Ah. Finally.

Chapter 21 - Fiyr

When the Riviens are gone, a cold feeling settles over me.

Despite my gratitude to them and the hovering feeling that I might not have made it out of that battle if it weren't for a few choice interventions by their knights, I can't help being acutely aware of how they were close enough to help in the first place. They didn't just hear the battles for miles away. A dozen battle-ready knights were close by. They were going to come take Graie's son and daughter by force. We've bought ourselves another week, maybe, but if King Crukkedaro was ready to renege on his agreement to allow the queen until the next solstice to give her answer, I don't doubt he'll be back.

Riviens aside, though, Thundria has greater problems. One problem, and he's standing on our dais, his uniform ripped up and his left eye streaking blood. How did that happen?

"Then you will be exiled," the queen announces. "And may the Starlaxi have mercy on your soul."

A breath that I've been holding for a decade finally, finally leaves my body. It's over.

Sir Cawle huffs what might be a laugh, and steps down from the dais. The court ripples as we all take a step back from him. He swings his head from side to side, taking us all in.

"Don't think this is the end," he says. Menace glitters in his eye as I meet his stare. "I will be king. And I promise that any who choose to follow me now will be well looked after."

I wonder for a moment if anyone will follow him. When no one speaks, Sir Cawle begins again.

"Goldanna?"

She stands in the nursery's doorway, hands curled protectively over her stomach. "Get out of my sight. You have betrayed us all and I'd die before I follow you into darkness."

I'm a little impressed by her words, but I can't help fearing for the children in her stomach. How are they going to survive growing up in a court that knew their father to be a tyrant?

Sir Cawle nods, his expression unreadable. "Darriek?"

Sir Styrp looks horrified. He takes a step back, recoiling from this man he's followed at every turn, and says, "You would collude with that tyrant? I… No, Tigre!"

He shrugs. "I did what I had to. Liang?"

"You tried to kill the queen!" Liang exclaims, shrinking away from Sir Cawle like he's a wild animal. "Leave the court and don't come back."

Coward. I wonder how truthful Liang and Darriek are being. They've supported him in everything. I don't believe for a second that Tigre didn't tell Darriek, at least, his plans. Does he want spies? Is this a performance? I'll have to keep an eye on the two of them.

"Duss?" Sir Cawle extends a hand to the young knight. "You've always had strength meant for greater things than serving this pathetic kingdom. Come with me and I promise—"

"Fuck off," Duss snarls. His voice trembles as he says, "I respected you—I wanted to be like you. And you killed Sir Tayle, tried to kill the queen… Who's going to be next? Get out."

That one, I believe. Despite the gravity of the situation, I can't help a grim smile at Duss's words. Finally. They see through his lies. This is his come-uppance.

Sir Cawle huffs again, then a real chuckle builds in his chest until he lets out a raucous roar of laughter. "I see! I see. Very well. Then I'll be back one day to make you all regret the choice you've made today."

"You need to leave," Samn says, deadly quiet. A silent 'before I killyou' echoes in my head as I watch her. This has all unearthed her pain over losing Sir Tayle again, I know, and I can see in her eyes that she'd like nothing more than to take out his other eye with Sandstorm if he should be so unlucky as to give her a reason.

"I'll have my revenge," he promises, before turning and stalking toward the doors of the castle. The court flows around him, everyone in a hurry to get out of his way despite the fact that I'm quite sure he's not going to be doing anything in his current state.

He's too proud to let us see it, but I can tell that his leg has been hurt, possibly badly, and his gait is too slow to be natural. The court watches, completely silent, as he hauls open the doors, and disappears.

The doors close with the sound of a coffin being dropped into a grave. The dull thud is engraved into my memory, and I live in the moment for just a second longer before turning back to the queen.

The time has come for her to appoint a new captain of the guard; as per the code, she has until midnight, but we're all gathered already, so I would guess she's going to do it now. But I'm wrong; she just gives the court a hopeless look and turns around to limp back into her private chambers. Unfilled, the hole that Sir Cawle left gapes wide.

