Chapter 20: Where Is She, Hermione?

Fear of the Water by SYML

If I'm to Die by Keaton Henson

Harry hit the ground hard, his back cracked from the force of the impact. The blood rushing in his ears dissipated the moment he heard Hermione screaming his name.

"What?" He said, scrambling to his feet. "What happened?"

"Ron!" She cried, motioning to Ron.

Harry's jaw fell open as he stared down at his friend, bleeding and shaking on the ground. His right arm was mangled. It looked as if it had been chewed up and spit back out. Hermione was tearing at his robes, opening them up to get a look at the wound.

"Don't just stand there!" She cried. "My bag! Get my bag! I need the essence of dittany and a pain relief potion! Now, Harry!"

Harry moved, his heart racing as he grabbed the small beaded bag by her side, muttering a summoning charm into it for the potions and handing them to her.

"W-what happened?!"

"He's been splinched! Yaxley had a grip on us and I tried to shake him off. We can't go back to Grimmauld place, Harry. They'll have it turned over by now…"

"It's fine," He said. "It's fine. Is Ellie okay?"

He looked around, scanning the area for the familiar head of platinum hair.

"Harry, I… I don't know what happened but Ellie-

"No," Harry said. He shook his head as he closed his eyes trying to make sense of what happened. She let go. "No. No! Why? Why did she let go?!"

"I'm sorry Harry," Hermione said, tears streaming down her face as her shaking hands applied the Dittany to Ron's wound. "Yaxley had a hold of her and… and I think she let go."

"How?! How can she do that? You can't just let go mid-apparition!"

"It's risky," Hermione said, wiping her face on her sleeve. "It's really risky. But you can change your destination halfway through. If she let go and then focused on another point… She basically just used my apparition to spring-board her own."

"Where is she?" He asked.

"I-I don't know."

"Where. Is. she. Hermione?" He spoke each word slowly, knowing his anger was misdirected but unsure how to reel it in.

"I don't know, Harry. I-I'm sorry. I don't know where she is."

"Where the fuck is she?!" Harry roared, tearing his hands through his hair.

"Harry, we have to set up wards. Get the tent set up. We're too out in the open here. I know you're upset but we have to set up the wards," Hermione said, her sobs breaking into the words as she put the phial of pain relief potion to Ron's lips.

"What if she tries to look for us?" Harry asked, "If she tries to look for us and I set up the wards… Hermione, she won't…"

"I know," She said, taking a deep breath as the tears continued to race down her cheeks.

Harry pulled his wand out from his robes and began walking a large circle, whispering the charms to ward the area. Hermione adjusted Ron into a more comfortable position and began erecting the tent. They worked in near silence, the only sound Harry could hear was the sniffling coming from Hermione and the stuttering breaths from Ron.

Gone.

Just like that, blink of an eye, she was gone. He had been grasping her hand not even fifteen minutes earlier. She had casted her first corporeal patronus! He had felt elated when he saw the determination pulse through her as he held her face in his hands. She was marked and she did it anyway! She was incredible and he couldn't wait to tell her…

And now?

When he finished putting up the wards, he helped Hermione with the tent. Once it was up, he moved Ron inside, placing him carefully on the cot. He stared down at him, a strange mix of anger and sadness over taking him as he stared at his friend. His best mate. His brother. Why did it have to be Ellie? Ron had plenty of options, plenty of places he could go. If they were to get separated, Ron would have been fine.

But Ellie?

Ellie had no one else. She had no family she could safely turn to. She couldn't go back to Hogwarts without being turned over to Voldemort. She couldn't go back to her home without being turned over. Where could she have gone?

"I need some air," Harry mumbled, shoving his wand in his too-big robes and stepping out of the tent. He walked to the edge of the wards and sat down on the ground, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He placed his forehead on his kneecaps and took in a deep breath, trying to calm his anger. Trying to concentrate.

The coin, he thought. He pulled the charmed sickle from under his robes and held onto it.

Are you okay?

HP

He stared at the silver coin in his hand until his eyes blurred. Willing the stupid coin to heat up, to show that she's okay. If she responded he could figure out a place to meet her and apparate her back to where they were at now.

But what if she was injured? Ron had gotten splinched, what if Ellie had been hurt as well? Hermione and himself had been between Ellie and Ron, it would stand to reason that if Ron was splinched… He felt sick. Nauseous with the thought of her being alone somewhere, out in the open, nowhere to go, and injured. If someone found her, if Yaxley apparated with her… He tried desperately to quell the panic blooming in his chest. To calm the anger he was feeling. Why did she let go? Where would she apparate to? What made her think to let go halfway through the apparition? Why in the hell would she think that was a good idea?! There were four of them against one Yaxley. They could have easily taken him on!

