Wally West was bored. Bored was an understatement. He was going out of his mind with boredom. He was on day six of his mandatory bed rest for his stupid knee. He threw the red and white swirled bouncy ball up in the air and caught it again. Normally, he'd already be up and moving, but after his series of disastrous decisions that got him into this predicament, he agreed to rest for the full week. Even though his knee felt fine. It wasn't even swollen anymore. It only hurt now if he turned it the wrong way too quickly.

He had expressed that opinion to Artemis yesterday, and the glare she leveled at him was enough for Wally to agree to behave. There was a tenuous peace at best after their latest fight. Fighting was hardly a new phenomenon for their relationship. Some of their worst fights had led to some of their best times, but this time Artemis seemed deeply bothered by something. Only, Wally had no idea what it was.

No matter what he suggested about their wedding, she balked. She had no interest in planning anything or contributing to the discussions. He finally decided just to book The Charlton, a gorgeous country club just outside of the city limits to secure a date for the summer, and then she got upset with him for not consulting her. He threw the red ball harder into the air. He tried talking about these things with her, but she closed off every time. It felt like she didn't even want to get married! She asked him! For crying out loud!

The red ball bounced off the ceiling from the force of his throw and ricocheted onto the counter of the kitchen. Annoyed, Wally picked up his phone and texted Dick.

I'm booooooorrrrreeeeeedddddd.

The reply was near instantaneous.

Hi booooooorrrrreeeeeedddddd, I'm Richard. Nice to meet you.

That joke stopped being funny in like 3rd grade.

We didn't know each other in 3rd grade.

Exactly. It hasn't been funny since I've known you.

Are you trying to tell me I'm not funny? Excuse you. I'm hilarious.

You're in a good mood?

No reply came through. Wally chewed on his lip. Had he ruined Dick's good humor with a probing question. Ugh. He hated not being able to do anything. All it left him with was his mind running in circles and stewing. This was the. Worst. The. Worst.

His phone buzzed on the coffee table. Wally snatched it up.

I'm good.

Wally decided not to doubt the veracity of that statement.

Anything exciting happening?

Unless you count studying the periodic table exciting? No.

Surprised, Wally pulled his head back from the phone.

Since when do you need to study the periodic table?

Dick went silent again. Wally hoped that that meant that Dick was doing flash cards or something, but that thought seemed dumb, given that Dick had memorized the periodic table at 12. An unwanted image flashed across Wally's mind. He was back in the speed force, cradling Dick's body. He had jumped off the bridge and Wally had been too late to save him. Wally shook his head to clear it again. He grabbed his phone and texted Dick again.

Dude, seriously. You memorized that at 12.

….depression has been affecting my memory.

…is that a normal symptom?

Picking up his phone, Wally googled a list of depression symptoms. That was interesting; the first symptom listed was "trouble concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions." Wally had no idea about that. He thought depression was an intense feeling of sadness that didn't go away. Turns out that it was more complicated that that. Wally couldn't relate. Sure, he got sad sometimes, but it never lasted. Wally moved through life at the speed of light; none of his emotions lasted long – except for his love for Artemis. God, he loved her, which was why the whole wedding thing was so frustrating.

His phone buzzed again.

IDK

According to WebMd, it's normal.

Yay?

Sorry. Guess it doesn't matter.

There had to be something more helpful to talk about. Luckily, Dick saved him like he so often did.

How is the wedding planning going?

Terrible. Artemis hates everything I try.

Ouch. Didn't she ask you?

YES! I don't know what her issue is.

Wally punctuated the last text hard enough that if he were Superboy his finger would have gone through the phone when the object of his frustration walked through the door. Artemis dropped her keys on the table by the door and slung off her backpack. Kicking her shoes off, she walked over to the living room.

She all but collapsed onto the armchair perpendicular to the couch, arms flopping lazily on either side of the chair.

"You okay, babe?" Wally asked.

"Yeah, just done. I just finished my last midterm, and I want to sleep for a week," Artemis replied without lifting her head from its resting place on the back of the chair.

"Why don't you go to bed?"

Artemis smiled softly at him, and Wally felt his mood brighten. She had a gorgeous smile, and those soft smiles were only for him.

"I will in a minute. I wanted to see if you needed anything before I crashed," she replied.

Wally's heart filled; Artemis was so selfless and giving. He loved her so much, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Now if only they could plan the stupid wedding. "Nah, I'm good, sweetheart," he replied before his annoyance overrode his common sense. Now was not the time to ask about wedding plans.

Artemis nodded slowly but made no move to get up and move.

"Babe," Wally called.

"Mmnah."

Wally chuckled quietly. "You'll feel better if you go to bed." When she didn't respond, he added, "Artie."

