A/N: Two updates in 24 hours. Are you sick of me yet? Note for anyone who might have missed the last update, there is some neat stuff happening in the previous chapter that I added less than a day ago. You may want to read that chapter before this one.
Cuz I updated. Twice. In one day.
To answer a question from the previous chapter: Cindy and Mindy are show canon. I didn't create them. I just twisted them into my own version. Marlene and co. created them.
This one is rated M-ish, but don't go getting too crazy excited until you read why.
Chapter 22:
Control
Around the time Alison started interrogating the twins, Emily and Caleb were parking outside the bar. They both quietly scanned the area, neither sure what they were looking for. Caleb took stock of the bar, carefully observing every corner. He was a very meticulous person. Emily liked that about him.
"I don't see any security cams." He pressed his lips together in a tight frown. He looked back at the street and something caught his eye. He nodded towards a red-light cam. "Ah ha." Something hackable. "We can start there."
He grabbed his laptop and opened it up. He started typing something.
"I need to narrow the window of time down a little. Do you know what time Alison got here last night?" he asked.
"Seven? Maybe eight?"
Emily's phone started buzzing. She saw her mom's name on the caller ID. Her helicopter parenting wasn't anything new, but it still annoyed Emily. It made her think about how she might act as a mother. She wondered if she would be a worrier like her mom. She absentmindedly put her palm against her stomach. She felt a tiny flutter against her hand. She couldn't help but smile.
Already sassing me, are you, peanut?
She glanced at her mother's name on the caller ID. She sighed and picked up. All she could hear on the other end of the line was a bunch of static. Her mother's voice was barely audible. She glanced at her phone and saw that she didn't have any service.
"Mom, I can't hear you," Emily replied. "I'll call you back."
As she was hanging up, Caleb's laptop chimed. He pulled up some of the CCTV footage and started scrolling through it. Several cars had gone through the busy intersection going into the bar parking lot. None of the footage looked out of the ordinary.
But there was one car they both recognized. The photo was grainy and the car was barely in the frame. They both perked up when they saw it.
"Is that the sedan that was outside during the snowstorm?" Caleb tried to get a better look at it.
Emily shuddered. That attack had felt so personal. It hadn't put them in any physical harm, but there was something cold about the way the person had destroyed the little family she and Alison had built out of snow.
"Can't be a coincidence." Emily leaned closer to the screen.
"Wonder if anyone inside knows who drives it." Caleb took a screenshot and sent it to his phone.
There were no distinguishing marks present on the vehicle. And the driver wasn't visible. It's almost as if the person driving knew exactly where to go to avoid the cameras. Because of fucking course this psycho was all-knowing and omnipresent.
Caleb reached for the door handle. Emily followed his lead.
They walked towards the bar together. There was a 'closed' sign. The lights were off. Emily tried the door anyway. It was unlocked.
She glanced at Caleb, waiting to see how he'd proceed. She couldn't help but wonder what Alison would do if she was with her. She probably would have charged in and leaped over the bar and demanded answers from the poor busboy just there doing his job. She'd seen the blonde snap more than once. She could be very frightening when she wanted to.
Caleb grabbed the door and held it open for her.
"Breaking and entering charges be damned, right?" Emily said with a smile.
"It's just 'entering'. The door is unlocked." Caleb had a cheeky look on his face.
Hanna had often told her that she loved Caleb's mischievous spirit. Emily had caught glimpses of it occasionally, but it was out in full force today. His eyes had an impish spark in them. She could see the years of necessary trouble he had under his belt in the way he carried himself. She was glad she had another troublemaker by her side. Caleb certainly didn't shy away from weird and unusual situations.
They walked inside. The chairs had been placed upside down on the tables so the floors could be swept. The barstools were up against the bar. They heard noises coming from the back room. A few seconds later a door swung open. A large burly guy in jeans and a T-shirt walked out holding a hand towel. He looked at Caleb and Emily in confusion.
"You're not the delivery driver." He tossed the towel on to the bar and started wiping the counter. "We're closed."
"The door was open." Emily pointed towards the door. She suddenly got a whiff of the heavy cleaning supplies and she felt her stomach churning. She managed to choke back her nausea. "A friend of ours was here last night. She thinks she might have left something. Mind if we have a look around?"
"What did she lose?" He picked up a stray glass that had been left on the bar.
"Her dignity." Caleb muttered.
He looked around at the dive bar. The floors were scuffed and dirty and sticky. Peanut shells were all over the place. He saw a roach scurry underneath the bar. There was a used condom in a booth near the back of the bar. The walls had writing all over it. The place reeked of cigarette smoke and alcohol. He'd been to some pretty seedy places, but the bar was a little low class even for him. He was surprised it's where Alison had ended up.
"Do you mind?" Emily smiled politely at the man. "We won't be long."
"Knock yourself out." He shrugged as he continued his cleaning spree. He had his work cut out for him.
Caleb and Emily walked to the far end of the bar.
"What exactly are we looking for?" Caleb asked.
"I don't know." Emily rubbed her temple. She was exhausted. "Anything." She scoured the bar, hoping it would yield her some answers. "I'm so tired of looking over my shoulder. I keep waiting for bad things to happen. And it shouldn't be like that."
"Yeah, I get it." He nodded in understanding.
They wanted to find something that would be some kind of revelation. Some big clue to the identity of the person torturing her. But they didn't find anything out of the ordinary except a tube of mascara, a guitar pick, and a tarnished silver lighter that looked like it had seen better days. They carefully placed the three items in a plastic bag.
"Got anything else?" Caleb questioned as he dropped the lighter into the bag.
"I'm pretty sure if we looked hard enough we could find an STD floating around..."
Caleb laughed.
"Just give me a few minutes to do my thing," he said as he pulled out his phone.
He noted the IP address for the Wi-Fi, both public and private, just in case the person who had tried to frame Alison had been stupid enough to use Wi-Fi to transfer the pictures. He told Emily it was a long shot, because it was clearly someone who knew what they were doing. But he wanted to explore all avenues.
Emily stared at the bottles lining the back wall behind the bar. She tried to picture Alison sitting at the bar nursing a drink. She hated that Alison had felt so alone that she'd isolated herself. She felt guilty for pushing her away after their argument outside the gym. Maybe if she hadn't pulled away Alison wouldn't have ended up by herself in a bar. She felt like she was partially to blame. It was her job to protect her girlfriend. And she'd failed.
It upset her knowing how sad and abandoned Alison had felt last night.
Emily knew what it felt like to run away from feelings. She remembered the last time she'd been in a dive bar. She remembered what it was like to sit on a stool, trying to seem small…to blend in and hide.
She'd gone with Isaac, Nick, and Courtney on their last Christmas break before Emily had moved away. It was a few months before the altercation she'd had with Courtney in the locker room. They had still been on semi-civil terms, which was an oxymoron. Because they'd never really been civil.
