AN: Eesh, I didn't get nearly enough writing done this weekend between working both days and then Sunday being taken over by football all day (I have so many thoughts, but I shan't go on a football rant here!)

I loved the different reactions you all had to last chapter. Hopefully fears/worries/suspicions will be addressed here!

...

Chapter 25: Bella

Friday, November 23

Melbourne, Australia

15 Weeks

I was so angry, I was shaking. Tears were burning my eyes and I wanted to scream or sob or just, run away.

I couldn't believe Edward. I knew he'd been uncomfortable around my friends, but I'd mistakenly taken it for him looking down on them. It had pissed me off, thinking if my friends weren't good enough for him, then I certainly shouldn't be either.

I'd tried to talk to him, to check in with him about how he was feeling, but he'd been shutting me out for days now, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I stormed down the beach, needing space to cool off. I didn't want to cause a scene and ruin Jess' wedding. Already, I was regretting confronting Edward in public. That should have waited until we were home.

Home.

Fuck, even furious at him, when I thought of home, it was Edward who I thought of.

Hot tears leaked out from my eyes and I slapped at my cheeks, ripping my sandals off my feet so I could walk down the beach easier. It was getting dark, and while it wasn't cold, it was cooling a bit. The sea breeze smelled different than it did in California, and I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

I missed California. I missed Edward's home—a home which I had started to think of as my own.

Traveling with Edward had been amazing, up until a couple days ago. I could feel him pulling away from me, and I couldn't help but blame his pulling away on myself. Was I overwhelming him? Had it been too much to travel like this? Should I have done something differently?

My insecurities had come flaring up, and I had tried to overcompensate by dragging Edward to meet my friends. If I couldn't be good enough for him, maybe the amazing people I'd met would do the trick to keep him engaged in the trip.

My plan had completely and utterly backfired though, and at the engagement dinner, I'd never seen Edward so, cold.

Things had been made worse yesterday when I noticed how upset he was getting now that we were being followed and photographed. We'd spent the rest of the day at the hotel and I thought today we were finally back on the same page when…

Fuck. I couldn't believe he'd said that to me. I couldn't believe I'd hit him. I'd regretted it instantly, but I couldn't take it back, just like he couldn't take back those words.

Edward had wounded me, deeply. I might have been a fucking wild card for a while, but I'd never cheated on anyone. Even when I refused to label what I had with a guy, if I was sleeping with him, I didn't sleep with anyone else until that triste had ended.

I couldn't even fucking look at another guy anymore. Not since Edward had completely and utterly stolen my heart.

Had I not been good enough at showing him how much I loved him? Had I been majorly slacking in my affection for him? I thought he knew how much he meant to me; fuck, my friends could see it and they'd met him once.

"Bella?"

I looked up from the waves and wiped at my cheeks, smiling softly at James. He strolled toward me, hands in his pockets as he looked out over the water. "You disappeared," he said glancing at me. I sighed and looked back at the water.

"Yeah, I just… I needed some air."

James looked at me and I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. "So," he said after a long moment. "That's Edward Cullen."

I sighed. "Yup."

He nodded, looking back out at the water. "Seems a bit up tight," he said casually. I laughed weakly.

"No, well, yes, sort of. In some ways," I paused, shaking my head. "He's amazing though, really."

James looked at me and I glanced at him. "Bella, I know we parted ways on completely the same page. Neither of us was looking for more than what we were in Fiji," he said quietly. I nodded, turning to him curiously. He reached up and pushed his long hair from his face. He really was handsome, and it was no wonder why I'd spent a month with him before I met Edward. "We had fun, right?" he asked. I smiled and nodded softly.

"Yeah, James. We did."

He frowned, shaking his head. "I left Fiji and I moved on and I had a lot of fun, but I just…" he paused, looking at me. "I couldn't forget you, Bella. I want to be with you. I mean truly be with you."

I blinked, surprised. "W-what?"

"This can't be that big of a shock to you," he said gently. "We spent a month living together and it was a great month. We got on really well, and I just…there is something about you, Bella. Something about us that just feels right. Didn't you feel it?"

