Thanos was doing his evil villain monologue. I recognized the words from the beginning of Infinity War, and let his voice surround me as I tried to think of a plan.

Absolutely nothing, came to mind.

I was bloody tired. Even with Loki's help, making the portal and especially using the Orb had made me feel like I had ran miles without stopping. My legs threatened to buckle, my body feeling impossibly heavy. If I had just lied down on the ground right there, I would have passed out.

But at least my mind was clear as I surveyed the situation.

There was the Black Order, the three of them standing beside Thanos and the alien wizard walking around like he owned the place. (I disliked that dude immediately.) Heimdall was in between bodies, on the ground but at least I knew he wasn't dead, not yet. And Thor was on his knees, gritting his teeth and generally looking a whole lot in pain and beside him, the slumped figure of Bruce Banner.

I felt a pang in my chest as I realized I couldn't tell if he was alive or not.

"I have a plan," Loki whispered in my ear, and I refused the urge to yell thank god.

"What is it?"

"We give him the stones, and then escape."

Right. It would have been too good if Loki had came up with a solid, awesome, real plan.

"That's not a plan," I whispered back. "That's just giving up."

"At least we still come out of this with our lives intact," He muttered. "We have a deal, remember? We keep each other alive."

"...I think that deal was a mistake," I mumbled, and then straightened up. "Okay. Sure, let's do that."

"Wait-"

"Thanos!" I yelled, coming out of the shelter made of a metal heap we had been hiding behind. I found I didn't have anything to say, after announcing his name like an idiot. "...Hi." I grabbed Loki's arm, and dragged him out with me.

Thanos, and the Black Order's gazes all stopped on me. No, Loki. They were all looking at Loki.

"Loki!" Thor said, his voice broken. "Get out of-" Thanos flicked his head with a hand, knocking him sideways and I felt Loki flinching. I clenched a fist. Wow. That guy was a jerk.

"There you are," Thanos said good-naturedly, which was slightly no very creepy. "I was thinking you had betrayed your brother and your people, like the traitor you are." His tone was so pleasant that I nearly doubted if I was hearing him right.

"Let my brother go," Loki answered, his voice steady despite the obvious storm of emotions he was feeling. "Let him go, and we'll talk."

"It doesn't work like that, I'm afraid." Thanos's gaze wandered, until it came to rest on me. "Who is the child?"

Child. I rolled my eyes, and was somewhat surprised that I had the ability to roll my eyes at stupid scary villains in terse situations. I was truly an epitome of Earth's insolent teenagers.

Loki's eyes flitted to me then back at Thanos, and I could see him visibly hesitate. I decided to step in, save him from his miserable suffering.

"The child, is someone that has an offer for you." I drawled, my voice containing the exact amount of sarcasm and dryness I would reserve for situations where I had to confront an idiotic adult. I excelled at this voice. It was, in fact, my secret weapon.

Thanos raised an eyebrow, face still not without humor. I had to admit he was on a different level than the usual adults I dealt with.

"And pray tell, what offer is that?"

I frowned a bit. "You know that Loki has the Tesseract, right?"

Loki snapped his head to look at me with a what the fuck face and I coolly ignored him. He looked betrayed.

"Of course," Thanos answered, some of the amusement sliding off his face. Good. It was probably better for him to take me seriously.

I nodded, wrinkling my nose as I smiled generously. Something felt incredibly funny. Most likely that I was going somewhat insane and my mouth was growing a mind of its own.

"Well," I raised up a finger. "Here's the killer part." I turned that finger into a finger gun, and shot it at him with a click of the tongue. "Do you know where the power stone is? I mean, you have to find it, right? It's part of your stupid plan to wipe out the half of the universe."

"...Stupid plan?" The alien wizard, uh, whatshisname, echoed, voice strangled. "How dare you speak to the Great Titan-"

"I mean, it is kinda stupid," I said earnestly. "Honestly. I get that you think that will bring," I air-quoted. "Order to the universe, whatever that is, and I agree, overpopulation will become a problem in the distant future." I scratched the back of my head, pausing for maximum impact.

"But then, you do realize that most of the lack of food and resources problem is because of the lack of distribution, not overpopulation?"

Thanos was definitely not smiling now. I knew it was petty, but I still liked it.

"The universe lacks balance," Alien wizard-he looked like a Phil-, argued. "This universe is finite, its resources finite. Thanos will save the-"

"Right. If the universe is really finite, and we all lack resources and shit," I rubbed my chin, mockingly pondering. Then I snapped my fingers, like the idea just popped into my mind. "Let's use the stones to actually create a supply of food and water! Then the problem is solved!"

