A/N: Thank you very much to all those who are still following Molly's journey, this is still very much a monologue, and is about seeing things from her point of view – as ever my thanks to Flossy for asking all the right questions

Why does the Sun keep on Shining?

I went round sticking those yellow sticky note things on everything I could think of, the fridge, the kettle, his coffee thingies, you know, the bathroom door, middle of his pillow, bloody everywhere, I sort of knew he'd think it was funny, that he would get the joke, that it was me on a mission to make bloody sure he was no doubt about where I was. I mean, yeah might have been a bit of over-kill, but I was making the point that I didn't want him to worry like last time. Although that wasn't my fault, I mean how was I supposed to know he'd be bothered, far as I knew, he was with Ginger Barbie, wasn't he? Then even though I knew he'd be dead busy being the boss and doing something important and that, yelling at someone probably, except he tells me he doesn't have to do that these days because people do what he says. I'm not completely sure because he denied it but I think that was just him having a little pop at me. Anyway, I called him, even though I knew a text would be better, and my call would go straight to voice mail, but I wanted to talk to him or at least hear his voice before I went, didn't I? Well, you never know what Lady Luck's got in store.

I'm sure that as flights to India go it was probably better than fine, I mean, it was Business Class which is hardly roughing it, is it? Trouble was it was fucking endless or seemed it. Eight and a half bleeding hours to Mumbai, and all the time knowing that even when I finally got off the damn thing there was going to be a bleeding long wait and then another couple of hours on another plane to Delhi. Hadn't really thought about it at the time, but it was no bloody wonder Admin at the office had been saying how sorry they were they couldn't get me a direct flight.

Maybe if I hadn't been shitting myself about what was waiting for me it wouldn't have been so bad, but I was fucking bricking it, and before you say anything, that wasn't because of not wanting to go to India, it was on my list of places I wanted to see, or not wanting to leave Charles, it was nothing like that. His name is Noel Dexter and he's got a fucking head injury. They're the bread and butter jobs for us, people who've hurt their heads when they're abroad nearly always need someone to give them a helping hand to get home because of not travelling on their own. The airlines won't have it, will they? I'd always known it was going to happen one day, I was bound to be sent to re-pat someone with a head injury, someone who could very likely keel over and die on me without any warning. Someone just like Smurf. And just like with Smurf, I wouldn't be able to do a single thing to help.

This Noel had been on the back of a scooter or might have been a motorbike, don't know, not sure, all I do know is that he's a photographer or had been taking photos or something when the driver hit something and he'd come off. Noel I mean, don't know about the driver, but Noel hadn't got his helmet on properly, that's if he was even wearing one in the first place. He'd ended up landing smack bang on his head in the middle of the road and it really hadn't been good at the start, he'd been more than a bit shit so everyone had been very dubious about whether he'd even live. Then when it seemed he wasn't going to die, they weren't sure whether his brains were scrambled, but Lady Luck had smiled on him and he got away with it, at least that's what they're saying. I just bloody hope they're right and that they've checked everything at least twice before they decided he's good to travel home. I Googled it when I was at Heathrow waiting, just thought it would be helpful to read up on the latest, you know, what to look out for and that, but I'm not that sure I should have done it. To be honest it didn't help much, didn't stop my stomach from churning and turning over with worry and I really can't help thinking it would have been far better for this Noel if someone else had gone to get him.

-OG-

I'm sure Mumbai is well nice, they say it's lovely and I'm sure that's true but all I saw was the inside of another air-conditioned lounge at another bleeding airport, same old, same old. It's nice and posh and everything but nothing to get excited over. Maybe that was because I was dead tired. Mystery to me how you can get so bloody tired from sitting still for hours, but my eyes were all gritty and sore and kept wanting to close so I was struggling to keep them open. Then every time I just rested them for a few seconds, I felt like I was still on that sodding plane and some sadistic sod was jerking it up and down on a bit of string. He was enjoying himself with making me suffer. It was a really shit feeling. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so utterly bleeding horrible, especially knowing there were still bloody hours to go before I could find my hotel bed and die.

-OG-

"Hey you … where are you, still in Mumbai?" I'd texted him soon as we landed, just to say I was there, you know, but I hadn't asked him to ring me back. Knew he would though, well, alright, I'll admit I'd have been bleeding pissed if he hadn't "You okay?"

"Yeah ... course, why wouldn't I be? Bit of a long wait for the next bit though, I got a while here yet. you okay … had a good day?"

