"There's three groups scheduled for a tour today, why do I get the kids?" I ask miserably. Now, it may seem a little dramatic but trust me, I'm not.
"Because a school is coming and we need a tour guide for them. You arrived last, you get the kids." The receptionist opens a drawer and takes out a small box with a paper attached to it. "Here are the badges and the list of students coming. On the bright side, it's only the Academic Decathlon team, so that's less kids for you to worry about."
I sigh and take the box from the receptionist's outstretched hands, already suffering for the day ahead.
Ignoring my feelings, I head over to the pre-agreed meeting point and wait for only a couple of minutes until a small group approaches me. There are nine kids and one teacher, which relaxes me a bit. But they are still kids, I don't understand why they would even be allowed to tour Stark Industries.
"Are you Andy Jackson?" The teacher asks and I nod. "Roger Harrington, it's a pleasure." He sticks out his hand and I shake it, trying not to show my misery so much.
Okay maybe I wasn't trying so hard.
Anyway, Harrington then turns around and faces his students, "I remind you to behave accordingly, as you are here to represent the school in front of a very important and prestigious company with great job opportunities once you're in collage." As he says that last part, he gives a side-glance to one of the kids, who stands out for looking unusually nervous in between all his awe-struck teammates.
While Mr. Harrington continues giving the typical lecture, the boy from before walks away from his group and towards me.
"Hey," I say.
"Hi," he greets back and fiddles with his backpack's strings, "I have a question... What do these scanners show?" The question strikes me as weird, but I ignore it and reply either way.
"Name, clearance and whether or not you have dangerous stuff with you." At this, the boy gets even more nervous, but he thanks me before going back to the group. I stare at him in suspicion, trying to figure out what he's hiding, because it's undoubtable that he is, in fact, hiding something. My first thought is that he has a weapon in him, so I decide to keep an eye on him until we go through security.
The teacher finally finishes his seemingly endless speech and directs the nine kids to me.
"I'm Andy Jackson and I'll be your guide for today's tour through the headquarter of Stark Industries. I'll ask you to please stay with the group at all times and ask for permission before touching anything," I say. "Now I'll do rollcall and hand out badges that will allow you to enter the tower. Any questions before we start?" Two people put up their hands and I call on a girl with brunette hair at the back.
"What will we get to see?" It's obvious she wants me to say we'll see the Avengers, but we will not. They may live here at the tower, but the living quarters are at the very top and separated from the business part.
"We will mainly be touring conference rooms and labs." She seems disappointed, which proves my guesses right. I have to suppress the need to roll my eyes; she's touring SI for school, there's literally not a single reason to meet the Avengers.
I go back to answering questions, and this time I call a boy with oval blue glasses.
"How exactly do the badges work?"
I take out a badge to show them the layout. "As you can see, they are pretty simple. They only contain a person's name printed to identify them and a QR code. Each code is unique and is scanned by those machines over there." I signal the scanners we will head over soon. "They're made this way to avoid reprinting badges each time a worker gets promoted to a higher level. As you may know already, SI focuses on helping the Earth, not only the people, and one way of doing it is by reducing the amount of residues we produce. Because of this, we only reprint badges if a person changes their name.
"You have tour badges, so they have a sticker with you name and temporary information in the QR code. As soon as the badge is scanned at the end of the tour, your information is erased and then later replaced with its next occupant's," I explain by heart. Another hand gets raised, this time by a dark-skinned boy. I nod his way, encouraging to ask away.
"So, with the badges you will give us we can go anywhere in the entire tower?"
"Nope." His face drops. "There are eight different levels of badges that give you clearance to enter different parts of the tower. Clearance eight, the lowest, is the one you have. These badges have a deadline, are reusable and are only meant for visitors like you. A particular feature about them is that you have access to all the places we will see in the tour, including some floors with important labs, but only if the tour guide scans their badge before you.
"Clearance seven is meant for the press, so they can access the conference rooms and the museums that are open for everyone with access to the tower.
