Chapter Twenty-Five
Tara kept a brisk pace as she walked around the neighborhood.
Spring was nearing but it was still chilly and a fast walk kept her warm.
Also because a fast walk worked almost as well as the car at getting the twins to nod off and sure enough when Tara peeked into the stroller, they were out cold. They weren't actually cold, of course, because Tara had them well wrapped up but they slept peacefully curled up close to each other.
"Good afternoon Tara," a woman said, slightly out of breath as she approached Tara on the sideway, swinging handheld weights as she continued to walk on the spot when she stopped.
"Hi Jackie," Tara greeted, slowing the stroller but still gently rocking it back and forth, "How are you doing?"
"Getting out of the house to clear my head of all of the college acceptance nerves with Jason," Jackie replied, blowing a piece of hair up from her brow, "Jason has high hopes and the high anxieties that go with it."
"Oh, I'm sure he'll get in where he wants," Tara smiled kindly.
Jackie smiled too.
"He does well in school. Always a very curious boy."
Tara had to work hard to keep the smile on her face as she tried not to blush remembering Jason as a little pre-pubescent boy peering in their window on the day they'd arrived in the neighborhood while she and Willow were 'christening' the living room floor.
"Very curious."
Jackie just nodded and turned herself so she could look into the stroller.
"Oh, they're getting so big."
"They're right around average for their age, which is excellent for them," Tara replied proudly, "Especially Emily."
Jackie smiled again and pushed off her feet.
"I better keep going. Good to see you, Tara."
"Bye, Jackie," Tara answered and propelled the stroller forward again while lapping up some of that winter sun making a rare appearance.
She finished her circuit and as she approached the house, she spotted a moving van pulling away from outside Mrs. Potts's house. She reached into the babies just to prolong time long enough for it to move off completely. Left on the lawn were two men, one a bit younger than her with sandy-colored hair and the other middle-aged with salt-and-pepper, with his arm around the other.
Tara raised her hand in a wave and the men gave each other a look of pleasant surprise and waved back.
Tara chuckled to herself and pushed the stroller back to the house. She left it in the living room so the twins could keep napping and got herself a glass of water. From her purse, she retrieved a cylindrical pill bottle and slid one of her anti-depressants onto her palm. She tossed it in her mouth and chased it with some water, then took a moment for a slow breath.
"Okay," she whispered to herself as she rolled her neck from side to side, "Yoga time."
She went back into the living room so she could supervise the twins while she did her session. She got her mat from the hall closet and unrolled it on the floor in front of the television. She followed a DVD on-screen but she knew the routine so just had it on mute.
While she was in the middle of a warrior pose, she spotted the school bus pull up, and then JJ was running up the driveway waving back to his pals.
The door opened and his bag dropped and he skidded into the living room.
"Hi Mom," he greeted then went to peer into the stroller and whisper, "Hi babies."
"Hi Jakey," Tara greeted while trying to hold a plank, "Did you have a good day at school?"
"Yeah," JJ nodded and rocked back on his heels, "Did you have a good day, Mom? Or a sad day?"
Tara smiled softly at that nervous, eager little face that looked so like Willow sometimes.
"I had a good day, sweetie," she reassured as she moved onto a side plank, "Do you want to do some yoga with me?"
"Yoga is easy, it's just slow karate," JJ replied and started to chop the air.
Tara chuckled and fell back onto her elbows to catch her breath.
"I left you a snack in the fridge."
"Thanks, Mom!" JJ replied as he scurried off to eat.
"And don't eat the chocolate pudding, it's for dessert!" Tara called after him.
She finished up the DVD and sat up to do some general stretches. A few minutes later, JJ returned sucking on a straw in a juice box with chocolate smeared all over his mouth.
Tara looked at him dubiously.
"Did you eat some of the chocolate pudding?"
"No," JJ replied unconvincingly.
Tara had to try very hard to grin. She stood up and turned him toward the stairs.
"Go wash your face."
JJ swiped at his face and looked guilty for a moment before obliging in going upstairs to clean it.
