Journey To The Centre Of Candace

Mavis and Apollo were relaxing together in their lair chairs, waiting for their mission to start.

"Do you ever think we're moving too fast?" Mavis asked out of the blue.

Apollo glanced sideways at her. "Why do you ask?"

"I dunno, I just... We've only known each other for just over two weeks. And we started dating properly... Wait... When did we start dating?"

"Um..." Apollo thought for a moment. "I don't remember specifically making it official. We haven't even had a proper kiss yet. We've only been kissing on the cheek and forehead and stuff like that. Is that... weird?"

Mavis shook her head. "Not to me. We're moving at our own pace, I think. Huh. I guess I answered my own question, then."

"I think the first time I remember actually referring to us having a relationship is the day when Doof made all those clones of himself."

"Oh yeah, when we were being awkward and we had to tell Perry that Dad wouldn't approve of our relationship. What counts as our first date, then? Meeting up after that mission for hot dogs?"

At that moment, Perry's voice sounded from behind them: "Actually, I think your first date was at Mount Rushmore. You told me you were on a date when we met up for our mission."

Mavis frowned thoughtfully. "Hm. I vaguely remember telling you that. Don't remember if I was being serious, though."

Apollo laughed quietly. "I wouldn't mind our first date being the one at Mount Rushmore."

"Haha. Okay, then." Mavis took her boyfriend's hand, but quickly let go again as the screen crackled to life.

"Ah, agents," said Major Monogram. "Thanks for coming. It's Dr. Doofenshmirtz."

"When is it not?" sighed Mavis quietly.

Her father appeared not to hear her. "He's been hiding out in the old abandoned vacuum cleaner factory. You know, that building across town with the giant vacuum cleaner on top? Man, I can't believe that place closed. I blame the internet." He let out a short huff. "Your mission, Agent P, is to find out what Doofenshmirtz is up to and then stop him."

As the screen shut off, Mavis gave Perry a hopeful look. "Jetpacks?"

Perry gave her an amused look. "Not today."

"Aw... But we ALWAYS take the hovercar."

"Uh huh, and there's a reason for it. Now come on."

When they got to the abandoned vacuum cleaner factory with the giant vacuum cleaner on top, they burst through the window like normal and discovered Doofenshmirtz standing in the middle of the room. He turned as they entered. "Oh, the Monoteam."

Mavis blinked. "You seem disappointed to see us. Is there… something wrong?"

"Well, I… you know…" Doofenshmirtz sighed. "You know, we always do the exact same thing. I have a scheme, you try to stop me, I trap you, I tell you my scheme, you escape, then we fight, and I'm defeated. Let's mix it up a little."

"Um… what do you have in mind?" asked Apollo, a little scared.

"Let me tell you what. I will tell you my scheme first and then I will trap you! What do you say, huh?"

Mavis exchanged a look with Perry. "Uh, do we even have a choi-."

"No, this'll be much better!" Doofenshmirtz beamed. "Okay, so check this out!" He dramatically unveiled his latest creation. "The Make-Up-Your-Mind-inator! You know, when you're waiting to order a pizza and the person in front of you can't decide on a topping. Ohh, I hate that! I HATE IT!"

"Wait, so what does-," began Apollo.

Doofenshmirtz spread his arms wide. "I will destroy anyone who can't make up their mind!"

"Oh geez, that's really extreme," muttered Mavis worriedly. "Even for Doofenshmirtz..."

"Hm, should I go with Make-Up-Your-Mind-inator? Or is that too on-the-nose?" Doofenshmirtz laughed. "It's funny. Now I can't make up MY mi- oof!"

Before anyone could move, Perry tackled Doofenshmirtz to the ground and fastened a handcuff around the evil scientist's wrist.

"P-Perry the Platypus?!" yelped Doofenshmirtz. "Well, I-I did not see that coming..."

The platypus dragged Doofenshmirtz to a pipe and handcuffed him to it.

"Perry, hey, be careful!" Mavis said worriedly. "What's gotten into you?"

Perry got out his communicator.

"Calling headquarters, huh?" The evil scientist sighed. "You- You didn't even give me a chance to trap you." He gestured to a giant snow globe sitting nearby. "See? I was going to put you guys in that giant snow globe over there. Now I have to return it..."

"Agent P!" came Major Monogram's voice through the communicator. "What's wrong?"

Perry showed him Doofenshmirtz.

"Oh! You caught Doofenshmirtz, huh? That's weird. Usually he traps you, then you escape, then-."

"We mixed it up a little!" Doofenshmirtz said defensively.

"Huh. Alright then. Hang tight, Agent P. Backup is on the way." The major paused. "I mean, it would be, if we had some. Uh, I'm gonna make some calls."

The call cut off.

"Perry, seriously, what's wrong?" Mavis asked, very concerned. "Please, talk to me."

Perry glanced suspiciously at Doofenshmirtz, before apparently remembering that the evil scientist couldn't understand him. "Phineas and Ferb couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to do today," he said coldly. "I can't let them be put in danger."

