Chapter 23

New York...

Webslinging was usually one of the things that could help Peter clear his head but ever since he lost Kitty nothing could clear his head. Nothing could make him feel better. Nothing could heal his broken heart.

It had been 2 weeks but for Peter it had felt like an eternity. He can barely remember the last time he hadn't held Kitty in his arms for 2 days, let alone 2 weeks.

He was craving her. Craving her company, her voice, her laugh, the feel of her petite frame against his and it had always seemed to him that they fitted together so naturally.

Craving their little joky competitions about whose the bigger geek. It's him, by the way, just in case you couldn't guess.

He loved her. Even more intensely than he thought he did. Being without her is like a living hell.

And for anyone who had encountered Spider-Man the result of this enforced separation was obvious. He didn't joke. He didn't talk. He just showed up, webbed up the morons and left.

Peter did it because he didn't know what else to do. If he just sat around doing nothing he would go absolutely insane because all he could think about was her. He kept replaying it over and over again in his head, trying to work out some way he could have done it differently. Work out some way he could have reached her under all that psychotic goop. He almost did. He was sure he almost reached her but they got interrupted.

Parker luck. It's always the same.

There's been absolutely no sign of her. Nor a trail of corpses or missing people...which is a good thing by the way. Her not embarking on a killing spree is a sign not all is lost.

Spider-Man comes to land on the ledge where his good buddy, Bruce the stone Gargoyle lives. "Hiya Bruce," he greets the inert statue. "Don't suppose you've got any insight into what I do do ya?"

Nope.

Nothing.

Spider-Man rubs his face, trying not to cry. He's done plenty of that these last 2 weeks. The most he's cried since he lost Uncle Ben.

"Hello, Pete."

Spider-Man's head shoots to his right and there, on the other side of Bruce is, "Kitty!" he cries for joy. He's about to leap over to her but is stopped by a raised hand and a shake of her head. He then takes in her appearance. She isn't...well Carnage. Not in the traditional monstrous appearance. She's in a long red trench coat, black top and pants and boots. From his experience with Venom Peter knows the symbiote can imitate normal clothes. There also seems something...different about her. Less of the chaotic mad energy. Something more restrained and controlled.

"We're sorry We left you. We needed time to think," she says, in her own soft voice and not the double voice of Carnage. "You gave us some things to think about. You were right before. Last time We didn't speak like this but..." she shakes her head. "We've been trying to think on how to make you understand."

"Understand what, Kitty?"

She sighs. "Will you please stop calling us that," she complains. "We're not Kitty," she protests the use of that name.

"You are Kitty," he argues back. "I don't care what that thing possessing you is trying to pretend I know you're in there."

She rubs her head as if trying to assuage a headache. "See, this is exactly what We want to make you understand. Everyone has got it wrong. Even Kitty was in denial for a long time."

"Denial about what?"

"Look, We want you to let us talk," she requests. "No fighting. No attempting to capture us. If you still love us just listen, please."

"Of course I love you," he says, his voice overflowing with emotion. "Nothing can make me stop."

She smiles. "We're glad to hear you say that," she says, relief in her voice. "We love you too."

Peter's heart swells a little. At least, as twisted as it might be, she still loves him. He peels off his mask so she can see his face. He is rather dishevelled looking, understandably. "Ok. I'll listen. I promise," he says because if he wants to save her he needs to understand her. Needs to understand who she is right now. What motivates her. What she is planning to do.

She nods. "So...after We were born the first time and then made to 'go away'," she says with what sounds like burning anger under the surface at being made to 'go away'. "Everyone thinks, you included, that Kitty was traumatised by the 'horrors' of our mind. Even Kitty tried to claim the same but she was in denial. The trauma, if you want to call it that, wasn't her revulsion of us."

"Then what was it?"

"The 'trauma' was caused by how drawn she was to our so-called darkness. How much she actually enjoyed it. Revelled in it. It was the shock of revelation as her true nature was revealed to her."

Peter shakes his head. "I can't believe that," he says because he knows Kitty. She was so sweet and kind. She would never find any pleasure in the things Carnage does.

"Kitty was in denial too, for the same reason. Because this world tries to impose a set of rules that we are all suppose to live by but what makes their rules, their so-called moral and ethics the correct ones, hmm? Here's a revelation. Nothing makes their rules correct. That is what Kitty had been becoming to realise, to accept, admittedly slowly and when Kraven stabbed us, as We stood on the brink of death, she also realised she had no more time to live with her denials any longer. She came to understand and accept the truth."

