Chapter Twenty: How Do I Sort This Out?

Edward's POV

I stupidly watched her walk away as tears pooled in my eyes. I wanted to move and chase after her and tell her how stupid I was and how sorry I was. But it felt like my feet were nailed to the floor. My entire body was numb.

She disappeared around the corner and my world suddenly felt very small.

Eventually, I felt like I was going to throw up so I made my way to the bathroom. I kneeled in front of the toilet for a few minutes before the nausea passed. I got up to wash my hands and found myself staring at my face in the mirror.

I didn't recognize him at all.

"Edward?" My dad asked as he knocked on the bathroom door. He swung the door open and gave me that "something's wrong" look he was so good at. "Did Bella leave?"

"Huh?" I asked looking up at him.

"Is Bella coming back? I saw her leaving the hotel."

At the mention of her name, I felt nauseous again. "Umm, no. She left."

"Did something happen? Is Brady okay?"

"He's fine."

"Then…"

"We broke up," I blurted out.

He looked stunned. "You and Bella...broke up?"

"Well, we're taking a break so I can figure out what I really want."

"What does that mean?"

I shrugged as I sat down on the bathroom floor. "The hell if I know," I said. "She thinks that I've put Rosalie on this high pedestal and she'll never be able to get there."

Dad was silent. "Well…"

"You think I do that?"

"I never said that."

"You may as well have."

He sighed. "Did you think that speech was going to make her feel good?"

"Why does everyone keep talking about that damn speech. It's a wedding so I referred to my own experience."

"Mentioning your wedding wasn't what got to her."

I slammed my hands on the tile floor. "The what got to her?"

"You made it seem like Bella didn't even exist and you probably made her feel very small."

"And how do you know that?"

"It would have made me feel minute, Edward," He said softly. "That girl loves you and has been nothing but patient and understanding when it came to Rosalie. You walked all over her during that toast."

"I didn't mean to hurt her."

He nodded. "I know that."

"But...when I was watching Emmett and Kate today I couldn't help but think about Rosalie," I admitted. "And before...I was open to getting married again."

"And?"

"Now I'm not so sure I want to do it all again."

"It's natural to be scared."

"I don't want to be married to anyone but Rosalie."

He sighed. "I thought you passed this stage?"

"It's not something you move past, dad. Could you move past it if mom died?"

"It would be very...very difficult and it would take a long time," He told me. "But eventually I wouldn't want to be alone anymore and I know your mother wouldn't want me to be alone either."

"What's wrong with me dad?" I asked as a single tear ran down my cheek.

"You're stuck."

"I didn't think I was stuck," I admitted. "I love Bella. I didn't think I would ever love anyone again but I fell in love with her."

"Tell her that."

"I don't want her to feel like she's second place next to Rosalie."

Dad nodded and looked like he was deep in thought. "Maybe you should consider going back to therapy."

"I did the therapy thing like mom asked when Caroline was born."

"Therapy isn't a one time deal, son. Sometimes you have to keep going back." I nodded, taking everything in. "I know you love her, Edward. Don't ruin this because you're scared of letting Rosalie go and forgetting her."

He stood up and left the bathroom. I stayed on the floor for a couple more minutes as I wrapped my head around things. I finally stood up and went over to wash my hands. When I approached the counter, my front pocket touched the edge and I felt the box in my pocket.

I pulled out the little box and opened it. I stared down at the rosegold ring with the simple amethyst jewel in the middle. I knew we weren't ready to get married yet, but I was going to give this ring to her as a promise later that night when we were alone in the hotel room.

Twelve hours ago I had wanted to promise her that I was in this and that we were going to be together. I couldn't believe what was happening.

I messed everything up.

I knew Rosalie would want me to be happy and I knew she'd want Caroline to be happy. Bella made both of us happy and if she were here Rosalie probably would have kicked my ass for doing this. I loved Rosalie...I always would but of course, Bella had a place with me. She wasn't just some consolation prize.

She was the woman I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I closed the box and set the box on the counter. I looked in the mirror and saw a complete stranger. I saw the person who thought he'd never get over Rosalie and would forever be grieving for her. I saw the person who could barely get out of bed when he lost his wife.

I hated that guy.

I felt my fist clenching and in a matter of seconds, I had punched the mirror. The glass broke and my hand immediately started bleeding. I couldn't feel any pain yet though, I was still so numb.

The bathroom door swung open and someone took my hand to examine it.

"Edward?" My mom asked. "Edward, honey?"

"Yes?" I asked looking at her. She was holding my bloody hand and I bit my lip to keep from crying out in pain. "How did you hear that?"

"Your father said you were in here so I was coming to check on you," She said. "Carlisle!" She called as she grabbed some paper towel and wrapped my hand up.

I sighed. "Mom, I'm fine."

"What the hell happened?" Dad asked as he rushed in behind mom.

