CHAPTER 27
Street lay on the sofa at Luca's and aimlessly flicked through channels as his head tried to make sense of what just happened. Chris's voice echoed in his ears. 'Look you said she makes you happy.' In that moment he had desperately wanted to stop her, to tell her that she makes him happy too, but he knew what she meant. He knew she was doing what was right for her. When his phone lit up on the seat beside him, he looked at it hopefully. Maybe she had changed her mind and was calling back to talk it out more. But there it was. Molly's name. He felt himself let out an involuntary sigh. God, he should not be feeling disappointed that his amazing girlfriend was texting him. He opened her text which simply read.
"I'm on my way back now." Molly was out picking up take out and a few things he needed. She had been doing her best to try to get passed all the drama with Chris, and just help him recover. She had been amazing, but he knew that there was stuff she was holding in, bottling up and that this stuff with Chris was the main issue.
As the news bulletin started, Street saw a story about the big case 20 David had been on. He turned up the volume as he saw footage of Chris and Tan standing near Black Betty. Just actually seeing her made him think about what has happened. He really wanted, wants, this relationship to work with Molly, but, at the same time he knew he didn't want that to mean that he no longer had Chris in his life either.
Her comments played back in his head. "You need to take some time. Talk to her. Make a damn decision. Until then I will stay away."
Had Chris given him the signal to end it with Molly? Did she mean if he didn't, they wouldn't be friends? Did she mean if he did, maybe they could try something together? No, this was all a hell of a lot more complicated than that. He was so lost and confused.
Molly sat at the traffic lights, tapping her thumbs on the wheel. She puffed out her cheeks and blew out a breath, feeling physically sick, worried and torn up about how things were with Jim right now. 'I refuse to compete with someone else,' she muttered angrily. As she pulled into the drive and climbed out of her car with the bag of Chinese takeout, she was thinking about how to bring all of it up and actually talk to him. She knew that leaving things like this just because he was injured was not really going to help in the long run.
"Hey," he smiled from the sofa as she came in.
"Hey," she answered looking down and undoing her boots.
"Wow, that smells amazing, even from over here."
"Yeah, see I told you that Mr Lim's is the best Chinese in LA." She said as she walked to the coffee table placing the bag down. She paused and looked about. "Oh um, I'll grab us some plates and a drink each. Water or soda?"
"Oh, I can do that." He said going to get up.
"Jim," She looked at him sternly. "The doctor said you need your rest for the next few days. So, sit down." He huffed a little knowing she was right and just as, if not more stubborn, than him. "Water or soda?" She repeated.
"Uh, soda please."
He watched her walk to the kitchen and move about. He could tell that she was feeling a little weird and that she needed to talk. He figured that she was doing her best to just be happy and smile so that he wouldn't bring it all up again. But as he chewed his lip and eyed her, he knew that this limbo they were in couldn't last forever.
They sat an ate for a while in silence as they watched the TV.
"Wanna watch a movie?" He asked taking another dumpling from the tray with his chopsticks.
"Sure." Even her answer was quiet and short.
He frowned a little trying to think what to say to fix this. As he flicked the channels towards the movie channel, he momentarily passed another story about 20 David's big case. He stopped and watched for a few seconds. Molly looked from the TV back to him.
"Is this what the guys have been working on?" She asked, gesturing towards the screen.
"Uh, yeah 20 David have, I think. I don't think 50 David were involved though." Molly nodded quietly taking another mouthful of her food as she watched him watching the screen.
"Do you wish you were back on 20 David?" She asked between mouthfuls. Jim turned and looked at her surprised.
"No, I um, am happy where I am. Why?" He asked looking back at the TV and taking another bite, as footage of one of the scenes they were at played.
"You don't miss them? Hondo, Deacon, Tan, Luca and Chris I mean."
Street darted his gaze back to Molly. "I mean yeah, but," he paused and looked back at the TV. "I have, um, found a good thing with 50 David and I mean 20 David are still there for me, still my family too." Molly slid forward on the sofa and put down her plate on the coffee table. She nervously rested her hands on her knees as she turned towards him.
"Jim, we need to talk." She slowly turned to him drawing her eyes along his arm and slowly up to his face. Which told the truth about their current situation, his brows were slightly furrowed, and he bit at the inside of his lip as his left dimple quivered. He knew that what was coming was not good.