"Indeed … well, as okay as it can be without you … it's a bit cold and lonely … and very quiet"

"Are you saying I make a lot of noise? … Cheeky sod … I'm quiet as a little mouse, me"

"My own very noisy little mouse … as well as a very beautiful one … and I miss her"

I couldn't tell you why exactly, but soon as I heard him say all that I felt better, even though he was taking the piss a bit. I mean I only saw him at breakfast so it hadn't been long and we hadn't really got much to talk about but for some reason I'd been feeling horribly alone and lonely I suppose. What me Nan always called feeling fed up and far from home. Sitting there on my own I'd felt like a real Billy No-Mates, which is a bit ridiculous, I'm a professional doing a job, but the minute I heard him say he missed me I felt a whole lot better. I know, bloody daft or what?

"Flatterer … 'ere before I forget, can you take me stuff out the wash for me, I forgot and it'll smell horrible if it sits in there for days till I get back …. It'll smell like wet dog"

"Course … hey … I didn't know we had a dog …"

"Smartarse … you know what I mean"

"Indeed … and we really can't have you smelling like an Afghan shitter, can we?"

"What you talking about? I never said that"

"You used to say it all the time back in the FOB … about the smell?"

"Did I? well, must have been me on me best behaviour, being polite in front of the boss or something … they bloody reeked … and I should know, you used to make me clean them … bully"

"I have to admit I never noticed you being polite in front of the boss …"

"Didn't you? Very unobservant of you… thought you always said you noticed everything"

"And I was never a bully, either" He completely ignored what I'd said "Hey, would it help if I said I was sorry?"

"Nah"

"Well I am … what are you going to do while you wait for the flight?"

"Dunno … would be nice if there was other people around to talk to maybe … but there's no-one, they're all bloody sensible as well as bloody rich, all at home in bed and asleep, or tucked up in a nice comfortable hotel or something … they're not sitting here trying to find something to do to pass the time"

"Thanks for that"

"Nah … sorry, that came out wrong, didn't mean it the way it sounded"

"Glad to hear it … why rich anyway?"

"Have you seen how much a Business Class ticket costs? If we're going Business to Abu Dhabi, you're gonna have to start saving … or seeing about selling a kidney or something … it's not exactly Primark"

"Who said anything about Business Class?"

"You saying you expect me to slum it? Nah, sorry, getting used to this game, aren't I?"

"Christ … well, I'll be happy to sell a kidney if I have to, I'm sure you're worth every penny…"

"Listen, you might be there and I'm not, but my bullshit radar is still alive and well …. It's working fine"

"Listen to me for a minute Moll" I could hear the laugh in his voice "Do something for me please, make sure you ring me as soon as you get there, okay?"

"Get where … Abu Dhabi?"

"Very funny … you know exactly what I'm talking about, just promise me you'll ring as soon as you land in Delhi, let me know you've got there safe and sound"

"It'll be middle of the bloody night, you'll be snoring in your pit" I was trying dead hard to work out the time differences, but my brain wasn't working.

"I won't be able to sleep until I know you're safely there … okay? So, humour me, and just do it … promise … do it for me"

"Yeah alright … Okay … I promise" I got to say I'm not sure what the fuck he thinks is going to happen to me between here and Delhi, same as I'm not sure what he'd have done if I'd of told him the truth when he asked if I was okay. Not going to ask what he thinks might happen, I got enough to worry me already, and it's not like there's anything he can do, is there?

-OG-

I kept dropping off for a second or two and then jumping awake as soon as my chin fell forward, so I was beyond glad when they said the waiting out was over and it was time to board for Delhi. Every time I'd jerked awake, I hadn't been able to think where the bloody hell I was, so it was beginning to feel like I hadn't slept for a month. The cabin crew were dead busy so they had no time to chat with me like the ones on the flight from London, and Business was full of, well, business people, mostly men, all men actually, apart from me, and most of them seemed to be wanting coffee and breakfast, but I couldn't face another bloody mouthful. Even the smell of the coffee was putting me off. I don't know what it is with airlines that they throw food at you the whole time, well, not throw exactly, but you know what I mean. But being on my own with no-one to talk to meant there was far too much bloody time for me to just sit and look out the window and watch the sun coming up and think, which I'm notsure was very helpful. I kept thinking about when we were first together and how I'd thought it was going to last forever, and then when he'd been gone and I'd been properly on my own, not just for a few hours on a plane or sitting in an airport, I'd really thought everything would be okay if he'd only come back. And I suppose I'd kept on thinking like that, I'd been sort of on hold just waiting for everything to be back to how it was supposed to be. Talk about bloody kidding myself. I should have admitted that it was never going to be that easy, I love him to bits but we needed to be honest with each other. There is no magic bubble that's going to last for the rest of my bloody life. I'd believed that all I had to do was be what everyone wanted me to be, probably had a lot to do with my dad and things from the past, but it wasn't true was it? I had to be me. I'd stopped all that hiding behind an act with the family, and it was time I stopped it with Charles. Him and me won't work otherwise, will we? All that stuff my dad used to say about me is wrong, I know all that, he made me think I'll always be something people have got to put up with, and I know it's not like that, there's no-one has to put up with me. It's beyond fucking stupid that underneath I still feel like I'm that girl, and have to hide my feelings and keep on smiling even when I'm afraid to ask something because of the risk the answer will be something I don't want to hear.

