Heyo! This was a day or two (or three) late I think, apologies So, this chapter is actually heavily influenced by my own experience, ish in a way, so I hope you enjoy that, lol. Honestly, I think it's somewhat something many people can relate to but maybe that's just me.
ImTheOnlyFanBoyInTheWorld - Yo, your name is so long to type haha (honestly I probably could've copy and pasted, but what's logic when it's 2 AM?), and also, I just wanted to say thank you!
flyingzuzu14 - Thanks! I always enjoy getting your reviews, and am happy to know that you're enjoying the story!
Guest - So, about the whole water powers thing: while I do love some waterbender Percy badassery, this is an AU where godly parents that give kids powers is not a thing, so it's not going to be very prevalent in the story, or even come out in the first place since it just doesn't match up with the world building. I do have some ideas on how to incorporate it, but it's still very unsure whether or not I will. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what my brain decides to do by then :)
Multi fandom geekerello - Bro, your comments are awesome. They're long, they're helpful, and they make me feel so encouraged! Thanks! And, yeah, the moon and the stars: there's just something so magical about them! And yeah, well, I'm glad to hear the dark Perce didn't seem randomly stuck in there, and that it actually made sense :) And while you say you don't deserve the compliments (which you TOTALLY do), you're complimenting me wayyy too much as well! AH your words blind me! But seriously, thank you :)
Anywho, Hope you enjoy :)
Disclaimer - I hate the Percy Jackson movies, but Rick Riordan seems to hate and utterly despise them more than I do, so, yeah, I'm not Riordan, and so his characters ain't mine either (though I definitely wished they were)
Chapter Eighteen - Keep Running Forward
Jason's eyes, he was sure, were as wide as two full moons, because that was not his own thoughts. I - hello? he tried, but was only met with silence. He shook his head, earning a concerned look from Annabeth and one of curiosity from Apollo. I am sure I just heard a voice...he thought. He was almost one hundred percent sure of the fact.
"Jason?" Annabeth asked. "You okay there?"
Jason just stared at Annabeth for a moment before replying, "I just heard my Intent, or, er, at least that's what I assumed." At that, Annabeth's eyes widened slightly while Apollo's mouth formed a large grin.
"Is that right?" Apollo said with a blinding smile. "Interesting. And what did your Intent say?"
"Er, well it said 'Is that right, Jason Grace.'"
"Right," Annabeth said, gears visibly turning behind her scrutinizing eyes. "Mind if you give us some context?" Jason shook himself out of his stupor that he apparently had still been in. He breathed in and out.
This was, for lack of a better word, insane. Jason Grace was hearing voices, and it was the voice of his Intent, no less, a being that human society sees as a hindrance, enemy, monster, annoyance, anything along those lines, and Jason just heard its voice. He knew Percy could communicate with his own Intent, and Apollo probably could too, but it felt absolutely fantastical when he himself heard that voice ringing in his head, loud and clear.
"I had thought to myself that I would get my Intent to forgive me," Jason clarified. "And that's when I heard that voice."
Apollo nodded as if it made total sense while Annabeth looked thoughtful in a 'What the h*ll does this even mean' kind of way.
"Well, like I said," Apollo started, "I don't quite know the process to the whole forgiving thing since I myself have been raised up as a Medium since before I could remember, but I would make an educated guess and say that you, brother dear, have just started the process of befriending your Intent! How exciting! I would recommend though, to ask Perce to make sure, since from what I know, he befriended his Intent when he was in, what was it, sixth grade?"
Jason breathed out loudly. "Gods, this is crazy," he said, putting a hand on his head. "Hearing that voice was...slightly unnerving."
"Is it not talking anymore?" Annabeth asked and Jason could tell that she was taking mental notes of everything going on and being said. Jason shook his head.
"No, that's the only thing it said," he said. He frowned before turning to Apollo. "I don't suppose you know how to keep up a conversation with my Intent?"
Apollo put a hand up. "Now, hold your horses, Jason," he said with a smile. "You're not quite there yet with the whole conversation thing, since, after all, your Intent hasn't exactly forgiven you quite yet-" Jason's heart sunk a bit at the reminder "-and again, ask Percy! He had to be forgiven at some point, so he would know."
"Well, I'm sorry that Percy's a bit dead at the moment," Jason grumbled in reply to that. "And aren't you supposed to know more about this whole thing in the first place?" He raised an eyebrow at his brother, as if in challenge.
Apollo replied with a slightly offended look on his face as he said, "I'll have you know that the only reason why I don't know about this particular topic is because I was so charming as a child that my Intent didn't even think twice about being my friend."