Emily didn't particularly like spending Christmas with Isaac's family, but their parents had been part of their church's holiday dinner prep team, so she didn't really have a choice.
The Christmas dinner was always chaotic, but tensions seemed extra high that afternoon. Even Courtney and Nick were stressed. They'd been sniping at one another all day. She remembered it vividly, because Courtney and Nick never fought.
Nick had blown up at her about something. Emily had been taking out the trash and had stumbled upon them arguing outside in the church alley.
She'd stopped when she heard their voices.
"You lied to me." Nick had been staring at Courtney intensely, but he didn't look angry.
He looked conflicted, like he was being pulled in opposite directions. His face was tight and tense, his jaw set and rigid. His shoulders were pulled back, his chest pushing out slightly. His hands were balled into fists. If Emily didn't know him any better she would have assumed he was getting ready to hit her. But he'd never been that kind of guy.
"Come on, baby." She'd hung all over him. She'd wrapped her arms around his neck and batted her eyelashes at him, giving him a sulky sultry look. She'd pushed her lips out in a pout in an attempt to seduce him. "I don't want to fight with you. Let me take care of you…"
She'd rubbed her palm against the front of his pants, playing with his zipper. A gust of heated air had come out of his mouth as she undid the button of his jeans and slipped her hand inside. He'd muffled out a groan and bucked into her palm, closing his eyes and biting his lip.
Emily had quickly turned around to go back into the church, but then she heard him tell her no.
"That's not going to work this time." He had pushed her away. He'd reached down and zipped his jeans up.
That had struck Emily as odd. She'd never known any horny teenage boy to turn away something like that, especially not Nick. He was obsessed with sex. And not just with anyone. He was obsessed with sex with Courtney. He never said no.
"Nicky…" She'd whined in a pleading tone.
"Just don't, okay?" He'd tried to distance himself from her, but she shadowed his motions and reached out to touch his face.
"It's not that big of a deal." She traced her fingertips against his chiseled jaw.
He'd pushed her hand away and looked at her like she was insane. Then he'd reached up and brushed his fingers through his hair, puffing out a thoughtful breath.
"I need a cigarette," he'd reached into his pocket and pulled out his tobacco pack.
"Don't be like this." Courtney pushed back childishly.
"Courtney, just go back inside. Give me some goddamn time to think." He'd growled.
Emily had never heard Nick use such an aggressive tone of voice before, especially not on church grounds. She had been a little taken aback by it.
Courtney had also clearly been intimidated, because she didn't argue with him. She'd stormed off, her heels clacking against the pavement. Emily heard her huffing and puffing and bitching as she went back inside the building.
Nick disappeared in the opposite direction…the direction Emily needed to go to throw her garbage haul away.
She'd run into him out by the dumpster. He'd been puffing furiously on a menthol cigarette. He was leaning against the structure, his leg bouncing up and down against the ground. A nervous tic. Nick had never been a nervous person.
She'd waved to him as she tossed the trash in the bin. He'd lifted his chin and jutted it out to acknowledge her with a silent hello. She'd turned to walk away, but paused. She was curious about the fight.
"You okay?" she'd asked.
He'd taken a vigorous puff, inhaling the smoke deeply before blowing it out into the air. He'd watched the lingering fog, leaving a quiet pause in the air as he considered what he wanted to say.
"Let me ask you something." He'd peered at her curiously. "Are all women completely insane?"
"I mean…not ALL women, but we are pre-dispositioned to have a LITTLE bit of crazy hardwired into our genes. It's a sliding scale. We range from 'throwing an empty toilet paper roll at your head' mad to 'blowing up your car' insanity."
"So…that's a yes?"
"Generalizations aren't really my thing." She'd shrugged. "I know some guys who are dickheads. So…are all men dickheads?"
He'd laughed and tapped on his cigarette, sending ashes to the ground.
"Fair enough."
There was a quiet pause.
"Did something happen with Courtney?" She'd pressed him for information.
Nick gave her a precarious look. She saw something flash in his eyes, and he looked like he was about to say something. But then he shook his head.
"Nah. She's just…" The look of tension on his face was palpable. "She's just Courtney." He'd sighed, his face softening. There was a plethora of emotions in his eyes that Emily didn't understand. Was that what love did to someone? Did it completely override all things logical? "I knew what I was getting into with her."
"What do you mean?"
Nick didn't respond at first. He'd just stared at the cigarette in his hand. After a few seconds he pressed the end with the burning embers against the dumpster. Then he'd tossed the remains on the ground and squashed the butt.
He'd reached into his cigarette packet and pulled another one out. He'd pulled his lighter out of the packet. He played with it for a few seconds. Then he'd shoved both the cigarette and the lighter back into the carton. He stared at the cigarettes in the carton.
"You know that story they told us at Bible camp about the frog and the scorpion? About how the scorpion wanted to get across a river, but he couldn't swim…so he asked the frog to carry him?"
"Yeah." Emily had glanced towards the picnic bench where she'd first introduced herself to Isaac. She wondered what had happened to their frog. Had it met a scorpion? "What does that have to do with Courtney, though?"
"The frog was hesitant because he was afraid the scorpion would sting him. But the scorpion assured the frog he wouldn't do that, because then they'd both drown. So the frog agreed to carry him across. But when they got halfway across the river the scorpion stung him. And as the frog was dying he asked the scorpion why he did it, knowing it would kill them both. You remember what the scorpion said?"
"That he was a self-centered asshole who only cared about his own needs, and to hell with everyone else...even the people helping him. Kind of like the government."
Nick laughed. A loud boisterous laugh that he'd sorely needed.
"Never change, Em. Your sarcasm is what keeps me alive." He'd leaned back against the dumpster, his body posture relaxing a little bit.
"That story was so jacked up, because the scorpion wouldn't even own up to it. He just told the frog it was his nature. And so...what? You can't change nature? You can't fight it if you're alive and sentient? That's just stupid. People who hurt other people are just as bad as that shithead scorpion."
"Yeah." Nick nodded in agreement.
His newly chilled vibe made Emily suspect that he'd smoked a lot more than just a cigarette before she'd caught him. But he still seemed upset.
"So, did you get stung?" She'd leaned next to him on the dumpster.
"She's Courtney." He'd replied, his gaze fixed, lost in thought. "I can't be mad." There was a strange timid look in his eyes. It wasn't consistent with his anger. "She's my girl. No matter what kind of crazy shit she pulls. I'm in it with her, you know? For the long game."
Emily rested her finger against the metal dumpster. She nibbled on the inside of her lip.
"Do you love her?"
Nick looked over at her, a stoic expression on his face.
"That's a loaded question, don't you think? Do you love Isaac?"
"Of course." She just wasn't in love with him.
Nick didn't look like he believed her response, but he didn't say anything more about it. There was no telling what poisonous things Courtney was telling him about her and Isaac.
