Chapter 18

Francis hurried inside as he ran around to the other side of the bed so he could see her face. He gasped at her puffy and swollen face, she was shivering violently and her eyes were open in a death stare but she didn't comprehend what she was seeing.

"Marie!" he said loudly! He called her name several times with no response. He got scared, she wasn't responding. She was still shivering, he pulled the blanket back and slid in next to her pulling her hand to his cheek. "Marie, please come back!" She was still unresponsive.

"Marie" he whispered sadly, pulling her to him for a bear hug. "Come back to me, I need you," he said as he felt his heart breaking. This was his fault, she was so emotionally distressed that she didn't want to be here in this life anymore because it was too painful. He had seen this before, heard whispers of it in his father's court.

He kept her in his arms and he whispered to her all of the things he had never said to her. After a long time he realized she had quit shivering. He kept her there still talking to her. "Marie," please don't leave," he said in an agonized voice. "I love you and I don't know if I can survive if you leave me," he confided. "I need you more than even I knew," he kissed her cheek and then her hand.

"Oh Marie, I'm so sorry," he kept repeating. "I love you, come back to me! Fight Marie! Fight for us!"

He was starting to give up hope that she would wake up, he started letting the tears stream down his face.

"Francis, you're here," he heard her say and he turned to look into her eyes which were the Marie he knew again.

"Oh Marie! You came back!" he said as he hugged her.

"All I need is you," she told him sweetly. "When I couldn't feel your love anymore, it was too much," she told him. "Please don't bring me back just to leave again," she said worriedly.

"I'm not going anywhere," he promised.

"You said you couldn't forgive me," she said. "Why? I don't understand. I would forgive you for anything. I love you," she told him.

"I was angry and hurt, I lashed out and I should not have. It wasn't fair to you and I had no idea what this would do to you or I would have never done it," he tried to make her understand.

'Francis, I am truly sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it, not even in the moment."

"I know," he assured her, "its over."

"I'm still so cold," she said, hugging him. "I need you as much as you need me,' she promised.

He kept her in the hug as his hands ran up and down her arms trying to warm her up. "Marie why did you never tell me about your Mother?" he asked.

She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them to look into his. "Because before I knew what a family really was I thought there was something wrong with me. Something in me that was unlovable. If my own mother couldn't love me how could others?" she asked. "How…how could you? Mothers are supposed to love unconditionally and yet mine cared nothing for me," she said sadly.

"Marie!" he gasped. "How could we not love you? How could I not?" he asked. "You are beautiful and brave and intelligent and strong, you are so strong."

She shook her head, "I'm not strong. I thought I was but I'm not, today's events have proved that. If one of us dies before the other, what will we become? If I lose you, I now know there is no coming back from it," she said sadly.

"We can't worry about 'what if'" he told her, "we can only love all the parts of ourselves and each other."

"That," Marie said, "sounds easier said than done."

He smiled, "I agree, but what other alternative do we have? We've come this far."

"True," she said with a sigh.

"Marie, do you doubt that I love you?" he asked with a sinking feeling.

She looked at him with guilt in her eyes for a few minutes. She hid her face in his shoulder, "you didn't say it," she said as she felt the hot tears come, "but I could feel it."

He felt the sobs wrack her body and he closed his eyes in pain. "Sssshhh" he told her.

"I felt it just like when you were hurt," she continued to cry. "My heart turned cold, it went to ice. It's still cold because you are shielding yourself from me," she told him with wisdom beyond her years. "You always will until you trust me again."

"Marie I've always trusted you," he said confused.

She shook her head and then looked into his eyes, "you may trust me to protect you, to help you to play with you but you no longer trust me with your heart," she said sadly.

Marie felt warm enough now to get out of the bed. She walked over and grabbed a warm wrap that matched decently with her dress and she smoothed her hair.

He walked around to her and he stood staring for a moment, "How do we fix this?" he asked.

She shook her head, "we cannot, only time will, and perhaps your love for me will return one day, though I fear it will not."

