Chapter 21 - Without It
Louis got up early that morning, despite being really tired for some reason. It was probably the lack of sleep, knowing Legosi was alone surrounded by people he didn't know and alone...He had left him alone for so long. They were reunited just to be separated again. He was such a fool.
He got up, making himself a small breakfast and then getting dressed and setting out. He would arrive before visiting hours, but he'd wait as long as he'd need to in a room full of carnivores if he had to.
He used the map on his phone to find the hospital and made it there with little trouble, looking at the building that housed a bunch of mentally ill carnivores. It was depressing to think Legosi even belonged there. He almost felt like throwing up the food he recently ate. But he had to stay strong for his wolf.
The deer walked up to the double doors, pulling them open and strolling inside, keeping his chin up and his posture straight as he walked to the reception desk.
The well-groomed poodle behind the desk eyed him as he approached. "Hello? How may I help you?"
"I'm here to see my fiance, Legosi the grey wolf. He was admitted here yesterday." Louis said, putting a hand in his black jean pocket.
The receptionist nodded in a bit of an exaggerated way looking at her screen. "Alright, then. You'll have to take a seat for a bit if that's okay? You came a bit early."
The deer nodded, smiling and turning, sitting down in a chair and looking at his phone.
He soon overheard voices from the desk. "That was the guy! From the case all the staff are talking about." The buck saw another pair of canine eyes peek up over at him before ducking back down.
"Oh. Well, he is handsome."
"Oh, you're going to play for the herbivore team now, Mina?"
"Oh, hush!"
Louis' ears perked. Were they talking about him? What was this about sides?
He glanced around the room, noting it was mostly empty. The few animals that were there were all carnivores, who were all sniffing the air, most likely confused by the sudden intrusion of herbivore scent.
The cervid looked back down at his phone. He still felt bad about scaring Gosha like that when he didn't come back home. Luckily, the lizard immediately understood when he explained how dire the situation was. It was his grandson, after all.
Speaking of Legosi, Louis was on pins and needles about what would happen when he went past those doors. They better have been treating his canine right, or else...something.
Tick.
Tock.
A stray cough here and there was the only sound in that waiting room other than the analog clock on the wall. Louis felt it definitely should have had a little more sound. He couldn't help but think the silence was due to his presence. But he didn't care. Nothing else mattered right now than getting through this.
The doors swung open and the deer's head jerked up, but it was not his name that was called. He sighed, tapping his foot impatiently. After all this, he was pretty sure he never wanted to go to a hospital again.
More minutes passed by. The time was now fifteen minutes past the start of visitation hours. What could be...
The doors opened again, revealing a tall, maned wolf wearing a long, white coat. He looked around the room before honing in on Louis, taking long strides up to him. "Hello? Are you Louis-san?"
The deer nodded. "I am."
"I'm Dr. Hiroki. I'm taking care of Legosi." He held his hand out, claws cleanly filed down.
Louis shook it. "Thank you for looking after him, sir."
"You're welcome." The reddish canine smiled at him, creating dimples in the eyes behind his glasses. He had a youthful air about him, but the gray tinge to his fur suggested he was up there in age. He let go of the deer's hand and headed back toward the door. "Come on, then."
The buck stood up, following nervously.
Hiroki turned his head to him. "Must say, Legosi's case really threw the hospital in a hizzy last night. Nobody could make heads or tails of it until you called to clear things up."
Louis grinned, lightly. "I'm sorry I lied. You can understand why I did it..."
The doctor looked forward once again. "Oh, yeah. Working here long enough, I've seen couples lie about their relationship." They sidestepped some nurses wheeling an elderly patient down the hall.
Louis nodded. "Well, I still apologize for doing it. I just get worried we'll be separated. Though, now that I think about it, it seems like lying to the herbivore hospital would have made more sense..."
The older animal cocked his head in confusion. "Hm?"
"They, um...Made him wait outside and forgot about him out there. He had to go in and demand to see me. Which, now I realized I just gave away that I was in the hospital recently."
The doctor held his hands up. "Hey, I won't pry. That's your business. And if it's the hospital I think it is...I've heard stories like that from there."
"What kind of stories?"
"Oh, you know. Just general mistreatment of visiting carnivores...I won't go into detail."
"Herbivores are sickening sometimes. We've never been harassed by a carnivore before."
Hiroki held his tongue, soon coming to a closed door. "He was sleeping last I looked. Poor guy went through a lot yesterday..."
Louis said nothing as he braced himself. *Not just yesterday.*
"True. But yesterday when he came in, he was admitted to the wing dealing exclusively with meat-related cases. None of the staff over there could figure out what was going on, though. He kept asking for you, saying you were his fiance and that you should be around somewhere. I think they just assumed he was delirious, since the report listed you as just a neighbor, and he was coming off his tranquilizer. Once you called with a story that matched his, though, he was soon moved to my care. Uh, we can continue this conversation inside, if you wish."
"Whatever you'd like. I'm just...nervous if I'm being honest."