"We're all so young. It's hard to know where we'll be in a few months...or years," Emily admitted.
"I already know I'll be with Courtney. Til Death Do Us Part."
"Are you two thinking about marriage?"
Nick shrugged. Emily waited for him to say more, but he'd retreated in the comfortable silence. She'd left him alone with his thoughts. She could tell he wanted some time to himself.
Courtney saw her walk into the church and shot a suspicious glance at her, but Emily just brushed her off.
When Nick came back in he didn't say much. He'd barely spoken to Courtney the rest of the day.
They'd made up that night though.
Isaac and Emily had gone to a bar outside of town to see one of Emily's favorite bands. Isaac didn't know that Emily had a crush on the lead singer of the all-girl group. He just knew she liked the band. He'd surprised her with tickets, and Emily couldn't say no.
Courtney had found out they were going and claimed she loved the band, too. She pressured her brother into getting her tickets, too. She threatened to tell their parents that he was going to a bar if he didn't comply with her wishes.
Emily had ended up having a couple of drinks, and things had become a bit hazy. Her memories of that night were still a bit of a blur.
But as she watched Caleb chatting with the bartender, bits and pieces of that evening started to come back to her. Memories she'd forgotten…or purposefully buried. She wasn't sure which.
She remembered dancing with Isaac. She remembered being so close to him that she could smell the musty sweat on his body. The scent of his body spray was so powerful that it made her nauseous.
He had taken her hands and they were swaying to the music. He'd pressed his body against hers and when she felt their lower halves connect she was certain that the alcohol was going to come back up. She'd felt a slight bulge in his pants. He'd sheepishly apologized. He couldn't help it. Emily was very understanding. She managed to make it through two songs. Then she told him that the alcohol wasn't sitting right. She wanted to sit down.
He'd taken her to a table and then rushed off to get her some water. While she was waiting she noticed a couple in the dark corner behind the table. Their bodies were writhing to the beat the band was playing on stage. She saw a blur of hands on asses, large fingers slipping underneath a skirt, and then a smaller more feminine hand reaching for the boy's belt. She'd unhooked it and the boys pants started to sag.
Emily thought she had to be imagining it, because surely no one was going to fuck out in the open in the middle of a band's set in a bar full of people.
"Let me feel you," she'd recognized Courtney's voice immediately. She heard Nick mumble something in response.
Seconds later, the blonde peered over Nick's shoulder, finding Emily's line of sight. She had her hand on Nick, stroking him. She grinned wickedly at Emily.
Emily felt like hurling. She was sick of seeing the two of them go at it. It was like Courtney deliberately found her and wanted her to watch. She'd noticed it happening more frequently since Courtney had tried to 'baptize' her in the school pool. She wondered if it was Courtney's way of trying to punish her for fighting back. She regretted not punching her teeth out that day.
"Not yet." Courtney had tickled his ear with her tongue.
Emily turned away. She heard Nick groan. There was a shuffling noise and then she heard the thumping against the wall. Courtney's moans and Nick's grunts were lost in the shuffle of the song. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on the music instead. Because if she didn't she was going to puke.
But a few minutes later she heard something that surprised her. Their groans had turned into a strange heated argument. Their words were muffled. When Emily turned around she saw that they had moved further away from the table. They were tucked away where no one could see them. The speakers over their heads were drowning out the conversation.
"…really think this makes things okay?" Nick sounded furious.
"Can we just forget it? I just…" Courtney bit her lip and tried to pull him closer. She sounded unsatisfied. "Please…"
"No," he'd moved away. He'd pulled his jeans up, tightening his buckle. "I don't know what you want from me, Court. I really don't. You can't just fuck this away."
"Why not?"
"Because…" He'd lowered his voice. Emily couldn't hear what he was saying. She could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation.
"…you said…" Nick had raised his arms and flippantly threw them in the air. "But you didn't…"
"I thought…" Courtney had a sharp edge in her voice, but her tone was too soft for Emily to make out what she was saying.
"So then…" He'd gestured between them and rattled off a bunch of things that the bass overshadowed, "…what are we…" Emily saw his mouth moving and made out the words, "our future!"
More tension. More yelling. This time it was Courtney who threw her hands up in annoyance.
"…don't know!"
Nick had turned away from her to try and gather his emotions. Emily had never seen him so unhinged. It bothered her. He shook his head. The muscles in his neck were bulging.
"…what you were thinking…"
Courtney had grabbed his arm. It almost looked like she felt remorse. Emily wasn't aware she knew how to feel anything. But she looked legitimately scared.
"…want to…" Courtney had gripped his bicep tightly, trying to draw him in with her eyes.
Her sex appeal always worked for her, but this time he'd just jerked away from her and shook his head. Emily was only able to make out one word in his response,
"…responsible…"
There was a subtle tender moment between them. Watching from afar, it made no sense. One minute there was passion…desire…embers burning brightly between them. Then there was a sudden icy chill.
After a few minutes the intensity between them died down. There was a common middle ground they'd seemed to find, a strange phenomenon between hot and cold that they'd mutually reached. It didn't look like a break up. But it didn't look like forgiveness either.
Nick had pulled away, but he didn't look angry anymore. He looked hurt. He leaned over her. He'd gently cupped Courtney's cheek and kissed her forehead. He'd whispered something to her and then walked off, mentioning something about a cigarette.
Courtney had crossed her arms stubbornly and watched him walk away. She'd straightened her blouse and pulled her skirt back down. She saw Emily looking at her, and her face flashed in a rage. She'd stormed towards the table.
"What are you looking at?" Courtney had hissed as she walked by the table. "Enjoy the show, perv?"
Emily hadn't dignified it with a response. Courtney had rushed off in a haste. Emily hoped that she was leaving so she didn't have to deal with her. She ran past Isaac. He'd glanced at her in confusion before continuing back towards the table.
"Sorry it took forever. There were a ton of people at the bar." Isaac plopped down next to her. He held out a chilled glass of water. "Feeling any better?"
Emily had taken the water without a word and started chugging it. When she put the glass down he'd put his arm around her shoulder. She'd focused on the band, refusing to look at him, refusing to acknowledge that she was lying to him. Using him. Things had been so weird for her since she'd started dating him. She wanted to go back to what they'd had before.
She focused on the lead singer, who seemed to be crooning directly to her. The girl had a dark sexy look. Her blood red lipstick made her lips look plump and inviting. Her mascara made her deep blue eyes pop. She held the microphone with a delicate touch as she swayed to the music. Emily felt warm and fuzzy. She felt a flash of heat between her legs. She moved in the booth uncomfortably, trying not to be obvious about her burning desire building up...needing release.
