Everybody needs somebody, at least one person with whom they can share anything, no matter how painful or humiliating. I may have occasionally liked to pretend otherwise, but of course in this respect I am just the same as anybody. When it comes down to it, friends are the ones who are not afraid to tell you what you need to hear, and who are there to pick up the pieces afterwards.
Excerpt from 'Interview With An Assassin'
The trail had grown infuriatingly cold. Dekaras glared darkly into the drink standing in front of him, as if it were somehow responsible for the frustration he was feeling. The plain fact was that he was temporarily stuck here in this dull little excuse for a town, and there was nothing he could do about it. Edwin had arrived here in Beregost, he knew that much. But then the boy had apparently headed south, accompanied by a local mercenary for hire, a dwarf named Kagain, and nobody in town seemed to know any specifics about where they had gone. Kagain was known for being very discreet about the people who employed him and to get upset about enquiries about them. That wouldn't have stopped Dekaras from making an attempt, but unfortunately the dwarf was currently out of town, and it was uncertain when he would return.
Thus, the assassin had no other choice than to wait, and he was finding it immensely annoying. He was normally much more patient than this, but 'normally' wasn't an applicable word when it concerned Edwin. Not having any idea of where the wizard was, or if he was well, was making him very tense. He's so reckless…he could get himself into any sort of terrible mess, involve himself in some half-baked and dangerous scheme and not be able to disentangle himself on his own. Not to mention what might happen if he should stumble across some powerful magical spell and decide to play around with it. Anything might happen. And meanwhile I am stuck here, waiting for some dwarf who might have decided to go off and visit his relatives for a couple of decades or so. It's intolerable.
Last night he'd even had one of his recurring nightmares, a sure sign of being under stress. This was the one where he had to try to keep track of a few dozen infant versions of Edwin all at once, all of them cheerfully and innocently playing with fire, running towards deep chasms, pulling the manes of lions, eating dangerous substances, teasing demons or falling into lakes. Too many, far too many, and every time he managed to catch one child and pull him back to safety two more popped into existence, happily risking their lives. Too many…too fast. But I have to keep him safe. I have to. He had finally woken up a little before dawn, covered in cold sweat and unable to go to sleep again, and it had put him in a foul mood for the rest of the day. And to think there are people who say that you become a calmer, more serene person by having children. Ha!
Eventually he had come to this dingy little tavern known as the 'Jovial Juggler', in the hopes that having some people around him might distract him from his worries a little. So far it hadn't helped. He'd had a drink or two, and he'd participated in a game of darts. Unfortunately, now nobody wanted to play against him anymore. Cowards. Well, at least I increased my funds a little. And right now he was sitting alone at a table, watching the other customers. Nobody particularly interesting was present. There was the usual mix of farmers, merchants, caravan guards, a random adventurer here and there. Nobody he particularly fancied talking to. Sighing, he stared into his mug of dark ale. His reflection didn't look very happy to see him. Come to think of it, it didn't look very healthy either. He'd been on a more or less constant move these past few days and hadn't eaten all that much. Or slept, for that matter. I guess I'd better slow down a little. Still, he couldn't get rid of the feeling that Edwin needed him and needed him soon. And if I came too late, I would never forgive myself.
Dekaras shook his head. This was getting him nowhere, and worse, he knew that if he allowed these thoughts to continue, he risked thinking himself straight into the mental equivalent of a deep, dark pit, just the same as he had in Icewind Dale. It wasn't that simple to not think of something though. And then, just as he had managed to quit staring into the ale and moved along to staring at the worn tabletop in front of him, he was attacked. A small, but compact body tackled him from below the table, overturning it completely, and wormed itself onto his lap, bouncing cheerfully in a rather painful manner. Meanwhile, a pair of small, but muscular arms wrapped themselves tightly around his throat, squeezing. The one thing that stopped him from immediately gutting the offender was that the creature planted a big kiss straight on his nose, something that most hired killers definitely wouldn't do. In fact, he knew of only one who would. Impossible! A chirpy voice squealed delightedly into his ear.
