Well, it has been a quick minute. And by a quick minute I of course mean, seven years. After several attempts at remembering my login details, here we are. I was honestly shocked it has been so long. As we spend more time at home these days, I found myself going back and binge watching the TV shows I loved as a teenager/young adult, including Rush. I think there is great comfort is revisiting shows and characters that had an impact on us at various times in our lives. Back when I started writing this story, I was a teenager who had recently lost a parent who took comfort in seeing characters whose lives felt as messy as mine did. Art is so important in helping us transcend our own worlds for awhile and be guests in someone else's; something that feels very good given how our world looks at the moment. Rush aired over ten years ago (wtf!) and streaming services were not a thing, we would be waiting week after week for an episode and re watching them usually meant cracking the DVD player out.

I went back and read my story from the start and honestly hated most of it. I did however, decide to leave it as it is and have decided to continue on with it, albeit hopefully with some better writing. For me it's interesting seeing how teenage me thought the world of real adults looked as I stumbled through finishing school and uni. I have now worked in the health and emergency services fields for several years and my perception of the world has changed. Things sure look different this side of 25 as well as this side of a global pandemic. I also have a different level of understanding for some of the characters now and went back and watched season four, I think for the first time since it aired. Boy, do I have issues with it. The acting is so fabulous all season but the storylines really irked me. Charlie is a bigger dickhead than I remember, Leon getting fired was so dumb and why was his niece working there? And Tash and Lawson hooking up was so stupid and leaving it on a cliff-hanger was a bit of a dog move. Anyway, rant over.

When I logged back in I noticed this story has been getting over 200 hits a month, most of which come from the USA. Either lots of people have VPNs or Rush has made it to a streaming service over there. So if that is you, welcome. It's been so long I would really love feedback so please leave a review of message me with your thoughts, should I keep going or close it out on once last chapter?

Lastly, this is a very difficult time for everyone. I hope you are all staying healthy, safe and home when you can. If you're struggling in isolation and need someone to talk to lifeline (13 11 14) is a great resource. If this story and any of its themes raises issues for you I encourage you to get in touch with your local sexual assault crisis line. In Australia this number is 1800 RESPECT and in the US it is 800. . Take care everyone.

It was over in an instant.

Josh hauled the kids out of the house and they cleared the scene heading straight for Shannon. lawson went to check on them 10 minutes later after being on the receiving end of a verbal spat from Tim who, thankfully hadn't even seemed to notice the kids had been smuggled out.

He stared into the back of the ambulance and saw a small blonde child clinging to Shannon sobbing into her shoulder as a few tears ran down Shannon's face. Lawson fought the urge to rush in and comfort them both as Josh pulled him back towards the house.

"We need a plan. Now the kids are out we need to make a move or we will be here for days,"

"yeah," lawson agreed, "get Kerry and we'll get her to sign off on it,"

As the words escaped his mouth three loud gunshots rang out from inside the house followed by a loud scream from a child.

"Get the ambulance out of here" he yelled loudly as everyone gathered around him, preparing for the worst as they stormed the house

Shannon stood leaning against the wall of a cubicle in the Children's hospital. It faced the aquarium that ran over several floors and luckily for her had been mesmerising the youngest of the two kids for several hours. Although shaken by their experience, both children had been given the all clear by the medical team and were waiting on their aunt to collect them.

"Those fish have it good I reckon" Harriet said to Shannon.

"Yeah? You think?"

"Sure, three meals a day, endless companionship, their one goal in life is to make peoples day better. No surprises, every day is the same". Harriet enthused.

"Don't know about that. Stuck in an endless cycle of people ogling at you with no escape and it's a bit of a dead end job, don't you think?" she smiled at the young girl.

"Guess you're a bit of a glass half empty type then?" Harriet questioned. "Is that a cop thing or just you".

"I don't even know anymore" Shannon responded. A tense silence fell over the room.

"They're dead, aren't they?" the girl abruptly asked Shannon.

"look, I really think it's best if you have a chat to your aunt about this when she gets here."

"Shannon, be straight with me. They're both gone. I know they are. It's what Dad always said he would do if she left him" Harriet moved to the couch beside the wall, out of ear shot of her younger brother.

"Do you want to tell me about what happened today? What's been going on at home generally?" Shannon asked softly trying to steer the topic into different ground.

"I'm not a big talker" the girl responded.

"Well that is something we have in common" Shannon paused. "I've found that maybe that's not the way to live though. Not telling anyone what's going on in your life doesn't make your life any better. All that stress is still there. But now you just get to be stressed and lonely at the same time."

"I just need to know for sure. So when we tell Hugo I can keep it together. Are they both gone?"