"What truth?"

"That the symbiote was not some foreign invader trying to take her over. It was the other half of her soul and all those 'dark' impulses were not something that came from without but came from within."

"You cannot expect me to believe that. Kitty...you don't have darkness like that."

"We all have what some might classify as darkness. Are you going to deny it, Pete? Or do We have to remind you of that which you have confessed? What impulses made you wrestle in that underground fight club? What impulses made you let that thief get away? What impulses made you almost kill him? You said it yourself that it was only your Uncle's words that stopped you."

Peter closes her eyes as the pain of those memories well up inside him. Worse still is she's not wrong. He was shallow and selfish and greed had a part as well. When he let that thief go past him to spite the owner who stiffed him on money...he'll admit he felt pretty good about it at that exact moment. Probably even smiled a bit but at what cost? A point he makes to her. "And what is the cost to you, to your soul, of embracing this darkness, Kitty? Do you even know?"

She makes a face at him. "And what cost was it to us when you ripped us in half?!" she snaps, her voice taking on Carnage's echo, showing she is still angry as hell over that. She takes a moment to collect herself again and her voice returns to just Kitty's. "Because that's what happened before when We were forced to 'go away'. For months Kitty was grappling with, groping around in the dark, trying to understand why she felt so empty and hollow inside. She came to understand it was because half her soul had been torn away and what you want, what our friends want, is to put her back in that state. You claim to love us yet want us to live as only half a person?!" her anger burns through again.

"This is not you!" Peter snaps back, gesturing at her. "I know!"

"Oh really?" she says sceptically. "Why? Because of Venom?" She grins savagely. "Just to remind you, sweetheart, you admitted to us that you miss the old man and he never really completely bonded with you. Now take that feeling and multiple by it by infinity and you come nowhere close to what it felt like for us to be ripped in two!" she snarls, her anger breaking through every time she is forced to remember it.

Peter looks at her, struggling with his emotions. Part of him wants to feel sympathy, sorrow for her pain but then he remembers that this is not Kitty. Not really.

She takes a few moments reining in her emotions before speaking again. "In the end Kitty accepted this to be true. That they only way she could find peace was to reunite her soul. You probably think that the symbiote took her over against her will. Nothing could be further from the truth. The opposite in fact. Kitty opened the door of her own free will. Kitty initiated the rejoining of Our soul. Kitty had come to understand that what she was before was only half a person and that this is her true, whole form. You said We were different. That is why. Kitty wasn't ready or prepared last time. She couldn't understand what was happening. It was all too much, too fast, too overwhelming. It left Our two halves out of sync with each other. That's what We've come to understand over the last couple of weeks."

Peter is at a loss for words. Her face is so earnest, so open, so honest as she speaks what is her heart's truth. Next thing he knows she is there, face to face with him, her hands against the wall, her arms bracketing him in, their bodies virtually touching on the narrow ledge and it takes all his self-control not to just grab her and kiss her and do all the things his body has been aching for, for 2 long weeks. He looks deep into her blue eyes with her pupils red instead of black and it's similar to what he noticed earlier about the different aura of energy. There is not the same glint of chaotic madness that he's seen before. It's...something else. Something new. What, he doesn't know but there is a definite difference to last time. Perhaps she has simply had time to clam down.

"We love you," she says, breathy. "But you need to understand and accept the same truth Kitty did. That this is who We truly are. We are not Kitty with a symbiote added on. We are one and the same. We are Carnage...and there is no turning back. No undoing this. This you must understand and accept. We love you. We want to be with you but you must be able to love us as We are now. If all you can love is half of us..." she shakes her head as if trying to push that horrid thought away. "You would never accept someone only loving half of you, would you?"

She has no idea how much an impact those words make because it makes Peter flashback to Felicia. She loved the Spider-Man part of him. The Peter Parker side not so much. He had hooked up with her under the influence of Venom but after he separated himself from the symbiote and she got to meet the real him she was no longer interested. The real him was not 'exciting' enough or something. Whatever. Her loss. He found someone better. "No," he says quietly, with great reluctance having to agree she has a point. "But Kitty...I can't..." he struggles to formulate his thoughts into words.

"Shh," she silences him with a finger to his lips. "You need time to adjust. We understand. In truth We need time as well. Technically speaking We're only about 2 weeks old...which I'm afraid, sweetie, kinda means you've been fucking jailbait," she says with a playful quirk to her lips.

The look Peter gives her could make Dr Doom wet his iron britches.

