A/N: I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all the reviews, follows, and faves. I managed to get this chapter done over the weekend and a solid start on the next chapter.

RPOV

I know the couple therapy sessions I've had so far are in no way sufficient to resolve the issues I'm facing, but these first few steps to better health have helped me feel calmer and more in control. I think control is the operative word here. So many things had been beyond my control, from acquiring the virus in the first place to those days in the hospital when my life hung in the balance, and then to how my mind betrayed me when I returned to Trenton. For someone like me, who has prided myself on my self-control, the feeling of not being in control has been difficult to handle. Beginning work with Tom and Cathryn has helped just by making me feel I'm taking active steps to regain control over my mind.

My session yesterday with Tom was enlightening. I hadn't considered how my focused thoughts on Steph during those darkest days were now linked to the feeling of being helpless and struggling to live. Understanding the connection has also helped with my feeling more in control of myself. I have every confidence that Tom will help me through this, back to a place where I can have a Someday with Babe, if she'll still consider it after how I've acted.

I thought Tank would be pissed when I finally made it into the office just before noon yesterday following my unscheduled detour after my sessions. Instead, he seemed genuinely pleased when I stopped by his office on my return. He asked if I'd had a nice hike, letting me know he'd checked my trackers. I'd turned them on after I'd left the New Directions Center. But then he told me I should take whatever time I needed, that he could hold down the fort. Of course, after that, he loaded me up with contracts, payroll reports, and time off requests to review and approve. Every day, I have another stack of paperwork to keep me busy. I appreciate he's concerned about me, and I agree with his decision to keep me out of the field for the time being, but I'm starting to go a little stir crazy being cooped up behind my desk every day. He stopped dragging me down to the bonds office a week ago, right around the time Elena showed up at my apartment. That's no coincidence. I'm certain those two have talked, and he likely knows everything I told Elena that night about what I've been facing.

Speaking of going stir crazy, I need a break from these contracts I've been reviewing. I toss my pen down on my desk and stand to stretch my legs. I head out of my office to the break room to grab a mid-morning snack. I've been grateful that thus far I haven't been subjected to overhearing talk about the guys' dates with Steph. Of course, I have been avoiding the break room during peak times when it's more likely there will be a group of guys in there talking with one another.

I grab an apple from the bowl on the counter and a yogurt from the fridge. As I turn to leave, something on the bulletin board catches my eye. I should leave without looking it over, but I find I just can't help myself. It's the calendar of when the guys have their dates with Babe. Surprisingly, I'm unaffected by it as I read several of the names, but then a name catches my eye, and anger explodes within me. What the fuck? How did Tank think this was okay? I snatch the calendar from the bulletin board and storm into Tank's office. I slam the door behind me, and Tank looks up with an eyebrow raised.

"How are you possibly allowing this to happen?" I shout as I slam the calendar onto Tank's desk, volume be damned. "I'm looking over this calendar of dates, and Junior's down here for a date on Saturday for brunch. He's MARRIED for fuck's sake, with two kids! How the fuck do you think that's appropriate?"

Tank begins to laugh, chuckling softly at first but slowly growing in volume until his whole body is shaking with laughter. I look at him incredulously. Has he lost his damn mind? I continue to glare at him until he started to get his laughter under control. He wiped his eyes as his laughter began to subside. The fucker was actually laughing so hard he was crying, which was only serving to piss me off further. I feel like I'm about to rip this throat out. "What the fuck is so funny?" I demand.

At that, Tank's laughter re-erupted and soon, he was howling with laughter. I'm not amused and stand there glaring at him until he finally got it under control enough to speak.

"Here's what's funny, Ranger. Junior wasn't going to ask Steph out, but he went home and told Janelle about how the other guys were all going to be taking Steph out on dates. Janelle asked him when his turn was." Tank paused to laugh again, before continuing. "Junior was confused as hell as to why his wife wanted him to go out with another woman, until she explained. She didn't want him to go out with Steph by himself, but she wanted him to use his 'date' to invite her over to their house to have a meal with the whole family. Apparently, Janelle wants to introduce Steph to their girls. She's been concerned because every woman in their family works in a traditional female job. Janelle's a nurse. Her mom is a school secretary. The girls' aunts are teachers, nurses, or work in retail. She wants Janey and Jilly to get to know a woman that doesn't fit into that traditional model. Introducing them to Steph, a woman who has worked with their dad and captures bad guys for a living, will show the girls that they can explore roles outside the ones they've seen woman play in their own family.

"Junior came to me and asked if it was okay. I told him he didn't need my permission to ask Steph over to meet his family, and he could have done it anytime he wanted, even before we started OBB."

"OBB?" I asked.

"Operation Bombshell Bachelorette," Tank explained.

"Santos coin that?"

Tank snorted. "What do you think?"

I nodded. The name has Les' fingerprints all over it.

"So if you are upset about Junior's name on there, I'm surprised you aren't going ape shit over Luis and Ella's names being on the calendar, or did you not notice that?"

I hadn't been attempting to keep a blank face, wanting Tank to see how furious I was, but now this worked against me as I know my surprise at Tank's comment registered on my face. My eyes flicked down to the calendar, trying to catch where their names were. When I looked back up, Tank was smirking at me. Bastard.