"Okay?" He slowly said putting down his plate and turning his knees towards her. He contemplated shuffling over closer, but she looked pretty tense. "You alright? Why does this sound like whatever is coming is bad? Like one of 'those' talks?"
"Because, Jim, this might just be one of those talks." Molly swallowed hard, letting him take her hand as she blinked and took a deep breath to steady herself. She dropped her gaze to her feet. "I just can't, I can't keep ignoring this." She tensed her fingers and pulled them back from him as she closed her eyes. "It's eating at me and I ..." a tear building in her eyes as she moved her body away from him slightly.
"Molly! Hey, come here please." He pleaded with her, reaching for her hand again, but she pulled them all the way back and almost growled at him,
"No, not until you start being honest like you promised." She stood up from the sofa and turned back to him. "You told me at the café that you would be open and tell me everything. No more hiding things. But it still feels like you are!" She flapped her arms in exasperation. Street watched her, clearly upset, clearly in a state and clearly finally ready to get this out in the open.
"Okay." He began to get up and move to her, his hands reached for her shoulders. "Molly, please can we sit and talk?" She didn't answer him, just let out a sigh, dropping her shoulders and nodded.
"Thank you," he said sitting down and waiting for her to sit. "Now start at the start and tell me why you are feeling like this?"
"JIM!" It flew out of her mouth before she had time to stop herself. It was angry, loud and aggressive. She looked at him and shook her head in disbelief. "Are you friggin' kidding me? It's all of it! Everything! The fact that you haven't understood that or that I have to spell it out?"
"I'm trying Molly." Jim said. "I really am. I am trying to understand." Molly closed her eyes and dropped her head into her hands.
"Hey, come on, please, I spoke with Chris about your chat with her in the parking lot, like you suggested. I asked her why you would be upset about her visiting." He offered.
Molly slowly drew her head out of her hands and looked at him. "You did? When?"
"Um, I called her while you were out. I wanted to understand, to know how to fix this mess."
Molly pursed her lips and nodded. She had to admit that she didn't like the fact that he had called her while he was out. She hated herself for that. But it made her feel jealous, and a niggling feeling burnt away inside her. "Ok, so did she explain why I was actually upset?"
"Um, not in detail, I guess. I mean she said she thinks you want her to stay away."
Molly scoffed and stood up again, turning away and pacing. "Jim, I am not a crazy jealous girlfriend. We aren't in high school here." Her furrowed eyebrows and raised voice conveyed her anger and frustration. "Ok, look I will SPELL it out." She raised her arms around clearly becoming agitated. "I was not upset because I heard her telling you how scared she was that she had lost you, that you were still important to her. I know that's what I should expect with how close you guys are. But!" She pointed her finger in the air and looked at him.
"I am upset about the way she kissed your forehead and stroked your face and looked at you. Let's just say that it didn't leave much room for me to question how she feels. And Jesus, yes Jim, it hurt." She exhaled and continued to pace the floor. Before taking in a deep breath and sitting across from him on the other sofa. "….and look, now that I have had some time to think it over, I realise that she feels more than 'best friends' for you Jim, and I think you…." She paused as if hesitating whether to continue. "I think you probably have those feelings for her too. So, look I think it might be best if you take some time and work it all out."
"Molly, please!" Jim stood up and moved closer. He went to put a hand on her shoulder, but she was stiffened and still giving off enough of a vibe that he just sank down on the seat next to her. She looked sideways at him without lifting her head. Rubbing her face, she inhaled.
"I know you told me about the kiss, that she pushed you away after and that things got messy between you two. But Jim, have you two actually talked about the bigger issue I am seeing and feeling here?" Molly looked at him, holding out her hands to emphasise the point.
"Yeah, we did, we worked it out. We agreed to just go focus on our own lives."
She again scoffed at him and shook her head. "Jim, can you really not see it? She might have told you to just go get on with your life, that she wanted to try with Ty and Kira. But, God, this frustrates me now that I see it. I can't unsee it. She is in love with you Jim!"
Street sat shocked. Part of him was still sure Molly was just feeling insecure and jealous and he desperately wanted to fix that. "Molly, no? What do you mean? She made it very clear to me that there was no hope of an 'us', a me and her."
