CHAPTER 24:

If John slept like the dead because of his meds then Alex was the complete opposite. His crying teetered off a while ago, replaced by little snores and a snuggly body that had forced John onto his back so Alex could roll over on top of him. Any shifting movement on John's behalf stirred Alex into another frenzy of readjustment himself, so aside from the calming pets down his back which seemed to settle the little eggbeater, John was stuck laying motionless underneath him. He would have been annoyed by it, if Alex's whole body weight wasn't actually a weird comfort in and of itself. It still hurt to move his abdomen, but Alex acted like a compress of sorts, and kept John from hurting himself anymore as he napped. John was still sore and aching, his stomach hurt from where he'd been kicked and one of his lower ribs felt like it could have been bruised as well. His face still ached from where he'd been hit. But Alex's warm body pressing drown on him had a way of making his errant soul feel oddly grounded in his own skin.

John closed his eyes and pretended for a moment that everything wasn't completely fucked. His hands softly tracing the curves of Alex's shoulders or tangling in the tendrils of his hair as they lightly explored areas of Alex's body in a way that had soothed him. He carefully nuzzled his face against the crown of Alex's head, inhaling slowly and deeply the cranberry scent of his shampoo. He wrapped arms around Alex's torso and squeezed him in a hug, feeling so much gratitude for just a few simple moments of life unapologetically existing just as it was.

Alex grunted and started another shifting fit, only this time he sat up for a minute and opened his eyes. John slid his hands down Alex's arms and he watched his roommate quietly. Alex looked about blearily, then laid back down, not on top of John so much now but to his side, still snuggling up to John's shoulder and tucking his face against John's neck, their legs intertwined together under the covers. The room went silent again, the only sound to fill it was their soft breaths and the gentle rustling of fabric as John resumed petting Alex under the comforter they hid beneath together. Honestly, if John could have stayed just like this the rest of the week he'd probably be satisfied.

"i'm sorry..."

The voice was so small John thought at first that Alex was just talking in his sleep. "am i bothering you?" He kept petting Alex idly and staring at the ceiling, the words hardly registering in his mind. "...john?"

"Hmm?"

"Am I bothering you?" Alex shifted and John finally realized he was awake as he sat up from laying over John's chest. "I mean, you're in my bed, but I can go if you wanted to rest..."

"You're okay," John told him. "I think it was actually helping. Do you feel better?"

Alex nodded and wiped the sleep from his eyes with a yawn. "I only just woke up a few hours ago...I don't know why I want to go back to sleep..."

"You were really upset," John said. "That...happens..."

"It does," Alex conceded. "Can I take a look at that bruise?" He gestured to the cheek John had tried to hide from him before and sighed as his roommate consented with a turn of his head. "Oh, John...did he do this? That...guy you were hooking up with?"

"Yeah...I guess he didn't like me as much the second time he saw me..."

"He hit you during sex?!"

"No—no...he just hit me because...I dunno, he was acting like a jerk and I wanted to come home..."

"That's not an excuse! Uhhng, I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I...I let you go out with him...I had a bad feeling, and I still encouraged you to go out."

"That isn't your fault."

Alex didn't look the slightest bit convinced. "I just didn't want to step on your toes. But he rubbed me in such a wrong way and maybe if I had said something differently..."

"I probably wouldn't have listened anyway," John sighed. "I'm foolish and stubborn sometimes."

"Heh, me," Alex said, rubbing his thumb gently over John's injured cheek. "Reckless and loudmouthed too."

"Alex?"

"Yeah John?"

He bit his bottom lip, scared to ask the question in his mind, watching Alex's face for even the slightest hint of insincerity in case everything he felt was wrong. "Do you..." They caught in his throat, the words he wanted to use, scared of who could be listening now to their utterance. "Do you ever...pretend to be someone that you're not?"

"Sure," Alex replied, surprising John. "Don't we all do that sometimes?"