"Hi Dekkie! Boy, I sure am glad to see you! You've been away from home for ages. Aren't you coming home soon? We all miss you and little Eddie-kins. Where is he? He isn't hiding from his Auntie Poppy, is he? Speaking of hiding, I can't believe you didn't spot me just now, I must be getting really good at sneaking. You aren't ill or something are you? You don't look too good. Here, I'll kiss it all better." Another soppy wet kiss, this one on his forehead.
Dekaras sagged down in his chair, trying to get some air into his aching lungs. His eyes widened as he took in the face right in front of him. A smiling halfling face, round and red-cheeked, with merry and glittering brown eyes and shining brown curls. She'd braided them, one corner of his mind idly noticed, the way she often did when she was working, and now had a pair of stubby pigtails sticking out almost at straight angles from her skull, decorated by a large red bows. The clothes were more non-descript though; a fact of the assassin's working conditions that always irritated her since she loved bright colors. "Poppy?" he said, sounding as incredulous as he felt.
The halfling grinned widely. "That's me! Your very own Best Friend, in the flesh. Aren't you happy to see me? You look a little funny."
"Poppy, I'm always happy to see you…but could you please stop bouncing about like that? It hurts a bit."
It was a few minutes later, and Dekaras had finally managed to make his Best Friend stop bouncing, as well as trying to strangle him with her enthusiastic hugs. She was still sitting on his lap though, since she had declared that none of the chairs in the tavern were halfling-sized, and that she didn't want to spend the rest of the evening getting a crick in her neck from trying to see his face. She had also ordered one of her favorite drinks, a sticky sweet monstrosity that looked more or less like a liquid fruit salad and that she happily claimed 'would put more fur on her feet'. She had already swallowed more than half of it. "So," Poppy said. "Where is my favorite little wizard?"
"Er…" Dekaras said. 'I lost him' seemed to lack that certain something. Before he had the time to say anything however, the conversation was interrupted.
"You there!" a loud voice said. "The halfling! I demand that you give yourself up right now, in the name of the law!" A young man in shining armor was striding towards the table where the two assassins were sitting, looking highly indignant. He had a face of the sort that a knight novel would probably call 'a noble countenance', and no doubt some women would normally have found him attractive. Not at the moment though. At the moment, his hair was a bright, nauseatingly bright green, something that clashed with the angry red of his face. The fact that the big sword he was holding was glowing viciously blue didn't make things any better.
"Ooops…" Poppy said, giving her friend a sheepish grin.
Dekaras sighed. "Poppy," he said. "What's this all about?"
"I'll tell you what it's all about!" the knight raged. "That…that little monster sold me a special hair oil, for ten gold pieces, and now look at me! I was a beautiful natural blond, and now I look like…like a vegetable! Or an orc!"
Dekaras looked at him. "Well," he said. "Maybe you have a lovely personality." He paused. "On second thought, probably not. It seems you have the brains of a vegetable as well, and I wouldn't want to insult any orcs by comparing them to you. Go away before you manage to seriously annoy me." He put a certain edge into his voice as he spoke the last sentence, but the knight was too furious to pay proper attention.
"Aren't you listening?" he screamed. "My hair is green! I'm a paladin of the Noble Order Of The Most Radiant Heart, and I WILL NOT BE MOCKED LIKE THIS BY SOME MINUTE VILLAINOUS LITTLE HAIRDRESSER!"
Oh, wonderful, Dekaras thought. A paladin. Just what I needed to make my day complete.
"Hey!" Poppy piped up, gulping down the last of her drink and then burping violently. "I'm no hairdresser! That hair oil was meant to kill you, but I guess the poison must have gone old or something. Dekkie, do you want to take a look at my poison supply? You're better with those things than I am."
Dekaras quietly put his hand across his face. Not again. She always gets talkative when she gets drunk. And this young fool is likely to…
"Base villains!" the paladin trumpeted, his eyes almost bulging from his skull. "I shall use my trusty sword, the Extra Super Special Foeslaying Virgindefender…I mean Virtuedefender…to chastise you properly, or my name is not Sir Pontus Pious!"
