A/N: Thank you all for reviewing and showing your support, since there was a heck of a lot more reviews on the last chapter, my gift to you is another chapter! Enjoy!
It was an excruciatingly long drive to her Captain's office, even though the drive was five miles away from the hospital. After she quite literally watched Regina walk out of her life, she threw a toddler tantrum and when she finally calmed down, she started her engine and drove with one destination in mind.
She kills the engine, then grips her steering wheel painfully tight, until her knuckles are white and the tension is rolling off her body. She exhales slowly, pockets her keys and exits her car.
She's slightly self-conscious about her appearance, considering she drove almost five hours during the night, cried her eyes out until she passed out in a rickety chair beside Thirteen's hospital bed, woke up, cried some more and spent the last half hour emotionally wrecked. She combs her fingers through her waves and grimaces when she stumbles upon a few too many knots. However, she readjusts her leather jacket, her armor, squares her shoulders and walks through the precinct.
"Swan, back so soon?" His smug voice carries easily through the building, persuading her eyes to roll in annoyance.
"Shut up, Jones," she grits through her clenched jaw, strutting right passed those crystal blue eyes tracking her every move.
That is until he grabs her elbow and forcefully stops her. "Hey," Killian softly says, his voice switching from pompous asshole to concerned partner. "What's wrong?"
She inhales deeply, the kind of breath that burns her lungs to singe away the torment aching in her chest. She studies the scruffy face before her, searching for any clue that Killian Jones might be trying to get into her pants once again. Except, there's a faint frown around his mouth and his dark eyebrows are knit together in concern and she caves because she's so utterly exhausted.
"Thirteen is in the hospital," and her tear ducts must have a direct switch that instantly fill her eyes with that salty liquid every time her mouth says Remy's name.
"Shit, Swan," Killian pauses, producing an audible gulp that sounds amplified in the space between them because he knows how much Remy means to her, even if he only met her once. "Is she going to..." he trails off, not being able to finish the sentence, but Emma's already shaking her head and he's tugging her against his chest and holding her close. "I'm sorry, love."
"Me too," she whispers, slowly wrapping her arms around him and allowing some sort of human contact to alleviate some of the pain aching in every inch of her body. Slowly, she steps out of his embrace and wipes away her tears. "I need to speak with Nolan."
"Right. Right," he mumbles, clenching her shoulder for moral support. "You need some time off? You think Nolan will allow that? You're undercover."
"Oh...he will," she dryly mutters under her breath and then shuffles toward her Captain's office without another word to her coworker, with her tail between her legs.
She lightly knocks against the heavy wooden door and sways nervously on her feet until she hears the muffled, "come in." She quickly slips inside and jerks the door firmly closed before he starts reaming her out for being in New York and not Maine.
"Swan," and it's not really a question, definitely a hint of surprise and maybe a little irritation. Her heart sinks, and if she had any clue what it would feel like to be scolded by a father for breaking curfew, she feels like maybe it would resemble something like this. "What the hell are you doing here?" He interrogates, throwing down his pen and jumping to his feet while he folds his arms across his broad chest.
And yes, she one hundred percent feels like a scolded teenager right now.
She attempts to swallow the large mass of nerves swelling in the back of her throat, while she clenches her fists together and summons all the courage she needs to do the one thing she never thought she would ever have to do in her career.
She hates admitting defeat.
"Captain, I need to remove myself from the case," her voice is strong, she's always strong, but he's known her for too long and he distinctly hears the tremble in her throat.
"Absolutely not, we are so close, Swan. We almost got the bastard."
"Nolan, I incriminated myself."
His baby blue eyes are squinting back at her while his head subtly tilts to the side and he tries to decipher if she's bullshitting him or not. "No," he says, shaking his head in disbelief. "You would never-"
"I blew my cover," she interrupts him before he reminds her how she's the top detective and she could never do something so stupid. "I told Regina Mills that I'm an undercover cop and that my name is Emma Swan."