"Then let's go inside." He opened the door, revealing a large wolf sound asleep on a sizable hospital bed, his head tilted to one side. He had an IV going into one of his arms, both of which were resting above the tucked in a blanket and bandaged up. The doctor moved in before Louis.
The deer came in afterward, seeing his mate there, sound asleep, not able to help the relieved smile that came to his face. He seemed ok...
"Expected something worse?" The other wolf asked.
"I honestly don't know. I've been losing sleep over this."
"So...I'd like to hear from you. When did this start? Any idea what caused it?"
"I wasn't there when it started, but it must have started after I broke up with him because I thought...that was the right thing to do at the time. I don't usually like being wrong, but this time, I'm so glad I was. It's good to be wrong every now and then."
Hiroki nodded along. "Ah, that all makes sense. From working with canines, and being one myself, I can say that we form extremely strong bonds with the animals we love, and those bonds aren't easily broken. Separation anxiety and depression are common when those bonds are severed suddenly."
"...Even self-harm?"
"Not unheard of." He pointed with a pen to the sleeping Legosi. "We clipped and filed his nails down, by the way. We're also pumping some drugs into him to keep him mostly sedated since we didn't want to restrain him in any way after his ordeal in the meat case ward."
"Ah, so he most likely won't wake up while I'm here?" Louis felt slight relief and disappointment.
"Not sure. He's bigger than most gray wolves, plus according to his file, he's part komodo dragon? That sure was a surprise. Their bodies are more resistant to drugs, and it seems he inherited that."
"I'm glad he's okay, but I'm still nervous for some reason..."
"Wondering when he'll be able to come home?"
"I am."
Hiroki walked over to the foot of the bed, glancing down at the clipboard that hung from it. "Well, if you stick around until he wakes up I think that'll do us some good. Him seeing you will get me a better understanding of his situation. Although, I do think therapy would be a good route to take, even if for just a few sessions."
"Noted." Louis' eye wandered to Legosi's face, looking so peaceful there, as he always did when he slept. So beautiful.
"There are also counselors out there for couples like you, and we have informational pamphlets if you're interested. Stuff like: how to overcome instincts, safe ways to be intimate, and the like. They're controversial, to be sure, but we do have them." The doctor put his hands in his coat pockets as he started to pace the room.
"We've got it figured out, actually. Thanks."
Hiroki paused for a moment, stopping in place. "Well, alright! I'll leave you alone, now." He pointed to a remote next to Legosi's left arm. "Just press that if he wakes up, okay?" With that, the tall wolf took his leave.
Louis pulled a chair next to the bed, looking at his mate. "I'm sorry..."
Legosi answered with steady, gentle breaths. His large chest rose and fell. He was wearing a greenish hospital gown, but his ring was still present on his finger.
"It's all my fault. I should have never ever left you. You need me and...I need you. So much. It's just like you said. I can't live without you anymore. Life feels pointless when you aren't there by my side and I just feel like such an idiot for letting all this happen to our good thing...I'm nothing without it." He brought his legs up on the chair and his knees to his chest, burying his face in them. This is what he had wanted to do ever since he found out about Renju. Curl up in a ball and let the world go on without him.
The sleeping wolf's ears perked and rotated slightly as Louis spoke, his breaths becoming slightly shorter. His eyes fluttered open slowly, a familiar smell in his nostrils. He lulled his head forward, scanning the room with his eyes. And...
Louis was there.
Legosi's breathing grew faster, now audible as he blinked rapidly. His tail made a thwapping noise underneath the blanket, but he was too tired to do anything else.
Louis' head raised. "Hey! Hey..."
The wolf responded with a whine that sounded like a high pitched whistle. He tried to raise his arms up but they quickly fell to his sides while his body started to wiggle.
The deer got up and stepped closer, grabbing his hand. "You're okay. Just calm down."
Legosi looked up at him, mouth slowly forming a smile, his body obviously unable to perform the command. The excitement flowed through his body, making his tail wag even faster.
The deer sat down on the edge of the bed, looking down at him. "...Quite a situation I've gotten us in."
The wolf cleared his throat, still trying to speak. "Gmuh...nuh...mmmmm."
Louis' ear twitched. "Hm?"
Legosi squeezed his hand, his nubby claws feeling strange on Louis' fur. "Gmoorming."
"Morning, Legosi." Louis was the victim of smiling again. "How are you?"
"...Sleeeby..."
"I understand. I just wanted to see you."
Legosi nodded, slowly. "Led's...gobackhome."
"Well, I'm not sure we can do that quite yet. We have to see what the doctor says."
The wolf closed his eyes. "...You...mad at me?"
Louis kept his voice soft. "Of course not. It was just a little freakout, that's all. We both had one."
Legosi nodded again, opening his eyes again. Those kind, tired eyes. "...You okay?"
"Not really."
The canine whined again, moving his other hand over to Louis'.
"If I had just been better..." the deer mumbled.
Legosi tried to sit up but didn't get too far before falling back onto his pillow.
