Chapter 24
After walking for twenty minutes, I started to regret it so much. Why did I have to be so quick to act? I should have asked someone I know to take me home. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. It's Dimitri. I decline his call and dial Lissa's number.
"Where are you?" She asks as soon as she picks up. I want to curse myself for ruining her belated birthday party.
"I just needed fresh air. Tell Dimitri I am fine and I just want to be alone."
"Okay, but where… yeah it is her. She is fine." She must be talking to Dimitri. I'm surprised he didn't see me walking out of the house.
"Where are you Rose?" She asks much softer, like she doesn't want someone to hear.
"I'm just walking outside. I'll start heading back now. Don't wait for me." I turn around and start my hobble/crutch-slipping/hopping walk back to Tasha's house. I didn't get that far and if I hurry up, I could be back in ten minutes.
"Dimitri is worried sick. Mason is still out there. Hang on Rose. Dimitri went to the kitchen Tasha." I hear Tasha say thanks in the background and feel my anger starting again.
"You know what, I'm feeling faint. I'll order an uber and just go home. Please don't worry about me. Enjoy your party and say hi to Meredith for me, I saw you talking to her earlier." I hang up the phone before she can say anything else. The uber app lets me know that my uber will be with me in five minutes.
Rose. Where are you? I will come and get you and take you home. ~D
Dimitri's text pops up on my phone. I'm just digging a hole for myself here. I know in my heart that I should just talk to him but my brain is stubborn and won't let me just go back to the party.
I need some time. Please enjoy the party. I'm heading home. ~R
A blue Honda pulls up in front of me. The license plate matches with the uber app.
"Ms. Mazur?" The driver asks. I nod my head and he get out to help me into the car. My phone rings again with Dimitri's number flashing on the screen.
"Dimitri please. I just need some alone time." I say before he can say anything.
"What happened?" He asks. I wish I can just tell him now but I don't want this conversation over the phone. When I'm ready we will sit down and talk about this like adults.
"Nothing, just respect my wishes." I hang up the phone and lean back into the seat. Why do I make things so difficult for myself? The driver helps me out of the car when we reach my destination. I thank him and hobble to the front door. I ring the doorbell and wait for my mother or father to open up.
"Kızım, what are you doing here? Come in." My father walks next to me and holds his hand behind me in case I fall. We go to the living room where my mother is playing with Rosalie.
"Rose, what a surprise." My mother says as I plop down next to her. I rest my cast on the coffee table and lay back on the back rest.
"Yeah, I wasn't in the mood to party. Can I have her?" My mother hands Rosalie over to me and I cradle her to my chest.
"I was just about to put her down for a nap." My mother said as Rosalie gives a big yawn. I rock her slightly against my chest.
"Did you talk with Dimitri?" She asks. I shake my head.
"No, but I did hear Tasha saying how she is planning to move in on him. I don't know. I'm just so conflicted." I say. Why are things so hard? I feel like I'm spinning out of control and no one can stop me.
"Oh honey. I'm telling you that talking to him will be the best thing for you." My mother tells me. I look down at Rosalie to see her fast asleep. Things are so easy when you are a baby.
"Or, I can just shoot him." My father says as he sits on the other side of me. I laugh as I picture my father running after Dimitri with a shot gun. It's like Dimitri is Bugs-Bunny and my father is Elmer Fudd.
"Can I just rest my eyes for a bit?" I ask my mother. She nods her head and slowly I fall asleep with Rosalie snug in my arms. My life has changed so much in one year. I'm not the spontaneous, badass girl that would do anything to have fun and would protect my family without even blinking an eye. Now I am always scared and I'm worried and I overthink everything. Back then I would confront Dimitri right there and then about the starring. I would have marched right up to Tasha and set her straight. I would have probably snogged Dimitri right in front of her. I have become so weak. I need to pick up my big girl panties and cowboy up. When I see Dimitri again, I will speak to him. I will tell him what I was feeling when he stared at me and I will tell him about Tasha. Everything will be out in the open. I need it to be.
"Roza, wake up." I open my eyes to see Dimitri leaning over me. I stretch out and sit up a bit straighter.
"What are you doing here?" I ask him. He sits down next to me.
"I waited thirty long minutes and then I went home but you weren't there. I got scared and then called your father to find out that you came here." I turn my body slightly to look at him better.
"Yeah. I told you I'm going home." I say. Dimitri looks extremely sad for a second and then he buries the emotion. Dimitri always does that. He never lets anyone see his emotions. He lets me every now and then but then it is just a second like now.
"What is wrong?" I ask. We need to start being open and honest with each other for this to work.