Holy hell this was not happening right now. I stared at him, stunned into silence.

"James, I…" I paused, unable to gather my thoughts. "I'm pregnant."

Well fuck. That was literally the last thing I'd wanted to say to him. James' eyes flew down to my stomach, widening a fraction though I wasn't sure if he could see my bump or not. "Pregnant?" he whispered.

I nodded, biting my lip. "Yeah." I wound my hands around Pip, taking a deep breath.

James looked up at me then, and his blue eyes widened a fraction before he shook his head. "Bella, why didn't you tell me sooner? Fuck, I mean, fuck. I don't know what to do with a kid, and my career takes me all over the world. Fuck, so does yours. We can't…"

I cut him off, shaking my head. "James stop, it's not yours." I said quickly. He stopped and looked at me, his brow furrowing.

"How can you be sure? How far along are you?"

I frowned. "About four months or so."

He nodded. "Then it absolutely could be mine. Fuck Bella. I want to be with you, but this, fuck this is a lot to take on."

I shook my head. "James, stop. It's not yours. It's Edward's."

James paused, his eyes narrowing. "How can you be so sure? Was this planned? Did you trap him?" he asked. I glared at him, my eyes narrowing.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I snarled. "I know it's Edward's because we ran a paternity test."

"Is this the reason you're with him?" he shook his head. "Fuck, Bella. If that's all, then I'll wait for you to have your kid. We can leave it with him and hit the road. Things will be like they were."

Rage swelled in me at the very idea. "How fucking dare you," I snarled. "What in this world would make you think I'd just abandon my child? I happen to love Edward, and even if I wasn't pregnant, I'd pick him over anyone else, every, fucking, time. He gets me like no one else ever has or ever could and he is ten times the man you'll ever be."

James took a step back from me, his eyes wide before they narrowed a bit. "That guy? You seriously love him?"

Anger coursed through me. "Yes, James. I love him. I love him more than I have loved anyone else. More than I could love anyone else." I leveled him with a glare.

"What, we you just waiting for the right kind of celebrity to walk by? Was I not famous enough for you? Who knew you were so shallow," he said, his glare cold. I felt a snarl build up in my chest.

"Fuck you, you dick. I wanted to stay friends because we had fun in Fiji, but if this is how you are going to treat me and my family, then fuck off."

James' jaw set and he shook his head. "What the fuck ever, Bella. You're not worth this shit."

He turned to leave when a shadow on my right stepped up.

"What the fuck did you just say to her?"

I turned to see Edward, as furious and beautiful as an avenging angel. James looked at him, scowling. "Keep the bitch. I don't need this shit in my life."

Edward lunged at him, but I reached out, catching him around the waist. "Babe, stop, he's not worth it. Please babe, think," I urged, wrapping my arms around him to stop him from moving. He was shaking under my hands and I squeezed him tighter.

"She'll get tired of you too, man. Just you watch. Bella doesn't give a fuck about anyone."

I let go of Edward, whirling on James. "There is not a chance in hell I walk away from Edward," I snarled. "And even if Edward decided to walk away from me, I would never come running to you."

Edward wound his arms around my waist, yanking me back to him. His touch soothed the frayed edges of my nerves and James shook his head.

He opened his mouth, looking like he was about to speak when Chris and Phil appeared from the shadows, two massive shapes looming over him. James froze, looking at the bodyguards and shaking his head. He scowled.

"What the fuck ever," he growled, turning to storm down the beach. I was absolutely shaking, and Edward pulled me in tighter into his arms.

Fucking hell, what a day this had been.

"Baby, are you okay? You're shaking." Edward tugged me around to look up at him. Fuck, he was so beautiful and looking at him made my heart actually hurt with how much love I had for him.

Tears burned my eyes and my throat as I threw my arms around him. He folded himself around me, bringing me so tight against him, for a moment I couldn't breathe. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," he whispered against my neck. I shook my head, squeezing him tighter.