Tara checked the time and knew the twins would need a diaper change soon so she also went upstairs to grab some extra supplies.
In the nursery, she closed her palms around the side of one of the cribs and smiled. After a few weeks in therapy and on the medication, she'd gotten both the whim and the energy to finally change the nursery around to how she would have designed it given the chance. The room flowed better, the light brightened it all up and Tara was able to walk in and out breezily knowing exactly where everything she needed was.
"Mom, can I play outside with Woofy before I do my homework?" JJ asked as he met her in the hallway as he left the bathroom.
"As long as you get it done," Tara answered, "Try not to hit any balls against the walls, it scares the twins."
"Okay, Mom," JJ agreed and sped past her down the stairs.
Woofy jumped out of bed and eagerly ran behind JJ when he saw his ball in JJ's hand. They went out to play and almost immediately a ball banged against the wall. Emily started to wail first but Lily was grumbling soon after.
Tara heaved a big sigh and shook her head as JJ looked through the bay window contritely.
"Come here, sweetie," Tara lifted Emily out onto their mat on the floor, then brought Lily to join her, "I know. Mommy's here. Everything is okay, my girls."
They were soon distracted by the animals and shapes hanging from the mobile overhead and Tara's singing. Tara cycled through a few old favorites as she changed them — Ira was right, they were quite partial to Frère Jacques, and Tara looked forward to teaching them some French in the future.
Their little personalities were starting to come out already and she was noticing the differences between them, like how Lily loved songs that were fast and energetic and Lily liked to be soothed by soft lullabies.
"Okay babies it's tummy time!" she said enthusiastically and gently turned them over and grabbed a nearby toy and waved it at them, "Look what Mommy has! Are you gonna grab it? Who's gonna get it first?"
A few hours later, on her way home from work, Willow checked on Robyn in the rearview mirror.
"What did you do at daycare today, Robbie?"
"I make squiggle," Robyn answered with a bounce of her head.
"Was it blue?" Willow asked and turned onto their street.
"No!" Robyn shook her head.
"Your favorite color is blue," Willow countered.
Robyn's cheeks puffed up and her hands bent at her hips in the seat.
"My fav'ite colah is ice cweam!"
Willow frowned.
"Ice-cream isn't a color."
"Yah, is," Robyn insisted with a knowledgeable nod, "Ev'ting is colah."
Willow smirked to herself.
"Tiny Tara."
She pulled up in the driveway and helped Robyn out of her seat before bringing her inside.
Robyn ran to where she heard Tara pottering in the kitchen. She started to run at Tara but stopped at the mat where the babies were and kissed each of their heads.
"'lo bubbies, is yur GWEAT big sistah!"
"Hi Robbie," Tara greeted and bend down to gather her in a hug, "Did you have a good day?"
"Yah!" Robyn agreed easily, "Miss yu!"
Tara attacked Robyn's face with kisses.
"Mommy missed you too and I love you so much."
Robyn hung out of Tara with her arms around Tara's neck.
"Wobbie loves Mom-mee!"
Tara wrapped her in a fresh hug.
"Come here, little bean," she said and let herself have a moment of appreciation, "Okay, go wash your hands for dinner."
She patted Robyn's butt as she left and stood back up.
"Do I get a welcome like that?" Willow grinned as she left her purse on one of the stools.
Tara opened her arms invitingly and they each held on tight.
Willow pulled back and kissed Tara, slow and lingering. She closed her arms back around her wife and then frowned in confusion as she spotted a note stuck on the fridge behind them.
"Why does the fridge say 'tampons'?"
Tara looked over her shoulder and back at Willow.
"Oh, you're low on them," she answered easily, "I noticed when I was looking for my nipple cream."
She looked embarrassed.
"And, um, add nipple cream to that list. Forgot to write it. Can I still blame baby brain?"
Willow looked sympathetic and picked up the little pen stuck to the fridge with a magnet to note it down.
"What can I help with?"