She leveled a half-hearted glare at him. "Don't call me Artie."

"Go to bed," he repeated.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going." She pushed herself off the couch, gave him a quick peck on the lips and told him to behave before shuffling off to bed.

Smiling at how cute she was, Wally watched her leave. He picked up his phone again. There was another message from Dick.

Have you tried asking her what she wants?

Wally threw his hands up in the air.

She won't communicate!

That didn't answer my question. My counselor keeps telling me not to mind read and let other people speak for themselves. Not sure it will help. I mean, I know what Bruce is thinking, but maybe try asking Artemis what she wants in a wedding.

Wally shook his head but replied. Worth a shot I guess.

~0~

Knee deep in a "What type of donut are you?" quiz, Wally startled when Artemis stumbled into the room. Rubbing one eye with a closed fist, she yawned and reached up to stretch with her other arm. The movement pulled her shirt slightly upwards, and Wally was treated to teasing view of her toned stomach before she dropped her arm and stared at him with half-asleep eyes.

"What time is it?" She asked through another yawn.

Wally flicked his eyes to the top left of his phone's screen. His eyes widened. There was no way it was already a quarter to midnight. Where had his day gone?

"Almost midnight," he told her.

She blinked. "What day is it?"

He chuckled at her confusion. "It's still the same day."

Artemis yawned again and sank into the chair she sat in several hours earlier. "I think I'm still asleep."

"If your dreams of me have me laid up on a couch, my manly pride will be hurt."

The pillow Artemis threw at him missed by at least a foot. "Your manly pride doesn't exist."

Clutching an arm to his chest in feigned pain, Wally cried, "You wound me, Madam. Wound me."

Artemis shook her head at him. "I'm starving. When's the last time you ate?"

Wally looked at the dishes surrounding him. There were stacks of bowls with various dried foods in them. He had several empty bags of chips and a popcorn bowl with the unpopped kernels still in the bowl. Plus, an empty pizza box and some Chinese takeout containers. His stomach growled loudly at the site.

"Uh, I'm not actually sure."

Used to living with a speedster, Artemis heaved herself out of the chair. "I'm going to see what we have in the kitchen."

While she was gone, Wally stood up with a crutch and at least gathered the mess in one central area. Messes tended to bother him a lot more than Artemis, and it took a while for a mess to bother him. Artemis tended to function around messes when she needed to, and when she cleaned, everything was thoroughly cleaned.

His beautiful fiancée walked back into the room with a tray of sandwiches. At most, she would eat two, which meant the rest were for him. His heart swelled a little bit. Even mad at him, his girl always looked out for him. It meant the world to him. He wanted to marry her so badly.

A half-bitten piece of sandwich almost fell out of his mouth as he forgot to swallow before talking. "Artemis –"

"Ugh. Wally, swallow before you speak. I don't need to see your chewed food," the object of his affection interrupted before he could finish his question.

Swallowing, he tried again, "Artemis, can we talk about our wedding?"

"Now?" She asked, tone exasperated as she threw her head back on the couch. "Walls, I am exhausted."

"There never seems to be a good time to talk about it. You hate everything I suggest, and you never offer ideas," Wally rambled and then the question escaped before he had realized it was coming. "Are you having second thoughts?"

Artemis shot up from the couch with wide gray eyes. "No. Wally! How could you even ask that?!"

Now that the question was asked, Wally knew it was a fear bottled inside. "You don't want anything to do with the planning. What am I supposed to think?!"

"Has it never occurred to you that I don't want a big, fancy wedding? I just want a small wedding with our friends with zero fuss." Artemis stood up and glared at him.

Forgetting his crutch, Wally stood as well. "Why didn't you just say that?"

"Because you've got your heart set on this big, fancy wedding for tens of thousands of dollars. I want you to have what you want." Tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes. "Wally, you were dead, basically gone. We had your funeral. I want you to have the wedding you want." She paused as a cry tore through her. "I just don't want it."

Wally's anger dissipated at the site of her tears. "Babe," he pulled her close. "I just want to give you the world. I want to give you everything you deserve."

"Kid Idiot, all I want is you, not a Bruce Wayne bought, tabloid worthy parade. I don't want diamonds and ancient crystal. I just want something in a backyard with those closest to us," Artemis explained as she leaned against his chest.

His fingers ran through her soft golden hair. As he held the strongest woman he knew against his chest, Wally West was hit with an uncomfortable realization. He didn't want an obnoxious wedding either. Then why was he pushing so hard?

Oh.

The penny dropped. It was an ugly, tarnished thing. He was jealous. Dick and Roy had guardians that threw them ridiculous parties – that the two of them almost always hated. He was an idiot. He was trying to one up his best friends who had been raised by billionaires. What was wrong with him?