"I'm okay," I lied as I pulled my hand away from mom. "Just a cut.

They both looked at the mirror and back at me. "I have my bag in the car," Dad told us and left.

"I'm good! Go enjoy the reception."

Mom stared at me as she turned on the cold water and ran my hand underneath. "The reception is mainly their drunk college friends. We're staying here with you."

Dad came back a few minutes later with his black, leather doctor bag. Mom left to get ice while he cleaned the wound. He carefully examined it and determined I wouldn't need stitches.

"You're lucky this isn't deeper than it is," He said as he pulled some medical glue out of his back. He carefully glued the wound back together just as mom came back with the ice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin this night for you."

Dad stared at me and I suddenly felt very small. "Let's just get you fixed up."

After dad had glued the cut and wrapped my hand I was good to go. He gave me instructions on how to care for it and warned if things started hurting more and if anything turned a weird color to see a doctor.

"We'll go upstairs with Caroline tonight. Why don't you go home and get some sleep?"

I nodded. "Are you sure?"

"We never say no to spending time with our grandchild."

"Thanks, mom."

"You're brother and Kate don't know anything," She whispered. "You haven't spoiled this for them."

"I'm sorry for doing this. I never wanted…"

"Honey, go home and get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning."

I nodded and went back to the ballroom to find my brother and sister-in-law. Emmett was tipsy, almost drunk and Kate was stone-cold sober but that's just who they were as a couple. I said my goodbye's and promised to see them in the morning at brunch before they headed on their honeymoon.

As I drove home, I contemplated going to see Bella but I decided not to. She clearly wanted space and I wanted to respect her.

I hated going home to an empty apartment. Tonight was supposed to be so special and I ruined that. My selfishness and cowardice ruined what was going to be a night of love and promise and I hated myself for it.

I found myself constantly checking my phone to see if I'd missed a call or text from Bella but there was obviously nothing.

When I walked into my bedroom, my heart sank. There was a picture of Rosalie and me on our wedding day sitting on my dresser along with some pictures of Caroline. There was even a picture of Caroline and Brady when we went to the lake over the summer.

Then I looked at the picture of Bella and me on my nightstand. I sat down on the bed and picked up the frame and stared down at it. It was taken on the Fourth of July. We were standing by the lake, both with sunburned noses, and mom insisted she get a picture of us. She was cozied up to my side and had her arms wrapped around my waist.

We were smiling so big it took up our entire face.

"What the fuck did I do?" I whispered as I set the picture back down.

I fell asleep in my suit and shoes and didn't wake up until my phone began loudly ringing. I looked at the time and realized I was late for the brunch. I texted my mom and brother telling them my alarm didn't go off and that I would be there soon. I took a quick shower, threw on a pair of khakis and a blue sweater, and headed outside to my car.

Thankfully the brunch place was only a ten-minute drive.

When I got there, Caroline was seated between my parents and there was an open seat next to Emmett. I sat down and he glanced at my hand and looked at me with wide eyes. I quietly told him not to worry but he was Emmett so of course, he was worried.

"What happened last night?" He asked as we stood at the omelet bar together. "You disappeared and now your hand is bandaged up."

"This is your wedding weekend," I sighed. "I don't want to upset you."

"Edward."

I frowned. He wasn't going to let this go. "Bella and I broke up. I was upset and punched the mirror in the bathroom."

"You punched a mirror?"

I nodded. "I'm fine. Dad glued the wound and didn't think I would need stitches."

"What happened with Bella?"

"I don't want to talk about this," I whispered. "Please. Let's just enjoy the brunch."

I could tell he wanted to know more but he was respecting my wishes. When we sat back down I hid my hand as best I could from Caroline. She would freak out if she saw and I didn't want to cause any scene or cause more problems.

"So, Edward, your date was mighty pretty," Joe, Kate's dad smiled halfway through the meal.

"She's the prettiest," Caroline smiled. "She went with me and Aunt Kate to pick out mine and Lucy's dress."

"How did you two meet?" Janette asked.

"Oh…" I started before Caroline cut me off.

"She's my best friend's mom. We met them when I moved schools last year."

"Is her husband passed too?" Joe asked.

"No, they're divorced."

"What a shame. But, I guess it's good for you."

I laughed nervously. "No one can believe how drunk Seth got last night. The boys had to practically carry him out," Emmett changed the subject.

"Who let him drink that much in the first place?" Mom asked. "Didn't he just turn twenty-one?"

Emmett shrugged. "I wasn't the babysitter last night."

I kicked Emmett under the table to thank him for changing the subject. I wasn't trying to hide anything from Caroline but this was not the time or place to tell her.

After two hours, it was time for the newlyweds to catch their flight. Janette and Joe volunteered to take them to the airport so they wouldn't need to pay for parking all week. We said our goodbyes in the parking lots and headed to our separate cars.