"Get the twins ready for dinner?" Tara requested.
"Gladly," Willow replied with a smile.
"Hey, guess what?" Tara asked as she popped a piece of carrot in her mouth, "New neighbors moved in."
"Yeah?" Willow asked as she started to bend down to the babies.
Tara smirked.
"We're not the only gays in the village anymore…"
"Oh good, we haven't had a meeting on The Agenda in months!" Willow quipped and smiled over her shoulder at Tara, "Guys or gals?"
"Two guys," Tara answered with a smile, "Our age. Ish. If you average it out."
"Do they want a baby?" Willow asked with a wink, "We have an extra."
She put her hands on each of the babies' stomachs and gently shook them to produce giggles.
"I'm only joking. How are my girls, huh? Did you miss your Momma? I missed you. Yes, I did. Yes, I did."
She put Lily over her right shoulder holding her there with her right hand and used her left hand to get a grip under Emily's shoulders and with a quick movement of her right hand for leverage, she got Emily over the other shoulder.
"Hah! Baby deadlifts. Arnie ain't got nothing on me."
Tara smiled and waved at the babies as they looked over Willow's shoulders at her.
Willow brought the twins upstairs and into the main bathroom. Robyn was in there, standing on the step that allowed her to use the sink.
"What are you up to?" Willow asked suspiciously.
Robyn did jazz hands.
"Mom-mee say wash handies fuh dinnah."
"Oh. Good girl," Willow smiled at her, "You wanna help Momma bath the twins?"
Robin put her index finger against her chin and looked off in thought.
"Ummmmm…" she pontificated for a long moment, then jumped off her step, "Nope."
She walked away and Willow sighed. She supposed not everyone could find the same joy in Emily learning to splash as she did. She wished she'd asked Robyn to tug down the towel for her though.
Upon a quicker look, the towel was already on the floor — nice and crumpled up from Robyn's use. With her arms getting sore, she brought the twins into hers and Tara's bedroom where a mat lay ready for them to rest on from when Tara was putting laundry away up there.
She set the babies down and hugged herself to stretch her exerted muscles.
She was already exhausted.
The babies started to roll in opposite directions and Willow had to put an arm across them to stop them.
Lily started to make sounds of protest at her positioning.
"I hear ya," Willow cooed softly, "I wouldn't like being held down on the floor either."
She grinned.
"Unless Mommy was doing it."
Her nose scrunched distastefully.
"You didn't hear that!"
Since Lily was fussing more, as was usual, Willow undressed her first. As she wrapped up the suspiciously dry used diaper and tied it in a bag to take out after, she took off her sweater and stayed just in a tank top to stop any splashing incidents during bath time.
Feeling like she'd outwitted either babies' curious hands, she picked Lily up to hold against her chest, which usually avoided her escalating into a full-on scream.
It worked; Lily happily snuggled into Willow and for a moment Willow had a perfect moment of bliss.
A perfect, warm moment of…
"Ahh!"
Willow realized that warmth was not stemming from a place of maternal love but from between her daughter's tiny legs and straight through her thin tank top, pooling above the waistband of her pants.
"She's peeing!" she called out to no one in a blind panic, "Tara! She's peeing! Tara!"
Tara's footsteps were quick on the stairs and she burst into the bedroom in alarm.
"Willow, what's—"
She took one look at the scene, Lily's stream still steadily sticking Willow's top to her skin, and burst out laughing.
Willow looked over at her incredulously.
"Stop laughing and help me!"
"The bathroom is two feet away!" Tara got out through giggles and Willow looked over to the door to their en suite and ran in.
Still struggling to contain the laughter, Tara kneeled before the mat to undress Emily.
"You won't pee on Mommy, will you?"
She kept her diaper on until she got into the bathroom, just in case.
"Some help you were," Willow said indignantly from under the shower spray, where she was standing with Lily in her arms.
Emily giggled, a bit of a rare treat, and Tara smiled.
"Emmy's with me on this one."