"I'm so sorry," I cried against his chest. "I love you so much."

I needed him with a soul deep craving, and I pulled back enough to yank his mouth down to meet mine. He groaned against me, meeting my desperation with his own.

"Fuck," he gasped as I bit at his lower lip. "Baby, we're in public."

"I don't fucking care," I growled, nipping at his mouth, before making my way down his jaw, toward his ear. He shuddered in my arms, and I pulled myself up him so that my legs were wrapped around his waist. He grunted, his hands settling under my ass as I ground down into him. "I love you so much that it drives me crazy," I growled against his throat. Edward backed up and shifted so that my back was against a large rock. I'd barely registered the landscape when I'd run down the beach, but now I used it to my advantage, arching against him to rub down on him harder.

"Fuck, Bella. I'm… fuck, sweetheart, we have to slow down," he gasped. I tugged at his hair, my fingers sinking deep into his scalp as I tilted his head back to nip more at his throat.

"I… can't… slow… down," I growled between nips. Edward ground back against me, and I lost all sense.

"Baby, I need to apologize to you." He was struggling to speak, and I smiled as my hands yanked his shirt up, my nails scratching down the lines of muscle down his chest.

"Later," I promised. I was so desperate for him; I was shaking again. Though this time, my body shook with pure desire.

With a supernatural will power, Edward pulled back from me, leaning me back against the rock enough so that his hands could come up to cup my face. "Sweetheart, I love you, but we can't do this on the beach at your friend's wedding," he said shaking his head. His chest was heaving with his breaths and I knew mine was too. Tears sprang to my eyes unexpectedly and Edward frowned, looking horrified. "Oh, Baby, I'm not rejecting you, you know that, right?" he demanded, wiping at my cheeks. I took in a shuddering breath, nodding.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying," I said, shaking my head. Edward took a deep breath, leaning his head against mine, gently kissing the tears from my cheeks.

"Bella, I'm so sorry about what I said to you," he said softly. He pulled back from me enough to look me in the eye. "I didn't mean any of it, and I've been such a fucking possessive and jealous asshole."

I frowned, more tears coming to my eyes. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes, Love, of course I know. I just, fuck. I fucked up."

I reached up to his face, brushing his own tears from his cheeks. "I choose you. I'm going to keep choosing you." I needed him to know. I desperately needed him to know.

More tears sprang to his eyes and he let out a shaky breath. "Bella, I choose you too. Fuck, I'm so sorry I said that shit to you, and for the way I've been acting. I'm an insecure, possessive fucker who obviously doesn't know a good thing when it's in his arms." He shook his head and leaned down to kiss me gently. "Baby, I love you so much. You are my whole world and I just don't know how to share you yet."

I let out a long breath. Fuck, we had so much to work through. I shook my head, kissing his palms. My head started to clear a bit, and I drew in a deep breath.

"I know, Babe. I know we have a lot to talk about, but let's not do it here, okay?"

Edward nodded, kissing my own palms. "Yes, you are right. I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "No more apologizing for us right now." I said gently. "Let's just," I sighed. "Can we just, go back to the wedding for a few minutes?"

Edward let out a long breath. "Of course, Love. Let's go." He set me down gently, leaning down to kiss me tenderly. I sighed against his lips. I still wanted him, desperately, but the urgency had melted away.

Edward wound his hand around mine and we pulled away from the rock. Chris and Phil were blessedly gone. I had completely forgotten about them when I'd jumped Edward. "Tell me the guys didn't see that," I whispered, glancing up at him. I was still aching for him, but he'd been absolutely right to stop us. Edward huffed.

"I think I saw them leave when you jumped at me." He shook his head. "I'll be sure to slip them a tip for tonight."

I sighed, shaking my head.

We made our way back to the tents, and saw some people were eating and some were dancing. I was hungry, but I wasn't quite ready to let go of Edward. "Will you dance with me?" I asked him, looking up at his face. He smiled at me, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

"Of course, love." He pulled me toward the dance floor just as the song changed. I smiled up at him as the song started. It was slower, and though I didn't recognize it, I immediately connected with it.