Why the fuck did she let go?!

Harry shoved both hands through his hair, yanking on his scalp out of fury. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to break something. He wanted to scream and kick and cry. But he couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He felt like his chest was caving in, his lung collapsing in on themselves, strangling the breath that was left in his chest. His eyes were burning as he blinked furiously, trying to keep the tears behind his lashes.

Hours. Hours went by as Harry watched the shadows of the trees change. The sun began to dip below the horizon as he stared off into space, his eyes never really focusing on anything long enough to grasp it.

"There isn't a person alive who can touch the fire within you."

Her words from weeks previous echoed in his mind. He found them ironic, now. She thought there was no one who could touch his flame, but she didn't realize that she was the only one who could douse it completely.

When Cedric died, Harry felt scared. He was confused and terrified as to what would happen. He had just watched Voldemort rise from the dead and reclaim his army.

When Sirius died, Harry felt lost. The only real family- his family, that he had left was gone. He was angry and didn't know what to do with it. He had no idea how he would move on, how he would cope with losing the only family he had left in the world. The only person to treat him like an adult and trust him wholeheartedly. Sirius's death changed him.

When Dumbledore died, Harry felt shocked. He witnessed the death, watched as Draco raised his wand, and then lowered it. Watched as Elara begged her brother to rethink the choices he was making. Watched as Snape, a professor- an order member, killed him without even stopping to blink.

These deaths all built and stoked the fire within him. Fed his determination to continue, to push on and do what needed to be done. To finish the job, to defeat Voldemort. They shaped his mind and soul, groomed him for what was to come.

But losing Elara?

When she ended their relationship in February, he felt lost without her. He thought about her constantly and couldn't even look in her direction without wanting to break down. He knew she was something special the moment he laid eyes on her. He loved her from the very second he saw her in Madam Malkin's before their session at Hogwarts ever even started. He knew that now. He knew that his watching after her, his anger toward her for being a Malfoy… It was misdirected. Because the moment his eyes landed on the swirling silver of hers, he knew he was done for.

He knew, back in February, that even though she was ending things with him… Even though she was a marked Death Eater, it wasn't the end. He wouldn't allow it to be the end. And when she came back to him, when she confessed everything and tried to make things right again, he knew she was it. Elara Malfoy was it for him and he would do whatever he had to do to keep her safe.

But now? Now he felt hollow.

His chest ached with the emptiness. His mind was cold with numbness as the realization that she would not return to him anytime soon sunk in. He thought of his father. The stories he had heard about how much James loved Lily, and how he knew from the moment he saw her that she would be his forever. Harry understood that, now.

He wondered what his father would have done in this situation. Would he have abandoned the ship to find his mother? Would he put everything on hold until he laid eyes on her again? Until he knew she was safe? Or would he continue on with the plan? Would he have just accepted defeat and hope, pray, that one day soon they would be reunited? Of course, not. Because without a shadow of a doubt, Harry believed his father would have never let this happen in the first place. He wouldn't have let the love of his life get separated from him. He would have done something to-

"Harry?"

Harry looked up from the patch of dirt he was staring at, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to Hermione as she approached him.

"Are you okay? You've been out here for hours," She said.

"I'm…" His voice broke before he could even try to lie to her.

"Oh, Harry…" Hermione said, dropping down next to him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to do to find her. I tried sending her messages on the coin but…"

"She didn't answer," He said, knowingly. "I tried too."

"Harry, I don't know what to say to help you. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," He sighed. "I just… I don't… I don't know what to do now. I don't know where she could have gone. I… I feel so empty now, Hermione."

"I don't know where she went, either. I've been trying to figure out anywhere she could have gone. Trying to remember if we talked about anywhere secluded… But I just can't remember."

"I know the Malfoy's have a home in France, Marseille, I think." Harry said.

"International apparition is nearly impossible at that distance. Especially to let go while already apparating, I don't think she'd be there."

"Me either," He admitted. "I just don't know where else to look."

"I don't think we can, Harry. We can't apparate until Ron is healed. It'll just tear his arm apart again. I brought the wireless though. We can listen to that, see if there's any mention of her."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence as the sun set and the cool autumn air settled over them. The chill sent shivers through his back, but he couldn't bring himself to stand up and go into the tent. He stared up at the stars, making up his mind.