It was a similar feeling she'd gotten the first night she'd met Maya. She'd been so bewitched by her. They'd ended up backstage in Maya's tiny dressing room, Emily's hands all over her body. Maya had been so confident and wasn't afraid to take chances. Emily had been drawn to that. They might have actually ended up sleeping together then, but the rest of the band had interrupted them just as Maya was starting to take Emily's shirt off.
The only thing Emily really remembered after that was how much she'd craved wanting to taste her again. She'd felt elated and sweaty and hot...and damp in places she'd never been damp before. They'd hung out with the band, but the only person Emily was paying attention to was Maya. Every time Emily had seen her smile at her she felt a blazing ball of tension in her stomach.
The girl on stage was giving her the same seductive grin that Maya had given her the night they met. And it was making her feel things that she'd never felt with her boyfriend.
"They're good, right?" Isaac smiled, completely oblivious to the fact that Emily was making heart eyes at the girl on stage. Emily stiffened in her seat. "I see why you like them."
Emily had to stifle a laugh. He had no idea why she liked them.
"I really appreciate you getting the tickets. They must have been hard to get."
He'd tapped the edge of table to the beat of the drum. He seemed completely lost in the music.
"I'd love for you to think of me as some kind of hero, but one of the guys I play with is the drummer's cousin, so…not mission impossible."
He was so honest. He was painfully honest.
"Sorry my sister crashed," he'd added. "What was she so pissed about anyway?"
"I think she's fighting with Nick."
"About what?" He didn't seem concerned, but he was interested.
"Hell if I know."
She'd probably cheated on him. She was the type to do it. Their heated encounter had seemed more about aggression, control, and letting their feelings out than it had passion and love.
"She's been kind of a nightmare at home lately." Isaac's nose twitched, which happened when he was trying to contain his emotions. "The craziest things set her off. She slammed a stapler into my palm the other day." He held his hand up to show Emily the healing punctures the staple had left in his skin.
"Jesus, Isaac," she'd grabbed his hand to observe it. His palm was calloused from tossing the football so much. The two gashes left by the staple looked ugly. Courtney was such a fucking bitch. She traced her finger delicately against the gashes. "Why do you put up with her doing this kind of shit to you?"
He'd flinched. Isaac was fearless in a lot of ways. At school. In his social life. On the field. But when it came to his sister he was like a timid child. She made him regress. Because of the years of torture that she'd put him through, he was conditioned to believe that she was superior. It aggravated Emily. Because he deserved a better sister.
"The last time I tried to fight back she gave me a concussion." He'd looked around the bar for his sister and Nick, but didn't see either one of them. "I'm kind of worried she's going to do the same to Nick if she's fighting with him. I know they've been a little rocky since he was accepted into NYU. Courtney is trying to talk him in to staying. But I didn't think they were arguing about it."
"I'm surprised she's not packing her bags to go with him." That would have been a dream. To see her move so far away. And New York was fitting for her. Fame. Fashion. Cuisine. She was brazen and driven and very much built for the high energy city life. "She's eighteen. What's stopping her?"
"My parents told her she has to stay in state for her first year of college next year unless she can get a swim scholarship. And she doesn't have any offers yet."
"I bet that went over well."
"I believe the term 'oppressive militant regime' was used," Isaac rolled his eyes.
Emily could only imagine the tantrums the girl threw at home. If her behavior in public was any indicator, she was complete terror at home.
The lead singer ended the song on a high note that drew the entire crowd's attention. Emily watched as she gripped the mic stand and threw her head back and thrust her chest forward. After the guitar and drums slowed the beat she stood back up and then grinned at Emily and Isaac. She had a knowing smile on her face. Emily felt her cheeks getting hot. She glanced at Isaac, trying not to be conspicuous. Fortunately, he was texting one of his buddy's, so he hadn't seen the exchange.
After the band finished the set Emily didn't have anything to distract herself from Isaac anymore. Her guilt was making her head throb. She felt like she needed a cold shower. She took another sip of water and then told him she needed to go to the bathroom.
In reality, she was running. She was trying to get her head on straight. All she could think about was how much the singer reminded her of Maya. And that just brought her right back to the fact that she didn't love Isaac.
When she walked into the bathroom she saw Courtney standing in front of the mirror, furiously wiping away tears. Emily caught a glimpse of her reflection. Her face was bright red.
She paused as the door shut behind her. Courtney saw her in the mirror. She sneered as she spun around to face her. Her expression changed immediately. She was no longer sad and vulnerable. She was defensive and angry. Before Emily could ask if she was okay, Courtney launched into an attack.
"Were you spying on me back there?" she'd asked viciously.
Emily walked towards the sink, ignoring her hostility. She didn't have it in her to deal with Courtney's bullshit. She just wanted some peace and quiet.
"I came here for the band. Not for your third-rate drama." She'd turned the faucet on to wash her hands.
"Are you following me?" Courtney scowled, shoving a tube of her lip gloss into her purse that was sitting on the edge of the sink.
"We're in a small dive bar. This is a public restroom. No. I'm not following you," she'd replied snottily. She shook her hands dry. "If anything, YOU followed us here."
"As if. You're not the only one in town who likes good music."
"What do you even know about the band?"
"I know what YOU like about them." Courtney raised a conspicuous brow at her, taunting her. She ran her fingers along the edge of the sink with a smirk on her face. "You have a thing for girls in bands, don't you? A certain…affinity for pretty musicians. Real unfortunate that they have reputations for being so…flighty."
She was referring to Maya. Everything about Courtney's response rubbed her the wrong way. Courtney was trying to rip open the healing wounds that were still fresh from losing her girlfriend. She'd never told Courtney they were involved, but that didn't mean that Courtney didn't know. She knew how to crush people with their vulnerabilities. She knew how to play on people's insecurities.
It infuriated Emily. Courtney had no right to talk about Maya. Courtney had no right to make her brother bleed. She had no right to play with Nick's heart. She had no right to behave like a complete unchecked maniac. The girl needed to be put in her place.
Emily felt a flush of heat from the mixture of the alcohol and her anger. She moved towards Courtney in a threatening manner, backing her against the wall. Courtney's eyes widened. Her jaw went slack in shock. She could see a fire of fury blazing in Emily's eyes. It was the same look she'd had on her face the day the brunette had pinned her to the mat beside the pool.
"You know what? Go to hell, Courtney." She'd sneered at her, pushing her face dangerously close to Courtney's face, the tension and intensity of her tone dripping with venom.
Emily could feel her muscles tightening, tensing. Her stomach was so tight that her abs were rock solid. Even if Courtney tried to hit her Emily was certain she wouldn't feel a thing. She made a fist with one hand. Her entire body was practically vibrating. She was having to work very hard to keep her temper in check. It would have been so easy to knock her out with one punch.
Courtney was frozen in place. She felt a budding explosion of emotions paralyzing her. Emily had several inches on her in height. She was more stout and buff, too. She'd seen her arms in swim meets. She had a lot of muscle and a lot of stamina. She'd also seen what Emily was like when she was unhinged.