Willow couldn't keep up the grumpy face so she just stuck out her tongue and they switched babies.
Tara dressed Lily in her nightwear and then did the same with Emily while Willow dried off and changed into new clothes.
The twins didn't really need much readying apart from that as they usually just lay one in each of their mothers' laps while Willow and Tara did their best to eat with a spoon.
Tara brought the dish of tuna casserole into the dining room and served it up on all of the plates while the kids ran in and started to demolish it. She went to help Willow bring the babies in and then everyone was eating hungrily around the table.
When they were finished, Tara asked JJ to bring in the chocolate pudding and arched an eyebrow at him.
"I wonder what those spoon marks are from."
"I wonder too," JJ replied with a shrug.
Tara couldn't help but grin this time.
"Okay everyone let's do our new game! I want to hear roses and thorns," Willow said when dessert was spooned out, "My thorn today was getting stuck in traffic this morning. And my rose was getting to come home and see all of you guys!"
"I rose is alllllll my fwiends pway barbies tu-day an' I torn is, ummmmm…stinky boys!"
"With you there, sister," Willow replied and held up a hand to fist bump, which Robyn knocked her whole open palm against and giggled.
"Jake?" Tara asked.
"Um, my thorn is I got some of my math questions wrong on my pop quiz and my rose is the chocolate pudding!"
Tara reached across the table and squeezed his hand.
"It's okay to get things wrong sometimes. Everyone does," she said softly and he smiled gratefully, "Well, my thorn was that I felt overwhelmed this morning when both of the babies were crying but my rose is that I actually listened when I told myself I could handle it. And I could."
Willow reached over with a smile and rubbed Tara's shoulder.
"We're proud of you."
"Yeah, mom," JJ nodded, "Can I change my rose?"
Tara nodded.
"Seeing you smile was my rose," JJ said shyly.
"Aww!" Willow replied sweetly.
"That is very nice, JJ," Tara added with a warm look, "My boy, I love you so much."
She took a moment of appreciation as she looked around the table.
"Okay kids, bring your plates to the sink please," she said when she felt herself get a little misty-eyed.
Not to hide it, just to move forward.
"Bedtime soon, Robbie. You can play for thirty minutes before your bath."
The next couple of hours were the hectic chaos of ferrying the children to bed and settling the twins for the night. Finally, exhausted and in bed themselves, Willow and Tara pulled the blanket up over them.
Tara glanced over at Willow as she turned her iPad on.
"It's our anniversary on Friday."
Willow smiled across as she put her glasses on.
"I know."
Tara swallowed deeply.
"I was going to suggest something but I'm afraid if I say it out loud that I can't take it back."
Willow paused, put her iPad down on her nightstand, and gave her full attention to Tara.
"What if you said it with no strings attached?"
Tara tucked some hair behind her ear nervously.
"I-I wondered if we could get the kids to go on sleepovers and have a night alone?" she said, swallowing again, "All of the kids."
Willow's eyebrows shot upward.
"Really? You'd let the twins go on an overnight?"
Tara looked away, then back at Willow with creased, wet eyes.
"It's really hard."
"I know it is," Willow replied tenderly and started to reach out to her but remembered in time and retracted her hand, "And if that's too much, that's okay. We'll have a family anniversary dinner, it'll be great."
Tara's hands fidgeted against the blanket.
"Maybe we could put our parents on standby?"
Willow nodded, trying not to seem too eager.
"Yeah, they'd love it. Dad is always asking and they've watched them for a couple of hours a few times before so they know their routine."
She watched the hesitation play out across Tara's face and gave her a gentle look.
"No matter what, I love you so much, Tara."
Tara leaned over and gave Willow a soft hug.
"I love you too."
She wanted this. She could do this.
And she could listen to that voice.
She just had to keep reminding herself.
It took Tara forty minutes to complete the ten-minute walk from Ira and Michelle's house back to her own because she kept looping around to try and spy on them.
Once she thought she saw Ira drop one of the twins through the window and nearly sprinted inside, but when he picked up the fallen object again she saw it was just a doll he was waving about.