"Now, clearance six is meant for people from other enterprises that have partnerships with SI, so they can access conference rooms.
"Interns have clearance level five. They are supervised by low level workers, who have clearance four. Other regular workers have clearance three.
"Then there's the head scientists, security and medical personnel, who have badges level two, which, unlike the others, allows them to access any floor of the tower except the top ten. The doctors and guards only get partial access to those ten floors when they are needed, because otherwise it could cause a serious security breach.
"As you are probably guessing, in between floor ninety and one hundred are the Avengers living quarters, along with their personalized training rooms and other stuff we're not allowed to know. This level has two subdivisions: omega, belonging to all the Avengers, who have clearance to enter the entirety of the tower except for the high-tech labs in the pent-house to avoid destruction; and alpha, belonging to only Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark and another person whose identity is classified, and they can access the whole tower."
Once I finish the infinite explanation, I take a long, deep breath. Making us tour guides say it in every tour is truly inhumane.
No, I'm not dramatic.
Anyway, the whole group seems excited to start, even more when I mentioned the Avengers. Except for that one kid, who now looks even more nervous if that's possible.
"Now we have to get on with the tour." I start doing rollcall and hand out the badges as I do so, only to reach the name 'Peter Benjamin Parker' and realize there's a note beside it saying he already has a badge. I brush it off and continue giving out the remaining ones. That's when I notice that the boy I am suspicious about is the one that seems to own a badge.
How interesting.
We head over to the scanners and I show them how to proceed.
"You have to put the badge close to this QR reader, and then your name and clearance level will be shown in the screens above from both sides, but you won't be able to enter if you don't scan your hand too here, just to assure that a person doesn't use another's badge.
"The line of LEDs below the screen lights up in different colors to inform security whether you have potentially dangerous items with you. If it lights up green, you're cleared, but if it's red then you have to go through an extensive security check." I glance sideways to the nervous teen, indirectly telling him to be careful. "There's one other color, and that's blue. Blue means that the person going through the scanners has dangerous items with them, but they are authorized. This color is generally seen when scientists enter the building with chemicals or workers from R&D labs enter with a robot or machine. However, it's pretty uncommon, considering few people are allowed to take work home, and it must be something of high importance if people with power to authorize dangerous stuff into the tower know of it.
"Without further ado, let's get this tour on the road." At this, I go through the scanner and prompt the group to follow my steps. They do so until the only one left is the one and only Peter Parker. I watch closely as the nervous wreck that is the teen miserably shuffles through his backpack and takes out a badge.
He walks forward and shakily puts the badge in front of the QR reader. The screens turn on to show his name, and, below it, a clearance level one alpha. He then slowly reaches for the hand scanner. I expect alarms to start blaring for a stolen identity or a hacker, but nothing happens.
Well, actually, something does happen: Friday.
"Hello, Peter. Boss has been alerted of your arrival," a voice says through tiny microphones embedded on the scanners.
I blink as I realize it's the first time I have ever seen the AI speak to someone without them asking something to her first.
Then I process her words, the boy's clearance and the blue light coming through the LEDs and I can only stare, eyebrows almost reaching my hairline.
So this guy was nervous not because he's dangerous but because he's too important. Nice.
No, actually, that's not nice at all.
I just wanted one normal and boring tour with whiny kids I could complain about, but guess what? No, that can't happen because I have a level one alpha in my group, who probably knows the tower better than I do anyway.
But seriously, there is one single classified person out there in the whole world who has that clearance, what were the odds?
Since we're talking about me, I'd say 100%.
And, would you look at that? He's here. Who would have thought?
I turn around tiredly to face the Decathlon team. They are all staring at the kid (Percy, was it?) with mouths agape. By that, I can guess they didn't know about his status and that was what had him so nervous.
The one kid that has the same clearance that Tony Stark isn't gloating about it. Good to know that... but I still wish I could complain without risking being fired by whoever this guy (Patrick, was it?) is.
"We'll start with the Avengers museum." I sigh.