"What song is this?" I asked as I sank into his arms. He pulled me tighter against his chest, frowning.

"I think it's Taylor Swift," he said slowly. "I'm not sure what song it is, but it feels fitting."

I nodded, listening to the chorus. You're my, my, my, lover.

I smiled, leaning my head against his chest. He curled his arms around me as we moved softly to the song. There was so much that needed to be said between us, but right now, with the song playing, it was okay. We could just, be.

We stayed curled around each other until the song ended, transitioning into a slightly faster song. Edward looked down at me, and I pulled back from him enough to look up at him.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, let's eat, then let's go home," I said softly. I usually loved parties, but right now, all I wanted was to be with Edward. He nodded, gently guiding me off the dance floor. We grabbed plates and served ourselves at the buffet, finding a table to settle at and eat. We must have been both feeling the need to be closer together, because Edward moved his chair closer to mine when we sat, so we were practically sitting on top of each other. He pulled his arm around me and I leaned into his side as we ate. The food was delicious and I realized with some surprise that I was ravenous.

Halfway through our meal, Jess came by our table, and I grinned at her, setting my fork down. "Don't stop eating," she said plopping into the chair next to me. "I just wanted to say hi and thank you again for coming out here." She shook her head, her smile impossibly wide.

"Jess, of course. We were so happy we could make it," I said glancing at Edward. He nodded in agreement. "We got you and Ty something," I said nudging him. Edward reached into his jacket pocket, pulling the envelop out. I turned to Jess, handing it to her. She stared at it in surprise, and immediately ripped into it. "We looked into some basic genealogy history for you and Ty. Those are different trips your ancestors made around the world. Edward and I want to pay for you two to do one of those trips," I explained. Jess looked up at me, stunned. I knew one of her recent photography projects had been a genealogical photo series, documenting immigration of families across the world. I knew it meant a lot to her to be able to have her own journey to take.

"Bella, this is seriously…" she shook her head, gob smacked. "I'm speechless. This is… amazing. Seriously, so amazing!" she said looking up at me. I smiled at her and she reached out, yanking me into a sharp hug. I laughed, squeezing her back.

"Jess, you have been such an incredible friend. I feel like it's the least we can do," I said shaking my head. Jess squeezed me tighter before letting me go. She dabbed at her eyes, huffing a little.

"Great, now I'm crying," she said rolling her eyes. I giggled. "Bella, this means so much to me. I mean," she paused looking at me. "Well, you know how much I've wanted this," she said quietly. I nodded. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Both of you," she said looking at Edward. He offered her a warm smile.

"I'm more than happy to help you live this dream," he said shaking his head. "It's clear how much you mean to Bella. And that means a lot to me."

I smiled at him, reaching out to rub his knee. Jess sighed a little, shaking her head and giving him a sort of dreamy look. Edward smiled and looked at me. "Baby, I'm going to get some dessert. You want anything?"

I nodded and he smiled, kissing the side of my head as he stood. We watched him go and Jess sighed.

"Damn, Bella," she said shaking her head. I looked back at her. "That man is so crazy in love with you."

I smiled softly. "The feeling is totally mutual."

Jess' eyebrows went up. "I mean, I figured because the way you look at him, but I can't say I'm not surprised."

I nodded. "I know. It happened so suddenly, but he just…" I shook my head. "He's such an incredible person and sometimes when we're talking, I literally can't catch my breath looking at him. He's so beautiful, inside and out."

Jess was beaming at me. "Bella, this is so incredible," she said reaching out to me. Her hand came over mine, squeezing it gently. "Seriously, you deserve someone who would give you the world, and clearly Edward is that guy."

I shook my head. "I don't need the world anymore, Jess. I just need him."

Jess melted a little under my words, shaking her head. "Girl you're shocking the hell out of me and making me swoon all at once," she joked. I giggled. "Who knew you'd find someone who slowed you down," she said softly. I frowned.

