Chapter Nineteen
Now
"I can't go in with you."
Sherry looks back towards Captain Abhimanyu, away from the door she's about to walk through. "I wasn't expecting you to."
"I'll be waiting outside, just in case." He's solemn, clearly worried, and she feels the need to reassure him when she should probably be the one panicking.
"What exactly is it that you think Dr Mishra is going to do to me in there?" Sherry asks, her tone purposefully humorous.
"Sherry," he grasps her shoulders, his own tone urgent. "Don't take this lightly. She's a trained professional, she'll twist your words, pull out your deepest fears and doubts and use them to prove her point."
His hand are warm on her shoulders, his face close to hers, and Sherry takes a quick breath in. "Do you think this is the first time I've dealt with a psychiatrist?"
"What do you mean?"
"I was sent to one when my mother died, to another after Bhaiya was convicted. If there's one thing you can be certain of, Abhimanyu Sir, it's that I know exactly what I need to say to get rid of them."
Abhimanyu nods and removes his hands from her shoulders, stepping back. "I'll be waiting out here anyway."
Sherry thinks in that moment, that Abhimanyu will never know precisely how much those words mean to her. He'll never know how much he means to her.
The guard opens the door for her, and Sherry walks through it, into the room where Ritu Mishra already waits for her at the table. The woman holds out a hand to indicate the opposite chair. "Take a seat, Sherry. Would you like some water?"
Sherry shakes her head, pulling out the chair for herself. In her mind she's already going over possible questions and answers. It's not going to be answering the questions correctly that will be the challenge, it will be how to conceal just how much she hates the woman asking them.
"Well, shall we start? This is official so I will be recording our session." Dr Mishra switches the recorder on, placing it between them. "You're aware of why we're here, but I would like to hear it in your own words. Why did you refuse to take part in the drill today?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Sherry raises her eyebrows. "If I was the type of girl that was comfortable with stabbing her brother's image then I would think that would be the correct reason to see a psychiatrist."
Dr Mishra thins her lips and Sherry knows she's not happy with the answer, the woman must have expected her to be angry and defensive, easily manipulated into betraying herself.
"Yet you came here to this academy, concealing your relationship to a known traitor. Why did you deceive the academy, Sherry?"
"Who did I deceive? They all knew who I was. If the academy had concerns about what I thought about my brother, they should have asked me at the entry interview."
"The academy was assured by your father that you accepted Captain Rajveer was a traitor and wanted to make amends for his actions."
Sherry laughs. "As you can see, I am not in fact, my father. If they had asked me I would have told them the truth."
Ritu's eyes glint. "But let's keep discussing your father. I imagine that you and he don't see eye to eye on a lot of issues. We've been assuming you came here for your brother but perhaps the truth is that you came here for your father instead. It must have hurt when he declared Captain Rajveer a traitor, is this your way of taking revenge on him? Have you come here to spite him so that he's embarrassed when you're expelled."
Sherry takes in a deep breath. Stay calm, she tells herself, don't give her anything to use against you. "I would have to be a special type of idiot to sabotage my own future out of spite for my father."
"Why then, Sherry? Did you join believing that you might find evidence that your brother is innocent?" Ritu sighs. "The sooner that you accept the truth, the better it will be for you. I do understand why it might be difficult."
"Why don't you explain it to me? I'm sure you've got a fascinating reason to share behind my motivation."
Sherry's sarcasm isn't lost on Ritu, but she forges ahead anyway.
"The problem, Sherry, is that you can't stand to think that another person has chosen to abandon you."
Sherry grits her teeth. "Don't talk about things you don't understand."
"Do you think that I don't? It's not just your father's lack of presence in your life that has led to this fear. It started even before that, with your mother's suicide. She chose death over remaining to look after her daughter, that must have hurt you."
Sherry sits stock still, not a muscle moving. "Don't bring my mother into this."
"No? Alright, let's move on to your brother. It would have hurt to find out that yet another person had chosen something else over you. That's what he did after all, when he chose to betray the country for his greed."
Sherry opens her mouth to retort angrily then shuts it again. She breathes in and counts slowly backwards from ten. She can't allow herself to be drawn into a trap. "You seem to know an awful lot about me that's not in my official file. Did my father call you himself to tell you exactly what would hurt me the most or did you hear it from Major Bhargav?"
For a moment it seems as if Sherry has knocked Ritu off balance. "Why would you think I would have spoken to your father?"