I herd them to the elevator, to floor 5, and once there I show them around for a bit, without anything out of the ordinary happening.
That's until I start explaining a bit of the battle in the airport, in Germany.
"Everyone knows the Avengers fight together, they're not only associates but also friends. But we all also know about their fall back last year," I start. Everyone listens intently to every word that leaves my mouth. I can't quite decide if that's funny or annoying. Maybe both.
I explain the fight, the reasons and the outcome, making emphasis in the importance of SI in it.
"SI gave the Avengers most of the suits and weapons they used to fight, but it's also important to highlight that Tony Stark, who, as you all know, is the owner of the tower, fought in it with a suit he made himself. SI works to make the Earth a better place through technology, and, in a way, Mr. Stark was doing just that.
"Rumors say that Colonel Rhodes, with a suit that was also built by Tony Stark, was the one able to take down the Winter Soldier first. But then, the Winter Soldier fought back with his enhanced strength and metal arm, and pushed the colonel back just enough to escape. Then Mr. Stark came in and-" I was rudely interrupted.
"I'm sorry for interrupting-" of course he was- "but you know none of those things happened, right?" It was the level one alpha kid (Paolo, was it?). I just raise a brow at him, not in a mean way or anything like that, I'm just confused.
"Really? And you're basing your claims off what exactly?" a boy with brown skin asks him, with something that is probably supposed to be a sneer plastered in his face. I decide then and there that I don't like him.
"He would know," an unknown voice from behind the group says. It belongs to a man that's staring at one of the old Iron Man suit, with his back facing us. "He was there."
I close my eyes and take a deep, calming breath. So now it turns out that this kid (Perry, was it?) watched the fight between the Avengers that would go down in history. He had seen it first-hand, and yet it's me who's giving the tour.
I exhale. "Tell us about it then, kid." I open my arms with a kinda fake smile.
I'm hating this tour so much.
Everyone turns to look at the boy (Pierce, was it?) curiously and astonished, but he just blushes and shakes his head. The man from before turns around and hey, would you look at that! It's Captain America!
Of fucking course.
Anyway...
"Uncle Steve!" the kid cried out. "Why must you be so cruel?" he says dramatically. Is he trying to steal my title of drama queen? I'm offended.
"It's true." The Captain shrugs. "Now go ahead and tell them about it, Pete." He smirks. I pray for it all to be over.
My prayers are either unheard or ignored by god. How could they do this to me?
And so the kid (Phillip, was it?) comes up to the front and starts telling everyone the story in a quiet voice. All the other kids stare at him, but few pay attention to what he's saying as they are obviously shocked.
Once he's done with his magnificent tale (note the sarcasm), I continue the tour through the museum without any other inconvenience.
After that, I take them to see the conference rooms and explain briefly what each of them are used for.
This part of the tour is pretty short, as we just see the rooms from the outside and there's not much to explain besides saying that this is the place where most of the decisions regarding the company are taken.
But, as it's me giving the tour, Pepper Pots, the CEO of the company, just had to be walking down the same hallway as us.
She sees the level one alpha kid (Pollux, was it?) in between the group and asks, "Hey, Peter, are you staying for dinner?"
The kid blushes but nods. The woman (one of the most powerful and influential women alive, for God's sake) smiles at him and goes on with her day. Everyone continues to stare at the kid.
I, again, sigh and clap once to gain the group's attention.
"The labs are next."
The first lab we see isn't very important and therefore isn't big either, but the whole Decathlon Team is extremely excited either way (except, of course, for that level one alpha, who probably lives inside a lab thirteen times bigger and with tech worthy of Wakanda).
I show them a few labs through windows, but we don't go inside none of them because it can be extremely dangerous.
"As you can see, scientists and interns work together here to make creations that will help the world improve by making our lives simpler and safer, but only in ecofriendly ways. But something few people know is that Mr. Stark gives his employees freedom here to build whatever they want (with the obvious limitations). In a way, you could say that the labs are the place where these geniuses can let their imagination run wild while being financed by a billionaire who later finds out a way to use those inventions to help the world. It's a win-win.