Not before I use my trusty, and totally anonymous, but very sharp throwing dagger to puncture your left eyeball, you twit. Which I will do if you so much as try to bruise either of us. "Oh," Dekaras said, letting his voice settle into a lazy drawl calculated to annoy. Despite his original desire for peace and quiet, by now he was rather enjoying himself. "I suppose that means your name isn't Sir Pontus Pious then?"
The paladin frowned as he tried to work his way through this, but before he could answer another newcomer came hurrying towards the table, looking particularly murderous. This second fellow was also wearing armor, but it wasn't the least bit shiny. It was dark, had vicious spikes on the shoulder pads, and was 'decorated' with a large number of evil-looking skulls. It actually reminded Dekaras a little of Sarevok. It seemed to be his style. Even the helmet followed the same theme, and this second young man's angrily red face peered out from under a monstrous thing that was probably meant to resemble a dragon's cranium. It had long sharp teeth, glowing red stones for eyes, and the sword the man was carrying was glowing red as well. "You! Halfling!" he said in an accusing voice. "For what you did to me I'm going to cleave you in two, and then I'll cleave those two bits in two so that I get…uhhh….er…"
"Four bits?" Dekaras said.
"Yeah! Urh…four bits! That's right!"
"Perhaps we could leave advanced mathematics for now," the assassin suggested. "What exactly seems to be the problem?"
"The problem? THE PROBLEM? Just look at this!" He tore off his helmet to reveal exactly what the problem was. A pair of long, white and fluffy white ears slowly unfolded and then bobbed gently up and down, twitching nervously at all the loud noises around. "SEE?" the man screamed. "SHE GAVE ME RABBIT EARS! SHE SOLD ME AN EARWAX REMOVER AND IT TURNED MY EARS INTO RABBIT EARS!"
Dekaras gave his friend an inquiring look.
"It was meant to be a deadly poison," Poppy said, shrugging. "I guess my supplies must really have gone funny. And the priest who hired me was going to pay me well too…what a shame." She gave the angry man in the spiky armor a cheerful smile. "Hey, at least you got yourself a pair of cute little rabbit ears! I think they're much prettier than your old ones."
"CUTE RABBIT EARS? I AM SIR NOXIOUS FEARSOME, BLACKGUARD AND SCOURGE OF THE NORTH! BLACKGUARDS DON'T HAVE RABBIT EARS!"
"Looks like they do now," Dekaras said, as he was mentally calculating the best way to take out both paladin and blackguard. "Who knows, if you're lucky you may even start a new fashion. Maybe you could become an earring model." This sort of thing always seems to happen whenever I go out on the town with Poppy. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed it.
Meanwhile, Sir Pontus Pious had managed to finally comprehend the insult that had been aimed at him, and he didn't like it at all. "Insolent churl!" he told the seated assassin. "My sword is too good for you anyway! Tremble, villain! For I shall use the power of my God to Smite Evil, as is granted to me once a day!" He pointed a triumphant finger at Dekaras.
"I think you would do better to go and have a nice lie down in a dark and quiet room," the assassin said. "In time, and with the proper healing spells, the delusions might go away." Smite? What kind of person actually uses that word?
"Ha! I'll show you! SMITE! SMITE, SMITE, SMITE!" A beam of dazzling blue light shot out of his fingertip.
"Ick," Poppy said, watching the light with great interest. "Does that hurt, Dekkie?"
"It tickles a bit," Dekaras said as he watched the blue light that was sparkling off his clothes. He gave the paladin a polite look. "Is it meant to do that?"
"No! It's meant to strike you down with righteous fury! It won't work! Why won't it work?"
"Move aside, stupid!" the anti-paladin sneered. "If you weren't as thick as a plank, you'd understand that no true Servant of Evil would insult me, a genuine blackguard. Clearly, he is a sickening Minion of Goodness! But I'll show him how it's done! I'll just use my AWESOME power to Smite Good, like I can do once a day!" Dekaras couldn't help but notice that this time around it was the middle finger that was used. Possibly that gave extra Evil Points. Also, the light that shot out of the finger was a dazzling red, which intermingled with the blue one to create a rather violent purple. Apart from that, nothing much happened.