"I just thought you meant our place is home." I look down at my hands in my lap.
"I wanted to go there but I just didn't want to be completely alone. So, I came here." I say. Dimitri takes one of my hands in his.
"What happened Roza? We were fine before the shower and now, you don't want me to be in the same room as you." I look Dimitri in his eyes. He is so open for me now. He wants to know how I feel and I will tell him.
"You were staring at my scars like they were physically hurting you. I can't change them Dimitri, not now." I feel tears pool in my eyes. Dimitri puts his hand on my cheek and rubs his thumb under my eyes.
"They are not. Do you want to know what I was thinking while I was looking at your scars?" Dimitri asks and I nod my head.
"I was thinking that you are such a strong woman. You have been through so much and you are still standing. I'm in awe of you. I love you so, so much. I wasn't staring, I was admiring." I pull Dimitri closer and give him a big wet kiss on his lips. He laughs and then reciprocates my kiss. He kisses my face all over making me laugh even harder.
"Can you take me home?" I ask him. His eyes light up and he nods his head. He helps me up and I hobble to the front door.
"Where is my parents?" I ask.
"They took Rosalie for a walk." I climb into my car and wait for him to start driving.
"There is another thing that bothered me. Tasha has the hots for you." I say. Dimitri starts to laugh a deep throaty laugh, like what I said is totally ridiculous.
"I'm serious. She was talking to one of her friends and she said that she wants to make a move on you." I know I may sound super jealous but let's face it. I am. She is beautiful and she has known him forever and she has slept with him. She knows him in a much more intimate way than I do even though we explore each other.
"I'm sure you misheard her. I feel nothing for Tasha. She is an old friend." I look at him. He keeps his eyes on the road but his smile is still on his face.
"You mean she is your ex-lover. I heard about her taking your virginity to." The smile disappears from his face and his eyes stretch a bit wider than normal. So, it is true.
"That was a long time ago. And I don't see how that matters now." I cross my arms over my chest and huff. How can he not see that it matters?
"Dimitri, she is so beautiful and I can't hold a candle…"
"Okay I am going to stop you right there, Rose." Dimitri interrupts me.
"I love you, okay. I want to be with you. I want to wake up every morning right next to you and fall asleep with you in my arms. That is the end of this Tasha conversation." I purse my lips together to not say anything. I love his rough side where he tells me what is happening and that I can't do anything about it. He will never overstep it but he knows exactly when to use it.
"Okay. I accept that." I say and put my hand on Dimitri's thigh. He parks the car in a spot close to the entrance and helps me inside.
"What do you want to do now?" Dimitri asks me as he situates me on the bed.
"I want you." I say and motion him over to me.
"Rose, I don't want to hurt your leg again." Dimitri says.
"I just want you to hold me that is all." Dimitri climbs into the bed next to me and wraps his arms around me. I'm glad we laid all our cards on the table and that we are good again.
Xxx
"I'm really impressed with how it healed. If you can walk on it properly then I don't think you need any physical therapy." The doctor says as she examines my leg. I got the cast cut off today. I stand up with the doctor's help and take a few steps before she lets me go. I walk to the far wall and back. The pain in my leg is long gone and I feel great.
"That is excellent Rose. Let me just get your papers and then you can go home." I thank the doctor as she walks out.
"I'm so glad everything is going good with you Rose." Lissa says. She had to drive me to the hospital today because Dimitri had a class he couldn't move. She still hasn't told Christian about the tiny human growing in her belly. She is about two months now and I can see her tummy getting bigger.
"Me too. When are you going to tell Christian?" I ask.
"Tonight, I just wanted to make sure everything was fine with the baby. I had an appointment yesterday and everything is good. The doctor said that baby is looking a bit bigger than it should at two months, but that just means that I will have a big baby." Lissa rubs her hand over her stomach lovingly.
"Good because hiding that bump is going to become very hard as time goes by." The doctor brings in the papers I need to sign and then Lissa and I head out again.
"What do you think about boudoir photography?" Lissa asks me. I have never really thought about it. Taking pictures of semi-naked woman is not my idea of fun and I'm not sure I would be able to pose for such pictures.
"Why?" I ask. I could probably get through a session if a client really wanted it but my studio is not equipped for such shoots.
"I booked you a session." She says. I look at her to see that she is dead serious.
"Who is the client and where are we going to do it?" I ask.
"You are the client and we are going to Beauty is Me." My eyes nearly pop out of my head. She wants me to do a boudoir shoot as a client. What is she thinking?
"Lissa…"
"Rose, it's not what you think it is. Boudoir helps you to see the beauty in your own body. Please just try it with an open mind." I let out a sigh. I have a hard time of telling Lissa no and when she tries to do something sweet for me, I can hardly dismiss her.