"You should pay close attention to this part of the tour, since the only reason people get tours here is because they're interested in working for or with SI, because this place isn't a zoo that anyone can come and visit anytime; this is a professional working place. The fact that you go to a school for geniuses is probably the reason you are here, as you could make good interns and later on scientists here." When I say the last part, my eyes linger on the level one alpha kid (Pierre, was it?) a little longer than necessary. Him and I both know he's actually the only reason they're allowed in here.
Suddenly, one of the doors leading to a lab opens, and out comes Bruce Banner, being followed by at least seven interns.
"Please, Dr. Banner, we need help with this!" one pleads.
"Without professional help, this can turn out to be disastrous!" another intern adds.
"Dr. Banner-" the last one is interrupted by the doctor himself.
"I don't know the answer to your problems!" he exclaims tiredly, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "I'm sleep deprived!"
An intake of breath was heard.
"Excuse me?"
Can you guess who asked?
It was Harry Styles!
...
It was the kid, once again.
And so Bruce Banner snaps his head towards the boy (Phineas, was it?).
"Peter, it was a joke! I'm not sleep deprived, I swear!" The kid raises a single brow.
"You go to sleep, right this instant." Damn, that kid's stubborn. The scientist sighs but heads to the elevator.
"Okay, now deal with the desperate interns."
The boy closes his eyes and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "shit".
"Peter, Peter! Please, we need help with this-" they drag him inside the lab, muffling their words, and failing to notice the mob of children behind the kid.
Wow, such geniuses they are.
And so they take the boy inside the lab, basically begging for him to solve their problem. I ignore that and, with a sigh, continue my explanation, though the team's attention stays with their classmate.
"Umm... what is Peter doing?" a girl with curly brown hair interrupts me. Geez, kids these days.
"Sally, please shut up," the scrawny boy with round blue glasses says, "Let the guy-" he hesitates, "gal...?"
"Pal," I supply. He nods in understanding with a little smile.
"Let the pal do their job."
"Thank you," I say. "Now, moving on..." I continue my speech without any other interruptions, and this time the kids seem to pay more attention. Their gazes still stray sometimes from me towards the window from which their classmate can be seen working expertly, but at least they are hearing me now.
It's only when I'm finishing the tour around the labs that the kid (Pryce, was it?) comes back to us. He immediately heads over to a boy with straight dark hair, who looks overly excited, and a girl with curly hair, that looks indifferent.
The rest of the class turns towards him, but say nothing.
We're heading to the elevator when, without any kind of warning, two men fall from the vents, tripping over each other.
"Run, Clint, run!" Falcon screams while standing up and looking over his shoulder. Then he seems to spot someone in our group.
Who could it be? (Sigh)
"Peter, help us!" he shouts and runs towards the boy.
"What did you two do this time?" he asks.
"Nothing, I swear!"
"Uncle Sam, Uncle Clint, I won't say it again. What did you do?"
The men gulp. "It was just a little prank, nothing big," Hawkeye says.
"Nothing big?" the kid asks. "Then why do I sense Wanda and Vision coming from that hallway and yelling your names?"
The men pale and take a cautious step back, then take off running.
As if on cue, both celebrities mentioned by the boy arrive to where we are standing.
Everyone stares at them with wide eyes, but hey, you would too. It's hard to miss glitter-covered Avengers running down the hallway.
"Sam! Clint!" Scarlett Witch yells furiously, covered from head to toe with pink glitter. "A prank war has been declared!"
The boy (Preston, was it?) curses, but neither of the Avengers take notice of him.
Before anything else can happen, I herd the group into the elevator.
But Vision and Scarlett Witch follow.
The ride is awkward as hell, with two angry superheroes covered in glitter, an uncomfortable boy, eight kids staring at the two Avengers, then the teacher, who is completely clueless and just confusion in the shape of a man, and me, frustrated and ready to sell my soul to the devil to get it all over with.
