Nathan hadn't spoken to Elizabeth since that eventful conversation at the schoolhouse last Wednesday. It felt like years since they'd really spoken, since they'd shared a satisfying conversation, at least. He missed having those with her. And he missed seeing her be carefree, lighthearted, the way she typically was before that awful night. The way he'd seen her that day of the harvest festival even, when she'd been laughing jovially as little Jack stuck his hand in a tub full of pumpkin guts, squishing it gleefully through his little fingers. Nathan didn't think she'd noticed him watching her then; she often didn't seem to notice him watching her. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.
He'd wanted to speak with her on Sunday after church but she and Tom had remained behind to speak with Pastor Zeke, so he didn't have a chance. He wondered how things were going with Tom. The man looked rather sickly that day, so Nathan imagined his detoxification had been intense. Elizabeth clearly had a lot to deal with, a lot on her mind with him and with everything else she'd been fretting over. Her confession that day that she was considering returning to Hamilton mystified him, as did the information he gathered from that conversation regarding her upbringing and her parents' expectations of her life. He'd heard she came from a wealthy family; Bill had relayed to him why Jack was originally assigned to Hope Valley, then called Coal Valley. So he knew Mr. Thatcher must have been a man of some importance to have convinced the Mounted Police to station someone out here, even though given the scores of cases Jack had worked on, his presence here likely was necessary regardless. But the vitriol with which Tom spoke about her father, and his apparent concerns over Jack's profession, Nathan's profession, were concerning. Would he ever be able to gain that man's approval, his blessing, because of that? And if he weren't, would Elizabeth be truly okay with that? He knew family was important to her and he wondered how heavily it had weighed on her that her father had not approved of Jack.
Yesterday morning's first self defense lesson had been interesting. He was surprised that thirty-two women had showed up, many of whom he'd never held a conversation with before. Bill spoke briefly about the legalities of consent and what women's rights were regarding unwanted encounters and how to report them. The conversation and some of the questions the women asked made him regret, once again, his initial anger with Elizabeth for agreeing to those men's demands. He was ashamed of himself for speaking to her that way. As he often did, he had let his misplaced anger out on someone else. Every time he looked at her, took in her injuries again, he became filled with rage over both the men who'd hurt her and his own inability to save her from that pain; it was hard for him to focus on much else, to try to comfort or reassure her when he was just so angry about it all. Perhaps if he'd been more focused on surveying the crowd that night, he'd have noticed those two men watching her. Or if he'd gone looking for them sooner, interviewed the guests at the saloon, been more open with the townsfolk about the criminals who frequented their territory, or even gone to check on her when he noticed her slinking away from the dance that night, perhaps none of this would have happened. Nathan held a lot of regrets about that night.
He was surprised to find that he actually enjoyed giving that self defense class though. In a way, it offered him some redemption for his perceived failures with Elizabeth. Many of the women seemed relieved afterwards and all were very appreciative for his direction and Bill's. They'd agreed to give at least three more sessions, at different times over the next few weeks to enable more women to attend and provide an opportunity for those who attended this first session to come and practice the skills they'd learned with each other again.
Nathan had really found Rosemary growing on him through all of this. He'd previously thought her bubbly, outgoing nature to be very taxing as he preferred to go about a quieter life himself. However, through her response to Elizabeth's ordeal, Nathan saw a more thoughtful side to her. Her commitment to seeing both Elizabeth and the rest of the women in the town through the traumatic event impressed him. During their lesson, she'd gently encouraged the shier women to participate and she'd provided some sound advice for dealing with men's unwanted advances respectfully. Her words, and the women's reaction to them, again highlighted how blinded his gender made him to these issues and how much thought all the women put into trying to keep themselves safe on a daily basis. It saddened him and made him realize how much Allie would likely struggle in discussing such things with him as she grew. He again wished she had a woman in her life, a maternal figure, she could come to with questions but decided he needed to do better in being open with her about uncomfortable topics so she knew she'd always have him, at least.
He'd spent much of the day preparing for the brief remarks he'd be providing at Lucas' staff meeting this afternoon. Lucas told him he was expecting about twenty people, staff from all the main businesses in town. He'd apparently had to go to Union City on business on Monday and had picked up another set of sketches for Nathan from the office there. Nathan wasn't sure what was so pressing that Lucas drove all the way out there and back in a day but he was nonetheless grateful to have two sets for display throughout town. He was confident the townsfolk were all now familiar with Squirrel Terrell's description, but there were two other wanted men he was particularly intent on identifying quickly if they made their appearance in town, so he planned to focus his discussion on them. One, a man named Tommy Travers, was wanted for a bank robbery that happened last week a few towns over. The other, Nick Stapleton, was wanted for a brutal murder of two men outside Union City; the motive in this case had yet to be determined, and that had raised Nathan's concerns considerably, as it could mean he posed a risk to anyone, not just someone he was associated with.