It's as if the court has sucked in a breath, and with the queen's disappearance, it is exhaled in conversations and disbelieving exclamations. It doesn't take long for me to realize that I can't bear to listen to everyone chatter about how unexpected this was, so I turn around and walk to the healer's wing. There's still a dull throb of pain in my head and the vision in my wounded eye is blurry. Yllowei told me to come back so she could have a look at it.

I don't find her, though; Cindra is the only person in the healer's wing. She's staring out the window, and I hesitate, wondering whether I should disturb her or not. This must all be weighing heavily on her, so soon after Sila's death, I think, but don't call out to her. I'll check in on her later. She might just need some time alone.

Instead, I check the Trace and follow Yllowei's trace out of the wing and toward the castle doors. I pull them open, blinking as the night air sweeps over me. I didn't realize it was getting so late, but the moon is already out. The queen doesn't have long before she needs to appoint the new captain.

I step out into the night, a warm breeze gusting over me, and peer through the moonlight in the direction that Yllowei's trace is coming from. I can just make out a figure in the faint light, and as I creep closer, stepping down onto the stone terrace, two more details present themselves. First, the stench-like trace of death. Someone died, and recently. And second, the sound of harsh, raspy sobs.

I freeze, feeling suddenly that I'm intruding, but my mind is racing ahead of me to piece it together.

Death. Yllowei. Crying.

Her son.

She killed Braukkin.

I press through the trace of death to find what's hiding under it and… his trace is already fading. The last imprint he'll ever leave on the fifth dimension, and it's beginning to weaken. I watch helplessly as Lady Fennen cries for him, then finally stumble backwards, pushing the castle doors open and retreating into the throne room.

When I'm back in the torchlight, the doors sealed shut in front of me, I realize my heart is racing. Sir Cawle is gone. Braukkin is dead. Is the queen going to punish Yllowei for killing him? She didn't say a word to anyone about it, as far as I know. I don't fault her, but at the same time… She decided to kill him and now he's dead. It's so simple, and yet so troubling for reasons I can't quite put my finger on. I guess it really is over. Now all that's left is for the queen to appoint someone captain so that things can finally go back to normal.

Just as I'm crossing the throne room to go find Graie and see how he's doing, Cindra bursts out of the nursery and limps with startling speed toward me, eyes wild.

"What's wrong?" I demand.

"Lady Flourer…" she pants. "Giving birth. Where's Lady Fennen?"

I'm too stunned to do anything more than point at the castle doors. Before I can warn her, Cindra peels away from my side and hurries out into the night to fetch her, her cane clacking on the stone with each step. I can only hope that Yllowei finished mourning her son in the minute it's been since I came back inside.

Tearing my eyes away from the front doors, I direct them toward the nursery instead. Faern, Sarola, Siotos, and Rhane are all being ushered out by Lady Fuor, presumably to make space for Lady Flourer. So soon after Tigre was exiled… I think of the soon-to-be-newborns pityingly. It's not going to be an easy road for them. The battle and Sir Cawle's unmasking… did it send her into an early labour? Silaverre's last convulsion flashes in my head.

The doors open once more and Cindra and Yllowei come through them, Cindra hurrying her mentor along much to Yllowei's chagrin. Braukkin's corpse is nowhere in sight. They disappear into the nursery and I'm more than happy to leave them to it. The memory of Silaverre isn't leaving.

It's what I remember most from a night that was mostly a blur—the last jerk of her body before it went limp. So unnatural. I shy away from the memory and turn my gaze to the stairs up the knight's wing. I still want to check on Graie—I don't doubt that he's also made the connection between the Riviens conveniently showing up and his two children.

I find him in his room. He wasn't badly wounded in the battle, but he's streaked with gray dust. Residue from using his life-force, I'd guess.

"Graie? Can I come in?" I ask softly from his doorway.

He turns to see me. After a moment, he nods and I move carefully through his room, then sit down on the bed next to him.

"How are you holding up?" I ask him.

