It was visitation, and I laid on my bed and stared at a wall. Padme had already signaled me and said she wasn't coming, things were too crazy with Palpatine, and Obi-Wan had signaled and said the same thing. So I was shocked when Sheom poked his large head in and said, "Skywalker, get a move on you only got an hour."
Confused, I walked with him, and he led me to the cafeteria down stairs. Like I suspected I did not see Padme, Obi-Wan, or Ahsoka, but saw a women sitting there at a table. When she stood up and turned around, I recognized her. Why was Breha Organa here to see me?
"Your Majesty," I said bowing and kissing her hand. I was confused, but I was at first a gentleman.
"I see Padme fell in love with a knight in shining armor," said Queen Organa.
"A dark knight perhaps," I said, pulling out her chair for her.
"Why do you say that?" she asked. "Because you're here?"
"Surely you don't approve of our relationship. Me a Jedi, drawn to the dark side at that, her a Senator, sworn to serve her queen and her people. We chose love over duty, and hid it. I am sure that offended you and Bail."
"Do you have such a negative view of everyone in the galaxy?" she asked laughing. "It shocked us of course. But only because Padme is so… focused. I have never seen her take any interest outside of work. In fact, Bail will take her out on a social call as friends and half way through the night she will start discussing a bill. But with you, clearly she has taken a different turn. I went to see her this morning. The way she spoke of you, I have never heard her speak of anyone like that, not even her family. She clearly loves you. The question is how do you feel for her?"
I was shocked. I was used to trying to deny my feelings for Padme, now I had to explain them. Taking a deep breath, I tried to think about how to explain how I felt about Padme. "When I was nine years old, I was willing to risk my life to get her parts for a ship so she wouldn't be stranded. I dreamed about her growing up. In fact, when I struggled with my anger and depression, I guess, her memory was what calmed me down. On my assignment to protect her, I broke every rule in the book to impress her and make her laugh and I didn't care if I made a fool of myself. When my mother died, she pulled me back from the darkness. When she told me she loved me, I can't tell you how I felt. Being away from her during the wars felt like torture. When she told me she was pregnant and I was going to be a dad, I called it the happiest moment of my life. I am in here because Palpatine knows I would do anything to protect her, and that makes me dangerous. I am absolutely insane about her. There will never be anyone else. I have loved her since I was nine years old."
My dramatic declaration of love made the Queen of Alderan chuckle. "Every man should be so bold. I didn't mean to offend you, Anakin, but I needed to hear for one of you that you were in love. You have been so secretive. But no man can talk that way about a woman and not have feelings for her."
"I took no offense, and it was good to finally say it out loud in words that made logical sense. When I talk to Padme I am so… intoxicated with her I sound like an idiot and I just basically call her pretty."
Breha laughed. "Bail was the same way when he was your age. He has called me his religion, because he would die for me."
"So it is not just me?"
"All men are idiots when they are young and in love. That is why they need to marry women, we are the sophisticated ones." She reached into a bag at her feet and pulled something out. It was some sort of pie wrapped in plastic wrap. "Almakian apple pie from Dex Diner," she said. "Obi-Wan said you liked it." She said handing me a fork.
"You don't have to feed me," I said.
"Nonsense this is the first time I have set down all day. I deserve some pie too you know."
"I am not arguing with that." I took a bite of the pie. "This pie is great. It tastes almost like the way my mom would make it."
"You remember your mother? I didn't know Jedi knew their mothers."
"They found me late. I was taken to the temple when I was nine, so yeah I knew her."
"Do you get to see her often?"
I swallowed hard. "I didn't get to see her after I was taken to the temple, and she died ten years later."
Breha didn't say anything.
"But I saw her when she died," I said. "Got to say goodbye."
"So you were nineteen," she said.
I nodded.
"So young," she said.
"Padme and I were kind of together, almost. We got together the next day. I think she felt sorry for me," I smirked.
"No, I am sure it wasn't that."
"That is why I am here," I confessed. "After my mom died, I couldn't stand it when people got hurt or died. I know the names of every man I've lost. I keep track of it on a journal disk that only I can access. Now I am getting paranoid that Padme can't handle her pregnancy. I can't eat or sleep."
"Anakin, that is not healthy."
"There is a way to do it, you know. Stop people from dying. I just gotta figure it out."
"Anakin, Padme's not gonna die. You got to take care of you honey, so you can go home."
"But people are still gonna die."
"Anakin, I know what they call you: The Chosen One. Padme said that the mystical energy is out of whack and you have to fix it. Apparently, they told you this at nine years old, which according to what you just told me was the same year you entered the order. Okay, listen to me. It is not a nine year old job to stop Sith Lords, or stop slavery, or fix the galaxy. You were a kid. It is not your fault people die."
"So what do I do?"
"Try being selfish. Let your body rest. You look tired and hungry. Stop saving the world and save yourself. You can't take care of anyone until you're better."
"I can be selfish."
Breha laughed.