"How would I know?" John asked. "That you aren't him?"

Alex looked perplexed at that, a small bemused smile pulling at his lips. He looked for a moment as if he wanted to say something, when they were interrupted by quick series of knocks. "Hello!" Alex called instead.

"Bonjour!" Lafayette's voice called just before the door opened and he entered with a smile. Behind him Thomas's voice seemed to go from conversing to chastising him, but the words were drowned out as Lafayette added, "Thomas said John was not feeling well, so we have brought—Oh!" he stopped when he saw where John was laying, and how Alex was nearly on top of him. "We are not interrupting something, I hope?"

"Hamilton!" Thomas yelled when he got a look at the two sharing a bed. "What Did I Tell You?!"

"John is in MY bed," Alex defended pretending to sound indignant. He shot John as coy smile and a little wink. "And I'm not gunna kick him out if it's where he's most comfortable, c'mon Thomas. Besides, I think you're just mad you haven't got a hose to turn on us this time."

"I'll show you a hose!" Thomas yelled as he dropped a cloth bag on John's desk and begun digging around inside it. He pulled out a water bottle, quickly twisting off the cap and throwing water at Alex before the other could register what was happening. Even as Alex yelled and put his hands up, Thomas went on, "Y'all are worse then a bunch of horny ass teenagers on homecoming night, I swear!"

"Excuse you, I waited until prom, thank you very much!" Alex cried, reaching for the first thing he could reach to throw at Thomas, which happened to be his own pillow from under John's head. Thomas slapped it away with a well placed backhand and caught James right in the face on the back swing as he tried to sneak past. Alex's laughter was immediate, but he threw off the comforter and rushed over to make sure James was alright, bickering more with Thomas over whose fault it was really. In all the commotion, Lafayette took the opportunity to come sit on the bed with John as he pushed himself to sit up.

Lafayette pointed to his own cheek with an inquisitive look, indicating to John that he was asking about the bruise he had. "It's nothing," John said, settling slowly as his stomach told him not to move around too much while it still ached.

"What happened?" Lafayette asked in a lowered voice. He reached for John's face and was mildly annoyed when his friend turned his head to avoid being touched.

"I got beat up, it's no big deal," John said. "Leave it alone."

"Who did this? And why? Tell me John, I will—"

"I'm fine, Laf. I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Well, when will you talk about it?"

"Later, not now."

"Why won't you tell me things anymore, mon amour? I am worried, I do not like fighting with you."

"I'm not fighting with you," John said, hearing his own voice waver. "I just don—"

"Then tell me what happen. Who hurt you?"

"Hey Laf!" Thomas said, drawing the French man's attention. He'd stopped bickering with Alex, and was busying himself with pulling containers of Chinese food from the bags he'd carried in. "Get some paper plates from that damn table John insists on lugging around, would you?"

"Alex, would you be a sweet and do that please?" Lafayette tried to deflect but Thomas would have none of it.

"I asked you to do it Laf. Don't be a brat."

"I am having a conversation with my friend. And Alex—"

"We aren't Alex's guests, we didn't come here to see him so don't expect him to serve you. And John should be resting right now anyway, so get me those plates please. John, what do you want? We got green pepper bell beef, shrimp fried rice, and then peanut chicken curry or a lemon chicken. Aaand white or brown rice?"

"Anything is fine," John said. He realized he was starving as soon as Thomas began opening the containers and the smell began to fill the room. "The plates are on the middle shelf, Laf."

"We will talk later then," the French man whispered to John before getting up to do as he was asked. John tried not to feel threatened by that, or show that he had any anxiety about what he would even say. He tried not to think about how everything in the room was being recorded, how the cruel monster who'd hurt him was probably just listening for the wrong thing to be said or the wrong action to be taken so he could ruin John's entire life. He pulled his knees carefully up to his chest and hugged them, already missing the calm stillness the room had had before his friends showed up. He didn't want to kick them out he just...didn't want to be social right then either. But there was nowhere he could get up and go to with ease, so he just prayed silently for the strength to hold it together. A hand gently grazed down his back and John peeked up to see Alex giving him gentle smile.

