Chapter 23 – Another Foundation Stone

"Do you really think this is going to work out?" I say to Esme doubtfully.

"My phone call with Angela was promising," Esme answers. "She has a degree in early childhood education and she grew up with twin brothers. She didn't seem phased when I told her what we need. I have to assume that since she's coming to talk to us today that she's genuinely interested."

"I guess that's good." I duck my head forward to look into Holly's blue eyes. I'm lying on the floor on my belly, the baby in front of me doing the same while I try to encourage her to lift up her head. We can only do this when Bram and Zeke are napping, and Holly hates it. "What do you think, little jellybean?"

Holly flops face down onto her blanket and wails.

"Yeah…I know what you mean." I give up on tummy time, and lift her upright against my shoulder. Holly's cries immediately abate and she snuffles into my neck, mouthing at my skin. "Are you getting hungry? Was holding up that pumpkin head hard work?" I hear a car coming down the drive. "That's probably Angela."

"Go and let her in," Esme directs me. "I'll warm Holly's bottle and you can feed her while we talk."

With Holly lying across my forearm like a sloth, I go and open the front door. "Hey."

I had remembered Angela from high school as a tall person with a serious face and kind smile, and looking at her climbing my front steps I don't think anything's changed. She's wearing pants and a sweater, her brown hair in a neat ponytail, and she pushes a pair of glasses up on her nose and grins at me. "Emmett…I would have recognised you anywhere. You look exactly the same."

I laugh. "I don't know, I think my mirror tells me something different...come on in. Thanks for coming." I step back.

"Thanks for talking to me. I'm really sorry about Rosalie," she says directly.

"Thanks."

"And this is Holly?" Angela leans towards Holly. "Hello little one…she's beautiful, Emmett. How old is she now?"

"Two months." I lead her down the hallway towards the living room, kicking aside some dropped toys and an abandoned pair of shoes. "Sorry I didn't pick up a bit more, it's not usually…well, no." I stop and look back her. "You may as well know what you're getting in to, if you decide you want this job – my house is always at least this messy."

Angela laughs. "You've got six kids- I was expecting a lot worse to be honest!"

"Angela!" Esme meets us in the living room. She hands me a bottle and then hugs Angela. "Hello! I remember you from Camden; you were in the orchestra with Edward…woodwind section? Was it flute or clarinet?"

"You've got a good memory! I played the flute," Angela says, hugging her back. "It's great to see you again Mrs Cullen."

"Please call me Esme. Do you still play?" Esme nudges Angela towards the sofa and sits down beside her.

"Dad always liked me to play at church so I kept it up a little, but I haven't played for a while," Angela says. She looks across at me. "I don't know if you remember, but my dad was a minister. He died a few months ago, and I came back to town to help my mother."

"I'm sorry about your dad." I sit in the recliner and offer Holly the bottle. "It sounds like you've got a lot to deal with."

Angela looks a little uncomfortable. "My mom's just gone into a nursing home, so she's settled now and I'm looking to get back to work." She digs into her bag and withdraws a plastic folder that she passes over to me. "I've printed out a copy of my resume, which has my qualifications and all my references so you can check them. I've explained all this to Esme on the phone, but I grew up looking after my twin brothers and babysitting around the neighbourhood. I worked at a childcare centre during college, where I studied early childhood education. After graduation I worked as a nanny for seven years; I stayed with my first family for just over two years, then almost five years with my last family – I still keep in touch with them all and their numbers are in my list of references. My next job was at a child care centre, I spent time working in all of their rooms and was in charge of the infant room when I left there. I took some time off and then took a job in an aged care facility, where I stayed until my father passed and I came home."

"From one end of the spectrum to the other," I comment. "Babies to old folks…it would have been a bit of a switch."

"Well it was a high-care aged facility, so it still involved diapers and blended food at times," Angela says lightly. "I needed a change and I enjoyed my time there, but I really missed working with kids and I'm ready to get back to childcare again."

"Well, that could be lucky for us," Esme says. "Now, you and I discussed most of this when we talked on the phone, but you're still happy with the hours being between eleven in the morning and eight at night? You'd have sole responsibility for the babies during the day, and the older children once the bus drops them off after school. Generally speaking Emmett will be home by six, and we thought that if you stayed for another couple of hours after that to help with getting dinner, homework, baths and bedtime done that would be ideal. It is a nine hour day," Esme finishes a little anxiously. "I know that's a long time, especially with so many children. But I thought we could start with that, and perhaps have a probationary period of a couple of months and then reassess."

"It won't be nine hours every day," I say. "I mean, it depends a bit on my bookings, but some days you'll be able to start later or leave earlier. Especially to begin with."

"I think it'll be fine," Angela says confidently. "I'm happy to be flexible around that basic schedule."

"Wonderful," Esme says. "As I said on the phone, your primary task will be childcare, with some light housework only as it pertains to the children – picking up toys, loading things into the dishwasher, switching laundry from the washer to dryer…that sort of thing. You'll have to make lunch for the babies, and dinner meal prep will be something that you and Emmett will have to work out. Of course you'll be provided with all the food and snacks you want here too." Esme looks uncertain. "I was thinking that we might try and make a weekly menu plan? Organise grocery delivery so that the ingredients are on hand?"

