Chapter 20: Scenes from Appa's Back

Author's Note: These are some snippets of scenes from Aang and Katara's afternoons alone on Appa's back on the way to the South Pole.

"There's something I've always wanted to do, since the day we met," Aang confided.

"What's that?" Katara was curious.

They sat cross-legged, facing each other, knee to knee. He reached up and touched the beads at her hairline with his fingertips, then followed the tendrils to where they were fastened behind her head. "There. That was it." They both laughed a little at the childlike wonder of the gesture, and at its finally coming true.

"Can I try something?" She touched the tip of the arrow on his forehead with both forefingers, then traced the lines around his scalp to his collar. Then she picked up one of his hands and outlined the arrow there, following the line up his forearm to his sleeve. Then she did the same with the other hand. While they were both looking at his hands in hers, she impulsively brought his hand to her lips and kissed the arrow. The gesture moved him so much, he said her name and turned his hand to cup her face, the better to guide his lips to hers. He moved his fingers into her hair as he deepened the kiss, and then kept stroking her hair down her back after she broke away to catch her breath.

"I have an idea." She turned around, unfastening the clasps that bound her hair, so that it was totally loose. "Want to learn how to braid hair?"

"Is it ok if I say I really like kissing you?" Aang asked.

"It's ok if you say that." Katara answered coyly. "Is it ok if I say that?"

"It's ok if you say that." He waited.

"I really like kissing you too." she repeated.

"That is such a relief to hear!" he exclaimed. "I was so afraid I had bad breath or poor technique or too much slobber!"

"No, all of that is fine." She laughed. "Although I think both of our technique is improving with practice." She took a deep breath. "But if you're talking about the night of the play-it wasn't a bad kiss or anything. It was me. I was just unsure and not ready."

"I know, and that's ok!" Aang assured her. "I was wrong to push myself on you. I put my insecurity over your comfort, and put unfair pressure on you."

"You're being way too hard on yourself! At the time I was more mad at myself for not being able to give you what you wanted, or even to give you a straight answer, than I was at you for wanting me."

"I told myself I was helping you make up your mind, but I should have just listened to you instead. I never want to push you like that again." He was uncharacteristically serious, all of a sudden. "I really want you to know, if you ever don't want to kiss or anything, it's ok, it won't bother me at all. I try to pay attention, so if you're not into it we can stop, but I also want you to feel totally comfortable putting on the brakes for any reason."

"Thanks for saying that." Katara replied, a little baffled that he'd felt the need to be so explicit about something she took so completely for granted. "But I wasn't worried about that at all. I trust you. I figured we would take things slowly, since we are so young. And you know, it could just as easily go the other way too. I could be the one pushing you and making you uncomfortable."

The idea sounded crazy and somewhat thrilling to Aang. He couldn't imagine ever wanting to turn her down or slow her down, any touch from her being anything but enthusiastically welcome. "I trust you too. And yeah, taking things slowly sounds good."

"Would you rather go penguin sledding or glider flying?" Katara asked, continuing their game.

"Oh, that's hard. I think penguin sledding, but only because it's a novelty for me. If I lived on the South Pole, I would probably pick the glider. Would you rather live in Ba Sing Se, or the Fire Nation capital?"

"Huh. It's weird, but I think I'd say the Fire Nation. It's closer to the beach, and I was really starting to like their food. Plus, you know, Zuko. And I prefer to be far from Lake Laogai and the crystal catacombs. Would you rather fight Koh the face stealer or the Unagi?"

"The Unagi, easy. Koh is too creepy." Aang shuddered. "Would you rather fight Mai or Toph?"

"Mai. Toph can be terrifying. Would you rather kiss me, or die?"

"Well, obviously I'd rather kiss you than die." He answered quickly, then groaned, while she laughed at him. "Ugh. The cave!" He covered his face in exaggerated shame. "Have you ever said or done something so dumb and awkward that it just keeps coming back in your head months later, and you keep thinking about all the things you should have said instead?"

Katara thought for a moment, then cringed. "Maybe when I made a hat for Jet."

Aang laughed at the memory. "It was a really ugly hat, but I liked it."

"So what is it you would have said in the cave if you'd had months to think about it?" she wondered.

"I would have swept you into a dip and said, baby, our love is gonna light up this dark cave like fireworks." She cracked up at his fake suave voice. "Or even just: Yep." He nodded vigorously, his eyes wide and falsely guileless. "Yep. Great idea. Let's kiss. Even that would have been so much better. It was like my brain didn't know what to do! Of course I wanted to kiss you, but I couldn't let you know I wanted to, because then you'd know I liked you, and that would be too embarrassing."

"Um, sorry, but I already knew."

"Ugh, really? When did you know?"

"Maybe when you made me that necklace."

"I guess I wasn't all that subtle."

"It was sweet. And I like that about you. Your openness. The way you don't hold back." She found herself trying to put into words the quality of Aang's that attracted her the most. "The simple, matter-of-fact way you show your friends you care. The way you...give me...so much. Yourself." She trailed off, embarrassed that words were failing her.

He touched her face, bringing her close for a kiss, which seemed a perfect demonstration of that generosity of his that she'd just tried to describe. She placed her hand on top of his, holding his palm to her cheek. His lips pressed hers with uncomplicated sincerity, until she became so replete with gratitude that she practically whimpered. It was too much; she tore her lips away and hugged him tight.

"I'd rather kiss you than die too," Katara joked, to keep herself from getting weepy.

"I'd rather kiss you than anything." Aang pulled away from her hug just enough to grin at her and continue the joke. "Eat. Sleep. Fly. Breathe."

"Breathing is pretty important. Good thing you have a nose, so you can breathe and kiss at the same time."