Nathan looked at his watch, it was 2:50. So he packed his things and headed over to the saloon. Most of the people were assembled there already. Lucas saw him walk in and approached him with a smile and an outstretched hand. "Hello, Nathan. Thanks again for doing this."
"My pleasure," he smiled politely back, shaking Lucas' hand. It still felt strange sometimes being on the same side of things with Lucas but he was grateful in many respects for the camaraderie they were forming; he did not, after all, have many people he considered a true friend. He wasn't sure if he and Lucas could ever be that, particularly given they were both still vying for the heart of the same woman, but he had seen a lot of good qualities in the man he'd previously overlooked through and he'd caught himself wondering a few times if the two of them might form a friendship one day, or perhaps in another universe. He took in the room full of people and swallowed, becoming uncomfortable, "Lot of people."
"You'll do great," Lucas replied encouragingly, without a hint of mockery. Nathan was appreciative he took pity on his shyness.
"Thanks," he sighed.
Lucas remarked pleasantly, "I heard from a few of my staff that your lesson yesterday went really well. Thank you for doing that. I know they really appreciated it. And I'm glad you've agreed to do more. I'm trying to convince Katherine to go; she's quite shy and told me she wasn't sure about practicing in a group like that but she's been having some anxiety about being upstairs alone cleaning after this whole thing. I think it would really help her and it would ease my mind if I knew she'd be able to handle a situation if one of the guests ever got out of hand with her."
Nathan nodded, scanning the room and spotting the young maid in the second row of chairs assembled for his briefing. She was nodding politely at Clara, who had a broad smile on her face as she spoke. He wondered how well Clara knew Katherine. Of medium height and build, she was clearly a very pretty woman, her curves accentuating her femininity, her long, silky blonde hair framing her heart-shaped face and her striking emerald eyes illuminating her features. Nathan had noticed her beauty before, but that day she'd shown him and Lucas the rooms those men had stayed in was the only time he'd ever spoken to her. She'd been quite formal then, short, and on edge, apologetic. He understood the sentiment. Near everyone who had some involvement in the incidents of that night was apologetic for one thing or another, whether warranted or not: him, Lucas, Bill, Lee, Clark, Rosemary, Laura, Katherine, even Elizabeth. He replied, "I'd be happy to talk to her about that after this."
"Thanks, Nathan," Lucas answered.
Wanting to ensure he could address her properly, he asked, "What's her surname?"
"Edmonds," Lucas answered.
Nathan pondered that name for a moment, realizing he recognized it from two places: the list of men who'd died years ago in the coal mine included a Theodore Edmonds and a James Edmonds and two of Allie's classmates had the surname as well, Caleb and Patrick. Allie spoke rather animatedly about them from time to time, the young boys seemed to get into a lot of mischievous activity. "Is she related to Caleb or Patrick?"
Lucas nodded, "Yes. They're her younger brothers, the youngest. She has a lot of siblings; can't remember how many exactly." Nathan nodded. Allie had said their father wasn't around so it must be the same family.
Having not spoken to Elizabeth and knowing Lucas had taken her shooting, he asked hesitantly, "I haven't really seen Elizabeth since last Wednesday. How's she doing?"
Lucas gave him a tight smile, "She's struggling, Nathan." Nathan nodded, his remorse impossibly increasing. Lucas added, "And I think she's having a lot more trouble with Tom than she wants to let on."
"Oh?" Nathan replied, curious.
In weighing how much detail to give Nathan, Lucas reflected on the afternoon he'd spent with Elizabeth yesterday, which, overall, had been very pleasant, in spite of the fact that it lacked an embrace as Saturday's practice had.
After they'd tied their horses up, Lucas swallowed, removing the small package he'd hidden in his saddlebag. He sincerely hoped she'd like it. He'd wasted near an entire precious workday Monday going all the way to Union City and back to purchase it. He held it out to her, swallowing shyly, "I brought you a gift."