She straightened her cardigan and turned her body to look at him. "Please answer this one question seriously and honestly and take your time to think about your answer." Molly paused as his eyes danced back and forth with hers. "Do you have those kind of feelings for her Jim? Do you love her?" He sat frozen looking at the floor. His hands on his legs as he slowly closed his eyes and swallowed hard.
"Molly, come on, you know that Chris and I have a complicated past." He slowly looked back up. Molly shook her head and scrunched her lips, looking away from him. Her face and body language showed just how pissed off she was right now. "Look, I know you don't like her being around and you think that she is an issue for us. But Molly. I am here with you. Not her. I want to do this with you. I want us to give this the best damn shot we can. I want to make this work."
"JIM!" She shouted, "For God's sake!" She interrupted, her voice rising. "Just answer the damn question! DO YOU LOVE HER? YES or NO?"
Jim let out a breath and dropped his head. He couldn't look at her right now. He felt like the biggest pile of shit. He knew the time to be honest was here and he had no way of not hurting one of these amazing women. He pursed his lips and nodded slowly.
"Yes, I do." Came out but was almost a whisper. He felt Molly stand up. "Molly, please, talk to me, let me talk this through with you and,"
"Jim." Molly inhaled slow and hard. She stood with her eyes closed for a second. When she spoke again her voice was firm, but soft. "I am going home now. I am giving you space to think. Time for you to decide what you want in your life. I will not sit here doing this with you when another woman already has your whole heart. I am doing this for us both." She took her purse and turned back to him as he stood up and stepped towards her. "When you know what you want call me or text me and let me know." Molly reached for the door.
"Hey, wait," Street pleaded.
Meanwhile Luca and Chris drove down the block, chatting about all that had been happening at work lately. As she pulled her truck into Luca's driveway he commented,
"Oh, look Molly's still here. That means I won't have to chase after the invalid today." He laughed jokingly. Chris grimaced and nodded.
"Yeah!"
"Hey, you know, I really really appreciate this Chris. My old girl is gunna need a bit of work I guess."
Chris smiled, deflecting Luca's attention back away from any talk of Street or Molly. "Yeah, it's okay I don't mind. Rest in peace." She giggled crossing her heart. "That old truck of yours has had a good life." They both laughed and climbed out. Chris reached in the back of the truck to grab Luca's bags.
"I'll get Tuanna to give me a lift in in the morning. I won't ask you to travel out of your way."
"Yeah, no worries. You know I am happy too though; I was…." Her words were cut off by the door opening. She turned to see who it was. Praying that she would not have to see him, not right now, not after what she had just said on the phone. Chris's breath caught in her throat as Molly stepped out onto the porch.
"No! I am done. This is for the best. Goodbye Jim." She held up her hand at Street who was closely following her out the door.
"Please, Molly." He begged. They both stopped noticing Chris's truck in the drive. Luca hadn't seen or heard them emerge from the other side of the truck, so he continued teasing Chris, loudly calling,
"Hey, this would all be a lot easier if you still lived here with Street and I." Molly huffed and nodded.
"Perfect, see perfect." She mumbled walking briskly down the path to her car parked on the street. She got in and drove away in a hurry. Leaving Chris, Luca and Street all standing there in disbelief.
As Molly drove away, tears fell. She swiped at her eyes and thumped the wheel. Once she was a few blocks away she pulled over and sat crying. Her mind raced back to the LAPD Picnic. The day Jim had taken a bullet to the vest whilst out with 50 David. She remembered how he had been looking around the picnic for Chris. How he explained that day that they were in a complicated place and he wanted to fix it. Then she remembered the night at the bar, on the pier, when Street had spilled her drinks. She realised now that that had happened because he was rushing to be with Chris. Molly hated herself that she hadn't realised all of that sooner. She felt like an idiot.
Back in Luca's driveway, Luca kicked at the pavement and mumbled,
"Oh boy, well yeah, um?" As he looked at Chris, who stood shell shocked. Her eyes wide as she glanced back at Luca.
Street sighed, putting his hands in his pockets and looking up at the sky. Before turning back to head inside. He gave Chris and Luca a look as he opened the door. Almost a sad smile, mixed with frustration and regret.