"Nature vs nurture," Annabeth pointed out, referencing something Jason remembered vaguely learning in his psychology class. "You were raised up to be a Medium, so it wasn't your charm, but the fact that you were taught right from childhood." She smirked a bit at Apollo's annoyed twitch in his lip.
"Ah, dear, dear, Annabeth Chase," the blonde man said, shaking his head dramatically. "I understand your jealousy, since I am the better golden haired." Annabeth responded by rolling her eyes, and Jason slightly had the urge to do the same at his brother's antics.
Hello? Intent? Jason tried again. He waited a bit, but no one answered, and suddenly, Jason wondered if he had imagined the voice despite its clarity. He sighed internally, sudden guilt creeping in at a quick pace again. For a moment...
For a moment, he thought that maybe he could be forgiven. But I guess not, he thought bitterly. The resentment in that thought alone shocked Jason, but he quickly accepted it for what it was. He was an emotional mess as of recent, and he knew that. A brother, a sister, a war, a friend he's been neglecting, abusing, for all his life.
Yeah, Jason thought. He was pretty sure he was entitled to the right to be an emotional mess at the moment.
Gods, I need Piper, he thought as he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Before he could get anymore depressed than he already was, he said, "Percy is going to be at school tomorrow?" Apollo looked at Jason and for a moment, seemed to have a strange look in his eyes, undecipherable, but strange nonetheless.
"Yes, he should be," Apollo nodded. "In fact," he said as he looked at the time on his phone. He grinned. "He should be here any moment now!"
"Wh-"
Jason would never admit it, but when Percy's body jerked, he nearly screamed. Jason whipped around to face Percy who bolted straight up, the color rapidly returning to his body as he took a deep breath in.
"Schist," Percy said as he winced, reaching up toward his neck. "Whiplash," he murmured. He looked up and waved at the three blondes as if this was a normal occurrence. "Yo," he greeted.
"Yo, Perce," Jason greeted back, mouth twitching into a grin. This guy...He internally shook his head. As crazy as the situation was for Jason, he couldn't help but feel like it was nothing to what Percy must have been going through. There was a twinge of jealousy if you dug deep enough into Jason's mind, but he squashed the thought down instantly as he took time to observe his friend, who only a few moments ago had looked quite dead. Jason now noticed, now that Percy looked very much alive, with a raised brow, the seemingly growth in muscle mass - though extremely slight, but still prominent enough to see - that Percy seemed to have.
Percy stretched, gaze falling on Annabeth for a still moment before moving to Apollo (Ohhh, no way, does Percy like- Jason couldn't help the small smirk that overtook his mouth). "Hey, Apollo. Your sister said, and I quote, 'Don't do anything stupid, brother, though, I suppose that is a futile hope.'" Apollo laughed at that.
"Sounds like Arty alright," he remarked grinning. He stood, and Percy followed, gaining confused looks from both Jason and Annabeth.
"Are you two going somewhere?" Annabeth asked, eyes narrowed. "We still have some questions, particularly for Percy." She looked at said boy pointedly, to which Percy's eyes widened as he pointed to himself.
"Wait, me?" he said, bewildered. Jason nodded, jumping in, mind reeling. He needed to know how to make it up to his Intent, to get rid of this disgusting feeling this pit in his stomach and heart.
"How did you get your Intent to forgive you?" he asked, and at the question, Percy blinked before scratching the side of his face, answering slowly.
"Oh, well, for me, I just started having therapy sessions with Blackjack without really knowing." Percy shrugged before continuing, "And eventually, Blackjack started warming up to me, and we were pretty chill after that." He laughed a bit. "Imagine how shocked I was when my brain started talking back to me; I considered asking my mom to get me a psychologist to check me out."
Apollo shook his head with a grin that seemed to say, 'only Percy' which Jason could agree to, but Jason himself was slightly confused.
"Therapy session?" he asked, prompting for some clarification.
Percy nodded, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned on one leg. "Yeah. Back then, I was going through a lot, I guess, what with my stepdad, some suck-ass bullies, and some other stuff," he said, waving off the slight furrow of Jason's brow in concern, and continued, "so I started 'daydreaming,' in a sense." Percy seemed to think a bit, green eyes unseeing of the present.
"And at some point, after remembering my dad saying something about Spirits and whatnot, I started talking to 'myself,'" he said 'myself' in air quotes with his hands before folding them back, "in an effort to, I guess, come to terms with everything going on in my life. And at some point, I guess I started talking as if I was talking to a separate entity as a whole.
"In a way, I guess it's sorta like praying? But like, to a spirit that I thought was maybe there, and eventually, after talking a whole lot to whatever I thought I was talking to, Blackjack piped up, and back then, he was a rude ass, still is, but before, he was cussy and a pessimistic little butt." Percy paused with a look of annoyance and Jason realized Blackjack must have commented on that.
