelings for Bucky and she blamed that particularly on their complete reliance on the dark haired soldier to balance them. It had never been fair to the sharpshooter, but somehow she and the patriot seemed incapable of having a decent conversation when it came to him. Maybe it was because they were so similar and they both tended to have a temper, but she couldn't help hers at the moment.

Yes, she had agreed to Tony's recommendation at the doctoral programs, hoping that if she kept her mind occupied with something other than their missing person's case, that maybe she could force herself to heal like she always seemed to. But all it served to do was give her an excuse to forego sleep. Alice already had a hard enough time sleeping before the events in Washington back in May; but now her mind was plagued with memories and horrible scenarios bred from the small amount of time Pierce had her detained. She knew there were greater demons than him out there, and she was eager to take them out. She hadn't been completely honest with the Avengers and by extension Sam, Maria and Jodi when she had said she had been monitoring HYDRA. She kept just enough focus on the bases that were making the biggest waves for her to pick up on, but she had been compiling a list of names and other more secretive units to hit with Deadpool.

Her main concern was Bucky, of course, but she wanted to know exactly why Weapon X was showing up along with HYDRA files. It was obvious that they were bridging and were serving each other, but the why was what was escaping her and she didn't like unknown variables. As her phone vibrated in her pocket she frowned, retrieving the device and quirking a brow at the message that greeted her:

Unknown: Just so you know I demand compensation for our agreement…chimichangas while hilarious to say are not a proper form of payment. Pancakes or tacos are acceptable ;)

Alice immediately knew who the message was from and smirked as she wrote a quick message in return.

Alice: I believe that can be arranged…
Alice: We can pick some up while in Mexico. This weekend work for you?
Wade: I'll meet you at the bar. It's a date Macklemore

She ignored the series of emojis that he had used and rolled her eyes before saving his number and tucking her phone back into her pocket before tapping the table top of her lab and bringing up the schematics she had been steadily working on in an effort to find Bucky. Facial recognition wasn't a new concept, however, many governments and companies used it and that of course included agencies such as the FBI, CIA and other law enforcement and she didn't want to run the risk of those agencies finding him before she, Steve and Sam had the opportunity to. She wanted to ensure that if she was to run a program that used facial recognition software it would be secure and of her own making.

"Hey Jarvis, could you turn on some music for me please?" She questioned into the open air as she began playing around with the schematic.

"Any particular music choice you'd prefer today Miss Alexander?"

Alice pursed her lips for a moment before shrugging, "How many times do I have to ask you not to call me Miss Alexander? Just Alice will do..." She allowed herself a small laugh, knowing that no matter how many times she asked the AI to change her name he would continue to call her Miss. "Anyway, I know I'll get some shit for it, but some hard rock would be incredible right about now."

"Of course," The AI agreed before the music began to play lightly in the background.

Jarvis had learned her preferences rather quickly and unless she asked for a difference in the music settings such as volume or genre he preset them to be merely a soft hum as to not be too distracting. Alice preferred to hear if someone was coming into the lab, but today was not one of those days. She wanted everyone to know that she wasn't in the mood to talk as soon as they stepped off the elevator.

"Thanks Jarvis…also, do you mind raising the volume to eighty-five percent?"

"Are you certain?"

"It's just been one of those days."

"Of course," The AI seemed to understand and, just before raising the volume to what she barely recognized as one of Breaking Benjamin's earlier hits and one that she had heard a few times over the years on the radio, his measured voice spoke once more. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No that's okay. Thanks again, Jarvis, I appreciate it."

"Please let me know if I can assist you with anything further.

"I certainly will."

The music thrummed against the walls of the lab and if the room had been constructed by anyone else, Alice would have been worried that the bass alone would crack the glass walls. Tony was a music lover, however, and had built the labs with acoustics in mind since he enjoyed blasting Black Sabbath at all hours of the day and long into the night. The labs were also meant to muffle the sounds of explosions in the event Tony was testing out a new piece of equipment for his or the team's suits or just another pet project that went awry. She sighed softly, adjusting the heat in the room manually and pulling the dolphin grey cardigan off of her shoulders, tossing the garment onto her work table and pushing her sleeves up so she could work unhindered.

