Chapter 19: Gone

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

EPOV

Aside from the sounds of the rubber tires gripping the pavement and the low throttle of the engine, it was quiet in the car as I made my way down the winding road towards the small town of Monteaperti ten miles from Bella's family home. I drove slower than I normally would to not frighten Bella but mostly I drove this slower pace to allow myself the opportunity to enjoy being alone in her presence. Her presence was a drug to me, filling me with a glorious rush of calming warmth allowing me to achieve a rush of happiness and contentment I had never felt before.

In the confines of the small car, I soaked in all that was Bella - her scent, her sounds, the electricity that flowed across the distance between us penetrated deep into my being. I listened intently for signs of panic. Her natural instincts should have activated her nervous system releasing a wave of adrenaline triggering her fight or flight senses. But the sounds of her slow rhythmic heartbeat and steady breathing was evidence of the illogical serenity she felt in that moment. She should be panicking right now. Yes, there was the obvious situation of the chaos ensuing around us, but she should be panicking as any human should as a result of sharing a small space with a predator, of being trapped with no escape but death.

Of course, I knew I posed no danger to her. In the few short hours since I first met her, I knew that it had become an impossibility for me to hurt her. The mere thought of committing any action that would cause her harm elicited a shudder of repulsion from my body. My destiny was to protect her and in that I was absolute. But how could she have become so resolute in her own feelings? How could she have so quickly dismissed what I am? Was it possible for the depth of her emotions to match my own or had all my predator trappings clouded her senses allowing her to invite and welcome the monster in? Did those answers even matter to me? No. I was now her slave, I would protect and love her for the remainder of my existence and there would be no other reality for me. Even if she came to her senses and decided she didn't want me, I would remain hidden in the shadows, watching over her.

There were other questions to reconcile of course. Protecting her meant also protecting her choice for the life she wanted to lead. She had no interest in becoming a vampire. Humans were always begging for the chance to become an immortal. To be forever youthful, forever beautiful, never realizing or appreciating the sacrifices that would be made in their decision to become a vampire. The fact she understood that made me love her that much more if that were possible.

I knew with her decision I had to protect her from myself. Not from just my thirst or strength but also from my intense desire to spend an eternity with her, to never have to give her up. Could I allow her the natural progression of a human life if the ultimate ending meant being without her? Yes, I believed I could do that for her as I would never be able to deny her anything. But could I carry on after her human life ended? The answer was an unhesitant and resounding "No". A world without her in it was not a world I wished to be a part of.

I began considering what our life together might look like, exploring the possibilities. Of course, I wanted to experience what it would feel like to be sheathed in her warmth. To have her hands, her mouth caressing and tasting the very depths of my being. But what of the inherent dangers a physical relationship would involve? The possibility of the damage I could cause her pained me to my core. I knew I would gladly live a celibate life at her side if that is what it would take to protect her. Her protection won out over all my other wants and desires. But I had been given and held onto a glimmer of hope that maybe I could have it all with Bella, experience her humanity and allow it to envelope me, surrender myself to the wanton desires I held for her. I thought about Jaspers tale which he had hoped would show me that it was possible for us to make a life together, to be together in the most intimate ways possible. To be as husband and wife.

Wife

A word, a concept, that was foreign to me, one that I had not considered before now. But until now I had never been struck by such love and conviction. I knew beyond any doubt that I wanted to make this girl beside me, if she would have me, my wife.

The sound of her intensified heartbeat and quickened breathing, brought me back from my precious fantasies. I turned my focus immediately to her. I watched her face as she sat in the passage seat next to me. Her previous expression of contentment had been replaced with one of stress and pain.

"Tell me what you're thinking, my love," I asked concerned.

"I was thinking how much my life has shifted in just twenty-four hours. Just three days ago I was sitting in my dorm room laughing with my friends. Now…" she trailed off. "It just seems like a lifetime ago already," she recovered.

"Do you regret meeting me?" I asked.

She yanked her head around to stare at me. The intensity and conviction in her eyes gave me my answer and calmed the fear before she spoke the words.

"Absolutely not!" she snapped. "No, that's an impossibility. I could live a thousand years and never regret that, Edward. I just wish…" she paused. She turned her head from mine to gaze out the passenger window, trying to conceal her emotions from me. But as it is with humans, she was too slow, and I watched in anguish as a single tear released its grip from the corner of her eye and began its decent down her flushed cheek.