Shannon stayed silent. Kerry had called earlier to let her know Tim had shot his wife and then committed suicide by cop. Josh had shot him as he fired on Stella and he'd gone down instantly. They had agreed, Shannon would be there when they found out but it was best for the news to be delivered by the aunt.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I am sorry Harriet, your parents didn't survive today. They both died."

"Ok" she said slowly.

Before Shannon could say anything further, a plain clothed police officer walked in accompanied by middle aged woman with a grim expression on her face.

"Aunt Lucy" Harriet said as she ran into the woman's arms. It was the first time Shannon saw her act her tender age.

"Honey, are you ok? God I am so sorry." Her aunt exclaimed as she hugged her tightly.

"Shannon?" the officer question.

She spun around, seeing her old colleague from her first posting standing in the doorway.

"Emma" Shannon answered, surprised. "Long time no see, what are you doing here?"

"I'm with ESD now actually. For the next few months at least and then promoting into homicide."

"ESD? What is Ethical standards doing here, was he a cop?"

"Nah, the aunt Lucy is our admin officer. We are helping her out, thought the kids could come back to our base for a bit of debriefing. Speaking of, how are they going?"

"Yeah well, about that. Harriet the girl is 11 going on 35. She asked me directly about her parents and I couldn't lie to the kid, I just told her they were dead when you walked in"

"and the younger one? Does he know?" Emma asked.

"No, I think there is a lot of sheltering of him by his sister. No protection for her though, she is very across the shit show that is her childhood."

"Great. Well at least Lucy has her shit together. Kids future doesn't look completely hopeless." Emma said. "She must have decided to tell them here, just rip the bandaid off"

They looked over at the kids with their aunt, speaking quietly to them as she held their hands.

"So it's been far too long since we've touched base. How are things with you?" Emma asked Shannon

"Yeah, I didn't realise you had posted back to Melbourne or I would have been in touch" Shannon replied. "Things are fine, you?"

"Pretty good. Happy to not be locking up drunk teenagers from the streets of South Yarra anymore".

"Oh, the glory days of our policing years", Shannon laughed.

"God, if they were your glory days get out now". Emma responded. "You married yet? Anyone convinced you to have kids yet?"

"Negative on both fronts, what about you? Are you and Mitch still together?"

"Yeah, ten years this year. What happened between you and that gorgeous Sergeant from Richmond? I would have put money on you two getting your shit together."

"Lawson and I….well that's a bit of a story."

Reaching in to her pocket she gave Shannon her business card. "Well, I cannot wait to hear all the juicy details. Let's have a wine soon."

"Sure, I'll be in touch". Shannon responded as Lucy and the kids walked towards them.

"Thanks for your work today Sergeant. I'm going to take the kids back to the station for some counselling."

"No worries, if you need anything, you just get in touch. The investigators will be in touch to have a chat with the kids in the next few hours"

As they moved out towards the exit Harriet turned around and walked back towards Shannon. She hugged her tightly and Shannon knelt down in front of her.

"You're so brave. Honestly, the most bad ass 11yo I've ever met. You let some people take care of you now, ok?"

"Thanks Shannon, you too. And I hope you don't stay scared and lonely forever." She responded seriously.

"Right back at you kid." She said as she reached into her pocket for a card. "Whether it's next week or five years from now. You need anything at all, you call me ok?"

With a final wave goodbye, the young girl grabbed her brothers hand as they walked slowly towards the exit.

Back at TR base, Shannon sat in the change rooms staring at the floor. Stella barged in with the door slamming behind her jolting Shannon out her trance and activating her fight/flight response.

"Shit sorry, I thought you finished an hour ago." Stella looked at her curiously as she jumped to her feet.

"Yeah, um, yeah, I just got sidetracked but I'm heading off now. See you tomorrow". She smiled at Stella as she walked out of the change rooms towards the cars. She could feel herself on high alert, her heart rate rapidly pounding in her ears as she walked as quick as she could to the car. Just breathe. That's all she could think to herself.

The never ending feeling of panic had only mildly subsided when she got back to her apartment. It had been several days since she had been home and the place still resembled a disorganised teenagers bedroom. As she went around checking the locks on every door and window she sent Lawson a text.

Hey love, feeling wiped, I'm staying at mine tonight could just do with some alone time. Will chat tomorrow. X

As she set an alarm and climbed straight into bed her thoughts drifted to the young kids she'd spent the day with. "God life sucks" she said out loud to herself. She recognised the negative and anxious thoughts swirling through her head, pushing her closer to depression but she'd stopped caring. Her eyes tightly shut as she willed herself to get just a little bit of sleep.

So everyone, thoughts, feedback, should I continue? Em x