Chapter 23 – Talking
It had been just over three weeks since Jack's award ceremony and it had been a busy. The first week Elizabeth was busy trying to organize the schoolhouse and get ready for school to resume. Jack was busy settling back into a routine and working on the endless amount of paperwork that had been generated by Collins visit as well as the other Mounties. Neither had much time and they had very little time to talk. Jack tried a couple of times to talk to Elizabeth, but they were always interrupted. Lee had also returned to work. He was still in a wheelchair, but at least he was able to go to the office get things done. Jack was happy that Lee was healing and that he was back at work, but Jack still checked in out at the sawmill.
The first week of November, much to the displeasure of both Jack and Elizabeth, Charles showed up in Hope Valley. He went into the schoolhouse and tried to get Elizabeth to show him around. It turned out that Hamilton Shipping was doing business with Lee's sawmill and Charles had come out to check the operation. Elizabeth found little time for Charles, she was busy and frankly didn't want to deal with him. Elizabeth was able to keep hidden the fact that her father was behind Hamilton Shipping. She didn't want people to treat her any differently, besides she figured that since she didn't have anything to do with her family's money that her father's company wasn't an important fact for the citizens of Hope Valley to know. Elizabeth was back in school and the children took up much of her time. Charles ended up only staying in Hope Valley overnight. Both Jack and Elizabeth were glad to see him leave. Elizabeth had a feeling that would not be the last they saw of him, but she didn't care how many times that her father sent him, it wouldn't change her mind. Jack worried that even though Elizabeth had tried to make it clear to Charles that she wasn't interested, that he wouldn't give up.
The second week of November, was much as the first. Jack and Elizabeth were both busy. It was an especially trying week in school and Elizabeth really wanted some quiet time that weekend. Jack had helped Bill break up a counterfeiting ring. That ended up with Bill injured and a Senior Inspector of the Mounties arrested for his part in the crime. Elizabeth saw a part of it when Jack arrested a counterfeiter in town and he had pulled a gun. She was terrified that Jack was going to get hurt. When he looked over and saw her, he felt bad that she had to see that and he wanted to comfort her. Unfortunately, he had other things that needed to be taken care of and when he went to try and talk to Elizabeth, she didn't want to talk to him.
It was Sunday, November 13th heading into other week, and Jack was determined to spend some time with Elizabeth. He wanted to go on a horseback ride despite the overcast weather. He knew they needed to talk and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. Jack showed up at the cafe with both horses saddled. He knocked on the door, which Abigail answered. Then he waited for Elizabeth to come downstairs.
"We need to talk." Jack said. "I figured the only way we were likely to find some alone time, was to go for a horseback ride. I am not taking no for an answer. You have been back in Hope Valley for nearly a month and we have very little time together. I can't stand this. We need to talk and figure things out. A lot has happened and will you please just talk to me."
"Fine." Elizabeth said. "A short ride."
Elizabeth followed Jack outside and both mounted up. Jack had decided to ride out toward the old mine, he had heard some of the children were playing out there and wanted to check things out. Besides, there were few people on that path and Jack figured that it would be a great chance to talk. A sudden thunderstorm forced them to seek shelter in the mine after only riding for twenty minutes. Jack secured the horses near the entrance, as Elizabeth went further in. They saw were there had previously been a camp fire. Jack quickly made a fire to warm them and hopefully dry their clothes some. Not sure how long they would be there, Jack took it as an opportunity for them to finally talk.
"Why are you pushing us apart?" Jack asked. "You write that you love me, but then seem to hold me at arms length."
"Your the one who can't get over where I come from." Elizabeth retorted.
"I didn't say anything of the kind." Jack said. "I just said that we were from two different worlds."
"Yeah." Elizabeth said. "You couldn't wait to get away from Hamilton and me."
"I didn't want to get away from you." Jack said. "I just refused to become something I wasn't just to please your family. As long as I am a Mountie, I will never be good enough for your father. I am not going to give up my life's calling just to please your family."
"I didn't ask you to." Elizabeth said. "I wanted you with me. I wanted to share with you where I grew up."
"Honestly." Jack said. "It felt like you were a completely different person when you were in Hamilton. It was like I didn't know you. Frankly, I didn't feel that I could compete with what your family can offer you. My life is so much simpler and I was afraid your father was right when he told me that you would one day wake up and regret giving everything up. Not taking your place in society."
"What my father doesn't understand, is I never wanted a life of high society." Elizabeth said. "That is part of why I became a teacher. I want to make a difference in people's lives, beyond giving money. Why can't you understand I am okay walking away from my father's money. Your the one that complained that as long as I was tied to his apron strings, so were you. I told my father that he can't control my life anymore and that if he chose to cut me off then I didn't care. There were more important things in life then money."
"Really." Jack scoffed. "What about all those crates of books I helped unload? Do you expect me to believe those weren't from your father?"
"If you must know." Elizabeth said. "They were from my mother and my Aunt Agatha. They understand my desire to be a teacher. Do they wish I was closer, yes. But they understand why I wanted to come back out here. Both were horrified to learn children, and yes sixteen year olds are children, could walk into this mine being forced by whatever circumstances to give up their childhood and education.
When I made it clear that I was coming back here because I felt called to help these children and explained how little they had, to the point that I used my own salary to buy supplies for the children. My mother gave me some money to order some things that I needed. She must have seen the list I made and how I tried to figure out the bare minimum that I needed, so that I could make the money she gave me go as far as possible. They just wanted to make sure I had the materials that I needed, because everything that arrived was exactly what was on my list and more."