"Wow, is that how it works? That sounds difficult. I think I need you to show me."

"I like that sound you make," Katara revealed shyly.

"I didn't know I was making a sound."

She thought a second, looking for a comparison. "It's a little like what Momo does when you scratch him in just the right spot."

"Well, you did say I'm a sweet little guy, just like Momo."

"I said that?" She winced, realizing now what that must have felt like for him. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's ok." Aang's eyes twinkled at her mischievously. "I'll be your sweet little guy if you keep doing that thing, and I'll keep making that sound."

"Deal."

"Close your eyes. I want to try something."

Katara obeyed and waited. She felt a sensation on her cheek that she'd never felt before. It was like—focused wind, small puffs of air that somehow gave tiny pinches to her skin. Gentle and soft. No contact, though she could tell Aang was close, his lips less than an inch from her cheek. The feeling traveled around her face: her temple, forehead, the tip of her nose, just over her parted lips.

"How are you doing that?" she breathed.

"I'm just kind of—blowing, and then bending the air with my mouth—so that the air itself is kissing you."

"There's a flow to it," Katara whispered. "Sliding back and forth between us. Like when we practice the figure 8 water bending form. Right around you, left around me, again, and again." Her lips demonstrated. "Infinite."

"It's like a new form of meditation," Aang murmured wonderingly, between kisses. "Totally focused on the present, mind utterly blank, communing with the spirits. Well, just one spirit." He looked into her bottomless blue eyes. "Yours."

It was almost time to come down for dinner. Aang turned away from Katara and started to move to Appa's head when she stopped him.

"I—uh—left a mark." She touched a purple splotch behind Aang's ear. "Does it hurt?"

He laughed. "You know I enjoyed it. Do you-" He pushed her hair aside. "You've got one too." He looked at the other side. "No, three. Sorry."

"Don't you dare apologize." They shared a knowing smirk.

He rubbed the back of his head, anticipating embarrassment. "Well, um, we probably don't want anyone else to see..."

"Don't worry, I'll heal it." She pulled her water out. "Show me where mine are." He touched each spot. She couldn't quite heal them completely—it wasn't as easy to work on herself, on a part of her body she couldn't see. But between her hair and darker skin tone, the marks were inconspicuous enough.

"Your turn." She began working with the water on the bruise on Aang's neck. His head fell to the side and he groaned.

"How is it possible that this feels even better than your mouth?"

Katara was somewhat surprised he hadn't said it already, but she was also a little glad, because she wasn't sure how she would respond.

She thought back to what she'd told Zuko, that she knew that she loved Aang as a friend, but wasn't sure if she was in love with him. Was that still true? Clearly she did have romantic feelings for him. She thought that was probably enough to allow her to answer truthfully that she loved him too, if put to the question. Maybe she'd know for sure how she felt when she heard him say it.

Was this what love felt like? If this was love, if it never got any bigger or better than this, she wouldn't be disappointed, because this was amazing. But at the same time, she felt sure that it would get bigger and better, because didn't it grow each day, with each kiss? Would she ever be able to say she was thoroughly in love with him, or would she always be falling? Sometimes she ruminated on the question while caressing his lips with hers. She focused on that accumulating emotion, on making it swell like a wave, growing her love from a trickle to a flood. She wanted to fall harder, faster, to catch up with him.

She thought she might be in the process of falling in love with him. Surely he'd be satisfied with that answer. She could almost taste his delight. Maybe she did know what she would say.

Again, she was just making it too complicated.

Again, she was grateful he wasn't pushing.

She tried to show him how she felt, not only with kisses, but with compliments, and little acts of service, like offering healing massages, or packing his favorite snacks for their afternoons on Appa's back. He didn't seem to be suffering from not hearing those words from her.

She concluded that there was no rush. The words would come when they came. They were so young, and had their whole lives to explore these feelings, though they seemed so endless that she was starting to wonder if that would be long enough. She could always just wait until he said it first. Surely it would be soon.

She would simply continue offering herself, in words and in his arms, and he'd be happy. She certainly was.

Aang had come so close to saying the words before they were even together—when leaving Ba Sing Se to meet the guru, on the day of the eclipse, when he'd just kissed her instead, in dreams. But now that such declarations finally seemed permissible, he surprised himself by not making one.

Most of all, it was because he didn't want to pressure her. Was hearing unwanted words really any different from enduring an unwelcome kiss? He could tell her that it was ok if she didn't return his love, but it would still make her feel guilty and obligated, and he wanted her to feel truly, totally free.

And also, yes, he had to admit that it would hurt if she didn't say it back. He knew he could handle that hurt, but he still didn't want to put himself through it unnecessarily, and was a little afraid it might put him back in that desperate, insecure place.

Of course, the worst case scenario was that she'd get completely scared off, tell him he was moving too fast, it was too serious, it was over. That seemed unlikely, judging from the way she responded to him lately, but even a small risk of such disaster was too much.

So, like the air bender he was, he talked around it, as he'd always done, referring vaguely to 'how I feel about you," using oblique, indirect language that did not demand a response, that could even go unnoticed if she wasn't paying attention. It was apt to just slip out unintentionally sometime: they were the only words in his head as he kissed her for hours.

He would never deny his feelings. If she or anyone asked, he'd admit it. He'd basically invited her to ask at least once, and she hadn't taken the bait. He told himself that withholding those three specific words wasn't dishonest, just reserved. He wasn't really a reserved person, but maybe she needed him to be, for now. He could express his love in other words, other ways.

He felt loved when they were together. He thought she did too. He tried to make sure of that.

It was enough.

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Next chapter: Aang and Katara have a hard conversation about a difficult experience from their past.