Stained Glass Ceilings

Joey Sharkbait

2020

[Soundtrack: "Stained Glass Ceilings" by The Wonder Years]

It took us a day to get back to the abandoned demon slayer's village. My old village. I was bitter the whole time.

All the memories came flooding back, for better or worse, the moment I stepped over the threshold and entered the perimeter of the village. I fell to my knees in tears, the image of my father burned into the backs of my eyelids.

"Make me proud, my son."

Father, I have failed you.

You died of my hand.

I punched the ground beside me and cried out in agony, tears streaming down my face. Another person cursed my memory, my sister, Sango.

Her unforgettable face still haunted me; she was the angel of my nightmares. I couldn't save her this time. I had a chance to redeem myself after she saved me, like she always did; I blew that chance.

Sango was likely still with him, in his clutches. The thought made my blood boil with anger and invited the icy sensations of fear and guilt into my heart. Naraku was the reason for all of this! All of my suffering—and my sister's—was due to him! We fought so hard… and it was not enough, still.

Kagura was gone, too. Probably back with Naraku as well. Where ever they all were. Over the past twenty-four hours, my memories slowly began to integrate into my being in a rough timeline. Things would probably still take a while to sort out and piece together. I remembered Kagura as an ally; she had always helped me on "missions" (slaughtering in the name of Naraku…) and had defended me a few times to Naraku; those instances of defense, I was previously unaware of. Kagura cared for Sango, too, it seemed.

At least Sango is probably with her…

Rouge. I thought of the newly-dead fire demon. I had no quarrel with her that I could remember, short of this strange memory I have of her blaming me for a swarm of bees. We traveled north together with Naraku and Kanna… murdering, pillaging… all so Naraku could get his greedy hands on more sacred jewel shards.

The memories of that trip that were slowly coming back to me made me sick. I had done things that no one should be proud of. I was only thirteen and could be fairly certain within the privacy of my broken mind that my kill count rivaled that of somewhere between my sister's and Inuyasha's. Another memory from my northern excursion bled into my consciousness; I briefly remembered drinking alcohol with Rouge, for the first time in my life.

"Kid, you threw up everything but your memories… Wait…"

I almost laughed at the comedic irony of the late demon's words. I threw up instead, right at the village entrance.

"They can't be far… what if Kagura just got her directions mixed up?"

"No; technically her directions were correct. And I doubt she knew it was a phantom castle. From what little I could tell, she was just as shocked as the rest of us."

"And Kohaku was not aware either…"

"He's not aware of a lot of things!"

"Shut up, Inuyasha!"

"Eat my ass, Shippo!"

"Inuyasha, sit!"

Crash!

I opened my eyes, looking around the darkness. I was in my old bedroom at my home in the slayer village. From what I could see, the house was not in the best shape. A small hole was in the corner of the ceiling, allowing the moonlight a glimpse inside. I was still so tired but I kind of wanted to hear what they were saying.

These were my sister's companions. I knew that much. I vaguely remembered fighting them all at various times. Inuyasha, the silver-haired half-demon; Miroku, the monk with the cursed hand; Kagome, the priestess reincarnate; and Shippo, the orphaned fox demon. I felt something small and warm at my side and looked down to see Kirara snuggled up against me. I remembered her—my sister's loyal demon cat. I stroked Kirara's head and laid back down, trying to remain quiet.

"You two are going to wake him up with your antics!" warned Miroku.

"Sorry!" apologized Kagome.

"Hmmf!" was Inuyasha's short response.

They were quiet for a moment. Inuyasha broke the silence with a sigh. "We failed again. I really thought we had him this time! And Sango… we were supposed to rescue her." The hanyou sounded sad.

"She didn't look good," stated Kagome.

"She's been Naraku's captive for about a month now," said Miroku, a somber note in his voice. "I really hope nothing terrible has happened to her."

"Me too…" the fox chimed in.