Percy then continued, "And eventually, I got all fed up with the attitude and told Blackjack to tell me all of his problems, since he was complaining that I didn't deserve to dump all my life problems on him, and eventually, after hearing him out, I, well, apologized, he apologized for being rude, we bonded, and the rest is history." Percy shrugged.
"Sorry, that's all I can give, since it's what I did," he said. He suddenly paused, a look of realization dawning on him. In an almost comical manner, his eyes widened and he pointed at Jason and Annabeth. "Wait, are you guys-"
"-going to befriend their Intents?" Apollo finished cheerily. "Why yes, yes they are going to be." Percy stared at them, and for a scary moment, one filled with doubt, Jason thought Percy would reprimand them. You don't deserve to befriend your Intent. You've been far too cruel for far too long. It's too late to reconcile. But the accusations never came and instead, a grin split Percy's brightened face.
"This is - gods - really!?" Percy said taking an excited step toward his two blonde friends, to which Jason's eyes widened before he felt a smile spread across his own face.
"You bet, dude," Jason said grinning as Annabeth huffed a bit but smiled nonetheless.
"Wait, but why? Not that I'm not happy about it or anything, but I mean, are you guys sure you want to, well, get involved in all of this?" Percy asked, concern lacing his words. Jason scoffed a bit, despite himself.
Percy looked at him with question and slightly offended look, and Jason quickly said, "Sorry, no it's just, there's no way I'm not going to be involved in this war, especially since it's one that's centered around our family." Whatever reaction Jason expected from Percy, it certainly wasn't the one of confusion that Percy portrayed.
"Hold up, hold up, back up a minute," he said. He stared at Jason with a look of shock. "What war?" He turned to Apollo and gestured toward Jason. "What war is your brother talking about?"
"Did Apollo not tell you?" Annabeth asked. Percy's eyes whipped toward her with incredulity.
"Uh, no?" He waved his arms helplessly. "Uhm, can someone fill me in? A war?" He gave a glare toward Apollo, to which Apollo replied with a smile, unfazed by the situation.
"Yeah, so there is in fact a war going on, between good Mediums and the Timeless Mediums, aaaand our family," Apollo gestured to him, Jason, and Percy, "are the center of the whole thing."
Jason would've laughed at the way his friend's mouth opened and closed multiple times had the situation been lighter. Finally, Percy, sputtering, asked, "So, is this like Romeo and Juliet where there's like a family feud for a bunch of generations? Like some sort of rivalry? Please say yes. I hate Romeo and Juliet, but please say that it's not an actual war war."
Jason winced at that and from the way Percy's face fell, Jason knew that Percy saw his reaction. "F*ck, it's an actual war." Percy looked like he was about to burst - in tears or shouts, Jason didn't know - but eventually, he opted for a loud obnoxious sigh that just exuded the words 'I am so done with this' before he flopped himself back onto the couch, arms limp at his sides. Actually, Jason was very tempted to join him.
"Cool. Cool. I'm just," Percy breathed in, "Flowers, sunshine, rainbows," he breathed out, "Blue, blue, blue - yeah, that's not working," he said as he groaned.
"Tell me about it," Jason said, shoulders slumping a bit as he said it. "Things are getting pretty crazy."
"Not that they already weren't," Annabeth added as she seemed to deflate a bit. Apollo glanced around the room and sighed.
"Alright, children," he said with a clap. "Up and off your rear ends; since we all know about the war, we are in a way, soldiers, and soldier morale is quite important so we shall dance." Jason blinked. Wait, what? Dance?
"Wha-" before he could finish the thought, Apollo had grabbed his forearm along with Percy's and jerked them into standing with utter confusion. Apollo made a move to do the same to Annabeth but she gave him a withering glare before standing slowly on her own, eyes narrowed.
Before anyone could question what was going on, Apollo had said something, snapped, and in a bright golden flash, in his hands was a flute. Percy's eyes widened in recognition at the instrument, and a small smile started forming on his face, a look of pleasant surprise overtaking him.
Jason himself wondered what was about to transpire at the sudden appearance of the Intent, and he noticed Annabeth's face scrunch in confusion, but the moment the mouthpiece came into contact with Apollo's lip, the clear trill rang through the air, air that was filled with resentment, hopelessness, depression, but as if it were a sudden beam of light in a night covered in suffocating dark, it was blinding.
And as the song played out, Jason couldn't help but feel like he had been covered in dark clouds, thundering and ominous that suddenly dissipated in a sudden shine of light. And he almost felt like he could forget about those clouds and just be happy.