Bringing up Bucky's file was almost a habit at this point and she began working her way from the beginning once more. Alice could, if asked, perhaps recite the beginning portion of his file from memory alone, but she couldn't help it. It was slowly tearing her apart from the inside to read how he had literally been torn apart and put back together again and again, but the part of her that was dedicated to science and medicine needed to fully understand the mechanics. Her hands stilled as his military picture settled onto the screen, her teeth catching her bottom lip and worrying the flesh there before she sighed, flopping into the cushioned stool (normally used in doctor's examination rooms and one she had stolen from Bruce's lab when he had briefly returned to India to care for the less fortunate as he had done back in 2012 – he tended to return to the country once a year as if it were a personal mission and no one questioned him) and resting her elbows against the table top.

With effort she removed the necklace from her neck, her fingers tracing the dime as she had done hundreds of times before, her eyes tracing the almost too smooth edges of the braided metal from her constant toying. She pinched the token between her fingers and studied the helmed figure and the word Liberty haloed just above the depicted woman's head. The top of the coin had a small, man-made hole cut into it and she vaguely wondered how long it took Bucky to push a hole through the top so he could sneak the other piece of metal through to hold the coin along the chain.

It was in this position that Sam found her, slouched over the computerized lab table, spine bowed and supported by her elbows and playing with the charm of her necklace almost reverently. Her feet were crossed at her ankles, her legs spread to perhaps balance her weight better on the stool. His eyes traced her face and the somber expression that seemed to echo in her posture before his eyes flickered to the hologram sitting in front of her. She had clearly been running the file once again, but the image of the handsome soldier sat before her.

Sam hadn't truly understood where Steve and Alice were coming from initially, concerned that they were chasing a ghost of a man that would ultimately bring them to ruin. He was a mental health and PTSD counselor before anything else and he had his time to mourn Riley and grow from it. Steve, because of being frozen for so long, was actually younger than him and even still it was like seeing a recruit just coming home from war. The Pararescuer understood those feelings more than he ever cared to admit.

After Riley's death, Sam had been a mess. He had found himself at the bottom of more than one bottle and the only person he had come to rely on was his sister, Monica, but she had still been in school – his parents long gone. He hadn't really had anyone to help him through perhaps the hardest time in his life, but it had taken a very stubborn Navy Veteran of the Vietnam War by the name of Victor Sullivan – Sully he preferred to be called – that he had run into one morning getting coffee to get him to the VA for counseling. Sam still kept in contact with the older man whenever he could, the old man becoming a father figure to him during that very dark time. With the old man's help he had decided to go back to school with the use of his G.I. bill and use his degree to help others. He saw much of that horror echoed in both Steve and Alice.

But Alice was different to Steve's circumstances. The mutant had been veteran to many wars and understood her mental health much more than Steve understood his own. She, unlike Steve, had time to reconcile life without Bucky and his absence, his death. For Steve, it was still very fresh, merely a few years compared to the seventy years Alice had had to endure the knowledge of her lover's death. But there were other things that mounted to the mutant's current mental state and not all of them had to do with the handsome soldier or the patriot.

Alice had, at a time she was perhaps still mourning and still working through PTSD, been forcefully taken and experimented on. He wasn't ignorant of this as the mutant had mentioned it in passing, but never in detail. There were times he would come into the room and rummage through his own things and she would jump sky high before settling herself and muttering an apology or where he would accidently brush her without her actively being aware of her surroundings and she would skitter away like a startled cat. She had done this with Steve as well, and Sam had a pretty decent idea of what other things they had put her through during her twenty years of captivity. The worst of her fears took the form of needles, however, something that the former Pararescuer had been surprised at considering she was a nurse. He had discovered this fear one afternoon while she had been speaking to Bruce in his lab after agreeing to a blood draw – as she had recently been curious as to what her own blood could tell her about her mutation – and she had nearly had a panic attack just looking at the needles. Bruce had been understanding and had distracted her well enough to get at least a vial. When Sam had asked her about it she had admitted that the reason had been something Alexander Pierce had revealed to her and she wanted to see if there was any merit to his claims. She hadn't explained further and he knew not to push her too much on the subject.