I rolled over on my side and held Kirara close to my chest. The little cat nuzzled in the crook of my neck and purred. The neko's actions brought a small amount of comfort to me. I was unsure of the details of Sango's plight at Naraku's castle, but I know that her stay had been far from pleasant. My entire life (from what I can piece together, anyway), I had always seen her as a guardian, a defender. She was an unstoppable force. She was never super outgoing or overtly happy and enthusiastic but now she had this aura of sadness about her and the smallest note of fear in her eyes. It made me sad.

"Like I said, we failed," reiterated Inuyasha, "But we can't give up yet. Naraku can't hide forever. We will find him eventually. I just hope it's sooner as opposed to later. For Sango's sake."

"It's not a complete failure, Inuyasha," stated Kagome.

"Why is that?"

"We got Kohaku back," said the miko; I could sense a small cheerfulness in her words. I smiled a little. "And he is no longer under Naraku's control."

Inuyasha laughed a little. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Sango would consider that a win for sure," said Miroku. His words sounded slightly more uplifted than before. "Kagura also has her heart…"

"Which means she also is no longer under Naraku's control," added Kagome.

"I'll take it as another small victory," said Miroku. "I think it's safe to say she's on our side. She fought Naraku hard."

"It's a shame that fire demon had to die." Kagome sounded a little sad now. "I think her name was Rouge?"

"Yeah," mused Inuyasha. "She was strong, just like Kagura told us. She could have been a powerful ally."

"Indeed," agreed Miroku.

Silence fell upon them again. This time, the quiet was broken by Shippo.

"I really hope Sango's ok," he said. "And Kagura, too, I guess."

"Me too, Shippo," said Inuyasha.

That night I dreamt of demons and jewel shards; chaos and destruction. In my mind, I woke up in a cold stream, surrounded by empty sake bottles. Rouge stood at the riverbank, shaking her head at me as she vanished in a purple flame.

[Sango's point of view.]

Where am I? It's so cold...

I rolled over on my back and opened my eyes. I feel terrible… I put a hand to my forehead, and squinted in relative darkness. I had no idea how long I was asleep for and I could not tell if it was approaching dusk or dawn; the low gray clouds above truly confused me at the moment. I was in a courtyard, Naraku's courtyard… What in the hell happened? I racked my brain trying to remember the events that led up to the here and now.

Was it just a dream?

I remembered my friends laying siege to the castle, breaking Rouge out of her cell, breaking into Naraku's locked room… the battle with Naraku… freeing Rouge's trapped soul, Kohaku's mind, and Kagura's heart…

Kagura!

Kagura was lying next to me, unmoving; Rouge was lying a few paces away from us, covered in blood. The rest of the night began replaying in my mind: Rouge's battle with Naraku… Sadness struck me. Rouge's death… A storm of miasma…

Kohaku was nowhere to be found. I remembered feeling him falling away from me as I lost consciousness during the miasma purge. I think he actually escaped… That was one relief, at least.

I gently shook Kagura by her shoulders. She didn't move. Please don't be dead! Not you, too... I put my index and middle fingers on Kagura's neck, checking for a pulse. Relief washed over me briefly, upon realization that Kagura was still alive. And she has a heartbeat… I was able to smile just a little. I crawled over to Rouge's body. Part of me could not believe she was dead.

Rouge was extremely pale, and some of her veins were visible in her face and arms; dried blood covered her stomach and chest, clearly from the stab wound just below her heart. I turned away from the corpse and looked around the courtyard, searching for any sign of Naraku. Nothing. A renewed sense of failure and fear washed over me.

We didn't escape.

The fear and impending anxiety created a horrid mess in my insides. I crawled away from Rouge and Kagura and emptied the contents of my stomach. Shaking and feeling disgusted with myself and the situation I was now in, I wiped my mouth on my arm and looked forebodingly back toward the castle in front of me. Lightning struck overhead and I could see it curve the sky unnaturally. The barrier is up...

I crawled back to Kagura and shook her shoulders with a little more force than last time. "Kagura…" I really did not want to be alone right now. It was only a matter of time before we were discovered. Fear gripped me and I tried so hard not to shake. "Kagura!"