"Anything, Bella. Whatever your wish, it's yours," I quickly exclaimed wanting nothing else but to lessen her pain, and in effect my own. She was master over me. She commanded my heart and my soul without question. I would gladly surrender all of me, all I had, to her.

"I wish we had more time," she answered barely above a whisper as she continued gazing out her window.

"We do have time, love. You aren't giving up hope now. I won't allow that. I will keep you safe," I stated sternly and with conviction.

"And my parents?" she replied. Her head slowly turned in my direction once more, pleading with her eyes and no longer apprehensive to show me the depth of her emotions. I grimaced at the sight of her now reddened eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Can you promise you will keep them safe as well, for me, no matter what?" she questioned in a pleading tone.

I quickly thought of the most appropriate answer. I knew I was walking dangerous ground. I would not be able to bare the guilt of breaking a promise to her, so I thought through my answer carefully. Of course, I would do all that was in my power to try to save them. To protect her family and my own. I would gladly sacrifice myself for any of them. But Bella was the priority.

"Bella, I promise you I will do everything in my power to protect all of them but only after I'm assured you are safe. Your safety is all our priority now. Nothing else matters," I replied.

I could feel her gaze still upon me. I listened for her heartbeat to see is she had picked up on my own doubts as to my ability to not only save her but her parents. But her heartbeat had slowed. The smell of her tears still lingered in the air, but her soft sobs had waned. Her breathing steadied once again. She became quiet and still. I looked to her again and saw a look of determination rested on her face. Stern. As if she had come to a decision and settled on it. This terrified me.

"Don't stop, tell me more of what you're thinking," I pleaded with her as she looked forward, out the window to the open road ahead of us. She held her lips tightly together and shook her head slightly.

"Please," I pressed, growing concerned.

She smiled, still looking ahead. A shallow, forced smile that never reached her eyes.

"I was thinking how very much I love you, Edward Cullen," she spoke softly as she locked eyes with me once again.

I reached over and took her small delicate hand in mine and brought it to my face. I breathed in the scent of her. I laid kisses on her palm, her wrist, the back of her hand. I brought the back of her hand up to my cheek to feel the warmth as I watched the road before us. She flipped her wrist and was cupping my cheek with her palm while her thumb rubbed circles on my jawline and moved to lightly graze my lip.

She finally spoke. "Whatever I wish?" she probed.

I glanced at her and smiled my half smile. She knew I could deny her nothing. I nodded my confirmation.

"Pull the car over," she said.

I released her hand and began slowing and downshifting the vehicle. I found a narrow patch of gravel on the side of the road and eased the car into the space. I shut off the engine and shifted my position to face Bella. She acted in turn. She reached up and cupped my cheek again and resumed her previous ministrations, my skin still retaining the remnants of warmth from her previous strokes. Her touch was glorious. She inched closer to me and leaned her head forward until our lips were almost touching.

"Kiss me," she said softly. Her warm, sweet breath washed over my face. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes.

A small moan escaped from my lips as I exhaled. I pulled her to me, as close as the confines of the car would allow. I held her tightly around the waist and placed my free hand on the back of her head bringing my lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around my neck and tried to pull me even closer, lifting her own body up and on to the arm rest between us. Our lips began fighting each other for dominance. Her tongue crossed over her plump lips lightly tasting my own. I opened my mouth allowing her the entrance she begged for. Our tongues began to dance with one another as our kiss deepened.

We found ourselves both moaning in pleasure, tugging and pulling at each other's hair and clothes trying desperately to find a way to bring our bodies even closer together. We wanted to fuse ourselves, to remove all physical barriers and become one. Bella lifted herself to her knees and crawled over the arm rest and positioned herself to straddle my lap. Her hips began to rock rhythmically against me. A low growl escaped my mouth as I moved my lips to her neck. Bella was gasping for breath as she clung to my hair, entwining her fingers in the strands, tugging as she sped her hips' motions against me. She kissed my temple, moving to the space behind my ear causing shivers of pleasure to course through my body.

"Marry me," I muttered absentmindedly as I buried my face into the crook of her neck. I wasn't even sure I had said it out loud until Bella let out a gasp in response. I looked up to find her staring at me wide-eyed in disbelief. She was frozen in place as her eyes searched mine, darting back and forth. She smiled; this smile was genuine. It reached her eyes and replaced the lustful cloudiness with brightness. She bit her bottom lip as she tried to find the words to respond.

