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Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Anything I didn't borrow from her belongs to me.
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Chapter Eighteen
Rooftop
Edward POVI led Bella into the stairwell and started walking up. She shot me yet another confused glance and followed.
"What's in the bag?"
"Dinner," I said simply, and she looked even more perplexed.
We were on the top floor of the hotel, so we only had a short way to climb. I opened the door to the roof and held out my hand to motion her through.
She gasped, and I was instantly rewarded for taking a chance on the setting for our date. I had tipped the maintenance guy to bring up a table and chairs for us, and Bella headed over to them while still admiring the view.
The sun was just about to set, and it cast a beautiful golden glow over everything. This hotel was on one of the surrounding hills and looked down upon the city to provide a spectacular view. At night you could see the stars and the water. It was one of my favorite places to stay, and Esme always made sure to book us here when possible.
It was warm, but the slight breeze made the temperature perfect. I looked over at Bella and watched as the wind played with the soft curls in her hair. Although I would have been pleased if she was comfortable enough to wear sweats, I certainly wasn't complaining about the low cut top. The deep green was beautiful on her, and the jeans had rips and tears, giving teasing glances of her legs.
We sat in silence for a while, admiring the view. As the sun set, she smiled over at me. "Hungry?" I asked, and I started unpacking the bag.
"Thai?" she laughed.
"Well, I told you I had to break into the eastern world of takeout now, didn't I?" I said seriously as I handed her a fork and some Pad Thai. I took some Spicy Beef and sticky rice for myself.
"It's true you did mention that." She hesitated for a moment and looked up at me. "This um… isn't what I expected when you said that we were going out on a date."
"Honestly, Bella, I don't like dates. They're full of rules and expectations. I'd much rather just spend some time with someone and talk. You struck me as a like-minded person."
"No, definitely! I mean, I love this. It's so quiet. Most guys don't seem to get that just because a restaurant is expensive. It doesn't automatically mean it's impressive. I've never seen a restaurant with a view like this, for example," she said, gesturing to the cityscape.
"Exactly, give me this over a stuffy restaurant any day." I smiled and dug into my food.
We ate and exchanged small talk. Finally, the topic turned to the day's events.
"Do you know what Jasper did to Alice today?" she asked, and I laughed.
"Yeah, I knew what he had planned, but honestly, those boots? She kinda deserved it."
"Definitely. I think it's great that she's finally met her match. Usually, guys think Alice is some kind of breakable doll or fairy or some crap like that. When they find out she can hold her own and doesn't need to be handled with kid gloves, it scares them off. Jasper seems different, I like it."
"Did she tell you about their sparring?" I laughed, remembering Jasper's version of it.
"Of course, we tell each other pretty much everything after all. She'll get him back for that. I wouldn't put it past her to get up to his level solely to kick his ass." She laughed again, and I basked in the sound. I loved it when she lit up like that. It was like she didn't have a care in the world. It didn't happen nearly often enough, and I was going to change that if it killed me.
"What's she planning at the pool?"
"You picked up on that, huh?" she shrugged. "I don't think she's planning anything. It's more what she's wearing. This is Alice, she can weaponize a swimsuit."
"Jasper is going to lose his shit." I laughed.
"Nah, I bet that he does something that she doesn't expect. I think he's onto her and her little game," she said wisely, and she was probably right. Bella was very insightful.
We spent more time eating and reliving high points of the tour as well as the antics of the crew. "Would you like some more?" I asked, holding out some Jasmine Rice.
"God no, I think if I ate another bite, I'd explode. I doubt the hotel would appreciate that."
"No, probably not. There's a beautiful park across the street, would you like to go for a walk, burn a bit of it off?"
"That sounds fantastic."
Bella helped me clear up the remains of our dinner, and we headed back down to the elevator, stopping to drop the bag off in my room. I grabbed a jacket in case the evening cooled down, and we were off to the park.
I chose one of the longer paths that cut through the most scenic areas. We walked in silence for the most part, and I took her hand. Even with the progress, she'd made recently, I was hesitant about pushing her too far. At the same time, I was determined to let her know that nothing could diminish her in my eyes.
"Bella, I hope you had a good evening, I don't want to darken it at all, but I'd like to talk to you about something if it's alright." I was pretty sure she would know what I was referring to. Her hand tensed up, and I sighed.
"I know you said that you're putting James behind you, but I know you well enough to know that you're still worried about what he said. It must be difficult, but I wish you wouldn't be so concerned."
She was silent. I tried to wait for a response, but none was forthcoming.
"Can we at least talk about it? I want to know what you're thinking. I want to help if I can, Bella. Not all guys are like him, you know."
She looked up at me, horrified. "Edward, I never thought…you are absolutely nothing like him. You couldn't be…I never thought that you were, not for a second."
"You're so hesitant to talk to me. We laugh, and we joke around a lot, but whenever things get serious, you get so distant. I can't honestly promise you that I'll never hurt you. I'm only human, after all. But I can promise that I'd never hurt you intentionally and I'd never, never, do anything like he did to you. He wasn't a husband, Bella. He was a jailor. He didn't deserve you." I hadn't wanted to get this serious with her, but I couldn't help it. I needed her to know how I felt.
She looked down at her feet, and I fought not to pull her face up, to make her look at me, to banish this shame she seemed to have regarding him. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore.
"Look at me," I said as I gently put a finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to meet mine. "Whatever you're thinking, you can tell me. Let me in, Bella."
Tears were visible in her eyes, but she was obviously struggling to keep them from falling.
