Chapter 35 – Grateful

Bella

Just like how I never forgot the feeling of being in Edward's arms, I knew I'd never forget what it felt like to hold our daughter for the first time. Having her there with me, having them both with me, was the most incredible thing in the world, and I was so beyond grateful for the blessing of being reunited.

But as amazing as it felt, I knew we still had our work cut out for us. There was a lot of lost time to make up for, and I didn't want to waste a single moment of it.

I needed to know everything that I missed – I needed to know Bree – so I asked carefully, not wanting to overwhelm her or seem pushy. Surprisingly, she told me much more than I expected. At first she was a little shy, but then suddenly, with an encouraging wink from Edward, she seemed to completely open up. She told me about her different homes and how some were better than others, and she also told me about her most recent foster siblings and how they ripped her beloved Cullen poster.

"But it doesn't matter anymore, because he's my dad so I don't need a poster," she told me excitedly.

The three of us sat on that park bench for over two hours, and Bree talked almost the entire time, only pausing when Edward described his version of events that lead to their union. Of course, she did interrupt him a few times to make sure he was telling the story right, and there was no way to not smile at that.

Their bond was as clear as day, and I was finally able to understand what her case worker had meant when he reported that she was thriving, because she really was. She adored Edward and he adored her, and if it had turned out that they weren't biologically related, I could honestly see how separating them would have been terribly traumatic.

There was still so much I wanted to know about her, but we had time, so the three of us decided we had been in the park long enough and we took off walking.

"It's past lunch, why don't we stop and get something to eat?" Edward suggested.

"Hey, that café isn't far from here. Can we eat there again?" Bree asked.

"My café?" I said surprised. "You've eaten there before?"

"Second Chances is your café?" Bree asked excitedly. "Can we eat for free?"

Edward and I both chuckled. "Of course, you can," I assured her.

She bounced along happily. "It'll be just like when I used to eat the trash."

"Huh?"

"Your café had the best in the city," she clarified.

I took a deep breath and tried not to show my distress from the topic. I absolutely hated that she had lived alone on the streets for so long, and the fact that she had actually been that close to me made me that much more upset. I didn't understand why I couldn't have found her sooner and saved her from months of hardships, but I had to keep reminding myself that everything happened for a reason. Had Bree not found Edward the way that she did, perhaps our reunion wouldn't have been so perfect. Perhaps those awful people who had her before would have put up a bigger custody fight and I wouldn't have been able to meet her at all. I was grateful for every step it took to get us to that very moment, so I had to keep trying to not dwell on the negative.

Of course, it was hard not to dwell on the fact that Edward was most certainly keeping his distance from me. It was wrong of me to think we'd just fall into the perfect family; nothing was ever that simple. However, with that amazing reunion kiss we shared that morning, I was surprised that he wasn't at least a little more affectionate. We couldn't exactly make out in front of our daughter, but if he would've only held my hand, or even just given me some kind of clue that he still wanted me, it would have made all the difference. He wouldn't even make solid eye contact with me. Every time our eyes met, he would quickly look away, making it painfully obvious that he didn't feel the way I did.

But I couldn't be greedy. I had my daughter back, and that was all that mattered.

Bree bounced in the booth all throughout lunch, but the fact that she asked to sit next to me made my heart melt. She actually wanted to sit with me, and Edward didn't even have to nudge her to do it.

It was weird being a customer in my own café, especially when Jacob kept coming over and 'casually' asking us if we needed anything else in an attempt to eavesdrop. And when we were done eating, Bree asked to see the kitchen, so we went back there and she proceeded to give the cooks hugs – "Thanks for leaving food out for me" – she told them.

She was friendly, made plenty of eye contact, and like any other kid her age, she hardly took a breath between words when she spoke. I had no idea how she acted around all the case workers and therapist she encountered in the past, but I truly couldn't see how anyone would ever think there was something wrong with her. Perhaps it was the fact that she had been so jumbled around that she never had time to acclimate anywhere, and now, with Edward's influence, she was finally able to relax and express herself. It was just one more way that the two of them belonged together. But as the day wore on, and the sun got lower in the sky, I began to get nervous. Was she going to come home with me, or should I let it go and plan out more of a split living arrangement with Edward at a later date?