"But…" the blackguard whined. "Why isn't it working?"
"Are you done soon?" Dekaras asked him, once again using his politest voice. "This is getting rather tedious, actually. I could always pretend to be in terrible agony if you want me to." Meanwhile he made an almost invisible signal that only Poppy was able to pick up on. The halfling nodded and mouthed a quiet 'You go left, I go right'. Then she swiftly hurled her glass, which was a heavy and solid one, straight at the still outstretched arm of the paladin. At the same time, Dekaras did the same with his own mug, managing a solid hit on the blackguard's elbow. Red and blue light trembled, wavered, and got completely knocked off target. Both men screamed with pain as their respective divine powers hit each other, and then they dropped dead – literally so.
"Oh, goody!" Poppy said. "That means I can collect on the assignments after all. "Thanks for the help, Dekkie!"
"You're welcome," the taller assassin said as he got up from the table. "And I'm sure I've told you before not to call me that."
"Of course you have, Dekkie. Do you want another drink? I'll pay; it was my fault we had to waste them. And the targets as well."
Dekaras shook his head. "No," he said. "I think I'd prefer to go somewhere where we can speak in private. Somewhere where we aren't too easily spotted." He looked himself over and grimaced with disgust at the bright purple glow that still surrounded his entire body. Little purple sparks shot off his fingertips whenever he touched anything. "Not that I see how I could possibly manage to be discreet while glowing like a streetlamp…"
The truth hurt. Yet the thought of lying never crossed his mind. Not to her. Concealing the truth might have been an option, skirting around it in clever feints the way he sometimes did when he needed to. But no, that wasn't really an option either. She knew him far too well for that, and he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Never that. "I lost him," Dekaras said, absentmindedly noticing how empty and distant his voice sounded, as if it was coming from miles away. "I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere I must have done something terribly wrong, or he would never have acted the way he did. I only wish I knew what it was that I did, even if I can't take it back now." Memories came floating back, drifting into his memory like persistent ghosts, whispering in mournful voices. The bleakness of the empty ice fields. The cold emptiness that had entered his heart in the moment when he had realized that Edwin must have deceived him on purpose, the despair that still hadn't left him, though he was better able to suppress it now. The wound inside was still open, still hurting, though the flow of blood had slowed.
He had needed privacy for this conversation but hadn't wanted to retreat to the room he had rented for the night. He needed fresh air, and open space, not the sensation of dirty walls pressing in and people moving in the corridor outside or in the adjoining rooms. Not the smells of unwashed bodies, or the sounds of laughter, arguing, lovemaking, fighting. The scent of pines, the distant yapping of a hunting fox, those were far more to his liking at the moment, and so he had asked his friend to accompany him to a quiet spot some distance into the woods around Beregost.
It was a rocky hill; one that could be relatively easily climbed, but still would make certain that nobody was going to stumble across them by accident. The rocks were old, and mostly smooth, and at one point a little ways down from the top of the hill there was a small plateau, one that formed a natural seat where you could rest almost as comfortably as in an armchair, provided you didn't mind the fact that your legs were dangling at about the same level as the treetops and that it was a very steep drop to the ground below. Dekaras didn't really think about it, being very used to steep drops, including climbing about above them in the darkness, and he knew that his friend also wouldn't have any problems. Right now she was sitting close enough that their hips were touching, though her shorter stature meant that her legs didn't reach outside the edge, and she was watching him with a very worried expression on her face, evident despite the darkness.
"Look, Dekkie," Poppy said, patting him on the knee. "I think you'd better tell me everything right from the beginning. I really have no clue what's going on, but I know you, and I've hardly ever heard you sound this hurt. It's like you're bleeding on the inside and trying not to show it, and it's really starting to scare me. You know I want to help you, so just tell me what's happened, all right? Right now, you're not making any sense at all."
Dekaras didn't answer immediately but stared out into the darkness. The emptiness below was very restful, as were the deep shadows all around. Perfect for hiding, for masking the depth of true emotion. One could easily drift away into those shadows. Simply float in the emptiness, unseen, safe. But I can't very well hide from her, can I? I never was able to. I'm not even sure I want to. Even if the truth hurts.
