Chapter 22

Jimmy started stirring and turned his head. He saw a campfire. He coughed and tried to sit up. Someone got his arm and helped. He turned to see Kid.

"I got some food ready if you want to try to eat."

Jimmy closed his eyes in frustration.

"You look like you need to eat something. I swear the wind could blow you away."

Jimmy didn't answer. He reached up with his good hand and felt his nose. He looked at the blood on his fingers. He frowned again. It should have been more. He should be bleeding to death right now.

"Here. Wipe your face." Kid said tossing a rag over.

"Why didn't you kill me?" Jimmy whispered letting the rag stay on the ground.

"Because even though I thought that I wanted to, I couldn't."

"Just kill me."

"If you want to die so bad then why don't you do it yourself? I ain't gonna have your blood on my hands."

"I've tried."

Kid stopped and looked at the fire. The realization of that statement sinking in. He had tried to kill himself. He turned to look at him. Kid noticed for the first time since seeing Jimmy again that he had that look in his eyes. He looked like a shell of the person that he used to be. He had given up on life a long time ago.

"I'm sorry." Kid admitted.

Jimmy felt that feeling in his chest again. He couldn't allow them to forgive him.

"Don't."

"I am. I'm sorry. I've held this hate toward you all this time. Even after Lou let it go, I held onto it. Never once did I think about what you could have been doing to yourself."

"What the hell is wrong with you people? You should have hunted me down and got rid of me."

"That's not who we are, Jimmy, and you know it. That's why you came back here. You knew you needed help."

"That ain't the fucking reason why I came back."

"Then tell me why."

"I came to leave my fucking daughter on Rachel's doorstep cause that's the kind of man that I am."

Kid now knew that he had been home. He just didn't know how long.

"Daughter? You have another kid?"

"Me. A complete waste of air. Yes. I have a kid. A complete fucking screw up, murderer, rapist. I need to die."

Kid didn't let his words sway him. He watched his old friend let it out.

"What's her name?"

"Maddie. Madeleine."

"You see Lou's girl?"

Jimmy got quiet. Kid had to keep him going.

"She sure looks like her father."

That got his attention. He looked at Kid.

"Got a wild streak in her too."

"Marry Lou, Kid. Raise her to be good. Love her for me."

Kid looked at Jimmy. He was a broken man.

"Why don't you do that?"

"I'm done talking."

Kid sighed. He looked at his friend again.

"What happened to your hand anyway?"

"Snake."

"A rattlesnake? Wow."

"Another failure of mine."

Kid hoped that he had heard the words wrong but he knew that he didn't. Jimmy coughed and held his hand to his chest as he laid still staring out into nothing.

"Lou loves you."

"No, she doesn't. She says she forgives me but she can't even look at me. I can't look at me."

"I have asked her to marry me but she keeps putting me off on the slim hope that you would come back like you were before all this happened. You need to forgive yourself. It was a mistake."

"The only way for me is death. I'll find it on my own."

Jimmy grunted as fell into a fitful sleep. Kid decided that he would stay awake that night. He didn't want Jimmy to make a run for it.

Lou sat on Rachel's porch watching the colors of the sun streak across the horizon as it set. Rosalyn and Maddie sat on either side of her. She had her arms around both.

"Beautiful." Said Rachel walking outside.

"It is."

"I love when it sets."

"I love the early mornings. It's like the sun brings on new hope when it rises."

Lou pulled the girls down and made a spot for Rachel. Maddie climbed in her lap and put her thumb in her mouth.

"Teaspoon decided to take a week. He hasn't been sleeping. He's going out to look."

"He may never find him."

"I think he'll be back just as soon as he finishes healing. He'll start sneaking in things for these girls again cause even though he acts different, he is still our tender hearted Jimmy inside."

"Rachel, we have enough money now to last a lifetime."

"That won't matter."

"Just think of all he has killed for that money. He became the one thing that he was scared of becoming."

"Don't give up, Lou. There's still hope for him yet."

"If Teaspoon goes, then I'm going to."

"Thought you might."