Chapter XXIV

I Fought the Law

"Rubbing a zombie tummy to cast your spell? Now I've heard it all." - Elena

"Aeris?"

She opened her eyes. Shut them again, as light scorched her retinas. (Still feeling the after-effects of the incident on the mountain?) The sound of moving furniture, however, made her open them back up out of curiosity.

"Elena. I feel like a dump truck rolled over on my rib cage."

"I know," said Violet, sitting on the opposite chaise, her aquamarine aura clashing with the mint green fabric. "I can feel it over here. Delicious, Cetra pain."

"I don't even know you."

"She's a Jenova," Elena said. "Ergo, she's crazy. You will get stronger. You will do your Great Gospel. And she will have to go back to feeding off her mutt."

"Her what?"

In response, a man howled like a diseased wolf in the basement.

"Whippy, in a cage. Where he belongs. And you need to see this."

A commotion from the adjoining parlor made Elena helped Aeris push herself to a seated position before sitting beside her.

"I'll have you know. I am not used to being treated like this by, peasants."

"Ach, the bonny lassie wounds my poor heart."

"You have no heart, you clockwork elf."

"Elf? Who dae ye call an elf, you common wench?"

Krymzin let out a scream. Cait Sith bounded into the room, leading his charge by a rope tied around her waist. Kyrmzin, flanked by two guards, wore nothing but a pair of sandals and a gunnysack with two leg holes, the sack itself tied around her torso. Rather than lock her hands in handcuffs, someone had secured her wrists to a wooden pillory that rode on her shoulders. Though it made it tricky getting her through doors.

Carmine followed behind, still on her floating disc with Priscilla for company.

"My poor Wutai silkwood chaises. Occupied by peasants again."

"Maybe they can send you some replicas in Corel Prison," Carmine said. "You will appreciate them when you arrive, as I'm afraid you will have to stand the entire trip. Do you recognize the gunnysack you're wearing? That's the same one you forced me to wear my entire initiation week at Gold River Academy. It really chafes, doesn't it?"

"You. Never appreciated all the good opportunities in your life."

"You know? You're absolutely right. I turned out rotten to the core. But unlike you, I didn't bother hiding it. But I wonder how things would have been different had I taken a path like Cerise."

"Racing filthy birds and banging ticket vendors?"

"I would still have my legs for starters. And lots of cute guys sell tickets too. But most of all, you ought to hear the cheers when she crosses the finish line. Has anyone ever cheered for either of us? Think about that while you're breaking rocks in the hot sun. Now. Let's get those lovely legs of yours a workout."

"This way to the horsey trailer, bonny lassie."

"Horse? Trailer?"

"Aye. And plenty o' hay for ye journey."

"Remember. She stands. The whole way." Carmine followed the procession through, with Krymzin warning people to refrain from scarring her fine woodwork.

Another howl from down below.

"What are they doing to him?" Aeris said.

"Just indulging his fantasy," Elena said. "Or maybe that was Cloud and Barret playing the Polybius machine. You know how men are."

"How did you manage to arrest Krymzin? Did she take the fall for her son?"

"Her butler ratted her out. Besides, no way could she not have known about her son's collection of body parts. Then we found two little graves, out there in the garden. No one innocent buries babies in her garden."

Aeris shuddered. "So we just, what. Keep Whippy here? What if he gets loose?"

"He won't get far on foot," Violet said.

Aeris felt her eyes widen to full circles when Elena explained her meaning.

"Your Ladyships," said Sinclair, entering the room later. "Your ride has arrived."

"The Highwind?" Aeris jumped up, though still feeling dizzy.

"Indeed. As long as you take your lawyer with you. We have standards after all, my Lady."

"The guy who shot me with an energy crossbow is not my lawyer."

"Indeed, my Lady."

Cloud and Barret walked up the stairs from below, hauling a wooden crate between them, a crate with the words, "Lawyer. This side up," stenciled on the side. Aeris shook her head and suppressed a smile. Moans and movement came from inside. After they moved on, she caught sounds of Carmine and Cait Sith returning.

"Doon't ya think ye were a wee bit harsh on the lassie?"

"I could have anchored the bar higher. Then she would have had to stand on her tiptoes the whole trip."