Her surprise was evident as she chastised, "A gift? Lucas, you shouldn't have." He knew he really shouldn't have given they weren't formally courting, but this was something she needed, so he hoped she'd recognize that. She hesitantly took it from him and slowly opened it, pausing to run her fingers over the stylishly decorated handle. As her features softened, he relaxed, realizing she appreciated it. She sighed, "Luke, this was so thoughtful of you."
He bit his lip diffidently at her use of his now favorite moniker again. Did she recognize it this time? As she inspected the small revolver, he playfully noted, "Luke, huh? I don't recall giving you permission to call me that."
Elizabeth gasped, "Oh my! I did, didn't I? I'm sorry Lucas!"
He chuckled, replying quietly, "Don't be. I kind of love it. Nobody's ever called me that before."
She blushed, looking down and whispered, "I call you that in my head a lot." He beamed, elated she disclosed that.
Trying to set her at ease with the admission, he remarked mockingly, "Shame I can't call you Bess then because I haven't been able to get that term out of my head either."
She looked back up at him, and his smile broadened as he took in some of that spark she possessed that he so adored and had missed these last weeks. She snapped, "No, you most certainly cannot!"
He smirked at her as she glared at him for what seemed like minutes, then he asked, "Any other nicknames I am allowed?"
She huffed, "No. My family all calls me Lizzie but that makes me feel like a little girl so that's off limits too."
Yes, Lucas thought, that was definitely off limits then because this beautiful woman that had so beguiled him was certainly no little girl. He smiled, thinking on how much he loved teasing her like this, "Well I'll have to come up with something else then. In the meantime, feel free to call me Luke all you want." As she blushed again, he began noting features of the revolver he'd purchased her, not wanting her to be discomfited with their exchange longer, "This is designed for a woman. It's a bit lighter and has a somewhat reduced kickback so it should be more comfortable on your arm." He'd noted she winced a few times on Saturday and figured her wound may have been bothering her still. "I've commissioned Eric to make you a storage box with a lock on it and he said it should be done by Thursday. It has a safety, of course, but you still might want to keep the bullets separately or at least lock it so little Jack doesn't wind up getting at it somehow."
The crease in her brow dulled as she replied with sincerity, "Lucas, thank you. This is, well, it was a truly lovely gesture for which I am greatly appreciative."
He nodded humbly in reply and they spent the next fifteen minutes practicing. She did, indeed, do better with the new, lighter weapon, as well as with the paper bullseye targets he fashioned and hung between some trees using a rope and clothes pins. He was really proud of her for sticking with their lessons. And they agreed to go on Friday afternoon again. He still wanted her to get more comfortable with her own gun as well as his, in case she ever needed to pick up a man's to defend herself.
As they rode home after, he'd asked how things were going with Tom and was dismayed at her answer. She heaved, "Honestly, Lucas, I think I'm in over my head on this. He's made progress on his grief for sure, which is good, but I haven't spoken about Jack this much since he first passed, really, and all this talking about him, well it's brought a lot of my own grief back again as well." Lucas swallowed; he was very happy she felt comfortable enough with him to tell him as much but it was certainly not what he wanted to hear, when he'd hoped she'd been making progress in the other direction. "We visited Jack's grave Thursday afternoon and that helped him a lot, as has little Jack. Tom's very taken with him." Lucas smiled softly, pondering that it was near impossible not to be taken with that sweet boy; he'd truly missed him these last weeks. "I don't think he's quite as angry but I've been trying to get him to talk to Nathan, to at least apologize for that outburst, and he keeps saying he can't even look at him, at another Mountie, now." Lucas couldn't help but wonder if that was the only reason she wanted him to talk to Nathan; part of him fretted that perhaps she wanted Tom's approval of him for another reason. After a pause, she added, "My real problem is the drinking though. He is really struggling. He practically destroyed the house Thursday in search of anything and..."
Lucas rose his eyebrows, interrupting her, "What do you mean he destroyed the house? Did he break things? Throw things?"
"Oh no. No," she replied quickly. "He just searched every drawer and cabinet for alcohol, taking loads of things out and not putting them back in place. So it took me nearly an hour to get everything settled again. It was in quite a state."
"So did he find anything?"
She shrugged, "All I had was my cooking wine. I don't really drink."
He scrunched his forehead in thought. She'd had a glass or two of champagne that night they'd spent together in Union City and again at their little celebration in the library. He didn't really ask if she wanted it though, and now he worried that he'd pressed her into it. Maybe she didn't even like champagne. He asked reservedly, "Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that. In Union City, when I ordered that bottle, or the library, you could have told me you didn't want it."
