2013
As Ezra got off the plane, Eliza at his side, he was far more tired than he should be, given it was a vacation.
"I'm quite sure I never want to leave the country again," He said to his sister as they emerged from the walkway into the main terminal.
"I'm already planning my next trip." Eliza smirked. "Just imagining a warm, sunny beach and delightful foreign men."
"Dear, you're incorrigible." Ezra sighed as he grinned slightly.
"You are not allowed to talk," Eliza accused. "David gave you carte blanche to do whatever you wish, and I know you did what you wished."
"I may have kissed a few blokes, but that hardly puts me anywhere on level with you." He countered, as they headed toward baggage claim. "You were safe, weren't you?"
"Of course I was." Eliza shot him a glare. "But you're only young and fit once, and what's the point in life if you aren't going to allow yourself a little bit of fun now and then?"
Ezra rolled his shoulders. "We have many things in common, but that is where we differ." Ezra replied.
"Because you've never been young or fit?" Eliza grinned cheekily, laughing when Ezra playfully punched her in the arm. "It wasn't as bad as you're thinking." She eased his concern. "Besides, I've been eyeing a particular bloke when I've been in London now and then for work. See him around in the same coffee shop, flirted with him a couple of times. Now he's fit. Delightful. Practically the physical embodiment of sin."
"Well, I wish you luck in your latest pursuit." Ezra said as he half hugged her while waiting with others on the lift.
Eliza said nothing for a time, but he could feel her looking at him.
"How are things with David?" She asked as the lift dinged and they filed on with a few others.
"Well," he replied. Because they were well.
He and David were comfortable, and Ezra was pretty sure that's how they both liked it. They enjoyed one another's company, trading off weekends at each other's flats. It was nothing for them to take their work with them to the other's place for marking. They would quietly work snuggled together, tea always at the ready, kisses stolen from time to time. They'd grab a show or watch a film, sometimes just enjoy a stroll together or dinner out. They'd lose themselves in each other at night, and by Sunday afternoon, not long before tea time, they would part ways for the rest of the week.
They'd agreed they were a couple, but when Ezra parted for the trip with his mother and sister as was planned, it was as though they agreed to put a pause on what was happening between them for the summer.
"Have you heard from mum?" He asked Eliza, a small lump forming in his throat.
"No," She replied. "Though that might be because I listened to her when she said not to worry, or call, and to just enough the rest of the trip she'd already paid for." She countered, glancing up at him. After a moment, she sighed, "That's not to say I didn't worry."
Ezra grabbed her hand, and they gave each other a squeeze before the lift dinged again, and everyone began to file out.
They'd barely gotten five feet away from the lift when Eliza groaned, "Oh no, please tell me you didn't ask him to meet us here."
Ezra frowned, glancing around as they continued to move, and then spotted Gabriel waving at them with a big smile on his face.
"I did not," Ezra replied. "But at least now we don't need to call on a taxi cab."
"I would rather the taxi cab," Eliza said as she tugged him toward the luggage claim, flashing Gabriel a wave and a half-hearted smile. "What should we do about mum, though?" She was asking as they stayed side by side, back turned to Gabriel while waiting for their suitcases.
"Is that a hint that I should move back in with her?" Ezra asked, spotting Eliza's bright pink case and grabbing it for her.
"No," Eliza replied instantly. "Imagine trying to -"
"Not here, please." He interrupted.
"Well… imagine having David over, then, with mum about. No, I just… we know it's back. We all know it. No one will say it, but we do know. So what will happen, what will we do, when we get the confirmation? Go back to having a nurse about?"
"We'll have to," Ezra said as he spotted his tartan case coming down the belt. "Neither of us can exactly quit our jobs, nor would she want that." He paused to collect his case. Once it was set down, the handle extended, he continued. "And while we have our suspicions, we'll just have to wait until we talk to her again to know for sure. It's entirely possible mum just wasn't feeling well in general."
Eliza mumbled something like an agreement as they headed off to where Gabriel eagerly awaited them.
"Sunshine!" He half shouted, and Ezra winced when Eliza visibly cringed. "I'm glad you're back, how was the trip?"
"It was fine, Gabriel." He replied, glancing at Eliza who seemed to be doing her very best not to glare.
"Great, great." Gabriel nodded as he reached for Eliza's bag. She seemed to let it go with great reluctance. "You know, I have to say, I was in London for an interview and I saw David around."
"Did you say hello?" Ezra asked as Gabriel started to lead them toward the car park.
"Uh, no." He said in a gentle way someone would use to break bad news. "See, he was with another man. And, well, it looks like they were on a date."
"Well, it would hardly be fair of me if I didn't allow him to see other people while I was away. Especially since I was given permission to act how I wish."
Eliza hummed dreamily, "Still very, very jealous that tall, dark bloke in Greece swung your way and not mine."
"You… met men while you were away?" Gabriel asked, his voice just a touch too broken to really sound as interested as he tried to.
"I did." Ezra replied as they got to Gabriel's car. "Nothing too salacious happened, of course. I tend to want to know someone before we become familiar in that way."