"I don't know if he's slowed me down so much as shown me another way of living." I smiled softly. "He's opened my world up in ways that I just… I didn't know could be opened."

Jess softened a little. "Wow," she breathed. I nodded mutely. "Wow, I mean," she shook her head. "Who would have thought?"

I nodded. "I know."

Jess hummed and reached out to me. "Well, please tell me you are still at least partly your partying self because you bet your sweet ass we are doing shots later," she giggled. My eyes widened.

"Actually, Jess. I don't…" I paused. "Yeah, I love to party still, but I can't right now."

Jess frowned, her head cocking before I saw the realization in her eyes. Her gaze flew down to my stomach and she leaned in so close to me I thought she was going to crawl onto my lap. "Oh my god, you're pregnant?" she hissed, her eyes wide. I nodded and she shrieked, shocking me. I jumped, startled as she threw her arms around me. "Bella! This is the craziest night of my life and marrying Tyler has been literally the bottom of the reasons why!" she said laughing. I chuckled as she pulled back from me. "It's Edward's of course, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah. We haven't told many people yet, but…"

Jess nodded, reaching up to mime zipping her lips shut. "I won't breathe a word. Well, I'm going to tell Ty, but he won't tell anyone, I promise," she said grinning. I smiled at her. "Bella, this is so crazy. How are you?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. I mean, I'm still getting my head wrapped around it, but… well… I mean, if it had to happen, I wouldn't want it to have happened with anyone else," I admitted. Jess grinned.

"You guys are the cutest little family! I can't stand it! Your kid is going to be so fucking gorgeous," she sighed, shaking her head. "Well, let me know when you are due, because you bet your ass I will be flying out to LA as soon as it's born! I have to spoil my future niece or nephew absolutely rotten."

I laughed, not objecting. If Pip was lucky, they'd know Jess as an aunt. I'd see to that.

"I'll let you know when we are getting close," I promised her. She grinned, shaking her head.

"Bella, seriously, I can't believe how happy I am for you. I mean, you were fine over the summer, and totally a badass, but you've like got a grown-up life now." She frowned. "Fuck, I'm married so I guess I do too. Look at us go!" she cheered. I laughed.

"God I missed you," I said reaching out to her. She grinned at me.

"No matter the distance, chickee. You and me, we're soul mates."

I reached out and pulled her into another hug as I felt Edward settle down next to me again. Jess pulled back from me and let out a little breath. "Alright, I'll let you two eat. I guess I should go hunt down my husband anyway, I haven't kissed him in at least ten minutes." She winked at me and I laughed. "You take care of Bella," Jess said, pointing at Edward. He looked surprised but nodded. Jess grinned. "Oh my god, I'm so excited. Send me your address in LA so I can start sending you things. I fucking love baby clothes," she squealed. Edward's eyebrows went up as Jess stood, reaching down to kiss my cheeks. I smiled at her.

"Will do, Jess."

She squeezed my shoulder and came around to bend in front of Edward. "I mean it," she hissed by his ear. "Take care of my girl and your undoubtedly gorgeous offspring or I will whisk them off to live a fabulous life down here." She said glaring at him. He nodded and she grinned, pecking his cheeks. "Alright, I'm off to find my husband and see how fast I can get him to panic when I start talking about babies," she said straightening up. I laughed and waved as she left our table. Edward turned to me and I looked up at him.

"So, I guess Jess knows?" he asked. I snickered.

"Yeah, sorry. I had to tell her."

Edward shook his head, smirking. "It's fine, of course. Though I probably could have done without the threats," he said dryly. I snickered, reaching out to him and kissing the corner of his jaw.

"The threats are definitely unwarranted. You take care of me better than anyone, and I think she knows it."

