A/N—Getting this chapter up now because I don't know when I'll have a chance to next. It hasn't been reviewed by my editing friend, so hopefully there aren't any mistakes in it. Thanks for reading! I hope you're all safe and healthy.

"Oh my god, that smells so good."

James had flipped on the television and started searching for something to keep them entertained. After passing over the plate and glass, Logan grabbed the remote and powered it down.

"Hey, I was looking for something to watch!"

"You're not here to amuse yourself. We're going to talk."

James groaned but complained no further. He settled the plate over his lap and dug in, and Logan almost felt bad that he would be slowing down the process of eating because it was clear that James probably hadn't eaten since the banquet. He was practically inhaling the food. "Let's get this over with," he managed between bites. "Just say your piece so I can go. And don't get mad when I still take off once this is over. I told you, nothing you say will change my mind."

"I know," Logan replied, not daunted in the slightest. This was the crucial moment, the task he'd been entrusted with. He knew now that James did take his opinion deeply to heart; that knowledge bolstered his confidence. "I guess...let's start with the easy stuff. Mandy."

"I told you already," James answered through a large bite. "She's gone."

"Because you're leaving?"

"Mostly. She got on my nerves anyway. She kept trying to get me to stop hanging out with Kendall and Carlos. Like that was ever gonna happen."

"It will if you leave," Logan pointed out. "No more hanging out with them. No friends out in...where were you going? Hollywood?"

"I won't need friends there. It's all about finding work."

"And what about this school you were so determined to get into? Don't you need to graduate for that?"

James shrugged, scooping more food onto a fork. "I don't have to go there. It was just an option."

"No, James. It was your dream."

"Dreams change."

He said it like he was discussing the weather. Logan sighed; they'd go back to that later. "So I understand why you broke up with Mandy, but I still can't figure out Denise. Since when are you into her? And how could you hurt Carlos like that?"

The fork's motion stopped. James let go of it to reach for lemonade and drink down half the glass. "I didn't plan that," was what he finally said. "She started it."

"I thought she liked Carlos."

"So did I."

Logan waited.

"She came over to me and told me she heard about Mandy. Asked if I needed to talk."

"And you said yes? To her?"

"No. I mean...it's...kind of a blur."

"Because you were drinking?"

"No!"

"Were you?"

"Earlier. A little bit."

"How much is a little bit?"

James' voice hardened. "Not that much, Logan, get off my back."

"Kendall said you were hiding in your room drinking."

James rolled his eyes before picking up the fork again. "It wasn't like that. You want the truth? I had half a beer. That's it."

"Really? That's all?"

"Yeah. I started drinking because I wanted to stop thinking. Seeing everyone there...knowing it was goodbye...I couldn't stand it. So I wanted to get wasted. But then I realized they might not let me on the bus if I'm wasted, or I might pass out and miss the bus. So I stopped. I just sat in my room thinking about everything, about how it would go down once I left."

"About how it would kill your mom."

"Stop saying that!" James yelled.

"No. It's the truth."

"God, I hate you sometimes."

Logan nodded, eyes downcast. "So you've said."

Now James set aside the plate, which was mostly empty, with another groan of frustration. He rearranged the blanket to cover himself fully after turning to face the chair. "Look. There are times when I really just want to...deck you. Really fucking hard. Mostly when you won't shut up."

"I know."

"I wanted to tonight. At the party."

"I know that, too. I saw it in your eyes."

"Yeah, I wasn't hiding it. But...Logan, the thing with you is...even when I get so mad that I want to make you stop talking...I never want you to leave."

Logan smirked. "Yet you scream at me to leave you alone, that you never want to see me again."

"Yeah well..." James rubbed the blanket over his face, probably to center himself. "That's because I hate the feeling. I hate wanting you. I hate needing you."

"And you think leaving you alone is something I'm capable of?"

"Why haven't you? I mean, Jesus, Logan, I've treated you like...I'm actually ashamed of the things I've said to you. Why the hell would you keep coming back?"

"Because I love you." It seemed so simple to Logan. "And if I thought you really didn't need me or would be happier without me, I would've stepped away. I would've done what you asked. I can't, though. We have a place in each others' lives." At least temporarily. "We need each other, and I'm not going to abandon you."

"What could you possibly need from me? You're smarter than me, you're a good kid who has a bright future, you're...what do you want to do with your life, anyway? I never asked."

I'm doing it right now. "Um...I'm hoping I can get a medical degree and use it to teach. That's what I enjoy doing. Teaching."

"Ha. Well, you picked the right group of friends to hang around. We all need that."

Logan smiled.