Courtney took several deep breaths. Their faces were close enough for the blonde to see the wild look in Emily's eyes. She knew she was in dangerous territory, but she continued to provoke her anyway. She poked an accusatory finger into Emily's face.
"This behavior is not very Christmas-y of you. What would Jesus think?" Courtney puffed her chest out and moved forward against Emily, challenging her.
Emily's lips twitched angrily. Her jaw was clenched shut, her teeth showing. Everything Emily had suppressed was coming to the surface.
"I think if Jesus had the option of getting on the cross or spending a day with you he'd choose the cross." Emily swatted her finger away and glared angrily at the smaller girl.
She was sick of Courtney lording her sexuality over her, quietly threatening her in the shadows. Ever since Courtney had tried to drown her the blonde had been dangling her on the line like some kind of cat toy. She batted her around for her pleasure, and Emily wasn't going to take it anymore.
"We have to be in each other's lives…and we have to be civil…for your brother's sake. But that doesn't mean I have to like you." Emily's words were like acid, burning and destructive.
"Good. Because I fucking hate you." Courtney had a spark in her eyes. She was heaving out heavy breaths. Her chest was pressed against Emily's, her arms dangling by her side. "You're a fucking fraud."
"And you're a psychopath. Everyone sees it. Even Nick is starting to see it. You're chasing him away, you know."
Courtney recoiled as if Emily had slapped her. Emily stood her ground. She wanted Courtney to know that she could play on her level. She wanted her to know she could be as ruthless and hateful as she was.
"You have no idea what you're talking about. Nick loves me." Her jaw tensed. She snorted through her nose. Her voice was shaking.
"Is that why he keeps running away from you?" Emily questioned. It was a loaded question. Emily knew he had pushed for his space in the bar, but the bigger picture was that he was considering a move to New York City. Without her.
Emily's blow landed. Courtney didn't know how to retaliate. Her face twisted into a grimace. Her nose burned as tears sprang to her eyes. The brunette was getting under her skin.
"You have a mean streak in you, Emily Fields." She'd hissed her name. "Must be all that repression."
"Better than being a whore." Emily bit back. She saw Courtney flinch again. "Don't start what you can't finish. You keep popping off at the wrong people and eventually you're going to end up all alone. And you'll have no one to blame but yourself. You're pathetic, Courtney."
"And you think you're so great? Little Miss Perfect Swim Anchor. How would your parents react if they knew your dirty little secrets? Then you'd be just as alone as I am."
"Maybe." Emily called her bluff. "But at the end of the day, I'll still have people who love me. At least I have a loving boyfriend. No one will ever love you. Your boyfriend can't even stand to touch you..."
Courtney had reached up with the speed and accuracy of a snake striking in the wild. Her palm made contact with Emily's cheek, leaving an angry red mark in its wake. Her hit had left the feeling of pins and needles against Emily skin. Her cheek felt hot. There were black spots in her field of vision.
Emily unclenched her fist and slapped her back. The open-handed hit was so hard that it jerked the blonde's neck sideways. Courtney gasped and drew her hand up towards her face, crying out in surprise. She stared at Emily, tears stinging her eyes. She cupped her cheek for a few seconds, feeling the heat that Emily's hand had left there.
There was a shift in the air. The slap had awoken something primal inside of Courtney. She let out a feral growl. She bared her teeth at the brunette and threw her palms against her shoulders, shoving her and knocking her off balance.
Emily hadn't expected it to escalate as quickly as it did. She crashed into the sink, her hip taking the brunt of the impact. She felt the hit in her bone. She could already imagine the giant purple welt it was sure to leave on her skin.
Courtney grabbed her arm, her fingernails cutting into her skin. She reached up and threaded her fingers into Emily's hair, digging her fingernails into her scalp and pulling her neck back at an angle. Emily yelped in surprise, feeling the tendrils of her hair being pulled taut. Emily reached up and tried to pry Courtney's hand away, but the blonde whipped her arm up and grabbed her wrist.
Courtney spun Emily around, slamming her back against the wall. She kept her fingers tangled in Emily's hair as she continued to yank her head back, letting out an animalistic growl. The surge of strength and power gave the smaller girl the rush of adrenaline she needed. She knew she had control. She was the one leading. Emily was at her mercy. She tightened her grip on Emily's hair, moving her head with ease.
But then something changed in the motion. She leaned towards her exposed neck. She could see the sweat glistening on Emily's skin. She could smell her brother's body spray mixed with Emily's lotion. And she hated it.
She tilted her head and whispered in her ear,
"You're such a bitch."
She moved her forehead down into the crook of Emily's exposed neck and took a deep breath. Her nose brushed against her earlobe.
"I hate you."
She let go of Emily's wrist and put her palm against the other side of Emily's neck. Then she pressed her lips against the smooth skin on Emily's neck. She could taste the salty mixture of her perspiration. She tasted so pure. And clean. She was like a forbidden fruit. Beautiful. Dangerous. She slid her tongue against her skin and gently nipped at her neck.
Emily froze underneath her touch. Her shoulders were tense. Her hands were up in the air by Courtney's sides. Her face was twisted in confusion.
Seconds later, Emily's hands were on Courtney's hips, trying to move her back. But Courtney held her position, peppering angry kisses against her neck.
She lifted Emily's thigh and slammed her against the wall even harder, hitching Emily's leg around her leg. She suckled against the skin near her ear. She bit down against her earlobe, dragging her teeth across the flesh. She slowly moved down towards her cleavage, her lips leaving a trail of heat behind them.
Emily's alcohol-infused brain couldn't comprehend what was happening. It was nothing like their first little innocent peck in the locker room. It was raw and gritty and dirty. And even though Emily hated it, her body was reacting to it. She felt her thighs twitching. She felt a heat pooling in her stomach, slowly gravitating down into her pelvis. She felt her insides contracting and pulsing. It was like a fire ravaging out of control. She desperately wanted to put it out.
She'd come into the bathroom to cool off after basically spending the entire evening making sex-eyes at the beautiful singer on stage. Her body had been prime for the taking. She hadn't been expecting Courtney to corner her and draw every sexual feeling she was suppressing to the surface.
Courtney pulled back and peered into her soft brown eyes. They were wide and expressive, but there was a darkness in them. There was a strength behind them that was intoxicating. Courtney could practically smell her arousal.
"Who's pathetic now?"
Courtney smirked at her and mashed her lips against Emily's. The blonde's lips were smooth and supple, but they tasted like poison. Courtney released her death grip on Emily's hair. She replaced it with a more delicate touch, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her fingertips were almost gentle. Her fingernail grazed Emily's neck, sending a chill down her spine.