Thankfully, I wasn't the only one thinking about it, and Bree had it all planned out…

"Can we go home now?" she asked Edward. "I want my mom to see my room and spend the night so we can all stay together."

"Um," he hesitated. "Sure, I guess. I mean, if she wants to."

They both looked at me for an answer.

"I'd love to spend the night with you," I told her, but then bit my lip as Edward and I made real eye contact for the first time all afternoon.

"Great! So let's go to your place and pick up your stuff for the slumber party, and then we can go home and watch a movie and have popcorn."

When we arrived at my apartment, Bree immediately started looking around and figuring where everything was at, and she easily found Jacob's old room which I had redecorated with girly stuff for her. She politely said "Thank you," but it was clear that she wasn't too happy about the thought of staying there, and neither was Edward. He was extremely uncomfortable as he awkwardly stood in the living room waiting for us to be ready to leave.

I grabbed a small duffel bag and filled it with a change of clothes and all my toiletry essentials, and then we took off for Edward's apartment.

The cab ride to get there took longer than I expected, but I certainly wasn't surprised to see the apartment building he lived in. It was fitting of any rock star, and I had to wonder how a little girl could ever feel like a kid and be comfortable in such a fancy place, but then I actually saw the inside of their apartment….

"Yeah, it's a bit of a mess," Edward said embarrassedly as we walked inside and he hurried to grab the cups and dishes left about. "This morning, when I left for the hearing, I certainly didn't think you'd ever be here," he explained sheepishly.

"It's fine, really," I said, relieved it didn't have that stiff 'rich' feeling that I had expected. Bree had books on the end tables in the living room, he had his tennis shoes by the couch, and they both had coats, sweatshirts, and even discarded socks everywhere. It felt very homey, and I was so glad.

"Come see my room!" Bree said excitedly, before grabbing my hand and pulling me down the back hall, and I nearly cried again when I saw it. There was no pink or butterflies like I had put in her room at my place, and I immediately realized that wasn't who Bree was. She liked music and real art; not the cartoon childish stuff I had assumed a ten year old would want. Her room reflected exactly the kind of amazing kid she was, and I knew I had to change her room at my place if she was ever going to feel comfortable there.

The three of us all relaxed a bit as we played a couple of board games, and then we watched a movie. Because it had been a long day, Bree decided to get to bed fairly early.

"You sure you're ready for bed?" Edward asked skeptically. "It's only eight; you usually stay up until nine thirty."

She yawned. "Yeah, we got up early this morning, remember? And I want to get up early tomorrow morning again so we can make breakfast together."

"Alright, get on to bed then. I'll be in to say goodnight in a bit."

"Okay," she said with a smile, and then turned to me. "Will you come say goodnight too?"

"Of course."

Edward and I gave her a minute to use the restroom and brush her teeth, and then we both went in to kiss her goodnight, but I wasn't ready to leave just yet. "Can I lie in here with you for a little while?" I asked her after Edward left.

She nodded. "You can sleep all night in here if you want. It's not a big bed, but it's more comfortable than the couch."

"Thanks," I told her.

It didn't take long for her to fall asleep, so I just stared at her in awe for a while.

My baby.

Watching her sleep reminded me of all the times I used to lie awake in my bed, just feeling her move inside of me and daydreaming about what she would look like. And I had been exactly right. I could see her so clearly back then, and even after I was told she had died, a small part of me never believed it. She was alive, she was there, and it was all real.

I wasn't sure how long I stared at her slumbering, but at some point, her bedroom door squeaked open and I reflexively looked towards it.

"Oh, sorry," Edward mumbled.