Maybe not forever, but for now, he thought as his body moved awkwardly to the upbeat music. For now.
And as Apollo played without restraint, Percy doing some crazy harlem shake like dance move, Annabeth, even, moving a bit to the music, Jason danced, no matter how badly, because at that moment, for now, he wasn't going to let that dark cloud suffocate him.
Because even Jason deserved some happiness now and then, didn't he?
o)0(o - Linebreak
Annabeth walked home, breathing in the air, mind clearer than it had ever felt at that moment. Who knew music had such power as that? The power to calm all her nerves, all the tension built up inside her, and all the confusion, just unraveling like thread. All the information in her head, in her mind, was not closer to being solved, no, not one bit, but the gears that had started to creak and squeak felt oiled, and most of all...
Her heart was beating.
Strange how she only just noticed it. Such a thing that was there everyday, every moment of her life, that beating...And she felt it, calm, steady, constant. Breathe. She was breathing.
She had the urge to shake herself out of this strange state of mind she was feeling - noticing small things and finding the beauty in its simplicity and its constancy. But she let her mind wander. Let it take it in. Give it the break it lacked, the rest it lacked, and the breath of fresh air that it needed.
She opened the door to her house, greeted with the fussing Helen and Fredrick, both who scolded her for staying out late without notifying them for how long she had been staying at her friend's place. Annabeth simply nodded, and felt with a slight drop of the heart, that annoyance started seeping into her countenance.
Soon, the music filled ears, mindful noticing of small beauties, was replaced yet again by the mind that worked relentlessly, complicating, over complicating, simplifying, everything that she saw, heard and knew.
And as she went into her room, she went straight back to work : research. Opening her laptop, she opened up the tabs she bookmarked, almost robotic, a routine, as she immersed her mind in new knowledge she gained that day, and piecing it with other information.
Apollo will be busy, for whatever reason, tomorrow and on Sunday, Annabeth thought as she typed away. She paused, mind actively going through possible reasons as to why Apollo might find something more important to attend to. Could it be related to the war in general? she thought. She let the thought roll in her mind, and nodded. That would be logical - the war is not only fought where Percy is, and surely there are others things that need to be tended to. Could it be that that's the business Apollo has?
Annabeth noted it, but it wasn't definitive so she left it a lighter colored font. She tapped her finger lightly on her desk as she thought more. According to Apollo, Percy would be able to fend for himself pretty well, so this plan of ours, of jumping in to help Percy fight would be an absolute last resort. We would have to have a way to keep tabs on Percy in that case without the Timeless knowing we're there.
Annabeth bit her lip. Could they hide in Percy's house? Before they parted, Annabeth and Jason had let Percy know about their plan to learn to be Mediums so that they could back him up, so she could ask him if her and Jason could stay in the house while he is confronted by the Timeless.
A thought crossed her mind, a doubt. This would only work if Annabeth and Jason were able to gain the favors of their Intents in the first place. Only then would Apollo train them, and even when being trained, it would be an extremely short amount of time, not only that, but according to Percy, it seemed as though the forgiving process had taken quite the time to happen.
She thought back to the green eyed boy. She had noticed with a slight flush, that his muscles were clearly more toned (she immediately declared in her mind that it was a simple observation, and nothing more, as she had stared for a moment too long), so it was clear that Apollo's training was physically effective even within a short amount of time.
Good, she thought. She leaned back. The only things left for me to do for my part, then, are...
She crossed her arms, biting the inside of her lip as she listed it out. Solidify the plan, figure out what Michael Korn might have to do with anything and if the Library's veiled information is significant at all, though, that is of minor importance compared to the immediate problem of...
Being forgiven. Annabeth winced. Being forgiven...meaning that Annabeth had done something wrong. That she had been wrong, she had done bad, she had been ignorant.
She pinched the bridge of her nose. Ugh, she groaned. Forgiven? But is it wrong that I neglected my Intent when that's all I've learned my whole life, all I've ever known? She thought about criminology. Back when World War II had ended, the Nazis that were captured who claimed to have been brainwashed and indoctrinated had their sentences lightened, and in a similar way, Annabeth could easily justify her actions in a similar way.
In a way, shouldn't her sentence be lightened? Shouldn't she have to not be forgiven? Why should it be that she had to apologize when what she did was only done because that's all she'd ever been taught?
"Dammit," Annabeth grumbled as she knew that this situation wasn't at all like World War II convict sentences because the heart doesn't lie. And her heart felt it, felt that yes, she is guilty, and that no matter if she was indoctrinated, brainwashed, tortured, forced, whatever she might claim, she was guilty.