Charles, Claire, Nan, my mum and I suppose my dad and his mum as well, sort of, and there's all the people I care about that I've lost touch with, Jacks and the lads, everyone, I need to bloody grow up and do something before it's too late. If I don't, if I carry on with pretending everything is fine when it's not, then I'm going to spend the rest of my life watching it all, everyone I care about, disappearing down the shitter.

-OG-

Places have surprised me before, you know, they've turned out different to how I'd pictured them. I remember thinking Afghan was well nice and that I wouldn't mind living there, well as long as they stopped having a bloody war 'n that and got a few shops. And maybe it's because of being so tired, but soon as I got through the gate all I could think was bloody hell, look at this place. It was unbelievably bloody huge, probably the biggest empty and most echoing space I've ever seen in my life and I don't know why, but it wasn't what I'd been expecting. And there were all these men clustered in front of the barriers waving cards and yelling, shouting out names at the tops of their voices and pushing one another out the way to get the best spot. And apart from them, there wasn't a bleeding soul to be seen in the place.

Not being able to see my name anywhere on any of the boards gave me one of those moments, I had that little surge of panic in my guts I get sometimes when I'm not sure what's best to do next. And then gave myself a bloody good kick up the arse. Not literally of course, I'm not a contortionist but sometimes I need to remind myself that it's all good and going to be fine, that I'm a big girl now. I got there in one bit, didn't I? and I'm perfectly capable of finding a bleeding taxi at an airport for fuck sake, there was bound to be a whole load queued up outside. But then I'm not going to lie and pretend I wasn't happy when this nice young driver called Jayesh or something like that saw my medical assist stuff and claimed me like I was a bit of lost property. Wasn't that far from the truth actually. I could easy have passed for something that had got left out in the rain. I'd done what I could to my face and hair and had brushed my teeth on the plane, which had made me feel a bit better, but none of it could stop me feeling like chewed string. I felt un-fucking-believably shit, it was going to need at least a hot cuppa and eight hours kip and maybe a chat with my lovely husband for me to begin to feel like me.

Jayesh didn't say anything, just kept on nodding and smiling and doing his best to insist I had to let him dump the med kit in the trolley with the rest of my stuff while I was hanging onto it as if my life depended on keeping hold of the sodding thing. I couldn't work out how good his English was, all I knew was it was bloody hard work trying to get him to understand I couldn't let him take it and look after it for me so we ended up almost having this tug of war. I'm pretty bloody sure he thought I was being an ungrateful stroppy mare, but I'd had it drummed into me right from the get go that no-one is allowed to get their mitts on it. Probably because of the drugs, but I wasn't allowed to let it out of my sight, they even let me keep it with me on the plane.

The noise level and the rugby scrum outside the doors was fucking unbelievable, all these other drivers, at least I think they were drivers, were yelling and waving their arms at me and they were all shouting at once, yelling about whether or not I wanted their bloody taxi, and tell you what, I was sort of glad I had Jayesh. Bloody hell. I know they got a living to make and I'm sure they're just trying their best to earn enough to feed their kids and that, but fuck me, it was actually a bit scarily full on. Which is bloody saying something from a girl from the east End who used to go to Upton Park on a Saturday afternoon.

The warm sunshine and being off of that plane felt lovely, but I was actually quite glad to get in the hotel car when Jayesh stood and held the back door open for me. He honestly didn't seem to get it that I really wanted to go in the front, but seems it's against something or other, his union maybe, for him to let me sit next to him. But we'd only just got going and I was offering up little prayers of thanks to Lady Luck, or whoever was watching out for me. Thank fuck he hadn't let me get in the front. All the bloody drivers are sodding maniacs and seems there are no rules at all, except every man for himself. What does surprise me is that after Noel fell off of whatever he was on, which is no surprise now by the way, no other bugger ran over him when he was in the middle of the road. For fuck sake, no-one seemed to be looking where they're going, although Jayesh did say they all make sure they look out for the cows in the road. Bloody Nora.

