Memories of Children

Upon the signal to get up, Gabrielle carefully secured Dawn into the baby carrier on her back as the others got to their feet. They continued their march toward Arcadia. It was their assumption that Callisto and Velasca would attack again.

"How are you doing?" queried Xena, directing her concerned glance at the bard.

Tersely, she answered, "Fine."

Xena raised a disbelieving eyebrow. Gabrielle's eyes watered, because she knew the truth of their situation, "My baby has been in the world for a couple days. In those two days, there have been multiple attempts to murder her. Two gods tried to burn her to death no more than a couple hours ago. I am not fine." Gabrielle's tears began to fall. "What kind of life does she have with me? Death at every corner. She doesn't deserve that, and yet I don't know when the next dagger, or fireball will come for her. Can we defend her forever?"

"You damn well know that I'm going to try."

"Think of Hercules. He defied Hera for years, but one day Hera just killed all his children, and his wife. His children would probably be living right now were it not for the death sentence pronounced by a god." Gabrielle's face was red, and covered with salty water.

"That's why I sent Solan to live with the Centaurs."

"It's not the same Xena!"

Xena put her hand on Gabrielle's shoulder, "I know. I didn't want him living on a battlefield. I've been there, I understand. But I'm going to tell you something else and you listen to me, very closely. Doomed people, often hasten their fate. If you believe she is doomed, you might as well make an altar, and ask forgiveness from Hera as she burns the baby alive."

Gabrielle slapped Xena across the face with all her might.

Xena touched her face, rubbing away with the pain. "That's what I thought. You don't want her to die. You love and what her to live. So here is what you do, you tell yourself, that there is a victory, not a defeat. That you will save your child, and defeat the gods. You don't just tell yourself Gabrielle, but you believe it. You believe it harder than you've ever believed in anything, or anyone, even me. If you do that, we shall save her."

Gabrielle's tears began to dry up. "Thank you Xena. I'm sorry that I slapped you."

"Gabrielle." Xena's hand again rested on the bard's shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "If you had not slapped me, I would have been far more worried about you."

Gabrielle smiled brightly; a different sort of tear now appeared on her face. One of happiness. "Xena, I love you."

The pair stopped walking, long enough to exchange a deep, warm hug. Behind Gabrielle, she heard the baby coo, as if she was responding to her mother's overwhelming emotion. They pulled back, and stared into each other's eyes if only for a moment, feeling the love that each had for one another.

Hercules saw the whole thing and heard enough of the conversation to remember his own pain. Iolaus asked, "Does it help that you have a child again?"

"No."

Puzzled, Iolaus gave him a look of surprise.

With a broken voice, Hercules spoke, "It does not help… because when I see Dawn, I am reminded of everything that happened. Every happy moment with my three wonderful children, and my wife. Every day Iolaus, I just want to scoop them up and give them a hug. I want to play with them. I want to guide and instruct them. I want to see them, and I want to hear them. I can't play with them, I can't see them, I can't hear them. I can remember it all, and my muscles ache with the desire to hold them. I dream of them, alive again, and wake up see they are not there. My children, I want more than anything for them to be back. I love Dawn, she is beautiful, and it does make me happy to see her face, or hold her. But it can't replace what I lost. It doesn't make me stop missing them. Worse, I see all their faces when I see her, and that is more painful than anything that any man, monster, or god has ever done to me."

Hercules looked to distract himself, and saw Joxer, who was clearly a bit shaken. "Surely, you've been through worse?"

Joxer replied, "Yea… One time I got captured by Callisto, and hung over spikes. Another time, I was shot by an arrow by one of Callisto's men. I also got punched in the face by Xena, while she was in Callisto's body."

Iolaus looked Joxer in the eyes, with a dead serious expression. "Here's some advice. Stay away from Callisto."

"Well, I keep running into her." Said Joxer.

Hercules patted him on the back, "Well, you've got a way with women… it's obvious to everyone."

"When I met Gabrielle, she beat me up. Xena's beat me up. Callisto's beat me up. I just sorta…" Joxer trailed off.

"Maybe one day you'll meet the right woman, who you won't mind so much if she hits you."

Joxer suddenly started acting shy.

"What is it?"

"Hercules, you and Gabrielle… I don't want to pry."

Hercules nodded, "I don't remember a thing. Neither of us were in control."

"I see. She's a wonderful girl. I hope you would treat her right."

"I would always treat her right, but we're not like that… it's just the way things went."

Joxer mused, "All the same, she's very alone. Dawn is your child too, maybe you can help Gabrielle. I heard what you said to Iolaus."

"She's had a child for a few days, and I… I had children for years. Joxer." Hercules lovingly put his arm around Joxer in a way that almost forced every ounce of air out of Joxer's body. "You're wiser than you look."

Hercules approached Gabrielle, "Can I hold her?"

"Yes… of course. You're the father."

Gabrielle stood still, while Hercules released the baby from her carrier. Hercules rocked the child gently, touching her lips with his finger. "She is beautiful."

"Yes… she is. Hercules… If we can't get ahold of that dagger, would caves be enough to stop them."

"Callisto and Velasca are new gods. If we collapsed the caves on them just right, they would be contained. A god's power grows with experience. However, Gabrielle… That trick won't work on Hera."

"Oh…" Gabrielle's face cast towards the ground.

"Gabrielle, I'm going to stop Hera. I promise you, Dawn will grow up. If I have to… I'll make sure my step mother can never threaten her again."

Gabrielle smiled, just slightly. "I believe in you Hercules. I know that you will fight to save my daughter from that cruel bitch."

"I think she's pooped."

Gabrielle was about to take Dawn, but Hercules quietly stopped her. "I've done a lot with my other children. It gets simple after a while."

Gabrielle watched, as he changed Dawn's nappy, cleaned her carefully, and applied a new one. Expert hands, that only an active and experience parent would have. "Gabrielle, soon you will do just as well. But, I'll be there if you'll have me."

"Of course. Hercules, I want you there. I think she'll want you there too. She'll need a father."

Hercules smiled, "That means so much to me."

Iolaus was now beside Xena, as they watched Hercules with the baby. "It's sweet isn't it?"

"Yes." Answered Xena.

"When Hera murdered his children, it almost destroyed the good man that was Hercules. Even so, it's a daily torment for him. I think Dawn will allow him to heal some."

"He won't heal completely, one never does. Dawn will give him joy, but his memories will always be there." Xena knew this, because she too… Solan. She had to give him up when he was so little. Even though her son was alive, she could understand Hercules, because she missed his whole life. She would love more than anything to go back and live with him and raise him. But that decision was made and can't ever be unmade. "Being a parent, Iolaus, especially for someone like me, or Hercules, just seems to be pain. We love our children, and because of that, it becomes our greatest hurt. I will do anything to spare Gabrielle the pain that she would go through if her baby was taken from her, or killed. Anything. Even beyond my personal rules. Gabrielle does not deserve to suffer that way, and that child. She deserves to live."

Iolaus nodded. "Me too… until my last breath."