"Edward, believe me, I spend a lot of time in my head, and you don't want in." She tried to sound humorous, laughing lightly, but the sound was hollow and sad.
"You're trying to shut me out, and it hurts. You haven't been yourself for a while. I think we have something here, I like you—a lot. I want to help get rid of that sadness in your eyes. I have no doubt that what happened with James was more horrible than I understand. I've seen you with him, and that's not who you are, that's who he made you become to protect yourself."
"That's where you're wrong, Edward, this is me. The happy, easy-going Bella you got to know, she's the fraud. I am dark and twisted and screwed up, and no man in his right mind would want anything to do with me." Her words were coming faster now. It was like one of the many barriers that were always there was breaking. "I have issues. I don't know anymore if those issues are what happened with James or the fact that I was stupid enough to let him do it.
"Some people have baggage, Edward. I have a whole freaking designer luggage department. You deserve better than me, and I feel guilty for wanting you when I have no right to." The tears that had been building up finally started to fall. She took her hand from mine and started pacing with her agitation.
Once again, I felt a desire to hurt James for mistreating this kind, loving woman so much. I took a deep breath and calmed myself before catching her and pulling her to me to stop her pacing. I pressed her against my chest and rested my mouth very close to her ear. Barely above a whisper, I told her what I'd wanted to say for a long time now. Whether it scared her off or not, she needed to hear it.
"Bella, you are an amazing person. I get up in the morning thinking about you, and you are the last thought I have before I close my eyes at night. You are amazing, not only because of the things in your past but because they haven't changed who you are. You went through all that crap with a selfish, soulless prick, and you were hurt. You may be gun shy, but you stand before me as selfless and caring as ever."
I felt her try to pull away, but it was a half-hearted attempt, so I held her tight and continued. "All the things you've been through, and you're not worried about being hurt again. You're not afraid that I'll lock you away from the world and try to keep you all for myself. You're worried that I can do better than you, that I'd be losing out on something for you! Don't you see Bella? That's one of the reasons why I know I could never find a more perfect person.
Someday, I'll convince you that you deserve to be happy and that you really are everything I keep saying, but for now, you just need to know that you are worth it, Bella. The person I got to know wasn't a fraud, she's a part of you as much as the dark parts that you hide. I want to know them both. I want to know all of you. I want to be with you. If you have to convince yourself that I'm not in my right mind for that to happen, then I'm okay with that. For now. What I have in my arms right now feels like heaven, and all the expensive Italian leather bags in the world couldn't keep me from it."
I held her and let her cry silently into my chest. I stroked her hair and gave her time to absorb what I was saying. Eventually, I pulled her face up toward me and wiped away her tears. "Can you believe that?"
"I can try," she whispered.
"Good, that's a start." She was shivering now, so I wrapped my jacket around her. The breeze twisted around us, blowing the strawberry scent of her hair to me. I watched as the wind pick up a strand and tossed it into her face. I pushed it behind her ear gently and ran my thumb lightly along her bottom lip.
"Will you tell me what you're thinking?" I asked softly.
She chuckled, "well, I was thinking that I'm a lucky woman to have found a man like you."
"The feeling on that is mutual," I said with a smile in my voice.
"And I was thinking that I'm glad you brought a jacket." She snuggled into it a little more. Then she stepped closer to me and put her arms around my waist.
"Mostly, I was thinking how great it would be if you would kiss me."
"Strangely, I had that exact same thought," I said with a wide smile. I lowered my lips to softly brush hers. There was no frenzied lust in this kiss, it was tender and honest. I kissed her softly, again and again, just enjoying the feel of her perfect lips against mine. I raised a hand to her cheek, needing to touch more of her. She brought her arms around my neck and brushed her tongue along my lip. I pulled at her lower lip in return, sucking on it gently before I met her tongue.
My hand moved from her face to wind in her soft hair as our kiss deepened. I felt her body surrender to me a little more, and she pulled me closer. Our kiss became passionate, building an intensity that traveled throughout my body. I felt her moan softly into my mouth, and her hands lowered to my waist before snaking around to travel up my chest. I pulled back to allow her a breath, kissing a path to the hollow under her ear. When she moaned softly, I moved down her neck to her collarbone. She moved her hands and placed them firmly on my ass, pressing for more contact between us.
I groaned and moved back to her mouth, kissing her roughly this time. She met my every move until we were kissing with abandon like we had in the hotel the night she was drunk. I felt her hands leave my ass and wander to my crotch, where she almost hesitantly ran a hand over the hard bulge straining against my pants.
I pulled back and searched her face. She looked torn. Part of her was definitely as worked up as I was, but there was still part of her that was hesitant. I was greedy. When we finally slept together, I wanted it to be perfect, and I wanted all of her.
"Not tonight," I said as I kissed her softly on the lips.
"But—"
I cut her off. "No, Bella. Not because of him and not to spite him. When we do this, it's going to be because every part of your mind and body can't stand another second without my hands all over you. I will make love to you and make you feel amazing, but not until you're completely ready. I don't want to do this because you think you should be ready, or it's something that you should be doing. Not until you're ready," I said with finality.
She sighed and looked down. "Before you get any twisted ideas, love, this is not because I don't want you. You know how much I do," I kissed her again and pressed the insistent reminder of my desire into her a little more firmly.
Once we finished our kiss, she nodded, and we turned to head back to the hotel.
"You're right," she said as she ducked under my arm. "But I want one heck of a goodnight kiss on my doorstep, mister."
I laughed loudly. "I think I can provide that."
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