"You do realize I'm underage. It may cause a scandal if we don't wait a couple of years," she said nearly laughing, a moment of levity cutting through the sexual tension that was hellbent on consuming us.

"I'll wait forever, I'm not going anywhere," I replied kissing her lips eagerly, wanting to get back to what we were doing as quickly as possible. I did realize she had not really given me an answer, but she had not run away screaming either. Yes, I would wait a lifetime if I had to.

Just as we began to kiss again, a passing car sped by honking their horn. Bella broke our kiss and smiled down at me. She placed a final kiss on my lips as she removed herself from my lap and retook her seat next to me buckling her seat belt.

"We should probably get going before someone reports us for indecency," she said. I sighed and reluctantly agreed.

Soon we were driving through the streets of Monterpearti. I glanced at the position of the sun overhead through the front windshield of the car and remembered Bella would be needing to eat soon. I spied a small café as we rounded a corner.

"Lunch?" I questioned, nodding my chin towards the café.

She nodded halfheartedly and I pulled into a parking space along the curb on the opposite side of the road from the café in front of a rundown pub. Once we had exited the car, I took her hand in mine as we crossed the street. We navigated through the maze of bistro tables located along the sidewalk in front of the café and took up residence at an empty table-for-two near the corner of the building.

A waiter appeared a moment later handing us menus. Bella indicated her selection quickly to the waiter and closed her menu. I ordered a coffee for pretense's sake. She sat in silent thought across the table from me, never making eye contact.

Bella had fallen silent after our encounter on the side of the road. Her silence was a deafening siren in my head. The silence along with the plethora of emotions, expressions that played out on her face were causes of great concern for me. I longed for nothing more so than the ability to read her thoughts. I wanted to comfort her, remove her stress and pain.

As I was beginning to form the words to probe her for details on what was going through her mind, my phone rang. The sound penetrated Bella's thoughts causing her to startle slightly. As she looked up from the napkin she had been twisting in her lap, her eyes met mine. A single tear rolled down her cheek in that moment and an overwhelming sense of dread took hold in my gut.

The phone rang out again. Aggravated at the interruption, I looked at the caller ID to discover it was Demetri. I looked back up to Bella who was now staring off in the distance appearing to be lost in deep thought. I reached for her hand to bring her back to me for a moment.

"I need to take this call, my love," I informed her.

She nodded slightly and gave me a warm smile. I stood and moved to her side of the table and leaned down to kiss her. Before I pulled away, she grabbed both sides of my face and held me only an inch from her face.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead to mine for just a second before releasing my face. She looked down, returning her hands to her lap to begin twisting her napkin once again.

The dread that I held in my gut creeped into my heart and my entire body shuddered. The phone rang again.

"Hello," I tersely answered the phone through my clenched jaw.

As Demetri began relaying information to me, I walked from the table out onto the sidewalk and headed around the corner of the building to ensure the other diners would not hear what they would consider to be a rather confusing and alarming conversation. I also wanted to protect Bella from hearing. I wanted to allow her this precious time, to talk, enjoy each other's company while I tried my damnedest to briefly lift the weight of what's to come from her shoulders.

Demetri informed me of a change in plans. It seemed Alice saw that James had changed course and in effect, altered all our original plans. As he was finishing his explanation of the new visions, I heard glass breaking in the background, over the phone.

"Demetri, what's happening?" I demanded.

I could hear him addressing who I assumed to be Alice in the background. The concern in his voice raising to a fevered pitch as she spoke her next words to him. My pacing feet came to an immediate halt as she spoke the words.

"Edward, where's Bella now? Where's my daughter?" he demanded of me, in a panic-stricken voice, returning to the phone.

My feet began to move again, much too quickly with so many witnesses around. With Alice's words echoing in my head, I didn't care who saw me in that moment. I rushed around the corner of the building looking towards the table where I had left Bella.

Her chair was pushed out from the table, the napkin she had been twisting and turning and pulling on, laid on the ground. My arm went limp as I dropped it to my side, the phone slipped from my grasp and smacked the pavement making an ominous cracking sound. All the air left my body as the terrifying, crushing realization hit me.

Gone

Well, who knew the world would be hit by a virus just as I had picked back up my story? I am now working from home watching events unfold in the world, grateful that I can escape for just a bit into this fantasy world. My heart goes out to everyone. Stay safe, stay healthy. Above all else, look out for one another and remember how precious and important our humanity is.