Courtney's other hand was on the waistband of her jeans, but Emily didn't realize it until she felt her warm sweaty palm against her stomach. Her fingers were small and nimble compared to Isaac's. It reminded her of how much she missed a woman's touch. Maya's touch. She felt a crack in her heart. The pain of her loss still hadn't gotten any easier.
The kiss was so deep…so invigorating that for a moment Emily forgot that it was Courtney. The alcohol in her system made her feel hot. She relaxed into it. Courtney's tongue prodded against her lips and she parted her mouth, gasping in surprise. Courtney took advantage of her hesitation, her tongue exploring Emily's mouth, her lips drawing every last drop of her oxygen away from her lungs. She was like a siren luring Emily to her demise. Her lips were commanding, her tongue harsh and sharp in its exploration.
Courtney nudged Emily's legs open and pushed her thigh in between them, hard. Emily felt a shockwave in her body. Her chest seized when she felt the blonde's motions. She knew she needed to stop it, but she didn't know how. She groaned in protest, but Courtney just pushed harder.
Emily snapped out of it when she felt Courtney's hand slipping below her waistband and into her underwear. She put her palms against Courtney's shoulders and pushed her away.
When Courtney pulled away they both gasped for breath. Courtney grinned and bit her lip. Her face was just centimeters from Emily's. Emily could see the cold grey flecks in her eyes. There was a devilish glint in her expression. Like Courtney, her gaze was sharp and terrifying.
She grabbed Emily's hand and brought her fingers up to her mouth, taking her index and middle finger in between her lips and pulling them into her mouth. Her tongue swirled against Emily's fingers. She released them with an audible pop and then moved Emily's hand underneath her skirt.
"You know you want to touch me." She'd breathed against Emily's face softly as she pushed Emily's fingertips in between her legs, her grip like a vice, ready to guide her every motion.
The second Emily realized that Courtney wasn't wearing any underwear she knew things had gone way too far. Less than half an hour ago Emily had heard her and Nick going at it. She could still smell Nick's aftershave on her. When her fingertips grazed her all she could think about was the fact that she'd just had sex with Nick. Emily wasn't sure what was going on with them, but Courtney had clearly come to the bar with an agenda.
Courtney's eyes were burning through Emily's. The intensity of her gaze was like nothing Emily had ever seen before. It was different than the day she'd first kissed her. She didn't like it. Everything about the interaction felt wrong.
"Court…Courtney, we're drunk." Emily pulled her hand away, rejecting her advances.
She yanked away from Courtney's hold on her. Then she backed away from her, panting heavily. She reached up with her trembling hands and ran her fingers through her tangled locks. Her head was still stinging from where Courtney had been pulling her hair. She was so physically repulsed that she thought she might throw up.
A look of rage washed across Courtney's face. Her eyes darkened. Her demeanor changed. It was like a spark dulling, a light going out inside of her. She had a tight-lipped smirk on her face. She licked her lips and then narrowed her eyes. Her lips curled up in a diabolical smile. Her expression went from lust to utter shock.
"What the fuck was that?" Courtney hissed. "You think I'm in to you like THAT? You're disgusting. A disease..."
"What?" Emily heaved in exasperation. "This…what…what kind of game are you playing here?"
Courtney had smiled innocently, but her eyes were frigid and detached. She blinked, almost as if she was calculating her every facial expression.
"What would Nick and Isaac think if they knew you'd tried to assault me?"
"Assault you? I didn't..."
Courtney reached out and grasped Emily's chin roughly with her fingertips.
"The next time you think about crossing me, I want you to remember this." She'd squeezed Emily's jaw. "I. Own. You."
Emily reached up and shoved her.
"The hell you do…"
Before Emily could fly into a rant the door had swung open and two drunk girls came in, their arms intertwined. They were laughing loudly about something as they separated and stumbled into two separate stalls.
Courtney had calmly and casually walked over to the sink. She'd washed her hands, reapplied her lipstick, and then walked out like nothing had happened, leaving Emily standing in the middle of the bathroom, completely stunned.
The interaction had reminded her of how terrible she was being to Isaac. And to herself. She was lying to everyone. She missed Maya. Her heart ached for her girlfriend. Maya had been the first girl she ever loved. Sometimes she wished she could go back…that she could do things differently. If she had just told the truth about Maya maybe she wouldn't be going through hell with Courtney. She mourned for the happiness she'd lost.
After the two drunk girls left Emily threw cold water on her face and sat in a bathroom stall for nearly fifteen minutes before she went back out to the bar to find Isaac. She told him she wasn't feeling well. He'd offered to take her home.
Courtney had smirked at her from the dance floor as she watched them leave, her body pressed firmly against Nick's body, grinding against him, her skirt riding up against his jeans. Her face was frozen in ecstasy. Nick had his hands firmly against her back. Whatever tension there had been between the two of them was lost in the beat of the song.
"Emily?"
Emily blinked. Caleb was standing in front of her. He had a tight frown on his face. He looked concerned.
"Hmm?" Emily snapped back to reality.
"Everything okay?"
"Sorry. Zoned out." Emily admitted. The memory had shaken her, but she knew they were on a mission. "Pregnancy brain."
"Right…" He didn't seem to buy her excuse, but he didn't pry.
"Did he recognize the car?" Emily asked hopefully.
"No. And they don't have cameras in the parking lot. He says the manager is too cheap for it, and that it 'discourages patron activity'." Caleb rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, who cares about safety and security…as long as some jackass keeps his right to get drunk and act like a fool?" Emily muttered.
She was pissed off that someone had slipped in under the radar and drugged her girlfriend. She was pissed off that people could easily do that every day because businesses valued their bottom lines more than their customers.
"Speaking of jackasses, do you want to check out the apartment Wilden went to? It's only a few miles from here."
"Yeah." Emily nodded.
Her phone buzzed and she looked at it. It was a text from her mom.
Where are you? Call me. -Mom
Emily found it kind of cute that her mother felt the need to sign her name. Parents were a strange kind of quirky sometimes.
"We need to make it quick. My parents are spazzing about me coming home." Emily sent her a text back.
Sorry. Bad reception. Will be home soon.
The message wouldn't go through. An error message flashed on the screen. She tried it again when they got out to the car. It sent.
They hopped in the car. Emily stared at the items in the bag. Ordinary items that probably had no meaning, but they reminded her of a certain bar back in Texas.
Caleb was chatting about tech-related things while Emily nodded along silently. He noticed that she was unusually quiet, but he didn't say anything about it.
They parked a block away from the apartment complex, not wanting to be seen too close to the building. Emily still hadn't said anything. She was staring at her hands, deep in thought.
Caleb faced her with a quizzical look on his face. Emily looked up when she realized the car wasn't moving anymore.
He'd noticed she was upset. Of course he'd noticed. Caleb had repressed a lot in his life, too. He knew when someone else was doing it.
"Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the trademark stoicism more than anyone, but…are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
Emily paused in thought before she answered.
