Hardest. Chapter. To write. Ever. I'm still not completely satisfied with how it turned out, but I really believe it needed to happen.
They lost track of time, and all danger had long since past by the time they finally separated. Zuko lit a fire in his palm, and the light cast shadows over their flushed faces. He moved to pull away but Katara's hands behind his neck stopped him. She pulled him closer and leaned her forehead against his.
"How...How long have you wanted to do that?" she asked, still breathless from the kiss. Zuko chuckled and the hand not holding the fire reached up to stroke one of her shoulders.
"A long time. Since the night we danced at the carnival...maybe even before" he admitted. "You?"
"That moment in the cave over two weeks ago" she said after a pause. "Worth the wait."
Zuko laughed and he relaxed. He looked around at the midnight sea. Katara had maintained a perfect globe of water around them the entire time. "How did you do that?" He asked her. "I mean, you were um...a little distracted..."
Katara blushed and backed her head up, though her arms stayed draped around his shoulders and neck. His hand dropped to rest comfortably on her hip. "I learned a long time ago that my bending was connected to my emotional state. It's how I broke Aang out of the iceberg initially. I had more than enough...er powerful emotion to keep the water off of us" she explained shyly. Zuko beamed.
"Really?" He asked, flattered and amazed by the confession. Katara met his eyes and smiled.
"Actually, I think I had enough to levitate a quarter of the ocean but that's besides the point." Katara said with a laugh. Her face grew serious again and she stifled a yawn. "I hate to say it, but we need to get back" she told him. She finally backed away and her hands slid away from his shoulders. He instantly missed the feeling. She was right, though. They needed to get back. Katara grabbed the hat that had fallen to the sand and Zuko grabbed his mask.
"Are you ready?" She asked him. Inside he was screaming "No!" He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted to tell her so much at all once. But he nodded his head and watched as the water slowly flowed back into place. They swam to the surface and gulped in the fresh night air. Zuko turned to see how far they were from shore. There was still a possibility that someone was still watching the beach. They needed to swim a good ways just to be on the safe side.
"Let's make our way over to the end of the public beach. Swim underwater as much as you can. We still don't want to be spotted" Zuko told Katara. She stared at him strangely and before he knew it he was falling back into another air pocket she had formed beneath the water.
"I can't do it the whole way, but it'll be faster and more discreet if I just bend us a tunnel down here." She told him. She started walking ahead, bending the water so that the air bubble followed her. Zuko followed her. She was right. It was faster.
Every couple hundred feet Katara would come up for air or to rest in the water for a moment. A half hour later they staggered up the side of an abandoned beach, out of sight from most of the other beach houses. It wasn't a far walk left to their house, but Katara was exhausted. She had been bending large amounts of water for hours and her arms hadn't ached like this in ages. She wanted sleep desperately.
Zuko rubbed her back comfortingly. "Almost there" he told her. She nodded and offered him a sleepy smile. The painted designs had mostly washed away from her skin while her dress was a sandy wrinkled mess.
As they walked up the path to the house the only sound was that of their footsteps and the hoot of an owl-cat. They followed the path around to the back of the house to the courtyard.
They both needed to wash up before going to bed. They were filthy. But Katara was so exhausted that she didn't have the energy to even bend water from the pump. Appa grunted softly and she walked over to the stable to give the bison a pat on the nose.
"Hello Appa" she said to the bison. "Mind if I just sit here for a second?" By the time Zuko turned to see where she had gone, Katara was already fast asleep Appa's tail. There was no way he was leaving her outside by herself. He walked over and shook her shoulder lightly.
"Katara, come on inside" he urged her. Katara's eyelids fluttered and she looked at him from a slit beneath her eyelashes.
"I'm not gonna dirty m bed" she mumbled to him. Zuko sighed and dropped his mask on the stable floor.
"Well then move over" he told her. He slung off his pack of duel swords and crawled onto the bison tail next to her. He didn't want to sleep too close and overstep any boundaries, but Katara didn't seem to care as she immediately moved to snuggle up to his back when he laid down. He tensed for a second, but relaxed and let the sleep take him.
Suki hadn't gotten a wink of sleep since the two adventurers left, but she now finally relaxed when she looked out the back window and spotted the two figures go into the stable. She waited for a minute, and when the two figures didn't come out she smiled to herself and returned to her room. Maybe Zuko took her advice after all.