"What does that say about me?" Eliza asked with a cheeky grin.
"That you're extremely affectionate." Ezra replied without missing a beat, offering a grin. "Now, shall we go back to mums?"
~C~
The night of the party with the former president, months back, just on the cusp of summer had been the start of his fall. Well, maybe not his fall so much as the beginning of his saunter straight down to hell. Okay, perhaps not hell, but it was something very much not good.
Even when it felt the complete opposite.
That night she had followed him, they had gone into his cottage like they had done so many times. But there was no film to go with their wine, which was compounded with the champagne from the party and finding someone else who shared a certain sort of misery. They did act like a pair of teenagers on his sofa, snogging furiously with hands and bodies being insistent over clothes until sounds neither should ever have heard from the other spilled from mouths. When the haze of pleasure and lust had cleared, Harriet straightened her dress and left.
Understandably, they didn't speak for a week, and when they did, it was so she could inform him that the Dowlings would be going back to America for the summer, and he should feel free to stay on the grounds as always.
She met his eye, which was more than Crowley had expected.
When they returned, TJ was sent back to school Thad was somewhere else in the world, and Harriet came around again as if nothing ever happened.
So, Crowley went along with it.
This lasted until near the end of October.
It had been another night like the first, too much liquor, too little common sense, and overwhelming loneliness, except this time hands went under clothes.
Which was why he wasn't at all surprised when mid-November, while the Dowlings should have been getting ready for their Thanksgiving trip but didn't, he found himself stripping Harriet of her clothes as she pulled him toward his bed.
November had been rough the last four years for him as it was. Seeing what was essentially his best friend on his doorstep bawling her eyes out because her husband wasn't able to tear himself away from work didn't make it easier. Thad promised Christmas, of course, but he was just really needed over in China during that time, no one else could swing it. And wasn't it bad for TJ to be pulling him out of school like that when they didn't have Thanksgiving here? Their family understands, it's the life of a diplomat after all.
There wasn't alcohol that time. There should have been. He'd say there was, because there had to be a reason he would have found himself in such a compromising position. Several, actually.
There wasn't alcohol the next time, a few days later when they found themselves conveniently in the greenhouse at night. He might have mentioned needing to tend to something there, and that he would be there within certain hours when they ran into each other on the ground that morning. He wasn't at all surprised when she came to him, or that they didn't leave until well after midnight.
He wished there was alcohol this time, because somehow he was inside the bloody house, which he hadn't been since he was hired over a year ago. Not beyond the kitchens, anyway, when he found himself out of something and found it easier to run up and ask one of the staff for it than arranging a run to the store.
He sat on the edge of the bed, which he was at least relieved to know wasn't the one she had with Thad, the room was too small, plain, and out of the way to belong to anyone who lived in the house proper.
Crowley threw his legs over the side of the bed, standing only long enough to put his trousers back on, then rubbed his hands over his face and felt guilt hit him like a freight train.
"We can't do this," He said to his palms. "I don't know how the fuck we got here, but we can't keep doing this."
Harriet sighed, "You're right." She agreed. "We're…."
"We're playing with fire." Crowley said to her over his shoulder as he dropped his hands in his lap. "Look where we are, Harriet. Look where this has led us." He said gesturing around the room. "My cottage wasn't… but this is worse."
"You can't say it doesn't feel a bit right, though." She said to his surprise. When he gaped at her, panic welling inside him, she shrugged. "I don't love you, AJ. I'm not saying I'm about to leave Thaddeus for you or anything. But, it feels good. And we're so good together. Tell me you've had sex this good before."
Crowley blinked, "Yeah, I have." He replied. "If I'm going to be honest, I've probably had better."
"Hey!" Harriet cried in outrage, though he could see she didn't mean it.
He couldn't help but grin a little. "Well, you're married! Sorta puts a damper on the afterglow when you remember you're no better than your parents. Any of them."
"You're going to talk about your parents now?" She asked, nearly mimicking his eyebrow arch.
"Family of cheaters, the lot of them. Mum, Dad, man who raised me."
"You're not the cheater, you're the mistress." Harriet pointed out.
The smile fell from Crowley's lips. "Don't wanna be the mistress, Harriet. And… what about when he finds out? Because he will find out. These things, when they last, they don't stay hidden. We've been lucky, and luck could run out between now and my cottage. Hell, for all we know, luck already ran out, and we've been caught."
"AJ," Harriet sighed. "He's never here. Time, and time again, he's proven that everything comes before me."
"So leave him." Crowley said as he got to his feet. "Fuck sakes, what is with you smart people sticking with assholes and messing around and not just walking the bloody hell away!?" He pulled at his hair which draped across his chest, feeling the tug in his sculpt.
"I can't leave him, AJ." She said. "I can't. The scandal-"
"And what do you think is going to happen if we were discovered?" He asked her plaintively. "Me? I'm the bloody gardener. I get fired, sent on my merry way, and that's that. Might get some looks, might have people wonder if I was that Crowley, but it's not going to be about me."