"Brought you the pillow back," he said, holding out the very thing he'd stolen and thrown at Thomas. "Wanna lean against it?"

"Sure," John said and he leaned forward so his roommate could deposit it behind him. Alex then sat down on the side of the bed next to him, offering his hand by laying it palm up on the bed beside John's hips. He reached for it before Alex could think to retract the offer, finding a small bit of comfort in his ability to just hold onto Alex in the new chaos of their dorm. It was short lived, however as Lafayette brought them each a plate to eat from and John had to let go in order to accept the nourishment.

"You stole my seat," Lafayette minded Alex as he handed a plate to him as well.

"I wasn't aware you'd claimed my bed too," Alex countered with an innocent smile. "But that's okay, there's plenty of room to sit next to me." And he patted the mattress next to him, further from John, and left it up to Lafayette if he wanted to get into a petty spat about the seating. Fortunately, Lafayette knew when something so trivial was beneath him. "Yo, this is pretty good, Thomas," Alex said, ignoring the dirty looks Lafayette shot him as he opted to sit in the extra chair they had instead. "You're a good cook!"

"...I didn't cook this," Thomas replied, gesturing at the containers they food had come in.

"Thank god," John muttered.

"It's...nevermind," Alex said, deciding maybe he didn't want to share that piece of information with the class.

"It's what?" Thomas prompted, finding his own seat next to James on John's empty bed. "A joke to you?"

"It's something my mother used to say," Alex muttered. "...whenever my brother or I brought food home as kids..."

"Oh," James perked and Alex tried not to outwardly cringe as he asked, "You hardly ever told me about your childhood, what kind of food did you used to bring home?"

Alex chewed a little more slowly and let the silence hang in the air for a moment, hoping someone else would say something and he wouldn't have to. But it seemed too interesting a topic for everyone and so he swallowed around the lump in his throat and kept his eyes down on his plate as he said, "pretty much whatever we could dig from the trash..."

"Oh," James' voice was softer then usual but rang too loud in the following silence.

"You Eat From The Trash?!" Thomas yelled far more brutally.

"No!" Alex snapped, whipping his head up to glare at Thomas.

"You Literally JUST Said—"

"Thomas, don't—"

"So What If I Did?!" Alex snapped over the voices of the others. "Do You Have A Fucking Problem With That?!"

"Hamilton, That Is Disgusting!"

"and it explain some things..."

"You're Disgusting, Thomas!"

"I don't eat spoiled food from the trash! That's how people get sick!"

Alex tried to hold back his rage, he really tried. But Thomas had no fucking idea what he'd stepped into when he uttered those words. Alex stood up so fast the plate he had balancing on his lap fell to the floor and the food on it splattered all around. "GET OUT!" He screamed at Thomas. "GET OUT OF MY ROOM, RIGHT NOW!"

"Alex just calm d—"

"NO! NO, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN JAMES! FUCK YOU THOMAS, HOW DARE YOU COME IN HERE, PRY INTO MY PAST AND THEN TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT FOR IT! GET OUT OR I WILL THROW YOU OUT!"

"I didn't—"

"THE FUCK YOU DIDN'T!"

"—Pry into your past, that was James!"

"I always appreciate being thrown under a bus," James said monotonously, meaning it as a joke.

"I didn't throw you under a bus, it's just the truth!" Thomas cried. "Why is everyone against me all of a sudden?! What did I do wrong?!"

"GET! OUT!"

"Alex," John's voice was even and far more calm then he felt even as his roommate's pissed off glare rounded on him. "Please don't yell at my friends. Thomas is an absolute idiot—"

"HEY!"