Shaking his head he knocked on the table she was leaning on aware that she probably couldn't hear him over the music blasting through the lab. As predicted, she jumped.

"Jarvis, could you bring the music down?"

"Certainly."

The AI's voice sounded half sarcastic before the music lowered to a reasonable level and she turned her eyes to Sam, the cinnamon colored optics quickly flickering away and back to the coin in her hands.

"Never thought you'd be the post-grunge, hard rock kinda girl…"

"It depends on my mood," She shrugged, her voice barely a whisper as she answered him. "What do you want Sam?"

His brow arched, "I just came down to see if you're alright…no ulterior motive, I promise."

"Yeah…" She murmured, her eyes briefly flickering to the face of her soldier staring back at her. Smooth lines, full lips quirked into a natural smile despite the staged photo, gun-metal blue eyes arched and carefree, dark hair neatly combed underneath the cap of his Class A uniform and his rank pins gleaming against his collar. Her eyes fell back to the charm between her fingers, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"It's okay not to be okay, you know," Sam sighed before dragging over another stool and gently laying his hand over hers. "I know how hard this is for you to go through…I'd give anything for Riley to be still alive somewhere…and I know that the two of you would be talking my ass back from the ledge if the shoe was on the other foot."

Alice watched the way his thumb traced an arc back and forth against the back of her hand, "I know he's out there Sam, but I don't think actively looking for him is going to find him and I won't use the software until I can guarantee that it won't help law enforcement or whatever is left of HYDRA find him. If he was recaptured I'd never be able to forgive myself."

"No one is asking that of you –"

"Steve is." She frowned, "Bucky isn't the same man he was in the 40s…I know that in my heart that he's not the same…because I wasn't the same after twenty years…I'm not the same now."

Sam watched the emotions run unbidden across her pretty features and none of them were positive. "Steve is just trying to deal with the situation as best as he can..."

"Steve is latching onto the first thing that reminds him of the life he once had," Alice bit out waspishly. "It's frustrating because I want to find Bucky just as badly as he does, but what I want and what Steve wants doesn't matter…Did you get to the part in the file that shows just how long it took for the brainwashing to finally set in?" Sam watched as anger replaced the sorrow that had wrapped her in its cold arms, "Twenty years…he fought back for twenty years and what did I do during that time? The war was over, I could have easily gone back and try and find him…maybe I would've found him before they managed to operate on him seven times before his body took to the prosthetic, stopped them from injecting him continuously with a serum that could kill him and, I don't know, wasn't guaranteed to work…maybe I could have done something – anything – to prevent HYDRA from ruining his life. I had eighteen years to do something and what did I do?" She snorted at herself, "I wallowed in my own self-pity and studied the artifact that annihilated my friends, brothers and sisters in arms and let myself get caught and in doing so they made my blood a serum for Weapon X." Sam said nothing as she continued to verbally lash herself, her diatribe far from over, "every time I close my eyes I'm back in that lab being peeled away bit by bit and being told that it's for the greater good and that I'm going to pave the way to the future of humanity. Every time I close my eyes I see Bucky remembering us and being punished for it…I see him strapped to that fucking chair as they wipe his memories with a machine meant to send electricity though the nervous system to rewrite the neuropathways they wrote and then I see him as the Winter Soldier – cold, calculating, blank, used." She hiccupped on a sob, "And then I remember the look on the Strike teams' faces – on Pierce's face – as I died over and over and over again and suddenly I was back in Department K being torn apart again and again…I'm tired, Sam, so, so tired and I'm angrier than I ever have been and I don't know the first way to manage it!"

