I wrote this chapter last November. I was really looking forward to the day when I would publish this chapter.

I have this habit of writing future scenes before I'm even in the right season. For example, I already have some scenes for season 3 and season 4 for my story, while I haven't even finished season 2 yet.

Enjoy everyone !

It was a constant, irritating, noisy buzzing that woke me up that night. The Tardis, which seemed to want me to awake, did all she could and succeeded. Growling and in a grumpy mood I abruptly pulled the blanket to get out of bed before rubbing my face, mumbling insults in French. I got up, put on the shorts I had taken off while I was asleep and walked to the bathroom to put a cold, wet flannel over my neck and face. My arm raised to pick up a Tardis blue satin robe and I put it on before tying a loose knot to close it and walked out into the dark, quiet corridor.

The Tardis lights were twinkling in a particular direction, urging me to follow the way. My feet met the cold fence at every step, and as I brushed my hair out with my fingers I realized that I had never wandered into this part of the Tardis before. I finally came to a wooden door that seemed extremely old because of its condition - which was still well conserved - and because of the golden engravings representing the circular Gallifreyan that had slowly faded away as time went by.

I conscientiously examined the old door before raising my hand and knocking softly. A muffled response came to me and I turned the handle to open the door and enter the unknown room. The room happened to be the Doctor's bedroom. And the bad mood that I wore as aura before instantly disappeared when I saw the Doctor. I closed the door silently before I reached the Doctor quickly, worried about his current mood.

The Doctor was sitting on the floor against his bed in his jammies, and folded himself into a ball, holding his head with both hands; hands which seemed to sink painfully into his hair and scalp. I pulled his hands away from his head before putting my two hands down so that I could raise his face. His chin trembled as did his lower lip, his nose sniffed softly from time to time, while his eyes, so watery brown, didn't dare look at me.

"Hey..." I whispered softly as if he were a terrified wild animal. "Are you all right, Doctor? »

"No..."

For the first time in my life the Doctor said something other than 'I am always fine' and it tore my heart out to hear that in a broken voice. I moved a bit closer, not letting go of his face but gently caressing his jaw and cheekbones.

"Please, tell me. Tell me what's making you feel so bad. Let me help you. "I pleaded softly. "Please, look at me, Doctor. Don't turn away those pretty eyes. »

As I gently encouraged him, he finally raised his eyes to me. My heart that was already torn by his condition broke and twisted even more when I saw such deep sorrow blended with horror and a terrible shock in his dark brown eyes. Tears began to roll down gently as his shoulders trembled with tearful sobs. I held him in a comforting embrace, kissing his forehead and the top of his head as he clung to me like a lifeline and cried with all his soul against me; his tears were choked into my neck and shoulder and his hands clutched the t-shirt and robe I was wearing, his fingers thrusting fiercely into my shoulder blades from time to time in a mildly painful way. But I ignored that pain to take care of the Doctor; that man who was revealing his heart to me wide open and trusting me. I had never seen him in this state before, the closest was in his last episode when he saved Wilf at the cost of his life and set in motion his regeneration and the last moment when he spoke as the tenth Doctor.

I'd never seen him like that before and it was tearing me apart to see him that way. So as best I could, I whispered comforting words to him, switching from English to my native language with facility. My voice was less hoarse as I whispered in French in his ear. My fingers ran gently through his hair while my other hand softly rubbed his back in a circular pattern.

The cold floor as well as my position later caused the lower part of my body to become engorged and I did my best to get up and get into bed. The Doctor was silent. We were lying on our sides, face to face, my head resting on one of his dark red pillows, his head resting on my neck and his breath close to my collarbone. He was holding me just as I was holding him, my French monologue had finally stopped, and I was humming the tune of his theme as well as that of his old body. Then my humming stopped too, plunging us into silence.

"Do you want to tell me what happens? " I asked him gently, as I spoke English again.

For a few moments he didn't answer, but finally there came a shaking sigh before he backed away slightly so that his voice wouldn't be muffled.

"I counted them. I counted all of them. "he whimpered.

I frowned as I couldn't understand what he had just said until the light in my mind lit up and my eyes widened, the horror swelled my chest as I took a deep breath.

"All those children who were on Gallifrey that day during the war and that I burned. I counted every one of them..." he continued in his confession with a sob in his voice.

"Why did you do that? Why are you torturing yourself in such a way"

"I had to... And there were so many of them. So many children whose lives and hopes and futures I ended... "

He started sobbing in my shoulders again, his cries turned into a heart-rending scream. Now I understood why the Tardis had awakened me. It was that terrible night when he began to count the number of children on Gallifrey. I tightened my grip, wiping away the flowing tears, kissing his forehead and cheeks and whispering a litany of comforting words.