Harriet's eyes widened. "Shit." She swore. "Oh, shit! I didn't even… shit! "
Crowley nodded, watching her press her hand to her mouth in absolute horror. Then, he picked up his shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head, pulling his hair out of the collar before straightening it out. He put on his shoes, and paused.
This wasn't going to stop. He knew it wouldn't. They would probably put some distance between themselves for December, made easier by their time away for the holidays. But by January? February? When Thad would be gone for Valentine's day, then her birthday. When TJ was away and the people around them didn't pay so much attention to them? There would be liquor, and the liquor would lead to the bedroom of where ever they were, and the cycle would repeat. Not because he loved her, not because he wanted her, but because he needed her. And not in the way anyone should ever be needed.
"I think…." He said, standing without looking at her. "Expect a letter of resignation when you come back from holiday." He glanced over in time to see Harriet whip her head around to look at him in a panic.
"You're going to quit?"
"You really think this will end if I don't?" He asked with a joyless smile. "We're using each other for the same reasons, Harriet. Staying here isn't going to fix that, at least not for me."
"And what about me?" She asked softly.
He bent down to kiss her forehead.
"I don't know." He said softly. "But you deserve better than this. Me. Him."
He kissed her forehead again, and quite nearly pressed his own to hers before he stopped himself.
Crowley left the room without looking back.
~A~
"Your sister's been in London a lot as of late," Cynthia said as she sat at the table, watching Ezra work on preparing a fairly simple Christmas eve dinner.
She'd been having a good day, and Ezra wanted to keep it that way. The odds, this time, were not on her side. The cancer had spread, and while they caught it before it got too bad, she was older, weaker, and they weren't as positive she would beat it a second time.
"She has been," he agreed. "She got the chance to join David and I for drinks before meeting this man she was seeing a week ago."
"Have you met him?" Cynthia asked.
"Do I ever," He countered with a grin.
"Ezra," She chided.
"No, mum, I didn't meet him. I imagine when she's actually serious about someone again, she will make the introductions."
There was a pause in conversation as he finished peeling the potatoes, rinsing his hands and drying them before checking on the chicken slowly roasting in the oven of the Fell family kitchen.
"And you? Is David serious yet?" She asked as Ezra closed the oven door.
He sighed, turning to face her. "I don't know." He shrugged. "When we're together, we're together. We're not seeing other people right now, and when we got back from our trip, we picked up as if nothing happened. He'd gone on a date or two while we were separated, but he said he didn't care for any of them."
"And does he care about you?" Cynthia asked.
"He and I have an understanding." Ezra replied finally, smiling as his mother frowned. "Don't look at me like that. He calls me his partner, so it's hardly like we're beneficial friends. I just don't know if it's going to go much farther than it has."
"Ezra." Cynthia said gently, patting the spot at the little table in the kitchen, one that was brought in a few years back when the big family table wasn't used enough.
Ezra sat down, turning to his mother, listening.
"Why won't you let yourself be happy?" She asked.
"I am," he defended, but she was shaking her head.
"You're content, you're not happy."
Ezra pondered a moment. "I am content." He agreed. "But I'm not going to ask for more than that. I don't have the patience. I had been happy once, and we know how that ended."
"You could call him." She reminded him.
"It's been years, mum. Years. And… he was the one who walked away. He was the one who ended it. He apologized, and I forgave him, but that doesn't mean he wanted to have things back the way they were. It could have simply meant he didn't want anything hanging over his head. I can understand that."
"They sold the house, you know." She said gently.
"I did know." He said. "I remembered seeing it listed in the papers."
"So why are you still here?" She asked gently.
"Whatever do you mean?" Ezra asked.
Cynthia shook her head, a loving yet exasperated smile on her lips. "Ezra Thomas Fell, do not take me for an idiot. You came back here because you hoped he would, too. You hoped, deep down, that something would bring him back here, and you would see him. You're miserable, none of your friends live here, and you're still only working placement to placement."
"Mum," He started.
"Don't you dare use me as an excuse." She chided gently.
Ezra huffed, crossing his arms, knowing he was caught out.
"Mum, I… I can't, I-" He stopped when he heard the front door open, and the whirlwind of Eliza came in the house.
"Oh, god, what's that smell?" She asked from the entryway, and Ezra and Cynthia exchanged a confused glance before sniffing the air.
"What smell?" Ezra asked his sister with a frown as she came into the kitchen, nose wrinkled.
She took a couple of sniffs, following whatever she was smelling toward the stove. She sniffed around it, then opened the oven just a moment before promptly closing it, covering her mouth. She took a deep breath, then another.
"Right." She said after a moment, composing herself before dropping her hand to her stomach.
"What is wrong with you?" Ezra asked her.
"Oh, right." She said, clearing her throat. She turned to face them, throwing her hands out to the sides. "Happy Christmas, I'm pregnant!"
2014
~C~
"What?" Crowley responded to Harriet's announcement.
He'd expected her to want to talk when they got back from the extended holiday away, but no sooner were the Dowlings back, and TJ sent back to school, was Harriet dragged on a tour of Asia with her husband. She'd been avoiding him for a month now, and since he only had two months left on his contract with the Dowlings, he expected that she would keep avoiding him until then.