"—but an idiot with a really good heart. He's the one who came and got me when this happened." As he touched his cheek Alex's anger seemed to deflate almost immediately. The room stayed quiet as Alex took a moment to debate with himself in his head, finally he turned back to Thomas, still seemingly pissed off and said, "You owe me an apology."

"Sorry you eat from the trash?" Thomas tried.

"Try. Again." Alex seethed.

"It's not what you said, it's how you said it," James minded his boyfriend.

"Oh no, no, it's what you said," Alex jumped in. "AND how you said it. So c'mon, let's hear it, a sincere apology, let's go."

"I'm sorry I insinuated you were a sick and disgusting human being for eating out of the trash," Thomas tried again. "You can eat whatever you want."

"Apology not accepted," Alex said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Here, I'll help you out. When I was young, my father owed people a fair amount of money. I don't know why, and I don't know how much, but he was just bad with handling finances, that's all I do know. As a result of that and our mother's ill health, we grew up really fucking poor. And when he disappeared without a trace, well, it certainly didn't leave us in the best position. We lost everything and had no other family close by to rely on, so my older brother had to drop out of school and work odd jobs under the table just so we'd have either a warm place to sleep in a motel room once in a while or, more importantly, fresh food to eat. But it was never consistent and it was never enough because even when we did have money a good portion of it had to go toward getting our mother medicine for her sickness. So we did whatever else we could to get by. And I wanted so badly to do what I could to help as well, get a job, shoplift food, medicine for mom, anything...but my brother wouldn't let me. He said he was older and it was his responsibility to take care of our mother AND me; that he didn't want me doing anything that would throw away my shot at getting an education and getting us all out of that lifestyle. He would take care of us right then and I could take care of the family later, when I was older. But I never got the chance, because it's hard enough caring for a sick person when you can't even afford the medicine to make them better to begin with, but when all you can feed them is stuff you dug out of a dumpster, you're not exactly giving them their best fighting chance there, are you?" He pushed aside the tears he felt on his cheeks then added, "So let's hear that apology one more time, hmm?"

"I didn't know," Thomas said softly. "Alex, I'm so sorry for your loss—"

"That is NOT what you are apologizing for." All eyes turned to Lafayette for a moment, Alex surprised he'd said the words that had almost come from his own mouth.

"He's right tho," Alex went on. "You didn't kill my mom, that's not what you're sorry for."

"You know, I was trying to be sincere," Thomas replied. "Offer my condolences, and then an apology. Look, I'm sorry I acted like a jerk, okay? But you know what, don't give me any goddamn attitude about what a hard life you had growing up poor and how you don't want my sympathy about it because I wasn't trying to pity you just now. Believe it or not, I also know what it's like to grow up in a situation where you don't know where your next meal will come from, tho I guess I was just lucky that my mother could work and wasn't sick. And while I may not know what it would have been like had I lost her I can tell you there were a few times we came too damn close to that for anyone's comfort. So don't stand there and boo hoo that you're some kind of special snowflake who needs to be treated all sensitive like, cuz that shit ain't gunna fly with me."

Alex considered Thomas for a moment, peeking quickly at the other people in the room as he talked to gauge their reactions. Seeing that they looked a bit surprised to be hearing this all from Thomas as well meant he was either lying about it or, like Alex, he just never wanted to talk about these things. "You grew up poor?" Alex responded. "So what, did your mom start adopting children just to cash in on the money you get to raise children that aren't yours? Cuz I was part of that system and I can play that card too."

"You know, if they had I would have a legit reason to hate them," Thomas said. "But no, my parents don't need the money to raise all the goddamn kids they got. My step-father has a really good job doing fuck all if I know or care what, and he helped my mom not only get a job in the same company he works for but also got her promoted faster then she might've been on her own. But that don't change where I come from or what I went through as a kid, which would include coming this close to being a fucking foster child once too, dumbass."

"What Thomas is saying," James cut in before Alex could go off again, "is that he understands you, Alex. And?" he turned and gave Thomas a prompting look.