Teetering way to close to the edge of crazy, but at least able to recognize it now, she finally made herself keep walking all the way home, where Willow should be unloading their dinner picked up from their favorite restaurant in town. She walked in the door and backed up against it.
She closed her eyes.
She smiled.
She did it.
When she opened them again Willow had wandered out from the kitchen and was staring down at her phone with a dazed look on her face.
Tara pushed off the door and frowned with concern.
"Willow?" she asked, stepping toward her wife, "What's wrong?"
Willow slapped her phone against her palm.
"Mrs. Michelson died," she said, still in disbelief, "Her lawyer just called me."
Tara's chest visibly deflated.
"Oh, Willow."
She reached out and clasped Willow's arm, moving up to rub her neck and shoulder. Willow threw a hand up.
"I've been expecting it," she said with a gulp, "It's not like it's sudden."
"It's always sudden," Tara replied softly, "Oh darling, I'm so sorry."
She kissed Willow's forehead then again on the lips. Willow returned it for a moment and when it stopped their foreheads moved to rest against each other.
"I-I'm gonna have to go to Sunnydale," Willow stumbled over her words, trying to work it all out in her head, "Say goodbye."
Tara nodded with Willow.
"And I'll be right there with you."
Willow's eyes filled sadly.
"Oh, no, Tara, you don't have to—"
"And I will be right there with you," Tara repeated, insistent.
A single tear fell down Willow's cheek. She took both of Tara's hands and mouthed 'I love you'.
She accepted Tara's comfort for a moment, then stood up straight with a long sniffling inhale.
"I'll have to figure out stuff…tomorrow," she exhaled it all out again, "She would want me to have tonight."
She squeezed Tara's hands.
"She would want us to have tonight."
Tara looked at Willow for a long moment before nodding in agreement.
"What do you want to do? Do you want to eat?"
Willow's body suddenly felt very heavy.
"Maybe we could just sit for a minute?"
"Of course," Tara replied and they broke only one set of hands to walk into the living room together.
On the table was a bottle of champagne and two flutes. Willow picked it up and held it heavy in her hand.
"I-I bought this for us. I thought since you won't be feeding the twins until tomorrow that it would be okay. But now…"
"We could toast to her life," Tara suggested gently, "Or just leave it. Whatever you want."
"No, I'd…" Willow paused and smiled, albeit sadly, "I'd like that."
She nodded to herself once, then twice, and got ready to open it. She popped it off with both thumbs and laughed when some spilled over. She poured two glasses and handed one to Tara.
Tara held hers up reverently.
"To Ruth."
Willow breathed in slowly.
"To Ruth," she answered with sad acceptance in her voice, "Our daughter's namesake and the only true mother I've ever known."
They clinked glasses and each took a sip.
Willow decompressed for a moment, then when Tara lifted her arm invitingly, she snuggled into her wife's side.
With a glass of champagne fizzing through their blood, after months of no alcohol and a similar amount of time since they hadn't had a single child to take care of, they both promptly passed out right there on the couch.
At some point in the middle of the night, Willow woke them both and got them upstairs to bed but even pajamas were too much to aim for and they both just dropped their pants and slept in their shirts.
It was well into the morning before either roused and again it was Willow who roused first. It was nice to be woken by Tara's even breathing and not a screeching baby. Though sometimes Lily woke her up laughing and that was just as good.
Emily laughed sometimes too but it always quiet and one-on-one like she was sharing it just for you.
Willow glanced at the clock and rolled her shoulder blades happily. It was the latest number she'd seen upon waking for a while.
She rolled onto her back to stretch out fully and when everything had popped satisfactorily she turned her head to look at Tara's sleeping face.
Willow hadn't even realized how fretful it had become until Tara had finally settled back into a better sleep routine and she remembered how peaceful her wife looked. Especially in the mornings when the sun would strain through the blinds and make it look like a halo resided over her.