"Why don't you begin by telling me what you're doing here?" he asked, stalling for time. "Last I knew you were back in Thay, working on an assignment to eliminate a certain Priest of Cyric. How did that work out?"
The halfling assassin smiled broadly. "Oh, you should have been there! I posed as a harmless little friendly halfling selling knitted nice brightly colored sweaters with the religious symbol of your choice, all of them very cute, and then I skewered him on my knitting needle as he reached for his purse."
Dekaras thought about this for a moment. "Sounds very thorough," he said. "And I think you're probably the only one who could have pulled that off."
"What, stabbing him?"
"No. Selling a 'cute' sweater to a priest of Cyric." He smiled faintly. "I've missed you; you know. It's been far too long."
"Awww!" Poppy's eyes lit like twinkling stars and once again she did her best to squeeze the life out of him in a heartfelt hug. "I've missed you too, Dekkie! And you've been gone for ages, I was getting really worried! And then my niece Alora wrote and asked me to come visit her, which is where I'm going now, and I kept hoping that maybe if I was lucky I might run into you, or at least hear some news of you, since I knew you were supposed to be about these parts. And then when I saw you today, I was really happy." She briefly paused to draw breath. "But I can tell you're unhappy, you know. I know you don't like to ever admit it, but something hurt you badly and it's still hurting you. Don't bother trying to pretend otherwise. This is me, and you know you don't have to pretend to be perfect around me."
"Perfect? Me? Ha, that's a laugh. I am anything but perfect and I never thought I was. If I were, I never would have managed to make such a hopeless mess of things." He paused before he went on, still staring out into the empty darkness. "It's not that I don't want to tell you. I do. It's just that I was in a…bad state just when it happened, and only now am I getting really better. And retelling the story will bring it all back again."
The halfling's voice was edgy with anxiety. "You call this 'getting better'? I can practically smell your pain from here. Then what were you like earlier?" Suddenly she grasped his arm tightly, and her eyes went very wide. "Dekkie…pleasetell me you didn't try to do anything…stupid?"
"Um…" Dekaras said, feeling extremely uncomfortable. He sincerely hoped his friend wouldn't be able to see that he was blushing. "It didn't seem stupid at the time, it seemed like the only logical thing to do. I just thought that if I didn't exist any longer…"
"YOU WHAT?" Poppy screamed as she got to her feet.
"…that everybody would be happier all around since I wouldn't be around to…make mistakes." Somehow, in retelling it, it didn't seem all that sensible any longer. Actually, it sounded plain ludicrous.
Poppy seemed to share this opinion as she gave him an exasperated look. "You know Dekkie, for somebody who's definitely an intelligent person you can also be unbelievably idiotic sometimes. And please don't tell me you brought us up here because you're about to jump off this cliff, because then I'd have to get really angry with you and probably have to knock you out and tie you up or something. And I'd get away with it too, because no matter how much you want to hurt yourself, I know you wouldn't want to hurt me. Come to think of it, I still might do it unless you give me a very good reason why I shouldn't drag you home to have some sense forced into you."
Dekaras blinked at the tiny bundle of halfling fury standing next to him. Since he was still sitting down, she was at eyelevel with him, and he knew that she meant every word she said. He also knew that she might quite possibly get away with it. After all, she was right. He never would do anything to hurt her. "Poppy, I swear to you that I have no intention to jump off this cliff, or any other cliff for that matter," he said, and apparently, he sounded convincing enough. Poppy sat down again, but she stuck her arm under his with a determined gesture that clearly stated that she wasn't about to take any chances.
"So," Poppy said. "Tell me what happened then. I need to know who I should go kill for making my Best Friend wish he was dead."