The boy (Paul, was it?) opens his mouth to say something but promptly closes it.
"Friday, take us to the penthouse. They're so dead," Wanda says, fuming.
"What happened?" the kid finally asks.
Both of the heroes turn, surprised, to look at the kid, as does the rest of the people in the elevator.
"Hey, Peter!" the witch greets, brightening up ever so slightly.
"Hi Wanda, hi Vis," he replies. The former AI nods in his direction with a small smile.
"This happened," Scarlett Witch points to Vision and then to her own body, which are both still shining a bright pink, "when we were looking for Bruce at his lab. Do you know where he is, by the way?"
"I sent him to sleep," the boy says like it's normal.
"Okay, thank you," she says.
"We're going to prank Clint and Sam now, do you want to come with us?" Vision asks.
"Umm," the boy makes a hand gesture in our general way, "I'm in a field trip."
Wanda shrugs. "Then bring them as well."
And... there goes any chances left of having a normal-ish tour. Wave as they pass by, everyone.
Friday hears what the witch says and takes us all to the penthouse. As soon as the doors open, the Avengers in the elevator rush out.
I see Hawkeye run away the moment they do, and in the way he takes Tony's mug with him, taking a big gulp of whatever liquid it held, probably coffee. Then he steals what Thor is eating. Raising my brows slightly, I realize they are pop tarts.
"Hey!" the billionaire and the god complain.
"Code yellow," Vision informs them. Both men turn to him.
"Are you Clint's opposing team?" Tony asked.
"Yes, we've also got Peter," Scarlett Witch says.
"Count me in," the head of the company says, and Thor nods along.
Not from far away, a terrified scream is heard.
"That's for my coffee, Bird Brain!" the billionaire yells back.
Another distant scream. Tony smirks.
This seems to unlock the tour group's ability of speech, as everyone starts speaking at once.
"I can't believe what's happening, oh God, oh God, oh God."
"We are with the Avengers! Oxygen magnesium!"
"Sally, did you really just say 'oxygen magnesium'?"
"I ADMIRE YOU ALL SO MUCH!"
"How do they know Peter?"
"Abe, our SI tour turned into watching a prank war between Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Is that really your only question?"
"He has a point though, Cindy; since when does Parker know the Avengers? How?"
"Flash, please shut up."
"All of you, shut up and fangirl like normal people! Gee, my classmates are idiots..."
"Anyway," the billionaire silences them all by speaking, "We will get going-" he starts, but is interrupted by Vision, who speaks up from his forgotten position at the back.
"Tony, we have an urgent problem. It seems like Peter is being bullied."
"Someone is doing what?"
The whole atmosphere darkens and I can actually see all the Avenger's demeanor turn murderous.
And I thought I was dramatic.
Tony claps once to get everyone's attention (as if he didn't already have it), and gives us a visibly forced smile.
"Well, I think it's time to change the tour's schedule a little bit."
I slam my head into a wall.
Okay, I don't, but I was tempted to.
So, I give up in life as my boss tells Friday to alert 'Natasha' and 'Bucky', and to meet us in the training room.
Even Hawkeye and Falcon come back from their manly escape to face this bully, all traces of amusement far gone.
The Decathlon team has gone silent again, and the boy (Payton, was it?) looks pale as we head back into the elevator where everything went to hell.
The ride is, once again, immensely awkward. At one point, the kids start talking again, but I just cross my arms and rest against the elevator's walls. The Avengers took the tour into their hands, now it's their problem.
We eventually reach the training room and both of the super heroes Tony alerted are there, along with a sleepy and grumpy Bruce Banner.
"Who touched Peter?" Black Widow asks, deadly calm. I stare ahead of me, unfazed. Whoever did it had this coming. I don't like bullies.
But none of the kids speak up, not even the victim. I think they're all too afraid to.
"Not gonna speak, huh?" Winter Soldier growls out. "Doesn't matter. We've had Friday analyze the school security cameras recordings." His gaze fixates in the boy with brown skin that questioned what the level one alpha boy had said in the museum. Honestly, I'm not even surprised.