"I wasn't a very good girlfriend," she stated matter-of-factly.
"To…Alison?" His brow crinkled in a way that only Caleb's brow crinkled.
"Before Alison," she sighed. "I hid my relationship with my first girlfriend. And then I used Isaac in every way possible. I lied to everyone about who I really am. I lied to the people I loved the most."
Caleb quietly nodded in understanding. Emily liked that about him…that he took everything in instead of just reacting impulsively. Alison would have told her she was being ridiculous. But Alison loved her in a way that made her faults invisible.
"You were going through a lot," Caleb replied. "You know, humans are a complex species. We're the only species that dwells on our mistakes. You look at animals and they don't feel regret. Lions don't apologize to antelopes after nature does its thing. They have to survive somehow. Wasps don't regret stinging us, because they're just protecting themselves."
"And because wasps are assholes." Emily added with a laugh.
"Facts." Caleb nodded. "I'm just saying that survival and protection are ingrained in us. And it's fine to look back, but you shouldn't dwell on it. It's harder to forgive ourselves for the things we feel like we screwed up, because we are our own worst critics."
"I guess."
"I did a lot of shady shit in my childhood. And even now. But I didn't do it maliciously. And I know you didn't either. We did it to survive…in different ways."
He took a thoughtful breath. He pursed his lips together.
"You did what you had to do to get by. Sometimes lines get blurred when that happens. I mean, I can't pretend I know what it feels like to be in your shoes, but I know what it's like to be…overwhelmed. I know what it feels like to just want to hide and blend in. That's all I ever did in my group homes. But we wouldn't be here today…with the women we love…if we didn't make the choices that we made then. All we can do is try to survive. Because you can't really live unless you know how to survive."
"Didn't know you were a philosopher." Emily smiled.
"Not a philosopher. Just a Maya Angelou fan. 'My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive…and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style'. For me, Hanna provides the style, of course."
"Of course." Emily laughed.
She was secretly impressed that Caleb was into Maya Angelou. She made a mental note to tell Hanna she'd better marry him.
"Come on. Let's get back to the mission." He reached for the door handle. "Hanna says you've got some packing to do for a place of your own."
"Yeah. Keeping up with the changing times. Any Maya Angelou quotes for that?" she asked hopefully.
"Not Maya Angelou, but 'Viva La Vie Boheme'." He raised a fist and pumped it.
"Hanna made you watch RENT?" Emily guessed.
"Hanna made me watch RENT." Caleb nodded with a laugh.
They walked to the apartment complex. Had they arrived only three minutes earlier they would have seen the grey car that Alison and Hanna had seen pulling away from the warehouse. The same car on the red light camera that Caleb had pulled up.
They explored the building, inside and out. They pretended to be a college couple looking for a place to live off-campus. When the manager disappeared to get some paperwork Caleb snatched a copy of the tenant list. They didn't recognize any of the names on it.
Once they were finished investigating the building they went back to the car. As they were climbing in, Emily's phone chimed. It was her mom again. She picked up.
"Hey, mom."
"Emily, I've been…" She cut out, "…call you…" Emily held the phone out away from her ear and saw that she still had low coverage. She could barely hear her mom talking, "My…this morning…"
"You're breaking up." Emily shoved her finger in her ear and tried to listen more closely.
"I…can't…can you hear me?" She started to cut out again, "…call from…church…" There was a lot of static, but then Emily heard, "Washington…"
"Mom, I can't hear you." Emily pulled her phone away from her ear again. "I'm on my way home…"
Before either one of them could say anything else, the call dropped. She put her phone away. She didn't think that the call was urgent. She had no way of knowing what was awaiting her at home.
She talked about their investigation strategy with Caleb on the way home. He was going to look into the tenant list and see if anything came up.
When he dropped her off Emily was feeling a little bit better knowing that they were on the right track. She wasn't expecting for her world to come crumbling down when she walked through the front door.
Her mother met her in the foyer. She looked frazzled.
"Hey, I've been trying to call you."
"Sorry, it's been kind of a crazy morning. What's up?" Emily put her things down.
"Why don't you come sit down?" Her mother motioned towards the living room.
Her face was rigid. She swayed unevenly on her feet as she clasped and then unclasped her hands. Emily looked into her wide eyes and she felt a heavy pit in her stomach.
"What's wrong?" Emily's heart fluttered in a panic. "Is it dad? Is he okay?"
If he'd had another episode with his heart Emily wasn't sure she'd survive it.
"Your father is fine." Her mom gently took her arm and tried to direct her towards the couch.
Emily jerked away from her. Her heart started to race. She had only seen her mother look this distressed after her grandmother died.
"Mom…just tell me." Emily's voice was shaking.
"I got a call this morning…from Pastor Ted."
"Texas Pastor Ted?" Emily asked in confusion.
"I still talk to him from time to time…for guidance. When he called this morning I just thought it was a routine check in, but it wasn't. Something…happened." She shifted on her feet nervously.
"Is it Isaac?" Emily suddenly felt faint. Who else would he have been calling about? "Oh my God. Did something happen to him?"
"Em…it's…" Her mother bit her lip, "It's Maya."
There was a weird swirling vortex of darkness in Emily's field of vision.
Maya.
Maya. Her first real love. Maya. The girl who had disappeared. Maya. Someone who still had a piece of her heart, and always would.
Emily blinked several times. She felt dizzy. She moved towards the living room, now understanding why her mother wanted her to sit down. She heard a loud panicky echo of noises and she realized she was hyperventilating. Her mom reached for her, helping her over to the couch.
Emily couldn't breathe. She felt like she was underwater. She was back in the gym in Texas and Courtney was drowning her. She couldn't hear anything. She couldn't see anything. But she could feel her mother helping her sit on the couch.
"Emmy, breathe." Pam put her hand against the side of Emily's neck to try and give her a focal point. "Look at me. Just breathe. Don't panic. It's not good for you…or the baby."
Pam touched the side of her baby bump as she coached her to breathe in and out. And suddenly, her daughter was all Emily could focus on. She put her hand against her stomach and closed her eyes. She imagined her sweet smiling little girl. She imagined her curious eyes. She took deep breaths. She could feel her stomach rising and falling underneath her palm.
It's going to be okay, sweetheart.
The moment she thought it, her mother said it aloud to her.
"It's going to be okay, sweetheart. Keep breathing," her mother encouraged.
Emily nodded vigorously, trying to signal that she was okay. She couldn't form the words to talk.
"How…" Emily's mouth felt dry. She swallowed a knot in her throat. "Is she…what happened?"
"Ted still talks to Maya's mom about her…" Her mom wasn't sure how to put it, "…progress. Her addiction issues…"
"She's not an addict." Emily looked at her in confusion. Nothing about this made sense.