The broken posture and steadily heaving breaths was all the encouragement that the former Pararescuer needed as he pulled her into his arms and allowed her to release the pent up emotions she had been hiding away behind her collected exterior. Initially she fought him, as if trying to create space between them before she slumped against him, boneless. After a few moments he sighed softly, running his hand along her back in comfort. He realized quickly that her tears weren't from sadness, but from her being frustrated and not knowing how to convey the emotion while trying to manage the word vomit that seemed to have been completely unplanned. Sam understood where she was coming from in that regard as he was an angry crier himself and he understood why this situation hit her so close to the chest and it wasn't just because this was someone she loved, it was because she lived through it. She had firsthand experience.

The two of them sat in the lab for some time, Jarvis seeming to have turned off the music she had been listening to before and the Pararescuer thanked the AI silently. Alice had quickly removed herself after a few moments, wiping her eyes and silently moving away from him – her fingers removing Bucky's image from the main portion of the screen and instead trying to break down the elements that were used in the serum that Zola had documented in the file. Sam took her copy of the file and began working through the beginning parts of the file as well, jotting notes in an unused notebook off to the side.

"Thanks…"

Sam looked up to see that Alice's features had smoothed over for the most part with the exception of the slight furrow to her brow and the flushed nose and red-rimmed eyes to show that she had been crying. He offered her a small quirk of his lips in reply, "Sure thing…"

"It's just…I'm angry at myself more than anything."

"Why's that?"

Alice sighed, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her pierced ears, "Because maybe if I had been more forceful that day on the Potomac, maybe it'd have fixed whatever issues Steve and I have with one another."

"What do you mean?"

"I let him go," she answered in a whisper. "He asked me if I would let him go and I did…his only other want was that I take care of Steve before he disappeared."

The man shook his head. While he hadn't known about their interaction with one another he couldn't hold it against her. She had given the soldier a choice – the first choice he had been offered since being brainwashed and Sam realized that Alice was much kinder than anyone gave her credit for. She understood that her actions would lead Steve to become upset with her if he were to ever find out, but she knew she couldn't make that choice for someone else – let alone someone who perhaps wasn't sure what he wanted more than she could tell him. He found himself admiring the woman before him as if seeing her for the first time, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"How could I? It wasn't my choice to make, Sam. I've been in his position before, the only difference was that I couldn't forget and so I had all of my memories…People are going to call him a monster, I'm not oblivious to that and if Steve had it his way he would try and integrate Bucky into the Avengers' fold whether he wanted to or not. Bucky never wanted to fight, never wanted to kill and I guarantee that remains even behind all of that brainwashing. I know a little bit about being a monster."

"You're not a monster, Alice."

Her brow arched nearly meeting her hairline in incredulity as she took in his stern tone, as if he was certain that what he was saying was true. "Are you so sure? In 1778, after being raped and brutalized I slaughtered every last soldier who played a part in my murder. In 1986, after my cell failed to lock, I hunted every single person who worked in the facility I was kept and murdered them…didn't matter to me if they knew what was truly happening or not – whether they played a knowing part in my torture. I didn't care. The difference between me and Bucky, Sam, is that he didn't have a choice in the matter…I did and I chose death and destruction as if I was judge, jury and executioner every time." She watched as his face hardened as he tried to make play at stoicism in order to hide his reaction, but the tightness to his features proved that he hadn't known about the decisions she had made that resorted in her hands being buried in blood. "If he's a monster…then I'm an abomination and that's not me being self-deprecating. That's merely the truth of the matter, whether anyone around here chooses to acknowledge it or not – which in most cases they like to forget because it's easier." After a brief silence, she shrugged, "Regardless, maybe if I had been more firm in my stance at the time he'd have come around sooner."

Sam was quiet for a long while after her admission, considering what she told him. He had seen how she fought when she had daringly tackled the Winter Soldier away from Natasha in an effort to give the woman time to evacuate people and form a plan and he knew she wasn't green when it came to combat. She knew how to ebb and flow in a fight even if she still needed to be fine-tuned, but after knowing her for nearly a year he couldn't picture the woman she was claiming to be. Shaking his head he decided to let the topic drop in favor of picking up the small olive branch she had extended to him in the form of their previous topic.