"And what, I said I was sorry for being a jerk, didn't I?"

"You could grovel for my forgiveness a bit more," Alex said.

"Oh, bite me."

"Sorry, but I don't eat garbage anymore."

"Still isn't any less gross that you did it, but good on you."

Alex hissed out a sigh and narrowed his eyes at Thomas, even as John minded his friend to leave Alex alone. But Alex wasn't done being in a spat, especially not when he looked down and registered that the meal he'd been eating was dropped on the floor. He hated to see food wasted and to know that Thomas had perturbed him into wasting this meal angered him more. He bent down and collected the plate, scooping as much of the mess back onto it as possible, then grinned at Thomas almost evilly. "So it's gross that I've eaten out of dumpters, right Thomas?"

"Without a doubt," the Virginian replied.

"What about if I did this?" Alex retorted and showed Thomas the plate of floor food just before shoving his face in it and pretended to eat the mess of curry and rice. The shout of disgust that Thomas made and the gagging noise made was sooooo worth it.

"HAMILTON! THAT! IS! DISGUSTING! STOOOP!"

"Oh I dunno," Alex said as he pulled his messy face from the plate. He scooped up an handful of the saucy rice. "It's still pretty good. Wanna try some?"

"Dooooon't you even dare," Thomas said, catching the mischievous glint in Alex's eye. He tried to retreat but had nowhere to go but up onto John's bed as Alex advanced and James, already having had his fill of Alex's antics, relocated to the space Alex left open next to John and left Thomas wide open for attack. "HAMILTON! NO!" Thomas yelled as Alex jumped up on the bed and he lost his footing under the shifting furniture. Alex moved fast and cornered him, smearing the mess in his hand mostly into Thomas's hair as he flailed in an effort to avoid the inevitable. "STOP IT! STOP IT YOU LITTLE GREMLIN! STOP!"

"I thought I told you to limit his coffee consumption?" James said to John who shrugged nonchalantly.

"Hey, he's already sniffed the stash out. Figured there was no use hiding it now."

"Point taken."

Thomas slammed Alex down into the mattress that was John's bed and pinned him so as to prevent him from wiggling around further, but if he hoped that would subdue Alex then he was poorly mistaken. Alex's smirk turned seductive, his squirming weaponized as he targeted pushing against certain areas and he moaned under Thomas, "Ooooh, harder daddy!" John nearly choked on his drink but it was lost over Thomas's scream of, "JAAAAAAMES, WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM?!"

James took his sweet time looking them over, as if contemplating what to tell Thomas and then finally responded with, "Call him son."

"OH YOU'RE NO HELP AT ALL!" Thomas yelled as he got off Alex.

"Wait! I wasn't finished!" Alex teased, still in that lusty voice John didn't near to hear right now. "You didn't even let me cum yet!"

"I WAS EATING HAMILTON! YOU RUINED MY FOOD!"

"I got something you can put in your mouth, big boy."

"IS THERE RICE IN MY HAIR?!"

"Would you rather it was m c—"

"I HAVE TO GET READY FOR WORK!" John announced loudly. He pushed himself out of bed, ignoring the dull pain in his stomach, and went to his closet to get a change of clothes.

"What time are you supposed to be there?" Thomas asked him, thankfully resuming a conversational tone.

"Uhh, now," John said, his mind frazzled. "Soon. I need a shower and then I gotta go."

"I'll take you," Thomas volunteered.

"Okay, sure," John agreed and hurried to lock himself in the bathroom where he thought no one could watch him. He dropped his clothes on the counter and quickly turned on the shower so that those outside the bathroom might not hear him trying to get a grip. Putting the lid down on the toilet., he sat and used it like a chair as he buried his hands in his hair and tried to block out the many images flooding his mind. Alex could never be Lin for him again. Alex must NEVER be Lin for him again.

END CHAPTER