"No, no," David complains, furiously scrubbing his hands down his face. "No! Come on, Swan!" He bellows, tearing his hands away, so he can glare at her with all the disappointment he can throw her way. "What the hell where you thinking?" He screams, and she's been on the receiving end of his booming voice before, but she has never felt tears prick at her eyes quite like this and the new sensation terrifies her to her very core.
She chalks it all up to her mental and physical exhaustion from the last twelve hours.
As much as she would love to blame all her problems on someone else, she has always been strong and independent, so she takes the fall. "I screwed up," she says with all the confidence she can scrounge up at the moment and lifts her chin high. "I fell for Regina on the job and placed myself and her family in danger."
"Come on, Swan. You have never been so reckless or careless on a case before."
"I know," she solemnly concludes. "I know. You were right, I shouldn't have taken the case. My mind wasn't ready after everything that happened," she wholeheartedly confesses even though the very thought makes her skin crawl because she has spent her whole life being in control and never surrendering to love.
"Damn right you weren't ready," David yells, before he starts pacing behind his desk and Emma stands perfectly still, waiting for her punishment. He clenches the back of his chair, pouring all his rage into the black leather from his fingertips. "Why couldn't you have just kept it in your pants?"
"I did," she firmly barks out to defend herself before her integrity and reputation are completely ruined. "I didn't sleep with her under false pretenses."
"Then why the hell did you give yourself up?"
She sighs heavily, hooks her thumbs into the back pockets of her jeans and nervously rocks from her heels to her toes. "Thirteen's dad called me, she doesn't have much time left. Maybe a day or two. I left Maine and drove here to say goodbye. Regina had some private investigator pull up my records and tail me the whole way to the hospital. I had no choice, if I ever want Regina to forgive me, and have a real shot with her, I have to be honest. I'm sorry but for once in my life, I'm choosing a future for myself. I can't lie to her anymore, but she ran off, pretty sure she's done with me now. I don't blame her, she has enough shit on her plate."
"Emma," David gasps, his tone flicking from furious to concerned father.
His head hangs as his mind allows the information to soak in and Emma studies his sandy-blonde hair that has sprouted a few more grey strands since she's been away. Her heart constricts painfully in her chest, knowing she has caused him more stress, but in the back of her mind, it's killing her that she has disappointed him.
"I know, I'm so sorry. I really hope you know how sorry I am," she squawks, her anxious rocking becoming more noticeable to her Captain. "So, where do we go from here? I'm assuming you want my badge."
David's hard glare snaps to attention, his face expressing his bewilderment. "What? Don't be stupid, Swan. You're my best detective, but I am going to force you to take two weeks off to get yourself back together," he declares, sliding back down into his chair and wheeling toward his desk. "Or until I feel you are ready to come back. Sit."
"Okay," she mumbles and sinks into the chair in front of his desk, a twitchy ball of nerves, like a child waiting for a suspension from the principal.
"First things first, do I need to make a call to Mayor Mills? Does she know who we are investigating?"
"I don't believe she has a clue and truthfully, I don't think she would leak any information. She's the mayor, I'm sure she doesn't want a scandal on her hands."
"I want her number anyways," he commands, sliding a pen and a pad of sticky notes her way. "I think it's best if I speak with her about how unfortunate it would be to her career if she involves herself."
Emma sighs heavily because the last thing Regina needs is her Captain calling to make some threats. "I really don't think this is necessary," she mumbles under her breath while her hand scribbles down the mayor's number.
"I need to cover all our tracks," David firmly demands, snatching the sticky paper away and slamming it down on top of his paperwork. "Now, I expect you to go back there and gather your stuff. You need a low-key exit, tell your friend, Ruby, that your father is sick, and you are needed at home."
"Okay," she mutters, her fingers fiddling in her lap while her nails scrape and pick at each other.