Now that Tara was letting her help bottle feed the twins at night, there had been a few mornings Willow had sat with a baby in her arms watching her wife sleep with the early morn sun radiating in on them and thought life couldn't get much better than this.
Or when Tara would fall asleep as they were feeding side-by-side on the two-seater recliner they'd bought for the nursery. They'd spent a small fortune on it but it was worth every penny when one of the babies wouldn't settle without the other one with them, usually Lily since Emily took a little longer to feed.
Once, both of the babies were running small fevers and restless and wouldn't stop crying. It woke up both JJ and Robyn who ended up coming in and they all snuggled in together and eventually fell asleep until morning.
It was a nice image for Willow to retain as she thought of her loss yesterday.
And there was a nice image to enjoy right at this very moment with a whole night's sleep cushioning her brain in a delightfully lazy haze.
Tara must have realized she was being stared at because after a few minutes her eyes twitched and then opened, sending pools of sweet blue warmth toward Willow.
Tara raised her hand and let it fall onto Willow's thigh.
"Hi love," she greeted with some adorable morning gruff, which she cleared with a swallow and looked at Willow tenderly, "How are you feeling?"
Willow understood what was being asked.
"Sad," she said with a tight curve of her lips, "But…okay. I am. Or I will be. But, yeah. I'm okay."
She exhaled softly.
"I'm bummed her store won't be there anymore though. Feels like a piece of my childhood is being ripped out."
"It was probably costing her to keep it open," Tara replied softly.
Willow frowned.
"Which kinda makes it all the sadder. All that love she put into it."
Tara turned herself onto her side and brushed her hand over Willow's collarbone.
"You know what else she put all of her love into?" she asked and looked down pointedly, "You."
She pressed her lips against Willow's.
"And she will live in you every day."
Willow smiled and realized what she said before was true; she was okay. Or would be. Either way, she knew she wasn't alone.
She picked at Tara's crumpled blouse and laughed.
"Look at us," she said, shaking her head, "Still in our clothes from the night before. So much for 'having tonight'."
"A full night's sleep is the best gift you could have given me," Tara replied with a wry smile.
"Ditto," Willow grinned, then bit down on her lip, "But I did get you something."
She tossed herself over and opened her nightstand drawer pulling out an envelope. She turned back and handed it to Tara.
"Happy Anniversary."
"Thank you," Tara replied sweetly and opened it up.
When she pulled out what was inside, she burst out laughing.
"What?" Willow asked with a confused frown, "It's for the spa you like. You can have a full day of treatments while I watch the kids."
Tara placed it down between them, rolled over to her nightstand and took out a similarly decorated envelope.
Predictably, the inside was similar as well.
"Hah!" Willow cackled with a huge grin, "I think this is the old married lady equivalent of when two people plan to propose at the same time."
She smiled at Tara.
"I guess we're doing a 'couple' day," she said and arched one eyebrow, "If you're okay with leaving the kids again…"
Tara took a calming breath.
"Can we wait a couple of weeks so I can psyche myself back up?"
"Absolutely," Willow replied sincerely, then lowered her voice to a whisper, "And I'm so proud of you."
She leaned in and Tara moved in the rest of the way to nuzzle their noses.
Willow sighed luxuriously.
"How do you feel about a leftover carbonara breakfast?" she asked in a seductive voice, "I'll even crisp up the garlic bread the fancy way, not in the microwave."
"Don't you set my toaster on fire again," Tara replied with a messy arched eyebrow, "Sounds like something that could be pushed to brunch…"
"Mmmm," Willow replied and they leaned together again but met at the lips this time.
They both turned on their sides and their bare legs brushed together. It was the closet contact they'd had in a while and both shivered when they felt the connection of thighs.
Tara had to drag herself away on the night gasping breath.
"Willow, I'm—" she stopped and cleared her throat as she looked Willow in the eyes, "I'm so sorry but I'm…just not ready to have full sex yet."
Willow was quick to reassure.