Edward frowned, and I knew he was thinking about our fight earlier. I reached out to the slice of chocolate pie he'd grabbed, and dug in, bringing a bite of it up to his lips. I was trying to distract him, and I think he could tell, because he smiled softly, accepting the bite. He groaned a little and I squirmed in my chair, intrigued by the sound. He smirked, licking the chocolate from his lips. My eyes zeroed in on the movement as my breathing turned shallow. Edward took the fork from me and grabbed another bite, offering it up to me. My lips wrapped around the fork, and complex chocolatey flavors burst across my tongue. It was so good, I moaned, my eyes rolling back into my head.

"Fucking hell," Edward groaned. He was on his feet, yanking me up out of my seat before I knew what was happening.

"What's going on?" I asked, breathless. Edward looked at me, winding his hand through mine.

"We're going home, now." He growled. I shivered at the tone of his voice and nodded, licking my lips hungrily.

I glanced back behind me as we left the table, catching Jess' eye across the tables. I waved to her and she smirked, waving back to me. I giggled as Edward tugged on my hand impatiently, finally scooping me up in his arms and carrying me back toward the car. I laughed at his impatience.

"I don't have my shoes on," I said, realizing I was still barefoot. Where had my shoes gone?

"Don't care," Edward growled. I snickered as he brought me to the car. Phil opened the door for us, and Edward placed me in the back seat, crawling in after me. It was a regular SUV, so we couldn't make out in the backseat without Phil and Chris being privy to what we were up to. It was almost painful to keep my hands to myself, so I didn't. As soon as the car was moving, I reached out to Edward, one hand dragging up and down his thigh. His fists were clenched, and I could see his jaw ticking as he tried to breathe through the long strokes I was winding up and down his leg.

There was no way the drive out here had taken this fucking long.

By the time Chris was pulling up to our hotel, Edward was almost manic. He jumped out of the car, pulling me into his arms and carrying me inside. People were in the lobby, gaping at us, but Edward pushed past them, taking us straight to the elevators. I giggled against his chest as I watched people in our wake, staring at us looking a little stunned.

The elevator arrived, and Edward stepped in, immediately pressing the door close button.

I shifted in his arms the moment the doors started to close, and by the time they were shut and we were on our way up, my legs were wrapped around his waist and I was pinned against the wall, our mouths in a furious fight for dominance as we devoured each other.

Edward ground into me, pressing me against the elevator wall, and I shifted, his zipper hitting me just in the right way. I cried out, arching against him, grinding against him harder.

"Come on, Baby." He growled, his hand traveling from my ass. His fingers slipped under my panties and two fingers plunged into me.

"Fuck!" I panted, grinding against his hand. I was so fucking close, and he knew it. He worked me over, his fingers plunging deep into me, unrelenting as I ground against him. His fingers curled in me as he bit down on my neck, shattering me around him. Edward pulled me against his chest, bringing me away from the elevator wall while my orgasm still rocked through me.

Somehow, he got us back to our room, though for the life of me I couldn't say how.

The moment we were through the door, he spun, pinning me to the door and ripping off my panties. I groaned and ground against him, eager.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he groaned, kissing down my neck. His lips trailed the edges of my dress, kissing down my breasts while I reached down and tried to undo his pants. I finally got them undone and shoved them down his hips. He shifted so they fell with his boxers, and a second later, he was buried in me so deep, my whole body convulsed.

"Fuck!" I screamed.

Edward fucked me hard and fast against the door, our bodies coming together with feverish desperation. I was so close that I knew it wouldn't take long for me, so I squeezed Edward, swiveling my hips and grinding down on him. He let out a string of curses, his head falling to my shoulder as I did it again. His cock angled up, hitting me in that sweet spot and I screamed, my head flying back against the door. Edward thrust in me twice more, milking my orgasm before he was coming apart as well.

We were pressed against the door, both of us shivering and shaking with the aftershocks of our orgasms, too sensitive to move just yet.

"Wow," I breathed when I finally caught my breath. Edward let out a gruff laugh, pulling out of me and gently bringing my feet to the ground. I was still shaky, and he reached out to me, steadying me.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded. "I will be. Once my body stops coming," I said shaking my head. He snorted.

"Come on, love. I think a bath might be in order," he said gently. I smiled at him, nodding. A bath sounded perfect.