He gives a bitter laugh. "Not better. I'm glad Sir Cawle's finally gone."

I nod, opening my mouth and then closing it again, feeling the enormous burden that hangs over us, unspeakable in its pain. The wound is too fresh. I don't even want to say her name.

"What about your kids? Have you decided how you're going to name them yet?" I ask.

He gives a single shake of his head, then pauses for so long that I'm not sure if he's going to say anymore. Finally, he speaks. "Probably won't be for their life-force, if my luck carries to them. She… she never told me the story of her demonstration."

His words are thick with grief and I want to say something to comfort him. There are no words, though.

"I can't stop thinking about everything that we missed out on together." His voice has softened to a whisper like he's trying not to cry, but he soldiers on. "Everything that was stolen from us for no reason at all. I just…" He shakes his head. "I just want to talk to her again."

I swallow, trying not to tear up too.

"And now Rivier is going to take my children from me too," he continues, his tone darkening. "I can't live without them, Fiyr, don't you understand?"

"I do," I promise him.

He shakes his head. "I'd… I'd do anything to keep them, but I know that the queen…" He lowers his head into his hands and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. "She has to do what she has to do. And so do I."

Even though I'm not quite sure what he's talking about at this point, I lay my hand on his shoulder and pull him closer to me. We stay close and trembling for a long time.

…

Eventually, Graie says he's going to try to get some sleep and after I agree that it's probably a good idea, I leave his room and head back down to the throne room. It's only then that I remember that Lady Flourer's giving birth.

Or rather, was, because the moment I'm down on the stone floor, I can hear the sounds of babies crying. It's coming from the healer's wing; Cindra and Yllowei must have moved her there during the labour. Curiosity overtaking me, I move into the doorway of the wing to see the new mother set up in one of the cots further from the entrance, two bundles securely in her arms with Cindra and Lady Fennen standing over her.

Cindra spots me and murmurs something to Lady Flourer, who answers her in a low tone, then Cindra waves me over.

"Would you like to meet them?" Goldanna asks me, smiling down at their upturned faces.

This is unexpected. I'm a little nervous around her considering the circumstances. The last woman to have just given birth I saw died so soon after… But looking down at the little babies, I can't help feeling my heart melt.

"Sure, I'd like that," I say, coming around the side of the bed to see them.

Despite their mother's deep brown, almost bronze, skin tone, darker than most Thundrians, the children are both pale brown. I'm not surprised, though; Sir Cawle was as pale as Thundrians come. Scrunched-shut eyes with dark lashes frame their two perfect little, flat noses and their mouths open and close as they snuffle and fuss.

"A boy and a girl," she tells me, raising them each a little in turn.

"Beautiful," I mumble, peering closer at them.

The boy has a little thatch of dark curls already, while his sister has the patchy hair colouring that marks her with the Blessing; some golden-blonde like her mother, and some dark like her brother. Her skin is also different, though I don't think it's a result of the Blessing. Around her eyes and mouth, it's paler, almost white, like paint. The patterning of the uncoloured skin is perfectly even on both sides, lending her the appearance of butterfly wings spread over her face.

"A harmless skin condition," Lady Fennen informs me in a raspy tone. "I knew a Shodawes who had the same, though it was less visible on his pale skin. They're both perfectly healthy."

I nod, relieved, my eyes sliding to Goldanna's face as I subconsciously wait for any sign that she's about to have a seizure. She's fine, though, looking down at her two children with pride in her eyes.

"You must be very proud," I finally say.

"I am." Her eyes glint with a fierce protectiveness that I'm glad to see. She'll protect them from whispers.

"Alright," Yllowei grunts. "Thank you for visiting but now you must go away."

Cindra gives me a half-smile at Lady Fennen's curt order, but I can see glimmering deep in her eyes that I wasn't the only one thinking of Silaverre when I look at Goldanna and her children. I try to put that understanding in my gaze as I nod at her, then to Lady Fennen, and leave the healer's wing.