She looked out the window and she could see everyone enjoying the festival that had been in full swing for a couple of hours now.

"Come, let us go and enjoy the day," she smiled.

He backed away and she frowned.

"How can you honestly believe I feel nothing for you," he asked. "Marie we've been best friends for a year. I've stood by you and you've stood by me through everything."

"I'm not blaming you Francis, if anything it's my fault. It was my words that hurt you; it's natural to create defense mechanisms to protect your heart when someone has hurt you. I know that better than anyone. "I came to apologize earlier so this would not happen but I failed. All hope is not lost though, as long as you are beside me we have hope, time will heal us."

"How can I stand beside you if you believe I no longer care?" he asked. "I will not be a liar," he told her. "I think it's best if we go to the festival separately," he told her.

Marie looked shocked and then she got angry, "I told you not to bring me back if you were going to leave me again. You promised!" her voice shook.

"You have no idea what you have done!" she said coldly. She turned to the window, "go she said, I won't stop you."

He took a few steps to the door and then paused, "you won't go anywhere alone?" he asked.

She turned back to look at him and all he could see was ice, there was no remnant of his best friend who was warm and beautiful. "I will do as I please," she said. "Don't worry about me, you've made it clear you don't give a damn about us."

"Marie, that's not…"

"Don't," she cut him off harshly. "I've said I'm sorry many times, it's all I can do. "If you really care about us as you said, then you have to fix this. I can't fix you Francis," she said coldly. And then her eyes warmed up for a moment, "I wouldn't even try because I would never want to change you," she said sadly.

She turned back to the window and she heard him leave. She finally allowed herself to breathe deeply and then felt herself sliding to the floor fighting the panic down. She refused to give in to it this time.

This room was squashing her with the memories of the last year. Francis escorting her to parties, him laughing with her, crying with her and most of all, loving her. She couldn't stay here, she needed to breathe again, she needed space. She grabbed a small bag and put some serviceable clothes into it. She attached her dagger holster under her skirt and added in a flint stone and a large hunting knife.

One last thing before she made her escape, she had to leave a note, she hated to worry Katherine but she had to do what was best for her.

My dearest Katherine,
I am sorry to do this but I need to, for me. The memories are squashing me and I cannot breathe for them. I need some time alone, away from the castle. Please do not search for me for you will not find me. I am safe and well. I will always love Francis, he is my heart but we both need some space from each other right now. It hurts unbearably that he is not willing to make the sacrifices for us that I have always been prepared to make. I pray to god that he finds his way and all will be well between us in the future but for now this is what I must do. I will return when I can and not before. All my love, Marie R.

Marie placed the letter in the middle of her desk with her seal on it addressed to Katherine. Her ladies would find it when they returned this evening.

She put on her two heaviest capes and fled through the passageways headed for the south keep far from the festival and wandering eyes. It was ironic really, she had organized the festival and the ball and she would be attending neither but she knew the Queen would see to it that the funds were put to the orphanage.

Later that evening, Francis has returned to his room, quietly as he didn't want Marie to know he was back. His mind was very confused and he didn't think he yet would comprehend what exactly she was talking about but he planned to go on a hunting trip with his father and Bash in the meantime. He began packing a bag, when his door slammed open and he saw his mother furiously advancing on him.

"F-R-A-N-C-I-S V-A-L-O-I-S what have you done? She yelled, furious.
Francis' eyes widened, his mother rarely yelled and never like this.

"Mother what's happened?" he asked, staying where he was thinking distance was a good thing right now.

"What's happened," she asked. "You tell me my son, I left you at Marie's room this morning to fix things which you obviously did not do!" she said sternly.

"It's not that simple," he told her.

"What exactly is not simple my son," she said advancing on him "She is a 7 year old girl, you are 9 and its all arranged, you will be wed when she is 14!"

"You know Marie is wise beyond her years," he argued.

"Now you listen here Francis," his mother said angry. "I told you to fix this and I thought that we had an understanding when I left. Instead, you've made a complete mess of everything!" she said starting to pace.