Unexpectedly, Elizabeth's skin pinked. He wondered what she was embarrassed over. She muttered, "Well it was fine both nights because little Jack wasn't with me." Lucas was confused. Did she not like to drink in front of her son? She must have recognized his lack of understanding, as she answered, in a quick breath, "I still nurse him at night sometimes and less frequently, in the mornings too. It settles him if he's irritable."
"Oh," he replied, now understanding her embarrassment and feeling bad he asked her. He should have thought of that. The boy wasn't even two yet! He shook his head, trying not to picture her snuggling with him in bed, trying not to imagine that he'd like to be doing the same thing if he were feeling irritable, or tired, or amorous, or elated, or sad, or any emotion he'd ever felt or had yet to feel. Lying in bed with her, his head nestled in between her breasts or her laying bare-chested against him, was surely the place he'd want to be.
Clearly trying to move on from the awkward moment, she added, "If I have someone over, Rosemary, Lee, they'll usually bring a bottle of wine and I'll sometimes have some after he goes to sleep but before I had him, I didn't really drink much then either. Only with dinner sometimes. I like red wine better than champagne though."
He smiled softly, internally yelling at his mind to stay focused on their conversation, "I'll remember that." After a pause he asked gently, "Is that why you were so worried about leaving him that night?"
Elizabeth bobbed her head, "That was one of the main reasons. I'd never left him overnight before. Rosemary and Lee didn't exactly let on but I heard from some other folks that little Jack had a very rough go of it that day, night." Lucas cursed himself for his idiocy; it unsettled him knowing he'd caused that sweet boy discomfort. "I had been trying to wean him around that time, actually, but that separation set us back a bit, as did the nights he spent away from me after the attack. He used to be able to sleep without that most nights but he's more insistent on it now." As she blushed again, Lucas swallowed, feeling a bit badly that he'd sprung that whole evening on her with such short notice. Maybe that really had been too soon for her, for more reasons that he'd initially thought.
He sighed, "Elizabeth, I am sorry I caused that angst for you both. I should have realized why you'd be so hesitant to leave him overnight like that."
She replied quickly, "Oh, I didn't mean to make you feel badly about that, Lucas! I had a wonderful time that night with you. It was, well it was really special for me."
He smiled softly, "Yes, it was for me too."
Changing the subject, she noted, "Anyway, I don't think Tom found anything. I'd gotten rid of Jack's alcohol months ago because I was worried little Jack might get into it. He's now quite fond of opening all my cabinets himself." She smiled, likely thinking of her son. Then she sighed, "Zeke has spent hours upon hours with Tom now to little effect thus far. Bill and Lee and Carson have all spoken to him. Rosemary also, of course. Florence has given me a lot of advice, but honestly, Lucas nothing seems to be getting through to him. I'm not sure if anything will." She bit her lip asking timidly, "I've been wanting to ask you if he's been by the saloon."
Lucas shook his head intently, "No. And I've already instructed Clark not to serve him."
"You have?" she marveled. He nodded in reply. "Are you in the habit of doing that?"
"Not often," he answered. "Clark cuts men off if they've had too much and we have a few local patrons he's not to serve. One of his own accord, he struggles himself but has been trying to control it and asked me not to if he ever came in. The other because he's gotten aggressive a few times when drinking and I don't want that kind of element there."
Elizabeth appeared deep in thought before asking him apprehensively, "Luke, is there any way I could speak to this man you mentioned who has asked you not to serve him?"
"Oh well, I could ask him, Elizabeth," he replied. "I need to respect his privacy but I can see if he'd talk to you or Tom."
"I'd really appreciate that," she sighed. "I'm just not sure what else to do."
Lucas chewed on his cheek, wondering if he should ask but knowing he had to if he was going to sleep soundly that night, "Elizabeth, have you two quarreled again?"
She breathed out loudly and nodded slightly, "Nothing like what you saw on Wednesday, but yes, a bit."
When she was quiet, he pressed, "Over what?"
She looked at him bashfully and remarked, "He wanted to read the last letter Jack wrote me and I was hesitant, because well, I'd never shown it to anyone before. It felt too personal, what he'd written there." After a silent pause, she noted, "He wrote it before he left on an assignment in the Northern Territories that took him away from me for about a year just after we got engaged." Oh my, thought Lucas. What an awfully stressful engagement that must have been. She added soberly, "In case he didn't make it back to me."