He would move forward. He would keep trying to locate the remaining horcruxes. Because if Elara was okay, if she was trying to find him, she would expect him to keep going. Because for whatever reason, she chose him too. She loved him too. And she believed that he would succeed. So he had to. For her.

Elara moaned in agony as a chill tore up her spine and caused a deep shiver to shake her from her slumber. She blinked, her eyes heavy, as she tried to remember what happened. Her entire body was freezing and she was shaking. Her left arm felt like it was on fire, and she couldn't move it.

Splinched.

She carefully sat up, pulling the disillusioned knapsack from her back and cancelling the charm on it. She cried out in pain when the shoulder strap that was resting over her left shoulder tugged on her arm. Elara opened the bag and dug around inside, breathing in relief when her fingers wrapped around the tiny glass phials. She pulled them out and saw them labeled as pain relief, and sighed. She was never more thankful for Hermione's over-planning than in this moment. She was so glad the witch had packed a few extra things in her bag for her, just in case.

She used her teeth to yank the stopper from the phial, spitting it into her hand and downing half the contents. She replaced the stopper and dropped the phial back into the bag. She needed a whole one, but she wasn't sure how much she had readily available and a half dose would be enough to at least take the edge off.

She stood as carefully as she could manage and began setting wards around the area. She felt woozy and nauseous on her feet. She stumbled around, tripping over the divots in the ground and swaying dangerously as she tried to remain upright to set the wards. She had to set them. No matter what, she had to set the wards. She was a wanted witch, having just been identified breaking into the Ministry with Harry. If someone stumbled upon her in the current state she was in, she would be delivered to Voldemort with a bow on her head. Looking down at the robes she wore, she could see she had lost a significant amount of blood. She would need blood replenishers, but she didn't have the energy to try to brew it.

By the time she finished setting up the wards, she was exhausted. She collapsed on the ground and stuck her arm into the bag again, pulling out two of the blankets she had shoved in the knapsack. She used her wand to tear through the fabric of one of the blankets, creating a sling to hold her arm in place. She grabbed her left wrist and gingerly bent her arm, tucking it into the makeshift sling and hoping that it would be enough for the night. She could wrap it tomorrow.

She wrapped herself in the remaining blanket and cast a few warming charms in addition to conjuring the small blue flames that Hermione had taught her. She found a jar of almonds in her bag and emptied them into a scrap of the blanket, tying it up and tossing it back into the bag. She filled the jar with water, drinking it down quickly before putting the blue flames in the jar and laying back on the ground. She curled her body around the jar, hoping it would be enough to keep her from freezing throughout the night.

When she woke the next day, she looked at her watch to see that it was almost noon. The face of the watch was broken and the chain with the sickle attached to it was missing. Her heart sank as she realized that Yaxley must have grabbed hold of it when he caught her wrist.

She vaguely remembered kicking the man in the face. She hoped it broke his nose.

She drifted in and out of sleep for most of the day. When she finally woke up again, she discovered getting her jeans down to relieve her bladder was almost more effort than it was worth. When she walked back to the center of the warded area, she began digging through her knapsack. She dug out the almonds she had dropped in earlier in the day and snacked on them as she pulled out the dozen or so phials Hermione had stocked. She sighed in relief when she found two that were labeled "Blood Replenish" in Hermione's perfect scrawl.

She opened one phial and took it down, grimacing at the taste. However awful the metallic taste of the potion, she felt slightly better within minutes. The ever lingering dizziness eased and she could feel some heat draw into her bones, ridding her body of the persistent chill that had taken over her since landing in the forest.

Two days passed. Two days that Elara's mind weaved in and out of consciousness. Sipping half doses of pain relief potion, to try and stretch what little stock of it she had. She drank as much water as she could conjure and fell back into oblivion for a few more hours before repeating the process.

On the third day, she woke with more energy than she had had since landing in the forest. She needed to heal her arm. She needed to keep moving. She had next to no coverage where she was, she needed to get supplies and food. She pulled a few books from her bag and her eyes lingered on a muggle medical text she had decided to bring with her from Hermione's house.

Hermione's parents were teeth healers. They had several volumes of interesting text about caring for teeth and performing procedures of the mouth they called 'surgeries'. The procedures were grotesque, borderline psychotic and Elara had been confused as to why anyone would ever willingly let a person slice their mouth open to extract teeth. And then use thread to…

Thread… Muggles used thread to sew their wounds back together.