The wind sorceress' eyes fluttered open, revealing her beautiful ruby irises. Kagura looked around sleepily and sat up, rubbing her head. "What…?" She did a double take as she scanned the area, an alarmed look taking over her features. "Don't even tell me…!"

"We're still here…" I said quietly; my voice broke a little. Be brave, Sango… be brave… I grabbed Kagura's hand and squeezed it tight. In the back of my mind, fleeting ideas of what Naraku would do to us for the failed invasion and escape attempt began to torment me.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Kagura punched the ground. In doing so, she sent a small gust of wind out; the force gently bent back nearby tufts of grass.

"Kagura…"

"Sango…" Kagura sighed and stood up. She offered me her hands. As per usual, I accepted her assistance.

We stood in the once beautiful courtyard, examining the barren wasteland it now was. It was too quiet. The air was deathly still. I spotted Rouge's sword sticking out of the ground, about two yards away from us. I walked over to it and pulled it out of the earth, examining the craftsmanship of the weapon for the first time. It truly was a beautiful blade. Silver with a golden hilt. A heart-shaped yin-yang was emblazoned there, matching the symbol on Rouge's forehead.

I turned to Kagura. "She deserves a proper burial. She died a hero."

Kagura nodded in agreement.

We spent the next few hours digging a grave by hand.

We were lucky enough that there was already a large enough hole in the ground to start with, so we just made that the basis for the makeshift grave. Part of me felt sickened that Rouge had to be buried here of all places. No one deserved to be laid to rest in such an evil place. Kagura threw the last of the dirt over Rouge's grave then sat behind me, her back to mine, catching her breath.

"My heart's racing," Kagura breathlessly stated, "is that normal?"

"Yes," I answered, wiping the sweat from my brow. "We just buried a person."

"Right."

I was so tired and sore. I mentally cursed myself for the aches and pains; I did not even really fight in the battle yesterday and therefore had no right to feel as such! I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes, leaning my head back against Kagura's shoulder. Cherry blossoms and pine… Even in the wretched afterbirth of battle and the grime and dirt post-grave-digging, I still found comfort in Kagura's scent.

I slowly stood up and stretched. Kagura followed suit, handing me Rouge's sword. I took the weapon in my hands and did my best to wipe off the blade. I turned to Rouge's grave and bowed, the weapon outstretched in my arms.

"Rouge," I began, "when we met, we were enemies, under false pretense. It was an honor to fight against and eventually alongside you." An uninvited sadness crept up my spine, settling in my brain and hijacking my emotions. "You may not have made the best decisions or always had the best intentions. In this lifetime, at least. Who were you before? What would you have become? Your short life was interrupted so violently, twice… But it should not matter how you lived; not really. You died a hero." I bit back tears, realizing that this very well could have been my fate instead. "May you rest and find peace in the embrace of your ancestors. You are with your sister now." I stood up and stuck the blade into the ground, marking the fire demon's grave.

I let go of the handle and stared at the gravesite before me. Hot tears soon blurred my vision and I felt a new heaviness in my heart that I did not know existed. I wept for the young fire demon, who was resurrected to kill in the name of misguided vengeance; a victim of a murder most brutal. I wept as we shared a parallel story. Rouge died alone the second time. Rouge never got her vengeance.

The sky opened up and cold, heavy rain fell down on us. Kagura put her arms around me from behind and rested her chin on my shoulder. I looked up at the sky, damning the powers that be for all that was wrong with the world. All that was wrong with my world. Why did this young soul have to leave the earth so tragically and so soon? Why were we stuck here? What would happen to us? Would I see my brother and my friends again?

Rouge's death really bothered me. She fought to the very end. She died twice, and was so very young each time. Kagura revealed to me that Rouge mentioned the night we guarded her cell that she thought she may have been pregnant with Yokama's child at the time of her original death. That thought made my heart even heavier with grief. Naraku was absolutely unforgivable.

The fire demon was abrasive and rash; at times her temper and insults reminded me of Inuyasha. Rouge was foolish and immature. She was young and careless. Rouge wore her heart on her sleeve and at the end, she fought in the name of her wrongfully slain ancestors and fallen comrades. Rouge's tragic, heroic death brought her honor in my eyes. An honor that would redeem her aforementioned shortcomings. Rouge never got a chance to grow up.