"But with all that ahead of you, what is there that I could give you that you can't find anywhere else? I'll leave, you'll find some better guy to hook up with, one who won't scream at you and threaten to hit you, and you'll be happier. You know that, right?"

Logan shook his head.

"Logan, come on. I'm a piece of shit compared to what you could have."

"That's not true. You're so much smarter than you think."

"Stop saying that."

"No, because it's true. You just haven't tried. And do you know why you're the best person for me to be around?"

James didn't offer a guess.

"Because instead of hitting me, you kissed me. You wanted to deck me, but...you kissed me."

James shrugged, face hot. "I couldn't hurt you. Not like that. And...I've been dying to do that since you made me your fucking soup. That day we sat in the dining room and talked, and you made me soup like you actually cared..."

"I do!"

After letting that comment sink in, he replied, "I don't know. It just made me see you differently. And I wanted to kiss you. Tonight there was part of me that knew it would be my last chance, so...what could it hurt? I'm leaving. This won't go anywhere."

Logan swallowed hard; that was a truth he hated to live with. "You're right, it won't. But you need to understand that even if you stay, that will be the case. We can't be more than friends."

"And you think I can spend time with you and not kiss you again? That I could be satisfied with that? Knowing how incredible it is, feeling like I do right now, where I'm going crazy not touching you...you think I could live like that?"

"Yes." I've been doing it since day one with you. "It won't be easy, but you can. We can. Remember what you said earlier? That you could care more about me than your own future? We can't allow that to happen. Your future is the most important thing here."

"What about yours? I stay and you go off to some fancy university and I'm just stuck here without you? My mom passes and Kendall's gone to college and Carlos is too busy making new friends at a job or community college and what's left for me?"

"That's not how it's going to be, James."

"Yes, it is! My future isn't here. You agreed with me on that."

"I did. Your future is elsewhere. Your present is right here. Graduating from Denfield, helping your mom through this...that's what you have to focus on right now. Your future will come later. I promise."

James shook his head, not wanting to think about his mom. It was time to go back to lighter subjects, at least for the moment. "We were talking about Denise. She wanted to talk to you."

"Oh. Right. She uh...she took me aside and seemed so worried about me, asked if I wanted to talk. I said no but she was kinda...pushy about it. Told me she would sneak a bottle of something hard and meet me behind the shed. At that point I really did just want to forget, even for an hour, because saying goodbye to Kendall and Carlos was harder than I thought it would be. They hate me now."

"They don't hate you."

"Whatever. So I said okay. When I got back there she didn't have anything. Said she'd tried but the bartender was watching so she couldn't. Then she said a bunch of shit I barely remember and kissed me. I thought..."

James couldn't meet Logan's gaze. This was going to hurt. "Go on," Logan prompted gently.

"I thought if tequila couldn't do the job, maybe sex would. She was definitely willing, promised not to tell anyone. There was a voice in my head telling me it would hurt Carlos, but she promised to keep it a secret and I was leaving anyway, so...I went with it. I let her kiss me again."

"Yeah. That much I saw."

Hazel eyes slid up to meet Logan's, then dropped again. "You know what the worst part is? I was thinking about you. Kind of...wishing. The truth is that since we stopped talking, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. It's driving me crazy. Every time I kissed Mandy, I felt like..."

This was wrong. This wasn't how the mission was supposed to go, James wasn't supposed to fall in love with him. At the moment, Logan didn't care. "Like what?"

"It's dumb."

Logan was practically breathless waiting for the rest. "Tell me. I need to hear it."

James closed his eyes and let out a breath. The words came easier when he didn't have to look at Logan. "Like I was cheating on you. We weren't even a thing, we were never a thing, but I felt like...we belonged to each other. That's stupid, right? We'd only known each other for two days but I felt like..."

"It's not stupid," Logan whispered. "I felt the same way. You wanted to kiss me Saturday, didn't you? Before the game."

"I came way too close that day. Mom was fucking right there, anyone could've seen, Carlos almost caught us...but I couldn't fight it. I wanted it. I wasn't thinking. If I had been, I would've realized it was a mistake. Thank God Carlos came out when he did."

Logan remembered silently berating Carlos for the interruption. Maybe it had been for the best, as the knowledge that Logan felt the same way would've had the same consequence Mandy's admission did—James would've run from his feelings. "Thank you for telling me this. I needed to know."

"What good does it do us? You said you wouldn't date me anyway."

"Would you date me?"

It was a long time before James answered. He looked away and said, "No. I'd want to, and I'd hate not being able to, but...no. I can't risk anyone finding out that I'm..."

"Gay?"

"I'm not gay."

"James—"

"Dude, seriously. I do like girls. If we have to label it, let's call it bi. That's more accurate."