"Fine. When is it?" I ask.
"Right now. Don't worry about anything, they do everything you need." I face palm myself. I just wanted to go home and lay on the couch and watch Friends. This is my last day of recovery, from tomorrow I will be back at work and there will be no me time. Well, I've had enough me time to last a lifetime but I wanted Dimitri time. I am finally ready and I was planning on doing it tonight. Lissa walks close to my side as we head into the studio for the shoot. She is there just in case my leg decides to screw up and fail me.
"Hello, my name is Alberta." A short woman greets us by the door. I would say she is in her early fifties. Her sandy hair is greying in some places but it looks super good, like it was meant to be like that. It probably was. She looks fierce, like she would move mountains for the ones she loves.
"Hey, I'm Lissa and this is Rose. She will be the client today." Lissa pushes me forward. I shake hands with Alberta and we follow her through some door to a very nice and very big bedroom.
"You can go through that door to get changed later and we will do your hair and make-up in that chair." Alberta points to a director's chair in the corner by a very packed desk. I just follow everything Alberta says. I have no experience with this whatso ever and I'm not going to act like I know what to do. Her make-up artist does a nice natural look for me and she leaves my hair down and curly. I head to the changing rooms with Lissa to pick out an outfit. It's mostly lingerie.
"How do you pose in these things and still look presentable?" I ask Lissa as I hold up a black lace corset.
"You are not going to hang these pictures on your wall for the whole world to see. Just pick one and we will go from there." There are three options. The black corset thing, a white bra and panty covered in lace and a red tight silk crop top and panties. I choose the white underwear set. It will cover the most and it is very pretty against my tanned skin. I put the silk robe on and head back to the bedroom.
"Okay, we want to get comfortable first. So, as soon as you are ready, just drop the robe and we will start." Alberta says. She has a very open and homey feel to her, like you can trust her with anything. I take a deep breath in and let the robe fall from my shoulders. Alberta doesn't stare at my scars or comments about how my body look. She just smiles and points to the bed.
"I want you to sit on the bed on your knees and sit back so that your butt is on your heels and then look to the window while running your fingers down the scar on your arm." I do as she says. At first it feels awkward and my poses are stiff and robotic but as we go on and Alberta makes jokes and we laugh, everything feels more natural and comfortable.
"Now take this begonia and lay on your back. Mary, will you do the white feathers for me?" I do as she says and lay down. Mary, the lady that did my make-up and hair, stands on the bed with a bag of white feathers.
"Run the flower slowly along the scar between your breasts. Mary will lightly shower you with the feathers." The feathers tickle my face and body making me giggle. Alberta snaps about ten shots and then she orders Mary to stop.
"Look straight into the camera now Rose." As I look into the camera, I realize that I'm completely vulnerable to them now. I'm laying here half naked, letting them take pictures of me. It's odd because even though that realization came to my mind, I didn't feel ashamed of how I look. I'm beautiful and I know that when I get these pictures, I will only see amazing shots.
"Wonderful Rose, you did so well. These pictures are going to be amazing. You can go and get dressed now. Feel free to take any of the lingerie." I keep the white set I had on for the shoot and take the black corset set. I may not have wanted it for the shoot but I know Dimitri will like it.
"Thank you, Liss. You were right, that was about feeling beautiful and not anything else." I hug her as I come out of the dressing room. Lissa has tears in her eyes.
"I'm so glad you feel that way. It was a gamble; you could have come out here and hate me for making you do that." We walk to Alberta with our arms linked together.
"Alright ladies. That was a great session. I will have the photos for you in about one week. Lissa says that you have your own studio?" Alberta asks me. I nod my head.
"If you ever want to start boudoir shoots, I'll be happy to help you out. Just give me a call if you are interested." I take the card from Alberta's hand and thank her and Mary for the amazing shoot. Lissa drops me off at the training center, also referred to as home now, after a nice lunch. I see Dimitri and Tasha standing by the reception area. I need to make sure she knows that I mean business when it comes to Dimitri. I will fight for him until I am breathless, maybe even then as well.
"Hey guys." I say as I walk towards them. I give Dimitri a big kiss on his lips and whisper to him, not so softly might I add.
"I have some lingerie to show you later." Dimitri's eyes stretch open wide and a slight blush creeps up his face.
"Hope you had a fun class Tasha." I wave at her and go up the stairs before any of them could say anything. Rose one, Tasha zero.
You go girl! Rose is starting to accept herself and being more like the Rose we know and love. What did you think of this chapter?