"Almost nobody knows the truth about my mother's death, there's no way you could unless someone from our household told you. If it wasn't my father then who?"
As Ritu opens her mouth and then closes it again, Sherry knows that she's discomforted her. Could it have been Raj she heard it from?
Now is the time for Sherry to press forward, while Dr Mishra is vulnerable. "No, I did not come here to spite my father or due to any abandonment issues I might have. I joined because I believe my brother is innocent and because I hope I can prove that one day. I will become an honest officer just as he was and clear his name."
"And if he was an honest officer, what does that say about what happened to him?"
"So you're admitting that it might be a possibility then?"
Dr Mishra takes an agitated sip of water and Sherry knows that she's got her on the back foot. She stays silent then, waiting to see how the psychiatrist will react.
"Why do you think you'll be successful in your quest, is it because you think your friends will help you?"
"I won't rely on anyone else. I don't want anyone's help and I won't ask for it either. Even if they are my friends, this isn't their fight." Let her believe it, Sherry prays. Let her leave that matter alone now.
"Ah yes, why would you need friends after all when you appear to have won over one of the faculty members?" Ritu waits for Sherry's reaction, a slight smile on her face, confident and mocking once more. "You must believe that Captain Abhimanyu will help you."
Sherry concentrates very hard on keeping her expression neutral. "Why would he? What am I to him?"
"Now that is what I've been trying to figure out. He was rather passionate in his defence of you in the meeting, do you know why that would be? No? I have some ideas on that front."
Sherry resists the urge to roll her eyes and remains silent.
"See there are two possible reasons. One, that the good captain is trying to make up for his own guilt in what happened to your brother. He was part of the security team during the trial and the transfer afterwards, did you know that? Two, Captain Abhimanyu knows that your brother is a traitor. He guessed long back what you planned to do and hopes to find Captain Rajveer's location through you to advance your own career. Now which do you think is correct?"
"Neither, because he hasn't given me any help and nor will I ask him for any." Sherry tells Dr Mishra, even as she seethes at the woman's attempt to set them apart. "Are we done yet?"
"I would suggest you take this rather more seriously, Cadet Sherry, when it could decide your fate."
Sherry narrows her eyes. "And who is it that is deciding your fate, Dr Mishra? Just what sort of interest do you have here? You seem rather eager to have me dismissed, you've already made up your mind that I should be, I wonder just why that is." Sherry pulls the recorder towards her suddenly, speaking into it. "I am not a risk to this academy. I'm a good cadet that is loyal to the Indian army. Wanting my brother to be proven innocent is not a crime and neither does it break any rules I'm aware of. If the academy wants to throw me out then it needs to find some grounds on which to do so."
"As the commandant of this academy, Brigadier Chandook has the power to dismiss any cadet he chooses to." Dr Mishra raises an eyebrow. "And unless you are willing to admit your brother is a traitor, he will not allow you to stay."
"Then perhaps Brigadier Chandook should speak to me himself before he decides. I'm ready to answer any questions he might have and I imagine it might be a lot more productive than this session has been."
Dr Mishra's expression hardens. "You're right, it has been an unproductive session. Some more time in solitary confinement might help you to reconsider which decision you wish to make."
Sherry shrugs. "Better my own company than yours."
She stands, even as Dr Mishra does, making her way towards the door to hold it open. Sherry walks through and out to the corridor where along with Abhimanyu, most of her friends have now gathered as well. Huda and Pooja are missing and Sherry wonders if it means they have already made their choice. She didn't have high expectations of Huda but the thought that Pooja could choose to abandon her hurts.
They all surge forward as she emerges until Dr Mishra holds up a hand to gesture them to stop. "Cadet Sherry is to be taken back to solitary confinement until Brigadier Chandook makes up his mind."
"Don't worry, Sherry, we'll have you out of there soon." Yudi tells her confidently. "Pooja and Huda are collecting signatures from the cadets and faculty in your support."
Sherry has never been so happy in her life to be so wrong.
Naina gives her a firm nod and Sherry knows that they're not going to give up easily. She might just be able to make it after all.
"I just want the chance to speak to Brigadier Chandook once." She tells them and Ali nods.
"In the interests of justice, he has to agree. We'll ensure that he does."
"Alright cadets, clear away. Captain Abhimanyu, escort her back to the holding cell."
Abhimanyu pushes himself off the wall he's been leaning on even as Dr Mishra turns on her heel, walking down the corridor without a backwards glance.
"You heard Dr Mishra, Cadets. Your break is nearly over and Lolitaji will be expecting you in class."