"That wouldn't have changed anything…in fact, it probably would've made it worse."

"Why's that?"

"Because then you two would be at each other's throats about how to help him." She knew he was right and met his eyes across the lab, when they made eye contact he continued, "You and Steve handle things differently. Steve is all about running head first into a problem or burying it until he can't control it anymore and you withdraw so you can look at it from a different perspective. You're a medical professional…officially will be too when you finish your degree – so you tend to look at things from that standpoint and try to take your personal feelings out of the equation completely." He placed his notebook off to the side, "You two both have the same goals, just different ways of showcasing them. You both need to start talking about the things that bother you when it comes to Barnes and setting a game plan so that if and when he shows up you'll be able to make the transition for him as seamless as possible. Added stress between the two of you isn't going to help him heal."

Alice considered the man for a moment before nodding slowly to show she understood before taking a deep breath, "Will you tell me…about Riley?"

Sam offered her a gentle smile, "Sure…but maybe not tonight. You've got an exam tomorrow right?"

"Shit!"

Sam laughed as Alice shut everything down in the lab before he stood, tucking his bench underneath another work table and grabbing his notebook and Alice's cardigan before walking with her back towards the elevator. They hadn't spoken much about what had happened with her outburst, but perhaps – with time – Sam could get the mutant to understand that there were people around her who genuinely care about her and would never judge her for who she's become.

---

End Note: Wow...that whole ending part was not meant to happen but as I got into the chapter I felt it important to show how small comments truly impact on Alice in her current state of mind. There is a slight mania to her here also a very volatile nature that was hinted at but never truly seen. Also, I don't necessarily want people to think Sam is only around to act as a therapist. He is a therapist, however, that's not who he is as a person, but I do picture him as being empathetic.

There's a whole hella've a lot to unpack here, but Alice as a character is someone who bottles a lot of her problems. There are some things she will communicate, however, she's not someone who easily shares her deepest problems and here we see that she's overwhelmed and so word-vomit. Keep in mind that she's still technically a woman from the 1700s when it wasn't acceptable to speak true emotions/feelings/fears with another person. In colonial America it was expected of women to be seen and not heard, to be a caregiver, etc.

I wanted to show how really torn apart Alice is in this situation and what the weight of her frustrations are doing to her. Let me just disclaim here and say that Steve is not aware of what his words do to others all of the time. After rewatching the MCU multiple times and seeing what he says in certain situations it's clear that while he thinks he's delivering his words kindly or in a way that shows how honest he is, he's brutally honest and isn't always aware of how he says things. Case and point being during Civil War at the beginning of the Airport battle: "I'm trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart!", "You did that when you signed." THIS LINE MADE ME RAGE IN THE THEATER and still makes me rage years later. This entire movie could have been handled differently if Tony was emotionally intelligent and Steve was a little more diplomatic about how he delivered his ideas/thoughts/words. I know I paint Steve to be an asshole at times, but I promise it's necessary development both between the two of them growing together as well as how I picture them both developing individually...just wanted to make all that clear, lol!

Also, fun to note! It took me FOREVER to research Wade mother-fluffing Wilson. His backstory is crazy and while in the comics he does have schizophrenia at least to some degree, I'm not confident enough to write it and I'm working off of the cannon that Ryan Reynolds set in the movie. Also, did you know Deadpool does NOT, in fact, like chimichangas? He prefers tacos or pancakes, but always says chimichanga because he thinks the word is hilarious!

As always, if you haven't already I cannot plug simmerandcry's story which includes a ploy-romance between her OC, Avery, and our two favorite WWII veterans. She's weaving an incredible story and you'd be missing out if you didn't already go read it!

Anyway, thanks so much for all the love and support and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! This mayyyy be the last installment for a while just as I'm taking a mental health break as well as time to get myself back together as my sister and I are currently in the process of looking for another apartment! But I PROMISE I will be back! I love you all and I will see you in the next one!

All of the love,

Eirlys xoxo