"Babe, I am so sorry," he whispered while he kissed her hair. "I am an idiot. Let's just do a backyard wedding at my parent's place."

Moving suddenly and fiercely, Artemis kissed him. Wally assumed that she approved of the idea. And that was the last coherent thought he had of the night.

~0~

The next morning Artemis drew circles with her index finger on his chest while they lay in the bed. The soft soothing gesture filled him with a pleasant sensation that left him content to waste the day in bed.

She tapped him three times on the chest, prompting him to look at her. "I thought you would be running around the world a few times now that you are allowed to use that knee again." She poked him hard in the side when she said that last word.

He grabbed her hand and rubbed it with his hand. "Were you trying to chase me outta bed?"

Artemis gave him a devious grin. "Just like knowing you'd choose me over running."

Turning over, he gave her a proper kiss and then told her, "I'd choose you over anything, gorgeous."

Her smirk turned from devious to tactical. Klaxon alarms sounded in Wally's brain. He wasn't sure where he made a mistake, but one was made.

"Good," she said and squirmed out from under him and out of bed. "Get dressed. We are talking about your trip in the speed force."

Groaning, Wally dropped onto the bed with his face buried under a pillow. He mumbled something uncomplimentary about her.

"Yeah, I know," Artemis replied. "I'm a bitch. Get up. We are dealing with this."

She left the room, presumably to make coffee. Wally refused to move and laid there, complaining about his existence. He did not want to have this conversation. At all.

Before facing the grim reaper in the living room, Wally grabbed his phone and texted his best friend.

If you haven't heard from me in 20 minutes, stage a rescue.

?

Artemis wants to talk about my time in the speedforce.

I didn't know there was something to talk about.

Wally groaned. How could he forget that he hadn't talked with Dick about it at all? Usually he brought all of his fears and superhero induced traumatic episodes to Dick, but he hadn't. Not with Dick in such a bad place.

Forget it.

*eyeroll* Yeah, that's going to happen.

Ugh. I can only handle one of these conversations at a time.

Avoiding the inevitable wouldn't get him anywhere. He stood up and got dressed. Then Wally grabbed his phone and found one last text from Dick.

Go talk to Artemis. We'll talk later.

And they would. Wally had just given Dick Grayson a bone and he would gnaw on it until the mystery shredded into pieces. Tucking his phone into his pocket, Wally headed out to the main living area. Artemis was seated at the dining table with a cup of coffee in her hand. There was one placed to her left that undoubtedly was his, according to Artemis, over-sweetened coffee. Artemis had also brought one of his protein bars. Approaching his doom, Wally sat down and sipped at his coffee. Despite her critiques of his caffeine choices, his coffee was made exactly to his taste.

As with everything in his life, Wally didn't wait for Artemis to start the conversation. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Wally, I want to understand what happened to you in the speedforce."

"I told you I watched everyone die horrible deaths," Wally exclaimed. "Why do you want to make me rehash it?"

"Because it's obviously still affecting you!" Coffee slushed out of Artemis's cup and onto the worn dining table as her annoyance started visibly affecting her movements.

"I don't care! I just want to pretend it never happened!"

She took a few shallow breaths as she stared at Wally through angered eyes. Then she closed her eyes and took one deep breath.

"Wally, I just want you to be okay. When's the last time you dreamt about me dying?"

Wally sighed. "Two nights ago."

There was compassion in her grey eyes when she said, "Don't you want them to stop?"

"Yes," he admitted. "But I don't see how talking about them is going to help."

"Have you not spent the last six months convincing Dick to talk you?" Artemis questioned.

"Oh." Wally was an idiot. How did he not realize he was putting Artemis through the exact same thing that Dick had put all of them through. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to talk to me."

And so he did. He told her that he had watched her die in seven different horrible fashions. He told her how he watched Dick die by suicide. He told her how Roy, Uncle Barry, Aunt Iris, Bart, and the twins, all of them died violent deaths, and he was always just a millisecond too late. Always there just to watch them die, but unable to offer any help whatsoever.

At some point, Artemis pulled him against her chest. He didn't realize he was crying, full on sobs, body shaking until she started singing a Vietnamese lullaby and stroking his hair. And so they stayed there with Artemis holding him until he sobbed out all his tears for all the deaths he had experienced and denied.

Author's Note: Hey friends,

I apologize for the delay. The beginning of the shutdown for coronavirus kicked my butt. My depression made doing anything the first month nigh impossible. I am doing much better though, and I hope I'll be able to write more. I wrote most of this chapter over the last week. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy - physically and emotionally. Feel free to drop a line if you want to chat.