They reluctantly say their goodbyes, Naina reaching out to grasp Sherry's hand once as Aalekh pats her on the shoulder.
Sherry wishes she could tell Naina that she doesn't blame her, that she loves her even more for her inability to harm even Raj's image. If they can convince Brigadier Chandook to allow her to stay then there will be time to say it then.
"How was it?" Abhimanyu asks, his pace deliberately slow as they move towards the holding cell. "Are you alright?"
"Nothing that I couldn't cope with, I didn't give her anything to hold against me." Sherry replies quietly. "She knew about my mother."
"Your mother?" Sherry glances up to see confusion on Abhimanyu's face and realises belatedly that even he doesn't know. Raj must have never told them.
"That she killed herself." Sherry says shortly. "Dr Mishra shouldn't have known, almost nobody does, somebody gave her that information to use against me. Have you seen her speak to Major Bhargav since she arrived?"
Abhimanyu shakes his head. "I've never seen them interact, although something could have happened that I'm not aware of."
"Still." Sherry pauses. "I want to know how she found out. Did my father go so far as to give someone the information to hurt me?"
"Sherry..." Abhimanyu reaches out a hand to stop her, grasping her hand. "I want you to know that I'm with you, I'll fight to keep you in the academy and we will win, Brigadier Chandook has to see reason."
Sherry looks down at their joined hands, feels the warmth of his grasp.
"Don't." She tells him. "Dr Mishra mentioned you in there, she won't hesitate to use you against me to win. I don't want you to lose your position because of me."
Abhimanyu's grip on her hand tightens and his expression is almost tortured. "I will always choose my conscience when it will make a difference, Sherry. With Raj, there is no point to speak out now, I can't save him by doing so, but I did... I would do anything possible to save you and it would be worth it even if I do lose my position."
It has been a very long time since Sherry last cried but looking into his open, honest face so full of emotions, she feels tears come to her eyes. She looks away, blinking, only to feel his hand on her chin, turning her gaze back. "I know." Sherry tells him, even as Abhimanyu looks down at her, one hand on her chin, the other still grasping hers. "I know you would. I know that you did, for him."
She should not have said it but it has been eating away at her, as she has found herself unable to tell him the truth or thank him for it.
Abhimanyu abruptly drops both his hands. "How do you..."
Sherry shakes his head. "I can't tell you, I can't. Please don't ask me because I don't want to lie to you. One day I'll tell you everything, I promise."
Abhimanyu is about to reply when a guard turns the corner, obviously having come to take his watch outside Sherry's cell.
With one last meaningful look, he steps back from her, opening the door with one hand. "It won't be long now."
"One way or another." Sherry comments darkly as she makes her way inside.
Abhimanyu doesn't wait, nodding to the guard, he makes his way back towards Brigadier Chandook's office, planning to argue for Sherry's right to present a case to the Brigadier herself. Internally though, he is reeling. He can only guess what she meant by her statement, that she knows he was the one who set Raj free. He has never told anyone that, not even Naveen, so if she knows that... then she must have heard it from Raj himself.
If his friend has been in contact with Sherry then it means one thing, that is more important than ever that she remains in the academy.
/
Naveen has been restless ever since the morning's revelations.
While he had suspected Sherry Gehlot's reasons for having joined the academy, he hadn't expected them to be revealed in such a dramatic way. Even more so, he hadn't expected Ritu's reaction to what had occurred.
Despite Naina and Abhimanyu's warnings, he really does like her. It's not just that she's beautiful and charming, she's also intelligent and funny and has a way of listening to him that makes him feel like the most important person in the room. He has enjoyed his time with her and he's caught himself wondering if something more could come of it.
This morning he thinks he finally saw the side of her that he had been warned about. He had looked around during the drill, to the faces of the other faculty members. Abhimanyu had been clearly worried, waiting to see how Sherry would react. Major Nair had been scornful, almost gloating as the effigies were stabbed. Shalini has looked slightly disapproving while Suriji's face was set like stone.
When he had looked at Ritu, what he had seen was surprising. She appeared fascinated, glued to the proceedings and most of all, her eyes had been on Sherry as if waiting for her reaction.
Somehow she had known.
Later during the meeting it had been her lack of empathy that had disturbed him, when discussing the options she had shown no concern for what Sherry might be going through. It wasn't the correct emotion for a psychiatrist, it wasn't what he expected from the woman he had thought he might be falling in love with.