He didn't expect her to come knocking on his door with this.
"I'm pregnant." She repeated, her voice wavering a little in spite of the tall, proud stance she'd taken.
"Okay." He said, his brain not fully comprehending what he was being told. His head was slowly nodding like one of those ridiculous dash toys that bobbed in sunlight. "And I'm guessing you're telling me this because you think it's mine, or-or that there's a chance it's mine?"
Harriet gave a sad laugh. "I've only slept with you in the last six months," She said plaintively. "And I'm four months along."
"Four months?!" Crowley cried out, pulling on his ponytail. "Jes-fuck, how!? How did you not know for four months! Or are you just telling me now because, what, I won't talk you into… or out of…. I mean…. What the hell, Harriet?"
"My pill is supposed to take care of my periods!" She snapped back. "I didn't know because I don't get them, and I haven't for a while! I just… felt funny, like… well, like a baby kicking me, I guess, since that's what it was." She sighed heavily, moving for the sofa and sitting down on it. Crowley watched her put her face in her hands and rub at her face a moment before lifting her head and meeting his eye. "There was a recall on my pills which I missed, somehow. All placebos. When we had sex, apparently it was at exactly the right time." She laughed mirthlessly. "We picked the exact week I was ovulating for the first time in forever to have an affair. If that isn't a punishment…."
"I thought women got ill when they were pregnant? Didn't… shouldn't that have tipped you off?"
Harriet shrugged. "I never got sick with TJ, either. I was tired, but hell, it was the holidays with my in-laws. Then all the touring and what not, I just… I didn't realize. Not until I felt the fluttering, and my brain told me that something wasn't right. So I went, and, well."
Crowley sighed, looking around his cottage a moment before spotting the bottle of whiskey on the counter from a few nights ago, when he was having a particularly lonely night. He went over to it, unscrewed the cap, and took a swig. Grimacing at the burn, he set it down and moved to join Harriet on the sofa.
"So, how long do I have to pack my stuff and run before Thaddeus finds me and kills me?" He asked her.
Harriet frowned. "Thaddeus doesn't know. And he's not going to know." She said firmly, and a bit like Crowley was being an idiot.
"How is that going to work?" He asked. "I've… Harriet, you are not a big woman, he's going to notice."
"You didn't notice now." She pointed out, and Crowley ran his eyes over her form, realizing that she didn't look any different. Maybe the jumper was a bit looser than normal, but it wasn't unusual for Harriet to be in leggings and tunics, or in flowing dresses in the winter. When she seemed satisfied he wasn't going to argue the point, she continued. "He's only going to be here for another month, maybe two. And then he's going back to the states for the midterm elections. He's not expected back until September at the earliest, though maybe not until November."
"And you don't think he's going to want-."
Harriet snorted. "He's got someone here named Anne. I found out about her while we were in the US and she sent a very interesting photo to his phone. He's not even going to notice."
For a split second, Crowley was filled with overwhelming rage until he realized he was just another Anne. How could he be mad at Thad for doing what he and Harriet did, even if the length of their affairs differed drastically.
"Right." He said. "So, how are you going to explain another baby?" he asked her.
Harriet sniffled but didn't cry. Her voice was steady as she spoke. "I'm not."
Crowley frowned. "But, four months? You can't after that long, can you?" He asked.
"No, you can't." Harriet replied. "I'm going to give it up. I just thought… I thought you should know. Seemed the right thing to do. I mean, we were friends before, weren't we?"
"Yeah," he agreed, his voice far away as his mind worked faster than his mouth. "Yeah we were friends." He said, looking down at his hands in his lap.
In the quiet, he looked around the cottage, the little place he'd come to be fond of but wasn't really home. Quite possibly the very space that this little miracle or accident happened. His chest ached for some reason he couldn't pinpoint, his arms feeling strangely empty.
There had been a time when the thought of having helped bring a child into the world was foreign. He wasn't going to end up with a woman, or at least a person with a uterus. He was going to end up with one, very specific blonde man. But that dream died almost five years ago now.
And that's when his eyes fell on the bottle of whiskey he'd drank from earlier. It had been that one, particular man who had introduced it to him, and when he was feeling fantastically lonely, Crowley shelled out the money for a bottle of it. The smell and the taste would soothe him in a weird way, giving him a sample of the warmth he'd once felt when in that angel's presence.
That dream, of being with Ezra, of having a life, of just having him in his life was now long dead. He would always be there, in Crowley's heart, taking up more space than he probably should. But, well, what if the rest of that space was taken over by someone else? Someone of a different type of all consuming love? A small part of him hoped it would be so powerful it wouldn't leave room for Ezra Fell, and he was sure a psychiatrist somewhere would have an absolute field day with such musings, but he didn't care.
It may mean not opening the business as soon as he anticipated. The property in London was bought, but he had counted on most of his savings to go toward renovations and stock. He'd need a proper place to live, and things instead, but he was sure it was worth it.
The longer he stared at that bottle, the more certain he was.