"Tara, that's f—"
"It's not you or us," Tara cut her off to continue, "It's me. I've been working so hard on my 'mind stuff' I haven't been able to work on my 'body stuff' yet."
Willow took a moment to think before she replied.
"Do you remember how much big doofuses we were back in college. Me mostly, admittedly, but remember?"
Tara blushed lightly.
"Yes."
Willow nudged Tara's knee.
"We worked it out then and we'll work it out again," she said, resolute and secure, "I don't care how long it takes."
Her hand lifted to cup Tara's cheek but faltered at the last second. Before she could take it back, Tara grabbed it and put it down gently on where it was supposed to be. She nuzzled into Willow's palm.
"I'm not afraid of you touching me anymore," she whispered with their gazes locked, "So I don't want you to be afraid of touching me anymore either."
Willow's heart sped up even from the simple contact.
"It doesn't happen anymore? When I touch you?"
"I still get flashbacks," Tara replied evenly, "But I know how to deal with it now. Stop it from escalating."
She turned her head in and kissed where she had nuzzled.
"But I'm ready to change my associations. Build up new memories…"
Willow smiled softly.
"Just slow."
"Just slow," Tara confirmed.
Willow waggled her eyebrows.
"Well as you know…" she said in an over-the-top suggestive voice, "I've always liked it slow."
Tara pursed her lips but a smile still broke out across her face — slowly, of course.
"Is Dream Tara still putting out, at least?"
"Oh, daily," Willow grinned.
Tara laughed and planted a kiss on her wife's lips.
"Happy Anniversary, Willow."
Willow rubbed her thumb over Tara's face, remembering what it felt like to feel her cheekbones.
"Do you remember our anniversary this time last year?" she asked with a chuckle, "We didn't think we'd have two four-month-olds in a year's time."
Tara just shook her head with wide eyes.
"Both anniversaries last year were not…" she paused and her jaw clenched, "I was so upset about not getting pregnant for our February anniversary…we just ate pizza, not even good pizza…and did we even acknowledge our wedding anniversary while we were in the NICU?"
"I don't think we did," Willow shook her head.
Tara caught Willow's eye again and felt some tears start to fill her eyes.
"I got so lost."
"And this time I couldn't find you," Willow said wistfully, "You had to find you. But I've been here waiting with the light on all along."
"I'm here. I'm here now," Tara promised with another soft kiss, "And I'm not going anywhere."
Willow smiled and they kissed again.
"I think I see it now," Tara whispered into the kiss, "The light."
She placed a palm over Willow's heart.
"Right in here. I had to look past my own shadow to see it."
"I love you, Tara," Willow whispered back.
"I love you, Willow," Tara said with all of the adoration her heart was able to express, "And our lovely children who are probably driving their grandparents crazy."
Willow smiled, acquiescing.
"You want to go collect the kids?"
Tara did, truthfully, but she also didn't want this pocket of joy to end.
"We should have a couple of non-sleeping hours to ourselves."
Willow nodded agreeably.
"What do you want to do?"
Tara looked over her shoulder at the light shining through the window and then back at her wife.
"Appreciate that sunny day."
"I'm all for some appreciation," Willow agreed fondly, "Mostly for my strong, brave wife."
"Funny," Tara smiled, "I was thinking the same thing."
They shared a loving look, then Tara rubbed Willow's leg.
"Let's have that day off you gave me for Christmas. And my belated gift back can be me as your company."
Willow beamed.
It was so moving to hear Tara say something where she held herself in high esteem.
Tara stood with her hand stretched back.
"C'mon. Let's go."
Willow closed her hand in Tara's and followed.
It didn't matter where.
The direction was superfluous.
All that matter was how they moved toward it.
Side by side.
Finally walking toward the light again.
It didn't mean that there wouldn't be more shadows and it didn't mean that every step would be easy but the footprints they left in the sand would always be together.
They took their first step on this new meandering of their well-worn path; knowing that where there's light, there's shadow but accepting it for what it was.
Remembering always that shadow passes but light remains.
Epilogue coming at ya tomorrow!