"Oh...!" Mavis's shoulders drooped. "I see. Then I guess we should just... sit and wait for the backup?"

Doofenshmirtz gave a heavy sigh. "How long is that gonna take, exactly?"

Perry shrugged.

After a moment, Doofenshmirtz appeared to perk up. "Hey, wanna talk about my date last night?"

"Uh..." Mavis hesitated. "Um, okay. You had a date?"

"Yeah!" Doofenshmirtz's face lit up in a smile. "Her name is Wrenley Spellmeyer. She's an evil scientist like me. And she's from Germany, which is near Drusselstein! We went out to dinner and talked about our evil inventions."

"Wrenley Spellmeyer?" repeated Apollo. "That's a name out of a fairytale."

"I know, right! And at the end of the night, she told me she'd love to go out again "als Freunde"! That's good, right?"

Mavis blinked. "Um... I'm afraid that's German for "as friends"."

"Oh." Doofenshmirtz's smile fell. "I guess that explains why she shook my hand after I walked her home."

"Oof." Mavis winced sympathetically. "Sorry, bud."

After a pause, Doofenshmirtz frowned at her. "Wait, you speak German?"

"Yup."

When no further explanation came, Doofenshmirtz sighed and looked at his watch. "This backup of yours is taking forever. Hey, anyone wanna play Kleptocracy? It's an old Drusselsteinian board game; i-it can be quite fun. I have a set over there in that bag."

He pointed over to a small black bag on the right. However, there was an identical-looking bag on their left, so Perry, clearly sensing a trap, walked over to it and opened it, but a small metal band flew out of the bag, clasped Perry around his waist, and stuck him to the wall.

"Perry!" gasped Mavis. "What the hell is that?"

Doofenshmirtz giggled maniacally as he took out a hairpin and picked the lock on his handcuffs. "That's my Any-Flat-Surface-Magnet-Belt! You like it? It sticks to any flat surface!"

Mavis started towards the platypus, but as she and Apollo got near the snow globe, it opened up and swallowed them into it. Despite the name, it wasn't cold in there, though fake snow did start falling down on them.

"Hey!" Mavis glared at the evil scientist. "C'mon!"

Doofenshmirtz just laughed at her. "Well, guess what? There's no board game in this bag, either."

He opened the second bag, releasing another magnet belt, which immediately clamped him to the ceiling. "There was one of these in both bags!" he said triumphantly to the platypus. "So whichever one you chose, you would be stuck! Just like I'm... stuck... right now."

Mavis and Apollo stared at the evil scientist in disbelief.

Doofenshmirtz gave an embarrassed grin. "What, uh... What time is that backup getting here, again?"

"I have a genuine question," said Mavis, raising her hand. "Why did you open the bag when you knew full well there was another belt trap in there?"

Doofenshmirtz thought about this for a moment. "I-I think I was just caught up in the excitement of tricking Perry the Platypus."

There was silence for a solid minute or so.

"Why didn't you create a device to make indecisive people less indecisive?" Apollo asked. "Instead of destroying them violently?"

The evil scientist shrugged. "It seems like my childhood trauma likes manifesting itself in unchecked hatred and rage, so I end up trying to destroy other people instead of fixing myself."

"That... is a very mature and self-reflective thing to say," Mavis said, frowning at her nemesis. "Have you been to therapy since our conversation about it?"

"No!" Doofenshmirtz defended himself. "I-I may have bought a self-help book and read it in bed last night. But so what?"

"Aww, it's really nice that you're trying to be less evil," said Mavis teasingly. "Are you considering turning to the good side?"

"NO!" Doofenshmirtz cleared his throat and started struggling in his restraint. He was able to push himself from the ceiling to the wall, whereupon he launched himself out the boarded up window. "Bye bye, agents!"

Perry immediately followed out the other window, leaving Mavis and Apollo alone in the snow globe.

"Welp," said Apollo. "Whatcha wanna do now?"

Mavis responded by pulling out a hammer from her fedora and swinging it at the glass dome. Apollo shielded his face as the glass smashed, sending shards flying outwards.

"Done," she said, with the slightest hint of a laugh. "Now let's go make sure Perry's got Doof and then we can go get some ice cream."

As the two teens left the building, Mavis removed her fedora, spotting Perry's owners down the street.

"Hey, Phineas," she said warmly, approaching the kids. "How's it going?"

"Great!" Phineas beamed. "We made a shrinking submarine today."

"Ah, I wish I could have seen it." Mavis smiled back. "You heading in here?"

"Yeah, it's owned by the uncle of Candace's friend Jeremy. Wanna join us?"

"Absolutely!"

That was how, five minutes later, Mavis and Apollo found themselves in the lovely restaurant with the Flynn-Fletcher family, Isabella, and Jeremy, eating grilled-cheese sandwiches.

Mavis grinned to herself as she tossed a piece to Perry, who was sitting on the floor in pet mode. Unseen by his owners, Perry shot her a grin back. He'd been a bit unsure at first about Mavis and Apollo interacting with the Flynn-Fletchers, but now he was able to relax with the certainty that nothing would go wrong.

How could it?