"I'd love to help with that," Angela offers. "I really enjoy cooking. As part of my early childhood degree I studied nutrition, and when I worked at my childcare centre I was involved in developing the meal plan." She grins at me a little shyly. "We can talk about what you and the kids like to eat, and I'll see what I can figure out."

"That sounds great," I say, trying to smile. "Daisy's kind of picky, but Mac and Noah aren't too fussy and I eat anything."

"What you want to do with the children during the day will be basically up to you," Esme goes on. "The little ones don't have any organised activities at the moment, but you'll have access to the minivan with their car seats and if you're comfortable doing so you're more than welcome to take them to the park or the library or baby gym. The school bus drops the older children off at the end of the driveway so you'll have to be home for that, but you won't have to do a school run. Daisy has gymnastics three days a week, but she walks to the gym after school and Emmett will pick her up and bring her home so that's nothing for you to worry about. We'll work out other activities like baseball when it's needed."

"I'm sure once we all get to know each other I'll be happy to take them out sometimes," Angela says. "You've got lots of space outside here too, and I saw the trampoline and the swing set and the outdoor toys when I drove in."

"We own the field out there that goes down to the river. Bram and Zeke are still kind of little, they've only been walking for a few weeks, but the other kids have always liked throwing sticks into the water and taking the walking path along the stream," I say. "At the moment the little twins nap for a couple of hours after lunch every day. Holly's still kind of all over the place, but we've been trying to get her into a routine where she'll sleep at the same time – hopefully that'll happen soon so you'll get something of a break each day."

"That would be good, and I'll work with you towards getting Holly into a settled routine, but I won't expect it to begin with," Angela says. "She's still so young. And Esme and I discussed an hourly rate of pay that takes into account a lack of regular breaks. I know that nannying isn't a strict nine-to-five job."

"She's an easy baby," I say softly, putting aside the empty bottle and lifting Holly. Half asleep she droops over my shoulder and hiccups, and I smile and kiss the sweet smelling curls covering her head. "Really; she hardly cries, just sleeps and eats and watches the other kids and smiles whenever anyone looks at her. Isn't that true, little jellybean?"

Holly yawns into my face, and closes her eyes.

"They're all good kids," I say a little awkwardly. "I mean, it'll be hard work, but…they're good kids. It's just that there's a lot of them, and the little twins are hitting that crazy toddler stage where it's like they're trying to kill themselves any time you turn your back. Holly needs you for everything but at least she can't run away if you put her down somewhere. The older kids are dealing with losing their mom and that's really hard for them, so there's been some acting out, but mostly they're all just smart and cute and funny as hell. Rosalie taught them all how to behave right from the day they were born, so they won't give you trouble…not any more trouble than you'd expect from eight and six and one year olds and newborns anyway," I finish lamely.

"They do need a lot of love and support right now, as they deal with their grief," Esme adds. "Losing their mother was a terrible blow, and they've all had their sense of security badly shaken. We feel that a consistent, regular carer here at home would be the best thing for them, and Bella couldn't speak more highly of you. So having said all that…are you still interested?"

"Yes, definitely. And I think…in the interests of honesty…I want you to know that I had a child," Angela says in a rush. "Micah. I moved from nannying to group care so I could take him to work with me. But when he was almost four he was killed in a car accident. That's really why I stopped doing child care and went to aged care – after losing Micah I just couldn't spend my days taking care of other people's kids when I didn't have mine. I really do feel ready to go back to it now, and I'd love to nanny for the same family long term again. I just wanted you to know…I understand a little about grief."

"I'm sorry about your son." I meet her eyes and see the flash of vulnerability in her face, a hidden wellspring of pain. Like me she has faced the unimaginable, and for a moment we connect and I think that this might work out for everyone.

"Thank you."

I stroke my hand across Holly's round cheek and grin at Angela. "I guess the only thing left to say is when can you start?"

She grins back at me. "Whenever you want."

"Maybe you can start next week? I don't really have too much lined up, but you could come for a couple of hours each day and just kind…get comfortable with the kids? Get them comfortable with you?" I shrug, half embarrassed. "I mean, I'm sure you're great and everything, but they've only ever stayed with me or Rosalie or Esme really."

"That's all right," Angela says. "Whatever you think."

Esme glances at her watch. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to dash off. Mac and Daisy and Noah will be dropped off soon; would you like to stay and meet them this afternoon, Angela? Emmett can show you around while you're waiting and give you more of an idea of what you're in for."

"That'd be great. Thank you for everything, Mrs Cullen."

"Oh, thank you. I'm so pleased. And you'll be seeing a lot of me, no doubt- there will be evenings when Emmett works late and Carlisle or I will be the ones here with you." Esme comes and gives me a quick hug, dropping a light kiss on Holly's forehead. "I'll talk to you later."