He was about to leave, but I stopped him. "No, it's fine," I assured him as sat up carefully, hoping not to shake the bed and wake Bree.

"I just wanted to let you know that my bed has fresh sheets for you," he said quietly.

"Oh, I was just going to sleep in here with her," I told him.

"She thrashes in her sleep," he warned me lightly. "She'll be completely flipped around by morning."

I giggled before stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. "I can't get over how much she looks like you," I told him.

"Like me? I can't believe I missed how much she looks like you. You're all I see when I look at her now. She's absolutely beautiful, just like her mom."

I was glad it was dark, because I could feel my face flood with heat.

"Well, the bed is available if you get too abused during the night," he told me with a smile in his voice. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I replied, but as he left, I was once again feeling confused. The three of us fit so well together, and I honestly did feel like I had known Edward forever, but there was still that bewildering tension between us that left me reeling. He kissed me so passionately just that morning, but then things got weird and I didn't know what that meant.

As much as I wanted to lie there with Bree all night, I refused to let that weirdness go on any longer. We had already lost too much time, so I got out of her bed and went to talk to Edward.

"Hey," he said, surprised to see me. He was sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV, and I had to admit, it was surreal seeing him in such a casual position after only seeing him in my dreams and on the cover of magazines for so long. "Did she kick you in the face already?" he asked with a chuckle.

"No," I told him, intending to sound light but failing horribly.

"What's wrong?" he asked concerned.

My plan was to boldly ask him why he hadn't kissed me again, but as I stared at him and tried to find my voice, something in me snapped. The next thing I knew, I had crawled onto his lap and was straddling his waist, and before he could say anything, I planted my lips to his. He kissed me back reservedly at first, but just when I started to think he wasn't a willing participant, he pulled me tighter into him and kissed me hard.

Whatever reason he had been keeping his distance before, he certainly wasn't anymore. There was a sort of frenzy that erupted between us, and we kissed and groped as much of the other as we could reach. It was eleven years of pent up longing desires, and it felt so amazing that everything else disappeared.

I didn't really notice when he lifted me up and carried me down the hall to his bedroom. I didn't feel my clothes coming off, and my brain never consciously told my hands to remove his clothes either. Everything was just so raw and natural that thinking wasn't even necessary. But when his lips moved to my neck and my head fell back as a response, I forced my mind back into the moment because I wanted to remember every second of it.

Suddenly, for a brief moment, I became self-conscious. The last time we were together we were basically fully dressed. In fact, I had never really been naked in front of anyone, but as his lips trailed down my chest, and he let out a low moan which vibrated right though me and down my spine, all my trepidations vanished. Every touch, every kiss, every sound he made conveyed nothing but passionate desire, and for the first time in my life, I actually felt sexy. Edward Masen wanted me. He saw every inch of me and still wanted me. How could I ever feel insecure after that?

He moved us onto the bed, and my legs reflexively parted to welcome him between them. His lips crashed back down to mine as he reached between us to get himself into the right position, and then he lifted his head back just enough to look me in the eye as he pushed into me slowly.

"Bella," he breathed. He kissed me again as he began moving, and when his rhythm increased, he said my name again. It was as if he couldn't believe it was actually happening, and I felt the exact same way.

The taste of his skin, the flavor of his lips, the feeling of him inside of me, it was all so amazing that I didn't know how I could survive it. Was it possible to die from pleasure? If so, I'd die happily and never regret it.

He pushed and I'd pull, he'd give and I'd take. It was an agonizingly blissful battle against the impending explosion, but unfortunately, neither of us were strong enough to fight for long and we both completely succumbed and were left panting for air.

I had never felt anything like it, but after a few minutes to catch our breaths, Edward proved that I hadn't even begun to experience real ecstasy.

We made love all night, with each time somehow getting better than the previous. Just as dawn started breaking through the blinds, I finally felt myself drift off into the serenity of his embrace.

I had no idea what the new day would bring, but I couldn't wait to find out. I only hoped we'd have a couple hours to sleep first…