Aeris turned to Elena. "Do you get credit for either bust? Of Whippy or his mother?"

"Cissnei will mention me. Hopefully. At this point, I'm so exhausted I just don't care."

"Oh Carmine?" Aeris said as she floated into the room. "About that child you showed up with? Where did they stash him? We thought we saw Marlene in the lawyer's bag, but it was rope and Elena's weapon instead."

"Oh him? Found him slipping through the hedges stealing blackberries. So I conked him out to use as a prop. I knew Whippy would claim it was his idea and it got Barret going."

"How did you convince Priscilla to let you, conk him, as you say?"

"Are you kidding? This girl swallowed a mastered Seal materia. I just had to feel around on her stomach until I could activate it."

Elena said, "Rubbing a zombie tummy to cast a spell? Now I've heard it all. You didn't dump the poor kid in a pond somewhere, did you?"

"Who do you take me for? Don't answer that." Carmine paused. "I gave him to Sinclair. I think he put him to work in the kitchen."

"Indeed, Lady Carmine," said the ancient butler. "As he showed a yen for our blackberries, the cook started him sorting the perfect blackberries for his master's pie."

"Ah, to be rich again."

"Consider it an act of charity. A hungry waif from Gongaga. What would most irk her former Ladyship?"

Tifa entered the room. "Aeris. So glad you're doing better. You scared me to death."

Aeris stood, with Elena's help. "Thank you all, for what you did. What we did. Of course, we have loads of work to do. Damage to undo."

"Starting with steam cleaning her Ladyship's Wutai silkwood chaise lounges," said Sinclair.

"That's way down the list of priorities."

Elena said, "Just above allowing Cait Sith to bounce around on my full bladder. Do you ever stop moving, cat?"

"My fine gentleman," Cait said, wobbling over to Sinclair. "Pick a card. Any card."

"If you insist, good cat sir." He regarded his card. "The six of wands. Travel, I believe? But for you. And of course, for her Ladyship." His mouth creased into a slight smile. "Now if you will excuse me, we have a dinner to prepare. His honor, lord of the house, will have to engage in real conversation now, rather than debate his wife on whether teak curtain rings can properly coordinate with velvet tapestry in the north drawing room."

"You heard the man," Cloud said at the doorway. "Let's mosey. We have some of us aboard already. The Jenova kid, for instance. Sulking in Yuffie's puking spot."

"Does he still have the sword I gave him?" Violet asked.

Aeris felt Tifa jump out of her skin. "What? You gave that? To crazy John?"

"Relax, Tifa. It can't affect a Jenova, remember? And he's a full Jenova. Unlike me. You have to return it to its source, and I can't leave my patient. Not even for a week."

"No. That wouldn't do at all."

"Did you close the basement portal like I told you to?"

Tifa lifted the lavender Torment materia. Aeris saw how it grabbed Carmine's gaze. "Tight as timpani."

"Well then. If my patient escapes from his cage, he can bash his forehead against concrete until he begs me to lock him back up. You'll just need to do the same thing to every portal that spits out those worms. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to brush up on my rocket science. Luckily, lord Spencer has technical manuals in his den library. The room with brass curtain rings."

"Indeed, Lady Violet."

Aeris followed the troupe of Avalanche and associates through the maze of rooms to the front foyer. What servants they met took one look at Cait Sith and bolted. Near the grand entry, the three door droids still circled while staring up at the ceiling, necks bent back ninety degrees.

"Tifa, you bad girl," Carmine said, catching one and bending its neck back to forward.

"I hadn't had my shower yet."

Carmine wrangled a second droid. "You know, you guys have gone from the cooking pot to the furnace, bypassing the fire."

"Say what?"

"Spencer Ambrose is gullible as guppy in a shark tank, but unlike every other member of Shinra with the possible exception of Reeve, he is competent at his job. So now," she paused, realigning the neck of the final droid, "with my sister-cousin pounding sand and his stepson screaming at the cobwebs, he answers to a sadistic Jenova pain connoisseur crossed with a vengeful ancestral revenant spirit. What, as they say, could possibly go wrong?"

Tifa paused, tossing up her hands. "Maybe we could use a good lawyer?"