When the first rays of sun peaked over the ocean Zuko stirred. He was abnormally comfortable and peaceful and had enjoyed a very satisfying sleep. He felt a warm bundle on his side and he subconsciously moved to snuggle closer. The memory of the night before came back to him and he blinked open his eyes. His gaze fell on a mass of chestnut hair that covered most of his chest and he became acutely aware of Katara's face buried in the crook of his shoulder and neck.
Her even breath breezed over his neck as she slept peacefully against him. One of her hands was snuggled against his arm while the other was splayed over his chest. One of Zuko's arms wrapped around her shoulder and he realized he couldn't feel it. Circulation had cut off during the night and the arm tingled painfully when he tried to move his fingers.
He looked down at the sleeping water bender in his arms and decided the dead arm was more than worth it. However, the rest of the group might have something to say if the two were spotted together. It was a drama and fuss Zuko would like to avoid.
He didn't want to wake her up, but he had to. He leaned his head forward and pressed his lips against her forehead.
"Katara" he whispered. Katara moved her head against the soft sensation. She was perfectly comfortable and had no intention of waking up. She was just so warm. It was wonderful. A low voice, gruff and gravely from sleep, spoke her name in her ear. At first her brain was a little puzzled. That wasn't Sokka or Aang's voice.
The fog, the race for their lives, the kiss, all the memories rushed into her mind. La, what time was it? She suddenly shot straight up.
"Breakfast!" she sputtered. Zuko glanced up with her and pulled his released dead arm to his chest.
"What?" he asked, confused.
"What time is it? I have to make breakfast! Ugh, look at me, I'm filthy! I've got to clean up. Spirits, what if Sokka found out I slept in the stable with..." she trailed off as her cheeks turned bright red. Zuko's heart fell. She regretted it. He could see it on her face, he was sure of it.
"I'm sorry," he began "I didn't mean to..." Katara stopped his apology and cut him off.
"Don't apologize for anything!" she snapped at him. "Last night was one of the best adventures I've ever had! I wouldn't change a single thing, you hear me? A. Single. Thing." she emphasized to him. Relief washed over Zuko and he let out a sigh and ran a hand through the back of his hair. "But we do need to talk about it...later" she said softly. Zuko nodded. A conversation was much needed. The very fact that she wanted to have one though, gave him hope.
Katara gave him one last smile before dashing into the house. No one else was up yet and she breathed a sigh of relief. She she had enough time to get washed up and change her clothes. She didn't want anyone knowing what they had been up to that night.
Zuko had just finished changing and was enjoying a cool drink of water from the pump when Aang appeared on the back porch.
"Ready?" Zuko asked him. Aang nodded and rubbed his eyes sleepily. "Why don't we start with some early meditation?" Zuko began.
It wasn't until after breakfast that Zuko and Katara finally got a chance to talk. No one had suggested sparring and the group was lounging around the house or on the porch outside. The day was overcast and misty rain fell periodically. It was a tea and pai sho kind of day. Katara couldn't help but be acutely aware of Zuko's presence whenever he was in the room. She caught Toph grinning in her direction several times. She knew the blind earth bender was well aware of all goings on in the house.
Suki had given her a bunch of secret smiles throughout the morning too. Katara was very thankful when Suki invited Aang for a game of pai sho. It meant they would not be interrupted. Zuko caught her eye and Katara made an excuse to retire to her room. A few minutes later, Zuko followed her up the stairs. She knew he would find her. She sat on the balcony attached to his mother's bedroom.
Her back was turned to the door and she heard it creak open. A second later Zuko sat down beside her.
"Hello" Zuko began awkwardly. Katara looked at him strangely then burst into giggles.
"Hello" she said back.
"I like you. A lot" Zuko blurted after the brief moment of silence. Katara blushed. She couldn't help it. She knew it was true, but having him say it out loud was something else entirely. He certainly did not beat around the bush.
"I know. I care a lot about you too, Zuko. More than I ever expected to." Katara began. She had thought a lot about what she would say to him, but now she didn't want to get it out. Spirits, why did everything have to be so complicated? "But, I can't do anything about it. Not now." she heard herself say.
"I get it. Middle of a war, impending comet of doom..." Zuko began to explain. Katara shook her head. That wasn't it. Not entirely anyway.
"Everyone knows. It's obvious. Aang and I have a special relationship. I know he has feelings for me, and truth is...I have feelings for him too. I don't know how to label those feelings or explain them. I just know I've always wanted to protect him. He's been my mission for the past year. Starting out, Sokka and I were all he had. To take away his dreams and hopes for the future...I just can't do that. Not now. He can't find out about last night." Katara explained.
Zuko nodded stiffly. So this was about Aang. He should have known.