"Of course not. Your brain short-circuited as soon as you saw Junior's name, and you didn't consider any alternatives to the incorrect assumption you made. None of these guys had to wait for me to tell them they could do this, not Junior and not the single ones, but no one wanted you to question their motives in spending time with Steph."

I started to open my mouth to respond, but Tank was on a roll.

"Shit, Ranger. Don't you get it? You bring this woman into our lives. Make her more important than anything else. Have us all pledge to take care of her in your absence. Then you can't fucking figure out that the guys enjoy being with her?" Tank was continuing to laugh at me. This was not the reaction I was expecting.

"You know what's really sad?" he continued. His laughter giving way to anger. "Steph considers all the guys her friends, but she isolated herself from all of us because of the way you treated her when you got back. Avoiding her, ignoring her, treating her like she wasn't important to you, like you weren't her friend. She was hurt by your actions and chose to avoid more hurt by staying away from RangeMan. That coming on the heels of the two months of quarantine, and Morelli's betrayal before that? I don't know if you even understand the damage you were doing. I don't know what happened to you that got your brain scrambled and what the connection is to Steph, because whatever happened seems to have most significantly impacted how you act towards her. I'm not pissed that you are struggling with something, but I am pissed at how you failed to deal with it. You know how important it is to take care of your mental health after a mission goes sideways. That's what I'm pissed about. You came back to Trenton and threw yourself back into the trenches during the worst public health crisis in our lifetimes without immediately seeking the healthcare you needed for yourself. The docs were all doing telemedicine visits. Hell, did you not read any of the dozens of emails from our health insurer about the importance of taking care of our mental health during the crisis? You could have started sessions with Tom without even leaving your apartment.

"So screw you, Ranger. I spent weeks poking and prodding you, trying to get you to own up to there being a problem. But you shut me out and refused to address the issue. So you don't get to come in here pissed about the consequences. You don't get to be pissed that the guys enjoy spending time with Steph when you haven't even called her yet. You know, you could have avoided all of this if you'd at least done the bare minimum to let Steph know you still care about her. You didn't have to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her about your future life plans, or fuck, even call and talk to her. How about an email or text telling her you were struggling to readjust but wanted her to know you would call when you got yourself straightened out? Hell, send her one of those giant cookies with a message written on it. Whatever. Just something to acknowledge her. But you didn't do any of that. You acted like she wasn't even there. So now you're going to have to deal with the fallout.

"My suggestion is find a damn way to tell her you care about her, and put the damn calendar back up where you found it. And I don't want to hear any more complaints from you until you've contacted her."

Fuck! I swallowed, trying to make the rock stuck in my throat go away. He was right, and there wasn't a single thing I could say in rebuttal. The soldier in me recognized the need to retreat. I was being soundly defeated in this battle with Tank, and my only recourse was to fall back and regroup. I picked up the calendar from his desk, turned, and strode from his office. The entire 5th floor was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. There's no doubt, everyone on the floor heard my outburst. Fuck! I returned the calendar to its place on the breakroom bulletin board and went back to my office, closing the door behind me. I needed some privacy right now to pull myself back together after Tank had so thoroughly dismantled me.

I sat in my desk chair, staring out the window without really seeing anything. My mind was racing, knowing I need to figure out a way to let Steph know she is still important to me, but at the same time, keeping myself grounded in the here and now. I can't let myself dwell on her too long or the anxiety that's been inhabiting my body for the last several months will overtake me.

My brain is already nearing overload status. I look down at my desk and realize I won't be able to concentrate on work right now. I haven't worked out yet today. Maybe a few miles on the treadmill will help re-center me.

I made it down to the gym, changed into running shorts in the locker room and stepped up on one of the treadmills. I let my brain focus on the pounding of my feet, blocking out other thoughts attempting to invade. My legs felt leaden, and I can't seem to find my stride. I'm not finding any enjoyment in this. Disgusted, I hit the stop button on the treadmill and step down. I need to get out of here. I feel like the walls are closing in around me. I exit the gym and hit the stairwell, taking the stairs down to the ground level and exit the building through the lobby, giving a brief nod to Woody who is on the front desk. I start down the street and before long, I start to feel the familiar rhythm I once felt in running. The sun is out today, and it's starting to heat up. I probably should have grabbed a bottle of water before starting out, but I don't think I'll be out that long. I work my way along the sidewalks, not thinking about the direction I'm headed, but finally feeling enjoyment in physical exercise. Before I know it, I look up and realize where I've run. I'm standing in the parking lot of Steph's building. I look over and see her car parked by the dumpster. I know I won't go up, but somehow, it feels right that this is where I came even if I wasn't consciously thinking about it. As I stand there, staring up at her window, my mind returns to Tank's words. I feel like there's something sitting at the edge of my brain about what he said, something important in his words besides the obvious message that I need to make contact with Steph, but I can't quite grasp what it is. Shaking my head as though to clear it, I turn and start to head back to RangeMan. Maybe Tom will have some insights tomorrow that will help me take the next step.