Logan nodded. "Okay. I'm proud of you for saying it out loud."

James didn't seem to find anything in that to be proud of. "So what about you? You said there was a girl back home? That you were with?"

"Um..." What exactly had he said? Sometimes lying was tricky. "There's never been a girl. I just let you think it was a girl. It was a guy."

"Oh my god. So you've...been with a guy? Like...all the way?"

"All the way," Logan admitted.

"Holy shit. How was it?"

"It was...good. I'm not gonna lie about it, I enjoyed sex. I just...it wasn't my focus. I did it to know what it was like and because my body needed it, but it wasn't what I really wanted. Like you said, it satisfied me for awhile. And then I got to a point where I didn't have to have it, so I...haven't."

"How long has it been?"

Again, tricky ground. James couldn't know his true age. "A long time," was all Logan said.

"I'm jealous. I'm dying to know what it's like with a guy."

"Maybe one day you will."

"I could, you know." James' eyes were smoldering, as if a fire was burning just below the surface. "Right now. I'm leaving in the morning, Logan. We could do this and then just...move on."

Logan licked his lips. The offer was tempting enough to have him considering consequences before common sense kicked in. James wasn't leaving, and that would alter the future because Logan had a feeling once they had sex together, they wouldn't be able to just... "move on." He shook his head. "We can't."

"I have condoms, dude. We have privacy. What else do we need?"

"A little more than that for the kind of sex we'd have. But it doesn't matter, it's not going to happen. I'm not the guy for you to experience that with."

"Logan, come on. Who better to do it with? We care about each other, we want to be together, and you already know what you're doing. Just once, I'm begging you. I need you."

Logan closed his eyes against the pleading gaze, but that didn't block out the sound of James saying it again (I need you). Or the feel of James' hands sliding up his thighs after James had slid across the carpet to kneel between Logan's legs. Logan's breath stopped.

"Show me," James whispered before his lips were on Logan's, hesitant and demanding all at the same time. It would be so easy, they'd make do and find a way, and there was nothing Logan wanted more than to feel James inside him. He'd dreamed of it for years.

There is one thing you want more. And was Roger really talking in his head now? You want to live. You want James to live, and if he gets distracted from his destiny, he'll die. We all will.

"Fuck," Logan muttered, pushing James away with great effort. "I'm sorry. I can't."

"I don't get it." The hurt in that tone was nearly impossible to stand. "I know you want me."

"I do. God, I've never wanted anything more than this." Except for you to live. "But..." How to explain it without hurting James further or giving away the truth? "You're a minor!"

"What?" James sat back on his heels, brows furrowed.

"You're a minor! It's against the law!"

"So are you! That makes it legal."

Shit. He'd forgotten that James believed him to be seventeen. "But I'll still be one! You're almost eighteen! You will be in..." Logan glanced up at a round clock hanging on the wall. "An hour."

"Then we'd better not waste any time." James started to peel the t-shirt up toward his head, revealing a muscled chest and a smattering of hair that Logan inexplicably wanted to lick.

Don't look. Don't look at him, look away! Logan closed his eyes and reached out to halt the movements. "No. I'm saying no, and that should be good enough."

James' arms dropped, shoulders sagging. "Can you at least tell me why?" He was on the verge of tears, probably not because he was being denied sex but because Logan's rejection cut him deep.

"It's just...not right. It doesn't feel right."

James stood slowly before nodding. "Okay. I'll be back."

When he headed for the staircase, Logan panicked. "No! Don't leave, please don't leave, you promised me tonight to talk!"

"Dude, relax. I'm just going to the bathroom." He halted three steps up and looked back. "Swear."

Logan studied him, searching for the lie. "I'll stand guard at the door if I have to."

James rolled his eyes. "I swear, I'll be right back. I just need a minute. That um...it hurt."

"I know. I'm sorry, James."

"Give me a second to get past it, okay?"

Logan nodded. He let James go this time, head filled with a thousand visions of what might have been and whether or not he'd just ruined the chance to keep James in Duluth.

James took long enough in the bathroom that Logan went to knock on the door, glad nobody else was home. "You okay?"

"Fine. Why is it I can't use the bathroom in this place without you trying to break down the door?"

Logan grinned. "Because I care."

"Lucky me."

"I'll be downstairs. Want anything else from the kitchen?"

"Got any ice cream?"

"Not right now. I already checked."

"Ugh. Just get me more lemonade. That shit's amazing."

It was pretty good, and Logan wished he could take credit for it. He left James to himself and got rid of the plate that James was finished with, then poured lemonade for both of them and returned to wait in the basement chair. His ears strained to hear any sign of James attempting to sneak out, but eventually heavy footfalls sounded on the stairs and Logan relaxed.