"Give it to me." He said to the bottle, then turned to Harriet who looked at him in confusion. "The baby, I want it. Don't give it up, just… give it to me."
"AJ," Harriet began to argue but he lifted a hand.
"No, please, just…. I was technically, partly adopted. He didn't know that, but… there's a chance. I mean, what if it has my eyes? Eh? A baby with a birth defect isn't going to be scooped up. And I mean, mine are a one in way more of a million, but there's a chance that they might be more me than you. And I can't…. I can't think that my kid might be out there with a family that might not love them as much as I will. That might not be as accepting as I will be."
"AJ," Harriet straightened up. "It's not just loving them that matters."
"I have money, Harriet. Not as much as I'd like, and I'm going to have to shuffle things about, but I have enough to cover us at least a while, I think."
"Child care for when you work?"
"My mum." He said, "Or maybe Tony would want to be involved. He's great with me, my siblings, sure he wants grandkids."
"No sleep." She said. "You love sleep."
"I would love my child more." He countered.
"They just eat, and poop, and puke." Harriet reminded him. "And… you would be on your own, I can't… I can't be involved. I don't want to be, honestly. I barely wanted TJ."
"I want them." He repeated. "I want to be a dad to my child. And I know it will be hard, and I will probably regret this decision more than once for a minute, but Harriet, I can't let you give them up if I know I can do this."
Harriet studied him, chewing her lip, and he mouthed a 'please' which seemed to set her mind.
"Alright," She agreed. "When you leave, I'll… text you or something." She said as he put her hand over his belly.
He glanced down, then back at her. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah," She nodded, giving him an uncertain grin. "Kicking."
"Now?" He asked, eyes widening. "Can… would it be weird if I?"
She leaned back. "You might not feel anything." She warned.
Crowley slid off the sofa and got down on his knees in front of her. Gently, he put his hand on her abdomen, waiting.
"Hi." He said, smiling as he felt a nudge on one of palms. "I'm your dad, but you can't tell anyone, alright? Not until you're here. It'll have to be our secret. But, listen. I'm going to fuck up a lot, alright? Don't usually do the good things in my life right, but I'm going to try real hard to do right by you." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "And I can't wait to meet you. It's gonna be a while yet, and I won't be able to talk to you again, or at least often, but just so you know, I'm waiting."
~A~
"These are not instructions! It's a brain teaser." Ezra complained as he knelt on the floor looking between the instructions in his hands and the parts to the crib scattered on the living room floor.
Eliza sat on the couch, frowning at the scene as she rubbed her rather large belly.
"I think you have part D, not B," She said unsurely, pointing at a nearly identical looking piece.
"Why aren't you using the bassinet Deirdre sent you?" Ezra complained, setting down his piece to examine the one Eliza pointed out.
"I'm having a boy! The bassinet is pink, and frilly."
"And he's a baby, he'll never know it was used by a girl. And what does it matter, anyway? It's a place for him to sleep." He smirked, adding, "If you're worried about it affecting his masculinity, remember that mum and dad made my room as manly as possible for a little boy and look how I turned out."
Eliza picked up a throw pillow and tossed it at his head, inciting a giggle.
"It's not what I'm getting at and you fucking well know it, you tosser!" Eliza half yelled. "I just… I don't know, alright! I think I just hate the thing."
"It's a free, uncomplicated bed." Ezra pointed out.
"That he won't fit in forever, so this would need to be done anyway," Eliza countered.
"Fair point," Ezra agreed reluctantly. He went back to trying to figure out the instructions.
There was a long pause filled only with his quiet grumbling and the movement of pieces and turning of pages. He thought she'd fallen asleep until she said, "You know you don't have to be here, right?"
"I do." He nodded, not looking away from the instructions. "But I can't have you doing this alone, not when you don't have to. I think it's brave," he said, now turning to look at Eliza over his shoulder. "I think you deciding to have a baby now, on your own, when you didn't have to, is brave. And you've always been there for me, whenever you could be. It's time I do the same in return."
"Ez, what are you on about? Hardly like I've uprooted my whole life for you ever."
"No," Ezra replied. "But you were always my biggest supporter next to mum. And many single mothers-to-be have their mothers to lean on. You might not be so lucky. But you do have me."
Eliza caressed her bump. "I'm sorry you and David didn't work out because of this, though."
"Oh, we wouldn't have worked out anyway." Ezra replied as he turned back to the instructions. "It's quite difficult for a relationship to go anywhere when one party is still in love with someone else."
"You could have let him go." Eliza said.
Ezra frowned. "I did." He glanced back at her.
"Not David."
"Who do you mean, then?" Ezra asked, much more confused. "He didn't take Richard's engagement to Oscar well, and he realized he was still too deep in love with Richard to make it work with anyone at the moment. So, considering the move here, with you, I ended things for both our sakes."
"I wasn't talking about him, Ez."
He knew that, deep down. Ezra knew she meant Anthony, but, well, how terrible would it be to admit that five years later he was still so wholly attached to someone he hadn't spoken to in all that time? That, while he didn't haunt every thought or every dream, Ezra still couldn't see a head of ginger hair without his heart stuttering.
