A strange feeling bubbles inside me, a mixture of anger and hatred, relief and happiness. Everyone knew my brother was never really my brother, taking on a role similar to an antagonist, despite my willingness for a relationship. I hated him, I hated him with every fibre of my being. And yet, I was still holding out on him, waiting for him to realise I needed him to love me. He was beginning to understand that, beginning to realise that a sister will always need her brother, until he was cruelly taken away from me. Taken away by the man standing in front of me. A man I considered family, a man I was willing to fight for. Here he stood, boldly telling us how he murdered Shane, a man who would die for him.
Rick's words send shockwaves through the group, hitting each person, until, finally; they crashed into me. All eyes were glued on me, each person wearing a different expression. I meet each gaze, reading the emotion in every member. Most were angry, almost scared of the man we'd come to call our leader. Many looked appalled, pissed off.
Except Daryl.
I meet his eyes last, locking with them for only a few seconds. The seconds drag out, and I feel myself getting lost in the deep blue ocean that is his eyes. They bore into me, drilling invisible holes in the centre of my skull. His eyes hold no anger, no surprise. Instead they carry only worry, sympathy for me. They darken as they stay glued to mine, and the deepening of the sea takes me back. Back to a time with barns and hay. A time with rough cotton and warm lips beneath mine.
I finally tear my gaze from him, spinning on my heel to look at the man who killed my brother. I feel myself growing angrier and angrier, and the tears begin to fill my vision. "What?" I whisper shakily, meeting Rick's gaze confidently, despite the growing emotion.
"Lily-I-" He begins, desperately reaching out to me. I step away from his arms, curling my hands into fists.
"Why?" I ask, the tears falling easily.
"He led me out there, to-to kill me. It was all a game to him I-I didn't want to, he made me-" he stutters, tears filling his own eyes.
It doesn't take me long to reach the breaking point, and I cry out in anguish, covering my face shakily with my hands. He whimpers before me, trying once again to reach for me. I push his chest, and advance, following his steps back. I slap his shoulder, over and over, the pain coursing through me growing too much to carry.
I've lost all sense of time and recognition when I'm pulled backwards, someone's large hand encircling my smaller wrist. I halt my attack from the cowering man in front of me, instead aiming my punches at whoever is preventing them from meeting flesh. I punch the person in the arm, though that does nothing to loosen their grip. I move my eyes upwards, blinking quickly, trying to clear the liquid held in them. Daryl has no problem holding my gaze, and his eyes seem to convey the words he's unable to say. Please stop. He's not worth it.
I sob loudly before allowing myself to be pulled away, my feet dragging through the dirt. Daryl leads me to the place he and Carol had set up, though I don't take his offer to sit by him. Instead I walk towards the forest, it's dark nature and blowing wind calling me.
I wipe my eyes and walk towards the tree line, ignoring the calls to come back. I make it a few feet into the forest before I fall, the grief heavy in my heart. My knees hit the floor hard, though I don't register the pain. My breathes come in broken patterns, making taking in oxygen twice as hard.
I don't know why it hurts more knowing he was killed by Rick. What's the difference of him dying because of the herd or because of Rick? I knew the answer to my question, though it hardly made me feel better.
Rick loved Shane, and vice versa. I loved Rick. I knew he was prepared for this world, I knew he had what it takes, but he's not a murderer. He wouldn't murder Shane in cold blood.
But he did.
The thoughts spinning in my head make me dizzy, and I steady myself with my hand. I hadn't realised I'd been crying so uncontrollably, though I did when I began to retch loudly. I had nothing in my stomach, passing up on breakfast and lunch due to Dale and Randall, so all that emerges is a small amount of pale liquid.
Coco follows me into the woods, not that it's hard to find me. She snuggles her face into my shoulder, sitting right in front of me. I smile despite the tears, and throw my hands around her neck, the sobs still wracking my body.
"What are we gonna do now baby?" I whisper into her fur. I wasn't expecting a response, so when she licks my neck, I giggle.
We continue to sit there for a while, the presence of each other comforting both of us. I watch as the moon grows higher in the sky through a gap in the trees, my eyes following its moving shape. Once the tears have long since disappeared, I slowly pull myself to my feet, walking the short distance back to camp. I didn't want to be anywhere near Rick, but I was cold, and I hoped someone had some food.
I was both in luck, and out of it. Neither Rick nor food were here, the only form of food existing in a single stale cracker found in the bottom of Glenn's rucksack. When I arrived, Daryl once again offered me the place next to him, so I had seated myself between Glenn and Daryl. With Carl's father missing, and his mother distressed over the death of her friend, he'd seeked solace with me, and I was happy to comfort him. Daryl had noticed both mine and Carl's shivering, and offered us his poncho. And that's where I'm still sat hours later, Daryl's poncho across my shoulders, Carl in between my legs sharing the warmth of the poncho, and Coco, her warm body nestled between mine and Carl's legs. The warmth radiating from both Carl and Coco, as well as the fire, is almost enough to warm up my frozen body.