Luca turned back to Chris. She still just stood there. "Um, ok." She mumbled as she dropped her gaze, not knowing what to say or do in that moment. She handed Luca his last bag. "I will, um, see you tomorrow."
"Oh, hell no! Chris, you aren't just leaving me with him now like that and going home." Luca said looking from her back up to the door.
"Yep I am," she answered opening her truck as Luca's phone began to ring. He held up his hand as if to tell her to wait. He spoke quickly and ended with,
"Okay, I'll be waiting. Love you too." Chris just looked at him and shook her head. Luca looked back at her pleadingly.
"I am sorry Chris. Tuanna is almost here to pick me up. I'm already late, and she has been waiting, if we miss Kelly's performance," Chris sighed and flared her nostrils a bit as her lips twitched. "Look, please just check he is ok before you leave." She again shook her head and a small smile appeared on her lips because she knew Luca was kind of enjoying the fact that he was leaving her with this.
"Okay, fine! Go." She said waving her hand at him as Tuanna's car pulled in the drive. Luca walked past her and hugged her,
"Thank you, Chris. I owe you."
Chris just laughed and nodded. Waving to them before turning back and looking at the door. She really did not want to go in there. She inhaled a big deep breath through her nose and wiped her hands on her pants. She glanced at her feet willing them to move. Slowly, tentatively. She took small steps up onto the porch. The boards squeaked a little under her feet as she made her way to the door. She paused and knocked. 'What the hell am I gunna say?' She thought to herself. There was no response to her knocks. She gently wriggled the door handle. It clicked open and she let the door swing as she peeked her head in looking about. There was no sign of him anywhere. The sofa was empty. The takeout sat on the coffee table. She hesitantly stepped inside and closed the door. Looking about she wondered where he went. 'To his room? Or out back?' She muttered, approaching the kitchen and back area. As she slid back the curtain and looked outside, she could see him through the glass, sitting on the picnic table. His head down in his hands. Slowly she opened the door and walked along the paving to the edge of the table.
"Hey," she said softly.
He turned his head looking at her surprised. "Hey? Oh, I thought you were Luca."
"He, um, had to go see Kelly's performance." She paused as he nodded and looked back down.
"So, he made you come and check on me huh? After the disaster you guys witnessed out there." He said motioning to the front of the house.
"Yeah, I guess, something like that." She mumbled.
"Well, you don't have to worry. Just go. I'm fine."
She could feel the iciness in his voice as she fiddled with her fingers. "I promised I'd make sure you were alright, so…."
"I'm not a baby Chris! I'm a fucking screw up!" There was a pause as Chris momentarily closed her eyes and lowered her head. It hurt hearing him talk like this. "Molly is, well, it's pretty much just over. I can't fix it this time." He continued.
"Jim," Chris took another step closer. "I'm sorry, I, shit, " she muttered shaking her head.
"For what?" He interrupted, looking at her.
"I don't really know what to say right now." She whispered. Street looked back down at the ground. "Just, ah, please don't do anything stupid." She added.
"Yeah." He nodded without looking at her.
Chris tapped the table nervously. "Ok, well. Night."
"Night." He mumbled briefly lifting his hand up in her direction.
Chris turned in the dark and walked back around the side to her truck. She paused as she closed the gate and blinked back tears looking up at the nights sky. 'How the hell did we get here?' She thought as she swallowed hard and tapped her hand on the gate, turning away. Part of her wanted to go to him and hug him and tell him she was sorry for her part in this. But she knew she still needed to give him space. Climbing in and reversing out, she felt tears run down her face. This was partly her fault and she felt like absolute crap right now.
Street sat on the table and stared blankly at the ground. He couldn't believe he had stuffed this up so badly. The pain he saw in Molly's eyes when he admitted that he loved Chris made tears flow as his body shook and shuddered. Whilst wiping his face, his thoughts turned to Chris. The woman he knew he loved unconditionally had just been there, right in front of him, worried and concerned for him and he had, for the most part, ignored her and pushed her away too. It made him shudder and cry again. He hoped though, that she would understand he wasn't trying to hurt her. That he was just in a crappy place and felt like shit for hurting Molly like that.