"I know," Ezra said quietly. "Now, is that part C over there, or is it E?"
"I'm not getting up for anything except a snack or to use the loo, figure it out yourself." She retorted.
"I'm doing this for you!" He said, gesturing at the parts again.
"And my appreciation is coming in the form of curry delivered to our door. So, again, figure it out."
~C~
He was there before she was, which said a lot about how fast he drove from London to the private hospital outside the village near the Dowling Estate.
Crowley had been ready for this, a car seat properly installed in the back seat of his vehicle, a pram in the trunk, more nappies in various sizes than he thought he would need packed in his overnight bag, along with bottles and formula. He was ready. Scared, nervous, excited, not sure what to expect, but ready.
Telling his parents he got a girl pregnant, all of them, had been about as easy as he would have expected, given that he couldn't say anything about her. He simply told James and Erica that there had been a girl he'd met when away who got pregnant and couldn't keep it. And that he had decided to step up and raise his child, so expect a grandbaby around.
Erica had been less than thrilled. James smacked him on the back and called him a man, a real man. Just make sure to get him a copy of the paternity test, and he'd be happy. Which was convenient since Harriet asked for a prenatal one done to prove Crowley was the dad and could have the baby right from birth, no need for her to be involved afterward.
He waited outside the hospital doors, because how could he explain to the hospital staff that he was the expectant father, but the mother wasn't quite there yet. He waited for quite a while, or at least it seemed, before a singular black vehicle with tinted windows rolled up.
A singular man in black came out and opened the doors to the back of the vehicle.
"Thanks Lock," Harriet said as he helped her out of the vehicle.
Crowley rushed to her side, having had a wheelchair ready for when she got there. He and the agent helped Harriet into the chair.
"Surprised you're here already." She said with a shaky grin. "It's one in the morning after all."
"You said you were in labor, I came." Crowley said firmly, turning the chair around and wheeling Harriet inside. "What did you say?" He asked, glancing down at her, seeing she was round but still oddly petite.
"Spa weekend." She said, breathing a bit uneven. "Only two people beside you that know what's really happening is Warlock and Carol," She said, gesturing to the man trailing behind them. "Carol was our driver. She's parking."
"Thank you, Lock." Crowley said to the man over his shoulder, bringing Harriet up to the lift. "We go right up to maternity, right?" He asked.
"Yeah," She grimaced.
"Right," He said, starting to feel like he needed to breath himself. "How far along do you wager you are? Like, how many centimeters and all that." Harriet craned her head around and looked at him perplexed. "I read every book, I went to a class on all this stuff. Was… a bit weird, not having a mum with me. But there was this really nice woman there whose partner is overseas, was willing to let me kinda work with her for some things."
"You… you went to classes?" Harriet asked as the doors to the lift opened and he wheeled her in, Lock following closely.
"Course I went to classes," Crowley scowled. "Not going to go into all this not knowing anything. You mad?"
Harriet barked out an incredulous laugh. "I just might be heading there, and they haven't even given me the drugs yet."
The lift doors dinged, and Lock went ahead of them, straight to the desk. After a quick, whispered conversation, the nurse nodded, and led them to the very end of the hall where Crowley would assume they would have the most privacy.
~A~
"Make him leave and I will strangle you with my IV!" Eliza yelled at the well meaning nurse as he attempted to escort Ezra out of the delivery room just before lunch time on August twelfth.
And while a very large part of Ezra desperately wanted to run from the room as quickly as he could, he also understood Eliza's desperation.
This wasn't going at all like she'd planned.
For one, their mother wasn't with them. Cynthia was meant to be with Eliza when she went into labor, but had been feeling quite unwell the days before, and hadn't been able to make the trip to Tadfield in anticipation of Eliza's due date. Which, of course, was supposed to the seventeenth. It appeared the newest Fell would have none of that waiting nonsense.
For another, should Cynthia not have been able to make it, Deirdre would have. But her daughter was ill, as was Arthur, and there really wasn't anyway for her to come.
Which meant Ezra, who had planned to wait patiently in the hallway or the waiting room, had to be Eliza's support. He'd have finger shaped bruises on his hands, and perhaps a bit of trauma, but he wouldn't abandon his sister. At least, he hadn't planned to until she was in the pushing stages of labor, which she'd just gotten to, and then he was going to leave as politely as he could so the trauma wouldn't increase.
Eliza had other plans.
"Liza," The nurse said gently, taking his hands off Ezra and going to Eliza's side. "This part most husbands or partners get squeamish over. I'm pretty sure your brother wouldn't want to see the rest of this."
Eliza huffed. "Look, you seem like you're a nice bloke. And quite frankly, you're just Ezra's type, so I'm pretty sure you having your hands on him wasn't troubling him at all."
Ezra looked to the ceiling as he turned a very deep shade of red, rivaling that of the laboring mother in the bed. Because, of course, she was absolutely right.. The nurse was his type, made worse by the fact that there was an auburn tint to his hair.