As I return to the throne room, I see more and more of the court gathering. Even the elders have come out, standing together by the hallway to their wing. I don't know why; I haven't heard the queen's call, but then it hits me. It must be past midnight. Where's the queen? She has to appoint the new captain.

The seconds turn to the minutes and there's no sign of her. I shift uncomfortably and look around the throne room. Everyone seems to share my misgivings. I know there was something off about her when she exiled Sir Cawle but surely now he's gone and everything is going to be okay, isn't it? It was a shock, sure, but we did warn her.

Samn finds me in the crowd.

"How are you?" she asks, gesturing to my eye.

"Better than it looks, I think," I answer, ghosting my fingertips over the site of the injury. It's tender, but my vision has cleared considerably. I'm relieved to see that she doesn't look badly hurt, but I still have to ask, just in case. "How are you?"

She shrugs. "I didn't get hurt much. Sir Cawle was too occupied with trying to kill the queen and Cindra to bother swinging for me."

I raise an eyebrow. "Cindra?"

"Yeah, how'd you think his eye got fucked up?" She snorts when she sees my shock. "She put a cinder right through it. Did you teach her that?"

I shake my head, amazed. "No, I… have no idea where she learned that."

"Well, however she learned it, it worked. He didn't put up much of a fight after that." Her jaw tightens at the memory. "And now he's gone."

"Forever," I agree. "He can't hurt us now."

Samn gives me a doubtful look. "You heard him, though. This isn't the last we've seen of him."

I don't want to believe it, but in my heart, I know she's right. I saw the conviction burning in Sir Cawle. I know he's not the type to give up until he's got a crown or a grave.

"Who do you think the new captain will be?" I ask instead.

She blinks. "I honestly have no idea. It's… it's midnight, isn't it?"

I just nod.

She presses her lips together, looking worried, but quickly changes the subject. "I wanted to talk to you. After the queen's appointed the new captain, but… I… I feel like we need to talk."

Her words set me on edge, but I try to cover my nerves. "Sure."

I want to ask, but she's already fading back into the crowd, seeking out Briatte, and I fall silent. What could that be about? My paranoia says she's going to tell me we can't be close anymore, but the more rational side keeps those fears at bay. Somewhat, anyway, and she's given the paranoia plenty of time to turn the tables since there's still no sign of the queen.

Time stretches out, unbearable, as the door of the queen's chambers remains closed. I'm certain midnight has come and gone. It must be approaching dawn when the door opens.

The queen emerges. Her face is expressionless, though her eyes dart from side to side as if they're expecting an attack. Finally, she comes to a stop at the edge of the dais. I draw in a breath, and I can almost feel everyone else in the court doing the same.

"Thundria."

The word drops like a stone into a pool, rippling over us.

"The new captain of the guard…"

She trails off, leaving us all in suspension, seemingly without realizing. Her eyes seek out mine in the crowd, so blankly blue that I wonder if she recognizes me at all, before they move on, seeking out another.

"The new captain of the guard of Thundria," she begins again, voice hoarse, "will be Samn Schorme."

And then she turns around and retreats back into her private chambers.

We are all silent for a moment, before Sir Strommer breaks it, giving Samn congratulations. I add my voice to his, feeling strangely out of place. Like for a moment, we've jerked off our trajectory, and been set in motion on some new track.

Samn doesn't even attempt a smile, looking completely taken off-guard. Another few people toss out their congratulations, but they seem to bounce right off her. Finally, people begin to retreat to the knight's wing, the nursery, the squire's wing, and the elder's wing. Samn and I are left standing alone in the throne room.

"Well. Now that the queen's appointed the new captain, do you want to talk?" I don't know if I'm trying to make a joke or not, but either way it comes out flat.

Samn looks at me, and for a moment I see past the shock. She looks terrified. I look up at the high roof, the distant torches, the blood splattered on the floor, and know that we can't stay here.

"Come on. I know a good place."

…

We go up to the north tower.

It's a hot summer night, so this time I don't need to summon fire to warm us, but I don't think Samn notices. She tucks her arms around herself, a faraway look in her eye.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" I prompt her.