"I can't break his heart, Zuko. Not when he has the weight of the world on his back. Right now, it doesn't matter what I want." she continued sadly.
"What do you want?" Zuko asked bluntly, turning his head to face her. Katara was silent for a minute.
"I asked you last night, what do you want to do if the war ended today? You said you would find your mother." Katara said quietly. Zuko nodded. "If you asked me the same question...I...I would say I want go back to the North Pole. I want to see my gran-gran again. I want to rebuild the home I love. I want to be surrounded by my family and...heal my heart, Zuko. I've seen...so much. I've felt so much pain. I've seen men die in front of me. I've seen children fight in a war. I've watched friends I knew and loved die at the hands of monsters..." A sob caught in her throat. Zuko said nothing. He just listened intently.
"Right now, I want to protect my family, our little group, no matter what happens." Katara finished. "That includes you. And Aang and Sokka and Toph and Suki. And if putting my own feelings aside is what it takes to protect Aang, at least for right now, then I need to do it." So that was it. Katara wasn't planning on giving her heart to Aang, she was just protecting him. Like she always did. She was a giver, and gave out more than she took in. Zuko did not want to be one of those things in her life that took.
"Katara, I'm not asking you for anything. What I'm most worried about is losing the friendship...relationship...um, bond that we have. It's one of the few beautiful sincere real things I've experienced in my life. I don't want you to put yourself under any pressure, though" Zuko explained. All of it was true. He didn't know what he'd do without her. Katara looked at him with hope in her eyes.
"I don't want to lose what we have either" she told him. Zuko took a deep breath. Time for some brutal honesty.
"I don't think you're being fair to yourself or to Aang. By holding back your true feelings you're not protecting him, you're just hurting yourself. You need to be honest" Zuko said.
"How can I be honest when I don't even know what I feel?" Katara asked, her voice raising slightly. "I'm just...confused. All I know is that I can't hurt Aang. Not before he fights the Fire Lord. Not when the hope of the world is on his shoulders."
"So...do you want us to just continue like nothing happened?" Zuko asked. Katara shook her head and looked down at her hands.
"La, no! I...spirits, I don't know, Zuko." Katara said. She was getting worked up and Zuko could sense the amount of stress and pressure she was putting herself under. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. The next sentence was hard to get out.
"We can be friends, and if the time ever comes when we can change that and...be more, then we'll cross that bridge when we get there." Zuko said simply. Katara stared over the railing to the ocean in the distance. What Zuko said made sense, so why did it make her heart hurt? She had never felt more conflicted in her life.
"Is...is that ok? Is that what you want?" Zuko asked after she had been silent for a few minutes.
"No, it's not" Katara said as she locked her eyes onto his. She saw such intensity there, and such fear. He was afraid of rejection. She did not want to reject him. She broke the gaze and leaned her head against his shoulder. "But sometimes we don't always get what we want." Zuko reached over and grabbed her hand. Time to set the ground rules for this totally-not-platonic-non-relationship.
"So, is this still ok?" he whispered to her as his thumb brushed softly over fingers. She gave his hand a tight squeeze.
"I think so" she said. He turned to her and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. She surrendered to his touch and leaned fully against him as a sigh escaped her lips.
"How about hugs?" he asked as he buried his nose in her chestnut hair.
"When we need one" she whispered in his ear. He pulled back and brushed the hair out of her face. He slowly leaned forward, giving her the option to back away if she wanted. She didn't move and he pressed a soft kiss to her temple.
"How about that?" he asked as he pulled away slightly.
"That's walking the edge, but appropriate for special occasions" she replied softly.
"And this?" Zuko asked. He might not get another chance for a long time, and he leaned forward slowly, once again giving her the option to back away from him if she wanted. Instead of backing away she leaned up into the kiss. His lips were gentle and the kiss was full of a mixture of sadness and longing. It was brief and all too soon Katara felt him back away. She couldn't stop the tiny tear that slipped down her cheek. She knew the past 24 hours would run on a loop in her head for the foreseeable future.
"I think...I think we'd better not do that" she whispered as she leaned her forehead against his.
"Then let's hurry up and end this war so you can change your mind" Zuko joked (half-joked) ruefully.
"Good plan. I don't know why I didn't think of it" Katara laughed. He stood up and offered a hand to her. She took it gratefully and he pulled her up. Zuko still felt like he owed the world a debt. Training the avatar and losing his home was his penance, and he would pay it gratefully. More than anything else in the world he wanted to do the right thing, finally. For the world, and now for Katara.
If that meant waiting, then he would wait. He hoped Uncle would be proud.