The next day, Chris woke up to the perfect cliché. Birds singing, the sun shining and happy music playing on her radio. She raised her eyebrows and rolled away from her window wondering, 'Why the world was so happy today? and she felt like this.' Her best friend and if she was being honest, the man she had undoubtedly fallen in love with, was hurting, in a mess and seemingly didn't want her around either. She tugged up the covers tighter as she thought about seeing him again. Probably not for a while. He wouldn't be back at work for a few weeks. Dread was filling her stomach. She felt anxious. Part of her wanted desperately to talk to him, to make sure he was ok, her mind continually asked 'Should I try and text him? Apologise maybe? Say something, anything to him? Or should I just leave it? Let him take the lead?' 'No,' she muttered to herself. "I told him I would give him space, so I will."
Streets day so far had been uneventful. He didn't mind too much though. It had given him the chance to focus on some physical therapy. He liked that. He was alone at Luca's. No one to ask questions about why he was so quiet or anything. He got to try and forget about everything and just get on with recovering.
He paused a few times that morning and thought about calling Molly though. Or texting her. He knew he should probably have a conversation with her soon. He needed to tell her he was so sorry. That she deserved better. To make sure she knew she should just move on and forget him. As he looked at the return to work paperwork on the dining table, he noticed the highlighted section that asked for the Commanders signature following the Doctors recommendation. He soon found himself wondering if and when Molly would tell Hicks what had happened. He closed his eyes and exhaled leaning on the table. That was probably going to be something he would in some way pay for. Maybe the Commander would assign him shifts of crappy stocktakes or worse. But really, he only had himself to blame. The others had warned him not to date the bosses daughter.
'Maybe I should tell the Commander first? Own up, be upfront? No, God no.' He whispered quickly dismissing that thought. That would only piss Molly off more. But he desperately wanted to know her plans for telling her father. As he placed the pages back down, he asked himself, 'Do I want to try to fix things with Molly? Or should I just let it go? Can she, or we, ever get passed the me still loving Chris thing?' The thoughts swam around and around in his head like a whirlpool.
Meanwhile back across town, Molly was busy at work. Her phone hadn't stopped ringing today and the cases seemed to be coming in thick and fast. She was thankful for that. It didn't give her time to sit in pity wallowing. She had made a conscious effort this morning with her outfit and appearance and loved the confidence boost it gave her. During her lunch break she sat outside in the courtyard of her office building. She was reading over a case file when out of habit, sirens made her look up. A few LAPD cars flew by and it made her instantly think of Jim. She frowned and blinked. Begging herself not to cry. She glanced at her phone. He hadn't called or sent a text and she assumed his silence was an indicator that it was definitely over between them.
As the next few weeks passed by, Chris stayed busy at work and helped her Uncle with his business in her days off. Chris had stuck to her guns and not contacted him. She had though been asking Luca regularly how he was doing. Deacon had been extra watchful, as he knew something big had happened just from observing Chris's behaviour.
Jim had listened, done what both Chris and Molly had told him. He had taken some time. To just be by himself. To think about what he really wants. After a week and a half of coming to the same conclusion each time, he text Molly. He asked her if they could talk. Just talk. He explained that he wanted and needed to let her know somethings. He had realised that after Chris told him to "go get on with his own life," that he had been putting too much focus on just succeeding at things. Trying to prove to himself that he was not a failure or a screw up. So, when Molly had asked him out, he saw a chance to prove to himself that he could build a real meaningful relationship with a woman, and for a while there he was doing well with that. Well, until Chris appeared that night in the rain on his doorstep. He admitted to himself that he and Molly, just didn't have that spark, that chemistry that he had with Chris though. He knew he needed to be honest and tell Molly that he was sorry. That he never meant to hurt her. That she was an amazing woman, and any guy would be lucky to have her. Molly had been hesitant when she had received his text. She had left it for a day before agreeing to a Friday lunch meet up. In the meantime, Jim was focused on his recovery and finally getting the clearance to return on light duties. He honestly was in a mess though about going in to get the Commander's signature. It made his stomach knot up and his hands start to sweat.
Molly had thrown herself into work and hanging out with her girlfriends again and would actually say she was doing ok, considering. She was sad yes, still a little heartbroken and raw yes, but she knew deep down, inside, that this was for the best. She had agreed to meet Jim as she needed a form of closure, or maybe just wanted to hear his explanation or whatever it was that he needed to say.