She shakes her head. "It seems so… so silly now. I can't… I'm the captain of the guard."

"You are," I agree.

"Do you think she made the wrong choice?"

I'm surprised by the question and by the intensity of her gaze, but the answer comes to me easily. "No. You're young, sure, but you're smart and brave and loyal, which is more than can be said for the last captain."

She nods, drinking in my words like they're water to a dying man. "And the court? Will they accept me?"

"Who cares?" I force a smile, and as soon as it breaks over my face, it becomes genuine. "The queen is the only one that matters. They'll grow to respect you. Even Darriek."

She snorts. "Doubt it."

I shrug. "You never know."

Samn sighs, then looks out into the starry sky. I'm a bit nervous to hear her next words, but all she says is, "I'm worried about the queen."

"Me too," I admit softly. "She's just shocked from Sir Cawle, though, isn't she? She'll be back to normal soon and you two will prove Thundria a force to be reckoned with."

Samn snorts again, but I nudge her.

"I'm serious. King Naitienne better look out."

She laughs and relief swells in my chest. If she can laugh, then maybe we're all going to be okay. I laugh too, mostly out of giddiness, then say, "But really, what did you want to talk with me about?"

Her laughter subsides, leaving a crooked smile in its place. She looks at me, measuring, or maybe waiting. Always calculating.

"I…" She hesitates. "Briatte and I were just coming back from hunting and I heard the shouts, so I ran into the throne room to start fighting and… I saw you get hit. And then I saw Sir Cawle pretending to fight the mercenaries and I knew I had to protect the queen, but leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done."

I suddenly can't seem to remember how to breathe as she swallows, her jaw flickering as she works out her next words like they're a puzzle.

"I wanted to… it's just that, after Lady Strime died so suddenly…" When I flinch at the mention, her eyes fill with horror. "Oh no, I knew I shouldn't mention her!"

I shake my head. "It's—just keep talking."

Samn seems very nervous, suddenly, her eyes darting over me. Still evaluating, still trying to guess what's going to happen next, as she says, "In the battle, I realized that if anything happened, I wouldn't want… it to happen without telling you something first. I… I care about you. Deeply."

At the words, some kind of dam breaks in my chest, and it seems so ridiculous, all of it. That we've been wasting time, that we've been lying to each other and looking away, that I haven't told her just how deeply she's gotten to me, that she's still uncertain. Graie's words echo in my head, I can't stop thinking about everything that we missed out on together. Even with the massive differences in our situations, a thread of truth runs through everyone's life. We only have so long. And I'm not wasting any more time. I laugh.

"Fuck that."

Terror lights her gaze and I grab her hands.

"I love you. I'd have to be crazy not to, but then again, I feel crazy half the time," I tell her, the words pouring out like a flood. "I love you so much that sometimes I think I'm going to cry. And I'm glad you're scared for me, because I'm scared for you. Always. I—I know this isn't the greatest time, because we can't seem to be free of some kind of trouble, but I have to say it. Because it's true. I love you, I love you, I love you, and I want to be with you forever."

I run out of breath and then she kisses me.

Relief shines through me, radiant as the sun, and I press myself to Samn, my fingers tangling in her hair. My cheeks are wet—one of us is crying. It doesn't matter which, not anymore, because she has me and I have her. Eventually, we separate and I regard her, unable to help the joy that overflows in my chest. I know tears are still pooled in my eyes, but somehow, I start to laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" Samn exclaims, but the insecurity and fear from minutes before has been replaced with adoration and peace.

"I'm just… so relieved." I can't explain it, not really, but I still try for her sake. "I—" My voice starts to quaver as the tears spill over my lashes. "I just love you so much."

Then it's her turn to laugh, and she hugs me tight to her, finally murmuring, "I love you too." She pauses for a long time, and I think I can feel her heart beating. Maybe it's my own. "I—I'm worried. And I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I know that I love you."

"Then everything's going to be okay," I whisper back.

~Akila