"But," Eliza continued. "He is the only person who's here with me, and I am very, very scared. So, you're going to let him stay, and he will stay because he knows what I will do to him if he doesn't, and then after this is all done, if he doesn't faint, or pass out, our sick all over your shoes, you can ask him out to dinner and I'm positive he will say yes." She groaned. "Might even let you manhandle him again, if you're lucky. Least he doesn't have to worry about ending up here."
The nurse tugged Ezra aside, while a second one came over to Eliza.
"Listen, mate, this is going to be rough. They say childbirth is beautiful, but it's not."
"I know," Ezra assured him. "And I hadn't planned on being here, but she's right. She has no one else."
"Well," The nurse said. "Brace yourself, then."
"This seems a lot less scary somehow," Eliza said as she laid on the table, looking up at Ezra with a shaky grin.
He stroked her hair through her scrub cap, held her hand with the other. Too many hours pushing, they said, with and she wasn't progressing. The baby could be in distress, and there may be danger to her as well, so off to the operating room they went.
"It's still major surgery, Liza," He reminded her.
"Yeah, well, you try to push something the size of a melon out of your body for hours with no progress, and tell me what's less scary." She replied, her eyes darting to the drape shielding her body from the neck down from view. "You can't see anything, can you?"
"I'm not going to even humor you a little by pretending to check." He replied, getting her grin to become more true. "I'm good right here. You just worry about getting through this."
Eliza nodded slowly, blinking. "You know you'll be their godfather, right?" She said to him, drowning out the murmur of doctors and nurses. "If something were to ever happen to me-"
"It won't," He said firmly.
"Yeah, but if it does, you're going to take them. I want the baby to go to you."
Ezra's eyes began to sting. "Well," he said, pausing to clear his throat. "It's a very good thing, then, that nothing will happen to you, and I will just be the favorite uncle."
"The only uncle." She reminded.
"Only for now." He chided. "You'll meet someone someday, and your little one will have more family than just you, me, and mum. And the one you meet may have a brother, or a married sister, and I will still remain the favorite uncle."
"Alright, here we are," the Doctor said, and a moment later, after a suctioning sound, there was a sharp, loud cry. Ezra glanced up as Eliza looked away, and a messy, angry looking little human was lifted up just high enough to be shown to his mother before being cleaned up.
Eliza instantly burst into happy giggles. "Oh, did you see him!" She asked, the nurse from earlier adjusting her gown to allow enough skin for the baby to be placed against her. A moment later, the baby was brought around, cord clipped, and placed on her chest. Eliza let go of Ezra's hand to properly hold her son against her. "Oh, he's perfect." She said over the baby's continued cries. "Oh my, look at you, little love. Ezra, look at my boy."
"He's beautiful," he assured her. "Absolutely perfect. I'm so proud of you, and him." Ezra said, kissing Eliza's hair line quickly before looking at his nephew. "Did you ever pick a name for him? I know you ran the gauntlet for girls' names, but I barely recall you choosing one for a boy."
"Adam," She said decisively. "Deirdre was going to use the name if she had a boy, and I sorta loved it. Asked if it would be alright, since it seemed Sarah would be a one and only child. So, Adam."
"Adam what?" He asked. "I can't possibly imagine you didn't think of a middle name."
"Dad," She said. "Adam Thomas for dad."
Ezra actually felt more teared up at that than anything. "Well, then." He said as he reached a hand out and stroked his nephew's soft, downy hair. "Welcome to the world, Adam Thomas."
~C~
"One more push," The nurse coached, and Crowley's heart pounded as Harriet gave a warrior's cry and nearly crushed his hand. Seconds later, a cry broke through the room, and Harriet collapsed.
"It's a boy!" The Doctor announced, and Crowley burst into a teary laugh, unthinkingly kissing Harriet on the forehead.
"Do you want to cut the cord, dad?" The nurse asked.
He couldn't respond, so he just nodded, taking the surgical scissors and following the instructions given to him by the medical professionals. With the exception of that moment, he couldn't peel his eyes away from that small, little wonder. He watched as he was cleaned, and weighed, and measured. Diapered, and wrapped loosely in a blanket.
"Alright, mum," one of the other nurses said. "Are you ready for him."
"No," Harriet said quickly. "No, he's going to go to AJ."
The second nurse frowned, and Crowley caught the sad flicker in the first nurse, Harriet's nurse's eyes before she turned to Crowley with a smile. "Shirt off, Mr Crowley."
He chuckled, unbuttoning his black oxford with shaky hands. When his chest was exposed, the first nurse gently handed over the baby with a reminder to mind the head. With reverence, Crowley took his son with both hands and placed him against the skin of his chest.
"Hello my little one. Remember me?" He said softly, smiling wider as the baby began to calm. "Yeah, I'm dad. I'm dad." He cooed, glancing at the nurses.
The first was whispering to the second, and the second was glancing at Harriet like she was committing some sort of crime. The first nurse seemed to grow stern, and the second one nodded, leaving the room.
"Can I see him?" Harriet asked.
Crowley glanced up at her before looking down at the now calm boy in his arms, and nodded. He moved to the bed, turning himself so Harriet could see the baby.