Lucas sighed, angry Tom was pressuring her to share something so intimate that she clearly didn't want to. "So you let him?"
She shrugged, "Yes. It was personal, but I guess I felt selfish in denying him the chance to read some of his brother's last words but they sort of frustrated him a bit."
Lucas was perplexed, what could Jack have written his then-fiance that would have angered Tom. "Can I ask why?" he asked gently.
She whispered, "Because Jack told me he wanted me to open my heart again, to love again, like I loved him, but I told Tom that I haven't felt fully ready yet, in spite of, in spite of...well, and now he's more worried that little Jack is going to suffer growing up without a father, like they did."
Lucas held his breath, astounded. Her husband asked her to love someone else again? Essentially to remarry? The depth of the love he must have possessed for her to ask her that, to desire her happiness so much, was touching. And now Tom had gone and tainted those last loving, kind words that were meant to bring her solace! That man truly knew how to get under his poor girl's skin and it angered him. But her blush told Lucas that she likely informed Tom that there was someone, perhaps other than Charles, expressing interest but that she'd not been ready to accept that. Or, with any hope, perhaps she'd told him that she had feelings for another man, for him. He wondered what Tom would make of that, would make of him.
Knowing he couldn't ask her to explain further, he sighed, "Elizabeth, you are an amazing mother and little Jack is incredibly loved by so many people here. He is going to be just fine no matter what choices you make in your life. You know that right?" She nodded, silent, as he prayed fervently that she'd choose to be with him. He pressed, "Elizabeth, you shouldn't feel pressured into doing anything you don't feel ready for. Not by anyone." Myself included, he thought. He'd promised her he'd be patient and he meant that, even if it tormented him being unable to hold her in his arms.
She whispered, "Thanks, Lucas."
He asked, concerned, "Are you feeling safe with him in your house?"
She brightened at the question, relaxing, "Oh yes, definitely. I mean there's clearly been some tension there but he really is not a threat, Lucas. And I have actually been sleeping a lot better."
He smiled, "So I take it you told him what happened?"
Looking bashful again, she replied quietly, "Well no."
His brow furrowed, "Why not?"
She sighed, "He already has a lot on his mind, Lucas. He doesn't need to be worried about me. Besides, just having him around has been helping me with that, I'm not sure what else he could do."
Lucas swallowed, "Nonetheless, I wish you'd tell him."
She looked down again, "I'll think about it."
"Alright," he replied, giving her a tight smile that didn't reach his eyes. He wondered if that was her whole reason for not telling him. Was she worried about how he'd react? Did she fear he'd be angry? He seemed to get angry with her over senseless things, so perhaps he would get angry over this, like Nathan had, even if that anger were displaced.
Shutting off the memories, Lucas turned back to Nathan and summarized, "She doesn't think anyone is getting through to him on his urge to drink. She's not sure what to do."
"You give her any suggestions?" Nathan wondered.
"Not really. Seems Lee, Rosemary, Bill, Carson and Pastor Zeke have all tried. And she mentioned Florence has given her a lot of advice. I am planning on talking to someone today who might be able to help, if he's willing." Lucas looked over at Ned Yost, who was speaking to Eric Nickerson, the very talented town carpenter, about something. He'd never intended to disclose to anyone that conversation he'd had with Ned his first week upon arriving in Hope Valley but he knew Ned was fond of Elizabeth as well, as everyone so rightfully was really, so he sincerely hoped the man would not be affronted by Lucas making such a request of him and he knew Elizabeth would be tactful about it.
Nathan nodded, contemplative, but not asking anything further. Lucas noted he was often like that: discreet and somewhat unreadable. He supposed, in Nathan's profession, perhaps that was a good thing, but when it came to understanding the man's thoughts, it made it challenging sometimes. His briefing of the criminal activity in the area went well though. For a man so intimidated by crowds, Lucas thought he'd done marvelously. He was clear, articulate, considerate, and the information was indeed valuable. Lucas marveled momentarily at why he'd waited so long to request this of Nathan; perhaps if the two of them hadn't been rivals for Elizabeth's affection for so long, he'd have thought to ask for this sort of briefing sooner, then his hopeful sweetheart may not have been hurt in the first place. He exhaled, knowing it was best not to focus on the 'what ifs' in the past, but to forge a wiser path going forward. And he certainly intended to do his part to ensure this town was safe from now on; he could not imagine any of the kind people here enduring the type of pain Elizabeth had without his heart breaking impossibly further. He'd been praying nightly that Squirrel Terrell and that Berry character would be apprehended, for the sake of all the innocent folks out there.