Rouge died alone and no one short of us would ever know her name. Rouge died the last of her people; she was a small spark that was stamped out prematurely by a power-hungry megalomaniac of a demon. I could have died the last of my people—I thought I did at first. Until Kohaku's escape last night, I was almost certain I would be the last demon slayer to walk the earth. And the last one to die.

Alone and unnamed. Alone and unwanted.

Rouge's bones would soon rot away and turn to ash; her grave had a high likelihood of being robbed. Her elegant sword would be the first to be pilfered. No one would come visit her or give prayers and offerings. No one knew her in the end.

Her death was caught like gravel in my skinned knee, like the dirt and grime and glass infecting the various cuts on my body. The wound would close eventually; but this day would always mark a personal reminder of how fucked this world can be.

Rouge's young, laughing face invaded my memory. I fell asleep while she was telling stories the night Kagura and I acted as her guards. She was in the middle of telling some drunken tale of debauchery and demonic mischief from when she and her companions visited a wealthy town and were mistaken as elemental gods and goddess. The townspeople offered them the finest food and drinks available. Rouge's sister, Ami, found them and put a fast stop to their nonsense; the elder demon had apparently berated them all and comically beaten them up for taking advantage of the villagers.

At least she got to live a little, I suppose.

But it still was not fair.

Rouge confessed she dreamed of travel, maybe even leaving the country one day. Her plan with Yokama was to start a new clan in another region, or on another continent. I too dreamed of travel. But my dream had already come true to an extent. I got to travel and embark on many adventures with my friends. As a child, these adventures were fairytales I dreamed of and longed for; never in my wildest dreams would I ever think I would live them out… and they usually turned out to be nightmares in real life.

"Sango," Kagura said my name softly. She held me close, her arms wrapped protectively around my middle. I felt so weak and vulnerable, crying over a dead demon, finding solace in the arms of the wind sorceress who was formerly my enemy. In the middle of Naraku's deadened courtyard…

Rouge got to live out every little girl's adolescent whims of falling for a handsome young man, at least. I still failed to fully comprehend the aging of demons and "yokai years" versus "human years". Anecdotally from Kagura's limited knowledge and Inuyasha and Shippo's failed attempts to explain to Miroku, Kagome, and I, I estimated that ten human years was a rough approximation to one demon life year. Kagura said Rouge was "only" one-hundred forty-three; this put her just beyond fourteen years old if she were human.

She was so young.

But she at least got to live a little.

I reminded myself of the sentiment again. My thoughts circled back to conversations with Kagome and the relative safety of the future from which she came. Even I could still barely be considered a child in Kagome's future time, in most parts of the world.

We were really all just some unfortunate kids, maybe.

But I think it goes beyond that. We were all unfortunate kids forced to grow up too soon. I had not really felt like a child since before I joined the ranks of the demon slayers. It was always training and discipline; protect my brother, protect myself, make my family proud.

What a piss poor excuse of pride I had grown into.

I was able to push away my own thoughts of self-loathing and failure; they were only replaced, however, by the muddy grave and rain-washed sword before me.

If there was a heaven, I hoped Rouge was beginning her ascent. But I did not feel confident enough in my several flirtations with death that there was such a thing. The metaphorical demons below and the harsh memories that no doubt marked Rouge's soul—just as mine had been marked, I'd feared—probably kept her down; she would stay in the dirt, where she belonged. (Where I belonged…).

They're cutting your wings off…

I remembered Rouge's body falling from the rooftop, dead and cold, but free from Naraku's grasp.

Maybe I could have done something…

The young demon's smile pervaded my memory.

Maybe I could have made a difference…

I grabbed Kagura's hands and held them tightly. She could be the difference I've made, I suppose… and Kohaku… my brother was free, at least.

I dreaded what was to become of us, though. Kagura and I, that is.

We had nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide. It was only a matter of time.