Phil shut up. I nodded slowly, this time. "Right. You can't argue with logic, you narcissistic son of a-."

"Enough," Thanos growled, cutting my words off violently. "I will not discuss my beliefs with a mere human child. I will collect all six Infinity stones, and do what no one has ever attempted before. I will bring salvation to the universe."

I winced pitifully. "Um, sure. Go right ahead. And please don't forget to say something smug and villainous not regarding salvation before you do it. It'll build you character, I promise you."

"...You mock me." I desperately wanted to say have you just figured that out?. But Thanos was saying it with a tilt of his head that wasn't petulant at all and I didn't want to say such a predictable line, so I refrained.

"Are you not afraid of me?" He hummed, his voice deep. "Someone who literally have all of your lives in my grasp?"

"Oh, no. I'm very scared of you." I shrugged. "But then I'm also scared of spiders and clowns and knocks on my door in the middle of the night, so...you shouldn't feel so privileged." I said dismissively, and we laughed together like good friends, my mind screaming just shut up I don't want to die.

I really didn't. I wanted to have a long and healthy life, but my mouth seemed to have missed the memo.

"You're amusing," He chuckled. "Perhaps I should keep you around."

"I'm not a pet," I told him with a lop sided grin. "But I would be willing to speak an eulogy at your funeral. I have plenty of good puns-, uh, lines I could put to good use."

"Oh? What makes you think that you will be alive when I am not?"

The grin somewhat froze on my face but it was still there, lucky for my poker face. Ugh, I was too tired for this casual threatening bullshit. Maybe that was the reason my words were so un-filtered.

"Ah. Didn't I tell you? I know the future." I spread my palms. "It's hard to miss my death in my own future," I bluffed, sincerely hoping he wouldn't actually ask me the date or something. But thankfully the pronouncement seemed to have thrown him off, because he narrowed his eyes, looking threatened for once.

"You know the future," He said, making it sound more like a question than a statement, and I smiled serenely.

"Yup."

"Do I succeed in bringing the world to a balance?"

I laughed out loud suddenly, painfully aware that I was toeing the line between excruciating death, and clean death. But something made me so angry all of a sudden, the way he was so oblivious and so stupid and so unaware of how everything worked. People don't just carry on happily after their family members turn to dust. The society doesn't just walk off the losses. His agenda didn't make any sense. And I hated his casual ignorance.

"You are never going to win, Thanos. No matter what your motives or plan is. You are never, ever going to win. This universe doesn't work like that." I snorted sardonically. "The world's heroes will fight against you to the very end and will win every time, and you don't stand a chance. And this is just not misplaced optimism, but it's the truth, because this universe, this world is-"

Suddenly the world came to a halt, a metaphoric bucket of cold water over my head, because I couldn't believe I almost said-I almost just said that this world was not real.

"This world is what?" Thanos questioned, forehead wrinkled and I knew, instinctively, that he could sense what I had been about to say was crucial. It would have almost been comical how he was listening to me so very carefully, if I didn't know that I almost screwed up this entire universe.

Loki shot me a pale questioning look and I swallowed, breathing shallowly through my mouth.

"Nothing," I said meekly, suddenly feeling subdued and hating it. "It's nothing."

The lines on his face deepened with a scowl, and he shook his head. "It is clearly not nothing," He answered and I gave him a flat stare, wishing I could turn back time and fix that mistake.

"The power stone." I said instead, dropping the dramatics. "You know it was stolen from Xandar, yes?"

He gave me a look that said he knew very well I was changing the subject, but tilted his head. "Yes."

"I know where it is. And I'll teach you, if you just let Thor go."

I could see exactly when his face hardened, the titan switching focus on to the Infinity stone immediately. I pointedly didn't look at Loki, because I knew that he wouldn't get it. Worse, he could spoil the entire plan I had hatched in mid air.

"What-" Thor attempted to say, but was cut off when the alien wizard hushed him with magic. Out the corner of my eyes, I saw Heimdall's body twitching. I just hoped he remembered what I told him earlier.

"How do I know if you're telling the truth?" Thanos asked, voice distrusting, and I pursed my lips.

"You just need to let Thor go, and I'll guide you to it. Since you can, I don't know, torture Loki and get the space stone and I'll lead you to the power stone, you'll be getting two stones! Killing two stones with one bird."

Right. That did not make any sense. "So, will you take the offer?"

He looked at me, his eyes piercing through me in a manner that was somewhat irritating and got on my nerves. But then, everything about that man got on my nerves. That ridiculous jaw. That purple skin. I mean, Gamora, even with green skin, was gorgeous. But purple? Seriously? Oh shit. Was I a racist?