As he stood, chatting with Kevin, he noticed Tom come into the saloon, trying to appear inconspicuous. He sighed audibly, not particularly wanting to deal with the man or have him make a scene. He walked up to him, feigning cordiality, "Good afternoon, Tom. How can I help you?"
Tom removed his hat and wrung it through his hands, nervously. Lucas noted this must be a trait of his. "Oh, hello, Mr. Bouchard, it's nice to see you. I just, well, got off work early and figured I'd stop in to, um, relax a bit."
Lucas smiled pleasantly. He was unaccustomed to turning customers away; fortunately the men of Hope Valley were by and large, very respectable, well mannered and law-abiding patrons. He noted, "Well, we are just finishing up a private meeting. I'm afraid the bar doesn't open until 5:00." Which he would have noted had he looked at the sign hanging in the window.
Tom swallowed, "Right, well. I thought since your meeting looked to have ended that you might be opening it up soon."
Lucas replied in a hushed tone, noting that Nathan was making his way over to them and not wanting anyone else to come and overhear, "Elizabeth's a friend, Tom."
Tom's eyebrows rose, "So that's how it is? You're refusing my business because she asked you to?"
Lucas shook his head, "She did not. But I'm refusing because it's the right thing to do."
Now standing next to him, Nathan nodded, "Tom, it's his business. It is his right to refuse service to anyone he's inclined to, with reason."
Tom snorted, "Well I do disagree with the reason! She's got this all wrong. If I just took the edge off a bit, it would be more bearable."
Lucas affirmed, "Well, I'm sorry but I won't be able to help you with that."
"Fine," Tom huffed and stormed out the door.
Lucas exhaled in relief, glad the man hadn't made a bigger scene. He looked over at Nathan, "I need to talk to someone, then I'm going to go talk to her."
Nathan nodded, "Can I come with? Maybe I could help in some way?"
Lucas agreed, not knowing himself just how these coming conversations would unfold. He excused himself and made his way over to Ned and Eric, gently interrupting their conversation and requesting to speak privately with Ned about a special order. Back in his office, Lucas explained the situation and Ned agreed, without hesitation, to speak with Elizabeth. Lucas supposed he shouldn't have been surprised, given this was Hope Valley after all, but he knew Ned had harbored this secret about himself for a long time, so he understood that in agreeing to speak openly about his own past vices, he was granting them all a lot of trust.
Lucas, Nathan and Ned walked over to the school house, fortunately finding Elizabeth alone, her brow furrowed as she looked down at some papers. They appeared to be essays written by the students. She looked up in surprise at the trio, asking, "Well, hello. Is everything alright?"
As they stopped in front of her desk, Lucas gave Ned one last look, desiring final confirmation from him that he was indeed comfortable with this exchange, before remarking to Elizabeth, "Tom came into the saloon about twenty minutes ago."
"Oh Lucas," she exhaled, dropping the paper she'd been reading onto the desk. "I'm sorry. Did he cause a scene?"
Lucas shook his head sadly, "No. And don't worry about that. Nathan and I handled it. But we're here to discuss how we can help the situation. Elizabeth, Ned is the gentleman I spoke to you about previously."
Elizabeth looked surprised for a moment, likely because the soft spoken older man seemed so unassuming, then visibly relaxed, remarking sincerely, "Oh Ned. Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me. I honestly don't know what to do! He doesn't seem capable of listening to anyone about this!" She exhaled, becoming upset, "I want to help him but I don't know what to do!"
Ned swallowed, "Elizabeth does he want help?"
"Well he certainly needs it!" she retorted.
Ned nodded, "I understand, but from my experience, a person has to actually want the help in order to benefit from it, particularly with this."
She sighed, "Well, he's said on numerous occasions that he does want help. I mean he was near inconsolable on Friday night about how remorseful he is about everything, how he wants to change. He was like that on Sunday too, after talking with Zeke again, hearing the sermon. But then, he has these moments like this morning where he's in a rage about it. I just don't know Ned. He swings one way and then the other so quickly on this."
Lucas inquired quickly, puzzled by something she'd said, "What do you mean he was in a rage?"