Mom and dad were staying until Tuesday but we were all so tired we decided to go home and rest before they came over for dinner. Caroline was nearly asleep when we got home and I would have carried her upstairs if she hadn't woken up.

"Can Bella and Brady come over for dinner?" Caroline asked as we relaxed on the couch together.

I sighed. Now was as good a time as any. "Honey, we need to talk about something?"

"What?" She turned on the couch to face me. She was so sweet and I felt like the world's worst father with this news.

"Care, Bella and I have broken up." Her face went white. "I'm so sorry."

"You...you aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore?" I shook my head. "Why not?"

"Honey, not everyone lives happily ever after."

"But you said you wanted to!"

"Caroline…"

"You did! You thought I was asleep but I wasn't," She was getting upset. "We were reading a fairy tale together and when you thought I was sleeping you said we were going to be like the princess and be happy."

"I wanted that to be true."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Sweetie,"

"You lied to me!" She yelled as she got off the couch. "You said we were going to be happy! You lied!"

"Caroline, things can change. We can still be happy."

She had tears in her eyes. "You're a liar and I...I HATE YOU!" She ran back to her room and slammed the door. I cringed when I went up to her closed door and heard her crying. This was supposed to be such a happy weekend and I selfishly ruined everything.

In the moment...I hadn't even thought about Caroline and I was such an idiot for doing that.

Of course, Caroline was heartbroken. Bella was the closet thing she's ever had to a mother. And I knew that Bella would still be in Caroline's life because of Brady and the bond they had but us not being together changed things. I knew she'd been dreaming of us getting married before we even started dating.

I contemplated knocking on her door but I wanted to give her some time to process everything.

When it was getting close to my parents coming, I put in a delivery order at a local Mexican restaurant.

When they got there, I couldn't hear Caroline anymore and the food was about the be delivered. There was a weird feeling in the air when they came inside and I knew I needed to talk to them too. I'd made Emmett's wedding about me, which was selfish, and they loved Bella too.

Flying to the moon felt like such a good idea at the moment as we stood in the living room and stared at each other.

"How's your hand feeling, honey?" Mom asked.

"It hurts but I'm okay," I whispered. "I'm really sorry about last night. I never meant to ruin the evening for you two."

Dad stared at me and then his eyes softened. "It wasn't on purpose."

"It really wasn't," I assured them as I felt tears in my eyes. "I was going to give Bella a ring and promise a future together."

"You were going to propose?" Mom asked.

"No," I said. "We aren't ready to get married yet but I wanted her to know that I was committed to her and that I...saw her in my future. I saw the four of us being family."

"Son, we all do stupid things," Dad said as he put his hand on my shoulder. "Take some time, deal with these residual feelings about Rosalie, and be with Bella."

"What if she never wants me back?" I asked.

"You won't know until you try," Mom smiled as she kissed my cheek.

Just then there was a buzz from the downstairs doorbell and dad said he'd go get the food. I offered to pay but he brushed passed me and left the room. Mom went to get plates and silverware to set the table with and I went to gram Caroline.

Her grandparents would make her feel better.

I knocked softly on her door. "Care, the food is here and so are your grandparents."

No answer.

"Caroline," I knocked and spoke louder. "Dinner."

No answer.

"Honey, I know you're upset but you need to eat."

No answer.

"Caroline, come on," I sighed as I opened her door. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things because Caroline was not in her room. I looked around a few times to make sure I wasn't overreacting and she wasn't on her bed or at her desk or sitting on the ledge on her window.

"Mom!" I called when I noticed the open window and the curtains blowing. It was November so I was pretty sure she wasn't trying to let some fresh air in.

"What?" Mom rushed into the room.

"Caroline is gone."

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" She sounded as scared as I felt.

"I mean she isn't in this room or anywhere in this apartment," I cried as I double-checked the bathroom and my bedroom. The apartment was pretty small and there weren't many places to hide.

"Doesn't she hide in her closet sometimes when she's upset?" Mom asked as she rushed back to her room to check. "Not there either."

"What's going on?" Dad asked when he finally came back upstairs with the food.

"Caroline is gone," Mom whispered and dad dropped the food where he was standing and reached in his pocket for his phone.

"She was upset about Bella and me," I explained. "I thought she fell asleep which is why I stopped hearing her."

"How'd she get out of here?" Dad asked.

"I think she climbed down the fire escape," I sighed. "I'm going to call Felix."

"Why?"

"His brother is a police officer and he's met Caroline a few times," I said as I got my phone off the counter and made the call.

While we waited for Marcus to get there, I went and sat on Caroline's bed. I grabbed her favorite stuffed animal and held it close to me. I had no idea where she would go or if she was safe. It was getting harder to breathe and I knew I was about to have a panic attack.

I hadn't had a panic attack since Caroline was eighteen months and stopped having nightmares about Rosalie dying.

Marcus was at my place within ten minutes.