I don't know how long it took me to get his tears and sobs dry. The Doctor who was so tired from crying and sobbing seemed to be able to sleep in a few seconds, but even so he stayed awake. At one moment I had finally settled down again, my back against the headboard with a cushion to relieve the stiffness and coldness of the metal frame. The Doctor had wrapped his arms around me and placed his head against my belly, I gently scratched his scalp, triturated the soft strands and gently rubbed his temples, when he started to speak again.

"Do you know how many of them there was? "he asked carefully.

I hummed an affirmation. It was horrible to know the exact number even though it never happened.

" Even before I counted them during this night"

" Since the first time I breathed in this world. "I affirmed with slight shame.

"You must think I'm a monster..."

I suddenly grabbed his chin to lift him up and stare at him seriously. He was surprised by my action.

"Don't you dare say that Doctor... Not once, not once in my life have I even thought that you were anything but a good man. "

"But I've killed billions of people, my own people! I've caused the genocide of two species, including my own! "he retorted as he stood up and levelled himself at my level, firmly grasping my shoulders.

" You're the man who makes an impossible choice at a time when no one dared or thought to make that choice. Your choice cost the lives of billions of people, your family and your home world; but it saved the rest of the Universe and more lives than I can count. "

"And that's it, that's why I'm not a good man! "

"But you're trying to be. You try to be a good man and that's all that matters in the end; that's all that matters to me..." I whispered, caressing his cheek reverently.

His grip on my shoulders relaxed and I could see in his eyes the confusion, he didn't know what to think or believe anymore. He opened his mouth several times, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end, he sighed, putting his forehead against my shoulder and putting his arms around me again.

"And I'll always be there to set your mind straight if I have to. " I told him after a few minutes of silence.

"Always? "he repeated, lifting his head up.

"Well, as long as I'm on the Tardis with you. As long as you want me by your side"

"What if I want you to be here with me until the end of time? "

"Then so it shall be." I concluded with a loving smile.

His eyes fixed into mine, looking for the lie and the truth. The silence which had returned to the Doctor's bedroom was comfortable, pleasant, and delicate, though there was still that touch of sadness in the air. The Doctor put his forehead against mine, never breaking our eye contact. Until now, I hadn't paid attention to his scent. It was different from his old body, the smell of old leather had been replaced by the smell of black tea and a slight touch of banana, and he still had the smell of "Time" on him. And as I was subconsciously memorizing his smell, he moved his face to get even closer to mine.

Her lips finally came to rest against mine and I kissed him back. No one sought dominance over another, he sought comfort and I gave it to him, he sought love and I loved him. His lips were cool against mine and slightly cracked, but I didn't care. All I cared about was him and him alone. His hands instinctively placed themselves against my cheek and back. Sometimes the kiss would get deeper and a moan or groan of pleasure would come from us before we would calm the kiss and go back to the beginning, to a gentle and simple kiss. His lips came off mine and slid down my cheek, jaw and neck. He put little kisses on them and I sighed, shivering with pleasure.

My hands slipped to join his and intertwined our fingers. He returned to my level and kissed me again before stopping, putting his forehead against mine, breathing deeply as his eyes were closed. I could feel his hearts beating in his chest, beating against my own chest which was lifting because of my own heartbeat. He reached my hand up to his lips and placed them against the back of my hand for a long time before falling beside me in his bed, one of his hands leaving mine to caress my cheeks with affection.

I moved to sit on the edge of his bed, ready to return to my room; but he held my wrist gently to stop me, and begged me in a wailing, moaning voice that I might break the heart.

"Stay... Please..."

And I stayed with him in bed. We hid under the blanket, trying not to feel the cold. Usually in this body the Doctor preferred to hold someone rather than being held, but tonight seemed to be the exception. He went to seek comfort in my arms which I tenderly wrapped around him. His head rested in the hollow of my shoulders, his hair tickled my neck, and his breath caressed my collarbone. My hand slid up to the back of his neck, which I massaged lightly until I became drowsy and began to fall asleep.

"Good night, Doctor. "

"Good night, Alvia..."

Just before falling into a deep sleep I took one last look at the doctor who had his eyes closed and was breathing deeply. His face was marked by grief and seemed so young and old at the same time. I prayed mentally for the Doctor to get better tomorrow and that in spite of that terrible night and that terrible knowledge he would still be the cheerful and full of life man that I knew. Tomorrow would be a new day.