Looking exhausted, she exhaled, "Rosemary came over this morning to talk to him about it and she, well we, suggested again that he call Charlotte. Then he started shouting at her, at me, about us interfering in his life, not trusting him. He was so aggravated." Elizabeth rolled her eyes, "Bringing up all these pointless squabbles from their past. She left in tears and I, just, I feel so awful about subjecting her to that, to him, and little Jack too. He was so scared by all that. I don't think he's ever heard anyone shouting like that, other than those men. He was terrified."
Lucas licked his lips, trying to control his own temper, "Elizabeth, I think it's time we had a conversation about removing him from your home."
Her eyes welled with tears as she met his. She nodded slightly, whispering, "I've been considering it today. But I really don't think he'd hurt me, Lucas."
He shook his head adamantly, "It's not worth the risk or the impact this is having on your mental health."
Nathan nodded, "I agree."
Crying, she replied, "I just feel like I'm failing him, and by extension, failing Jack. And sending him away without helping him would be the ultimate failure. How could I possibly do that when he's like this? Where would he go? And what would happen to him? Who else would help him?"
Lucas affirmed, "I already told you, he can stay at the hotel as long as necessary and I will keep an eye on him."
She shook her head, wiping her tears from her cheeks, "And I don't think that's a good idea."
Nathan bit his lip, offering, "What if Allie stayed with you for a bit and he can stay with me?" Lucas swallowed. He didn't like this plan, didn't like the idea of her growing closer to Nathan and Allie. But he had to admit, it made more sense than having a recovering alcoholic living at a saloon.
Elizabeth replied shakily, "I really appreciate that offer, Nathan. Deeply so. But I'm not sure he'd agree. I've been trying to get him to come talk privately with you for a week now about what he said that day, and he's been refusing."
Nathan and Lucas looked alternately from each other to her. Lucas wasn't sure what other suggestions might be viable. Lee and Rosemary were likely out if he'd upset Rosemary that much this morning; though perhaps they'd agree to a switch like Nathan had suggested. Maybe Rosemary could stay with Elizabeth. As he pondered suggesting that, Ned cleared his throat, "Elizabeth, what did Jack say about Tom's history with all this?"
Elizabeth shook her head, admitting quietly, regretfully, "We didn't really talk about it, Ned. The few times it came up it was in response to Tom doing something, behaving poorly and I guess, well I was so angered by those events and what he'd done or said that Jack and I, well honestly, I'm ashamed to admit it but we just argued about it. I never assisted with this, I never even asked him how he'd handled it in the past, how long it had been going on, how it started. I," she sighed, "I can't even tell you how awful I feel about that now. I should have been more compassionate towards them both instead of just taking Tom's slights so personally or getting mad at Jack for defending Tom's behavior." Lucas struggled not to roll his eyes; she was, by far, one of the most compassionate people he'd ever known. Tom, on the other hand, seemed near impossible.
Ned sighed, "Elizabeth, you're trying to help him now. Jack would have been so grateful to you for that. So let's figure out how to do that."
She exhaled, "Alright. Thank you."
He noted, "It takes a great deal of will power, determination to overcome an addiction like this. I mean, it took me four years of trying before it finally stuck and I was highly motivated in trying to stop."
She licked her lips, "Can I ask you how long it's been?"
He smiled, "Nearly twelve and a half years now. And it has gotten easier for me with time."
She nodded, "So how did you do it then? How did you manage?"
He shrugged, "A lot of just trying, I suppose. Trying and praying I'd be able to do it. And I also found it very helpful talking to other men who've been through this. It helps to know you're not alone." She nodded, smiling sadly. "But I think for it to stick, you've got to be committed to it. I was committed to it. I had motivation. I had my family and I knew I'd lose them if I didn't control myself. Lucille told me as much; she said she'd leave me if I didn't sort it out. That might be what it takes, Elizabeth."
"So you think I should kick him out too?" she pondered, sounding worried. Lucas noted Nathan nodding in agreement.
Ned bit his lip, "Perhaps. Even the threat of that could be motivation enough though. The threat of not being able to be around you, his nephew. But I'd certainly say you should if you felt unsafe with him being in your home."
Elizabeth looked down, whispering, "I didn't. Not until this morning, at least." Damn it, Lucas cursed inside his head. "I really do not think he'd ever get aggressive or violent but the shouting was, well honestly I think it puts me on edge more now, since that night. I'm not used to having men shout at me like that. Jack certainly never did and my father has only done that a few times in my life. It was unsettling, a bit scary. I'm just not used to that."