"Nobody. But I will tell you. I said I would, didn't I?" And he started speaking, slowly at first, but faster as he got on with the story. He withheld nothing, telling of the mission Edwin had been entrusted with in all its complexity, the intrigues he himself had got involved in, and of exactly what Edwin had done, how he had tricked him and then disappeared. He even told about some of the dark depths to which he had sunk afterwards, and of how very close it had been that he hadn't been able to crawl out of them again. When he finished speaking, there was a faint sliver of red light in the eastern sky, and the treetops now stood out like jagged black teeth against the horizon rather than being a part of the formless darkness. "I need to find him," he finally said, his voice leaden. "I need to find him and try to understand why he did it. And that's not all."
"No?" Poppy softly asked. "What else then?"
"He might need me. You know what he is like. He always gets in over his head, not thinking of how dangerous his plans might be."
"Oh, right." Poppy said, grinning. "Completely unlike you, you mean."
"Yes, exactl…" Dekaras paused, giving his Best Friend a suspicious look. The halfling's eyes were twinkling mischievously in an alarming manner. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Poppy just winked at him. "Look," she said in a more serious voice. "Maybe I don't know exactly what little Eddie might be up to, but I do know one thing. That kid loves you with all his heart. It's in his eyes every time he looks at you, it always has been. He thinks you're practically Ao himself. I can't believe he'd ever want to hurt you, so there must have been something else going on, something he felt he couldn't tell you about."
"But what? What could possibly be so terrible that he couldn't tell me about it?" He never used to have any problems with that before. I want to believe her. I want that more than anything else in the world. But I don't know if I can. Not anymore.
"I don't know. You'll have to ask him." The halfling grinned again. "You'll find him. There's nobody you can't find when you really put your mind to it. And then you tell him off for a while to get the anger out of your system but try not to scare him too badly. You know how you get when you get worked up. And then you ask him to tell you the truth, and I'll bet you anything that there's a harmless explanation." She paused. "Possibly a silly one, but a well-meaning one all the same. I told you, he loves you."
"I used to think so, but…"
Poppy sighed again, pointing her finger directly at his nose, something that made him feel slightly cross-eyed. "You know, Dekkie, part of your problem is that you think too much. Some things you don't think about. You just know. And this is one of them. Trust me on this. He loves you, and so do I. I wouldn't lie to you about this, you know."
"You know I trust you, as much as I trust myself. And I love you too. I just hope you're right about this, that's all."
The halfling winked again, and then reached out to thoroughly ruffle his hair. "Aw, you're just adorable when you're behaving like a lost and fuzzy little puppy, you know that?"
"No, I don't. And I'm not! And stop doing that!"
"Nope. It looks cute. Trust Big Sister."
"Excuse me!" The assassin unfolded himself to his full and impressive height, in order to better be able to stare down his nose at the small halfling in front of him. It didn't seem to have much effect unfortunately. Not any effect at all actually. "Just who's the biggest one of us, may I ask you?"
"Huh, you're only taller. But I'm the older."
"Not really. Halflings age more slowly than humans and…haven't we had this argument before?"
"Dunno." Poppy was climbing up towards the top of the cliff now, making sure her friend followed. "If we did, I'm sure I won it. Being the oldest and wisest of us and all that. But I don't mind. You need somebody to look after you, after all. And try not to brood so much. You know, you're starting to remind me of that time when you were moping all the time and painted your entire bedroom black and kept lying about on your bed being all existential. You know, all that 'Why are we here?' and 'What is the point?' stuff."
"I was fifteen, and I was perhaps just a little bit obsessed with philosophy. I got over it. And I don't need to be 'looked after'. You, on the other hand, would be totally helpless if I didn't practically lead you by the hand and…" Dekaras never got to finish that sentence. He had reached the top of the cliff by now, but as he climbed across the edge he was in a bit of a precarious position. So precarious, in fact, that he failed to notice his friend's outstretched leg in front of him. It wasn't enough to make him fall, but it was enough to make him temporarily stumble, and before he knew it there was a halfling clinging tightly to his back, locking his legs with her own and tickling him furiously. Getting her off proved an insurmountable obstacle, since he didn't want to risk harming her and couldn't risk them both falling over the edge, and in the end he had no choice but to collapse on the ground, laughing helplessly.
"There we are," Poppy finally said with a sunny smile. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted to be sure you hadn't forgotten how."