solace

Yes, of course
I remember, how could I forget?
How you feel?

— "Thinkin' Bout You," Frank Ocean

S.T.A.R. Labs

"Guys guys guys! You have to come see this!" Cisco's voice was urgent.

What could it possibly be? Barry wondered as he rushed into the Cortex after his friend. We don't have time for anything; we need to focus on saving —

"Caitlin?" Barry exclaimed, seeing his dad tending to a seated figure. He stared at her in wonder and disbelief as his pace slowed.

"She's in shock," his dad said. "A little dehydrated and malnourished, but I think she'll be fine." Henry placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, just like Barry does.

Something in Barry's heart twisted at seeing his dad and Caitlin together — his two favorite doctors in the world.

Caitlin nodded shakily, a small smile appearing on her lips. "I'm okay," she promised. Even in this state, she was reassuring Barry.

Barry knelt down so he could meet her eyes on her level. He looked at her searchingly. "What happened? How did you get away?" He didn't doubt for a moment that if anyone could outsmart and escape Zoom, it was Caitlin Snow.

"He… let me go," Caitlin replied, disbelief apparent in her voice as well. Barry furrowed his brow, confused. That was unlike Zoom. He could see the same confusion in Caitlin's eyes. "I didn't think he would. I thought it was a trap," she continued. "But… he told me you were dead." Her voice finally cracked at that.

I didn't care what happened to me if you were dead, she thought, drinking him in with her eyes. Barry was alive Barry is alive Barry is here I'm home.

She was worried about me even when she was kidnapped, Barry thought with wonder. She has such a big heart.

"I'm not. I'm right here," he reassured her, his green eyes never breaking away from hers. "We're all here… together."

"You… you can't beat him. He'll overrun the city!" Caitlin's voice was getting a little panicky.

"No, no he won't. I know from being in the Speed Force that the universe is with us. And if the universe is with us, how can we possibly lose?"

Caitlin's mouth opened and closed as she processed this new information. " Right guys? " Barry said meaningfully.

"R-right, yeah," Jesse replied. Her dad raised an eyebrow.

"You should get some rest. C'mon," Barry said, standing and wrapping an arm around Caitlin. The other arm reached for her hand, interlacing her fingers with his.

"You were in the Speed Force? " Caitlin asked as they walked away, their backs to everyone's incredulous expressions.

"I… when you were gone, it's hard to explain, but we tried to get my powers back, and when the dark matter and lightning…" Barry started explaining in a soft, soothing voice. Caitlin surprisingly found herself tuning out, simply allowing the familiar cadences of Barry's voice wash over her.

You're safe you're safe you're safe you're safe.

They made their way outside, Barry's fingers still intertwined tightly with hers. This is nice, she thought.

Barry stopped short and looked around uncertainly. "Do you… want me to flash you home, or —?"

Caitlin shook her head adamantly. "I don't think I want to be flashed around by anyone for a while, no offense." She gave a twisted smile, exhaling shakily. "Being flashed from one earth to another while under captivity was a little traumatic."

"Yeah yeah no I get it," Barry said hurriedly. "I can drive you home? If you trust me with your car." A goofy grin spread across his face. "I am not a bad driver, I promise."

"I can drive —"

"No, Cait, let me. Please?" His puppy eyes came out. "Let me do this for you. You deserve to be taken care of for once; you always take care of me."

"Fine," she sighed, admitting defeat. Though she had to admit, she did enjoy being taken care of.

Barry's smile widened and he let go of her, holding out his hand for her keys. She missed the warmth and comfort of it immediately, but shook it off as she reached into her purse. "Go at a safe speed, Mr. Allen," she chided.

"Safety first!" he responded cheerfully.

They got into her cozy car and started up the engine. The radio came on when the car started, softly playing an R&B station. Barry looked at Caitlin, surprised.

"What?" she demanded.

"Nothing. I just didn't take you for an R&B girl."

"Hey. I only listen to classical music when I need to really focus, but I don't always have the taste of an eighty-year-old. Or a high schooler," she said, looking at Barry with an impish grin.

He groaned. "You're never gonna let go of the "Poker Face" thing, are you?"

"Nope."

He sang absent-mindedly to the song that was playing, his eyes on the road (that, Caitlin was glad of):

I've been thinkin' 'bout you (you know, know, know)
I've been thinkin' 'bout you
Do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya?

"You have a really good voice," she said softly.

"Thanks! My mom…" His voice softened. "My mom and I used to sing a lot together. We were really into musicals. And just music in general. You seem to like singing too…" He smirked, looking over at her.

