Summary: "You could have been something. You could have been someone. But you blew it."-When Hermione Granger finds Draco Malfoy crying in the girls' bathroom, she decides to find out what's wrong. With only the girl who he despises willing to help him, things are going to change. DM/HG. Compliant up to Order of the Phoenix
Mature content and themes, explicit language.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to Ms. JK Rowling.
Chapter 20: Empty
He rolled over, as he felt something soft under his cheek.
Hair.
Granger's hair.
He had opened his eyes to find her sleeping beside him, as he slowly maneuvered himself out of her grip.
Everyone knew that lingering in bed in the morning had signified something more than just a physical relationship. He couldn't let that happen.
She was still deep in sleep, like an angel. Her coffee coloured curls were scattered all around the pillows, while her hand rested in the spot he had just been.
She looked so peaceful, and he wanted to give her those few extra moments of undisturbed rest. He didn't know why, but he did. He knew she needed it as much as he did.
He looked over at the clock, and noticed it was five forty five in the morning. That had been the most sleep he had gotten in weeks. And this time, the nightmares hadn't come.
She slowly roused awake, as she shifted around under the covers. It took her a moment to realize where she was, when it suddenly hit her.
She was in the Room of Requirement.
Memories of the previous night suddenly flooded her mind, as she instinctively reached over to the other side of the bed.
He wasn't there.
She pulled herself up, and immediately found him seated on one of the sofas, fully clothed. He seemed to be in his own world, until he snapped back, and turned to her.
Neither of them said anything for a moment, as time seemed to pause, just for a moment.
"You're awake." he stated, dully.
She pulled herself out from under the sheets, wrapping the blankets around her to cover her body, as she moved to the edge of the bed.
"Draco...do you regret what happened last night?" she asked timidly.
She heard him suck a sharp breath in, and saw him run his fingers through his hair, all while facing in the opposite direction from her.
"What happened last night shouldn't have happened. You know this as well, Granger."
She took in his words, frowning. She ran her fingers along the bedpost, as she traced the intricate patterns and designs.
"Why not?"
He finally turned to her, looking right into her eyes, with a look of sadness in his features.
"We can't just pretend that this is normal. What we are doing is normal. What if I asked you Granger, do you regret what happened last night?"
"Then I'd say I don't."
They had slipped past her mouth like it had been the easiest thing to say. She was being so fucking soft. Merlin, it was crushing him.
He looked up at her, and saw her look back at him, sighing.
"I don't know if this isn't clear, but I like you, Draco. I don't regret doing what we did. And I think you don't either."
Her words were stabbing him like knives. Her genuinity was killing him.
"The world isn't all tulips and daisies. It's more complicated than that-"
"It's only complicated if we make it complicated-"
"You don't fucking get it! You don't know how greatly this could affect me if anyone found out! Now, there's no difference between me and Weasley. We're both the same. Blood traitors."
She stared at him blankly, with hurt and sorrow written all over her features.
"So...it's about blood."
"Yes. It is."
He could hear every breath she took, as she gripped the bedpost tightly, looking away from him.
"I thought you were better than that. I know you are better than that-"
"You don't know shit! You think your little game has fucked with my head enough to make me change and all that sappy bullshit, but you're wrong! I feel nothing but disgust for myself-"
"You should. You should feel disgusted. But not based on the fact that you had sex with me, but based on the fact that you're being a coward! The fact that you refuse to acknowledge that you were in full control of all your actions!"
There it was again. Coward.
"Don't call me a coward."
"Then prove to me that you aren't! Accept that you were in full control of your actions, and-"
"Okay! I fucking was! I clearly was desperate enough for a shag that I would stoop to lay my hands on-"
"On a Mudblood. You know you don't say it as often anymore. You know you squirm when you say it."
He looked at her, her eyes full of fire and her features full of emotion. She seemed like she could hex him right then.
"Get out. Just leave me alone. Don't touch me again."
Suddenly feeling guilty, he got up out of his seat, and leaned against the sofa.
"Granger…"
"Just leave me the fuck alone."
Breathing deeply, he decided it would be wise to heed to her words. He got up to leave, and just when he reached to open the door, he heard her speak up again.
"I just want you to treat me like I am a person." she sighed. "I want you to believe that I am the same as you. That we're all the same. People."
After quickly sneaking into the common room, and into her dormitory, before anyone had awoken, she managed to change into her school uniform, before anyone had noticed that she wasn't in her bed in the morning.
She made her way back down to the common room, to find Harry running to her, with a worried expression on his face.
"Hermione! Where were you last night! We asked Seamus but-"
"I know, I'm sorry for running off like that. I was just feeling...claustrophobic. I needed to get some air. I didn't want to bother you after, so I came right back to my dormitory."
She didn't like lying to him. She never did. But she couldn't tell him about Draco...not yet. Not when even she was in a mess with her feelings.
"Okay...just let one of us know before you go off like that next time."
Smiling to her friend, she leaned in to give him a quick hug, before the two of them began their walk to the Great Hall.
Finally joining his friend, he took his place on the Slytherin table, as he reached for a slice of toast.
"Draco! Where the fuck were you last night? I asked Astoria, but she said you just-"
"I needed some air. Balls are not my thing. I find them to be childish-"
"And you never came back?"
"I saw no reason to return."
He took a moment to take in his friends words, before nodding his head slowly. He felt that he wasn't being told the truth, but Draco often was like this. Vague and stiff.
Draco searched the room for a mane of brown hair, and immediately found it on the opposite side of the hall. It had almost become a routine for him.
She was sitting with Potter, but seemed to be lost in her own world. She pushed around something on her plate, while her other hand played with a lock of her hair. She was nibbling on her bottom lip, her eyes dazed, as she stared at a spot in front of her.