It makes her laugh in delight before she gets more serious. "There is a lot about ourselves We have yet to grasp. Before...We got so caught up in the thrill of being born. We wanted to just...experience everything at once. This time We want to take our time, savour our life," she tries to explain her thinking.

"Kitty. I can't let you go if it means people will get hurt," he tells her and she should know this.

Her face falls. "We don't want to fight you, Pete but We will not go back to being half of ourselves nor will We allow ourselves to be locked up," she states, broaching no argument.

"I don't want to fight you either. I never wanted to fight you but you know who I am. What I stand for. Why I put on this costume and it hurts me to say this about you, Kitty but you, this you, enjoys hurting people. Enjoys coming up with ways to torment them."

"Is it our fault We find their screams of fear and pain a turn on?" she asks as if she is completely innocent on the issue.

Peter sighs. This is the problem exactly and as much as he doesn't want to fight her he can't let her go either. She just doesn't seem to realise what is right and wrong any longer.

"You see this is exactly why We said we both need time. You need to come to understand as We do that those rules are anachronistic. Those rules tell you that it is wrong to act as is your nature. How can it be wrong to be your true self?"

"Because it is not your true self," he argues again.

She rolls her eyes in what seems like boredom at this point. "We're going around in circles," she grumbles because they've had this argument, ad nauseam.

Peter runs his hands though his hair making it even more messy. "Do you even realise what you're asking of me?"

Her face becomes pained as if hating herself for doing this to him. "Of course We do. We love you, warts and all."

"Oh great, now I've got warts. I'm blaming Batroc the Leaper," he manages to crack a joke, which makes her smile albeit it's a little sad.

"Do you think this is easy for us either?" she asks him in all earnest, her expression showing she is as torn as he is. "We want nothing more than to be with you but We will not go back to being only half of ourself. We. Will. Not," she repeats her declaration, emphasising every word.

"Stalemate then," Peter describes their situation. She was also right a little bit back. They're going round in circles, repeating the same arguments, saying the same words but he can't see how to break this deadlock. She won't accept being separated from the symbiote or being locked up and he can't leave her like this, free to go off and do whatever she wants.

She makes a noise of frustration as if agreeing with him. She looks at him with pleading eyes. It's so weird to see such a look when he knows what Carnage is like. She is different to even 2 weeks ago. He can't quantify the difference but he is more certain than ever the longer this conversation has gone on that it exists.

"Ok," she says in sad acceptance. "If we have to do this can We get at least one more kiss for the road?" she requests, wanting one last pleasant memory before...well now she thinks on it violence to her is pleasant. Huh. Except in this case when it would be representing that the bond between her and Peter is being torn beyond repair.

Peter can't say no to that. Not when they're this close together after 2 weeks apart...which is the mistake. Once he starts he can't stop. He's lost in the taste of her, the smell of her, the feel of her. The same is true for her. They can't stop. Not until they're up on the roof of the building, clothes gone(well she was sorta not wearing any to start with but you know, just go with it), bodies entangled, moans, gasps, bringing each other to utter rapture.

Many hours later the two lovers are tangled up in a web hammock. Peter is asleep, the lack of it over the last couple of weeks finally catching up with him and she is just watching him sleep, recording every detail of his face to memory, her fingers gently tracing his features, sadness adorning her own features because she knows how this has to end. She leans over and kisses his forehead. "We love you," she says softly.

Then quietly, so as not to disturb him, she slips off the hammock, her symbiote re-emerging in her 'Carnage form', covering her body but not her face as she walks to the ledge of the building and looks out at the city. There was so much for her to do, to discover...especially about herself. She had said it to him earlier. About her only being a couple of weeks old. She needs time to discover who she really is, what her true nature is and she has to do that alone. Especially when she knows that Peter and her friends will, in the end, either rip her back into two or failing that, lock her up.

Neither option is acceptable. Therefore it leaves her no choice but to go away for awhile, no matter the fact her heart is breaking at having to leave Peter. She looks back one more time longingly at the man she loves before the symbiote covers her face over. She then leaps over the edge, sending out a symbiote webline as she swings away and vanishes into the New York skyline.

For Katherine Anne Pryde the journey has ended. For the being that calls herself Carnage the journey is about to begin.

Author's Note: I know I'm giving Peter and Kitty/Carnage a lot of time here but it just feels like they need it. Anyway what I really wanted to get across is that something is distinctly different to Carnage this time. Enough of a something to give hope that she can be something other than the insane monster who revels in torture and slaughter. Thanks to everyone who wrote reviews. Next up; One Journey has Ended part 3.