"Nor should you be," Lucas interjected, rubbing a hand through his hair. Nobody should be yelling at her, scaring her or her son like that, regardless of their relation or the circumstances.
Nathan looked perplexed as Ned nodded in agreement, "Absolutely. Elizabeth, listen. Jack would understand. He would. If you do not feel comfortable having Tom in the house. He would have absolutely understood that, particularly knowing what you've just experienced. Jack never would have wanted you to be fearful in your own home, Elizabeth. He adored you. He would have put you and your needs above anyone else's in his life." Lucas exhaled slightly, glad he'd asked Ned to come speak to her. Perhaps she'd listen to him, as he was further removed from the situation and knew her late husband.
She became tearful, replying, "But how could I do that Ned? I don't think he has anywhere else to go!"
Ned shook his head intently, "I think there may be an option, if you're both willing to consider it." Elizabeth nodded, encouraging him to continue. "Have you heard of sober houses?"
Lucas' shoulders sagged; he was dismayed he hadn't considered that earlier. He'd certainly heard of them, though he had to admit, he didn't know much about them and didn't think he knew anyone who'd been to one. She shook her head slightly, "Daddy mentioned it once a long time ago, an associate of his went to one."
Ned nodded, "I've never been myself, but I know a few men who have. There's one outside Edmonton that I know of. That's supposed to be good. Can I invite myself over for dinner tonight so I can speak with him about it?"
She nodded enthusiastically, "Yes! Absolutely! Thank you, Ned."
"Excellent," he smiled. "I'll be by at 6:00. I've got to be getting back to the store for a bit, but I'll see you soon." Ned tipped his head to Lucas and Nathan as he stood and walked out of the school house.
After he left, Elizabeth looked up at Lucas and sighed heavily, "Thank you, Lucas." He nodded, giving her a sad smile. and praying they'd be able to sort this situation out soon because his anxiety was at an ultimate peak now, knowing she no longer felt safe with him. She turned to Nathan and inquired, "Nathan, I know this is asking a lot, but is there any chance you'd have time to look into this place Ned mentioned? Find out if they actually have results with this sort of thing? Maybe see if they'd be willing to let you talk to anyone who has gone there? Who could give a recommendation?"
Nathan cleared his throat, "Absolutely. I can make some inquiries right now, perhaps even visit it tomorrow or Friday."
"Oh I don't want to you ask you to do that. Besides, if he's agreeable, it might be better to do this sooner rather than later," she noted. Lucas nodded in agreement.
Nathan remarked, "But I'd imagine a place like that might be rather expensive."
She nodded, whispering, "It's alright. I still have some of Jack's pension money you brought me. I'd intended to save it for little Jack for when he's older, but, well I know Jack would have been okay with this. More than okay with it. I think he would have wanted me to."
Lucas noted that Nathan bit his lip, asking hesitantly, "Are you sure? I don't mean to pry, Elizabeth, but you seemed so relieved when I gave you that. I kind of assumed you were struggling a bit."
Elizabeth swallowed, uncomfortable, but nodded, "I'm sure. I did need it, well not need it, per se but want it, I suppose, at the time." After a long pause, during which Lucas imagined she must be deciding whether or not she could withhold the reason from Nathan, she sighed, "Jack bought a piece of land before he died that he intended to build us a house on, he even drew up the plans himself, but I wasn't able to keep up with the payments on it after he passed and the bank was intending to foreclose on it, so most of that money, I used to clear the loan he'd taken out on it. So I could keep it." She shrugged, "Maybe that was silly. I don't know if I'll ever want to do anything with that land, but I just, well I couldn't let it go. It's where I go when I want to feel close to him still. And I wanted our son to be able to see this place his Daddy so loved. To have it be his if he wanted that one day. I didn't want anyone else building on it or destroying it, I suppose."
Lucas held his breath. When she spoke like this, her enduring love for Jack was so evident. It was a rather melancholy thing. It made him ache for her, for her loss, but it also inspired him, how deep her love for Jack had been. It always made him long more for her to love him that way too one day, so eternally. He knew if she let him, he'd love her like that too; he knew he may even do that if she never let him.
Deep in thought, she looked at Nathan and replied quietly, "Find out how much it costs. I'll sell it if I have to." Lucas saw the pain in her eyes as she thought of doing that. He knew he couldn't allow that to happen, though he also knew she wouldn't accept money from him if he offered it, particularly not for this purpose. But he'd figure out a way to save her from making that choice and he'd make sure she didn't know about it also.