"Can you imagine how angry I was to see that my маленький паук has been bullied for years by this asshole?" Black Widow asks rhetorically, staring directly into the bully's eyes too.
All the Avengers turn to the boy, and they all seem to want to murder him slowly and painfully.
"So now you, Eugene," Tony spits out the name as if it were venom, "you will come up and fight me. I want to know if you're as brave with someone who actually fights back."
"Can I fight him?" Clint asks.
"I want to be the one to fight him!" Wanda exclaims.
They all start discussing over who gets to fight (aka punch repeatedly without getting even a scrape themselves) the bully.
Finally, Natasha says, "Oh, no, I have a better idea," and it's probably the almost cruel glint in her eyes that makes the rest of her team agree.
I sigh. This will take a while.
"According to Friday," the red-haired hero starts, "you have been bullying Peter for years. You have been punching him, kicking him and insulting him, but not even one of those five hundred times, Peter fought back. You know why, Flash?"
The bully, Flash (what kind of nickname even is that?), is shaking and stays quiet.
"You thought it was because Peter couldn't fight back?" the Winter Soldier says and then laughs. "You couldn't be more wrong. The only reason he doesn't fight back is because he doesn't want to harm you, obviously, because he has a heart of gold and can't even fathom the idea of punching his own bully."
I don't honestly know if he's just exaggerating to scare him or if he's being serious. He can't be serious, right?
"And now I will show you that he can, in fact, defend himself." The boy (Prescott, was it?) shakes his head while giving both assassins a warning glare. He has guts, I'll give him that. "Because you two will be fighting against each other. And, for the first time, Peter won't be holding back."
"You dare go easy on him, Pete, and I'll take your lab privileges for two months," Tony threatens, and the response is immediate: the boy groans and starts protesting.
"You can't ban me from my own lab!" he complains.
"Watch me."
I nod approvingly. That line was nice.
Anyway, the boy looks miserable as he walks to the front, while the bully looks scared but pretty confident.
That's until the boy takes off his baggy sweater. A look of pure horror takes over his features as he sees the other kid's arms, which have almost as much muscle as Captain America himself. The multiple scars from gunshots and other weapons that are visible in them don't seem to help.
"Oh, what happens?" Falcon asks with an innocent expression, but it's painfully obvious that he's enjoying it. "Hadn't you seen him without a sweater before?"
The bully gulps as he shakily approaches the other kid.
When half a minute passes and neither of them make a move, Natasha asks, "What, are you afraid of the boy you bullied for years now?"
In a surge of idiotic bravery, the bully tries to punch the boy, who only catches his fist and judo flips him in one swift movement, immobilizing him in mere seconds.
"Did you see that?" one of the Decathlon kids whisper-yells, amazed.
"But did you see how his muscles flexed? Damn!"
"Cindy, don't be a slut."
"Oh, Charles, you think I didn't catch you staring, too?"
I facepalm.
All whispered conversations come to a stop when the boy (Pascal, was it?) starts asking his bully if he's alright and apologizing profusely.
"Why do you apologize to that asshole? He bullies you!" Wanda asks angrily.
I suppress a smile. I can't take her seriously when she's still covered in pink glitter.
Natasha then walks up to the bully. "Do you want to fight me, too? I'm sure it will be fun!" She smiles sadistically. The kid shakes his head fast, with an expression of absolute fear in his face.
"No, Ms. Black Widow, I- I don't want to fight you."
Tony approaches the bully. "Now live up to your ridiculous nickname and leave."
Damn, they're all extra as hell.
But either way the bully stands up hurriedly from the floor and stumbles to the closest exit.
"Wait at the bus!" the teacher calls out uselessly.
There's silence.
"So, Andy," Tony says with a smile, reading my badge, "this tour was certainly interesting, wasn't it?"
That's it.
After this, I'm quitting.
Thank you oh so much, Peter.