So she straightened her back, because she knew she had to do this if she ever wanted to start training, so she sucked her pride up, as hard as it was, and said, "I'm sorry." She didn't know what she had expected, but nothing happened. No voice in her head, no wooshing, no magic Summoning. Just her and her room, silently mocking her for talking to herself.
Talking to myself...Her eyes lit up. "Oh," she said with realization. She shouldn't be talking to herself, but she should be directing her apology toward her Intent. How? She wasn't too sure, but she had to give it a try.
Closing her eyes, feeling slightly stupid, she imagined her Intent - a gray owl, drab gray like her eyes, red glow around it, and its black vortex-like eyes - and she thought, directing the thought, as if she were thinking at that image in her mind, I'm sorry.
The image was still. She continued. I'm sorry. She grit her teeth, but repeated it again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for neglecting you. Nothing replied. I'm sorry for hoping you didn't exist. She bit her lip, but she continued, a gate seemingly having opened, and the words poured out, and soon she found herself saying her apologies out loud.
Apologizing was getting easier the more she did it, and the more she did it, the more it meant.
"I'm sorry," she said again. "For seeing you as an object. I'm sorry for seeing you as an annoyance. I -" Annabeth felt a stinging behind her eyes and she realized she was crying.
"I'm sorry for hating you."
She found herself breathless, tears slipping through her eyes squeezed shut, and she could feel slight sobs wracking her body. Annabeth Chase was crying, saying sorry, and meaning it with her heart, he mind, her Spirit.
And she knew then and there, that she really, really, was sorry.
The owl in her mind's eye moved. Annabeth gasped as she kept her eyes closed but saw the owl turn to her, dark pits as eyes staring into her, into her Spirit, searching, feeling, understanding. The owl cocked its head to the side, as if curious.
How strange, a voice said in her mind, the female voice so similar to her, to mom, but not quite. A girl like you I thought too haughty to surely find the heart so deep within you, but I seemed to have been wrong.
You are sorry, the owl observed. Annabeth found herself holding her breath, unable to say anything as the judgement was being passed. The owl's beak widened, and it almost seemed as if she were smiling.
Judgement, you say, Annabeth Chase? There was a light chuckled, and Annabeth felt a weight lift off her mind. Why, if this is a judgement, I daresay you've proven yourself true and light.
Thank you, for finding the strength to find me. Fly, girl - I will be your wings, and you my guide. I forgive you, Annabeth Chase.
I forgive you.
Annabeth Chase cried.
o)0(o - Linebreak
"You know, this was a whole lot easier in the Spirit World," Percy noted as he moved to block Apollo's attack. While Percy as a Spirit knew all the techniques and knew all the shenanigans of sword fighting, it seemed like his physical body didn't know what the heck it was doing. The stances felt slightly awkward, and it was clear his body wasn't accustomed in having a sword in hand.
"Well, this is why we are practicing right now," Apollo replied, hefting his own sword (which for once wasn't an Intent and instead a practice sword). "Though, I have to say, you're a natural."
Percy found himself blocking Apollo's attack to his right easily. Well, I suppose it is getting easier as time goes on, and Apollo doesn't seem as good as Artemis was at close combat. He kept the thought to himself though, because he'd suspect that Apollo would rant about how great he was if he were to mention it at all.
"Well, thanks?" Percy said as he went in for a swing to Apollo's side. It was effectively blocked, but it left Apollo's torso open and Percy sent a kick toward the man's chest, prompting an oof from him and quickly placed Riptide's blade on his throat.
Go, Boss! That's my boss right there! Blackjack cheered in Percy's mind. He grinned as Apollo huffed and took the hand Percy offered to get back up.
"I was going easy on you, cuz," Apollo said as he crossed his arms.
Yeah right, Blackjack snorted.
I do believe Blackjack may be right in his sentiment, Master, Riptide agreed.
"Uh huh," Percy replied sarcastically. "Totally didn't just beat you fair and square."
Percy looked at the clock on the wall of the basement. He and Apollo had gone back to Apollo's place, and apparently Apollo had a second basement, to which Percy just "Of course you have a second basement"-ed. The reason for this was that Percy had to train his physical body in what his Spirit body learned, and so far, it was difficult, but he was getting the hang of it, though he was winded after a good ten minutes of constant moving.
"Dam, it's already 1 AM," Percy remarked. "And I'm still not sleepy. You have no idea how weird it is to not need sleep." Apollo laughed at that.
"Well, your body did get a full day's worth of rest while you were in the Spirit World," Apollo replied with a grin. He inspected his fake sword, made of something heavier than wood, stronger, but looked similar. Percy didn't bother asking what it was made of - it was probably some kind of expensive type of plastic or something. He looked up. "Shall we work on your footwork? You got all the arm movements right, but your feet move like you're playing a strange game of twisters."