Glenn and Maggie were snuggled together on my left, though sporadically Glenn would turn around, sending me a small smile from over his shoulder. Daryl and Carol were on my right, talking quietly between each other, and like Glenn, Daryl was sending me small smiles. Lori was opposite Carl and I, her face turned downwards, stroking her slowly rounding belly absentmindedly. Hershel and Beth were on the other side of Maggie, trying desperately to warm each other up. The young girl was yet to leave her father's side, sticking close to him since they'd reunited. T-Dog was still on watch, and Rick had gone off in search of food and more wood.
Despite my grief, I found myself feeling safe in the small clearing, the people shaping themselves to fit the hole left by my family.
"Are you and my dad gonna talk again?" Carl murmurs, just loud enough for me to hear.
I squeeze his middle tighter, tucking my head into the gap between his neck and shoulder. "I'm sure we will," I whisper back, reassuring both of us.
The boy nods, his eyes never wavering from my shoelaces that he was busy playing with. I lift my head, kissing the back of his head gently, before placing my head back on his shoulder. The young Grimes boy was quickly becoming one of my closest companions, despite his meager age. I was still surprised at his maturity, not expecting a 13 year old to act so adult, though I was glad he did.
We sat like that for a while, each of us holding each other up, until I could hear his soft snores. I leaned back, his head resting just underneath my chin, eyes closed and face peaceful.
"You're really good with him," Carol hums, gazing at me from next to a sleeping Daryl.
I send a small smile to her, nodding my head. "Hardly. I just treat him how he wants to be treated," I tell her, stroking his hair from his face.
"Which is why you're good with him," she says quietly. "Poor kid's been through so much. He thought his dad was dead, he saw Shane get close with Lori, and when we lost Sophia I-" Her voice breaks off, tears filling her glassy eyes. I open my mouth to comfort her, though she cuts me off sternly before I do. "No. I-I just need to pull myself together, and get over it. We've all lost someone to this world"
I shake my head fiercely. "You never get over it," I mumble, tears filling my own eyes.
Her head snaps up, sending me a look. "Did you-?"
Her questioning gaze asks what her words cannot, and I nod slowly. "I had a miscarriage 'bout a year before all this," I say, gesturing to our surroundings.
She nods, her face scrunched up in sympathy. "I'm so sorry," she whispers.
"So am I. Sophia didn't deserve to go out that way. She didn't deserve that death, ain't nobody does."
Carol smiles softly before kicking her legs out in front of her. "She didn't deserve to live in this world either," she murmurs, before allowing her head to lean back on a rock behind her.
I settle back into my silence, listening to the crackling of the slowly dying fire, as well as the individual sounds being emitted from every member of the group.
Beth, like Carl was snoring softly, and Hershel was wheezing slightly, his lungs being pressed against by his daughter's body. Glenn was humming slightly, a tune that was both recognisable and foreign. Maggie was trying desperately to fight the pull of sleep, and made random noises of consciousness as she jolted awake. Lori was weeping almost silently, her breath squeaky and shoulder's shaking. T was making next to no noise, the only sounds coming from the gentle clang of his near empty shotgun, and small crunches of leaves and twigs under his feet.
Daryl, as usual, was completely silent, even his breathing quiet. His face lost it's harsh and angry quality during his slumber, and was replaced by a delicate, innocent look. His eyebrows weren't furrowed, and the hard lines normally creasing his face were softened, creating an overall childlike quality. His strong, muscular arms were crossed tightly over his chest, and his calloused hands were tucked neatly underneath them.
I'd been watching Daryl for quite some time when Rick returned. I ignored his presence at first, still upset with the man. I wanted desperately to start a fight, my tears well and truly gone, and my anger overriding every other emotion. Rick, however, gave me no opening to start one. He stalked in silently, neither wood nor food present in his arms, and threw himself down, just outside the circle. I turned my gaze from Daryl's sleeping form, to his hunched one. I watched him meticulously, watching as he tried to settle down for the night. I could see his mouth moving, whispering quiet words to the cold night, though I wasn't able to hear it.
I narrowed my eyes, determined to understand his words. I could make out a few words; 'you' and 'me'. It dawned on me a few seconds later.
Rick was murmuring a single sentence; over and over.
"This was you, not me."
A/n I love the Carl+Lily friendship omgggg. I'm gonna do a few chapters for the 8 months between s2 and 3 so what do you think will happen? Will Rick and Lily become friends? What's going on with daryl + lily? Also I found an actress who I imagine as Lily! Her name is Lyndsdy Fonseca, so y'all can go check her out if you want! Please comment, I love hearing from you :)