Hello there, darling friends. We've come to this, our final oneshot.
I just want to say, as always, thank you for reading, and thank you for taking the time to review. Playing with you all has been both an honor and a delight, and I'm so thankful for each and every one of you and your zany suggestions.
It's time for our last story. It's quite short, because (as I said last time) my tank is out of gas. But it's still one I love, and one that tees us up quite nicely for BotW2.
So now, here we go. For the last time:
Here we go!
"We need a bigger mount."
"No, we don't."
Zelda crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Link. She looked to be about two seconds away from stamping her foot. Link waited, mentally counting. One, two...
Stamp.
"A bigger mount will be able to carry more equipment," she huffed. "We don't know what we'll need down there. Torches! Spelunking gear! Aetheriomonitors!"
"If we're going spelunking, the mount won't be able to follow," Link pointed out reasonably.
"Therefore it shouldn't matter if it's too big," Zelda fired back. "I want a big mount."
Link swallowed a resigned sigh.
"Which mount?"
She jabbed a finger, nearly accusatory, at the most immense pack animal Link had ever seen.
"No."
"But Link!"
"No."
"Think of how many cooking cauldrons it could carry!"
"We'll only need one."
"Not if something happens to you, like you get incapacitated somehow, and I have to cook. Unless you don't like my cooking?"
Oh, that was low, Link thought grudgingly. Judging by the tiny, proud smirk, Zelda knew she had him. First, he couldn't say he wouldn't get incapacitated, because he just might, and second, he couldn't rebut the fact that she had a nasty habit of melting cookpots. If he said she wouldn't melt the pot, she'd scoff and call him a liar, and if he said she would melt cookpots, she'd scoff and say he hated her cooking (which, to be fair, it was inedible) and so there was no safe reply.
Except… Aha!
"But what will it eat? Brimhorned bison aren't exactly native to caves, and a beast that big would need a second beast just to carry all the food it would require. With something smaller, like an ass, we'd be fine."
Zelda pouted and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "you're an ass," and Link decided to let her get away with it. For now.
While she pouted, he went to look at the ass in question— that is to say, neither himself nor Zelda's very shapely rear (which he had, on many occasions over the past few months, caught himself admiring)— but the selection of soft-eyed donkeys that the livestock merchant had for sale. Several of the beasts looked promising, and there was one in particular that caught Link's eye. It seemed like a sturdy sort of creature. Calm. Calm would be good in the cave where they were going. There was no telling what was down there, and they needed a creature that wouldn't spook.
"Link! You'll never guess what."
Zelda bounced over to him, emerald eyes sparkling, her halo of short, golden hair framing her face like a blessing. She was practically glowing with joy. Link's stomach dropped.
"What?"
"The livestock merchant recognized you! Us. I mean, us. He recognized us, and he saw us looking at the bison, and as thanks for saving Hyrule he, er, gaveusthebison."
These last words were ejected at light-speed in response to Link's ever-darkening expression.
"No," Link said.
"Yes! It's ours now. No… what was it that Purah called it? No take-backsies."
With deliberate effort, Link unclenched his jaw and drew in a deep breath.
"Zelda," he said with careful slowness, "we're going exploring. In a subterranean, possibly very dangerous dungeon. We don't know what waits for us. We need something sturdy, something that can handle surprises, like— like a bridge crumbling, or sudden loud noises. A bison—"
"Will be perfect," Zelda said firmly. "Especially because it's free! You can use all your money to buy shiny gear instead."
There was no help for it. He was grinding his teeth.
"Zel—" He started, hating that he had to be the bad guy but there was no way, no way—
She blinked up at him, green eyes liquid and huge, peering up from under her shorn golden locks, pouting prettily.
"Link, please?"
Oh, hell and damnation. Darkness, Calamity, and despair. Rot and bother. She'd used The Look.
"Fine."
"Yay!" She bounced forward, flinging her arms around him in happiness. Resignation, irritation, and warm affection warred within Link, and grudgingly, he put his arms back around her, returning the hug.
"You'll see," Zelda said. "Daisy is going to be just wonderful."
"Daisy?!"
But Zelda wasn't listening. She'd glided back over to fawn over the bison, chattering to it happily about all the adventures they'd have delving into the Zonai ruins and looking for ancient technologies and secrets.
Exasperated fondness won out in Link, and he couldn't help the small smile that snuck over his face.
Daisy the cave bison. If this was the most exciting thing to happen over the course of this next adventure, he'd count himself pleased.
Although it wasn't very likely.
Thank you again for reading, all.
I may reopen this pandora's box of absurdity if we all get locked inside again and if I have the energy to take on a writing challenge this exhausting. For now, it's hard to say what the future holds, so for now, I bid you all a fond farewell.
Oh, and of course: Stay safe, stay inside, and WASH YOUR HANDS! Air smoochies to all, and to all a good night.