Her mouth is quickly filling with a burning acidic saliva that makes her queasy, provoking her knees to bounce excessively. An overwhelming sensation of regret and shame boils in her veins and suddenly she's not quite sure how she has deceived so many people in her past while working undercover. Of course, she's sick to her stomach about Regina and completely destroying their chance at a real relationship, but she feels just as bad for fooling Ruby and Belle. Both women were so trusting and offered her everything and she feels nauseous knowing that she took advantage.
This is exactly why she never allowed herself to attach to another human.
"And the kid?"
Emma's head snaps to attention, her watery eyes wide and assessing her angry Captain before her.
"What about Henry?" She timidly asks, unaware of how hard she's picking at her own nail-beds at the moment.
"What does this kid know about you? You specifically told me he broke into the house one time."
"Yeah, because your idiot crew did a shit job and forgot the side door in the basement," she defensively bristles, but Nolan narrows his eyes and she immediately deflates, knowing she is in no position to fight back after what she's done. "No, Henry doesn't know a damn thing. He's still trying to get over the fact that I'm not his mom from some damn fairytale."
"Good," David sternly states, scribbling something down on the paper in front of himself. He quickly presses a button on his phone, growling for Jones to come into his office and Killian is rushing through the door in a matter of seconds. "Sit, Jones."
"Don't tell me you canned Swan."
Emma breathes the faintest of laughs through her nose, because she knows these guys have her back.
"No, but you're taking over her case. Swan, I want you to sit down and go over everything with Jones-"
"Captain, I promise I will, but Thirteen only has-"
"Listen, this is what we are going to do. Jones, you are going to Storybrooke, now. You are going to snoop around town, asking for your ex-wife-"
"Go to Granny's diner," Emma tiredly chimes in, "speak to Ruby, trust me, you can't miss her. She will probably be suspicious, but that's because she's looking out for me."
"Good," Nolan says, "then you are going to cry over missing your wife and that you are in town to win her back, got it?"
"Aye."
"New York accent, understood?" David strictly commands, while Killian smirks in response.
"Of course, that is where I met my lovely wife, Allison Cameron," Killian says in the best New York accent which somehow brings a small smile to Emma's face.
One of her favorite past times in the precinct, when cases are slow, is Killian's entertainment of accents. Her favorite was when they were very slow one day and they had him speaking in a Jamaican accent the entire day. He's the king of voices and impressions.
"Hang out by the docks, that's where Gold's son has been. He's opening a business, but the other day he was having some shady meeting late at night. If you can dig around there, that's your best option," Emma dutifully informs him while he listens intently and nods along.
"Swan, after everything is settled with Thirteen," she swallows hard, her face falling and draining from all blood. "You are instructed to head back to Storybrooke, make an appearance, claim your father is sick, pack your stuff and head back to New York and take your leave of absence, understood?"
"Yes, I understand."
"Jones, you will stay in Storybrooke until this case is solved. You will tell everyone that you are waiting for your ex-wife to return and mend your broken relationship. Everyone on the same page?" He questions, his eyebrows lifting as he shifts his gaze between his detectives.
"Yes," Emma and Killian vow, nodding along.
"Good, now go you two," Nolan strictly orders, lifting up the sticky note and placing it directly in front of his phone, causing Emma's stomach to drop out completely.
She and Jones both stand and move to exit the office, but a thought occurs to her and she quickly spins back around and stands in front of the desk once more.
"Captain, I know I really have no right to be asking for anything right now..." the words die on her tongue as his piercing blue eyes bore into her curiously. She takes a deep breath and blurts out, "I was hoping maybe you can use one of your contacts and help me find a foster brother of mine?" He squints at her, twisting his lips into consideration, so she rushes on. "His name is Milo Jenkins, he was five years younger than me. Last time I saw him, his crackhead mother was taking him back home. He was from Boston."