He led me through the suite toward the bathroom, flicking on the lights. The bathroom was gorgeous, though not as great as his master suite at home. Still, the tub was big and beautiful and would easily fit both of us.

I reached out, starting the water while Edward pulled his shirt off. I reached out, unzipping the side of my dress, but Edward stopped me, turning me to gaze down at my chest once more.

"Are you wearing a bra?" he asked. I smirked up at him.

"Why don't you find out?"

His eyes were dark as he carefully reached up to unhook the dress from around my neck.

The dress fell down my body and he shook his head, letting out a tight breath. I'd not worn a bra, not needing yet another thing pushing my boobs up.

Edward stared at my chest, mesmerized, and I snickered, drawing his attention up to my face. He grinned cheekily and kissed me gently. I smiled against him before he pulled away and stepped into the tub. He settled in and offered me his hand. I stepped in in front of him, leaning back against his chest. The warm water felt amazing and I let out a long, contented breath.

We curled up in the water, letting the tub fill a few more minutes before I sat up and stopped the faucet. I settled back against Edward's chest, my hands running lazily up his legs.

"Bella, I have to apologize again for the way I've been acting," Edward said softly. I took a deep breath. I didn't want to talk about all this right now, but I knew we needed to. His hands came around my stomach and I wound my fingers with his, squeezing his hands gently.

"Do you know what it was that's been bothering you?" I asked softly. I felt him breathe deeply under my back.

"Honestly, I don't know where to start," he said quietly. I frowned, but before I could look at him to ask him, he continued. "You are so alive here, with your friends, and I just…" he paused and took another deep breath. "I feel guilty, like you're giving up this essential part of who you are to be with me and live in my world. It scares me, to know that you have to give that up just to be with me."

I frowned. I understood what he was saying, though I hadn't thought about it in that way before. My nails trailed over the back of his hand while I tried to wrap my head around my thoughts. "I know things can't be like they were," I said quietly. "Part of me wishes they could be, but that's because I loved how my life was. I had fun and I got to do so much," I paused, feeling him tense under me. "But I'm also excited about what is to come. Don't get me wrong, I'm crazy scared, but I know there is no one in the world I'd rather face it with." I squeezed his hand, shifting so I could look up at him over my shoulder. "There will be space in my life for adventure and exploring. I know there will be, there has to be." I frowned slightly. "That will come back and in the meantime, we'll figure out new ways to adventure and explore," I said quietly.

Edward let out a long breath. "You're giving up too much. I feel like I don't have to give up anything by comparison."

I frowned. "I don't know that that's true. I know you've had to make a lot of compromises since I came into your life. Nothing about your world seems to be the same anymore," I pointed out. He smirked sadly and I smiled. "Maybe you were closer to being a functional human adult than I was, so your transition won't be as bumpy as mine," I pointed out. Edward shook his head.

"I don't know about that," he said quietly. I sighed, leaning my head against his chest. "I think I was just scared," he said after a minute. "You have this life and this world where people just adore you and you are so confident and capable and that's not my world. I don't want you to regret anything."

I frowned, thinking over his words. I was capable and confident when I was traveling, but that's only because I'd taken time to become that way. This new stage of life I was entering was totally new to me, but I'd already tackled one stage effectively enough, how hard could this new stage be?

"It got worse when I saw James." Edward's voice drew me out of my thoughts. I glanced up at him, curious. "I was jealous because you looked so happy to see him, and he was just so physical with you and you were reciprocating it so easily." He shook his head and spoke again before I could say anything. "I know you are a physical person, and I love that so much about you, but it made me so jealous to see the easiness between you two."

I frowned. I was a physical touch person. It was usually how I expressed affection. I hadn't even noticed it had happened with James. Now I didn't blame Edward so much for reacting the way he did. "I didn't realize I was so physical with him," I said after a moment. "It's just how we always were, I guess, and it felt natural to be that way with him." I frowned. "I'm sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable. I'll work on being more aware of how I touch people," I said looking up at him. He let out a tight breath.