Her heart began pounding in her chest, her stomach clenching at the realization of what she would need to do. Slowly, Elara pulled her arm from the sling, dry sobs tearing from her throat as she began to pull the robes from her body to get a better look at the wound. She nearly screamed when she had to raise her arm to remove her jumper.

Sucking in a few deep breaths, she flipped the medical book open to the chapter that talked about stitching the wounds closed. She felt the bile burning the back of her throat as she read the details of what was required. She needed a sterile needle and a special type of thread. She had neither. She stared at the page in defeat.

You're a Slytherin. Act like it. Use your resources.. A voice that strangely echoed Blaise's, screamed at her.

Resources? What resources? She was alone in the middle of a forest with a knapsack and… She tilted her head to the side, squinting at the bag. In the light of the sun, the polished goblin-forged platinum clasps caught her eye.

If she could remove the clasps from the bag, she could transfigure a needle. The platinum would certainly be strong enough to push through skin and she could easily sterilize it with a quick scourgify and the blue flames.

She held the clasp in her hand and pointed her wand at it, muttering any spell she could think of to try and separate the metal from the dragonhide exterior. She was silently cursing herself the entire time, becoming frantic when the metal refused to release. Nearly indestructible bag, a really good thing to have, sure. Really terrible to have when you need to pull it apart.

With a clever combination of a severing charm and a bombarda, Elara finally broke free the center of the buckle. A three inch long, thin piece of platinum. She sighed in relief as she whispered the spell to transfigure it into a needle and nearly cried when it worked.

She pulled apart the hem of the ministry robes she had been wearing, unraveling the thread that pieced the sleeves to the body and cast a scourgify on the material before looping it through the end of the needle, tying it into a knot so that it would hold. She grabbed a phial of pain relief potion and took two sips, knowing that if she took more than that, it would make her too loopy to continue.

She reached to the side of the book and pulled a stick off the ground and bit onto it before casting a deep cleaning spell on her arm. She cried out, her teeth clenching around the stick as her breath came in heavy pants.

You can do this, Elara. You have to do this. Harry needs you. You have to move, you have to find him.

Taking in several deep breaths to try and calm her nerves, she looked at the text one last time before blinking the tears from her eyes and piercing the needle into her skin. The sob that left her mouth sounded inhuman.

Elara blew rapid, hot breaths through her nose, wiping the tears that were collecting in her eyes on the back of her hand. She shoved the needle through the other side of her shoulder, tugging the thread through her skin and feeling her stomach turn in on itself as the layers of flesh tugged and pulled.

She continued working, the needle piercing her skin over and over as she pulled it through her shoulder at haphazard angles. A cold sweat had begun pouring down her back, her neck soaked, her hair sticking to it. She used her wand to levitate the needle and thread, driving it through the back of her shoulder, where she could not reach.

She could feel the shock taking over her body as she worked, tugging and pulling through layer after layer of blood soaked skin. Every puncture, worse than the last. As she rounded the front of her bicep, she screamed, biting down on the stick so hard it broke in her mouth as the needle refused to drive through easily. She could see the separation of connective tissues just below her skin, sinewy muscle pulsing beneath her fingers as she broke down, howling in pain.

She clenched her teeth, drawing in as much air as she could, ignoring the spittle that escaped through her lips as she steeled herself to push the needle further into her skin. Her fingers slipped from the blood soaking her arm and her throat burned as an ear piercing scream escaped her chest.

Finally, she was done. She used her wand to sever the thread and summon a phial of pain potion from her bag. She downed the entire thing and within moments, she lost consciousness. The last thing on her mind was the feel of Harry's hands holding her face, telling her she could do it as she looked into his eyes.

"I know you can do this, Ellie. I know you can. Come on, now."

.

.

a/n: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry for the day late update! I spent all of yesterday getting my sleeve tattoo finished. It was a NINE HOUR session and I was exhausted when I got home so I kind of just passed out. Wanna see it? Add my FB Group! Mimifreed Writing

Thanks for reading! My updates days hae gone back to sunday/wednesday. I will warn, I'm not 100% sure I'll be updating this sunday or if it'll be a day late. Sunday is my birthday so I have no idea what my husband has planned, but I'm gonna try and get the next chapter edited and ready to post anyway!

Please remember to leave a review! I always appreciate them!

thank you!

xo

mimi