A part of him doesn't want to hear Ritu's dispassionate analysis of her session with Sherry, because he knows it will be one step closer to needing to admit that the others were right all along.
He wanders instead, coming across the cadets where they sit in a huddle, obviously discussing something. Naina sits in between Aalekh and Pooja as Yudi sits across from them, their heads bent together. As Naveen approaches, Huda and Ali join them, each taking their own seat.
"How did it go?" Naina asks.
"We delivered the petition, almost everybody signed it. Now it's all in Tau's hands."
"And what do we do if he won't accept it?" Yudi asks worriedly. "What if they still want to throw her out?"
"Then we still don't give up." Naina answers determinedly. "Someone once told me that while there is breath there is hope, and while there is hope a soldier must always continue to fight until the very last breath. We'll keep fighting for her until we win."
Naveen stops where he stands because something about that phrasing... he knows those words, knows he's heard them said in exactly that manner. Had he spoken them himself to Naina somehow for her to remember them so well?
"Naveen Sir!" Huda calls out and Naveen continues his approach towards the group, standing close by to where they sit. "Have you heard any news?"
"Not yet, Dr Mishra's psychoanalysis is over, and when I saw Chauhan he was on the way to Brigadier Chandook to try to convince him to speak to Cadet Sherry personally before he makes a decision."
The others start talking amongst themselves then, arguing about the possibilities of success, but when Naveen looks at Naina she is silent, observing him. Naveen wonders what she is looking for, signs that he supports her friend, or changes to how he regards Ritu.
"Naina." He inclines his head and she stands, joining him as they walk away from the others.
"Did you know?" Naveen asks her when they can't be overheard.
Naina is silent, and while she doesn't look away from him, Naveen sees the careful shuttering of her face, the concealing of her emotions. "Yes, I did."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Naina shrugs. "I didn't think that I needed to or that it was my place to. You knew who she was and what her relationship to him was. Captain Abhimanyu has known all along how she felt, I assumed he would tell you if it was necessary."
Naveen nods, he knows Naina has never been the type of person who would reveal the secrets of others. "Have you been helping her?"
For a moment there is silence, an almost hesitation to speak, then Naina shakes her head. "She didn't want anybody's help, she's determined to do it herself."
"What do you know about his case?"
"What Sherry herself knows." Naina pauses. "She's been discussing it with Abhimanyu."
Abhimanyu. Naveen is going to need to sit down with his friend and have quite a long conversation about what exactly he thinks he's doing encouraging Sherry Gehlot in this way.
"And do you... do you also think that he's innocent?"
"Of course." There is no hesitation in Naina, no two ways about it and Naveen is left to stare at her, at the confidence with which she can believe a convicted traitor she's never met would be innocent. "He was your best friend, Bhaiyya."
Naveen reaches out then and hugs Naina, he hugs her because he's never dared to tell his family how he felt about Raj's conviction or how his friend's plight has affected him. It has been an unlooked for kindness that his sister would understand him.
When he lets her go, there is a strange sadness in Naina's expression, a tenderness as if his actions mean far too much to her. "How are you, Bhaiyya? I know this can't be easy for you either."
"I have never given up hope of proving him innocent." Naveen pauses, his throat thick with all the words he has never allowed himself to say. "It is far too dangerous a matter for either you or Cadet Sherry to be involved in but I will get justice for him one day."
"I know you will, Bhaiyya." Naina says seriously. "And if it is a condition of allowing her to stay then I know Sherry will promise not to investigate if she knows that you are trying but Bhaiyya..."
Naveen nods, asking her to continue.
"She was looking for pictures of alumni night to try and find out who her brother's girlfriend was. If you could find them for her instead then at least she would have one of the answers she's seeking and you would have a clue as well."
Naveen nods. "I'll think about how to go about it, maybe that's something that I could do."
"If you could, I know that she would appreciate it."
Squeezing his hand, Naina makes her way back to the others as Naveen watches her go. He must go to Brigadier Chandook's meeting now, to listen to Ritu's assessment and then potentially speak his own piece.
He will need to be prepared for the truth that he never wanted to see.
A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting, I wanted to get this up yesterday but work turned out to be a little too busy (how is it possible to have even more to do when you're working from home?).
A big thank you to the two guests who commented, I hope that you will enjoy the present scenes as much as the past. Naina and Raj's personalities are slightly different here, as you rightly said due to the different circumstances they've faced.
The chapters should be up regularly from now on as I'm now onto writing the epilogue, almost done!