"Looks like that's a sign," the buck sighed.
"Mmm, what?"
"That you might be staying here."
Those sleepy eyes suddenly became wide. "N-no. No. I don't want to, Lou!"
"I know, but the doctor knows what's right for you." He remembered what the older wolf had said, grabbing a little clicker with a button on it that would alert Hiroki that his patient was awake.
Legosi reached out and grabbed that hand, too. "Don't leave..."
"What?"
When Louis looked back up, there were tears in Legosi's eyes. "D-don't leave me...never leave me again...please..."
"Legosi, I didn't say I was leaving you," Louis spoke, clicking the button. "But if the doctor says you have to stay here..."
Speaking of the doctor, Hiroki arrived. "Oh, rise and shine, sport! Look who came to see you!"
Legosi looked over at Louis, and then back at the newcomer. "G'morning, Dr. Hiroki."
The deer stayed, holding the wolf's large paw.
The maned wolf stood there for a second, watching the display, before reaching for his stethoscope. "Ah, excuse me a moment. I need to check on him."
Louis stepped back, sitting in his chair, sighing.
Hiroki performed his checkup. Blood pressure, breathing, eyes. Both Legosi and Louis exchanged impatient glances during it. Eventually, the doctor removed Legosi's IV and stepped back. "Alright, Legosi. Let's see if you can sit up."
Legosi looked down at his body, and then used his elbows to prop himself up. Unlike the first time, he was able to rise to a sitting position.
Louis watched the whole thing quietly, not sure what to do with himself. He was sure Legosi would probably have to stay a while longer.
Without prompt, the carnivore swung his legs out over the floor, standing up slowly.
"Oh, Legosi! Careful now..." The older wolf moved forward, gently grasping Legosi's shoulder, but he didn't seem to notice. He simply looked down at Louis, looking a bit goofy with his messy fur and smock.
The deer blinked, gazing up at his mate from the chair.
"I want to go home with Louis, Dr. Hiroki," Legosi stated, plainly.
"I-I understand!" Hiroki seemed to back away slightly, perhaps unused to canines taller than him. He looked over at Louis. "Have you taken care of him before?"
Louis thought back to when he did so after Riz had attacked him. "I have, sir."
"Because he might be a bit out of it for the rest of the day, and I'd suggest calling a cab if you didn't drive here yourself."
Legosi's tail waved idly behind him as his doctor spoke.
"You're...letting him go?" Louis' eyes widened in confusion. He had been in the hospital for five days...
Hiroki turned to the deer. "He seems emotionally sound now, plus those scars on his arms are a few days old. Your presence here is a big factor for his recovery, Louis."
"Are you seriously telling me love is the answer?"
The doctor laughed. "Let's be scientific here. Legosi suffered from extreme separation anxiety from being away from you so suddenly. Now you're back! Pretty simple...plus I feel like Legosi wouldn't take 'no' for an answer."
"You let your patients choose?" Louis blinked, bewildered.
Hiroki looked around before leaning forward, whispering. "Look, kid, I'm trying to do something nice here. I genuinely believe he's fine to be discharged."
The deer swallowed. "O-okay."
"Well, Legosi! Take a few steps to see how you're feeling. We'll give you some privacy since there's no back to that smock. Your clothes are folded up on that chair over there."
Legosi simply nodded as Hiroki ushered his mate out, closing the door softly. "Alright, now here's something I wanted to ask you specifically. Those scars on his arms are self-inflicted, yes, but what about all of those other ones?"
"We've been through quite a lot," Louis huffed. "...A lot."
"And he's never self-harmed before, I reckon."
"Never."
Hiroki nodded. "Then do you have any concerns with him coming home today? We can keep him longer if you wish..."
"I'm just worried...I was in the hospital for a few days..."
"Seems like you want to talk about this..." the doctor noted.
Louis sighed. "Isn't self-harm worse than being suicidal but making no attempt? I just don't know...But I can't stand being without him anymore, either."
"I think the best way to minimize emotional distress in both of you is to let you both go home together. Monitor each other and call if anything happens, of course," Hiroki concluded.
"Aright, fine. I'm sure I'm just nervous still, that's all."
"You both seem like you went through a lot, and I do hope you both intend to seek help, but I can tell that you love each other just like any other couple."
"We do. Very much. Alright. My father will be paying for this."
"Good to hear," Hiroki smiled. "Well, let me know when you two are ready so I can lead you out."
"I'm ready. Just waiting on Legosi."
The maned wolf indicated the door with a tilt of his head. "Go on then. See how he's doing."
Louis nodded, opening it a bit and slipping inside. "Legosi, Hiroki says we can leave."
The wolf was dressed now, sitting patiently on the bed. At the deer's entrance, he quickly stood up, walking over to him with a wagging tail. "That's great!" He leaned down and sniffed him, sighing contentedly.
Louis wrapped his arms around him. "If you promise it will be okay."
Legosi leaned down and pressed their heads together. "It will be...now that you're here."
The deer nodded, turning to the door. "Then back home we go."