There are these two really tall blokes standing guard outside the front doors of the hotel and they're all dressed up in these beautiful robes, you know, they're Sikhs or something with turbans and that, although I'm not sure they're actually guarding anything exactly. I got a feeling it might be more for show for the tourists, but still they're dead impressive. Think I'm going to ask if I can get a selfie with the pair of them before I go home. The inside of the hotel is a bit lovely as well, my room is pretty nice and the bed is big and welcoming looking, although not as big as the one in Abu Dhabi. The bath is bloody huge, shame I got no company.

"'ello … it's me"

"And about bloody time, where the fuck are you?"

"Delhi … the hotel … I just got here"

"Right … so what happened to as soon as I get there, I promise?"

"I have just got here … 'ere, you mad at me?"

"No of course not …" I heard him take a deep breath, and knew he was lying, he was, he was fucking furious, I can tell these things "I was concerned about where you were, that's all"

I heard him give a bit of a gulp as he swallowed hard, and knew he'd been dead worried. Shit, hadn't meant that to happen, had I? I'd just thought I'd wait till I got to the hotel to ring him instead of in the back of the hotel car with all the brakes squealing and the horns blaring and me shrieking and scaring him shitless every time it looked like we were just about to hit something.

"Sorry … had my eyes shut in the car from the airport, didn't I? They're all bleeding nuts, I don't think they have driving rules or tests or anything stupid like that here and they definitely got no highway code, unless you count having to watch out for the cows … fucking scary"

"Lovely …thanks for that, Moll … that makes it so much less worrying .."

"Sorry .. you should see this place, not the hotel, that's well nice, but the roads round the airport, there are all these people seem to be living on the street, properly living, you know, cooking their breakfast on the pavements with loads of kids running about all over, never mind about the fires and being by the busy road, it was so dead bloody dangerous I wanted to stop the car and tell them to be careful, and then just up the road a bit, there was all these places that obviously cost a bleeding bomb, great big gates and that .."

"That's the same just about wherever you go, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I s'pose … bit shit though, innit?"

"Indeed … listen Moll, don't even think of bringing any of the kids home in your luggage, will you? I know what you're like"

"What not even a couple? You sayin' someone would notice?"

"Yup … and I would really like my beautiful wife home here with me, I don't want to have to bail her out of jail or explain to someone somewhere that it's just she has a very soft heart, that she's not a people trafficker"

"Haha, so bleeding funny …"

"I know … but I mean it … when are you coming back?"

"Dunno yet … couple of days, probably, gotta see what's what later when I go to the clinic … really gotta have a kip first ... I'm bleeding knackered ... be asleep before the springs hit the floor"

I heard that soft little chuckle he always does when I say that, it's part of our history and his chuckle was telling me I was forgiven for not doing exactly what I'd promised. I hadn't told him anything about this Noel, not a word about him having a head injury and he hadn't asked, I didn't want to say anything and for him to worry about me remembering all the shit with Smurf. He'd be worried I'd be upset and anyway it was bad enough me being worried stiff.

"Now go and get some sleep and ring me when you know … okay? And Moll … please do something for me, could you please make sure you do it this time?"

"Yeah .. I will"

"I love you … now … promise me you'll keep yourself safe for me, won't you? And remember you have to leave those kids where they are"

"If I must … 'n you be safe 'n all, I'll phone soon as I know … love you" I knew he was grinning "Go on, hang up."

"Nope … You first .."

"Nah … you … alright I'm going to hang up, I'm going to bed"

"Night … sleep well"

"You had to have the last word, didn't you?"

"Nope … that's you"

"Shut up"

It was probably the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in, and the pillows were lovely as well, but even though I almost died soon as my head hit the pillow it was only a couple of hours later and I was bloody wide awake again. I really wish I could say I woke up raring to go, but I didn't, my stomach was churning worse than ever, it was actually bad enough now to be making me feel a bit sick.

-OG-

"Hello … you Noel?"

Fuck, I ran out of words for a minute, didn't I? He's actually one of the best looking blokes I've ever seen, and that's in spite of the big bandage round his head, or maybe it's because of it. His skin is really pale and he's got these amazing blue eyes ringed with dark lashes and he's just, well, really. really good looking. It's a bloody good job he didn't land on his face in that road, would have been a crying shame to have spoiled it.

"Hi Noel ... I'm Molly and I've come to take you home"

"Something tells me that doesn't mean what I usually hope it means when a beautiful girl like you says she's taking me home with her"

Oh god, he's smirking. Not only good looking but bloody knows it 'n all, thinks he's god's gift. Hello Molly, nice to meet you would have done nicely and he sounds like a septic tank, although it doesn't say so anywhere on his notes. Not that it makes a scrap of bleeding difference, does it? You know, I can't help getting the distinct feeling it's going to be a very long couple of days.