"She's in the hospital because she OD'd." Pam softly broke it to her. "She's on a vent, Em. They don't…" She sighed. She hated seeing her daughter in pain. "They don't know if she's going to make it."
"What?" Emily's throat felt like it was closing up.
"Pastor Ted said that he thought you might want to know, since you two were close. He's been talking to her mom. They live in DC…"
Emily's stomach dropped. Maya had only been two hours away this entire time. Of course, two hours felt like an eternity now that she knew Maya might die. There might as well have been an entire ocean between them.
Everything that Emily had been holding in came pouring out of her. The fact that she hadn't been able to protect Alison. The fact that Maya was in a coma. The fact that someone was making her life a living hell. She couldn't protect any of them. She couldn't even protect her baby. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do.
Her mom was talking to her, trying to comfort her, but Emily couldn't hear what she was saying. She felt like she was going to pass out. Her mom made her lay down. She disappeared to get a cool cloth to put against her head.
Violent tremors rocked her body. Emily didn't understand why until she realized she was crying. Pam stroked her face and comforted her the way she used to when she was little.
After a while, Emily started to get her bearings back. She told her mom she wanted some privacy. It was hard for Pam to let her go, because she didn't want her to be alone. But she helped her to her room.
Emily reached for her phone the second she closed the door. She was going to text Alison, but a message stopped her in her tracks. Attached to the unknown number was a link to a photo. It loaded automatically.
The picture popped on screen. It was a shot of Maya's hand. Emily recognized it because of the tiny infinity tattoo she had on her wrist. There was something in the palm of her hand. Pills and a syringe.
You insisted on dragging people into this. So I DRUG some people, too.
The message flashed across her screen for five seconds before it disappeared. The photo disappeared shortly after. It was like the dark web version of Snapchat.
She dropped her phone. She fell back against her door and slipped down to the floor. This was her fault. Maya was going to die, and it was her fucking fault. She threw her head back to try and fight the tears.
She wasn't in control of her faculties, but she had enough sense to reach for her phone and text Alison.
I need you.
Alison panicked when she got the text. She could tell by the tone of it that something was wrong. She was terrified that something had happened to her...that she was hurt...that something had happened to the baby. Her mind spiraled into the darkest scenarios imaginable. She tried to call her, but Emily didn't pick up.
It only took her ten minutes to get to Emily's house. When Pam met her at the door with a tear-stained face Alison felt like she was going to faint. Her stomach lurched. She had to fight a bout of nausea.
"Is she okay? Is the baby..." She was out of breath and on the verge of crying. If she lost the baby Alison wasn't sure what she'd do.
"The baby is fine," Pam said. "Emily is okay, but something happened to one of her friends..."
Pam explained what was going on and Alison made a beeline for Emily's room. She found Emily sitting up against the wall next to her door, hugging her knees and rocking gently.
"Hey, Em, your mom told me about Maya. I…"
When she walked in Emily looked up. Her face was stricken with tears. Her cheeks were red and splotchy. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. Her nose was bright red.
Alison had never seen Emily cry before. She didn't know what to do. She froze at first. But then she remembered all the times that Emily had taken her into her arms and comforted her. She thought about what Hanna had said about being there for her.
"Oh…sweetie…" She fell to her knees in front of her.
"I can't stop crying." Emily huffed, her voice uneven and raspy. "I don't know why."
Alison knew why. Because Maya had meant something to her. She wanted to hate the girl, but she couldn't. She thought about how bratty she'd acted out of petty jealousy since they'd started dating. And she realized it was a terrible look on her. Her eyes were starting to open in ways they never had before. She could understand...she could feel how Emily felt. Because she knew she'd be devastated if something happened to Emily.
"It's okay. She was…special to you. I understand." Normally, it bothered Alison when she thought about Emily's past relationships. But all she could focus on was Emily's pain.
It was one of the most unbearable things that Alison had ever experienced. Emily had always been brave and strong and unbreakable. Sometimes she forgot that Emily had pain, too. She had sensed that Emily was internalizing all of her stress. She knew that sooner or later something was going to crack her foundation, but she'd never dreamed it would be something so drastic.
She could see Emily's entire body constricting in an unspoken emotional agony. There was a turmoil in her eyes that Alison had never seen before. Alison could see every little pronounced line of tension on her face.
Emily lowered her chin and clenched her eyes shut, her face twisting into a pained grimace. She felt a jabbing sensation in her stomach. She whimpered out a groan and reached for her belly, placing her palm flat against it. She huffed out a strained cry.
Alison raised her brows in alarm, putting her hand on top of Emily's. She put her other palm against Emily's cheek. She searched her eyes desperately, worried that something might be wrong with the baby.
"Hey, just take it easy." Alison's face softened, her fingers stroking her face tenderly. "Do we need to go to the hospital? Is she okay?"
Emily knew the baby was fine. She was still getting used to the movements and the discomfort that came with the pregnancy. It seemed worse when she was having high energy mood swings. She knew that her daughter could sense her pain. She'd felt it before. It was her body's natural way of reacting. The connection to her child was something more powerful than she'd ever felt before.
"She doesn't like it when I'm upset," Emily said softly.
"That makes two of us."
Emily softly started sobbing again. Alison cupped her cheeks and gently pulled her face forward. She kissed her tenderly, trying to help ease the pain. She could taste the salt from Emily's tears.
Alison's lips were warm and comforting, a safe place, a place where she felt at home. She relaxed into the kiss. She reached up and laid her hand against Alison's cheek.
When they pulled away, Alison kept her palms against Emily's face. She kept her gaze fixed on Emily's eyes.
"I'm sorry, Em." Alison pushed her forehead against the brunette's. "I'm so sorry."
She meant it in more than one sense. She was sorry for what had happened to Maya. But she was also sorry for all the snide comments and the bratty selfish behavior. She was sorry for not seeing how much Emily needed her before now. She was sorry that she'd been so selfish with Emily's love...that she'd taken her for granted and lost sight of the fact that she had something beautiful in the brunette.
She couldn't go back and fix her mistakes. But she could be there for her now. And that's what she intended to do.
"I've got you, sweetie. I'm here."
Emily nodded and pulled Alison into her body, needing to feel her embrace. Alison held her close, letting the torrent of her tears drench her shirt. Emily's anguish was so prominent that Alison could feel her silent screams. She was slowly suffocating.
Alison knew she couldn't do anything to take her pain away. All she could do was be there, just like Emily had been there for her. Alison pulled her into her arms, and she let Emily cry. She wrapped her arms around her and stroked the back of her head in an attempt to calm the noise in her head.
She felt every last ounce of her agony.
It was staggering.
A/N: Welp...plot twist. Poor Maya. Tune in next week to see what else is in store.
Personally, I wish we'd had more Caleb/Emily in the show. All your theories have been great. I've really enjoyed meshing the book and show together. Courtney, Nick, and Isaac are really fun characters to delve into. Hope you all enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them.