David doesn't mutter a word, instead he slides over a pink pad of sticky notes and a pen and she hastily leans over his desk and writes down as much information as possible. She mumbles a thank you and dashes toward the door before he changes his mind, but before she can fully escape, he's calling out to her again.
"Emma."
She slowly breathes out her anxiety and peeks back inside his office. "Yeah, Captain?"
"Are you coming for Thanksgiving? Mary Margaret has been riding my ass," and finally he cracks a small smile that eases the tension knotted in her shoulders.
"Yeah, I think I will. Regina invited me to Thanksgiving at her place, but I'm fairly confident the offer no longer stands," she sadly confesses with a depressing frown curling around her mouth.
David nods curtly, a sympathetic frown etched around his mouth as well. "Probably not," he admits, but then his pout is morphing back into a smile. "But hey, I'm glad you're coming and more importantly, I'm glad you finally agreed. I was getting tired of our old song and dance," he lightly teases, then nods toward the door. "Go spend some time with Thirteen," he says before he picks up his phone and starts dialing, forcing Emma right out the door.
XXXX
She knows she should have driven straight to the hospital after the debacle at the precinct, but she felt disgusting. Her entire body felt heavy, weighed down by the stressors of her life, along with the grease and exhaustion from the lack of sleep and proper meals. So, she decided to stop at home for a quick shower and to brush her teeth before she spends more time isolated at the hospital.
She steps out of the shower, the steam engulfing her slick body as she reaches for a towel. She feels refreshed, ready to take on the rest of the day, even if she is still utterly exhausted. She quickly dries herself off and wraps the towel around her midsection. She wipes her hand across the mirror, too impatient to wait for the fog to clear, and finds a tired woman looking back at her.
Of course, she's tired, but what she truly sees in her reflection, is a woman who is tired of feeling so alone in this damn world. Behind the raccoon circles and the heavy bags before her, she finds the little five-year-old girl, those petrified green eyes glistening in a wetness from losing her parents. All that little girl ever wanted was a home to belong to, something more than four walls and roof that she could never claim as her own. She just wanted one person to take pity on her and see that this little girl had so much potential, just one person to take the time to really get to know her. As she grew older, she was convinced there was something so damaging to her soul that stuck out like a big ugly wort, that everyone could see, except for her.
The broken little girl looking back at her, slowly morphs into the young teenager, still hopeful that maybe someone will notice her if she is on her best behavior. She was so kind, so gentle, so full of life, plastering on that fake smile and pleading for someone to notice her. And when nobody ever did, it was the last piece of her that broke. She decided at seventeen, that this was the end of her childhood. No more foster homes, no more wishing and wanting for someone to take her home.
She blinks slowly, watching as the strong, confident, but utterly bitter seventeen-year-old glares back at her in the mirror. The young woman closed off her heart, she still vowed to be a genuinely good person, because there was always something inside of her that was just good-hearted, but no more hope for love, only to be let down time and time again. She was taking control of her life, determined to enter the police academy at eighteen and do something good in this world. She was going to build her own life, build her own home that nobody will ever kick her out of again. She was going to do the kicking out, so she would never run the risk of damaging her heart again.
And that's exactly what she did.
She stares deeply into her eyes that are almost a forest green today from the heavy weight inside her soul and she forces herself to think about Regina. Can she honestly change, after so many years of pushing people away to protect her broken heart? Can she finally allow someone into her life completely? More importantly, how is she ever going to bring Regina and Henry into her life while she's an undercover cop?
Going undercover requires dedication, sometimes she's gone for months at a time, could she really expect Regina and Henry to wait for her like that? Not to mention, the risk that is involved. Most of the time she's in the city, in sketchy areas, with shady people and dangerous situations that are life threatening. Can she really put Regina and Henry through that? How can she ask Regina to spend her life worrying for her like that? And if something did happen to her, Henry would be...
She shakes her head, there's no way she can remain an undercover cop and have a family.