"He's beautiful." She said softly.
"He is." Crowley agreed. "And the lucky bugger doesn't seem to have my eyes, so he's already got it a little better than me." He looked down at his son, bouncing lightly.
Harriet watched them for a long moment before she asked, "Can I name him?" She met Crowley's eye, smiling sheepishly. "I never got to name TJ, it was sort've already picked out for me. So, I kinda wondered if maybe… maybe I could name him?"
Crowley looked down at his son again, then back at Harriet. "Yeah," he said without hesitation. "Yeah, you can name him."
Harriet smiled, looking at the baby again.
"Do you want to hold him?" Crowley asked, and she shook her head. "You're sure?" Harriet nodded, and he let it go.
He'd taken baby Crowley out for a stroll around the hospital's maternity wing. Harriet had asked for some time to herself, probably to shower in that tiny little bathroom as best one can, and Crowley wanted to give her all the space she needed.
It was beginning to feel weird, anyway. Like a strange sort of intimacy that wasn't really there but filled the room. On the outside, they could have looked like any couple, really. Crowley slept on a pull-out chair in Harriet's room, the baby in the hospital bassinet nearby. They didn't ignore each other, and there were smiles and chuckles over the baby like there was with any newborn and new parents. But they never touched, Harriet never held the baby or helped with him, and only one nurse was ever allowed in.
"You getting a bit nibbly, there, little one?" Crowley said to his son as he began to fuss. "Yeah, I think you're getting a bit hungry. Let's head back to the room for a nice bottle, huh? Nice bottle and then maybe you can spit up a bit in daddy's hair again? Should probably cut it all off, shouldn't I? Didn't think of that, no I didn't." He continued his nonsensical musings as he returned to the room.
He went to the bag he had brought up from the car the night before, and grabbed one of the pre-made bottles purchased from the chemist in anticipation for the lack of space in the hospital room. He set the baby down in the bassinet to have two hands free to replace the screw-cap with the nipple, and then set it on the tray table for the bed before he scooped the baby back up.
He did a double take when he noticed the paper there. A registration form for the baby's birth, sitting neatly in the middle with a lot of it left blank.
Frowning, Crowley picked up his son and then sat on the bed, glancing at the closed bathroom door, and hoping Harriet wouldn't mind. First he got himself settled with the baby, making sure the ravenous little man was sucking away before he picked up the form and looked it over.
The first thing he noticed was Harriet lied on the form. His son would forever be linked to a Jane Harriet Smith as his mother. It couldn't be legal, but what could he possibly say? His name had been filled in full and proper, the details of his address left blank, but his phone number wasn't. His son's date and time of birth were recorded, and she'd signed the parts she would have needed to with J.H. Smith.
Crowley, for just a moment, went to call for her when he sensed someone in the doorway. He looked up to see Harriet's nurse looking at him with a sympathetic smile.
"She left." He realized. "While I was out with the baby, she left."
The nurse nodded. "She and I, we had it arranged. I was being paid a bit overtime to make sure I was in charge of her care, and as soon as she was able to leave, she wanted to make sure she could." The nurse shrugged. "You just made it a bit easier for her, Mr Crowley."
"AJ's fine," he said, looking down at his son, then back at the paper. "Warlock?" He asked incredulously. He looked down at the baby, "She named you Warlock."
"It was the name of the agent who came in with her. I think it was probably his last name, but," The nurse shrugged again. "Might not be so bad."
"Warlock Crowley, sounds like I'm raising the bloody Antichrist." He said, and the nurse laughed.
"Well, she didn't give him a middle name, maybe you could pick one you like, and call him that."
"No, he… I was named after my biological dad. I got to have a piece of him when I didn't get to know him. This is a little bit of her, in her own way, I can't change that."
"You could call him Lock for short."
"Now that's not terrible." Crowley agreed, smirking before looking down at his boy. "Still, needs a bit of good in there, doesn't it? Balance out the evil-sounding-ness of it all. Need the name of an angel, I think. Huh? What do say, Warlock Ezra Crowley?"
"Ezra?" The nurse repeated, confused. "I don't think there were any angel's called Ezra. Maybe Aziraphale, but I can't be sure."
"No, Ezra's my own, personal angel." Crowley said, looking up at the nurse shyly. "One person in my life who made things better. I'd like to think he'd be proud, my son having his name."
"I'm sorry," The nurse said, "he sounds like he meant a lot to you."
"Yeah," Crowley said, nodding. When Warlock seemed finished, he got up, getting the baby blanket off the chair, and putting it over his shoulder. Moving his hair off to the other side before putting Warlock up on his shoulder, he looked at the nurse. "She really left already, without a goodbye?" He asked as he began to burp the baby.
"Afraid so," the nurse replied. "But we can't release Warlock until tomorrow, so you're obviously welcome to stay. We'll give you any help you need."
Crowley nodded, "thanks." He said, smiling at the nurse before she turned and left. "Just you and me, Lock." He said to the baby, placing an absent kiss on his head. "Just you and me."