Francis frowned, his mother never got mad at him and he wasn't sure what to do.

She quit pacing and turned on him, "At least before Marie was safe even if she was heartbroken…and now…now I've got the Queen of Scotland who is supposed to be under my care…under YOUR care…a 7 year old Queen who has enemies in every country, who has left French Court and is god knows where!"

Francis gasped, "What?" he said going very pale.

"That's right! She left me a note but not until she's had at least a 6 hour head start!" she told him.

"Mother…I.."

"You are to stay in this room until I come to talk to you tomorrow, and Lord help you if I find you out of it! And you had better have an explanation for what happened when I left you earlier today."

His mother strode over to the door and before opening it she turned around, "Francis I love you more than you know but I am severely disappointed in you today," she said sadly as she walked out.

Francis fell on his bed, "why would she do something so stupid?" He knew she had been hurt, especially, when he separated from her for the day. Marie wasn't an ordinary girl, she was royalty, and a queen. She wasn't even safe at the castle in the last week and now nobody knew where she was. How would he find her?

He felt the tears roll down his face, not only had he lost his best friend but now his own Mother couldn't even look at him. He looked in the mirror as he laid on his bed, 'the easiest solution is usually the most obvious one,' he murmured remembering how his father had said this many times. "There's nothing wrong with Marie or Mother, there must be something wrong with me."

He sat up determined, 'Marie may not want to see him but he could at least find her and guard her without her knowledge.'

He finished packing the bag he had started for hunting, it now had a new purpose. He pulled on his warmest clothes and boots, grabbed his cape and started scaling down the wall.

He was startled to see a guard on the levels between his rooms and the grounds and he groaned as the guard took him in hand and delivered him back to his mother back in the castle.

The Queen smiled at the guard waving him off, "so it seems my son not only disobeys me but dishonors me as well," she said finishing rubbing in some lotion on her hands.

He looked at her angry, "you know as well as I do that someone has to go after her," he said.

"Why would I send you?" she laughed. "You are the reason Marie left. No your father and brother and soldiers are out scouring for her though I don't expect them to find her," she sighed as she sat at her dressing mirror.

"As you said, Marie is wise beyond her years and we've given her the very weapons to learn how to survive outside the castle. She knows how to hunt small game, how to evade tracks thanks to you and Bash and how to protect herself with small weapons.

"Yes well I know here better than anyone, I could check the places I know she would go," he argued.

"Which is exactly why she will go nowhere near them," the Queen argued back.

Francis looked down, "then what do we do?" he asked.

"WE don't do anything," she said. "In fact, for tonight at least you will be put into the tower."

He paled, "Mother why?"

"Because I have the Queen of Scotland lost in France somewhere, the last thing I need is the Heir to France in the same predicament! And I know you my son, you'll try to sneak out again later when you think everyone is asleep," she sighed.

"Its my fault," he said sadly, "I should be the one looking for her."

"That's true, but what would you do when you found her? Marie is headstrong and in who knows what state of mind and she left to get away from you."

"She said that?" he asked, his lower lip quivering.

His mother handed him the note Marie had left and his heart broke when he read the last half of it.

I will always love Francis, he is my heart but we both need some space from each other right now. It hurts unbearably that he is not willing to make the sacrifices for us that I have always been prepared to make. I pray to god that he finds his way and all will be well between us in the future but for now this is what I must do. I will return when I can and not before. All my love, Marie R.

Katherine called a guard in and ordered her son to be taken to the tower. "I will come for you in the morning," she comforted him with a hug allowing him to take the letter with him.

Francis did not sleep at all that night, he couldn't, instead he prayed, for Marie's safety, that she would come back quickly and most of all he prayed that God would help him to fix things between him and Marie.

He thought about all Marie had told him the last time he had seen her. She'd said his heart was not open, that he was shielding it, that he no longer trusted her, that he no longer loved her and if he did, he wasn't allowing her to feel that love anymore. Marie was an emotional creature, she made decisions and thrived on her intuition and what felt right. He couldn't imagine what she was going through right this minute…