"Hey! Eyes on the road! And, well. You've heard me sing. It's usually reserved for me in the car or in the shower — alone, where no one can hear my obnoxiously off-tune voice."

"Don't worry, it's cute, even if it is horrendously off tune."

It was so natural, so normal, so different than the trauma she'd just experienced, that for a small sliver of a moment, Caitlin could taste how it could've been. Her, a research scientist at S.T.A.R. Labs, him, a regular CSI at CCPD.

But their lives were anything but normal, and neither were they.

"Caitlin, I —"

"Barry, I —"

They started at the same time, then looked at each other and laughed sheepishly. "You go first," Barry offered.

Caitlin swallowed. "Barry, when I was kidnapped, all I could think about was you. If you were safe. If you were okay. If you got your speed back, how I could help… and Hunter — he hates you. I think he's jealous of you; he kept talking about how you only cared about winning Iris's love, how spoiled you are by having us around you… it's like he was trying to poison my mind. He told me he loved me, and that I would love him back, in time. I'm not sure how he got those feelings or that impression, but the thing…" Her voice faltered, but she continued bravely on. "The only thing that kept me sane was the thought of you. Iris had told me to tell you how I felt before all this happened, before I got kidnapped with Zoom, because life is short, but I never got the chance to. And you don't have to say anything now — I know I made it awkward when I told you how I felt the first time, and that was before Ronnie came back, but I wanted you to know that my feelings haven't changed. If anything… I think they're stronger than before. We've been through so much together, Barry, and you're always by my side when I need you. You're always there to save me, and I'll always be there for you."

She hadn't made eye contact with him the whole time, instead keeping her eyes on the road ahead, on the cars flashing by. Conversations were easier like this, looking straight ahead and simply letting the words spill out.

He was quiet for a long moment. As he pulled onto her street and parked her car by the curb, he took an audible breath and looked over at Caitlin, at the uncertainty and light burning in her brown eyes.

"Caitlin," Barry began, his green eyes focused on hers, "the one thing that kept me going, that kept me searching for an answer, that gave me hope when I lost my speed, that led me in and out of the Speed Force, was you. I needed to find you, to get you back, to hold you in my arms —" his voice caught, and he cleared his throat. "To tell you that it's okay, that you're okay. That I should've told you how I felt long ago, but I was embarrassed and jealous of Jay and you seemed happy without me. I never get the girl, you know? I guess ten plus years of unrequited love will do that. And I'm glad you and Iris are friends — I know I was a little obsessed with Iris, but time has shown me that I really latched onto her because there were no other females in my life, really. And what she has with Eddie is really good. But —" he reached out and grabbed Caitlin's hand again, his gaze intensifying as his fingers wrapped around hers once more, "— we were always meant to be together, I think. You've always been there when I wake up, always patched me up when I got hurt, always believed in me, even when I didn't have my speed. I would do anything to protect you. And I will save you, every. Single. Time. Though I know you're no typical damsel-in-distress, Dr. Snow." He grinned. "You're kind of a badass."

The air felt like it was twenty times thinner. The heaviness of their unspoken thoughts had cleared; there seemed to be electricity crackling in the stillness. There were no more words that could really be said — each had opened up their hearts and voiced the thoughts and feelings that were inside.

Caitlin's eyes were shining as she squeezed Barry's hand hard, conveying all she felt, conveying the fullness of her heart.

And Barry? Barry leaned across and pulled her close, capturing her lips with his. They were soft, exploratory, reverent. She closed her eyes, breathing in the warm smell of him — cinnamon, his cologne, a slight scent of rain and electricity crackling underneath the surface. Safe.

As they broke apart, Barry looked at her wonderingly. "Why do I feel like that's not the first time I've done that?" he questioned.

"Welllll, that's kind of a long story," Caitlin said, blushing. "Do you… do you want to come up?"

He nodded enthusiastically and got out, flashing over to open her door for her and reaching a hand out to help her out of the car.

She smiled at his gentlemanly tendencies. As they made their way up to her apartment, each lost in their own racing thoughts, both of them had one more unspoken question — what happens now?

"I'll be out here if you need anything?" Barry asked uncertainly. "I'm sure you want to take a shower."

"You read my mind," she said. "I'll only be a bit."

"Take your time," he waved her off. "It'll help you relax."

And relax she did. Caitlin turned on the shower to the hottest setting, letting the warm steam fill up her bathroom. She sprinkled lavender essential oil in the shower to calm herself down, breathing in the soothing aroma as she stepped in. The warm water scouring her body felt like a relief — not only was it wonderful to finally be clean after so many days, but also to wash off any hint of Hunter Zoloman on her body. The slight burning felt good; she used her favorite body scrub to truly scrub any traces of him off.