James had been crying. It killed Logan to know he'd caused it. "You okay?"

"You already asked me that. I'm fine."

He wasn't, but Logan let it go. He waited for James to get comfortable under the blanket again. "Ready to talk?"

"Go for it, but I have to say that if I hadn't already made up my mind to leave, that would've done it for me. There's no way in hell I'm staying now."

"That's not fair."

"What, I'm supposed to face you every day knowing you don't want me?"

"James, I do want you! It's just not right!"

"So you said. Let's move on. What the hell else do you want to bore me with?" James sipped at his lemonade as if he really didn't care.

Patience, Logan. This isn't over. "Well, I was actually just sitting here thinking about that. You leaving."

"What about it? You gonna tell me it's a bad idea and I'm ruining my life? Because that's what Mom would say."

"Well, your mother would be right. But no, I was thinking about the fact that you were going to take off without saying anything to me. Were you really going to leave and let me think you hated me for the rest of my life?"

James looked away. His hand lowered the glass to his lap, fingers strained. "No."

"No?"

"No. I was gonna text you once I got settled out there. Tell you I was sorry and that it was for the best."

"I see. So you were going to apologize, but not until you were a safe distance away and I couldn't change your mind."

James bit his lip, still not meeting Logan's gaze. "Something like that."

Logan let out a breath. What a disaster that would've been. "You need to understand that I would've gone after you. That I will, if it comes to that."

James scoffed. "Yeah, right. You're a minor, you can't just take off."

"Watch me."

James' eyes flashed at the intense tone. He licked his lips. "You're serious."

"Completely."

After a moment, James set his glass on a side table and leaned forward. "You're telling me that you would leave this place, this family that has taken you in, just to...what? Hunt me down? Bring me back?"

"If I have to."

"No way. They'd never let you."

"I wouldn't tell them. I'm sure I wouldn't be the first foster kid to run away. But that's how it's gonna be, James. You go, I go with you."

"What the...you can't be serious!"

"I'm totally serious. I'll go upstairs and pack a bag right now. You're not doing this alone."

James stood up suddenly, the blanket falling at his feet. He ran a hand through his hair. "Why are you doing this?" he yelled. "You don't want me, but you refuse to let me move on from you. Why can't you just let me go?"

Logan kept his voice calm. "I've answered that question."

"Because you love me? Because you think I need you?"

"You already said you need me."

"Yeah, and never once did I hear you say it back. I don't need your pity, Logan. I don't need you to stop your life just to babysit me."

"It's not like that!" Logan was finally losing his composure. He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. "I love you! What more can I say?"

"You can show it! You can stop treating me like some charity case who can't function without you and show me you love me for me."

It was baffling to Logan, who had spent the majority of his life loving this man for who he was. How did James not see it? "This is about sex? Because I won't have sex with you?"

"No," James sighed, losing the anger that had been fueling him. What was left was despair.

"You said you don't want a boyfriend, either."

"I don't."

"Then what do you want from me, James? Tell me and it's yours."

"I just..." James blinked a few times, enough to tell Logan that he was fighting tears. "I need to know that I'm special to you. That you can't find this anywhere else."

Logan knew what James needed. He walked over to James and let his lips do the talking, this time in silence. James responded eagerly, soaking in the love and devotion he felt behind the kiss. Logan allowed him to deepen it, not doing anything to stop the progression until he felt James move against him. As much as he didn't want to change the direction they were heading in, it was time for talk. "If I could find this anywhere else," Logan whispered, "would I follow you across the country?"

James fused their lips together again with a desperate sound.

"If you weren't special, would I still be here after the way you treated me?"

A hot mouth worked down Logan's neck. This was unfair, how was he supposed to fight this? "James...please..."

"Yes."

"No. No, answer the question." Logan forcefully stepped back. His neck mourned the loss of contact. "Would I still be here?"

"No," James panted. "Anyone else would've told me to fuck off and die."

"Yep. And if anyone else treated me the way you have, I would've done exactly that. And happily walked away."

They were quiet as James let that sink in. Footsteps sounded overhead, distracting them both; they were no longer alone in the house.

"So..." James finally said. "What you're saying is...I'm stuck with you? That no matter what I say or do, you won't leave me?"

"Yes." After another long pause, Logan asked, "So, what's it gonna be? Are we staying here to take care of your mom or are we abandoning her?"

James didn't reply, but Logan thought he saw the answer hidden in the depths of clear hazel eyes.

For the first time since he'd been pushed out of James' life, he felt real hope.