"It wasn't just how you two touched," he said after a moment. "I felt threatened by his presence. He's the uninhibited, non-commitment version of your life that could have easily won out. He can offer you so much that I can't, and it scared the hell out of me to come face to face with that reality."

I shifted, looking up at him more fully. "James can't offer me anything," I said softly. "Once upon a time, he could, and I took him up on that. But there is nothing about what I had with him that could make me stick around for more." I frowned, scratching at his knee lightly. "Babe, even before I knew about Pip, I was coming up with excuses to stick around for you."

Edward looked surprised. "You wanted to wait for me?"

I nodded. "Part of me didn't want to, because it was too scary to think about wanting to wait around for a guy, but yeah. If I hadn't been pregnant, there's a good chance I would have been in LA when you got back. I wasn't done with you, and I now, I never will be."

Edward squeezed me in his arms and leaned down to kiss my shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm so insecure about our relationship," he murmured against my skin. I sighed.

"Do I not show or tell you often enough how much you mean to me?" I hated the idea that Edward didn't fully know how much I absolutely loved him. He had to know that he'd become my whole world.

"No, Bella. You show me every day. I'm just," he let out a tight breath. "I'm scared. This has happened so fast and you mean everything to me. I've never had anyone in my life I worried about losing like this."

Fuck. Did this come back to me disappearing on him? Had I known then that my actions would have these sorts of consequences, I never would have gone. "I'm not that person anymore," I whispered. I didn't know if I was telling him or myself. "I'm not going to leave again. I can't."

Edward shuddered under me, squeezing me tighter in his arms. I thought back to his question about marriage earlier. Yes, he'd caught me off guard, but I wanted him to know that if I was ever to get married, I could only ever see marrying him. I mean, the thought was paralyzing to me, but still. He had to know he was it for me.

I scratched the back of his hands again, taking a deep breath. "Ever since Jake, the idea of settling down and getting married and having kids has absolutely terrified me," I said quietly. I felt him still under me, waiting to see where I was going to take this. "It still terrifies me, and right now I'm only having to face two of those things." I looked up at him. He was staring at me, a question in his beautiful eyes. "I don't know about marriage," I said honestly. "It literally sends me into a panic to think about it and I know that probably makes you feel shitty, but I have to be honest with you," I said softly. His arms squeezed around me.

"I shouldn't have brought it up," he said shaking his head. "It's not something I'm ready for, and I knew you'd likely not be ready to talk about it either," he said softly. "I just… Bella, you have to know you're it for me, and I'm going to take you any way I can get you. If you're open to it one day, I'd happily marry you. If you need us to stay like this, then I'd take it. I don't care what we call ourselves, as long as you are in my life just like this," he said gently. Tears welled in my eyes. Edward was the marriage type. I knew that, and I wished I could give him an assurance that that was something I could give him one day. But the truth was, I didn't know that I could.

"You're it for me too," I said softly. "I don't know what that means in the future, but you're all I want. All I'll ever want."

He took a deep breath, his arms winding around me tighter. "I love you, Bella."

I leaned over, kissing his chest gently. "I love you too, Edward."

...

AN: Bella's love language is definitely physical touch, as is mine. It's something that's gotten me into trouble in the past because for people whose love language isn't physical touch, it's hard to sometimes perceive what is being communicated through a pat on the shoulder or hand holding. Edward and Bella are still learning so much about each other and how to be functioning, respectful partners to one another.

I had this sweet little story outline at the very beginning, but these two have fought me on it this whole time so now I'm throwing in the towel and letting them lead. I think perhaps the only things that remain from my original outline are the first two chapters as well as Pip.

Song was Lover by Taylor Swift.

As I mentioned above, my writing was non-existent this weekend. I'm going to be writing today and tomorrow (my only two days off in weeks) to get some chapters finished this week, but I'm not sure I'll be able to post as regular this week. Fingers crossed work gets done today and tomorrow and things can continue as scheduled!