Percy scoffed. "Hey, I might not be the best, but I didn't say I sucked."
Apollo shrugged. "Neither did I; that's what you said." He smirked and told Percy, "Now play along, now won't you, cousin?"
Percy raised an eyebrow. "Play-" Apollo went on to step right on Percy's foot. Percy yelped, jumping away, and mind you it didn't hurt, but it did surprise Percy. He looked at Apollo, affronted. "Hey, what was that for?"
A smirk played on Apollo's lip, before he straightened with mock-seriousness. "This is what I like to call Stomp the Foe's Toes, otherwise called Avoid the Foe's Toes or Your Toes Will Be Stomped On." He grinned at Percy who looked at the man incredulously, but nonetheless getting into ready stance, one foot shoulder length behind the other, heel light so he was on the balls of his feet, ready to move. Apollo smiled widely. "Let us start the footwork."
And as they moved back and forth, often times Percy on the defensive, or rather, evasive, his thoughts wandered back to Annabeth and Jason. When he first saw them in his physical body, the first word that came up was 'stress' because both blondes had bags under their eyes, and Jason was twitching more than he should have been and Annabeth's sharp gaze, though still intelligent and non-lacking in awe inspiring beauty, was slightly hazed, as if clouded by a clatter of information.
And as Apollo played his dizi, slowly but surely, Percy had seen the lightening of the two blonde's demeanors and the lifting of their stress.
Seeing Annabeth leave with the slight upward tip of the lip was possibly the most stunning, as if she were the daughter of a goddess, maybe even be the goddess herself. Her eyes had cleared, the storm in those gray pools brought back to life, brightening, and free of the haze it had before.
And Percy couldn't help but want to hug Annabeth...and Jason. Both, of course. And the reason for this was not for any romantic reasons, but rather for the sake of saying "I'm sorry," though he couldn't bring himself to say it in the end.
Both were weighing themselves down by taking part of Percy's burden, making it their missions to support him and work harder than ever to help Percy out and his situation. Even if Jason had said that he had already long been involved in whatever war was going on, it didn't stop Percy from feeling like he was the one that gave Jason reason to be even more involved.
Had they, Percy, Annabeth, Jason, Thalia, Grover, Piper, never met, then maybe they wouldn't be worrying about something like a war right now. About Percy meeting a dangerous group of murders and murderers to be. About getting involved, gods forbid, in all of this.
But when Percy looked at Jason's electric eyes, though tired and worn, it held a determination Percy himself was familiar with, and when he looked at Annabeth's gaze, the storm clouds mighty and ever in motion, Percy couldn't find the heart to tell them sorry - they were doing it for him. They were choosing to do it themselves, and he knew if he said sorry, it would be demeaning their efforts, it would be undermining them.
So he told them a quiet 'Thank you' before they left.
"What are you thinking about, cousin?" Apollo asked lightly as he made a move to step on Percy's foot, but the latter was ready in the last minute jerked it out of the way to swing it around and bring it down on Apollo's. Apollo, however, was still able to avoid it, but to Percy's delight, barely. At that point, it was less using specific footwork techniques or more of Percy trying to one up his cousin by stomping on his 'foe's toes.'
Percy grumbled something incoherent about stupid toes before grinning and saying, "Nothing." He thought back to years in middle school spent alone and ostracized, called a freak by friends who hated him, and compared it to now. Friends who were willing to risk their lives to help him. Apollo must have seen the smile on Percy's face, and he didn't comment and instead started humming 'Eye of the Tiger' to which Percy rolled his eyes but enjoyed nonetheless.
At some point, he had started to hum along, but Apollo cut him off, saying, "Dear cousin, your vocal talents are extremely lacking, and-" Percy, who had looked up to protest that he never joined chorus in middle school for a reason, felt a sudden pressure on his left foot and he whipped his head down in dismay "- it looks like I have stomped my foe's toes," Apollo finished triumphantly.
"Gods dammit, Apollo!"
And as Apollo laughed, Percy joining a bit later, he thought he saw a look of strain and grief flash across the man's bright face, but it was gone in the blink of an eye, and Percy decided it was his imagination that came along with the worry about who Luke Castellan was.
