"Did you know that every full moon, a first-year student is sacrificed to the Giant Squid?"
"I want to go home," the first-year sobbed, traumatized.
"Professor Trelawney?"
"Yes, dear boy?"
"I had a dream last night."
"Oh?"
"I dreamed about you⎯er, no, not like that! You see, in the dream, you were, uh, being chased by a marshmallow. It was terrifying. However, the marshmallow said the only way to keep it from eating you was if you gave everyone free chocolate in class."
Professor Trelawney froze, terror in her eyes. "I must prepare at once! Thank you, thank you for telling me! I will make sure everyone gets free chocolate as soon as possible! You truly possess the Sight!"
A package lay, untouched, at the door to Professor Snape's classroom. Stopping right before the brightly wrapped object, Severus Snape frowned. No one had sent him anything in what seemed like years. Unless he counted the dungbomb he had received for Valentine's Day the month before. Or the various complaints from concerned parents. Picking it up and carrying it to his desk as gently as if holding a freshly brewed potion, Severus checked for curses and began unwrapping the mysterious package.
It was a single can of chicken noodle soup, spelled with a warming charm. A note lay beside it. "To warm your cold heart," Snape read. He didn't think he had a heart left. It was, though, a nice gesture, but he would never admit it.
The next day, a similarly-wrapped package lay at the foot of the door to the Potion's classroom. Snape opened it somewhat enthusiastically, and was surprised to discover another can of soup. This time, it was mushroom soup, spelled to be warm. A note lay beside it. "This is a warning," Snape read. He pushed aside the warning, checked the soup for curses, and began eating.
"Welcome to the third Soups for Snape meeting. Today, we will be deciding which soup to give to Snape next. Any suggestions?"
"Vegetable soup!"
"That's boring!"
"Chowder!"
"Gross!"
"Tomato soup!"
"Yes! Perfect! Tomato soup it is!"
Members of the Soups for Snape Movement stood in front of their desks, stirring nearly ready-made tomato soup in their cauldrons. Potions class was set to begin in less than five minutes, and several students were hurriedly adding the last of their ingredients to each of their cauldrons. Finally, it was time, and every student chef poured all the heavenly-smelling tomato soup into a ginormous can. The can took up nearly a quarter of the classroom's space, and members of the Soups for Snape Movement had required the use of a ladder to pour in the soup. Their task complete, the group members rushed out of the classroom.
"What the devil is going on here?!" Professor Snape stood, gobsmacked, before the massive can of tomato soup. His face was rapidly turning pale. He began to shake. "AAAAHHHHH!" he screamed, and a moment later, fainted.
Harry Potter entered the Great Hall, a giraffe trailing behind him. It had to lower its neck quite a bit to fit through the entrance, but once it entered the Hall, it could stand without banging its head on the ceiling. At his grand entrance, students stopped in their tracks to stare at the ridiculous sight before them. "I figured that since I'm, you know, Harry Potter, then I could bring my tiny friend here to join us for pudding," he explained.
"Tiny?! He's barking mad!"
"I love giraffes!"
"Just because he defeated You-Know-Who as a baby does not give him permission to do whatever he wants!"
"Don't be such a party-pooper!"
"OH MY GOSH IT'S SOOO CUTEEE!"
"I think it's about to poop!"
"I've just lost my appetite."
"Did you know, first-years have to step on Lego two-hundred times in order to pass their exams?"
"I hate this school," the first-year cried.
A/N: Thank you to Ravenpuff4DaWin for the recommendation to read Dear Students by The Bickering Kingdom, there really are some great ideas that have inspired me to write this chapter! You are literally a life-saver!