I recognized the symptoms of my semi-hyperventilation. I was thinking too much and too hard about minor details. But, being racist was major, wasn't it? Okay, shut up, brain.

"Why don't I just make you tell me?" His lips curled. "Why release someone who could become a threat in the future?"

"Uh, because you would just waste time? If Earth hears that you're coming, they will have time to prepare and all that." I shrugged slightly. "Why waste your precious time when you can use it to track down all the other stones? And as you've seen, Thor isn't much of a threat to you." I winced. "Sorry, Thor."

Thanos considered, and I held my breath, looking away and trying to catch Heimdall's gaze. He was on his knees now, but the Black Order didn't move without Thanos's orders. (And yes, the pun fell flat on its face.)

I was also aware of Loki's body being incredibly still, as he was probably very confused. And a bit hurt. Yeah, I kinda did take it too far with that torture comment, but I did think I could be let off the hook since my idiotic plan was working shockingly well until now. Except for that part where I almost told everyone they were movie characters. Yeah, except that part.

"Very well," Thanos agreed, and gestured at Phil to release Thor. "But if you betray me, I'll guarantee you that your death will not be a pleasant one."

How could any death be pleasant? I gulped and watched as the God of Thunder stumbled to his feet, blood dripping off his face. Bruce stirred in his unconsciousness, and my heart soared a bit as I realized everyone was alive. Just yet. Thor glared murderously at Thanos, and opened his mouth to say something undoubtedly threatening but I cleared my throat, making him turn to me instead.

"Go find the Guardians of the Galaxy," I told him quietly. "They will help, Thor."

His lips trembled as he glanced at Loki and back, and I could sense he was about to say something incredibly emotional that was probably also incredibly cringey, so I spoke quickly.

"Thor, I got this. Just go." I said, looking at him dead in the eyes. "Walk away."

And he did so, after a long moment of hesitation. Heimdall joined Loki and me standing vigilantly by our side as we all watched the escape pod fly away from the ship, and Thanos tilted his head at me.

"Why Thor?"

"What?" I slipped my hand into my pocket, and materialized the orb, throwing a sheen of magic over it to disguise its power. The moment was coming and adrenaline surged again, the last round of energy filling my body. I was hyper-aware of everything, the way the Black Order was silent and strong and threatening and Bruce opening his eyes and Heimdall giving me a stoic look.

"Just curious, I suppose. Your offer does not even mention anything to do with yourself and your safety." He remarked, and Phil frowned. Oh. Phil was frowning. That was bad. That was really bad.

"I am that kind of selfless person, I guess. And also, Thor is very hot." I rambled, flicking open the Orb. Phil opened his mouth in alarm and I continued on. "Have you seen his face? And the muscles? Such a dreamboat and Heimdall, NOW."

The bi-frost flashed, sweeping Bruce away and I grabbed the power stone, gasping as the power filled me to the brim. I noticed too late the dagger of glass shooting towards us and Heimdall was suddenly in front of me and his breath hitched, the blade protruding from out his back. I cried out, my heart in my throat and Loki grabbed me, and we spun and the portal was there. We fell through.

Loki immediately turned sideways to avoid falling on me, so that I ended up falling on him instead and the portal fizzed out, leaving the both of us lying on the ground and breathing harshly. I stared into his green eyes, his pupils blown wide with surprise.

"Heimdall," I breathed out, the shock in my voice clear. I scrambled to dig out the power stone from my pocket, gripping it desperately. "We have to-"

"It's too late," He closed a fist over my trembling hand gently. "He's gone."

"No, you jackass!" I couldn't look at his pained expression. I couldn't look at anything, my eyesight blurry with tears. "We can save him. We have to go back-"

"I'm sorry," Loki murmured softly and I dug my nails into my palm, hating myself for knowing he was right.

"He died for me," I whispered, terrified of the prospect of what that meant. It meant everything. If I had gotten control of the power stone a second earlier, he would have still been alive. He would have still be alive.

"It was his choice," He reminded me, acting a bit uncharacteristically. But he had known Heimdall for longer than I did. He was also in grief, his emotionless face betrayed by the hitch in his voice.

I opened my mouth to say something, most likely an apology, but someone cleared his throat in a very familiar way and I turned to look up at Tony Stark standing there, face both relieved and guarded.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" He called out, and Stephen Strange, next to him with his arms crossed, shook his head slowly.

"Sorry, but I don't get it either."

Then the Hulk crashed through the roof.

A/N: Why is it that when I try not to write like a romance, my writings become even more heavily imbued with a layer of romance?

...Still not happening, folks.