Of blue and sharp it takes its course
through wisps and bodies with voices hoarse
Take heed of voices who weather the heart
and avoid that scar that will play its part
of eternal and not, the war will be fought
and avoid it you can
most definitely not
Percy grinned as Apollo suggested another round, and they went on, cousin with cousin, trying to get toe to toe, literally, and possibly, being fools for laughing at such a time as this, but despite not knowing Apollo's situation, despite knowing his own situation, Percy kept smiling, because he'd rather run smiling than crying.
o)0(o - Linebreak
Jason looked at the clock again. It was 2 AM in the morning, and sleep was evasive as he stared at the ceiling of the room. After another minute, he stared at the clock again. 2:01 AM in the morning, and sleep was still evas-
He rolled over and groaned into his pillow, muffling the sound to keep from alerting anyone he was still awake at such an ungodly hour.
He waited a few more minutes until the clock read 2:10 AM. And he spoke, voice muffled by the pillow, low and quiet, but desperate.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Gods, I'm so dam sorry, please just answer me," he mumbled, slightly banging his head lightly into the fluff. Even one word, but please, just show me that I'm on the right track, that I have even a fighting chance to make it up to you.
The ticking of the clock was the only sound that resounded in the still air. Gritting his teeth, Jason slammed his fist into his mattress, grunting, as he flipped around so that he was facing the ceiling again. The ticking continued. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick, tick, tick, tock, tick, tick -
Jason bolted to his feet, grabbing his glasses off his nightstand, creaked his door open as quietly as he could, and walked swiftly down the stairs and out into the streets of the quiet suburban Irvington. He breathed the crisp air in, shivering slightly as he leaned a bit on the railing right outside his doorsteps.
He needed to clear his head.
So Jason watched the stars that blinked in the night sky, a slight breeze ruffling his clothes. He breathed in. Out. His gaze fell lazily on one particular star. It wasn't the brightest, but it was still visible against the dark blanket that enclosed the sky. It twinkled, and Jason mildly remembered a child's poem he heard when he was five.
"Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight
"Wish I may, wish I might
"Have the wish I wish tonight."
Jason watched as the star stayed where it was, the night air cool against his skin and the moon's illumination making things have a slight dreamy glow to everything. He grinned sadly a bit. "What am I doing?" he asked the still night. He chuckled. "Gods, I just, I-"
Jason buried his face into his hands, embracing the darkness, complete darkness it provided. He felt like a child again. 'If I can't see you, then you can't see me,' he had said a long time ago, later being scolded by strict Aunt Lupa that explained that, that was not how hiding worked.
But for now, he used it as a reassurance that perhaps maybe he was hidden from the rest of the world, and it was just him and his thoughts. Him and his silent Intent. Him and his sins.
Jason was always a righteous person, just, and followed all the rules. He was what people might call an ideal Roman, in a sense. Orderly. Neat. Air of dignity and leadership. For all his life, all he's ever done was the right thing, and that was following the laws, whether it be written laws, family laws, ethical, moral laws -
But that wasn't him at all. Not at all.
Jason wasn't ever a righteous person, was unjust, and followed the ways of the wicked societal influences. He was what people might call abusive, in a sense. Neglectful. Shameful. Air of suffocating guilt. For all his life, all he's ever done was the wrong thing, the wrong thing that he blindly believed was right.
Jason was a disgusting excuse for a human being.
And maybe he should just stay, hidden, in the blackness of his mind, his cursed hands that were meant to Summon a friend but was instead used to restrict and harm. He should just stay like that. Stop trying. I mean, he thought with a bitter smile. What's there to forgive if I'm a lost cause?
You regret it.
Jason's face left his hands in shock, eyes widened as the black sky came into view again. He opened his mouth, but closed it again, afraid that the voice would go away again. Instead, he let his head hang low in silent agreement as he stared at the railing, cold and made of black painted metal.
The voice, the Intent, he hummed, as if in thought. I hate you, you know? Jason bit his lip. He deserved it, but hearing it still stung, like a prick sinking into his skin, slow, small, but painful - Well, no, scratch that; I hated you. Past tense. Jason's eyes snapped wide, something blooming in his chest, something strange, warm and fuzzy, yet seemingly far, almost like-
Hope. Jason's jaw clenched. Hope. How torturous. It wormed itself into his heart, his mind, it didn't let him embrace the blackness, the muck that he was, it made him long for forgiveness again - no, he thought. Jason Grace was evil, and he didn't deserve any form of forgiveness. He didn't. He couldn't.
The Intent was silent, as if listening to the thoughts that plagued Jason's mind.
I'll tell you what I went through, the Intent said. Jason nodded numbly, ready for the truth to be laid out before him. At first, I came out and you were ogling at me like I was the best thing that happened to you. It was great. But then you were told to and taught how to Release right away and I thought, 'Oh, I'm sure he was just busy! We'll play later!' but of course, that didn't ever happen.