If only she could do that with her thoughts.

As she shampooed and rinsed her hair, running her fingers through it and adding conditioner, she took the time to still her swirling thoughts. Safe, she thought. I'm safe, we're safe, Barry's here, Barry feels the same way…

It was almost incomprehensible that he'd returned her feelings. For so long, she thought it'd be Barry-and-Iris. Then it was Barry-and-Linda. Then it was Barry-is-the-Flash-protecting-the-world. He still was, but there was room for her now too.

Maybe there had always been.

Feeling infinitely better, she stepped out of the shower and dried off with a white fluffy towel (one of her favorite feelings) and went through her nighttime skincare routine (even a kidnapping couldn't stop Caitlin from adhering to routine once she was home). Teeth brushed, toner-serum-moisturizer on, and lip balm smoothed over her lips, she changed into cozy pajamas and walked back out into the living room, hoping that she didn't keep Barry waiting too long.

He wasn't there.

She panicked, eyes darting around frantically. "Barry?" she called, her voice quavering. Whereishewhereishewhereishe?

"In here!" he called, his voice coming from the kitchen.

Thank God, she thought, making her way toward him. She sniffed the air. "Is that…"

Barry turned around from the stove, grinning at her as he flipped a pancake.

"Pancakes!" he finished enthusiastically. "My specialty. I thought you might be hungry, so I made you something. Breakfast for dinner is my favorite."

"Where did you get the ingredients? I haven't gone grocery shopping yet —"

"Oh, I went for you! I also made bacon and tea and eggs. Do you want chocolate chips in your pancakes? I can make them in a smiley face!"

His excitement was adorable, Caitlin thought, smiling at his beaming face. And he really likes pancakes. "A smiley face chocolate chip pancake would be fantastic, thank you," she said.

"Great!" He turned back around for a few seconds and produced a plate stacked high with chocolate chip pancakes — the chocolate chips all arranged in a smile, as promised.

"You're going to have some too, right? I can't finish these all by myself," Caitlin said, laughing. "Although I am pretty hungry."

"I'm always hungry," Barry said.

They sat down at the kitchen table, which Barry had thoughtfully set with knives, forks, maple syrup, and their mugs of tea. Caitlin's eyes widened as she took the first bite.

"What?" Barry asked worriedly. "Do you not like it? I can make them again, maybe blueberry—"

"No, no!" Caitlin reassured, after she finished chewing her bite. "It's so good. I've never had pancakes this good. Who knew you could cook, Barry Allen!"

He flashed her a smile. "This is actually the only thing I can cook," he admitted. "I'm pretty terrible at everything else. But my mom taught me how to make pancakes when I was little because we'd always make them for the family on Saturday mornings — those were the only days my dad had off. So I got real good at making them."

"That's so sweet, Barry. Your mom would be so proud of you."

"Thanks."

Their conversation flowed from there, Caitlin asking more questions about Barry's time in the Speed Force, her curious brain awakening. As they finished their meal and cleared the dishes, Caitlin could tell Barry was still a little unsure of whether she wanted him to leave or stay, so she thought she'd clarify.

"Can you flash home and —"

"Oh, of course! I don't want to be a bother —"

"Barry, let me finish!" she said with a laugh. "Do you mind staying? If you could flash home and get whatever you need for the night… I just… I don't really want to be alone right now."

His green eyes widened. "Yeah, of course! Be back before you know it." He winked and disappeared, leaving her freshly washed hair blowing in the wind of his wake.

It was approximately a minute before Barry came back — dressed in sweats, a S.T.A.R. Lab sweatshirt, and apparently freshly showered as well. He held a small bag in his hand — his toothbrush and clothes for tomorrow, she supposed. "True to your word," she said.

He still hovered at the doorway of her bedroom, even after she had walked in. "Are you sure?" he said softly.

"Yes," she replied, reaching for his hand. "Just sleeping. Like last time, but without the evil dress and me puking everywhere."

"Of course!" he said, turning bright red.

She snuggled under the covers and pulled the blankets up so he could get in too. As she felt her eyelids growing heavy, she could feel Barry's body curling protectively around hers. "Barry?" she asked sleepily, her voice thick.

"Mmm?"

"Thank you for everything."

"Always. G'night, Cait," he replied, pressing a kiss on the back of her head.

"G'night, Barry," she murmured, already drifting off to sleep.