Chapter 22

The next two days sped by. Thursday evening as Oliver and Shane entered the church to meet with the pastor, they both were a little uneasy.

Pastor Jeff walked with them into the office. "I hope this last week was a little more peaceful than the previous," Jeff said gesturing to the seating area.

"I apologize for you getting caught in the middle of what was obviously a challenging time for us," Oliver said.

"That's what I'm here for Oliver. Not just to rejoice with you when times are good but to walk with you when times are challenging. It's a natural part of life to have both. I thought given the events last week we may want to talk about how the two of you handle conflict. Let's start with how your families you grew up in handled conflict."

Oliver looked at Shane, "I think we both watched our parents handle conflict by leaving. We're both determined not to handle it in the same manner."

"As things escalate how do you decide when to take a break to cool things down," Jeff asked?

Shane answered, "The work environment we're in has provided a natural cooling off period. Because we work in an office that there's always other people around, I think we've always had to force ourselves to wait until we had time alone to talk things through. Last week was the first time we've ever had a major disagreement in front of someone else."

Jeff interjected, "When a disagreement starts, you want to be able to ask the other person for a time out if things start escalating to the point of being unproductive. Working and living together can present some unique challenges. You may want to discuss building in some alone time in your schedule. Even if it's going for a run or making time for a hobby. After past conflict, how do you go about reconciling what the conflict was about and moving on?"

Oliver answered, "Usually we do talk through what prompted the argument or misunderstanding. We're both good about apologizing if we stepped over a line. When we were friends and initially dating, I think it was easier to let things build or have misunderstandings when we didn't know where we stood with one another. Once we were committed and started spending more time alone together it was easier to talk things through."

Shane added, "The fact that we were friends before we started dating has made it easier to understand where the other person was coming from with disagreements. We usually already have an idea of what might start a disagreement with the other person."

Jeff asked, "Last week money came up during the conversation several times. While it was clear by the end of the conversation that wasn't really the underlying issue. I wasn't sure if you have had many conversations about finances and how you're going to handle them moving forward?"

"We've never sat down and talked about our personal finances," Oliver answered. "Shane is on the board of the O'Toole Foundation, so she's been involved in the Foundations finances from time to time."

Jeff handed them a piece of paper. "Here's the homework for this week. It's a list of questions and topics you probably want to go through together. The most common things people disagree about in a marriage are money, intimacy and family issues. As we talk about finances next week, it would help if you guys have started some of these conversations. Considering the breadth of your financial responsibilities between work, home and the Foundation this may take longer than with other couples."

Jeff stood up to walk out with them. He asked Shane how the new member class was going. She asked him a couple questions about the church as Oliver joined the choir. Jeff sat down in the pew in front of Shane. "Do you mind if I ask a few questions?"

"I thought you might have some questions after some of the things that were said last week," Shane commented. "Some of my previous contract work is classified. I'll answer what I can."

"Oliver was extremely concerned about your safety. Did he have reason to be?"

"I left to go overseas on what was supposed to be a 2-3 week job. It turned into 3 months in an area that wasn't the safest part of the world. He didn't know how unsafe it was until I got back. Since then he's been overprotective. Between an incident at work and the situation with Dale turning more complicated than expected, recent events just reinforced his fears."

"How have you handled things since coming back from overseas? I've met with other church members that have had a difficult time after they got back."

"I was fortunate I didn't see any action. There was a time period the bombings got close to our operations center. I struggle with storms a bit still, but otherwise I've been fine."

They talked until Oliver finished with the choir. Dale walked over with him. "How are Mara and her husband doing," Shane asked?

"He's recovering at home now. It will be awhile before he's back in the office but he's on the mend."

They talked for a bit before leaving.

On the way home, Oliver brought up the CBI. "We haven't discussed you continuing with the CBI."

"How do you feel about it?"

"I'd be concerned about you working too much and your safety."

"Most of the time it really would just be computer work Oliver. The situation with Dale was outside the norm."

"Would it usually be working with Dale's department or would it be other departments?"

"I don't know. You've spoken to her more about it than I have. Why don't I talk to her and get more information before we make any decisions?" Shane tried to change the subject. "If you're ok with the wedding website can I put the information on the invitations once I finish the registry page and get the invitations ordered?"

"That would be good we need to get them mailed out. Did you look at the list Jeff gave us?"

"It's a pretty long list. We're going to need a lot of fireside chats this week to get through it."

Oliver smiled. "That won't be a hardship."