Her words had still been playing in his head, no matter how hard he tried to push them away.
"I like you, Draco..."
I thought you were better than that. I know you are better than that…"
"I just want you to treat me like I am a person." she sighed. "I want you to believe that I am the same as you. That we're all the same. People..."
Fucking hell.
It was so easy for her to let out her emotions. Say whatever she wanted, without a care in the world. Pretend she wasn't speaking to the boy who had tormented her for years.
He didn't know if he cared about her blood anymore. He wanted to believe that he did, but somehow he knew he didn't. He wouldn't have done what he did last night if he didn't have any doubts.
He thought back to the day they'd been in the trophy room, when she'd showed him their bleeding hands. When she'd shown him that her blood was red too.
She proved him wrong every fucking time. She was right every fucking time. He wanted to believe he was right where he was, but she was fucking with his head.
His entire life, she'd always outperformed him. She'd always been number one, brightest witch of her age, while he had been behind her. She beat him in every exam, every test, every class...everything.
Yet, she was supposed to be below him. She was supposed to be beneath him.
Either he was completely right, or he really was the bigoted, brainwashed, idiot Granger had said he was.
He should've pushed her away the moment she'd come close, but he didn't know why he didn't. Why he couldn't. Every time she touched him, he felt like in a completely different world, somewhere away from all the darkness of the world, somewhere better.
And now, he'd fucked up, so he doubted he would even get those touches.
"Draco."
"What?" He said, snapping out of his thoughts.
"We have to go, we're getting late for Transfigurations."
"Oh...okay."
Collecting himself, he moved to get up, finally pulling his eyes away from Granger.
"Let's go, Hermione, we have Transfigurations."
"Coming Harry...you go, I'll join you in a bit." she replied, checking her bag to make sure she had everything she needed.
"Okay. I'll see you there."
After making sure she had her essay in her bag, she moved to get up, and was on her way to her first class. In a rush to leave the Great Hall, she bumped into someone, and she immediately extended an arm to steady the other person.
"Luna."
"Hello, Hermione." she said, dazedly.
"How are you?"
"I'm well...I didn't see you at the Hallowe'en Ball yesterday."
"Oh...I left a bit early. I was quite knackered."
"Harry and Ginny were quite worried...they didn't know where you were."
Taking a deep breath, Hermione nibbled on her lip, before she responded.
"That was my mistake, I left without telling them. I should've let them know before leaving."
"You should have. It's always good to keep your friends informed." she said airily, before taking her leave and walking away.
Hermione felt like whatever the young Ravenclaw had said always had a double meaning to it, and it frustrated her beyond limits.
Deciding not to dwell on the witch's words, she continued her walk to the Transfigurations classroom, determined to not let anything else distract her.
The entire class, they kept sneaking glances at one another.
It was so hard to ignore him, to pretend that he didn't exist, when he was right there. She couldn't forget last night, when she'd been in his arms…
She couldn't take it.
Too much fucking sexual tension.
Being so close to her made his fingers itch to touch her again, claim her once more…
But he couldn't.
She was so close, yet so far. It was bloody infuriating.
Somehow, they'd made it out of class, without doing anything that would seem remotely suspicious to their friends.
She was on her way to Ancient Runes, just when she felt a hand grab her arm, pulling her away from the crowd. She quickly turned to see who it was, brushing her hair away from her face.
"Seamus."
She'd gone stiff, and all of a sudden, her carried had been filled with guilt. She felt terrible about leaving him the night before, and she needed to apologize.
"Hermione…I-"
"I'm sorry, Seamus. I really am. I shouldn't have left like that, I just…"
"It's okay. I know. I know you felt bad about him. I was skeptical about asking you in the first place, I wasn't sure if you-"
"Him?" she questioned, slightly confused, but her heart suddenly racing.
"Ron. I know you like him, I just wasn't sure if you were serious about it. I should've known, I apologize."
"Oh. Ron." she sighed. "Yeah...I'm sorry I had to do that. I hope I didn't ruin your night."
"Oh, of course not! Padma was abandoned by Ron as well, and we had a great time together."
Smiling, she looked up to her house mate, as she sighed deeply.
"Well, that's good to hear."
He pulled his curtains closed, as he laid in the centre of his four poster bed. He knew he wouldn't get sleep that night. He knew they would come back.
He hadn't slept as well as he had last night in months, and he somehow knew the primary reason for that had been being in Granger's presence.
She somehow made everything better and worse at the same time, and it fucking pissed him off.
She made it through the entire day.
When she pulled her covers over her, she couldn't help but reach over to the right side of the bed, and feel an emptiness she hadn't felt before. She felt like something was missing.
He was missing.
a/n: chapter 21 is finally done! I think we all needed a breather chapter after everything that has been happening for the past few ones. I don't want to rush into things, still want to make it as believeable as possible.
Okayyyy so school has just been pushed back to the 22nd, so now I have an extra week to get as much writing done before I get bombarded with essays and projects. Who am I kidding, I'll still probably be up until 5am writing. You guys better thank me.
So, I just changed this fic to Black, White, and Everything In Between. I think the first name was one I made up really quickly, because I was really impatient to finally begin writing! I wasn't completely happy with it, so after much thought, I finally decided to go for it and change it! The new name, in my opinion, represents my story much better, and is one that I personally am much happier with.
Cases are rising at an alarming rate. I really don't understand how people can still refuse to wear a mask. My city's mayor was furious today after hearing that strip clubs had opened, and how many new cases are linked to those clubs XD. This shit is crazy. Please guys, wear a mask, and continue to social distance. And definitely stay away from strip clubs, for now.
Stay safe and healthy,
Sydney.