Instead, I was only Summoned a year after, and you looked at me with fear. 'Why,' I had asked you, 'are you scared of me?' but you barely acknowledged my voice, probably refused to hear it. The Intent snorted and Jason flinched. And then this repeated over, and over, and over again.
Being in your mind was hard enough. I, who is part of your Spirit, but another entity entirely, forced to stay cramped, stuck, ignored and malnourished, in a way, by you who only let me out after one year. Twelve months. 365 days. Dammit, Grace, it f*cking hurt.
You tortured me, you hear? Tortured.
Jason's knees felt weaker than it had moments ago. His teeth were clamped so tight that his jaw creaked and his teeth grinded against each other.
He heard it. His sins. His crimes. The things he's done that should be punishable by life-long prison, by death. And he was a criminal, walking around the streets, free and unchained. Jason gripped the railing, his knuckles going white as he continued to stare at the metal.
He couldn't even find it in him to say sorry. What would it matter? He's said it so many times, but realized that no matter what kind of apology he made, it would never outweigh his sins.
You're right, you know, the Intent said in his mind, voice soft but piercing and loud, echoing, almost, throughout him. What you've done to me will never disappear. I probably won't ever forget it. And you probably don't deserve my forgiveness at all.
He's right, Jason thought, chest tightening, his breaths growing shallow. I -
But you really, really regret it, don't you?
Jason gulped down the hope he felt when he heard the 'but.'
Do you regret it?
Jason's lungs weren't working as well as they should have been. I -
Jason Grace -
"I regret it," Jason whispered, huffing slightly, shoulders shaking. His knees shook. "I regret it. I regret it so damn much."
...And are you willing to shed your old self, and turn 180 degrees and repent?
"Yes," Jason said, voice kept low but resounding in the silent night. "Yes, I do, I need to make it up to you, I -"
You already have.
Jason stilled. What?
There was a chuckle before the Intent spoke again. I told you what you've done to me to show you that these things you've done are inexcusable, and I wanted to make sure you never forget that what you've done was wrong.
But that doesn't mean I won't ever let you make up for it.
You regret it. You repented. Repentance is the willingness to turn 180, to go the other way, no matter how hard the current that other way may be. And you've shown only willingness, to do just that - the Will, to do just that.
Jason's knees buckled, and they hit hard on the floor but the pain didn't register.
You stayed up until two in the morning, repeating 'sorry' over and over again, and every sorry that you said, you meant. That's not something you see from weak willed, undeserving people.
Jason's eyes pricked, small streams tracing his cheek.
I mean, that's some resilience, Grace, and you've shown that you're more than deserving of the thing you hope for.
Jason looked up, and he sobbed as the sky sparkled through his blurry sight. He cried.
And one thing, Grace, before I start working with you: don't stop yourself. In fact, never stop yourself just because of your sins. Don't ignore them, but don't let them keep you where you are. You're an eagle, Grace, and you're meant to fly. You're a stallion, and you're meant to run. Give yourself a little slack.
Forgive yourself, because I forgive you.
Keep running forward, Grace, and don't you ever stop on me again.
DU DUNNNNN. I hope that was uplifting (lol, is that the right word?). But what this is is the whole idea of everyone, and that means everyone, deserves happiness and forgiveness. But moreso, move forward.
Move forward with a smile, because you know you can be happy and that as long as you keep going, you will be. Move forward non-stop, because if you let guilt stop you, if you stop yourself, you won't ever see that destination of happiness. You think you're undeserving? Well, screw that! You want to be happy. It doesn't matter if you deserve it or not, you want to be happy.
Everyone does.
So go for it. Run for it. You might accidentally take a detour down the wrong path, but if you keep going, don't let anything stop you, and you'll get there eventually.
Don't forget your mistakes. Don't ignore them. But don't wallow in it, don't let it swallow you, and don't let it keep you from your goal. You're allowed to be happy. Everyone is, no matter what they think. This is a truth, and an undeniable fact. So forgive yourself, and move forward. Rather than forgive and forget, forgive and lay a foundation. Use what you've regret as another stepping stone to cross that raging river that life is.
GO BE HAPPY!
iiiis the message - ish of the whole thing. So, yeah. But seriously, y'all are, no matter what you've done, and I mean no matter what, allowed to be happy. To be able to smile, and feel tears pour down not from sadness, but from pure unaltered joy. So go for it. Don't stop and -
Keep Running Forward.
That's my pep talk for today, lol, and yes, this whole thing is, as I've said, heavily based off my own experience within 2020, so, yeah. Hope you felt along with Jason, Annabeth, and Percy, whether it be crying, smiling, or laughing, or something else :)
Have the best and happiest day, y'all. Y'all deserve it.