"I didn't know." Jack said. "But what difference if it is your mother and or your father, it is the same money and you depend on them."
"Actually, my father had no say and it does matter." Elizabeth said. "The money that my mother gave me is for the school and the children's needs. She doesn't think I should have to spend my salary to provide for the children. Besides, my mother and Aunt Agatha are wealthy independent of my father and uncle. And yes, one day I will receive a portion of that money. I don't need my father's money now or in the future. I didn't ask for the money from my aunt and mother, but they understand what it is like to have a father who doesn't approve of their relationship."
"It doesn't matter, your still rich." Jack said. "I will never be good enough for you in your families eyes."
"You just can't accept me for who I am." Elizabeth said.
"You've got that backwards." Jack huffed.
"You really believe that." Elizabeth asked. "What difference does it make if I inherite money from my mother and aunt in the future. It won't change the person that I am. Yes it may make life easier, but it won't fundamentally change who I am. Will it?"
Instead of answering her, Jack went to see if he could find some more firewood to keep the fire going, since the storm outside seemed it would last longer then he first thought. Jack hated fighting with Elizabeth and this talk wasn't going how he wanted it to go, so he took the need for more wood to clear his head for a moment. He thought that maybe they were just to different after all. She made sense, when she talked about the money and that it was different. Her mother and aunt had not put conditions on their money. He just wished that they could get to the core of what the problem was between them. There was something and Jack just couldn't put his finger on what it was that hung between them. There was something deeper that was pushing them apart. It was more then her family, more then the money, but Jack just couldn't name it. Not being able to figure things out bugged Jack. He made his life's work to figure things out and when he couldn't he was very frustrated.
When Jack returned with some more wood, he could see as well as sense that Elizabeth's mood had shifted. Before she was angry and now she seemed more sad and on the verge of tears. Jack just wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her, but he knew that they still had things to work out before he could do that. He his heart already hurt and he was trying to protect it from any further hurt. He absentmindedly touched his front pocket of his vest under his coat. It was there and he wanted more then anything to be able to not have it in his pocket anymore. Jack just worked on building up the fire, because he didn't know what to say. He was still trying to find the word he wanted to say when Elizabeth spoke.
"This isn't about wanting you to be something your not." She said. "And this isn't wanting you to fit into Hamilton. And this isn't about the fact we come from two different worlds."
"Then what is it about?" Jack said, yet almost afraid of the answer.
Elizabeth didn't speak for a moment, but tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. She looked down and took a deep breath before looking back up at Jack.
"Do you remember, Jack." She finally said slowly and quietly. "When you told me that Mounties don't get married. That if they wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one. I think they might have been right. It scares me to think that one day you might not come home. That what happened to your father could happen to you. I need to be able to sleep at night knowing that you're safe. That has been the problem from the beginning."
"I will be safe." Jack said.
"You can't guarantee that." Elizabeth said.
"No one can." Jack said. "But I am very good at what I do. And I am not afraid to face my fears."
"And I would never what to change that about you." Elizabeth said.
"That, right there." Jack said. "You saying that, that means the world to me."
Elizabeth couldn't respond. She just looked down and continued to let the tears that had spilled over fall. Jack hated to see her cry, but he resisted pulling her into his arms. They were finally getting the heart of the problem. Finally, Elizabeth looked back up and locked eyes with Jack before speaking.
"I don't know if I'm brave enough." She said. "To spend my life with someone as brave as you."
Jack didn't break their gaze, but just swallowed hard. Finally, Jack had to look away, because he couldn't continue to watch Elizabeth cry. It was breaking his heart and it took every ounce of restraint not to wrap his arms around her and try to comfort her. He was grateful that she had finally told him what the true problem was. He knew that he had to proceed with caution or he would risk losing her all together. He wondered if he hadn't lost her already, he took a deep breath and just proceeded.
"For lack of other words." Jack said. "I repeat, why are you pushing us apart? Why are you doing this? I get that you are scared, but don't we deserve a chance to try."
"I am just trying to be honest with you." Elizabeth said. "Jack don't you see? I am trying to tell you I am afraid of losing you. I am afraid that you are gonna die. Part of me keeps telling me it will be easier if I just don't even try."
Elizabeth continued to cry and Jack was losing his resolve to not wrap his arms around her and try to comfort her. He was just afraid of being further rejected. He knew that they needed to continue to talk and see if there wasn't some was to resolve Elizabeth's fears.
"Nobody know what the future's gonna bring." Jack said. "All I know, is what I feel for you. The real question is what do you feel for me?"
Elizabeth sniffed trying to stop the tears that came. She wanted to stop crying, but it was proving harder then she had thought. She looked at Jack. She looked deep into his green eyes. They eyes that had drawn her in from the start. She looked at his lips as they formed that little heart shape they did when he was trying to be serious. She wanted to kiss those lips, she wanted to claim them as her own. She wanted to tell him that she did love him. Looking back into his eyes, she started to lean in for a kiss. Just before Jack closed the distance, they heard barking coming from deeper in the mine. Both quickly turned toward the sound. When they heard the dog let out a low howl.
"Rip." Jack said. "How did he get out, he must be terrified, he hates thunder. We better go get him."
Both quickly leaned back and got up. Each grabbed a lantern and headed in to look for Rip. They came to where the main tunnel split into two other tunnels. Rip barked again. Elizabeth was sure that Rip was down the left tunnel and Jack was sure that he was down the right tunnel. Determined and stubborn as Elizabeth was, she didn't wait for Jack, but headed down the left tunnel. Jack chose to wait until she learned that she was wrong and come back before heading to get Rip.