There's a long, awkward silence when Angela and I find ourselves alone. I've never had any trouble talking to anyone, but right now I feel completely out of my depth. It's a weight off my shoulders to have her agree to look after the kids while I go back to work, but it has also pushed me to the brink of another massive life change and I don't know if I'm ready for it.

And…it was never meant to be like this. Rosalie should still be here, strong and capable and bossing us all around while she enjoyed her maternity leave. Childcare was always supposed to be me, and Rosalie, and Esme. Family. Not…this.

Oh Rosa-girl, I miss you.

"Your house is really lovely," Angela says.

"Oh, thanks." I look around. "It's actually the house I grew up in, although this part's new – we did a big remodel about six months ago where we extended this living room and built on a new master suite and converted the attic to bedrooms. I'll put Holly in her bassinet and show you round before the kids get home."

There's another awkward moment when we enter my room, which is an absolute disaster area. I still don't like going in the closet so most of my clothes are mounded in a laundry basket in the corner of the room and piled on the dresser. The bed's unmade, with Noah's Banky left on the pillow and Holly's dirty clothes and swaddling blanket tossed carelessly on the end of it.

"This is my room," I mumble, laying Holly carefully in her bed and wrapping her in her swaddle before she stirs. "Although I usually end up with company most nights- mostly Noah, sometimes Mac or Daisy. I have Holly in here too, just because it's easier, but she has her own room and I'll move her bassinet in there when you're looking after her so you don't have to come in here." I can feel my cheeks redden.

"She's really adorable. The last family I nannied for I had a newborn and I really loved watching him grow." Angela looks down at Holly in the bassinet for a moment and then smiles at me gently. "I know that it probably feels strange for you to have me here, and it might take a while for you to be really comfortable with this arrangement. I get that. But I really am here to help."

I put Holly's zebra at her feet and gather up the dirty clothes and blankets so I can toss them in the hamper. "Yeah, sorry if I'm a bit off. I just never…this wasn't exactly the way I expected I'd have to do things, you know?"

"I definitely understand that." Angela follows me out of my room.

I open the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs and lead the way up. The landing at the top has a crammed bookcase and shelving unit, and the doors to the older kids' bedrooms. "We keep most of the books and all the toys that we don't want the babies to get at up here – Lego and board games and that kind of thing, and that cabinet has piles of craft stuff and play-doh and all that. You can take anything out that you want to use, it's just here so it's out of reach and they can't ruin things or hurt themselves. That's Daisy's room, and Mac and Noah share."

"Oh my god, this is amazing!" Angela stops in the doorway of Daisy's room, staring wide eyed at the under-the-sea mural I've painted on all four walls. "I remember you were always drawing at high school and I know you tattoo, but I didn't know…this looks fantastic!"

I can feel the smile break across my face. "Thanks. I've done all the kids' rooms...it's a bit over the top, but they chose what they wanted and they like it. Daisy has this, and Mac and Noah next door went with space. Holly's room still has the woodland mural I first did when Daisy was born, and Bram and Zeke have an Antarctica thing. You'll see in a sec, I think I hear them now."

We go back downstairs, and I notice that she automatically latches the baby gate at the bottom behind her. I speed up my tour as I head towards the twins' room. "Okay, this is the kitchen. That's the door to the basement; the laundry is down there. The spare room – my drafting table is in there, and the printer and a sofa bed and the computer and basically everything that we don't want the kids to touch. If you have a purse or whatever that you don't want the kids to get at it's probably safest in there. This is Holly's room. She doesn't sleep in here yet, although like I said I'll put the bassinet in here or you can transition her to the crib or whatever, but her clothes and spare diapers and stuff are all in the closet and the dresser. The kids' bathroom is here. And Bram and Zeke…hey my dudes." The two of them are awake, playing with blankets and their stuffed cat, and they look up at me with happy smiles as I swing the baby gate open. "They sleep together on the floor, so we just gate the room off so they can't escape."

"Hello!" Angela drops to her knees by the door and smiles at the boys, who are eyeing her curiously. "Hello Bram and Zeke…which one is which, Emmett? They're so similar! Is there an easy trick to telling them apart?"

"Not really," I admit, grabbing the diapers and rolling Bram onto his back. Zeke snatches the spare diaper and crawls to the other side of the mattress, pulling it over his head like a hat. "I mean, once you're familiar with them it's easy but it's really a lot of little things…this one is Bram, and his hair grows back from his forehead a bit more and his chin is kind of different and he's got a deeper dimple but…yeah, I'll just draw on them again for you. We colour coded them for the first four months of their lives with Sharpie dots on their hands so we could tell them apart."

Angela laughs. "Good idea. I'll learn though…won't I Zeke?" She holds out her hands to him. "Should I start helping Daddy by changing your diaper? What do you think? Is that okay?"

Zeke looks at her from under his diaper hat and grins, before he plucks it carefully from his head and hands it over. Angela lays him gently down beside Bram and tickles his belly to make him laugh…and just like that we're one step further on, laying down another foundation stone for our life without Rosalie. I hope it's a solid one.